Elixir of Life
by Anubis Soundwave
Summary: This grand tale, three years in the making, is a series of what ifs. A 4-anime crossover between Yu Yu Hakusho, Sailor Moon, Inuyasha, and Yoroiden: Samurai Troopers (Ronin Warriors).
1. Prologue 01

**ELIXIR OF LIFE - Prologue** _ **#01**_ : Tell me: does this _hanyo_ still live?

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

Toshitada studies Inuyasha and Kagome, the _hanyo_ and girl enjoying a quiet, happy moment: looking at full white clouds in a blue sky.

"You all said that you're searching for pieces of the _Shikon no Tama_ ," says Toshitada after a moment. "I've heard that it grants wishes."

"That's what I heard too, Toshi," says Inuyasha, sitting up from his reclined position on the grass.

Toshitada touches his chin in thought. "What would you wish for?" he asks.

Inuyasha shrugs, unnerved by the auburn-haired boy's earnest gaze. "I don't know," he says, scowling. "I don't want to be a full-blooded _yokai_ anymore, because I could hurt innocent people. But, if I wish to be human...I won't be me anymore."

"You'd always be you, Inuyasha," says Kagome.

"The only bright side to being human is that this stupid necklace wouldn't work on me anymore," says Inuyasha, clutching his bead necklace.

"I'd just get Kaede _-dono_ to make one that works on you as a human," smirks Kagome.

"Why are you asking all of this, Toshi?" says Inuyasha. "You've got everything a noble's brat could possibly want, so you don't need the _Shikon no Tama_."

Toshitada smiles gravely. "You're from our future, aren't you, Kagome _-dono_?" he asks.

Kagome stares at Toshitada.

"The brat overheard us," Inuyasha snorts. "He's a little eavesdropper."

"I tried very hard to be quiet!" seethes Toshitada.

"I know," says Inuyasha, "but I could still smell you. You had the scent of flowers with a hint of rage when you spied on us that day. Along with some gas."

Toshitada fumes, blushing.

"I figured you were still mad that day because your mother made you eat beans again," grins Inuyasha.

"Stop this at once," spits Toshitada, stamping his foot. "I'm trying to answer your question, Inuyasha _-dono_ , and here you sit mocking me."

"Don't take yourself so seriously, Toshi," says Inuyasha. "You're still just a kid."

"I know. I'm fascinated with the idea of Kagome _-dono's_ era," says Toshitada.

"In my era," says Kagome, worry in her eyes, "you would be in school, not killing off bandits to protect your mother."

"I suppose, although I would do whatever it takes to protect _hahaue_ in any era," says Toshitada. "I would wish...to live in your era."

Inuyasha and Kagome look at Toshitada, the boy trembling.

"While I was proud that my skill saved my mother from harm," continues Toshitada, "I had never killed anyone before that day. I want to be a great warrior, which will require killing other men, but I couldn't hold down my food after killing a pair of worthless thieves. Crying, retching...crying, retching: a samurai shouldn't do such things."

"I think it's good that you don't enjoy killing people," says Kagome. "You just wish that killing wasn't a constant, everyday fact of life."

Toshitada nods, then turns to Inuyasha. " _Yokai_ tend to live longer than humans," he says.

"Yeah," says Inuyasha. "Which means that by human standards, I'd be respected as a grandfather-I'm over seventy-three years old, you know."

Kagome rolls her eyes.

"I think that your human half would die off eventually and you'd become a full _yokai_ on your own," says Toshitada.

"If that were true," scoffs Inuyasha, "then I wouldn't hate Sesshoumaru so much. He couldn't call me a half-breed anymore either," he adds, a trace of longing in his voice.

Toshitada and Kagome nod with understanding.

"Not that I _care_ what that bastard calls me," Inuyasha spits.

* * *

With Ah-Un, Rin and Kujuurou continue spying on the three.

"Why does it bother him to be called a half-breed?" asks Rin. "That is what Inuyasha is."

"Inuyasha _-dono_ shares the same noble _yokai_ blood as Sesshomaru _-sama_ ," whispers Kujuurou, "and wants his elder brother's respect."

"Then why doesn't he just ask for it?" says Rin.

"If he knew himself," says Sesshoumaru, "then he would have no need to ask. He would rightly demand it."

"Why should your own brother need to demand your respect and love at all, Sesshoumaru _-sama_?" says Kujuurou curtly.

Sesshoumaru glares at Kujuurou.

"However it came to be, you and Inuyasha _-dono_ are brothers. That is what _Onii-sama_ taught me ever since I was small," says Kujuurou.

"What you ask of me...is impossible, Sasaki _-kun_ ," says Sesshoumaru. "I...cannot love Inuyasha."

"But you love Rin _-dono_ : a full-blooded human," says Kujuurou.

"If by that you mean that it amuses me at present to permit her to live," says Sesshoumaru, "then you speak truly."

"You don't make sense to me," says Kujuurou.

"I do not hate Inuyasha because he is half-human," says Sesshoumaru. "I hate him because my father's blood flows through his veins. As long as Inuyasha's heart beats, I shall see him as my enemy."

* * *

"Do you want to go to your father's funeral?" asks Rin simply.

Kujuurou sighs. "It isn't about what I want," he says. "It is about my duty."

"But don't you and your clan both have a duty to Oda?" continues Rin.

"Yes," says Kujuurou. "We are bound to Oda _-sama_ through a marriage that happened eighty years ago."

Rin touches her chin. "I'd go to Oda if I were you," she says. "He's asking you to fight, not to lie."

Kujuurou stares at Rin in shock.

"You don't care about Sasuke," she continues, pouting, "so why would you go to see him buried?"

Kujuurou gives Rin a morbid grin. "Just to ensure the man is dead," he says.

"That would only cause more people to think you killed him," says Rin.

"What kind of...?" begins Kujuurou; his words trail off as he studies Rin. "Were you speaking to Kuroda _-dono_ , by any chance?" he asks.

"Jiro doesn't think for me," says Rin.

"Then it's clear that you both have the same childish train of thought," says Kujuurou, annoyed.

"That doesn't make either of us wrong," says Rin. "What can your retainers tell you: that it's more important to attend the burial of the man who killed your mother than it is to obey the summons of the man who faithfully honors his pact with your family by sending you soldiers to help them fight?"

"Kojirou _-sama_ would go," says Kujuurou.

"Kojirou is dead," says Rin, "but if he were alive and he decided to go-*"

"Then you'd say he's stupid, wouldn't you?" sneers Kujuurou.

"I...wasn't going to say that," says Rin, giving Kujuurou a pleading, guilty look.

Kujuurou smiles gently, understanding in his eyes. "Why are you trying to exercise tact with me at all?" he asks wryly.

"I...I respect you, Kujuurou," says Rin. "I don't use honorifics with humans," she adds, "but I don't need them to know how to respect people worthy of respect."

"You..." says Kujuurou, staring at Rin with wonder. "You are a precious gift, Rin _-dono_ ," he continues.

Rin stares at Kujuurou, confused.

"I would prove myself wise," continues Kujuurou, "if I obeyed the wisdom from your honest and pure heart." He rises to his feet.

Rin stands.

"I shall advise the retainers of my departure," says Kujuurou.

Eyes shining, Rin beams at Kujuurou; she kisses Kujuurou on the cheek, then runs off toward the path leading into the forest.

Kujuurou touches his cheek, then places his hand over his chest, trembling as he blushes. "She...is becoming quite the woman," he breathes inaudibly as he enters his castle.

Behind a nearby shrub, Chiba rises to his feet, smiling. _Indeed, my young lord,_ he muses silently, _it would take such to compel you to obey your own heart in things_. After stretching a moment, Chiba enters the castle.

* * *

Toshitada enters the meeting hall with the Saotome clan, seven elderly men in ceremonial dress.

Oda, flanked by Akechi and Hashiba, glares at Toshitada. "Kouma _-kun_ ," he says curtly, "I thought that I had ordered you to bring the Saotome clan before me."

Toshitada stiffens at the _daimyo's_ displeasure. "My lord," he says, bowing, "this is all that remains...of the Saotome clan."

"Tell me," Oda demands the leader of the Saotome clan, "what possible use do I have for the lot of you at this moment?"

"N-none...my liege," says the leader. "We would only advise to lay aside this plan to halt Yoshitsune's army; his numbers are too great."

"Hashiba," spits Oda. "Is this cretin's advice worth heeding?"

"Owari is a small province," says Hashiba, "within the boundaries of Kyoto. Nonetheless, if Owari falls, Kyoto falls. If Kyoto, the Imperial capital falls, there will be chaos. Oda _-sama_ only seeks to maintain order in this stand, and he requires every vassal clan to provide an able-bodied man to fight."

"So," says Oda, "what is to be done regarding this obvious insult?"

"We have...no one meeting your needs," says the Saotome clan leader. "We humbly ask that you release us from this obligation."

Toshitada stifles a snickering laugh.

"No!" grins Oda crudely. "Kouma _-kun_ , you are within your rights to show your disgust at such craven insolence. Shall I, needing warriors now, order the lot of you to obey this: 'find young women of childbearing age, marry them if need be, sire children with these women-hoping that at least one woman bears a son, pray that the son is healthy and of good vigor, and wait about _fifteen years_ for all of this to bear fruit'?"

"Of course not, Oda _-sama_ ; that is absurd," says the clan leader.

Oda takes a scroll from Hashiba, briefly reads it, then returns the scroll to Hashiba. "What of Izayoi _-dono_ , the daughter of my grandfather's cousin?" he asks the clan leader. "I was told she was rather beautiful. Surely a woman of her quality may have had a child who has produced grandsons at least near Kouma _-kun's_ age."

"No, my liege," says the clan leader, his face ashen as he trembles. "Izayoi...had died tragically," he continues, "as a result of her brazenness."

"Which means that she may have born some fellow a bastard somewhere," snorts Oda. "Certainly regrettable behavior, but not that unusual."

"She never bore...a human child," mutters another of the Saotome clan.

"Izayoi...played the harlot with a _yokai_ ," says the clan leader soberly, "and produced a _hanyo_. She had to pay a heavy price."

"You...admit before me that you killed a kinswoman of mine," seethes Oda, "for the crime of being a woman in the arms of a man?"

"Not a man! A _yokai_!" shrieks the clan leader, trembling.

"I don't care if she bore the son with the king of _yokai_!" sputters Oda. "You honestly killed your kinswoman and mine over such superstitious drivel?"

The men of the Saotome clan all stare at Oda, in horror at the _daimyo's_ fury.

Oda sighs. "Tell me," he says, eerily calm, "does this _hanyo_ still live?"

"We..." begins a Saotome clan member.

Oda glances at Hashiba, who smirks as he looks down at the scroll. "If you value your lives," he continues, "please speak the truth."

"The _hanyo's_ name is Inuyasha," says the clan leader after a moment, his expression guarded.

Oda nods to Akechi.

"Kouma _-kun_ ," says Akechi. "I have heard tales of a dog _hanyo_ named Inuyasha who has travelled this land in search of shards of a mystical gem: the _Shikon no Tama._ Am I correct on this?" he asks.

"Y-yes, Akechi _-sama_ ," says Toshitada.

"Furthermore," adds Hashiba, unfurling a drawing of Sesshoumaru, "I do believe another, more compliant set of vassals are in the debt of this _inuyokai_ : the Sasaki clan, which has recently lost their brightest star: Kojirou, to a duel against Miyamoto _-sama_. Even with that, they still managed to grant us the strength of a skilled swordsman: their kinsman, Sasaki Kujuurou _-kun_." Hashiba nods to Kujuurou.

Flustered, Kujuurou bows.

"So," says Oda, "even the Sasaki clan, who has lost a swordsman second only to Miyamoto _-sama_ himself, has been able to comply with my simple demand. Why have you not brought Inuyasha before me?"

The men of the Saotome clan look amongst themselves.

"Wait!" smirks Oda ruefully. "Is it because he has the blood of a frightful _inuyokai_ , blood he shares with this powerful-looking fellow," he continues, noting the picture of Sesshoumaru, "or because you callously took the life of his mother, and you know your lives are worth nothing to him?"

The Saotome men tremble.

"I shall not lose to Yoshitsune because of this," says Oda. "Kouma _-kun_ ," he continues. "Bring Inuyasha to me, that these men may fulfill their duty as my vassals."

"Yes, my lord," says Toshitada, bowing.

"Sasaki _-kun_ ," continues Oda, "go with Kouma _-kun_. I want the both of you to use every art of persuasion you possess to prevail upon Inuyasha to obey." 

Kujuurou bows. "I shall, my lord," he says. The two exit the meeting hall.

"As to the lot of you," says Oda to the Saotome men, nodding to several armed guards, "I insist that you remain as honored guests in my castle...until this inane matter is resolved to my satisfaction."

"Y-yes...Oda _-sama_ ," say the Saotome men. They leave the meeting hall, escorted by the armed guards.

"Hashiba," says Oda after a moment, "Kouma _-kun_ and Sasaki _-kun_ are both rather impetuous young brats."

"I have already sent for Kuroda _-kun_ and Yamanouchi _-kun_. Those young men will meet with Sasaki _-kun_ and Kouma _-kun_ ," says Hashiba, "and they will plan at Kuroda _-sama's_ castle."

"Good," says Oda.

* * *

"...it is not my place," says Toshitada carefully to Kujuurou, "to question Oda _-sama_."

"I'm relieved that you have retained some sense of propriety, Kouma," says Naotoki as he sheathes his _washizaki_ , "but disappointed that I don't need to slit your throat for your arrogance."

"And what has compelled you, Yamanouchi _-dono_ ," says Toshitada ruefully, "to grace me with your presence?"

"I'm here at the behest of Hashiba _-sama_ , speaking on behalf of Oda _-sama_ ," sneers Naotoki. "Do not question your good fortune."

"I...do not doubt Oda _-sama_ ," says Toshitada. "Only my own ability to carry out his order, which is quite limited."

"It pleases me to see this small measure of humility, Kouma _-kun_ ," says Jirogorou quietly, a soft smile on his face. "I pray that it continues."

Toshitada glares at Jirogorou, already disliking the one-eyed samurai.

"Based on your reputation, Kouma _-kun_ ," Jirogorou continues, "I had resigned myself to prepare to contend with a young warrior who does not respect his limitations. So then," he adds, "you realize my delight to know that you, Kouma _-kun_ , are not such a fool after all."

"Not in this instance, Kuroda," smirks Naotoki.

Kujuurou rolls his eyes. "I take it that the two of you are to join us on this venture to persuade Inuyasha _-dono_ to throw in his lot with us and Oda _-sama_ against Yoshitsune?" he asks.

Jirogorou nods.

"Then, Kouma _-kun_ ," says Kujuurou gaily, "you must gird your loins and steel yourself for worse than this. Kuroda _-dono_ is being quite kind to you today."

"It is to be expected, Kouma," says Naotoki, mussing Toshitada's hair. "You are the youngest of us," he continues, "so expect us to exact a price for having to wipe your wet nose."

Toshitada scowls as he straightens his hair, then stiffly walks away from the other three samurai.

"I'm usually stuck with the young shit when Oda _-sama_ sends him to my father," grins Naotoki. "The brat is skilled," he continues, "but Kouma's very conceited, opinionated, and naive."

"Then at worst," says Jirogorou, "Kouma _-kun_ will be one of those who likes to work at cross-purposes with his allies. I can make use of this."

"Good luck," says Naotoki wryly. "That one is about as useful as an unruly _entei_." Chuckling, he walks off after Toshitada.

"Kouma _-kun_ strikes me as someone who overrates his own abilities," says Kujuurou, polishing his blade.

Jirogorou snorts. "You say that only because of your obnoxious habit of belittling your own worth. To you, Sasaki _-kun_ ," he says, exasperated, "everyone is arrogant."

"Don't start that again," says Kujuurou, raising a hand. "I have a reasonable amount of skill, but I can't compare to Kojirou _-sama_."

"Naturally," says Jirogorou. "You had surpassed him some time ago."

"In part because I had-*" begins Kujuurou.

"Studied your opponent, recognizing that the strength of your opponent can become your own," Jirogorou interjects. "It is the wisdom of the ages noted by Sun Tzu: hardly unique to Miyamoto _-sama_ and the _**Go-rin-no-sho**_ , with all due respect to him and to your honored brother."

Kujuurou blushes.

"Kojirou _-sama_ knew that you had surpassed him-he knew that you would," says Jirogorou, "no matter how hard you tried to hold yourself back to let him shine. Now, my friend," he continues, "it is your time to stand tall: step out of the darkness, and into the light."

Kujuurou sighs. _In the light,_ he says to himself, _is scrutiny and judgment. All of your flaws are laid bare. In light is fear,_ he muses, _and in darkness, safety._

Jirogorou walks off after Naotoki; Kujuurou follows after sheathing his sword.


	2. Prologue 02

**ELIXIR OF LIFE - Prologue** _ **#02**_ : Then I'll have to change the future...in small and natural ways.

byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

"You brought drinks, Minako?" asks Usagi.

"We're old enough, Usagi," scoffs Minako. "It won't matter in a few months, anyway."

Makoto hands Usagi a Christmas Cake. "Nothing we say or do will matter," she says. "Let's get Ami _-chan_ laid."

"Eh?" wonders Usagi.

Mamoru rolls his eyes.

"There's a guy she hasn't seen in years," says Makoto, "who I think she still likes."

"But Ami just broke up with Ryo," counters Rei. "She might not be ready for a relationship so soon after that."

"We're talking about a brief fling with an old grade-school flame," grins Makoto. "The guy's married."

Ami reenters the living room with cups of tea. "You aren't going to foist me onto Kuwabara _-san_ ," she says tersely.

"Why not?" spits Minako. "Will any of it even matter when the world ends?"

"It matters to me," says Ami. "I respect Kuwabara _-san_ a great deal."

"He was your first love," says Minako. "You have the right to him for at least one night."

"No," says Ami firmly.

"Live a little, Ami," groans Makoto. "We'll have plenty of time to be serious after the end."

"And it would be a secret between you and Kuwabara _-kun_ ," adds Minako.

"In addition to the fact that you two are demanding that I be a homewrecker," says Ami, "there's the small issue that our getting into it would raise a host of questions to Kuwabara _-san_."

"You could correctly blame us," grins Minako.

"You want to do it, anyway," says Makoto.

Ami shakes her head.

"She won't do it," says Usagi. "You all know how fiercely Ami wants to protect marriage."

"It's not that at all," says Ami, trembling. "It's just...that I'd rather he remain ignorant. Of the truth."

Rei winces. "We've had to push so many of our friends away-and even our comrades," she says.

"It's like we don't even have lives of our own anymore," spits Usagi. "I missed out on Naru's wedding," she adds, grabbing Mamoru's hand.

Mamoru sighs. "Do you think we should treat these last few days of the world as we know it like an extended Mardi Gras?" he asks.

"No," say Usagi and Ami.

"Makoto and I are living each day to the fullest," says Minako. "But then, I'd do that anyway."

"I don't want to leave any regrets behind," says Makoto.

"If only we knew how the Crystal Disaster came to be," says Ami. "Why it occurred. Then it wouldn't be so random, so...pointless."

"I'm not sure that we'd feel any better if we did know why," says Rei.

"It's not as though we can stop it," says Usagi bitterly. "My little cousin, Kagome...she won't even have a future."

* * *

Hidden in a hallway, Kagome trembles. _A disaster...?_ she says to herself.

After a few minutes, Kagome enters the living room, greets Usagi and her friends, then leaves Usagi's apartment.

 _So it's not a big deal if I travel to the past to live,_ Kagome continues, _if Usagi-san is telling the truth about the world ending. But what will happen to Mama, Grandpa, and Sota? To Hojo-sempai? To Shippo, Koga, and Onii-sama?_

Nodding her head, Kagome heads home and rushes into her room. She grabs her backpack and starts packing supplies.

 _I have to warn them. At the very least,_ says Kagome to herself, _warn Shippo and Onii-sama. Onii-sama could do something to protect himself, if not Inuyasha._

With her backpack filled, Kagome leaves her house and heads to the Bone Eater's Well.

* * *

Pluto arrives at an abandoned field with an ancient well, followed by Chibi-usa.

"What's over here?" asks Chibi-usa.

"A temporal disturbance," says Pluto. She notes an unconscious woman lying outside the well. "And I think this girl is the source."

 _She...looks a bit like okaasama,_ says Chibi-usa to herself.

"Please return home, Small Lady," says Pluto. "I will take care of her."

Chibi-usa nods and leaves.

 _So,_ muses Pluto, studying the well, _this place is a time portal. I'll have to close it at some point._

The young woman stirs, awakening. She looks around, her eyes widening at the unfamiliar surroundings.

Pluto gazes at the girl.

"This definitely isn't the Sengoku era," says the woman, Kagome. "The only thing I recognize here is the well. I see crystals everywhere."

"A fellow time-traveller, I take it," smiles Pluto.

Kagome blinks at Pluto, then stares at the tall _senshi_. "Meioh _-san_..." says Kagome. "One of Usagi _-san's_ friends."

Pluto sighs. "That was once my name, yes," she says.

"So I'm off-course," Kagome sighs, rising to her feet. "I was headed to the Sengoku period."

"This does confirm a few things His Majesty suspected," muses Pluto aloud.

"Is this...the world after the Crystal Disaster?" asks Kagome.

Pluto nods. "It would be best if you came with me for a few days," she says.

"Are you going to punish me," asks Kagome, "for meddling with time?"

"I don't have that kind of power," says Pluto, "though I am the Guardian of Time."

* * *

"...it's impossible for anyone to meddle with causality through simply arriving in a time period," finishes Pluto, "as causality involves the free will of too many individuals."

"That's a relief," says Kagome. "Apparently, though," she continues, "someone thought that I-by simply warning my friends in the Sengoku era of the then-impending disaster-could alter history; and threw me off-course to stop me."

Pluto nods.

"I wasn't going to interfere with the Disaster," says Kagome. "I just wanted to warn my friends in the past who I know will survive to my own time: so that they could survive the Disaster."

"How do you feel now?" asks Pluto.

"As though there is someone who wants my friends to die," says Kagome. "I have to stop this someone from succeeding."

"Then let's have a chat, Higurashi Kagome," says Endymion.

Pluto kneels.

Kagome laughs. "Chiba _-san_?" she balks. "You're the king?"

"Yes," says Endymion, smirking, "and I could have you executed."

"I don't think my cousin, the queen, would like that," Kagome grins, then laughs again.

Endymion chuckles. "You definitely have courage, Kagome," he says. "That's a trait you share with my beloved."

Kagome's laughter subsides as she studies Endymion.

"You'd do whatever it takes to save the people you love, wouldn't you?" Endymion continues.

Kagome nods. "If someone planned the Disaster," she says, "it has to be stopped."

"I agree," says Endymion soberly. "As much pain as this will cause Selenity and myself," he continues, "I must agree."

"Because of your daughter?" asks Kagome.

"The needs of the many outweigh the few," says Endymion, "and the people's needs trump our own. We'll survive."

"But Chibi-usa won't," says Kagome. "Usagi-no, Queen Selenity-would never accept that."

"She never says it," counters Endymion, "but she doesn't like this future. So, now that we know that someone _intended_ for this to happen-*"

"What difference does it really make to you?" asks Kagome.

"The difference, Kagome _-san_ , is that this future is based on a lie-on someone's scheme," says Endymion. "Lies have no true beauty, and I refuse to live one."

Kagome sighs. "I'll do what I must, to save the people I love," she says. "But unless someone can save Chibi-usa as well, we'll still have blood on our hands."

"Then on my head be it," says Endymion, nodding to Pluto. "Escort Kagome to her own time, and advise her," he orders the _senshi_.

Pluto nods. She leaves with Kagome.

* * *

Kagome and Pluto arrive at the Bone Eater's Well.

Pluto touches her chin, gazing at the well.

"I know now that warning my friends of the Disaster won't do any good," says Kagome, packed with her clothing and food.

"I couldn't permit you to do so even if it would do any good," says Pluto. "No one should know of the future through unnatural means."

"I already know too much," says Kagome, rolling her eyes. "And I've been ordered to essentially destroy it."

"Crystal Tokyo is...a possibility." says Pluto, "One of many."

"If that's the case," asks Kagome, "then why does it matter if _yokai_ live in that or any other future?"

"The real question is who would care if _yokai_ survived or not?" counters Pluto.

"I would care!" spits Kagome. "I'm betrothed to a _hanyo_. Some of my friends are _yokai_. They've done nothing to deserve to die like this!"

"Then what will you do to save them?" asks Pluto. "You can't discover who is responsible," she continues, "or you'll be killed. You can't warn your friends of the Crystal Disaster, either."

Kagome stares at Pluto, then closes her eyes. "Then I'll have to change the future...in small and natural ways," she says, smiling.

Pluto raises an eyebrow.

"Someone I love...died needlessly back in the Sengoku period," says Kagome. "Or, I should say, he will."

"Why?" asks Pluto.

"Because he's stubborn. But if I can get him to look past his stubbornness and his pain," Kagome continues, "then I can save him-and the world along with it."

"You intend to alter history after all, then," says Pluto.

"Not drastically," says Kagome.

"But enough that I must place a demand on your life, in exchange for this," says Pluto.

Kagome smiles with understanding. "Then I accept," she says.

"How do you wish to die, then, Higurashi Kagome?" asks Pluto.

"I won't die," says Kagome. "The woman named 'Higurashi Kagome'...has simply never existed."

Pluto smiles gravely. "I can alter the rest."

"Let's go, then," says Kagome. She and Pluto enter the well.


	3. Prologue 03

**ELIXIR OF LIFE - Prologue** _ **#03**_ : I am in a place of decision.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

"I ain't fighting a battle that has nothing to do with me!" spits Inuyasha.

"Please," says Kagome, smirking at Inuyasha. "Have a seat."

"Why don't you just _order_ me to sit!?" sneers Inuyasha. "Go ahead! I don't care how many times you do it, either!" he continues. "I won't change my mind."

"I know that you'll be sleeping outside for the rest of your life if you don't at least listen to what I have to say," says Kagome.

Inuyasha fumes, blushing, but complies.

Kagome fixes her eyes onto Inuyasha's. "Tell me," she says. "What do you think will happen when you refuse Oda Nobunaga?"

"Oda will try to send a few soldiers after me to kill me for my defiance," scoffs Inuyasha. "I think I can defend myself."

"One of those soldiers will be Toshitada," counters Kagome.

Inuyasha rolls his eyes. "Who'd be crazy enough to trust Toshi with a sword?" he snorts.

"And the Sasaki clan is allied with Oda _-sama's_ through a political marriage," Kagome continues.

"So we add Kujuurou. Big deal," Inuyasha snorts.

"As well as the Kuroda clan," says Kagome. "Jirogorou _-san_ is a good friend of Kujuurou's and he's almost as sneaky as Akechi _-sama_."

"Doesn't matter. If those brats point their swords at me," says Inuyasha, "I'll have to teach them a lesson."

Kagome pulls out a gun and shoots at the wall; she misses, and the bullet grazes Inuyasha's ear. "I...have no idea how to fire this thing," she says.

Inuyasha clutches his bleeding ear. "You're lucky that I dodged in time!" he snarls.

"No! You're lucky that I wasn't aiming for you and that I'd be a poor shot if I was!" Kagome counters. "Toshitada will have firearms deadlier than any arrow, and will know how to use them. Not even full-blooded _yokai_ can survive gunshot wounds," she continues, tears in her eyes.

"So you want me to kneel before Oda-as the last remnant of the wretched clan that killed my mother-because that nutcase has a gun collection?" says Inuyasha.

"Izayoi _-dono_ herself would ask you to do it," says Kagome. "Besides, if you did this for the Saotome clan, they'd owe you-and ultimately, her."

"That honor and obligation crap doesn't mean a damn thing to me-not compared to my mother's life," says Inuyasha. He rises to his feet.

Kagome studies Inuyasha, then caresses him from behind as he trembles.

"I take it that I don't have to sleep outside," says Inuyasha, smiling softly.

"You did listen. Also, I can't let your ear get infected," says Kagome as she releases Inuyasha.

* * *

In the morning, Inuyasha steps out of his house. He snorts, noting Toshitada outside with Naotoki.

"We have come to see if you had reconsidered your stance of defiance," says Toshitada soberly.

"You brought reinforcements, I see," sneers Inuyasha. "How did Oda manage to rope in the Yamanouchi clan?"

"My grandfather is indebted to Oda _-sama's_ father," says Naotoki, "and Oda _-sama_ and my father have been friends since childhood."

"You do realize that Oda is called _Owari no Outsuke_ for a reason," scoffs Inuyasha. "He's insane if he thinks he can take out Yoshitsune's army."

"Perhaps he is indeed mad, and even a fool," counters Toshitada, "but at least he isn't a coward."

"I can still smell your mother's milk on your breath, Toshi," spits Inuyasha, "and that _hanyo_ next to you ain't much older."

"That may be, honored elder," sneers Toshitada, "but if you fail to obey Oda _-sama_ , I shall kill you personally, as my own honor is at stake."

"Maybe you should have thought twice," says Inuyasha, "before thinking to mention me to Oda."

Kujuurou and Jirogorou arrive on horseback and dismount.

"Kouma _-kun_ had foolishly thought that you would heed the wisdom of the blood of nobles that flows through you, Inuyasha _-dono_ ," says Kujuurou.

Inuyasha rolls his eyes. "Do you mean my mother-who my clan disowned and eventually murdered," he asks, "or my father: who died after protecting my mother and me from my noble family's first attempt to kill her-for the crime of bringing me into the world?"

Kujuurou scowls. "...both, I suppose," he says.

"I warn you, Inuyasha _-dono_ ," says Jirogorou. "You will die if you don't obey Oda _-sama_. Even my honored father is not foolish enough to defy him."

"Forgive me if I'm not impressed by the might of Oda _-sama_ , who rules the grand fiefdom of Owari," says Inuyasha. "I don't care about my noble blood," he continues, "but I do have my pride. If I see the lot of you again, I'll kill you." Inuyasha leaves.

Toshitada scowls.

Kujuurou places a hand on Toshitada's shoulder. "You did well, Kouma _-kun_ ," he says. "The failure is Inuyasha _-dono's_ , and it will cost him his life."

"I don't understand this matter," says Naotoki, folding his arms. "Why did the Saotome clan murder Inuyasha _-dono's_ mother?"

"Human frailty," says Toshitada.

"Indeed," says Kujuurou as he remounts his horse. "If, as with your noble mother, a _yokai_ woman is with a human man, then it is no great matter to conceal the true nature of the woman. On the other hand, a human woman with a _yokai_ man...is trouble for the woman."

"It is essentially the same," balks Naotoki.

"Society sees the issue differently," says Toshitada, "though you are correct, Yamanouchi _-dono_."

"We must report this failure to Oda _-sama_ ," says Naotoki. "He won't be pleased."

"I know. Let's stay at the tavern for the night," says Toshitada.

"Are you praying for a change of heart?" scoffs Naotoki.

Toshitada shakes his head. "The only change that may save Inuyasha _-dono's_ life at this point," he says, "is for Yoshitsune _-sama_ to leave off his impending attack on Kyoto."

"And to attack Kyoto, Yoshitsune _-sama_ has to go through Owari," sighs Jirogorou. "How unpleasant."

Sighing, the four samurai head to the tavern.

* * *

"So," muses Sesshoumaru as he watches the four men leave, "the cur does have a sense of pride after all."

"It will get him killed, _Onii-sama_ ," mutters Kagome. "Is that what you want?"

Sesshoumaru studies Kagome.

"Do you want the only other person who has your father's blood to die because of human weakness?" asks Kagome.

"You are highly presumptuous, woman," says Sesshoumaru, scowling. "As if I would concern myself with Inuyasha's folly."

"True," says Kagome, "Inuyasha's death would be on his own head."

"Is it true, Sesshoumaru _-sama_?" asks Rin. "Would Kujuurou try to kill Inuyasha?"

"With Oda's weapons," says Sesshoumaru, "they may very well succeed."

"But Inuyasha is _yours_ to kill," says Rin obstinately, "and no one else's."

"Rin," says Sesshoumaru sternly, "these political matters do not concern you."

"If Kujuurou, Toshi, and Jiro kill Inuyasha," says Rin, "I cannot forgive them."

"It would appear, Sesshoumaru _-sama_ ," says Hashiba, eating an apple, "that though you have incredible influence among the _yokai_ , you have no clout with humankind."

"And you are...?" demands Sesshoumaru.

"Hashiba Hideyoshi," says Hashiba, "a humble servant of Oda Nobunaga _-sama_."

Kagome bites her tongue, trembling as Hashiba pages through her math textbook.

"Sesshoumaru _-sama_ ," asks Hashiba, "may I speak with this young woman in private?"

"By all means," says Sesshoumaru, taking Rin's hand and entering the forest.

Hashiba grins. "I know not who 'Hashiba Touma' is," he says, pulling out an old math assignment, "but he seems rather skilled at these advanced mathematics."

"I...can't say, Hashiba _-dono_ ," says Kagome, nervous.

"It matters not. What does matter," says Hashiba, "is that young Saotome- _dono_ -that is, your husband Inuyasha-submit to Oda _-sama_. You seem to agree with us for some reason."

Kagome nods, unwilling to speak.

"The reason is unimportant to me," says Hashiba. "What I can do is give you more time. I have dispatched agents to delay Yoshitsune _-sama's_ invasion force by one week," he continues. "That is the time you have to compel Saotome _-dono's_ obedience. I believe you understand the importance of Oda _-sama's_ stand against Yoshitsune _-sama_."

"Yes," says Kagome.

"Then good luck to you, Kagome _-dono_ ," says Hashiba. He leaves.

* * *

Sesshoumaru and Jaken quietly enter Kagome's house, Sesshoumaru carrying a sleeping Rin on his back.

"That human woman of Inuyasha's is asleep, Sesshoumaru _-sama_ ," hisses Jaken.

"That is evident," says Sesshoumaru, gently removing an open textbook. He reads the book segment, then closes the book.

Jaken stares at Sesshoumaru.

"I shall have words with that fool brother of mine," says Sesshoumaru. "His blindness is clear."

"Blindness to what, my liege?" asks Jaken.

The pair of _yokai_ leave Kagome's house, where Ah-Un sits patiently. "Take Rin home, Jaken," orders Sesshoumaru, placing Rin gently on Ah-Un's back.

"Yes, Sesshoumaru _-sama_ ," says Jaken, mounting Ah-Un.

Ah-Un departs with Jaken and Rin on its back.

Sesshoumaru approaches a tree, noting that Inuyasha sits on a sturdy branch, scowling.

Inuyasha glares down at Sesshoumaru. "What the hell do you want?" he sneers.

"Consider this for me, half-breed," says Sesshoumaru. "I am in a place of decision. I am tempted to forgive humanity for its indiscretions," he continues.

"Then forgive them," snorts Inuyasha, "if you're so inclined."

"Bastard though you are, you are still my brother to destroy if I so choose. If you were to die by human hands-even though it was due to your own stubbornness," continues Sesshoumaru, "then no one could stay my hand from slaying every human I could lay my hands upon."

"I suppose you won't spare Rin, either," says Inuyasha.

Sesshoumaru smirks. "She would offer me her life if I allowed it. Know that your woman Kagome would also die," he says. "I cannot suffer human impertinence a second time."

Inuyasha stares at Sesshoumaru.

"When _chichiue_ fell against Ryuukotsutei, due to the insolence of your mother's clan," Sesshoumaru continues, "I begrudged humankind its existence. Whether I continue to permit humanity to live depends on you, Inuyasha."

"Be serious, Sesshoumaru," snorts Inuyasha.

"As much as it disgusts me to admit it," says Sesshoumaru, "even a low-bred whelp such as yourself is of value to me. If humans kill you, I shall not forgive them."

"They ain't gonna kill me," says Inuyasha.

"I shall not forgive them," Sesshoumaru repeats, "because you are half-human...my brother who shares my father's blood. Inuyasha: I cannot forgive your reckless stupidity."

"Eh?" wonders Inuyasha.

"Every human who dies at my hands, I lay to your charge...little brother," says Sesshoumaru. He leaves the tree.

Inuyasha, confused, scratches his head.

* * *

"Rin _-dono_ , as wise as she is, is still just a girl," pouts Kujuurou. "You don't owe her any explanation for our actions, Kouma _-kun_."

"Then surely, Sasaki _-dono_ ," says Toshitada, "as she is a mere girl, a simple explanation can do no harm. What can she do, one way or the other?"

Jirogorou sighs. "She will insist that we leave Sesshoumaru _-sama's_ brother be," he says.

"I said nothing of the sort, Jiro," spits Rin. "Don't try to think for me."

"Didn't you say that we can't kill Inuyasha?" sneers Naotoki.

"I only said that he is not yours or Oda's to kill," says Rin, "but Sesshoumaru _-sama's_."

"You waste your time with these silly human peasants, Rin," says Jaken. "They don't realize who they are trifling with."

"Shall Sesshoumaru _-sama_ kill him for us, then?" asks Toshitada whimsically.

"If you asked him to, Toshi," says Rin, "he might."

"I am to disregard the will of my lord and liege for that?" scoffs Toshitada.

"That is rather naive, Rin _-dono_ ," adds Kujuurou, "which is why it simply isn't the business of women to interfere in these matters."

Rin sticks her tongue out at Kujuurou.

"I permit your insolence only because you're cute," says Kujuurou, blushing slightly.

Jirogorou smiles. "It is an insultingly simple matter. We don't want to kill Inuyasha _-dono_ ," he says, "and your lord wants us to let him be. On this point," he continues, "we are in harmony."

"Then what's the problem, Jiro?" demands Rin.

"Where we are at cross-purposes," says Jirogorou, "is the fact that Oda _-sama_ requires the presence of every able-bodied vassal of his at Okehazama."

"As the matter relates to the Saotome clan, Inuyasha _-dono_ -half _-yokai_ though he be," says Kujuurou, "is the only able-bodied scion of that clan. The rest of the men of the Saotome house are feeble and aged."

"They killed Inuyasha's mother," says Rin, stamping her foot. "When they tried to kill her before, they caused Inuyasha's-and Sesshoumaru _-sama's_ -father to die. You're asking a lot of Inuyasha."

"You're an opinionated little wench, aren't you?" scoffs Naotoki.

"Rin is a just a foolish young human, like yourselves," says Jaken, "though unlike you, at least she knows proper respect for her superiors."

"What is Oda _-sama_ to you, _kappa-dono_?" asks Toshitada.

"He is nothing to me," spits Jaken, "not compared to Sesshoumaru _-sama_. What is a mere human compared to my master?"

"To you, nothing indeed," says Toshitada. "However, Oda _-sama_ is my master," he continues, "and my duty is to him-just as much as your duty is to Sesshoumaru _-sama_. Reluctantly, I cannot simply leave Inuyasha in peace for this reason."

"All that this Oda requires of that half-breed Inuyasha is that he show up for some human battle?" asks Jaken.

Toshitada nods, along with the other three samurai.

"Then I agree with these louts, Rin," says Jaken. "This is a matter of duty, not that whelp's stupid sense of pride."

"I just don't want them to kill Inuyasha and risk Sesshoumaru _-sama's_ wrath," says Rin as she stares at Kujuurou, blushing.

"They won't kill me, you brat," says Inuyasha, kicking Jaken as he enters the tavern.

Rin's eyes widen at Inuyasha.

Inuyasha sighs. "I don't owe a damn thing to Oda, just to make things clear to you and your friends, Toshi," he scowls at Toshitada.

"If that's so," says Toshitada coolly, "then explain your presence."

"The fact is," says Inuyasha, "that I have conditions of my own."

Toshitada, Jirogorou, Kujuurou, and Naotoki study Inuyasha.

"I'm sure this girl has told you that my mother died needlessly," Inuyasha continues, nodding his head towards Rin, "because of the same old men who now require me to fight their battles."

Toshitada nods. "Understand only that I cannot presume to speak for Oda _-sama_ ," he says. "He asks only that you present yourself to him. If you refuse him to his face then," Toshitada continues, "it shall be on my head."

"Fair enough, Toshi," says Inuyasha, shrugging. "If Oda agrees to my conditions, I might even go along with his crazy plans."

"Then shall we go?" asks Toshitada.

Naotoki frowns, touching the chin of a courtesan. "Can't we go tomorrow morning?" he asks.

"No," say Toshitada, Kujuurou, and Jirogorou in unison.

"Rin and I shall take our leave of you," says Jaken stiffly. "Come, Rin."

"Yes, Jaken _-sensei_ ," says Rin. She leaves the tavern with Jaken.

"That girl is nearing the age where she should be wed," pouts Naotoki.

"Indeed," adds Jirogorou with a sly grin. "When shall a lover propose to Rin _-dono_?" he asks Kujuurou.

"Rin _-dono_ shall wed when she is ready," stammers Kujuurou. "No man can be presumptuous to her, peasant-born or no." Kujuurou leaves the tavern, his skin flushed red.

Toshitada, Naotoki, and Inuyasha leave the tavern after Kujuurou.

Jirogorou smiles. "I may lack an eye," he says aloud to himself, "but Sasaki _-kun_ is the blind one." He leaves the tavern, following the others.

* * *

At Oda's castle in Owari, Oda listens to Inuyasha as the _hanyo_ relays his conditions.

"...so, as you insist that I fight for you, Oda," says Inuyasha, concluding his speech, "then surely you don't have any problems giving me what I want in return."

Oda touches his chin, studying Inuyasha.

Inuyasha gazes back at Oda.

"Your insolence..." begins Oda.

Inuyasha folds his arms.

"...is refreshing," says Oda, grinning. "Is that really all you require?"

"Yes," says Inuyasha.

"Kouma _-kun_ ," says Oda. "Have the other men of the Saotome clan come before me."

"Yes, Oda _-sama_ ," says Toshitada, bowing. He leaves to comply with Oda's order.

"Yamanouchi _-kun_ ," continues Oda. "I wish to test your skill with a blade."

Naotoki bows to Oda.

Toshitada returns with the men of the Saotome clan.

The eldest of the Saotome men approaches Oda. "Oda _-sama_ ," he says. "What do you require of us?"

"I require nothing, except this exceptional young man-your estranged kinsman," says Oda. "You know him, don't you?"

The elder nods, scowling at Inuyasha.

"Then you know what must be done to set matters to rights," says Oda tersely.

"You truly are a devil's child," mutters a Saotome man.

"I am no mere child," sneers Oda, catching the slight. "I am the Devil King of the Sixth Heaven," he continues, "and for your sins against Izayoi _-dono_ , I now require your souls."

"You would kill us...in the presence of this abomination...?" sputters the elder, staring at Naotoki in fear.

"No," says Oda. "Yamanouchi _-kun_ is only proving his blades on your necks. You shall end your own lives."

"Why...?" asks the elder, trembling. "Why, Oda _-sama_...?"

"Shall I deny this _hanyo_ youth's facile request," scoffs Oda, "to appease a pack of infirm old men's misplaced sense of entitlement? Be grateful that Izayoi _-dono_ bore just one son: you only need to die once."

Naotoki yawns as each of the Saotome men commits _seppuku_ before Oda; he beheads each elderly man in turn.

After the last Saotome man dies, Oda turns to Inuyasha. "Have I met your terms, Inuyasha _-dono_?" he asks.

Inuyasha chuckles. "You are crazy...and rather evil," he says.

Oda studies Inuyasha.

"But," continues Inuyasha, "my wife Kagome believes in you, and now that I've seen you in action, Oda...I actually like you."

"Forgive my presumption, Oda _-sama_ ," says Hashiba. "Shall we continue our preparations for Okehazama?"

"Yes, Hashiba," spits Oda, annoyed with the interruption. "Our new recruit, Saotome _-dono_ , will need to know your stratagems."

Hashiba nods, then turns to Inuyasha. "Please come with me, Saotome _-dono_ ," he says.

Inuyasha shrugs. "This could actually be fun," he says. He and Hashiba leave.

"Kouma _-kun_ ," says Oda, "you, Kuroda _-kun_ , Yamanouchi _-kun_ , and Sasaki _-kun_ will go with Saotome _-dono_ and the little monkey."

"Yes, Oda _-sama_ ," says Kouma.


	4. Prologue 04

**ELIXIR OF LIFE - Prologue** _ **#04**_ : I suppose it would be a regret, then.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

Rin smiles, humming to herself as she combs her hair.

Sesshoumaru walks up to her. "I take it that Sasaki's servants treated you well," he says.

Rin nods. "They were rather kind for human beings," she says.

"I suppose so. Being that you are human, Rin," says Sesshoumaru, "you must eventually rejoin your own kind."

"I know," says Rin, sighing. "If humans were as likeable as Kujuurou, it wouldn't be so bad."

Sesshoumaru smiles slightly. _Her attraction to Sasaki is quite evident,_ he muses. "You are no longer a child," he says to Rin.

"I...do enjoy his company," says Rin, blushing, "even though we can only be friends."

"Has Sasaki taken liberties with you?" asks Sesshoumaru, wary.

"What do you mean?" asks Rin, her eyes bright and guileless.

"I wanted to make certain that he did you no harm," says Sesshoumaru.

"Kujuurou would never hurt me," says Rin. "Even if he wanted to," she continues, "he would have to face your wrath, Sesshoumaru _-sama_."

"Indeed," says Sesshoumaru. _It astounds me,_ he says to himself, _how my concern for Rin's-a human's-welfare is so...unremarkable._ "Still," he continues aloud to Rin, "be cautious. There are men in this world who are not as wise as Sasaki."

"Kujuurou..." says Rin slowly. "He's old enough to seek a wife now."

"Would being his mate please you, Rin?" asks Sesshoumaru.

"I...I like him," says Rin. "But he sees me as a child still."

* * *

Kujuurou, in bed, stirs; he awakens slowly. He notes a lump under the covers next to him.

"Your sense of humor still fails to amuse me, Kuroda _-dono_ ," says Kujuurou, annoyed.

"I thought you'd be lonely, Sasaki _-kun_ ," says Jirogorou with a coy smile, "as you have yet to bring Rin _-dono_ to your bed."

Kujuurou scowls at Jirogorou.

"It would also please your retainers that you would continue your family's noble line," Jirogorou continues.

"There's entirely too much pressure from those insufferable wretches," Kujuurou spits. "I am little more than peasant stock myself, and they only tolerate me because _oniisama..._." Kujuurou trembles, unable to finish his thought.

"Sasaki _-sama_ died well," says Jirogorou, "with honor, fighting his chosen foe. No other fate would have suited him."

"I know," says Kujuurou, rising from his bed.

"And now, you are his right hand among the living," continues Jirogorou. "Go and claim your bride."

"I have already asked Sesshoumaru _-sama_ for Rin _-dono's_ hand," says Kujuurou.

"And he has denied you," says Jirogorou.

Kujuurou nods.

Jirogorou slips out of Kujuurou's bed. "It would be wise of you," he says, "to disregard Sesshoumaru _-sama's_ will in this matter. It is Rin _-dono_ you wish to marry," Jirogorou continues, "and her will is greater than his in this regard."

"Do you honestly expect me to defy my master?" says Kujuurou.

"I expect you to determine his true will," says Jirogorou, "not to obey an order blindly. Sesshoumaru _-sama_ wants to be certain that Rin _-dono_ will be happy with humankind before he will return her to us."

"I can't pretend that Rin _-dono_ will know happiness and peace with me," says Kujuurou. "We are in an age of war and sorrow."

"All the more reason why you are best suited to protect her," says Jirogorou.

"More than Kohaku _-kun_ , who is not a man of war," asks Kujuurou, "and therefore doesn't live a blood-stained existence?"

"The _yokai_ hunter?" Jirogorou sneers. " _He_ is Sesshoumaru _-sama's_ choice?"

Kujuurou glares at Jirogorou.

"I am not bound to Sesshoumaru _-sama_ as a vassal," continues Jirogorou, "so I am within my rights to say that he is wrong. Even I-a broken-minded wretch-am a better choice for Rin _-dono's_ mate than Kohaku _-kun_."

"I shall not defy Sesshoumaru _-sama_...not even for Rin _-dono_ ," says Kujuurou.

"If this is true, Sasaki _-kun_ ," says Jirogorou, "then she will surely know sorrow." He leaves Kujuurou's bedchamber.

Kujuurou stares at his empty bed.

* * *

Several months pass.

Toshitada sits on a fence, peeved. "To think that I am relegated to this," he mutters, "after all of my victories from the past three years."

Shippo grins at Toshitada. "Maybe you could ask Naotohide for your old place back," he says.

"No," sighs Toshitada, "not even knowing that his thick son has wandered off to parts unknown. But fear not, Shippo _-kun_ ," he continues. "I had considered your suggestion for a moment...compared to this."

"You're protecting the Sasaki house from intruders," says Shippo.

"It's boring," pouts Toshitada. "Though it shall be mercifully brief, once the wedding ends tomorrow."

"I think you're just mad because Kujuurou didn't invite you," says Shippo.

"It makes little sense," says Toshitada, "considering that Sasaki _-dono_ is merely the host. A pair of peasants are marrying."

"Who's the bride?" wonders Shippo.

Rin joins Toshitada on the fence. "I am, Toshi," she says, "remember?"

Toshitada stares at Rin, astonished at the young maiden's beauty...and continued artlessness.

"I'm marrying Kohaku tomorrow," Rin continues.

"Then you certainly shouldn't be out here, Rin _-dono_ ," says Toshitada. "Even for a peasant girl, your behavior is improper."

"I've always sat on the fence before," says Rin. "I've even seen your mother and grandmother sitting on a fence in Kyoto."

Shippo snickers; Toshitada kicks Shippo, annoyed.

"What...?" grins Shippo. "She was talking about Ran-*"

"Shut up!" hisses Toshitada, blushing.

Rin stares at Toshitada a moment. "Your grandmother Ranka is quite lovely for her age," she says.

Toshitada buries his face in his palms. "'Ranka'...isn't my grandmother," he mutters.

"But I recall Ranka calling you a 'precious grandson'," says Shippo, a mischievious twinkle in his eyes.

"You shall cease toying with Rin _-dono's_ innocence," spits Toshitada, "and trying my patience, you miserable _kitsune_!"

Shippo sticks out his tongue. "Good luck with guard duty," he says.

"If Ranka isn't your grandmother," asks Rin, "then who is she?"

Toshitada grins crudely. "She-Ranka-doesn't exist," he says. " _He_ , Fujioka Ryouji," continues Toshitada, "is my honored grandfather...who is, distressingly, a cross-dresser."

"Why does it distress you, Toshi?" asks Rin.

" _Ojiisama_ dresses...as a woman would dress," says Toshitada patiently, "and behaves as a woman would behave."

Rin stares at Toshitada, befuddled. "How exactly should he behave?" she asks.

Toshitada fumes. "Like a _man_!" he spits. "It's one thing to desire other men; it's another to dress and behave like the fairer sex to deceive and lure unwitting men to your bed."

"So your grandfather wouldn't upset you if he dressed and acted more like Oda?" asks Rin.

Toshitada stares at Rin, speechless. "On second thought," he says, thinking of rumors regarding Oda and a young page, Mori Ranmaru, "perhaps _ojiisama_ isn't so distressing."

"I'm glad that you feel better about your grandfather's decision," says Rin. "He makes a lovely grandmother."

"I...suppose he does," grins Toshitada sheepishly.

Rin smiles at Toshitada.

"You...should return to Sasaki _-dono's_ castle, Rin _-dono_ ," says Toshitada after a moment, "and prepare for your wedding."

Rin sighs. "I don't know if I want to marry Kohaku," she says. "If it were Kujuurou I was marrying," Rin continues, "I wouldn't even question it."

"But you have accepted Kohaku's proposal," says Toshitada, "and it's far too late to rescind it."

"I suppose it would be a regret, then," says Rin, smiling wistfully.

"I'm certain that in time, Kohaku will make you happy," says Toshitada.

"I can hope," says Rin. "Though I'll never get to see Sesshoumaru _-sama_ again-because Kohaku's a _yokai_ hunter."

"Is Sesshoumaru _-sama_ Kohaku's enemy?" asks Toshitada.

Rin shakes her head. "Kohaku only hunts _yokai_ who threaten humans directly," she says.

"And such behavior is beneath Sesshoumaru _-sama_ ," says Toshitada, "so their paths would never cross as foes."

"It's still sad, though," says Rin, trembling. "Sesshoumaru _-sama_ , Jaken _-sensei_ , and Ah-Un...are the only family I have."

"Though you will lose one family," says Toshitada, "you will also build a new one with Kohaku."

Rin sighs, smiles at Toshitada, then leaves.

Kujuurou appears, pointing his _washizaki_ at Toshitada's neck. "It would seem that I have little cause to hope, Kouma _-kun_ , that you would serve as a competent guard," he spits.

Toshitada smirks at Kujuurou. "All of this concern for a bride you shall never wed, Sasaki _-sama_ ," he says.

"I am happy for Rin _-dono_ ," says Kujuurou. "Even now, she is beautiful. You would do well, Kouma _-kun_ , if you could manage to protect her on her wedding day. I take my leave of you." Kujuurou leaves.

* * *

A few hours later, Kujuurou enters a barn, dressed only in his _yukata_. He yawns as he places a lantern on a nearby lantern hook.

A moment later, Kujuurou sees Rin: asleep on a blanket atop a bale of hay. He approaches Rin, then gently nudges her.

Rin wakes up, blinking her eyes, and she studies Kujuurou.

"Rin _-dono_ ," says Kujuurou, "there are better places for a young bride to sleep."

"I know," says Rin, smiling softly, "but can you see the moon and stars from a bed?"

"In the right bed, you may," says Kujuurou as he sits next to Rin.

"Please, Kujuurou," says Rin. "Show me the best way to look at a full moon...like you did once before."

Kujuurou stares at Rin as she lies back on her blanket. _Rin-dono, wearing only her yukata, reminds me...that I am a man,_ he says to himself.

Rin takes Kujuurou's hand in her hand, smiling up at him.

Kujuurou leans over Rin. "It would be an honor, Rin _-dono..._ " he says, his need evident in his eyes.

Rin trembles a moment, then starts to reach up to kiss Kujuurou.

Kujuurou gazes at Rin, her eyes bright with new desire, then sighs as he places a hand over Rin's lips and kisses her forehead. "This honor...is for your husband," he says.

Rin frowns, then looks into Kujuurou's eyes. "You could be my husband," she says.

"It's not that simple..." Kujuurou sighs.

"It is if you want it to be," counters Rin, looking away from Kujuurou.

"I..." Kujuurou begins; his words trail off as he notes tears in Rin's eyes. "Words...are inadequate," he whispers, kissing away Rin's tears.

Rin pushes Kujuurou away, angry. "Don't treat me like a child!" she spits.

Kujuurou stares at Rin. "Child...?" he says softly, chuckling. "Rin, you are no child to me."

"What am I to you, Kujuurou?" Rin demands.

"You are the woman I want," says Kujuurou. "I love no other."

"Then take me," says Rin.

"You don't know what you ask me to do," says Kujuurou. "What I...want to do."

"Are you denying me because I'm a peasant?" asks Rin.

Kujuurou laughs. "As if I care what my retainers think," he scoffs, "though to be fair to them, they are sensible enough to like you."

"Then why...?" asks Rin.

Kujuurou stands, then picks Rin up, carrying her out of the barn. "I must obey my master," he says, "whether he is right or wrong."

Several minutes later, Kujuurou arrives outside Rin's bedchamber, holding Rin in his arms.

Rin touches Kujuurou's collarbone. "Couldn't you be my husband...for tonight?" she asks.

"No, sweet Rin," says Kujuurou as he sets Rin down on her feet. He draws Rin close. "I wouldn't be satisfied with a single night," he adds in a whisper.

Rin starts to open her mouth...

...but Kujuurou places a finger over her lips. "We will not deceive Kohaku, either," he continues. "That is beneath us both."

"Then... Good night, Kujuurou _-san_ ," says Rin, bowing.

"Good night, Rin _-dono_ ," says Kujuurou, turning away from Rin as she enters her room.

Kujuurou glances back briefly, then winces as he sees the door shut.

* * *

"I will honor you," says Kohaku to Rin, "and cherish you until the end of my days."

"And I..." says Rin, trembling. She briefly glances at Kujuurou, then turns to face Kohaku, her expression resolute. "I will honor...the pact we have made," she continues.

Sango studies Rin, confused. "Why does she sound like a soldier steeling herself for a long siege?" she asks Miroku.

"I don't know," says Miroku. "Your brother's grown into a nice enough young man. If only Rin had been old enough to wed sooner," he continues, admiring Rin's beauty."

"Sesshoumaru would have murdered you," snorts Inuyasha, "though I have no idea why he even bothers with that particular human girl. Of course, if it hadn't been for him," he continues, rolling his eyes, "Rin would be marrying Kujuurou, not wasting her time with Kohaku."

"You're not the most reliable source of love advice, Inuyasha _-dono_ ," says Jirogorou quietly.

"You'd have to be a fool not to see that Rin and Kujuurou love each other," says Inuyasha. "Hosting this wedding has to be torture for him, but it's his own fault for obeying Sesshou..." Inuyasha trails off, sniffing the air as he growls.

A large group of poorly-dressed vagabonds enter the wedding hall.

A retainer approaches the leader of the band of vagabonds. "What business has brought you to us?" he demands.

The leader: a large, muscular man with long and wavy dark hair, smirks at the retainer; he looks toward Rin and Kohaku. "I came," he says, "to wish Rin a lovely wedding night."

Rin stares at the man, confused. "I...don't know that man," she whispers to Kohaku.

Kohaku frowns, nudging Rin behind him.

"I don't like this," hisses Inuyasha. "Those men smell like blood. Is Toshi blind!?"

"I have no reason to believe that Kouma _-kun_ would be in league with such distateful vagrants," says Jirogorou. "This is obviously a juvenile prank on Kouma _-kun's_ part to embarrass Sasaki _-kun_ for making him stand watch."

"If it's a prank," says Inuyasha, "then it's gone too far."

* * *

"What was your reason for this insult, Kouma?" demands Kujuurou, glowering at Toshitada.

On his knees, Toshitada trembles at Kujuurou's snarling tone, unwilling to face him.

"Answer me, Kouma," Kujuurou continues softly.

"I...have no acceptable answer, my liege..." says Toshitada truthfully.

"Ignorant fool. Of course no answer is acceptable," says Kujuurou quietly. "Nonetheless, Kouma: you allowed those vagrants to enter my home," he continues, "so you must answer for it."

"Sasaki _-sama_ ," says Toshitada, "I cannot."

"Either you will answer to me, Kouma Toshitada," says Kujuurou, relentless, "or the house of Kouma will answer."

Toshitada's head jerks up as he stares into Kujuurou's cold, yet rage-filled eyes. "Please, Sasaki _-sama_ ," he says. "The fault is my own, and only my own. I beseech you: do not lay this at the feet of my clan."

Kujuurou scowls down at Toshitada, drawing his _washizaki_. "I...cannot forgive you, Kouma Toshitada..." he hisses.

Toshitada steels himself for the fatal blow.

Kujuurou strikes Toshitada on the auburn-haired samurai's forehead...with the hilt of the _washizaki_. "You live," Kujuurou growls, "only because your sin was not against me. You are not mine to destroy."

Toshitada's eyes widen.

Sesshoumaru approaches Kujuurou and Toshitada. "Sasaki," he says curtly, "I do not require Kouma's life. I have brought the one who needs to die to satisfy me. You will release Kouma now."

"Yes, my lord," says Kujuurou to Sesshoumaru. He returns his focus to Toshitada. "Go, Kouma," spits Kujuurou, "and do not show your face before me again...if you value your life: for I do not."

Shaking at Kujuurou's words, Toshitada slowly rises to his feet, then flees from the Sasaki castle.

"Now," says Sesshoumaru to Kujuurou's retainers, "bring the prisoner which I have captured."

The retainers look to Sasaki.

"Do it," barks Kujuurou. "Sesshoumaru _-sama_ is my lord, as I am your lord. His commands are greater than my own."

Nodding, the retainers obey; they retrieve the prisoner: the leader of the brigands who had disrupted the wedding.

The brigand leader shudders in fear of Kujuurou. "Are you..." he asks slowly, "going to kill me again?"

Kujuurou seethes at the brigand leader, then looks to Sesshoumaru.

"I am only able to revive a life once with the Tenseiga," says Sesshoumaru gravely.

"Thus," says Kujuurou, grim as Sango approaches with Miroku, "it is Sango _-dono_ who requires your life."

The brigand leader trembles, then clings to Miroku's leg. "P-plead with her to spare me," he begs.

Miroku escapes the brigand leader's grip. "I have no authority to intervene in this matter," he says gravely. "May the gods have mercy on your soul."

"You..." hisses Sango, taking out a _katana_. "You are meat to be wasted." She drives the _katana_ into the brigand leader's heart.

The brigand leader falls to the ground, dying.

Jirogorou gazes on the dying brigand leader, disgust on his face. "Shall we at least burn the corpse?" he asks.

"I shall not grant this vagrant the dignity of fire," says Kujuurou.

"Yet we must dispose of the remains," muses Jirogorou calmly. He turns to a pair of low-caste servants. "When that thing dies," he says to the servants, "take it to the dung heap behind Sasaki _-sama's_ castle; then, after you've cleansed yourselves, you may end your lives with these, as your debts to my house will be forgiven with this task." Jirogorou hands the servants a pair of expensive daggers.

The brigand leader dies. The two servants bow to Jirogorou, gratitude in their eyes, then carry the brigand leader's corpse off.

Jirogorou studies Kujuurou, noting blood-red armor beneath the latter's ceremonial garments.

Kujuurou notes Jirogorou's scrutiny; he scowls. "Let us retire within, Kuroda _-sama_ ," says Kujuurou. He leaves for the castle.

Jirogorou follows after Kujuurou.

* * *

Several hours later, after dark, Inuyasha approaches Sesshoumaru.

"Something's off about both Kujuurou and Jirogorou," says Inuyasha to Sesshoumaru. "They're both wearing armors that give off a foul, unholy miasma."

"Hn. So you have noticed it after all," says Sesshoumaru. "We shall have to watch them."

"You watch those two," snorts Inuyasha. "I'm going to track Toshi down and get a real answer. It doesn't make any sense for him to beg like that-especially not to Kujuurou."

Sesshoumaru nods.

"It's sad that this is one of the most civil conversations we've had," says Inuyasha.

"Do not trifle with me, half-breed," says Sesshoumaru.

Inuyasha snorts, then leaves.

"Humans...are fools," says Sesshoumaru quietly. He walks away from the Sasaki castle.


	5. Prologue 05

**ELIXIR OF LIFE - Prologue** _ **#05**_ : Ami must be very dear to you.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

"Forget about _ojou-sama_ , Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Sawamura.

"Yeah," adds Kirishima. "She always has her nose in a book. She doesn't want to be bothered by us."

"I think she's pretty," says Okubo quietly.

Kazuma sighs, then walks up to Mizuno. "Hello, Mizuno _-san_ ," he says to the girl.

Mizuno looks up from her book. "Hello, Kuwabara _-san_ ," she says politely, returning to her book.

"What are you reading?" asks Kazuma.

"A book on microorganisms," says Mizuno, continuing to read.

"Oh. Do you want to play with me and my friends?" Kazuma asks, making a ridiculous face.

"No, Kuwabara _-san_ , but I thank you," says Mizuno, not looking up from her book.

 _She didn't even notice that!_ Kazuma fumes, pouting. _I'd bet that she'd still read even if a frog was on her head..._ Kazuma's thoughts trail off as a new scheme forms in his mind. "I'll see you later, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Kazuma aloud.

Mizuno nods, still reading.

* * *

The next day, Kazuma puts his plan into motion.

"This is a stupid idea, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo.

"She's going to be mad," grins Kirishima.

"I'm watching this from a safe distance, Kuwabara _-san_ ," adds Sawamura.

Kazuma rolls his eyes at his friends, his arms holding his soggy light gray school jacket-filled with frogs from a pond near Tamaishi Elementary. "Just wish me luck," he says, sneaking over to Mizuno.

"I wish you wouldn't do this," says Okubo, slapping his forehead.

* * *

 _Kaeru, kaeru, kaeru..._

 _Why does it sound like croaking frogs...?_ wonders Mizuno.

Mizuno wipes her forehead; her eyes widen as she notes her head and the back of her hand is slimy. She sets down her book and stands to her feet, then removes a rather large bullfrog from her head.

"This is so...puerile," Mizuno spits. "Who would resort to- _kyaa_!" She shrieks suddenly, discovering that someone had dumped a mess of frogs down her uniform.

Kazuma, the culprit, stares at his work: grinning stupidly a moment...until he notices a bit of white. "Panty flash," he hisses.

The boy lies on the ground for a better look at Mizuno's panties while the girl frantically rids herself of the frogs.

Mizuno lifts the front of her dress and removes the last frog, who had managed to wriggle inside her panties; she then notes Kazuma grinning up at her, eyes twinkling.

"Hello, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Kazuma.

Mizuno gives Kazuma a terse, peeved smile. "Did you enjoy yourself, Kuwabara _-san_?" she asks.

"You're so angry with me," says Kazuma, "but I couldn't help it."

Mizuno scowls, then places a foot on Kazuma's neck. "Name one reason why I shouldn't crush your trachea," she demands.

"What's a 'trachea'?" asks Kazuma.

"You...stupid boy!" hisses Mizuno, stomping on Kazuma's chest.

* * *

Chiba Mamoru pokes Shizuru's shoulder. "Yo, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," he says. "Isn't that your little brother getting stepped on across the street?"

"Probably," snorts Shizuru. "Kazu's an idiot who likes getting into fights."

"Not with girls, Shizuru _-san_ ," says her friend, Umino Sara, adjusting her thick pair of glasses.

Shizuru sighs, annoyed. "Let me see what stupid thing he's done," she says, crossing the street from her school to the "fight" at Tamaishi Elementary.

On school grounds, Mizuno kicks Kazuma's side.

Shizuru grips Mizuno's shoulder just as the younger girl starts to attack Kazuma again. "What retarded thing did my brother do?" she asks calmly.

Kazuma sits up, too annoyed with his older sister to realize his reprieve. " _Aneki_ ," he says, "the proper question to ask someone beating the crap out of a loved one is 'why are you attacking my baby brother?' Don't assume my guilt."

"I know you too well, Kazu," says Shizuru with a thin smile.

Chiba and Umino join Okubo, Sawamura, and Kirishima in observing the chaos.

Kazuma rises to his feet; Mizuno, fuming, picks up Kazuma's pond-soaked school jacket and presents it to Shizuru. A small frog hops along the gray fabric.

Shizuru pinches the bridge of her nose.

"I recognize that all boys like to play idiotic pranks such as this," says Mizuno, attempting to remain calm, "but there was no cause for Kuwabara _-san_ to be perverted about it," she continues, blushing.

Shizuru glares at Kazuma.

"Panty flash...?" says Kazuma nervously.

"Please forgive my younger brother for hurting your foot with his thick skull," says Shizuru, grabbing Kazuma by the back of his T-shirt. "Let me finish beating the shit out of him for you."

"I'm going home, Kuwabara _-sempai_ ," says Mizuno to Shizuru. "Good day, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," she adds curtly to Kazuma.

"I made her mad..." sighs Kazuma, astonished.

Shizuru shakes Kazuma's wet school jacket, then flogs the boy with it. Kazuma runs from Shizuru as the two siblings head home.

"That kid provides me with so much free comedy," grins Chiba.

* * *

"Move," hisses Okubo.

Kazuma slowly lifts his head up to see Okubo, glaring at the pudgy boy. "Why...?" he demands.

"Let her sleep on me for a bit, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo. "I'd probably be more comfortable for her."

"No," spits Kazuma, absently stroking Ami's cheek. "You'll wake her up, dumbass."

Okubo trembles. "All you have to do is move," he counters, "and I'll slide right in. Mizuno _-san_ won't even notice."

Kazuma stares at Okubo, irritated. "I don't want to move," he says. "I'm kind of sleepy myself," Kazuma continues.

"You can't sleep with her!" says Okubo, fuming.

"I'm not moving, Okubo," says Kazuma.

Okubo pulls on Kazuma. "I-I'll make you move!" he says.

Ami stirs, clinging to Kazuma.

"Stop it," Kazuma hisses. "You're going to wake her up."

Okubo glares at Kazuma a moment, then punches Kazuma.

Kazuma gently sets Ami down on the ground, stands, takes off his jacket, and places it over Ami's shoulders. Kazuma then rubs his cheek, befuddled.

Okubo yanks off his jacket, snatches Kazuma's jacket from Ami, and places his own jacket over her.

Kazuma walks over to Okubo. "If you're going to punch me," he says, "then fucking punch me harder than that weak shit you tried before!" Kazuma punches Okubo, causing the heavier boy to stagger.

Okubo lunges at Kazuma; the two boys grapple.

Sawamura snickers. "They're fighting over _ojou-sama_ ," he grins.

"This is so stupid," mutters Kirishima. "Kuwabara _-san_ probably isn't even aware of how much he likes _ojou-sama_."

"What about Okubo?" asks Sawamura.

"Fuck Okubo: she shot him down," snorts Kirishima.

* * *

Shizuru arrives with two schoolmates to walk Kazuma and his friends home from the batting cage.

"Look," spits Kazuma to Okubo, "you're going to tire yourself out and lose this fight."

"Shut up!" counters Okubo, charging at Kazuma.

Sawamura and Kirishima laugh as Kazuma dodges and trips Okubo.

"What is going on?" demands Shizuru quietly.

"They're being stupid," grins Sawamura.

"Why is your little brother fighting the fat kid?" wonders one of Shizuru's classmates. "Aren't they friends?"

"Since kindergarten," sighs Shizuru. She stands between Kazuma and Okubo.

"Get out of the way, Shizuru _-san_ ," spits Okubo. "I have to beat him up."

Kazuma snorts. "I'm the one beating you up, dumbass," he scoffed. "Why are we even fighting?"

"Because you wouldn't move and let Mizuno _-san_ sleep on me," fumed Okubo.

"She was already asleep just fine on me!" counters Kazuma. "Are you happy now? She's sleeping on the ground!"

Shizuru scowls at the two boys, then turns to her schoolmates. "Please take these four boys home before I kill them," she says, hitting Kazuma on the back of his head.

"We'll...take ourselves home," grins Sawamura. He left with Kirishima.

Kazuma rubs his skull. "I know better than to say that Okubo hits like a girl," he says, "considering you, _aneki_."

"Shut up and go home before you get more than that!" spits Shizuru.

Kazuma glares at Shizuru and Okubo, then starts to retrieve his jacket...except that Ami clutches the jacket tightly.

Okubo winces as he picks up his own jacket. "It's not fair," he sighs. He glares at Kazuma. "I can't stand you!" he spits at Kazuma before running off.

Shizuru's classmates follow after Okubo.

Ami wakes up; she rubs her eyes, then stares up at Kazuma, still holding his jacket.

"I...need my jacket back, Ami _-san_ ," says Kazuma.

"Oh..." says Ami, slowly handing Kazuma back his jacket.

"I'm...sorry to wake you," says Kazuma.

"Go home, Kazu," orders Shizuru. "I'll walk Mizuno home."

Kazuma rolls his eyes, slings his jacket over one shoulder, and complies with Shizuru's order.

"What happpened?" asks Ami as she rose to her feet.

"Something stupid," says Shizuru. "Be grateful that you're an only child."

Ami stares at Shizuru.

"Let's go to your house," says Shizuru. "We need to talk about things."

Ami nods; she picks up her book bag and heads home, followed by Shizuru.

* * *

Kazuma scowls at his father, watching the man drink. "Why am I hanging out with you at a bar?" he says. "This isn't appropriate for a kid my age."

Kazuma's father grins. "You have your mother's scolding look in your eyes," he says. "This is what men do," he continues, "and you're becoming a man."

Kazuma's eyes widen. "Really?" he wonders, tensing a thin, spindly bicep.

"You and Okubo were fighting over a girl," says Kazuma's father.

Kazuma shook his head. "I'm not sure about Okubo," he says, "but I fought him because he hit me. It had nothing to do with Ami _-san_."

"Except that you know Okubo has feelings for Ami," says Kazuma's father.

"So what?" pouts Kazuma, fuming. "She doesn't share those feelings," he spits, "and I'm tired of always thinking about Keiichi's dumb feelings. What about my feelings?"

Kazuma's father smiles with understanding.

"I mean, she's my friend too!" continues Kazuma. "And I liked having Ami _-san_ rest on my chest; I felt manly, like I was protecting her."

"Ami must be very dear to you," says Kazuma's father.

Kazuma nods. "I like her a lot," he grins. "Nothing against Sawamura, Kirishima, or even Okubo: but my friendship with Ami _-san_ is special."

"I guessed as much," says Kazuma's father.

"It's like sometimes I just want to be alone with Ami _-san_ ," continues Kazuma, "and not hang around those three so much. Have you ever felt that way about a girl, _otousan_?"

"Yeah," says Kazuma's father, grinning. "So I convinced your mother to marry me."

"M-marry?" wonders Kazuma, blushing. "It's not like that!"

 _Not yet, Kazu-chan,_ says Kazuma's father to himself.

"I'm only ten!" balks Kazuma. "I can't have a girlfriend!"

"Ami is a girl, she is your friend," says Kazuma's father, "and you two like each other. Also," he continues, "you two are at the age when you start to think of each other in a grown-up way."

"But Ami _-san's_ tits aren't even-*" Kazuma abruptly clamps his hands over his mouth. "Don't pay attention to that," he hisses at his father, blushing. "That was a secret."

"What are you talking about?" asked Kazuma's father, grinning.

"The...nothing!" Kazuma splutters, shrieking. "I didn't say anything!"

Kazuma's father chuckles, then draws Kazuma close to him in a friendly, fatherly hug. "I know, Kazu," he says. "I know."


	6. Prologue 06

**ELIXIR OF LIFE - Prologue** _ **#06**_ : You cannot begin to know my heart.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

Shutendouji laughs. "Any last words, bearer of Rekka, before I end your life?" he asks crudely, admiring his gruesome handiwork.

Ryo struggles to control his trembling, his face bruised and bloody. _He's...an asshole,_ he seethes silently. _I'm half-dead already, and the only reason I'm still breathing is because Rekka's trying to heal-*_

Shutendouji interrupts Ryo's thoughts, yanking the part of the _kusarigama_ chain binding Ryo's neck. "Speak up," he sneers, "and speak now...or forever hold your peace."

Ryo slowly struggles to his feet, defiance in his eyes. He spits blood at Shuten's feet.

"What manner of response is that?" asks Shuten, narrowing his eyes.

"How else...should I respond..." says Ryo, his breathing labored, "...to a warrior...who has no honor...?"

Shutendouji blinks, staring at Ryo in disbelief. "What...?" he asks.

Ryo chuckles. "You have...no honor..." he says.

Shutendouji glares at Ryo. "Explain yourself, boy," he orders.

"You and your partners...sat on the sidelines...and sent some other guy to fight your battles..." says Ryo, "...and just now, you threw...a woman and child..." he continues, nodding to Nasuti and Jun, "...into damned Mount Fuji...just to gain an advantage in a fight."

"So...?" wonders Shutendouji, confused.

"You're worse than a coward," spits Ryo, struggling to stay on his feet. "You're dishonorable..." he continues, "...and have no right...to call yourself...a samurai..." Ryo looks directly into Shutendouji's eyes.

Shutendouji trembles, but looks back into Ryo's eyes; his own eyes shine with fury.

"What?" says Ryo after a moment. "Nothing to say...? Are you finally ashamed...?"

Shutendouji's trembling stops; he smiles gently at Ryo. "Your charge against me is serious," he says, calm. "I had to consider your words carefully," he continues, "so that I could determine how to answer you."

Ryo glares at Shutendouji. "And...?" he asks.

"You," says Shutendouji, his smile fading, "are an ignorant fool."

Ryo stares at Shutendouji.

"Allow me to reveal to you the full extent of your ignorance," Shutendouji continues, using his _kusarigama's_ chain to jerk Ryo off the ground-only to slam him back down, "as I teach you respect...you masterless dog."

Nasuti and Jun tremble in shock as Shutendouji relentlessly whips and flings Ryo against the rocky, volcanic ground near Mount Fuji.

Jun tenses his fist. "Stop it!" he shrieks, tears in his eyes. "You're going to kill him!"

Shutendouji grins. "I know," he says, jerking Ryo's prone body into the air and swinging the chain-with Ryo still attached-around over his head. "That is my duty as a warrior, child: to kill my enemy."

"But do you have to be so brutal about it!?" demands Nasuti.

"He questioned-no, insulted-my honor," spits Shutendouji, yanking Ryo down to the ground, before Nasuti and Jun. "My enemy, the bearer of the Yoroi no Rekka, shall answer for it...with his life." With that, Shutendouji resumes his fierce assault.

* * *

Ryo stands up, stepping out of his body. "I'm...free...?" he wonders, confused.

Ryo looks around at Mount Fuji, noting Shutendouji, Nasuti, and Jun. "Why...can't I hear them...?" he asks aloud.

"Because you're dying," says an aged man flatly, "and corpses don't hear very well."

"You're a disgrace," adds a young man resembling Ryo, "to both our clan and to Takeda _-sama_." The young man nods to the aged man, Takeda.

"My clan...?" winces Ryo. "The...Sanada clan?"

The young man nods.

"My only objection to that fellow's conduct," says Takeda curtly, "is that in his well-justified outrage, he called you 'masterless', Sanada Ryo."

Ryo stares at Takeda. "Sir," he says, his expression stony, "he's technically correct on that one point: no one has had 'masters' to obey since the Meiji Restoration."

"Ah. That explains your ignorance," says the young man, his expression cool.

Ryo scowls at the young man. "If you're from my clan," he says, "and you were watching that fight, then you saw what the hell that maniac did."

"Yes. That fellow is a very skilled warrior," says the young man. "My honored father would gladly have retained him."

Ryo stares at the young man in shock. "Who the hell is your father!?" he demands, furious.

The young man sighs. "Sanada Masayuki," he says simply.

Takeda laughs. "He may be a young fool, Nobushige _-kun_ ," he says to the young man, "but he definitely inherited your spirit."

Ryo blinks, then covers his mouth, his eyes wide with realization. "F-forgive me..." he gasps.

"Your fault is not against me," says Sanada Nobushige-known generally as Sanada Yukimura, "but against your committed opponent."

"He's fighting dirty!" spits Ryo. "Yet you and Takeda _-san_ are calling me a disgrace!"

"The only way to wipe the slate clean, Ryo," says Sanada, folding his arms, "is for you to win this fight. Otherwise, if you die here: in such an ignoble fashion," he continues, "then we will not acknowledge you."

Ryo glares at Sanada.

"More to the point," says Takeda, "if you die here, then the woman and child will, at best, join you in death: the brave struggles you and your comrades have endured to protect them will be in vain."

"'At best...'?" asks Ryo, staring at the surreal scene of Shutendouji nudging Ryo's inert body, the Masho silently taunting a frightened Nasuti and Jun.

"Oh, the child is done for," says Takeda. "But the young woman is comely, with vivid, exotic hair; she would fetch a fine price. Though I suspect that this Shutendouji fellow would take his pleasure from her first..."

"That's not going to happen!" spits Ryo.

"It will if you die, Sanada Ryo," says Sanada soberly.

"Do not dishonor my _kamon_ ," adds Takeda, "which graces your armor."

"I will...protect them," says Ryo, determination in his eyes. He rushes toward his body, then reenters it.

"In order for those five to fight competently," says Takeda, "a more effective means to keep those two from harm will be needed."

"I agree, Takeda _-sama_ ," says Sanada. "Don't you, Kaosu _-sensei_?" he says to a partially-hidden figure in the distance.

The figure emerges, then nods.

* * *

Shutendouji and Ryo land on a rock outcropping within the volcano.

Ryo squares his shoulders as he regains his strength.

"Shit," Shutendouji hisses under his breath.

Ryo grins at Shutendouji. "Didn't expect that, did you?" he asks.

"No...I did not," says Shutendouji, returning the smile. "I underestimated you; that was my error."

Ryo stares at Shutendouji.

Shutendouji laughs, the tone friendly and affable.

"Why are you acting like I'm your friend!?" demands Ryo.

"No, Rekka: I'm not mistaken in that," says Shutendouji wryly. "Your objective is to kill me. It's so damned hot in here, that were I not in my own _yoroi_ , I would already be dead. My gesture," he continues, "is a mark of respect for you: were we not enemies, we would certainly be friends."

"I don't see how," says Ryo, confused.

"As a true warrior, you're willing to destroy yourself to defeat your enemy," says Shutendouji. "Thus, I admit my error: you are not as grossly ignorant of the arts of war as I thought."

"It's not a matter of that," says Ryo. "I just want to beat you-to save my friends."

"I see. But will this carry you and your comrades-scattered throughout this land-against the other Masho, and my master, Arago _-sama_?" asks Shutendouji.

Ryo gives Shutendouji a silent, determined glare.

"Why?" wonders Shutendouji. "You have no master."

"You are mistaken," says Ryo. "I...am my own master." With that, Ryo summons the Yoroi no Rekka, then defeats Shutendouji with his ultimate attack, the Souenzan.

* * *

"It...it's some kind of trick," says Ryo, trembling. "Shutendouji can't be...he can't! He's not what we think he is. I won't believe it."

Touma picks up the arrow he fired at Shutendouji, then touches its tip. _The blood: it's still moist..._ he muses silently. "You can believe what you want, Ryo," he says aloud, "but the facts don't support your beliefs."

The other Troopers stare at Touma in shock; they watch as Touma tastes the blood on his fingers.

"Ugh...you tasted his blood...?" balks Shuu. "It's _yokai_ blood!"

Touma rolls his eyes. "Fact-gathering, Shuu," he says. "If it looks like human blood, smells like human blood, and tastes like human blood: then in all likelihood," continues Touma, "the blood I drew-from trying to fire this arrow into Shuten's brainpan-is a human being's blood."

"Then...maybe it's just him-just Shuten," says Ryo, his eyes betraying uncertainty. "I wouldn't put it past Arago to brainwash a human being to do his bidding," he adds, an obstinate pout on his face.

"I refuse to believe that a blood descendant of Sanada Yukimura: the 'Crimson Demon of War' is being so willfully-stupid," says Touma, his expression cross and unsympathetic.

"Leave my ancestor out of this!" fumes Ryo.

"Why?" asks Seiji quietly, touching his chin. "Our ancestors would all likely applaud our enemies' tactics. Hell," he continues, "my honored ancestor would probably try to retain Anubis for his sword skill alone."

"Exactly, Seiji," says Touma. "We've been fighting the Masho, who all speak like they've stepped right out of _**Kumonosu Jou**_ -and fight like actual fucking samurai."

"They fight dirty!" spits Ryo.

"In other words: like actual fucking samurai," say Touma and Seiji in unison.

"Our _shonen_ anime depictions of samurai are of no use here," adds Shin. "If we continue thinking like this, the Masho will kill us."

Touma nods.

"Ah," says Seiji sardonically, "so if the Masho were men from the Sengoku period, then all Arago had to do was give them armor like ours and promise them absolute power. Is that what you're thinking, Touma?" he adds with a gallant smile.

"You pretend to joke, Date," says Touma, an understanding look in his eyes, "but you're a smart-enough guy to realize that may very well be how it went down."

Seiji loses his smile, glowering at the ground.

"Shutendouji's incredibly healthy-looking for someone who's centuries-old," scoffs Ryo.

"That's a good point. Still," says Touma, calm, "we need to remain open to the possibility that all of the Masho are human beings."

The Troopers all become quiet, as Touma's words hang in the air.

"If they're human," says Shuu, subdued as he breaks the silence, "and their armor is like ours, then..." Shuu trails off, reluctant to finish his thought.

"Then what?" asks Touma.

"Take it easy," says Ryo.

"Ryo, we're after the truth," says Touma. "We can't defeat Arago if we operate on faulty premises."

"But-*" starts Ryo.

"It's okay, Ryo," says Shuu, glaring at Touma. "I was about to say: 'what does that say about us'? You know, if the Masho are humans with magic armor like ours."

"You're the descendant of Genghis Khan, Shuu," says Touma. "You do the math."

Shuu's eyes widen; he trembles a moment, then scowls. "It doesn't matter if they're human or not!" he bellows. "They're evil, and we're the good guys," he continues, tensing his fists. "We beat the shit out of them and their master Arago, so we can save mankind."

"But if the Masho are human like us," counters Shin, staring at his feet, "then we have a duty as human beings to try to reason with them."

"Shin: human society kills evil human beings who threaten innocent lives all the time," says Shuu. "What makes assholes like Shutendouji any different?"

"My concern," says Shin curtly, "is that we humans kill each other for far-less noble reasons than to protect the innocent."

"What the fuck are you saying!?" fumes Shuu.

"If we just kill the Masho-presuming they're all human," says Shin, conviction in his eyes, "without making any effort to save them from Arago's control, then-*"

"You're overthinking it, Shin!" spits Shuu. "Don't let Touma's bullshit get to you."

"I didn't say all of that shit for us to hand-wring about killing them-if we have to," says Touma. "I said it to warn you all that we are definitely human."

Shuu laughs ruefully. "No shit, genius," he sneers.

"So, since we're in agreement on this undisputed fact," says Touma, returning Shuu's rueful smirk, "then we have to accept that Arago could corrupt us-making _us_ the enemy of mankind."

"You...you're not wrong, Touma," says Shuu soberly.

Shin rubs his arms; Ryo shuts his eyes as he tenses his fists. Seiji sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose.

"So..." Shuu continues, "as we beat the shit out of the Masho and their master Arago to save mankind," he says, "let's work hard to be the best human beings we can be!" Shuu smiles broadly, flashing a victory sign at the other Troopers.

Touma laughs. "That I can agree with, Shuu," he says.

* * *

 _Who am I?_ muses an auburn-brown haired youth silently as he dons a coolie hat.

 _Can I call myself 'Shutendouji': the remorseless master of cruelty?_ he continues, walking away from a makeshift grave. _I no longer have the stomach for such savagery. And yet,_ the youthful-appearing man says to himself, _can I deny my past so readily? That monster..._

"You are not only Masho no Oni, young one," says Kenbukyo, "though he is a part of you."

The warrior once known as Shutendouji blinks at Kenbukyo and Kokuen, an armored black tiger resembling Byakuen. "I remember you, Kenbukyo _-dono_ ," he says after a moment. "The leader of the rebellion in the Youjekai."

"And I recall you: the young, headstrong leader of the Masho," says Kenbukyo, nodding his head. "The youngest, yet the strongest, of the four. I knew that there would come a day when you broke free from the usurper's rule."

"Surely you don't think my brutishness represents any real strength?" scoffs the warrior.

"It is a part of your nature, always there," says Kenbukyo, "long before you crossed paths with Arago. And, in and of itself, that 'brutishness' is no great evil."

The warrior stares at Kenbukyo.

"Your greatest sin, young warrior," continues Kenbukyo, "is one you are planning to commit again. Once more, you intend to turn your back on your obligations."

"You would have me face the enormity of my sins, Kenbukyo _-dono_ ," says the warrior. "I freely admit that I don't have the courage to do so."

"Why not?" asks Kenbukyo quietly.

"They weigh on me like chains-as debts I can never repay," says the warrior. "I want to be free."

"Your _yoroi_ is the key to your freedom," says Kenbukyo.

"The Yoroi no Oni is Arago _-dono's_ weapon," says the warrior, self-reproach and shame in his eyes.

"No. Your _yoroi_ , and those of the other Masho-along with those of the Troopers: each piece is yours," says Kenbukyo. "The Yoroi no Oni is bound to your will and spirit, and serves only you."

"What are you saying?" asks the warrior, confused. "Arago _-dono_ created the _yoroi_."

"Arago created a single _yoroi_ ," counters Kenbukyo. "That man you buried with honor and reverence, Kaosu: he reforged it into nine vessels. You and the other eight," Kenbukyo continues, "are the ones who, each in turn, purified those vessels-the _yoroi_ you know of-with your true natures."

The warrior laughs harshly. "My true nature is _chuu_ : loyalty," he sneers, "but I have clearly turned on my master."

"That presupposes that Arago was ever your master in the first place," says Kenbukyo. "In that respect, Arago was a fool. That scion of Taira you had served in your early youth," he continues, "now that one was a wise _daimyo_ : he recognized and respected the strength of his vassals, and never trifled with them."

The warrior's eyes widen a moment with recognition. "I turned my back on _him_ as well," he says.

"An honest mistake, borne of youthful hubris which gave way to panic," says Kenbukyo. "Yet without error," he continues, "how can you learn, or grow? How can you reach your ultimate potential?"

"You aren't making any sense, Kenbukyo _-dono_ ," says the warrior.

"You are where you are," says Kenbukyo, "because of your true nature. You must not reject any part of it."

"Do you expect me to don the Yoroi no Oni again?" asks the warrior.

"It is your _yoroi_ : you may do as you like with it...Kouma Toshitada," says Kenbukyo; he and Kokuen disappear.

* * *

Shuu and Rajura arrive in the Youjekai.

"Now," says Rajura, "I shall bring you to your friends, then present you with them to..." Rajura's words trail off as he studies Shuu...

...who stares at the surroundings with wonder and awe in his eyes.

"What are you doing?" says Rajura curtly after a moment. "Don't you want to meet your friends before you die?"

"Yeah, asshole," says Shuu, his voice quiet. "I was just thinking."

"Don't overexert yourself, Kongou," says Rajura.

Shuu chuckles. "The Youjekai is beautiful," he says.

Rajura stares at Shuu.

"Punch me!" barks Shuu abruptly.

Rajura sighs, then complies with Shuu's request, striking Shuu's jaw. "You are being so accommodating," he says.

Shuu blinks, then touches his jaw. "The pain's real," he says quietly.

 _What scheme is he plotting...?_ Rajura thinks, wary of Shuu.

"You're real," continues Shuu, "and my blood's definitely real."

"Ah," says Rajura, laughing lightly, "so you just wanted to confirm that this was no trick or illusion of mine."

"Yeah," says Shuu. "I don't have any agenda," he continues, "or any reason to lie to you, Rajura. I want to save my friends, and don't have time to fuck around with schemes."

"Yet I am your enemy," says Rajura. "In order to defeat your enemy, you must employ deception and misdirection."

"There are many ways to defeat your enemy," says Shuu. "I'm choosing to do it my way."

"Is that so?" drawls Rajura.

"Yeah," says Shuu.

Rajura chuckles. "I would say your strategy was a failure, then, Kongou."

"Looks like it," grins Shuu. "My guess is that you'll take me where you want me to go, then knock me out."

"Yes," says Rajura, privately annoyed. Without another word, he marches toward the Palace.

Shuu runs, then catches up with Rajura.

The Trooper and Masho walk in silence.

Shuu stops at a river, admiring its beauty.

Rajura, ahead of Shuu, halts; he turns and stalks toward Shuu. "What the hell are you doing?" he spits, his demand barely above a whisper.

"I...just can't get over how beautiful this place is," says Shuu.

"Of course it is beautiful," sneers Rajura, an insolent glint in his visible eye. "This is Arago _-sama's_ realm. Everything of worth and beauty is his."

Shuu sighs. "Since you think I'm stupid," he says, calm, "help me figure it out."

"If your objective is to try my patience, Kongou," says Rajura, "then you shall soon discover its limit."

"Just explain it," says Shuu. "How can the Youjekai belong to Arago," he asks, "if his soul is uglier than sin?"

"W-what...?" gasps Rajura.

"Never mind," says Shuu, locking his eyes onto Rajura's own. "We both already know the truth."

"What do you mean?" asks Rajura.

"Arago didn't build or create any of this!" declares Shuu.

Rajura laughs, his tone harsh. "You are so simple-minded!" he sneers.

"You're a smart guy," says Shuu. "I'll even be kind enough to admit that you're smarter than me...and so are your partners in crime."

"C-crime...?" sputters Rajura.

"That's right: _crime_ ," says Shuu. "You know it's true."

Rajura stares at Shuu.

"The heart beating in your chest is just as human as mine," says Shuu, "right along with the blood in your veins. That means, Rajura," he continues, "that though you call yourself Masho no Gen, you have a human soul."

"How idiotic!" balks Rajura.

"In your soul," counters Shuu, "you know the truth. Arago: the grand emperor of the Youjekai," he continues, "is nothing more than a common thief."

"Silence," hisses Rajura, seething.

"I know," grins Shuu ruefully. "I'd be mad too, if I were a skilled and smart soldier like you, and found that I was used by a thief and vagabond."

"You have no evidence," says Rajura, sullen.

"Shutendouji is all the evidence I need," says Shuu, conviction in his eyes and voice.

"What nonsense is this?" demands Rajura.

"Our _yoroi_ ," says Shuu. "It all stems from the same source, remember?" he adds, smirking.

"True," says Rajura.

"Kaosu, after he defeated Arago a thousand years ago, couldn't destroy this armor," says Shuu, "so he broke it into nine pieces and purified it by bonding each piece to a virtue or precept."

Rajura studies Shuu.

"The only way that a _yoroi_ will give its power to you," says Shuu, "is if its virtue is the strongest principle in your heart."

"You cannot begin to know my heart," says Rajura.

"I don't have to," says Shuu. "My own virtue, in Japanese, is _gi_ : justice. It seeks after the truth," he continues, "and will not be swayed by lies or distractions."

"And what does this have to do with that traitor you mentioned?" asks Rajura, bitter contempt in his voice.

"'Traitor'?" asks Shuu. "That's incorrect. I'm sure that you all looked at this place when you first arrived here, and wondered about it," he adds. "I know that Shutendouji, being the straightforward jackass out of the four of you, was the only one with the balls to ask Arago what I asked you at the start."

"Arago _-sama_...answered him then," says Rajura.

"If Arago spoke the truth back then," asks Shuu, "why would Shutendouji let you and your cronies grab him-rather than simply throw in his lot with us? Why would he try to tell you the truth you're afraid to face: that Arago's a damned liar?"

"Because that monk-the fellow who stole Arago _-sama's_ armor-deceived him," spits Rajura.

"Bullshit," says Shuu. "Everything about Shutendouji is predicated on devotion and loyalty. In fact," he continues, silently recalling a conversation with Touma, "Shuten's own virtue is _chuu_."

"You know nothing..." glowers Rajura.

"The whole reason Shuten ended up losing his helmet to Touma's arrow is because he wanted to bring honor to his master by killing Touma and Ryo," says Shuu. "And the whole reason he tried to warn you three," he continues, "is because you, Naaza, and Anubis were his comrades for over four hundred years-and as you guys are samurai, I know that you take the concept of 'brothers-in-arms' very seriously."

"Yet he betrayed us in the end," says Rajura.

"No," counters Shuu. "Shutendouji only betrayed the piece of shit who tortured him and tried to kill him. Arago wasn't owed any loyalty at that point."

"What poor samurai you and your comrades are," says Rajura.

"One," says Shuu, "my ancestors were never samurai. Two..." Shuu's words fade as he laughs.

Rajura glares at Shuu.

"Fuck you, okay!?" snorts Shuu, grinning. "You know that you're full of shit. One of my friends that your boss is torturing right now," he continues, a rueful smile on his face, "had defended your collective conduct as samurai. He'd say-even now-that the whole reason he and my other friends are alive is because their honored ancestors fought just as dirty as you assholes do."

"Would this be Suiko?" asks Rajura.

"No, not Shin," says Shuu. "Seiji. You jackasses call him Kourin. That's a descendant of Date Masamune you're fucking with."

"Kongou: you and your cohorts, who have no master to serve," says Rajura, "have chosen to oppose us and our master."

"Better for us to be _ronin_ ," says Shuu, "than to bow to a common thief."

"You..." says Rajura stonily, "have spoken enough."

Shuu closes his eyes, smiling gently as he resumes his walk to the Palace.

Rajura takes out his morningstar and clubs the back of Shuu's head, causing Shuu to fall to the ground, unconscious. He continues to hit Shuu's prone body, his visible eye glittering with barely-restrained rage.

Anubis appears, restraining Rajura. "Stop," he demands, quiet yet firm. "Arago _-sama_ requires him alive."

Rajura puts away his morningstar, then kicks Shuu. "I leave the matter of ensuring he lives to you," he says quietly, then disappears.

Anubis crouches down, examining Shuu. "Young fool," he whispers. "Angering Rajura was a grave error." Anubis vanishes with Shuu.

* * *

"What's that supposed to mean?" demands Jun, pouting at Toshitada.

Toshitada smiles serenely. "What do you ask of me?" he asks.

"What do you mean when you say 'I should not hold back so much'?" asks Jun.

Toshitada's smile grows crude...and terrifyingly familiar.

Jun sighs. "Ah...I'm forgetting who I'm sparring with, huh?" he says.

"Indeed," says Toshitada, "and in order to train you without killing you," he continues, "I've had to hold a lot back."

"Why do I feel so...insulted?" scowls Jun.

"Because your pride is wounded," says Toshitada. "After all of your efforts, you have improved enough...to realize just how little you know, and how much more you must learn to reach even my pitiful level."

"But you're the best swordsman I've ever seen...wait, no," says Jun, correcting himself. "Seiji and Ryo are both pretty skilled...and then there's Anubis and Naaza, who are both better than them with swords. Of course, I don't think I could wield a _kusarigama_ if I tried."

Toshitada chuckles.

"And Rajura's crazy...six-bladed thing: what is that?" balks Jun.

"Something he uses to confuse his opponents," says Toshitada. "His true weapons are the _nunchaku_ and morningstar."

"That...seems so simple and brute force," muses Jun.

"No one could seriously be expected to wield that weapon in open combat," scoffs Toshitada.

"He uses it just fine!" counters Jun.

"One: because it's a component of his _yoroi_ , and two: it is a testament to Rajura's skill as a combatant that he does use it so effectively; you have done well to recognize that fact."

"Were they...all trained like you?" asks Jun.

"I don't know the particulars of Rajura or Anubis' training," says Toshitada, "though I do recall that Rajura trained in China, and that Anubis mentioned studying the _**Go-rin-no-sho**_. That may be my memories of my actual past mixed with my time in the Youjekai, though," he continues, touching his chin.

Jun pulls out a small Polaroid photo. "What about Naaza?" he asks, showing Toshitada the photo: a picture of Naaza fighting Ryo. "Is his ability to move his arms at the speed of Bruce Lee a result of the _yoroi_?"

"No," says Toshitada. "That is his own skill. The Yoroi no Doku's specialty is poison, though Naaza's _ja ga ken musetsu orochi_ is obviously Doku's enhancement of Naaza's native ability with a sword."

"Then...how would you know of his ability at all?" asks Jun.

"From what I remember," says Toshitada, "Naaza...was my second _sensei_."

* * *

"Stay with me," says Rei quietly, her eyes unblinking as she stares at the _ofuda_ she holds in her hands. "You'll all be safe if you do."

The other girls tremble, wincing as various wraiths approach, but fail to penetrate a mysterious barrier.

"How!?" balks a girl. "How is Hino _-kun_ able to hold them off?"

"All of those monsters are scary," adds another girl, trembling. "How can Hino _-kun_ be so calm?"

Rei sighs. "Those phantasms are illusions," she says. "They're not real at all. The only real threat is the man in the spider armor," she continues.

"But we don't see anybody in spider armor, Hino _-kun_ ," hisses a third girl.

In the shadows, Rajura chuckles. "Silly little maiden," he whispers. "You shouldn't try to play at being a priestess with me."

"I'm not afraid of you, insect," counters Rei in an inaudible whisper.

"You will be," says Rajura quietly, "unless you leave your craven little cohorts to their own devices."

"I will not abandon them," says Rei.

"Then reveal me to them," says Rajura.

"Very well," says Rei. Her body glows with a bright red aura as she creates a circle of fire, illuminating the dark room and causing the illusory phantasms to fade away...

...revealing Rajura, who approaches Rei and her classmates from T-A Academy. Rajura laughs softly at first, then allows his voice to echo through the room.

Terrified, Rei's classmates panic, staring at Rajura and Rei.

"Don't be afraid!" says Rei. "That's what he wants. You have to stay inside the circle with me to be safe."

"Let us out!" wails a girl. "Please let us out!"

"You're just as much of a monster as he is!" spits another girl.

Rei's eyes widen, hurt; she glowers at Rajura and sends a wave of flame at the samurai as she disperses the fire circle to allow her classmates to flee.

"Amusing, that you would protect them," says Rajura, unhurt by the flame, "even after they proved themselves unworthy of your loyalty."

Rei scowls.

"Or is it that you're a pathetic girl who's desperate for companionship of any sort?" asks Rajura.

"You won't distract me," spits Rei.

"You have no idea how many priestesses I've slain, do you, child?" asks Rajura, chuckling.

Rei breathes slowly, intensifying her focus.

"Their suffering before death depends," Rajura continues, "on how lovely they are...and you are quite a prize, little one."

Rei blinks momentarily, then she laughs. "How utterly...typical in the end," she sneers.

Rajura stares at Rei, the girl still on her knees.

"I had said that you were a man in a figurative sense," grins Rei, "thinking you were a spider _yokai_. But you really are just a stupid man!"

"'Stupid...?'" wonders Rajura aloud. "I...am stupid...?"

"Always consumed by your appetites," spits Rei, "and only showing fealty to that thing between your legs."

Rajura laughs heartily. "You can't be serious, child-and you are indeed a girl of ten," he counters.

Rei shuts her eyes, allowing her aura to permeate the room. The aura coalesces into a massive raven of red _reiki_ ; the raven's wings envelop Rajura.

Rajura stops laughing, his body trembling. "W-what are you doing, child..!?" he demands, clutching his head.

"Burning it all away," says Rei quietly. "All of the stupid lies you use to hurt people, like webs to choke people's hope. I'll burn it all up."

"I warn you, girl," glowers Rajura, taking out a pair of _nunchaku_. "My mind is not a safe place for your games."

"Your games are ended," says Rei, opening her eyes and staring into Rajura's eye, "Kuroda Jirogorou."

* * *

Rajura seethes as he falls to knees. "You...little fool," he spits.

"What makes me a fool?" asks Rei. "The fact that because your parents were bad, miserable people that you chose to betray the human race? How despicable!"

Rajura breaks free of the raven; he stands and lunges at Rei, then grips her arms and lifts her off her knees. "How obnoxious you are, little one," he says quietly, "to judge me or my house with such scant knowledge."

Rei stares at Rajura.

"You cannot begin to know me, child," Rajura says. "However, since you have dared to try in such a reckless manner," he continues, "allow me to show you just how unwise you truly are...Hino Rei."

"I'm not like you," scowls Rei. "I don't have anything to hide!"

"Such a facile, fragile lie: so easily undone!" crows Rajura. "Don't you realize your error yet, my sweet?"

Rei studies Rajura a moment; her eyes widen in horror.

"Ah: now you recognize it," says Rajura. "In your inept efforts to invade my soul, little Rei," he adds, "you have opened your own soul completely to me: there is nothing about you that I do not know."

"You...you're lying!" spits Rei. "You're making it up to trick me and scare me!"

"Wishes and prayers will not make the truth any less unpleasant," says Rajura, relentless. "I am no more a liar than you are."

"Shut up!" hisses Rei.

Rajura laughs harshly. "You hide your pain and anger with your father behind this adorable facade of self-righteous determination," he sneers, "trying so hard to portray yourself as a heroic maiden disgusted with the worthlessness of men."

"You don't know anything about me!" counters Rei.

"Don't be foolish, child," says Rajura. "You're irritated with your grandfathers and their harmless perversions, but of course you love them."

"It's natural that I love my family!" spits Rei. "And they love me!"

Rajura sighs. "Indeed," he says. "Your father, the man you resent the most: the man who abandoned your mother...loves you-and loved your mother-more than you could ever know: or hope to understand."

"What do you know about love!?" seethes Rei.

"I know it when I see it," says Rajura. "I know that your father, the man you look down upon as less than nothing, would die before allowing you to see harm."

A man in a dark business suit breaks free from his bonds, grabs a _yari_ , and stabs a delinquent in the back.

Rei trembles. " _Otousan_ , stop!" she cries. "It's an illusion! I'm fine! I'm not in any danger-none of that's real!"

"He can't hear you," Rajura whispers into Rei's ear as he sets her down on her feet, "and you can't pretend that you aren't in peril."

Rei glares at Rajura.

Rajura gives Rei a smug look. "It's true that you're not being violated by young vagrants," he sneers, "but you have no hope of convincing your father of that." Rajura stares at Rei's father, in genuine awe as the businessman kills the last fake assailant.

" _Otousan_ , I'm over here!" Rei screams, watching as her father kneels down to tend to Rei's doppelganger...

...who brutally stabs him.

"His love for you," snickers Rajura, "my little one, has led him to his death."

Rei, her eyes filling with tears, shakes her head in disbelief.

"Foolish girl. Let this be a lesson to you," says Rajura, stern, "not to trifle with the world of men."

"S-shut up!" spits Rei.

"You must learn," counters Rajura. "If nothing else, know this, my little one: men will tell lies, but they will never live them. That is the difference between a man and a woman."

"You..." Rei hisses, a savage, feral scowl on her face; her body glows with burning red _reiki_ as the dark room bursts into flames.

"Are we still playing with fire, child?" asks Rajura.

"What are you, Kuroda Jirogorou, when all your lies are burned away?" says Rei, ignoring Rajura's taunt. "I bet that you're weak and pathetic," she continues, "and that you would burn away to nothing."

Rajura stares at Rei, trembling as the heat in the burning room increases. _It's...hot,_ he says to himself as he looks around, the flames slowly burning brighter. "Girl," he says, panting as he struggles to avoid succumbing to the stifling heat, "your clothes are starting to combust."

Rei briefly glances down at her uniform; she calmly tamps out the flames as she continues to intensify the fire.

"You will..." Rajura hisses, "kill yourself in your...foolhardy attempt to cook me, little one."

"So be it..." glowers Rei, who starts to cough, but continues to glow.

 _This reckless girl,_ marvels Rajura, catching Rei as she succumbs to the heat and smoke, falling unconscious. He removes his _yoroi_ , takes off his outer robe, and wraps Rei in it; then Rajura, cradling Rei in his arms, charges out of the room through the window to escape the burning room.

* * *

Rei comes to, breathing fresh air as she wakes to a golden twilight sky and slowly sits up.

A young man with pale silver hair loosely tied back strokes Rei's cheek, then kisses her.

Bewildered, Rei breaks the kiss; she slaps the young man. "What are you doing!?" Rei demands as she stares at him. "And why do you look like a pirate?"

The young man smiles, laughing softly. "I merely sought to exact my price, my sweet one," he says, a glint of mischief in his visible eye.

Rei gives the young man a confused, wary look.

"You took my breath away as I saved your life," smiles the young man, "so in return, given your age, I took your first kiss. An equitable and honest exchange."

Rei touches her lips, in shock.

"Was it pleasant, little one?" the young man asks gently.

Rei turns her back to the young man, furtively touching her tongue as she trembles; she glances at the young man from the corner of her eye, her cheeks a pale rose.

"You are such a lovely girl," muses the young man, touching his chin. "It isn't so surprising, then, that I saved you from your own overzealousness."

"Don't play the hero," spits Rei, glaring at the young man. "You only saved yourself."

"I will not deny it," says the young man. "Regrettably, you have made yourself a part of me," he adds, touching his forehead, "and I am now a part of you."

Rei stares at the young man, trembling.

"We are forever joined, until death, Hino Rei," says the young man, grave. "It frightens me as much as it does you."

Rei starts to open her mouth in protest...

...when Ryo and Touma approach the young man and Rei; Ryo carrying Rei's father on his back.

Rei rushes to Ryo. "Let him go!" she demands, pounding futilely onto Ryo, wearing the Yoroi no Rekka. "You've all done enough to him."

The young man chuckles softly.

"Indeed," grins Touma, in the Yoroi no Tenkuu. "How dare we save this man from a burning building and bind up his wounds?"

Rei blinks, confused.

Rei's father opens his eyes. "R-rei...?" he wonders aloud.

"Yes, _otousan_ ," Rei cries, relieved that her father's life was saved, "it's me. It's really me."

"I'm...glad. Let me down," says Rei's father to Ryo, "so I can take her home."

"I must be honest, sir," says Ryo as he complies. "That will take a while."

"Hino _-san_ ," says the young man to Rei's father, "please allow me to assist."

"And...who _are_ you, exactly?" asks Touma, wary.

The young man smirks as he teleports the group away from the main castle.

* * *

"You seemed to recognize him," muses Nasuti. "At the train tracks..."

"More than before," says Toshitada, a sad frown on his face. "The man who is now Rajura," he continues, "once served with me in the Battle of Okehazama."

Jun's eyes widen with awe. "Whose side were you on?" he asks eagerly. "Yoshitsune or Oda?"

"I fought under the banner of Oda Nobunaga _-sama_ ," says Toshitada, a faint hint of pride in his voice.

"Is...is that why you were laughing at that anime?" asks Jun.

Toshitada chuckles. "To be fair," he says, smiling, "Oda _-sama_ would have been pleased with that depiction of him as an armored _yokai_ lord."

Touma arrives with Ryo, Rei, Rei's father, and the young man.

"True," says Nasuti, "but if anyone was the villain during the Sengoku period, it would be Toyotomi."

"Who?" wonders Toshitada.

"Oh. He would have been known as Hashiba at that time," says Nasuti, gently thumping her forehead.

"Take that back, you bastard daughter of Yagyu Jubei," quips Touma good-naturedly.

Jun smiles at Touma and Ryo. "You're back!" he beams. "And you two even saved..." His voice trails off as he notes the young man.

"I shall take my leave now," says the young man quietly.

Toshitada grabs a now-terrified Jun, then levels his staff at the young man.

"I intend no harm at the moment," says the young man curtly. "I merely advise the lot of you to take this girl and her father home."

"Why should we listen to you?" asks Touma.

"It's not a matter of trusting me," says the young man, summoning green base armor, "but of acknowledging a simple fact." He grabs Rei's father and knees the businessman in the gut, reopening his wounds.

" _Otousan_!" shrieks Rei. She bends over her father, trying to stem the flow of blood from his abdomen.

"If I am correct," says the young man calmly, "that man requires a physician to treat his wounds properly, and we don't have those here in the Youjekai."

"So you decided to throw in your lot with the Masho," says Ryo.

Toshitada winces.

"He _is_ one of the Masho!" warns Jun.

"Yamano _-kun_ ," smiles the young man derisively as he summons his full armor, "I was saving that little surprise."

"Rajura," hisses Touma.

"Surely your regard for that man's life," sneers Rajura, "is more than your determination to see me die." With that, he vanishes.

"Damn it!" spits Ryo.

"This will set us back," says Touma, "which was probably his reason for dragging us back where we started."

"It is his justification," says Toshitada, healing the outer part of the wound.

"Can't you heal all of it?" asks Rei, a pleading look in her eyes.

"My ability as a monk, sadly, is limited," sighs Toshitada.

"I'm only able to burn things," moans Rei.

Jun holds the Jewel of Life over Rei's father. "I'm not sure how to get this to heal him," he frowns.

"Rajura has a point," says Touma, grim.

"We have to save the others!" counters Ryo.

"They'll hold out," says Touma. "For now, the two of us will give that bastard Rajura what he wants: this delay."

"What about my schoolmates!?" says Rei. "We need to get them home to their families."

"Forget about them...and about me...!" spits Rei's father. "Get Rei home!"

"Both you and your child are in danger," says Toshitada to Rei's father. He turns to Touma. "I shall remain here to pursue Rajura."

Ryo and Touma nod; they leave with Rei and her father through the gate to Youjekai.

"And we shall remain with you," says Nasuti. Jun nods.

"If you were wise, Nasuti _-dono_ ," says Toshitada curtly, "you and Jun would go with them."

"And if you hadn't thrown us both into Mount Fuji," scoffs Jun, "the two of us wouldn't be so determined to see this through to the end."

"The both of you are...exasperating," says Toshitada wryly. "Come, then, as you are so reckless with your own lives." He walks away from the main gate.

Nasuti and Jun follow him.

* * *

Seiji glowers at Makoto's newly-acquired couch, then sighs. "Would you like some help bringing that in, Makoto _-san_?" he asks.

Makoto drops the couch. "Quit distracting me!" she fumes.

"Jun and I are both able-bodied," says Seiji.

"Jun has to go to _kendo_ practice," says Makoto.

"I'm aware of that," says Seiji, his tone even as he walks toward Makoto and the couch, "but I detest the thought of allowing others in need to fend for themselves."

Makoto starts to pick up the couch...

...but Seiji shoves her onto the couch, then picks up the couch with her on it and carries it inside Makoto's apartment.

Jun blinks, in shock. _When did Seiji don his base armor?_ he wonders. After staring at the open door a moment, he enters Makoto's apartment and shuts the door.

* * *

"I don't want your charity," scowls Makoto, squirming in Seiji's arms.

"You won't have that," says Seiji, a determined expression on his face. "I can give you what you really want."

"W-what...?" asks Makoto, confused.

"I can give you a family," continues Seiji, "to replace the one you've lost."

Makoto blinks, trembling. "Y-you're being silly, Seiji _-san_ ," she says, nervous. "My parents are-*"

Seiji covers Makoto's mouth, then looks at Jun. "Please step back outside, Jun," he says, his eyes intense. "I'll be out soon."

Jun studies Seiji, who gently rubs Makoto's bare arm. "Are you okay?" he asks.

"Please get out, Jun," orders Seiji.

Jun shuts his eyes. "Just be careful, Seiji," he says as he complies.

"Let go of me, please," says Makoto, uneasy. "I'll be fine. My parents will-*"

"You and I both know that your parents aren't coming back, Makoto _-san_. They're dead," says Seiji flatly.

Makoto pushes Seiji away. "Why do you care!?" she spits.

"I empathize," says Seiji. "My parents are gone, too. The pain never leaves, either."

"You want to help me, Seiji _-san_?" asks Makoto quietly.

Seiji nods.

"Then I..." begins Makoto, tears falling down her face. She hugs Seiji, sobbing into his chest.

Seiji pulls Makoto close to him, rubbing her back.

"I...I want my family back!" Makoto cries. "Can you give me back my family?"

Seiji touches Makoto's chin, gazing into her eyes. "Makoto _-san_ ," he says, "I promise...to be family to you."

Makoto stares at Seiji.

"So. I'll have no more thoughts or words about you being a burden to me," continues Seiji. "Understood?" he adds, giving Makoto a gallant smile.

Makoto nods, smiling.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Seiji continues walking with Jun, heading to a _kendo_ _dojo_.

"...and Hida _-sensei's_ son is getting married," continues Jun. "Hiroki _-san's_ cool. He's going to be-ow!" spits Jun abruptly, rubbing the back of his head as Seiji walks past. "Why'd you hit me!?"

"I'll let you figure that out," says Seiji, his tone cold.

Fuming, Jun runs, catching up to Seiji. "You know what!? I already _have_ an idea why," he says, looking into Seiji's eyes, "but I don't want to be wrong."

Seiji sighs. "I've been rude, haven't I?" he says. "I was just curious about your comment, when you stepped out of Makoto _-san's_ apartment. What was that about?"

Jun studies Seiji a moment. "You're different, Seiji," he says, frowning.

"Different...?" asks Seiji.

"You would never have used your _yoroi_ out in the open like that," says Jun.

"I didn't," says Seiji. "I know how to summon the base armor without losing my clothes."

"But before, you would never have done that," says Jun.

"That's true," says Seiji, "but frankly, I didn't have a way to call Shuu _-san_ here to lug in another damned couch for Makoto _-san_."

"You're not the person you used to be," says Jun.

Seiji fixes his eyes onto Jun.

Jun squares his shoulders, resolute as he looks back at Seiji. "The way you were holding Makoto," he continues, "along with that look in your eyes: it looked like..."

"As though I wanted to make her my 'bed-servant'," scoffs Seiji, a mirthless smile on his face. "Is that what you were thinking: that I intended to force myself on a ten year-old girl?"

Jun pouts, blushing. "Shuu finally explained the whole thing about Shuten's words to Nasuti to me," he fumes, "after you all _laughed_ at me!"

"At least until Nasuti _-san_ slapped me for my insolence," says Seiji, rubbing his cheek. "Shuten _-kun_ is ultimately to blame for the matter."

"To be fair to him," says Jun, "he had tried to explain what he'd meant, but he was too embarrassed about it."

"I can imagine that his time with you two at Nasuti _-san's_ home was awkward," says Seiji.

Jun nods. "But...it was fun," he says, smiling sadly. "I'd bet that the others in the Youjekai miss him, too."

"Probably even more than we do," says Seiji. "Those three men are, for all practical purposes, brothers: and they lost one of their own."

"You're their brother too, Seiji," says Jun. "You and the other Troopers: especially Shuu and Shin."

Seiji winces, tensing his fists. "I...don't care to discuss that business with you, Jun," he says, a stony expression on his face. "Please let me resolve the matter in my own way."

In silence, Seiji and Jun continue their walk towards Jun's _kendo_ _dojo_.

"I just...don't want you to hurt Makoto by mistake," says Jun, "if you have those kind of feelings for her."

Seiji grins as he and Jun arrive at the _dojo_ ; he musses Jun's hair. "You've been around us for too long, Jun," he says, exasperated. "Spend some time with normal people." He leaves Jun at the _dojo_.


	7. Prologue 07

**ELIXIR OF LIFE - Prologue** _ **#07**_ : Those two kids tamed that wretched horse.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

Ami stares at a rather unruly horse. "That poor thing," she says, stepping towards it. "Its mane is on fire."

Kazuma grips her hand, then stiffens, unable to move.

"Is Kuwabara _-san_ getting a tickle?" wonders Sawamura.

"That would mean a ghost possessed that dumb horse," says Kirishima, sour. "Makes perfect sense to me."

"You're just mad because it bucked you off," says Sawamura.

"Kazuma _-san..._?" asks Ami, trying to pull her hand out of the petrified Kazuma's grip.

This loosens Kazuma out of his "tickle paralysis". "Ami _-san_ , that horse is dangerous," he hisses.

"I'd be dangerous too if my head of hair was on fire," says Ami. "It's in pain."

"Its mane is _supposed_ to be on fire," says Kazuma. "That thing's..." He trails off, pouting. "Never mind, Ami _-san_ : you wouldn't believe me if I told you," Kazuma mutters.

The horse grows calm, then approaches Kazuma and Ami, neighing softly. It lowers itself before the two children.

"You want us to ride?" asks Kazuma gently, stroking the horse.

Ami touches the horse's burning mane. "The fire...doesn't hurt," she notes, puzzled.

A horse handler runs toward Kazuma, Ami, and the horse. "That horse is...behaving?" he balks.

The horse snorts and glares at the handler.

Kazuma and Ami mount the horse; the horse stands and neighs, then trots away.

"I'll be damned. Those two kids tamed that wretched horse," says the handler.

Okubo, holding several _takoyaki_ skewers, approaches the horse. "Mizuno _-san_ ," he says, presenting a pair of skewers to Ami, "please try one with me."

Ami starts to reach for a skewer, but the horse suddenly gallops off Tamaishi Elementary school grounds; Ami clings to Kazuma while Kazuma clutches the horse's mane for dear life.

The horse handler sighs. "Guess I spoke too soon," he mutters, annoyed as the other adults panic.

* * *

"Ami _-san,_ " says Kazuma, wincing, "you can still hold on tight; just don't crush my rib cage," he adds, grinning.

Ami loosens her death grip on Kazuma's torso, circling her arms around the boy's waist instead, trembling.

"I don't think this guy wants to kill us," continues Kazuma.

"This horse has no saddle or reins," says Ami, worried. "It's running so fast that it seems like we're flying."

Kazuma smiles. _I don't know how to tell Ami-san that we are flying,_ he thinks. _Damn entei coming to our school_.

The _entei_ passes Tokyo Tower.

Ami gasps at the tower. "The tower's so beautiful at night, Kazuma _-san_ ," she says in hushed delight.

"I just can't believe our steed here has been riding for so long," says Kazuma, annoyed with the _entei_ , but in awe of Tokyo Tower.

"I'm rather hungry, though," says Ami. Her stomach rumbles in agreement.

"Yeah, that _takoyaki_ Okubo had did look tasty," adds Kazuma. " _Oi_ , _entei-san_ ," he says to the _entei_ , "could you set us down near a ramen cart, please?"

The _entei_ snickers, but complies, landing near a ramen cart outside of a shrine.

The two children dismount the _entei_.

"We'll have to get back to school from here," says Ami.

"School's closed by now," says Kazuma after ordering two ramen bowls. "Maybe we can use the phone at this temple."

"Hikawa Shrine," says Ami, looking up at the _torii_. Several crows look down at them and the ramen cart.

A few minutes later, Kazuma receives their ramen bowls and starts to pay the cart owner.

The _entei_ snorts at the cart owner, mane flaring.

"No," says Kazuma sternly. "We have to pay."

The _entei_ glowers at Kazuma and the cart owner, but calms itself.

Kazuma finishes paying the cart owner, then approaches Ami with the ramen, handing her a bowl.

"Thank you, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami.

"I got us both beef ramen, if that's all right," says Kazuma.

Ami nods, already eating. "This is actually quite tasty," she says between mouthfuls.

Kazuma grins, noting a bit of broth trickling down Ami's chin. "This stuff's not bad for the price, but anything's good when you're hungry," he says.

The two children finish their ramen, only to discover that the _entei_...went into Hikawa Shrine.

"The shrine's not open right now," says Ami, "but we don't want our horse to make a mess."

"And we have to get him back to school," says Kazuma. He takes Ami's hand; together, they enter Hikawa Shrine.

* * *

Ami locates the _entei_ , drinking water from a pool inside Hikawa Shrine. "There you are," she scolds. "You're being very naughty right now."

Kazuma, meanwhile, knocks on the temple door.

A short, bald temple caretaker answers the door. "The shrine is closed for the day, young man," he says.

"I know, sir," says Kazuma, bowing, "but we have this stupid _entei_ outside. I thought we could lure it back to our school if we had some apples."

The caretaker grins. " _Entei_ aren't so easily tricked," he says, "but I will get some apples." He leaves the door, then returns with a bag of apples and leaves the temple with Kazuma.

"We need to return you to our school," says Ami. The _entei_ shakes its head, belligerent.

The caretaker arrives with Kazuma.

Kazuma presents the _entei_ an apple from the bag. "I figured you were hungry and just being stubborn about it," he says as the _entei_ snatches away the apple. "Don't eat my hand," he adds.

The _entei_ , pleased with the apple, dives into the paper bag.

The caretaker sighs. "This beast can't return to your school, young man," he says to Kazuma. "You know it as well as I do. It's best that it stay here."

"You'll have to pay the school," says Kazuma.

"That isn't a problem," smiles the caretaker. "My son-in-law's father and I are quite wealthy, and I strongly suspect," he whispers, "that your school would want to rid themselves of what they see as a troublesome horse."

"In a way, they're right," pouts Kazuma, watching the _entei_ finish the last of the apples in the bag. "Greedy bastard."

"If you would lead that fellow to a stable," says the caretaker, "I'll call you both a taxi to take you home."

* * *

The taxi brings Kazuma and Ami to Tamaishi Elementary. The children disembark, thanking the driver.

Shizuru approaches Kazuma.

Kazuma pouts. "I didn't do anything wrong, for the record, _aneki_ ," he says.

"I didn't say you did, dumbass," says Shizuru. "You and Mizuno have had quite a bit of excitement today, I take it."

"You have a talent for understatement," says Kazuma.

"It's too bad that dumb horse made you two miss out on the rest of the spring festival, _ojou-sama_ ," says Kirishima.

"I...saved you some _takoyaki_ , Mizuno _-san_ ," says Okubo. "And I even have some _anmitsu_ ," he adds. "I know it's your favorite."

"Thank you," Ami smiles, "but I've already eaten, Okubo _-kun_."

Okubo's shoulders slump after Ami turns away and walks over to Kazuma.

"Give up, man," hisses Sawamura.

"Shut up before I pound your face in," spits Okubo, sullen. He throws the _takoyaki_ and _anmitsu_ in a trash can and leaves the school.

"What a waste..." whimpers Sawamura.

"We could have eaten that as a snack tomorrow," adds Kirishima. "Okubo's so dumb when it comes to _ojou-sama_." He and Sawamura leave the school after Okubo.

Ami tugs on Shizuru's sleeve. "Shizuru _-san_ ," she asks, "may I borrow your brother a moment?"

"I'd normally say that you can keep him, Mizuno," says Shizuru with a grin, "but you two aren't ready for that yet."

"Ready for what?" asks Kazuma, bewildered.

"Mizuno will tell you, Kazu," says Shizuru. "I expect to see you home soon," she continues, "so you and she had better behave yourselves." Shizuru leaves.

Kazuma and Ami are alone at the school.

Ami stares at Kazuma, blushing. "Kazuma _-san_..." she says after a moment, "I had a splendid evening."

"Thank you, Ami _-san_ ," says Kazuma, bashful. "That ramen...was pretty good."

"Yes," says Ami. "Food is wonderful when shared with good company," she adds.

"I agree," says Kazuma, smiling.

Ami takes Kazuma's hands in hers. "Kazuma _-san_ : you're my favorite person," she says, delighted.

Kazuma's eyes widen, his mouth slightly open.

Ami kisses Kazuma; startled, Kazuma simply responds in kind.

* * *

Ami steps out of her mansion, wearing a red spaghetti-strap tank top and denim shorts. She discovers Kazuma, in his Tamaishi Elementary school uniform, waiting at the bottom of the steps.

Kazuma grins stupidly.

"Are you going to kidnap me again, Kazuma _-san_?" asks Ami teasingly as she approaches him.

"No," Kazuma quips. "There aren't any trees near here."

Ami giggles; Kazuma stares at her.

"Is something the matter, Kazuma _-san..._?" asks Ami after a moment.

"You...look nice," says Kazuma, blushing. "I think that shirt's a bit indecent for you, though."

"What do you mean?" asks Ami.

"I..." Kazuma scowls, frustrated. "I don't want anyone else to see you in red," he continues, his cheeks scarlet.

Ami pouts, annoyed. "I'll cater to your pointless jealousy if you'll stop wearing your elementary school uniform," she says. "You're entirely too tall for it now," Ami continues, "and you're going to middle school tomorrow-as am I."

"I know all of that," says Kazuma, serious as he looks into Ami's eyes. "I came to say good-bye properly."

Ami studies Kazuma.

"I...I don't know exactly what to say," continues Kazuma. "We-my family moved, so I have to go to a shit school in another district: Sarayashiki Middle."

"Okubo _-kun_ , Sawamura _-kun_ , and Kirishima _-kun_ will be there," says Ami.

"Yeah," says Kazuma, "so it won't be all bad, but..." He winces, taking Ami's hands in his.

"We won't be able to meet during weekends," says Ami.

"Will you like it at Meioh Academy?" asks Kazuma.

"I don't know," says Ami. "I'll try to be friendlier, I suppose."

"Ami _-san_ , you're the friendliest person I know," grins Kazuma. "It was an honor to be...to make..." Kazuma's words trail off as he trembles.

"Kazuma _-san..._?" wonders Ami.

Kazuma clutches his chest. "If I could give you my heart, I would," he says, earnest. "But I need it beating in my chest. Please forgive the fact that this is all I have in its place." Kazuma rips off the second button of his school uniform and hands it to Ami.

Ami accepts the button. "Thank you, Kazuma _-san_ ," she says. "I'll treasure it-*"

Kazuma interrupts Ami with a gentle, passionate kiss. He breaks the kiss and leaves.

Bewildered, Ami sits down on the bottom step and toys with a strap on her tank top. "I suppose," she muses aloud to herself, still breathless, "that I should change..."

* * *

Saitou studies Kuwabara, a curious yet calm expression in his eyes. "So powerful," he whispers, stroking Kuwabara's cheekbones, "yet so vulnerable...and young."

Saitou strokes his chin briefly, then snaps his fingers.

Abruptly, a young man with short, wavy white-gold hair appears, stumbling as he regains his footing. "W-where the hell am I..!?" he sputters.

Saitou raises his index finger to his lips. "Can't you see that this kid's taking a much-needed nap?" he says.

The young man stares at Saitou a moment, then stands to full attention. "My liege..." he says.

"Indeed," says Saitou. "How kind of you to remember your place, Saijou _-kun_ ," he smirks.

"May I ask what this is about?" says Saijou.

"You tell me," says Saitou. "I'd hate to think you were trying to hold out on us."

Saijou sighs, squaring his shoulders. "It's true that there's incalculable potential locked within that guy," he says, nodding towards Kuwabara, "but there's no cause to act prematurely. He may be like that fellow Sensui: not in with us at all."

"So there's another fellow like this young one," muses Saitou.

"The one called Sensui is even stronger than this boy," says Saijou, "and has already refused us. He did say that he won't interfere with us," he continues, "and I have two of our agents observing him."

"Then that leaves the fact that you failed to inform us about this young one sooner," says Saitou icily.

"As I stated," says Saijou evenly, "whatever power he may have, it's locked away so tight that even he can't use it. It's mostly a liability to him at this point."

"That isn't for you to decide," says Saitou. "I'll be dealing with Kuwabara Kazuma personally from this point forward."

Saijou blinks.

"Whoever has the key to unlocking the gift within him," continues Saitou, "will shift the balance of power in the war to our favor. I won't let you and your tunnel vision fuck this up for me."

"Y...yes, my lord," says Saijou, bowing.

"You may go," says Saitou. "But don't bother trying to kiss Aino _-san_ for me," he continues with a crude grin.

Saijou stiffens.

"I've already tasted her for myself," says Saitou, "and she's very sweet. So," he adds, "if you're going to make your move, don't hold back on my account...Danburite _-kun_."

Saijou salutes Saitou, then turns his back and teleports out of the room.

Saitou chuckles as he summons a light mist over Kuwabara's face.

Unconscious, Kuwabara trembles, shivering as his body generates golden electricity.

"Now," muses Saitou aloud, "to get a good look at what I have to work with..."


	8. Elixir 1

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **1**_ : We were a pack of evil bastards already.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

A delinquent falls to the ground, bloodied with fresh bruises forming.

Kuwabara brushes himself off. "With that, I've paid my debt to the last of you sorry bastards," he says.

"You just couldn't wait, huh, boss?" grins Sawamura.

"Come on," counters Kirishima, "he held out until after school."

"Yeah; you both owe me," says Okubo, rubbing his fingers together. "It's not good to bet against a man who always wins _janken_."

Pouting, Sawamura and Kirishima hand Okubo some _yen_ notes.

Kuwabara shakes his head a moment at his gang, then returns his focus to the rival delinquent; Kuwabara hands the delinquent a piece of paper.

The delinquent reads the paper through his good eye. "What the fuck is this?" he spits, spraying blood onto the paper.

"An invitation," says Kuwabara quietly, "one you will accept. I expect to see your ass tomorrow," he continues, "so decide if you will come willingly, or if I have to drag you there."

The delinquent stands to his feet. "Okubo!" he says. "Is the food any good?"

Okubo stares at the delinquent.

"At this restaurant your boss wants me to come to," says the delinquent, reading the address aloud.

Okubo's eyes widen, then he nods.

The delinquent scowls at Kuwabara, then leaves with his own pack; all of the boys nursing their Kuwabara-inflicted wounds.

"That's it, except for two fuckers who got sent up to reform school," says Kuwabara.

"Because they beat up a teacher," quips Sawamura.

Kuwabara scowls.

" _Oi_ ," says Kirishima, poking Kuwabara's arm, "we're just relieved that you didn't end up with those guys, Kuwabara _-san_."

"Akashi _-sensei_ would've deserved it, though," says Okubo.

"Fuck that rat-toothed bastard," says Kuwabara. "I let a bunch of idiots beat the shit out of me and I studied my ass off-I wasn't about to throw that away."

Okubo, Sawamura, and Kirishima stare at Kuwabara.

"I'm actually still kind of burned that he only expected us to score a fifty," Kuwabara continues. "I might have scored higher if I didn't have to deal with assholes trying to jump me-and that would have gotten _aneki_ off my ass for a while."

 _It's scary how that guy can predict our questions,_ think Sawamura and Kirishima.

"Did you invite all of the guys you beat up to my job?" asks Okubo.

Kuwabara nods.

"Is...there any way you can reschedule?" Okubo asks bashfully.

"Why...?" asks Kuwabara.

"My boss' son," says Okubo. "If he sees half of Tokyo's 'delinquent' population at the restaurant..."

"I won't let them cause any problems," says Kuwabara. "If anything," he continues, "this is for everyone's own good."

"Fuan _-san_ knows us," says Okubo, "but he might be uneasy about all of those other guys."

"If they don't behave themselves," says Kuwabara, "then feel free to beat the fuck out of me for the rest of your life."

Okubo sighs. "You never play fair, Kuwabara _-san_ ," he says. "You're too durable for that to be a real punishment."

"Then think up whatever punishment you like, Okubo," says Kuwabara, smiling. "If I screw up your life, I deserve it."

* * *

Shuu and Touma enter Shuu's father's restaurant, noting that the place is filled mostly with middle school students.

"Some of these guys look pretty scruffy," says Touma.

"As long as they're paying customers," says Shuu, "I don't care. Dad knows what he's doing." He heads toward the kitchen.

Touma walks to an empty corner booth; he sits down.

Okubo approaches Touma. "Hashiba _-san_?" he asks, shocked.

"Tea and chicken dumplings, please," says Touma.

Okubo scribbles down the order. "I'll get right on it, sir," he says.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, most of the delinquents finish their dinners.

" _Oi_ , Kuwabara!" says one, finishing his soup. "What's this all about?"

Kuwabara stands, turns his chair around, and uses it as a footrest. "Do you assholes have your books? Pens, pencils, and paper handy?" he asks.

The other delinquents rummage through their book bags, pulling out books, notepads, and writing instruments.

"Good," says Kuwabara, pulling out a book. "We've got a lot of studying to do."

"What?" balk the other boys.

"Look; none of us are like Saotome," says Kuwabara, nodding to a black-haired Sarayashiki student eating ramen. "That guy's smart enough to skip school for most of the month."

"No," counters the student, Ken, glaring at Kuwabara, "I just study and work my ass off the rest of the month."

Kuwabara grins at Ken a moment, then resumes his speech. "I'm just thinking that the rest of us can't afford to have our teachers able to hold us by the short hairs," he says. "In order to free ourselves to deal with business," Kuwabara continues, "we're going to study."

The other delinquents stare at Kuwabara.

"There's always at least one or two sorry fucks at our schools who want to shove their cocks in our faces," says Kuwabara. "These bastards have all the power," he continues, "and as long as we're wearing these uniforms, we can't handle them-not with our fists."

"Yeah, so?" says the delinquent Kuwabara beat yesterday.

"Guys like that believe they're above us because we'd rather use our fists," says Kuwabara. "You've got to fight different enemies with different weapons."

"So we have to beat our asshole teachers," says a Sarayashiki delinquent in a dark red cap, "with our brains?"

"That's it, Minakami," says Kuwabara. "So, everyone: what subject do we start with?"

A quiet student in another red hat pokes Okubo's arm. "Try history," says the student. "It's Kuwabara's strongest subject."

Okubo smiles briefly at the student, then opens his own history book. "Heian period to start," he says to Kuwabara.

"Tch. That period's so girly," says Kuwabara, annoyed. "Let's start with the sad period of Japanese history where men wore more makeup than women," he continues.

* * *

Outside the restaurant, Sasaki grabs his stomach, hearing it growl. "Why not stop into this restaurant?" he says.

"Because we'd play right into Kuroda's stupid plan to aggravate Shuu," spits Yamanouchi.

"I must be getting weak-minded in my old age," quips Kuroda as he opens the door to the restaurant, "if my plans are so transparent that even Yamanouchi _-dono_ can see them."

"You weren't making any attempt to conceal them," scoffs Sasaki, "but I'm hungry."

"Do we have any money?" asks Yamanouchi.

"Date _-san_ has generously agreed to pay for our meal," grins Kuroda, slyly showing Yamanouchi and Sasaki a wallet.

"We shouldn't be reduced to thievery," scowls Yamanouchi. His stomach starts to growl.

"None of our stomachs are particularly honorable," says Sasaki, "so let's enter the restaurant."

The three men enter the restaurant.

* * *

Kuwabara is animated as he fires questions about the Sengoku period to the other students. "Good, Nemoto. Now," continues Kuwabara, "when did Oda _-sama_ quit playing _Owari no Outsuke_ and start showing his power?"

"The Battle of Okehazama," says Tooyama, a delinquent from Kasenagafuchi Middle. "I had an ancestor who died in that fight."

"What are the details?" Kuwabara asks.

Ken raises his hand, grinning.

"Anyone other than Saotome!" spits Kuwabara, shooting Ken an annoyed glare.

"Saotome did write a report about Okehazama," says Abarai, another Sarayashiki delinquent. "It was like he was there."

Yamanouchi smirks. "That's because that bastard _was_ actually there," he whispers to an amused Sasaki.

"This is the most absurd war council I've ever been in," says Sasaki between bites of beef stew.

"Kuroda's enjoying himself way too much," says Yamanouchi. "Why is he aggravating that one student?"

"Who knows?" says Sasaki, motioning to a waiter. "I need some _sake_ to polish off my meal," he says to the waiter.

The waiter, actually Shuu, glares at Sasaki. "This is a Chinese restaurant," he says. "We don't have _sake_."

"Then whatever the Chinese rice wine equivalent is," says Yamanouchi. "We want to get drunk."

"Go home and drink yourselves silly on your own stash," hisses Shuu.

"I've built up too much of a tolerance," says Yamanouchi.

"I can't tolerate what Yamanouchi drinks," says Sasaki. "Is this how you treat all of your paying customers?"

"No; just _you three_ ," says Shuu, scowling at Kuroda. "And to think I was worried about all of these middle school tough guys harassing my dad."

* * *

" _Kunoichi_ ," says Kuroda quietly to the student, his whisper almost inaudible. "If this were a real war council, you would already be dead. You know that, right?"

The student doggedly ignores Kuroda, flipping through the pages of a history book with an occasional look at Kuwabara.

"Our young _taishou_ has already noticed you," Kuroda continues. "How could he not, when your beautiful and full young lips glisten in the light?"

As if to punctuate Kuroda's point, Kuwabara approaches the table and glares at the student. "Who are you?" Kuwabara asks. "Why are you looking at me so hard?"

The student hunkers down with eyes fixed on the book.

"Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo, "this guy's from Juuban Middle."

"Juuban?" scoffs Ken. "The guys at that school ain't exactly known for fighting."

"I don't think this character's a threat," says Kuwabara, irritated with flushed skin. "Just get him to quit looking at me." _That guy's so pretty-looking that he's causing me to question myself,_ Kuwabara adds silently.

Kuroda smirks at the student, then rises from his seat and rejoins Yamanouchi and Sasaki.

* * *

Shuu and Touma walk to Seiji's home with Yamanouchi, Sasaki, and Kuroda.

"Why were you harassing that kid reading his books?" asks Shuu.

" _Her_ books," says Kuroda. "That was a young woman."

"Considering that you look like a woman pirate," scoffs Touma as the group arrives at the Date house, "you ought not to jump to conclusions."

"That fat fellow working for Fuan _-kun's_ father likely knows who she is," counters Kuroda.

"That matters little," says Seiji, grinning ruefully at Kuroda. "Did you and your cohorts enjoy your meal?"

"What happens if we say 'yes'?" asks Sasaki, uneasy about Seiji's glare.

"Guess," says Seiji.

"And if we say 'no'?" demands Yamanouchi.

"Then I'm going to send all three of you to hell," says Seiji, "since I know calling the police over a stolen wallet would be pointless."

"We can take you!" spits Sasaki.

"I'll take that as a 'yes', then," says Seiji, "which means that I'm going to work you sorry bastards to the bone to repay me. That is, if you three have any honor left."

Yamanouchi pulls out his _washizaki_ , but Sasaki and Kuroda hold Yamanouchi back.

Seiji sighs dramatically. "Of course, it'd be easier on all of us if you'd all just get _jobs_ already," he says.

"We'd have to lie on our job applications," says Sasaki.

"No one would believe the truth," snorts Touma.

"We have no surviving birth certificates," says Kuroda.

"Those can be faked," says Shuu, grinning.

"Samurai clans do not work," scowls Yamanouchi.

"They have since the Meiji era," counters Seiji. "Now you guys can either get jobs to pay me back, or _serve me_ to pay me back. I will make your lives a living hell."

"All of this over such a small sum," says Kuroda, a pleading look in his good eye.

"Start finding jobs, or I'll contact Kayura _-dono_ ," says Seiji, entering his home.

"He's such an evil bastard," mutters Yamanouchi.

"You wanted to kill him," says Kuroda.

" _You_ stole his purse, fool," says Sasaki. "Let's be grateful that this _isn't_ the Sengoku era."

"But we've never worked!" spits Yamanouchi. "What relevant skills do we have?"

Shuu and Touma grin at the arguing trio of samurai as they sit on the steps.

"Honest farm work is not beneath my station," says Sasaki. "The only reason I haven't applied to be a farm hand is that I don't wish to lie about something as inconsequential as my _age_."

"I don't think a farmer would care," says Touma.

"I suppose I could work at a library," says Kuroda, "and unlike Sasaki _-kun_ , I have no scruples about lying."

"I know some libraries that need a hand, though they might have issues with your lack of depth perception," says Shuu.

Kuroda scowls at Shuu. "Mention a glass eye again, and I will strangle you," he says.

"With webbing, Parker _-san_?" quips Shuu.

"With my bare hands, Fuan _-kun_ ," says Kuroda. "I have killed men for less."

"Though most of that was before you lost your eye," says Sasaki.

"Yamanouchi?" asks Touma.

"What did samurai clans do after the Meiji era robbed them of their dignity?" asks Yamanouchi.

"Actually," says Kuroda, "they became merchants. Very successful merchants."

"Egh," sneers Yamanouchi, lips curled in distaste. " _Merchants_."

"Do you _want_ to be indentured to the Date clan?" asks Sasaki.

"...I'm thinking it over," scowls Yamanouchi.

* * *

"Damn," says Yusuke. "That guy's like my ma: he wants to drink and sit on his ass all day."

"Yamanouchi _-dono_ can't stand a lot of changes," says Toshitada. "This era is actually rather frightening for him."

"So how long will you be a _shinigami_?" Yusuke asks.

"Until I've paid penance. Why did you follow me?" asks Toshitada.

"You're less annoying than Botan," says Yusuke.

"But I know nothing about your case," says Toshitada, "so I can't properly report to Koenma _-sama_."

"Then don't report anything," snorts Yusuke.

"You would have me _deceive_ my master?" asks Toshitada, eyes wide with shock.

Yusuke laughs at Toshitada's expression. "You really _were_ a samurai!" he snickers.

"You are a very irritating soul, Urameshi _-kun_ ," says Toshitada.

"You seriously consider Diaper _-sama_ your master?" scoffs Yusuke.

"Yes," says Toshitada, struggling to remain calm. "I must work now."

Below Yusuke and Toshitada sits Yamanouchi, still fuming about having to seek work. He looks up at the two.

"Shit," spits Toshitada, grabbing Yusuke by the collar. "I shall have to take you with me." Toshitada flies off with Yusuke.

"...I could have sworn that I heard Kouma nearby," mutters Yamanouchi.

Botan arrives above Yamanouchi, just missing Toshitada and Yusuke. "I don't know which of those two is more high-maintenance," she fumes.

"What two?" Yamanouchi asks Botan.

 _He can't possibly see me,_ balks Botan silently.

"I can't see you, _shinigami_ ," says Yamanouchi, "but I can hear you. I see spiritual things better when I'm drunk."

Botan pulls out a file on Yamanouchi. _His reikan's about as strong as that Kuwabara fellow's,_ she notes.

"You sound like a beautiful woman," grins Yamanouchi. "Are you seeing anyone?"

Botan stares at Yamanouchi a moment, then flees.

"What the hell; I'm bored," says Yamanouchi as he chases after Botan, scaling the Date house and hopping from rooftop to rooftop.

* * *

Outside the _**Crown Arcade**_ with Ken, Okubo sighs. "I guess I'll have to head home, Saotome," he says.

"I'll look around some more," says Ken, agitated and looking at his watch. "You get going." He ducks into an alley.

"You okay, Saotome?" asks Okubo.

"Yeah; can't a guy take a damn piss?" spits Ken. "Go home!"

Okubo rolls his eyes and leaves.

Ken's hair turns white, his eyes turn gold, and a pair of dog ears appears on his head. "You can come out now, you know," he says aloud. "Of course, you know my secret," Ken adds with a crude grin, "so you'll have to justify why I should let you live."

The quiet Juuban Middle student enters the dim light.

Ken snickers. "Kuroda had you pegged," he says. "No wonder Kuwabara was blushing like a maniac-you look like his type."

The student's eyes widen.

Ken snatches off the hat and sniffs it. "Until we meet again, Fa Mulan," he scoffs as he leaps to the roof, tossing the hat back down to the student.

The student, Mizuno Ami, sighs in relief as she catches the hat, then in delight. _Kazuma-san...looked so gallant,_ she says to herself as she walks home.

* * *

"I must ask that you cease pursuing me," says Toshitada, annoyed.

Yusuke grins. "I'm going to ask Koenma to make you my warden," he says.

Toshitada leans into Yusuke's face. "You don't want me to be your soul's keeper, Urameshi Yusuke," he says in a threatening tone. "I have killed stronger men for lighter offenses."

"I could take you," Yusuke scoffs. "You only look seventeen."

"I was seventeen...during the Sengoku period," states Toshitada.

"Which makes you younger than the three of us," grins Yamanouchi, holding Botan over his shoulder. He takes a swig from a bottle of sake.

Botan whimpers. "This man is drunk," she says. "Help."

"It has been a while, Kouma," continues Yamanouchi.

"Likewise, Yamanouchi _-dono_ ," says Toshitada. "Please set Botan _-dono_ down so that she may resume her work with this one," he adds, nodding his head towards Yusuke.

Yamanouchi complies, smacking Botan's rear when she hits the ground. "Call me," he says.

Botan scowls, rubbing her rear. "I'll...consider it," she says as she grabs Yusuke by the ear. "You," Botan says to Yusuke, tugging his ear, "are coming with me."

"Neither of you are any fun!" spits Yusuke as Botan flies away with him.

Toshitada allows himself a small smile. "It's good to see you doing well," he says to Yamanouchi, "but now I must depart."

"Still so serious, even after death, Kouma?" asks Yamanouchi. "Sit down with me!"

"I have a great deal of work to do," says Toshitada.

"Just tell me what unfinished matters keep you here," says Yamanouchi, his eyes strangely sober.

"I have centuries of sins to work off," states Toshitada flatly, "and I was fortunate to receive this task."

"Are all of the _shinigami_ as pretty as that girl?" Yamanouchi grins.

Toshitada sighs. "I take my leave of you, Yamanouchi _-dono_ ," he says, flying off.

Yamanouchi snorts. "I always thought of him as a conceited ass," he mutters. He takes another swig of sake.

* * *

Several weeks pass.

Yamanouchi, Sasaki, and Kuroda approach Seiji.

Seiji stares at the three samurai.

Sasaki kneels and presents a small stack of _yen_ notes, placing them on the table; Kuroda follows suit.

Yamanouchi throws his wallet on the table. "Here's your damn money," he spits. "Can we quit debasing ourselves with work now?"

"I don't mind working," says Sasaki.

"Nor do I, Yamanouchi _-kun_ ," adds Kuroda. "You may quit your employment if you wish."

"Of course, that would mean that I'd have you working for me to cover your rent, Yamanouchi _-kun_ ," says Seiji with a devious grin.

"You adore working at that store," says Kuroda.

Yamanouchi pouts. "Fine," he says, irritated. "I'll continue to work."

Touma gives the three samurai a good-natured grin. "How did you and Shuten-that is, Kouma _-san_ -ever become enthralled by Arago?"

Yamanouchi grins back. "We were a pack of evil bastards already," he says.

"No more sociopathic than any youth during the Sengoku period," says Sasaki. "Or any human being, really."

"Our era never involved invasions of Korea or China, in our defense," adds Kuroda.

"Toyotomi _-sama_ tried to take over Korea," scoffs Seiji.

"We missed that period of history," grins Sasaki.

"It seems that you want our life stories," says Kuroda cannily, "if you want to know why we each chose to follow Arago."

"Let me get the _sake_ ," says Yamanouchi. "My story will make more sense if I'm drunk."

"I suppose that I shall go first, then," says Kuroda as Yamanouchi leaves to retrieve a bottle of _sake_. "My story, pitiful as it is, is mercifully brief.

* * *

"My father was a nobleman, but not a noble man. He was madly in love with my mother," Kuroda continues. "While she shared his feelings, though unevenly, my mother's father would not allow mother to marry Kuroda _-sama_ ; mother accepted my late grandfather's wishes."

"You're here," says Touma, "so I think your father got his way."

A bitter smile curls Kuroda's lips. "Father simply murdered grandfather, then forced mother to marry him. I am the regrettable result of my father's inabilty to accept refusal."

Sasaki sighs. "I recall that your house was troubled, Kuroda _-dono_ ," he says, pity in his eyes.

"It was twisted," says Kuroda. "Everyone there became consumed with madness."

"Did you kill your father?" asks Shin.

Kuroda shakes his head. "No, I did not. I killed mother after she finally succeeded in killing father."

"Why!?" balks Seiji.

"I think that's obvious," says Sasaki. "Lady Kuroda had murdered Kuroda _-sama_ ," he continues, "and you were duty-bound to avenge him."

Kuroda chuckles. "That's far too simplistic, Sasaki _-kun_ ," he says. "That was what I had wanted society to believe back then."

The other men stare at Kuroda.

"The reality is this: mother was carrying my child. In order to protect her good name," continues Kuroda, "I had to kill her. Better she be reviled as a murderer than an unfaithful harlot, after all."

"She did murder your father," says Sasaki.

"But she loved him, in spite of his cruelty," says Kuroda. "And I was his son, though I favor my mother in appearance. I was all that she had left of the man she loved, so I yielded to her needs."

"Is that why you think Shuu's in love with his sister?" Shin asks. "Because of your experience?"

"I wouldn't wish my experience on Fuan _-kun_ or Xiao _-dono_ ," says Kuroda. "They will have a far more pleasant joining in Tahiti."

"Just let it go, Kuroda," says Touma.

* * *

Yamanouchi reenters with two large bottles of sake, already drunk. "What'd I miss!?" he asks, grinning stupidly.

"I was about to reach the part where I was hiding mother's body," says Kuroda.

"Oh. I didn't miss anything important, then," says Yamanouchi.

Kuroda sighs. "During my quest to bury mother, I discovered this," he says, presenting a small silver pearl-like object, "which allowed me to become who I was until recently: Rajura, Masho no Gen."

Seiji whistles. "That's dark..." he says.

"It gets worse," chuckles Yamanouchi. "Let me tell my story now."

"By all means, Yamanouchi _-dono_ ," says Sasaki, anguish in his eyes. "I'm not ready to tell mine."

"I'm a pretty straightforward fellow, just as I was back then," says Yamanouchi. "If a _daimyo_ ordered me to raid a village and slaughter children, I'd do it without question."

"But not without remorse," says Ryo with a look of understanding in his eyes.

"I coped by losing myself in the two great pleasures: wine and women," Yamanouchi says, blithely dismissing Ryo's remark. "Questioning an order-privately, in my heart-is what drove me to become Naaza, Masho no Doku."

Ryo touches his chin, studying Yamanouchi.

"I want to blame this on Kouma, but the bastard's dead-and we don't speak ill of the dead," continues Yamanouchi.

"We _are_ talking about the same guy who threw a woman and child into Mount Fuji, right?" asks Ryo.

"The conceited shit always questioned orders," spits Yamanouchi, "though to be fair to Kouma, the particular order which led me on my path to darkness was questionable."

"More questionable than killing children?" asks Seiji.

"Some Catholic cardinals-we had foreign visitors from Europe back then-wanted Kouma and myself to kill one of their priests," says Yamanouchi. "Kouma, being himself, asked why."

"Good for Toshitada," says Touma.

"The thing is...even my father and I questioned the need to kill this priest: he was bringing in followers to his faith," says Yamanouchi. "I had thought the cardinals would be pleased," he continues, "but they didn't like the fact that he said that priests should be allowed to marry-which only makes sense: man was never meant to be alone. It even says so in the _**Bible**_."

"I think that was in the context of-*" Seiji starts, but he is interrupted.

"Don't give me that crap," spits Yamanouchi. "If our priests and monks could marry, why couldn't theirs? It's bad enough that Christians disturb their god every week in his holy temple, but they muck up something as simple as marriage."

"Inheritance laws," says Seiji. "I thought Nasuti _-san_ already explained that to you."

"I still don't get it, but...anyway, back to the tale: I didn't like the order to kill this priest, as he was very kind to me, and I was even considering conversion to his faith myself," says Yamanouchi. "However, orders were orders."

"You killed the priest, became disgusted with yourself, and found Yoroi no Doku," says Sasaki.

"Not quite," says Yamanouchi quietly. "While I was leading the man to his death, I prayed for a ram in the bush." Yamanouchi grins manically, his eyes wide, as he continues. "And my prayers were answered! Some poor fool named Kohitsuji fancied himself a robber, so I killed that bastard instead. I had planned to present the thief's heart to the cardinals so that they would leave the priest in peace-thinking the priest dead."

"Like the Huntsman in _**Snow White**_ ," says Shin. "What went wrong?"

"The priest actually valued that robber's life, and tried to stop me. I did kill the priest...by accident," says Yamanouchi. "After burying the priest," he continues, "I carried the robber's heart to the cardinals as planned."

"I'm...sure that the priest forgave you," says Shin. "I forgive you on his behalf."

* * *

Nasuti hands Toshitada a cup of tea.

"I...have no need for tea anymore," smiles Toshitada.

"What brings you here?" asks Nasuti. "Do you have unfinished business, or am I going to die this week?"

"I was merely passing through," says Toshitada. "Yamanouchi _-dono_ had asked the same question."

"That's because your soul hasn't fully passed on from this world," says Nasuti. "Yamanouchi _-kun_ can sense spiritual matters."

"I never noticed his gifts during the Sengoku period," says Toshitada.

"That man is consumed with guilt, especially for killing the heretical Catholic priest," says Nasuti. "It was an accident, but he still won't forgive himself."

Toshitada snickers. "It's rather pitiful," he says. "Especially when Yamanouchi _-dono_ didn't even kill the man."

Nasuti's eyes widen.

"Your ancestor, Yagyu Jubei _-sama_ , had found the priest-poorly buried, but alive," says Toshitada. "The priest was his son-in-law."

"You mean that I'm related to this priest?" wonders Nasuti, pulling out a geneological archive.

"I think so. The priest returned to his native land and renounced the priesthood, living out his life quietly in...Nice, France," says Toshitada.

Nasuti pouts at Toshitada. "That priest is my maternal ancestor!" she says to Toshitada. "The next time I see Yamanouchi Naotoki," Nasuti continues, "I'm going to smack him with this and get him to forgive himself. I'm in his debt, after all."

* * *

"Sasaki _-kun_ ," says Seiji. "Are you still unwilling to tell your story?"

"No," says Sasaki, resigned. "It's just that it's a disgusting story, one with no true end."

Seiji and the others watch Sasaki shut his eyes as the wild-haired samurai steels himself to speak.

"It started during my childhood, with my elder half-brother, Sasaki Kojirou _-sama_ ," says Sasaki.

"Wait," says Shin. "I knew you were related to Kojirou _-sama_ , but his _brother_?"

"I was the son of my father's concubine," says Sasaki simply. "In any event, I gave myself this scar because of him," he adds, pointing to the scar on his right eye.

"That's oddly monstrous of your brother," says Seiji.

"I _chose_ to, Date _-san_!" counters Sasaki hotly. "It was an act of fraternal devotion, to match a scar Kojirou- _oniisama_ received in battle with an _inuyokai_. Furthermore, I was eleven years old at the time."

"Ah," say the other men in unison.

"Kojirou _-oniisama_ swore fealty to this _inuyokai_ , Sesshoumaru, that very day," says Sasaki, "in order to learn sword skills to defeat his rival, Miyamoto Musashi _-sama_."

"Considering that Musashi killed Kojirou," scoffs Touma, "this Sesshoumaru must have been a terrible swordsman."

"I will ignore that insult to keep myself from killing you where you sit, Hashiba _-dono_ ," says Sasaki.

Touma chuckles. "I'm sorry," he says.

Sasaki sighs. "This was the day when I met the girl who would grow...to become a woman I dearly loved," he continues.

"Hm...a woman," says Yamanouchi.

"She was an orphaned peasant girl named Rin, whom Sesshoumaru _-sama_ had adopted," says Sasaki. "We became friends. As we both grew up," he continues, "I began to fall in love with her, and wanted to make her my wife."

"Except for two things," says Kuroda. "One, Sesshoumaru _-sama_ -acting as the only father she knew-refused you, and two," Kuroda continues, "you stupidly heeded him in spite of my warning."

"Sesshoumaru _-sama_ 's reasoning was sound: as a samurai, I led a blood-stained existence," says Sasaki, "and he didn't want Rin involved in that life."

Kuroda laughs harshly. "How safe was Rin with her actual bridegroom, the _yokai_ hunter?" he sneers. "I believe he was the first one to die when those brigands abducted her."

Sasaki punches Kuroda. "There is no cause for your insolence!" he snarls.

Kuroda smirks, wiping a trickle of blood from his chin. "The truth is a difficult matter to accept," he says. "Do you think those bandits would have survived if you had been the husband-to-be?"

"I would have hacked them apart," Sasaki growls, "which I ended up doing anyway."

"Why am I _not_ surprised that Sasaki murdered people?" says Touma.

"It was a brutal time period," says Ryo. "Let's just be grateful that our ancestors didn't get our _yoroi_."

Sasaki tenses his fists. "I don't regret hunting down and gutting those pigs," he says, trembling with rage, "only that I sold my soul: became Anubis: Masho no Yami-to do it. I would have gladly slaughtered a thousand more men for Rin...my beloved Rin..." Sasaki begins to weep.

"The leader of those bandits had raped Rin and left her to die," says Kuroda.

"Can we resurrect that guy and kill him again?" asks Seiji. "He's the reason why Sasaki _-kun_ was such a brutal opponent."

Sasaki smirks. "Sesshoumaru _-sama_ had already done that," he says, "just to give a guest of mine the opportunity." 

"In conclusion," says Yamanouchi, "Arago had simply lucked out and found four depraved young men to do his bidding."

"But we haven't heard Toshitada's story," says Ryo.

"That's because Kouma _-kun_ is rather unimportant," says Sasaki dismissively.

"And dead," adds Kuroda.

"Let the bastard tell his own story," says Yamanouchi. He drains the last of his _sake_.

* * *

Toshitada knocks Yusuke out of a teenager's bedroom. "Get out! This youth is not scheduled to die today. You shall leave me in peace!"

Yusuke snickers. "Is this Yamano Jun guy important to you?" he asks.

"...go, or your soul will perish," seethes Toshitada.

Botan whacks Yusuke with her oar. "Leave Toshitada alone, Yusuke!"

Yusuke rubs his head. "You'd think with me being dead, this wouldn't hurt so much," he says as he floats off with Botan on his heels.

Toshitada sits on Jun's bed. "Damn it," he spits. "Botan needs a leash for that one."

Jun, in his pajamas, enters the room and begins his nightly routine.

Relieved that Jun failed to notice him, Toshitada begins to leave.

"I think you ought to be nicer to Urameshi _-kun_ , Shuten _-sempai_ ," says Jun. "He's not as bad as everyone thinks he is."

Toshitada is silent.

"And you're not the monster you think you are, Kouma Toshitada," continues Jun, looking directly at Toshitada.

"Rest well, Yamano _-kun_ ," says Toshitada, leaving Jun's room.

Jun shakes his head, turns out the light in his room, and climbs into his bed.

Several minutes later, he sits up, kicking away his covers as he stares at a ghost, a cute girl in a brown kimono. "Who are you!?" he demands.

The girl grins. "I'm Rin. I need some help from you," she says.

"Okay...Rin. Explain what's going on," says Jun.

Rin frowns a moment. "It's a sad story," she says.

"Go ahead," says Jun.

Rin gives her narrative.

* * *

At the end, Jun stares out into space, shocked. "That was one hell of a time period," he gasps. "No wonder they all turned out the way they did."

"My point is: Toshi didn't mean harm to me," says Rin. "I know that, and I'm sure Sesshoumaru _-sama_ does too."

"But Toshitada _-sempai_ had a duty to Kujuurou _-san_ ," says Jun, "and as a samurai, he failed in that duty. That's one of the reasons Shu-Toshitada _-sempai_ feels so guilty."

"Kujuurou was being rude to Toshi!" says Rin. "Toshi has a bad temper, kind of like Sesshoumaru _-sama_ 's brother Inuyasha."

"But that ended horribly for you," says Jun.

"I know, but it wasn't Toshi's fault!" says Rin. "He didn't know those men were going to hurt me; Toshi thought he was just repaying a blood debt."

"A blood debt to _bandits_?" wonders Jun.

"Just ask him," says Rin. "Once he finally tells, Toshi can rest and Kujuurou can be happy again."

"You're dead because of his negligence," says Jun.

"No," says Rin. "I'm dead because I grew old and died. My only real regret was not being eaten by Sesshoumaru _-sama_ when I died. I promised him that I would."

"I take it that Sesshoumaru _-sama_ isn't human," says Jun.

Rin nods. "Sesshoumaru _-sama_ is _taiyokai_ of the Western Lands, one of the most powerful _yokai_ alive," she says. "But I couldn't let him find me after...what had happened to me, because if he had found me, he would've started hating humans again."

"Why would he ever hate humans?" says Jun.

"Humans are always cruel monsters to each other, often without reason. It doesn't make sense to most _yokai_ ," Rin continues, a sad expression on her face. "That's why he could barely stand Inuyasha, who was half-human."

"It wasn't this Inuyasha's fault for being half-human," counters Jun.

Rin nods. "No, but Inuyasha's mother was abandoned by her own family for loving Sesshoumaru _-sama_ 's father. They eventually murdered her because of Inuyasha, and had weakened Sesshoumaru _-sama_ 's father when he tried to protect them."

"But aren't you proof that humans aren't all disgusting monsters?" asks Jun.

"Didn't Toshi throw you into a volcano?" notes Rin.

"Yeah, but he was under the influence of an evil _yokai_ warlord for four hundred years," says Jun. "That would make anyone evil."

* * *

From his small cubicle in Reikai, Toshitada observes Jun and Rin's conversation. _If only it were that simple, Yamano-kun,_ he says sadly to himself.

"You and the other three Masho were under Arago's thrall for four centuries," says Koenma, "so your actions while under his power only count as one strike against you."

"I chose Arago as my master," says Toshitada. "I must bear responsibility for that."

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're too serious?" asks Koenma.

"If I hadn't forsaken my duty," says Toshitada, "Rin would not have suffered."

"You're scared that Kujuurou will hate you," says Koenma flatly.

"I hate me on Sasaki _-dono_ 's behalf," spits Toshitada. "I would welcome his hatred." Toshitada picks up a clipboard. "There is much work to be done," he says, leaving.

Koenma shakes his head. "You're more right than you know, Kouma Toshitada," he says.

* * *

Under a tree at school, Kuwabara stares at his math homework. He sighs and sits down, preparing to study.

Ken hits the back of Kuwabara's head. "I'm not surprised that you're confused about math," he sneers. "You're not the kind of person who can put two-and-two together."

Kuwabara glares at Ken. "This isn't your time of the month, dog boy," he counters.

"I'm just pointing out that you really are pretty dense," says Ken. "Didn't you notice something off about that kid?"

"Okubo vouched for him," Kuwabara shrugs. "That guy from Juuban was sharp...and unusually pretty," he adds, blushing, "but I don't think he's a threat."

"Still," says Ken, "all kinds of characters have tried to muscle in on Sarayashiki since Urameshi died. I think you ought to check out Juuban and look for that guy-just in case."

"I don't want me and my guys to make a big show in front of Juuban Middle if there's no need," says Kuwabara.

"Slip into Juuban Middle and see if anybody there looks like the guy," says Ken.

"Fine," Kuwabara snorts. "Now go chase a fucking car."

"You really are a cat person, ain't you?" scoffs Ken. He leaves Kuwabara, exiting the school.

Kuwabara shakes his head. "Stupid mutt," he mutters.


	9. Elixir 2

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **2**_ : I gave her what she wanted.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

After school in Sarayashiki Middle, an elegant young woman with light hair in pigtails approaches Kuwabara, standing with Okubo, Kirishima, and Sawamura.

Okubo gives the young woman a murderous glare.

"Unless you want one of us to break your nose," spits Sawamura, "you'll clear off."

"Fuck that," says Kirishima. "Let's just beat her up now."

"There is no cause for your incivility!" says Kuwabara sternly at his gang.

The trio stare at their leader, a mix of shock and outrage on their faces.

Kuwabara places a hand on Okubo's shoulder, then turns to face the young woman, eyeing her coolly.

The young woman studies Kuwabara, touching her chin. "Overall," she says, "I've been welcomed rather pleasantly by everyone here...although there must always be an exception," she continues, glaring at Kuwabara's gang.

"I take it, then," says Kuwabara, "that you enjoyed your first day here at Sarayashiki Middle, Aoyama _-san_."

"It was splendid," says the girl, Aoyama Junko.

"That's good," says Kuwabara. "I hope you have a good evening as well. My friends and I have business to attend to." After giving a look to his gang, Kuwabara leaves.

Seething, the trio follows Kuwabara, surly expressions on each delinquent's face.

Yusuke, witnessing this event, stares in confusion a moment; he then shrugs. "Figures the ass would try to play the white knight," he snorts as he takes out his Reikai Compact.

* * *

"Look, I'm just relieved you haven't lost it for the bitch," scowls Sawamura as he enters a warehouse near Shiba Middle.

"Though you've still taken complete leave of what little common sense you have, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo, "to bring us out here in front of Saitou's men."

"Considering how stupidly you three acted in front of Aoyama today," says Kuwabara, "I thought I'd entertain Saitou _-sempai_ with your sad attempt at being the Japanese Three Stooges."

"What's the point of being polite to someone like her?" demands Kirishima.

"Perhaps if you hadn't beaten up her lady friends," says Kuwabara, "I wouldn't feel obligated to shoulder the burden of proving to her that we are civilized gentlemen."

"We don't have shit to prove to her, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo.

"We are better than Aoyama," says Kuwabara, "that's true. So I, for one, will act like it. You three may hate her and spit at her all you like," he continues, "but if any of you threaten her again, then I'll have no choice but to throw in our lot with Saitou."

Okubo fumes.

Saitou, in his throne, snorts at Kuwabara's declaration. "I might be able to use the other two, but do you really think I want offal like Okubo, Kazuma _-kun_?" he asks.

"Fuck you!" spits Okubo.

"I say that, Saitou _-sempai_ , because we obviously don't have enough to do, if Okubo and the others think we should piss around and harass a rich girl at our school," says Kuwabara.

"If having to put up with Saitou is the price we'd have to pay to have free license to punish Aoyama," says Kirishima, "then if his pretty-boy ass will have me, I'm okay with it."

"Count me in as well," adds Sawamura. "Honestly, Kuwabara _-san_ : fuck that bitch."

"She was kicked out of Meioh Academy in disgrace, along with the rest of her cohorts, who were involved in that business last spring," says Kuwabara.

"But we're the only ones who know the truth about her," says Okubo.

"Let's give Aoyama the opportunity to redeem herself," says Kuwabara. "Just because you hate someone doesn't mean you can't be civil."

"This isn't like you, boss," says Sawamura. "Is it okay if we get some food?"

"And I've got to go to work," sighs Okubo, resigned.

"Do whatever you like," spits Kuwabara.

Saitou nods to his gang; they leave the warehouse.

"See you tomorrow, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Kirishima. He leaves with Sawamura and Okubo.

Saitou strokes his chin. "You're up to something, Kazuma _-kun_ ," he says after a moment.

"Yeah," scoffs Kuwabara, "keeping my crew's stupid asses out of the fire. Do you know what will happen if those three idiots try to beat the shit out of a rich girl like Aoyama?"

"They get kicked out of school, thrown into juvenile prison, and become the toys of the asshats running the prison," says Saitou.

"Exactly," says Kuwabara. "It doesn't matter to cops or school officials if my men are justified in their actions," he continues, "and those three are on thin ice. They only got cleared of the crap they pulled last spring because some students at Meioh backed them up."

"Didn't you send them to Meioh?" asks Saitou.

"I sent them to check out trouble I figured was in the area," says Kuwabara.

"Please quit trying to fuck with me, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou, a canny smile on his face. "I heard some of the same noises you did. One of my men, Yokosuka, is a third-year student at Meioh," he continues, "and had received Aoyama's invite-but had the good sense not to accept that invitation."

"Of course not," says Kuwabara with a smirk. "Minakami would have punched his face in."

* * *

Ending his shift at his job, Okubo packs seven carryout boxes; he hands a box to each delinquent seated: Sawamura, Kirishima, Minakami, Nemoto, and Yokosuka.

Sawamura opens his box as the youths exit the restaurant. "Damn; Xiao _-san_ has to be Fuan _-sempai_ 's sister," he grins as he swallows a bit of _chow mei fun_ , "because this is too good."

" _Oi_ ," says Okubo, "I cleaned and cut the vegetables."

"That's what they're paying you to do, you ass," snorts Kirishima.

Okubo rolls his eyes. "Only for me to end up paying them back in order to eat food I helped to cook," he grins.

The six boys continue their walk towards Sawamura's house.

"I understand why you bought takeout for your friends," says Yokosuka as the group reaches Sawamura's house, "but why feed us, Okubo?"

Sawamura and Kirishima enter Sawamura's house. Eating from his carryout box, Okubo walks off; Yokosuka follows after along with Minakami and Nemoto.

"When you're done stuffing your face," says Minakami, "answer Yokosuka's question."

Okubo swallows a bite of _chow mei fun_ , then wipes his mouth with a napkin. "It's part of the bribe," he says.

Minakami stares at Okubo, as do Nemoto and Yokosuka.

"What stupid thing do you want to do behind Kuwabara _-san_ 's back?" asks Nemoto, wiping his glasses.

Okubo's eyes widen.

"Look, we're not dense, Okubo," says Minakami. "You three looked like you wanted to murder that rich girl."

"I wouldn't do that to you guys," says Okubo, "or ask you to go that far over a sorry bitch like her. I just want you, Minakami, to rough her up a bit. Aoyama's too full of herself, and we need to teach her a lesson."

"Kuwabara _-san_ will trace this shit straight to you," spits Nemoto, "and as for us-*"

"I'll field this one, Nemoto," says Yokosuka, a gentle smile on his face.

"Look; I planned this out," says Okubo. "I figured that with Minakami's boxing, Nemoto's brains, and your ability to keep everyone involved silent, Yokosuka," he continues, "Kuwabara _-san_ wouldn't think twice about the matter."

Yokosuka pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Besides," continues Okubo, fixing his eyes onto Yokosuka's, "you and I both know why I want Aoyama's face busted in."

"True," says Yokosuka, "and she deserves it: I'm with you on that. Here's the problem, though: we three each have criminal histories," he continues, "and Minakami's a fugitive."

Minakami adjusts his dark red cap.

"Furthermore," Yokosuka adds, "next year, I'm going to Shiba High to finish my clean break with the past, and I'm already in good with Saitou."

Okubo's eyes harden as he hears Saitou's name.

"If you expect me to fuck that shit up-or for any of us to risk going back to that hellhole," spits Yokosuka, his own eyes hard, "you'd better be prepared for us to own your fat ass."

"The miserable bit of pocket change you were going to throw at us," adds Nemoto, "isn't nearly enough to justify us sticking our necks out on the block for you."

"We don't like you that much, Okubo," says Minakami. "I'd just listen to Kuwabara and drop the grudge if I were you."

"You don't get it!" seethes Okubo.

"I think you're referring to yourself," counters Minakami, disturbingly calm as he absently rubs his right hand.

Okubo stares at Minakami's hands. "Yeah...I sometimes forget the kind of world we live in: where we can't just beat the fuck out of people who deserve it," he says.

"And that's a good thing," says Minakami, "because at some point, we're going to be the assholes who've earned a beating."

"Aoyama will get hers in the end," says Yokosuka, "so whether your boss Kuwabara is an idealistic fool or not, follow his lead. It'll save you some money." He walks off.

"Thanks for the grub," says Minakami.

"Yeah," says Nemoto. "I'll need to budget for regular trips to Yokohama."

"You're not going to bum money from Maeda again, asshole," says Minakami, slapping the back of Nemoto as the two walk off.

Sighing, Okubo heads down the steps to the subway. "I guess Kuwabara _-san_ will be hungry," he says.

* * *

Kuwabara stands still, rigid and tense as an all-too familiar sensation seizes him outside the cafeteria. _Why?_ he spits silently as he trembles, unable to move. _Why does a fucking ghost have to haunt the school now?_

Aoyama approaches Kuwabara.

 _Wonderful,_ says Kuwabara to himself, irritated. _Her presence is exactly what I need at the moment._

"Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Aoyama, "I would like to know what you think of this." Aoyama shows Kuwabara a photo of herself in a red two-piece bikini.

"I...can't express to you," says Kuwabara, "what I truly feel at the moment, Aoyama _-san_."

"You are that much in awe of my beauty?" wonders Aoyama, a coy smile on her face. "I understand," she continues, stroking Kuwabara's cheek, "but there's no need to be shy. I won't bite." Aoyama flutters her lashes, then walks away...

...as Kuwabara's gang approaches.

Sawamura takes out a bottle of disinfectant. "Don't worry, boss," he grins as he sprays Kuwabara's face. "I'll clean you right up."

"The bitch cornered you while you were tickled," adds Okubo.

"If I could move," grumbles Kuwabara, "I'd beat the shit out of all three of you."

"You've never had tickles this strong before," says Kirishima.

Sawamura wipes the disinfectant off Kuwabara's face.

"This shit's getting worse," hisses Kuwabara. "It's happening at school a lot more often now."

"Ever since she showed up," says Okubo. "Maybe she summoned some _yokai_ to give you trouble."

"Have some fucking sense!" howls Kuwabara.

"Kuwabara _-san_ , you have the worst grades of the four of us," counters Kirishima quizzically.

"Fuck you all," says Kuwabara.

" _Oi_ , better us than her," grins Sawamura. "At least you know where we've been."

"Okubo's the only one of you asses who has been _anywhere_ ," quips Kuwabara, "as difficult as that is to believe."

Okubo scratches his nose.

"And if he has any brains at all, he'd go back to her on hands and knees to beg her forgiveness," continues Kuwabara.

"I'm not discussing Sorano _-san_ , Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo. "We broke it off. You can't trust everything Saitou says."

"What motive would Saitou _-sempai_ have to make shit up about you?" asks Kuwabara as his 'tickle' subsides and he regains mobility.

"I don't know," says Okubo, shrugging. "He sees how strong you are, and wants you to be in with his gang, so he's trying to separate you from us. At least that's what I think."

* * *

Atop the roof of Shiba High, Saitou studies a full-length mirror.

"So," says a voice as rose petals start to appear, "the fat bastard is a bit wiser than we thought."

"Hardly," scoffs Saitou. "Even a sorry excuse for a pig can stumble onto a truffle. How is Jadeite doing against those two girls?" he asks.

The swirl of rose petals dissipates, revealing a handsome youth with dirty blond hair and green eyes. "Not as well as he could be doing, Kunzite _-sama_ ," he says.

Saitou laughs as he shakes his head. "It's a good thing none of our enemies attend Shiba High, Zoisite," he says, "or both of our identities would be compromised."

"Nephrite's trying to steer Jadeite into using better tactics, but you know how stubborn both of them can be," says Zoisite. "As to ourselves, I can accept your rebukes."

Saitou pulls Zoisite into his arms, embracing him. "You've missed me, I presume," he says.

"That too," says Zoisite. "I'm also annoyed that you're so fixated on that boy: Kazuma _-chan_."

"Don't let your jealousies get the better of you," says Saitou. "While he's beautiful in his own way-and certainly quite virginal-my interest in him is purely related to business."

"You think so?" asks Zoisite.

"The lard-ass did note my enthusiasm," grins Saitou, stroking Zoisite's cheek, "but he thinks I want to waste Kazuma _-kun_ 's potential on my pack of idiots-when even those men can tell I'm involved in more interesting shit than anything their childish turf wars could offer me. They want me out of the delinquent game," he continues, "because they think they're holding me back."

"They're loyal to you," smiles Zoisite. "I can respect people who have at least that much good sense, Kunzite _-sama_. As to Kazuma _-chan_ ," he continues, "shall I invite him to our games?"

"Not yet," says Saitou. "He isn't quite ready. Let him grow a bit more."

"I'm sure it will be worth the wait, then," says Zoisite. "Do you think he's into boys?" he teases.

"If I get him in with us," grins Saitou crudely, "he will learn to be." He kisses Zoisite.

* * *

Blushing and fuming, Keiko reenters the girls' locker room at Sarayashiki Middle.

Aoyama sucks on a red _Charms Blow-Pop_ as Keiko approaches her.

"W-what was the meaning of that!?" Keiko demands.

"Did you see more than you intended, Yukimura _-kun_?" says Aoyama after pulling out the lollipop to respond.

"I...I saw them naked!" stammers Keiko. "K-kuwabara _-san_...and Yusuke!"

"I thought you were familiar with Urameshi _-kun_ ," says Aoyama.

"Not...that way...!" spits Keiko, trembling. "We've just been friends for a long time."

"You don't have to be such a child about these matters," says Aoyama. "The men left the door open, and they like for us to take a little peek..."

"Y-you're so shameless!" Keiko seethes. "That's not the proper way to do things. How would you feel if they came in while we were naked!?"

"I would give them a show," says Aoyama. "Tell me," she continues. "From what little you saw before you shut your eyes tight, would you say that Kuwabara _-kun_ is...substantial?"

"I don't know or care!" says Keiko, pouting. "I saw far too much."

" _Oi_ , Keiko," says Yusuke, clad only in a pair of briefs, as he boldly enters the girls locker room, causing other girls to scream. "Aoyama has a point. Flash me your tits."

Keiko glares at Yusuke, then storms over to him. "Yusuke...!" she shrieks, slapping Yusuke out of the locker room, then shutting and locking the door.

The other girls stare at Keiko, including her classmates.

"What!?" spits Keiko. "I told you he's not scary."

Aoyama smirks. "Let me show you the proper way to rebuke someone as impertinent as Urameshi _-kun_ ," she says as she strips.

Clad only in her panties, Aoyama throws the door open wide...

...even as Yusuke rubs his cheek, with Kuwabara-wearing a tank top and his uniform trousers-beside him, tugging on Yusuke's arm.

Yusuke stares at Aoyama's breasts. "Ah, they're a pretty nice pair, Aoyama," he grins.

"Yusuke!" Keiko spits from within the locker room.

Kuwabara sighs silently, rolls his eyes, then walks off without a word.

Aoyama's eyes widen a moment; Aoyama then scowls at Yusuke. "The show is ended, Urameshi _-kun_ ," she says curtly. "You may go now."

Yusuke shrugs. "Not much of a show without Keiko's tits anyway," he snorts, walking away.

"You see?" says Aoyama. "Men are not nearly as intimidating as you think-not if you know what to do with them." She slips her clothing back on.

"I don't think," says one of Keiko's classmates, "that I could ever be as bold as she is."

"She's not bold," mutters Keiko. "She's just a brazen and spoiled brat."

* * *

A few days later, after school, Kuwabara approaches Aoyama and hands her an envelope. "Hopefully," he says to her quietly, "this will begin to express my true feelings for you." He walks off, back toward his gang.

Aoyama trembles a moment, then opens the envelope and reads its contents. She smirks, clenches the letter in her hands, then strides toward her limo in triumph.

"Boss," says Sawamura, "I don't like that good mood she's in."

"What did you give Aoyama," adds Kirishima, "that she has any right to feel so smug?"

"I gave her what she wanted," says Kuwabara simply.

Okubo chuckles. "So, the bitch finally broke you down, eh?" he asks ruefully.

"If that's how it looks," says Kuwabara, shrugging. "I'm just getting a weight off my shoulders."

"Kuwabara _-san_..." winces Sawamura. "Say it ain't so, man," he adds in English.

"Think whatever you like, jackasses," says Kuwabara as he picks up his books. "I'll be happy to see the looks on your faces when this is all finished," he adds with a smile as he leaves the group.

"You know," says Sawamura after a moment, slapping the back of Okubo's head, "if you need more cash to bribe Minakami, just ask us!"

Okubo glares at Sawamura.

"What?" scoffs Kirishima. "You think we didn't figure out what your plan was?"

"No," says Okubo. "I just figured you two couldn't contain yourselves enough to keep your mouths shut around Kuwabara _-san_."

"Damn. Your point's made," says Sawamura. "Got us pegged, don't you, Okubo?"

"Yeah. I just don't know what Kuwabara _-san_ is thinking sometimes," says Okubo.

"He's either at a whole other level of intelligence," says Kirishima, "or completely nuts."

* * *

"You're much like this ice cream cone you bought me, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Aoyama, slowly licking the cone.

"Hm?" says Kuwabara.

"So sweet," says Aoyama.

"Enjoy it while it lasts, Aoyama _-san_ ," says Kuwabara.

Aoyama offers Kuwabara the cone. "Don't you want a taste?" she asks. "I know it cost you a bit to purchase it from that gourmet shop you escorted me to."

"Think nothing of it," says Kuwabara, refusing the cone. "Besides," he continues, whispering in Aoyama's ear, "I have something more interesting than an indirect kiss planned for us at the docks."

"Ah, that's right," says Aoyama. She resumes eating the ice cream with relish.

Kuwabara stuffs his hands in his pockets as he walks beside Aoyama.

After several minutes, Aoyama finishes her ice cream; both stop in front of a movie theater.

"Let's watch a movie!" says Aoyama, grabbing Kuwabara's arm and dragging him in. "I'll treat you this time."

Kuwabara sighs. "As you wish," he says.

Aoyama purchases two tickets, then enters the theater lobby; Kuwabara follows, a bemused smile on his face.

"What are we seeing?" asks Kuwabara after a moment.

Aoyama places a finger on Kuwabara's lips. "It's my secret. I promise you that we'll enjoy ourselves; that's all I'll say." She hands Kuwabara his ticket, then starts to enter the theater.

Kuwabara touches Aoyama's shoulder. "Please forgive me," he says. "I...need to use the restroom. There are...certain matters I should have addressed before going on this trip with you."

"I understand completely," says Aoyama. "Take care of yourself."

"Thank you," says Kuwabara, heading towards the restroom as Aoyama enters the theater.

* * *

Inside the restroom, Kuwabara sighs, weary. "Perhaps she'll surprise me," he says. "Thus far, Aoyama's acting exactly as I figured she would. It's...annoying."

Kuwabara's _reikan_ seizes him.

"And so are you!" Kuwabara spits. "Whoever the fuck you are," he continues, "would you at least be considerate enough to show your face?"

A ghost appears in front of Kuwabara, the spirit of a beautiful yet sullen woman.

"Oh," snorts Kuwabara. "You're that girl's mother. Why do you have a grudge against me?" he asks.

"I know you have no kind thoughts toward my daughter," says the ghost of Aoyama's mother.

"I'm sorry, bitch," says Kuwabara. "I had no idea I was running afoul of such an incredible precognitive talent," he says sardonically.

"Do not trifle with me," says the ghost.

"I have no intention of harming Aoyama Junko," says Kuwabara. "Go on," he adds. "You can put your hand in my chest and check my heart-see if I'm lying."

"All that you'd prove is that you're a reckless fool," says the ghost as she complies with Kuwabara's request, "to risk death so readily."

Kuwabara tenses his fists as his body resists the arcane intrusion from the ghost's hand, but otherwise remains calm. "I have nothing to hide," he says. "I would never lay a finger on your daughter to do her harm."

"Be wise, young man, and accept my daughter's feelings," says the ghost.

"I fully accept your daughter's feelings," says Kuwabara, "for exactly what they are."

The ghost withdraws her hand, satisfied. "I don't sense any deception," she says. "But I don't sense-*"

"It matters not what you sense, Aoyama _-dono_ ," says a _shinigami_ with auburn hair. "It is time for you to return to Reikai."

"You don't understand!" shrieks the ghost.

"I only understand that the matters of the living are no longer your concern, Aoyama _-dono_ ," says the _shinigami_. "You shall come with me, and face judgment for your sins in life."

"You...you can't do this!" spits the ghost, even as the _shinigami_ restrains her. "That boy's intent! It is-*"

"Again, irrelevant," says the _shinigami_. He drags the ghost, kicking and screaming, through the ceiling and out of the restroom.

Kuwabara's _reikan_ seizure subsides. "Whoever in Reikai sent that guy to drag her off," he says, grinning, "I thank you." He folds his hands together in a half-jest of a prayer, then leaves the restroom.

* * *

Yusuke enters Keiko's room, holding an unconscious Keiko in a bridal carry. "The next time I do this, Keiko," he says quietly, "I expect you to be wearing a white dress, along with those panties I like covering your firm, perky ass." Yusuke lays Keiko gently onto her bed.

Keiko's parents look into Keiko's room as Yusuke exits.

"Yuu _-chan_ ," says Keiko's mother, "will she be alright?"

Yusuke nods. "Keiko just needs some rest," he says.

"What about the piece of shit who kidnapped her?" fumes Keiko's father.

"That asshole won't be any more trouble," says Yusuke confidently, brandishing a fist. "I taught him a lesson."

Keiko's father grunts as the three leave the doorway to Keiko's room and reenter the ramen shop.

"We should feed Yuu _-chan_ and his friend," says Keiko's mother.

Keiko's father nods, heading to the kitchen.

Several minutes later, Keiko's mother serves Yusuke and his "friend", Kurama, bowls of ramen.

"I heard something interesting from Okubo _-kun_ ," says Keiko's mother. "He says that Kuwabara _-kun_ is dating a young woman."

Yusuke's eyes widen in shock; he then snickers. "So that clingy, brazen bitch finally got to him," he says as he slurps some ramen. "His goons must be pissed."

Keiko's mother giggles, rolling her eyes at Yusuke's reaction as she leaves Yusuke and Kurama to their meal.

"Why?" asks Kurama, eating his ramen.

"Those three hate her for some reason," says Yusuke. "Something that happened at your school last spring-before I got involved in this Reikai bullshit."

"Who is the girl?" asks Kurama.

"Some rich girl: Aoyama," says Yusuke.

"Ah," says Kurama, dabbing his mouth with a napkin. "Aoyama _-kun_ will be shameless and try this Kuwabara's patience."

Yusuke nods. "She shoved Keiko into the men's locker room at our school a few days ago to check Kuwabara out," he says, grinning. "Even I'll admit that the bastard has a nice package to offer a girl, so I guess Aoyama's onto something. It sure as hell makes up for his face."

"I am curious about this Kuwabara fellow," says Kurama. "I only hope that his taste in mates is better than what I'm hearing so far."

"With Kuwabara, it's hard to tell," says Yusuke. "We're not friends or anything, so I don't know him well enough to say."

"You're not friends?" wonders Kurama.

"Until recently, I've been punching the asshole's face in every time he was stupid enough to fuck with me," says Yusuke.

"A one-sided rivalry, then," says Kurama.

"Yeah," says Yusuke. "Aside from that, Kuwabara's actually not as bad as he sounds. He mostly restricts himself and his gang to picking fights with other assholes."

"So he's almost a knight errant with a set of squires," muses Kurama.

"A knight in sour armor," snorts Yusuke. "The bastard is so obnoxiously cynical sometimes."

"A knight must have a lady to defend," says Kurama. "I would be disappointed," he continues, "if Kuwabara _-kun_ is such a poor judge of character as to choose Aoyama _-kun_."

"I'll find out tomorrow, after his date," says Yusuke, "and maybe I'll let you know." He finishes the rest of his ramen.

* * *

The movie ends.

Aoyama withdraws a small object from between her spread legs, then wipes the object with a handkerchief and places the object inside her purse. "I'll give this memento to Kuwabara _-kun_ ," she smirks aloud to herself. "If that doesn't raise his ardor for me," Aoyama continues as she leaves the theater, "then I'd have to question his sexuality."

Exiting the theater, Aoyama notes a relaxed Kuwabara standing outside; she walks up to him and presents her handkerchief.

"A memento?" asks Kuwabara, accepting the handkerchief. "Aoyama _-san_ : you shouldn't have."

"I felt sorry for you, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Aoyama. "You missed an exciting movie."

"I can imagine," says Kuwabara, stuffing the handkerchief in one of his pockets. "Let's go to the docks. It's already late." He walks off.

Aoyama giggles. _No man,_ she says to herself, _can resist me. It's as simple as that._ She leaves after Kuwabara.

* * *

Kuwabara and Aoyama reach the docks late at night; Kuwabara holds Aoyama's hand as they walk towards the pier.

"How was everything, Aoyama _-san_?" asks Kuwabara.

"Splendid," says Aoyama. "Far better than I imagined overall, though I'm sorry that you missed out on the movie."

"I...couldn't contain myself," says Kuwabara, smiling. "I'm so giddy about how matters have turned out that I was afraid I'd laugh throughout the movie and spoil our evening."

"Shall we be more familiar with each other, as special friends?" asks Aoyama. "If I call you 'Kazuma', then you may call me 'Junko'."

"Ah: not so fast, Aoyama _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, giving Aoyama a teasing smile. "Let me get a good look at you," he adds, gently twirling Aoyama as he releases her hand, "so that we can have that chat I wrote about, and come to understand each other."

"So charming!" sighs Aoyama. "I simply adore this sudden turn of good nature in you..." She trails off as she stops spinning, noting that Kuwabara's gallant smile fails to reach his eyes: hard, icy, and filled with cold venom.

Kuwabara chuckles. "Let's play a game," he says brightly.

"And what game would you have us play?" asks Aoyama.

Kuwabara presents his right fist.

"Y-you're going to fight me!?" shrieks Aoyama, frightened.

"No!" balks Kuwabara, snickering. " _Janken_ : the game is _janken_."

Aoyama fumes as she gathers her wits and calms herself. "That's...a child's game," she pouts.

"Technically," says Kuwabara, "we're both still children, and I don't feel like being grown-up just yet. Please, Aoyama _-san_ ," he continues. "Just humor me."

"Alright..." says Aoyama, dubious. "What happens when someone wins?"

"Simple," says Kuwabara. "The winner takes a step forward, and the loser takes a step backward through each round. Before you accept this challenge, Aoyama _-san_ ," he adds, "I will warn you that I'm very good at this game; you really should turn back now and call it a night."

"So serious," says Aoyama, "about such a silly thing. I'll play with you, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," she continues, "at any games you like."

"So be it," says Kuwabara.

The two teenagers begin the first round of _janken_.

* * *

Aoyama stands at the edge of the pier, feeling the cold ocean air flow up her skirt. Trembling, she faces Kuwabara.

Kuwabara studies her coolly, briefly slipping his hands in his pockets before taking them back out.

"K-kuwabara _-kun_..." says Aoyama, laughing nervously. "You have such a strong and steady streak of beginner's luck."

Kuwabara smirks.

"I'm kidding, of course," continues Aoyama. "You are clearly my superior at _janken_. We can stop now."

"Come now, Aoyama _-san_ ," says Kuwabara. "One more round."

"This...this isn't fun anymore," says Aoyama, afraid.

"Don't be inconsiderate, Aoyama _-san_ ," says Kuwabara curtly. "I'm having a great time playing with you. One more round."

"But...it's getting late," says Aoyama. "You said so yourself earlier."

"I know what I said," says Kuwabara. "One more round."

"If I play another round with you, I lose again. If I step back again," she continues, "I could drown."

"Surely you can swim, Aoyama _-san_. At least give it another go," says Kuwabara, a mocking lilt to his voice. "One more round."

"Of course I can swim," spits Aoyama, "but the currents here are strong, and there could be boats that don't see me, Kuwabara _-kun_. I don't want to play anymore!"

"You presume that I give a fuck, Aoyama," spits Kuwabara. "Now. One more round."

"I...I-don't understand...!" cries Aoyama, terrified and confused.

"It doesn't matter what you understand," says Kuwabara tersely. "One more round."

Aoyama looks around, frantic as she realizes her situation. "I'm alone, in a dark, deserted place, with an apparent lunatic of a delinquent thug trying to kill me with a game of _janken_!" she seethes. "It's so absurd, to be tricked like this!"

"Absurdity for an absurd woman," says Kuwabara, relentless. "One. More. Round."

"N-no!" cries Aoyama, dropping to her knees as she clutches Kuwabara's knees. "Don't do this! I-I'll give you anything-I'll do anything for you...just let me live," she pleads.

"There is nothing you have," says Kuwabara, glaring at Aoyama with an expression of unfiltered hate, "that I want."

Aoyama trembles, staring at a rather menacing Kuwabara.

"Now," Kuwabara continues, "unhand me, you stupid bitch, or I will kill you."

Aoyama obeys, sobbing as she pulls out Kuwabara's note; her eyes filled with terror and disbelief.

Kuwabara snatches the note from Aoyama. "That's right! According to this," he says glibly, "we're supposed to have a heart-to-heart chat. In this case," spits Kuwabara, "I'll talk, and you-my obnoxious cunt-will shut the fuck up and listen..."

* * *

Kuwabara pats Aoyama's head gently.

Aoyama whimpers.

"You may speak now, Aoyama," says Kuwabara evenly.

"How could you!?" she demands. "Why would you!? What reason do you have to hate me so!?"

"There are a host of reasons, some of which I don't want you to know," says Kuwabara, "and some of which are irrelevant. The only reason you need to know," he continues, "is simple: you annoy me, Aoyama." Kuwabara offers Aoyama his hand.

Aoyama trembles, eyeing Kuwabara warily as she rises to her feet with his help.

"I'm done with you, Aoyama," says Kuwabara, withdrawing a small tape recorder. "If you wish to preserve what little dignity you have left," he adds, presenting the tape recorder, "then you'll stay out of my sight and will quit making a nuisance of yourself at my school. I won't tolerate your crap. Do we have an understanding?"

"You...you're horrid!" spits Aoyama as she grasps for the tape recorder, which Kuwabara keeps out of her reach.

"So are you," says Kuwabara. "How ironic that we have something in common."

Aoyama drops to her knees in defeat, her expression wretched.

"I'm so glad we had our sweet heart-to-heart chat," Kuwabara mocks. "Good night, Aoyama." He walks away.

* * *

A maid serves Aoyama her breakfast.

Aoyama glares at the maid. "Go," she orders.

"Yes, miss," says the maid. She bows and leaves the breakfast nook.

Aoyama's father enters the nook, grabbing a piece of toast.

"Father," says Aoyama, "please sit."

"Junko," says Aoyama's father. "This manner you have of ordering me about like I'm your dog: I have given it much thought; at your age, you must end this uncivilized behavior."

"Father," says Aoyama icily, "you are in no position to lecture me regarding civility. However," she continues, "I'm certain that Kuwabara Kazuma, who has behaved in a rather savage fashion towards me when I extended to him all due courtesy and kindness, would be an ideal choice for your tirades."

"Did you give Kuwabara _-san_ reason to be discourteous?" asks Aoyama's father.

"None, father," says Aoyama, biting into a slice of buttered toast.

"You didn't expose yourself in front of him, or shove another schoolmate into the men's locker room while at school?" asks Aoyama's father.

"I did those things for fun, to flirt harmlessly, father," says Aoyama.

"Please understand, Junko," says Aoyama's father. "If you behave in ways that mark you as an object of a man's contempt and ridicule," he continues, "then you can't be surprised when you become subjected to contempt and ridicule."

"He mocked me!" hisses Aoyama. "Treated me like a fool."

"You behaved like a foolish girl, Junko," says Aoyama's father. "Being a man myself, I cannot fault Kuwabara _-san_ for that; I will certainly not waste my valuable time and energy berating him for something so inane. Just ignore him and let him alone," he continues curtly, "and find a productive way to soothe your wounded pride." Aoyama's father leaves the breakfast nook with his attache case, heading to work.

"If...if I can bring that bastard under my power," says Aoyama, "and have him experience me, then he will learn his lesson."

A maid brings Aoyama coffee.

Aoyama sips the coffee, then spits it out. She splashes the maid with the rest of the coffee, then slaps her. "You little bitch!" she seethes. "Black, with sugar!"

"F-forgive me," cries the maid.

"Clean all of this up," orders Aoyama. "I must go to school." Picking up her school bag, she leaves the breakfast nook.

* * *

Kuwabara grins down at his _obento_. "Ah, shrimp _tempura_ today," he says. "Never tell her I said this," Kuwabara says to his gang, "but _aneki_ is such a good cook."

"She knows that already, boss," says Sawamura.

"Remember that beef curry Shizuru _-san_ made?" adds Kirishima. "Mouth-watering goodness. I envy you, man."

"She ought to be good at something," says Kuwabara, "considering how often she beats me up."

"To be fair, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo, "we all have earned a beating from her over the years."

"Depending on the context," says Kirishima, waggling his eyebrows, "I wouldn't mind a gentle spanking."

"I'll ignore your pointless lust for my sister," says Kuwabara, "if you'd take the time to remember that nothing from Kuwabara Shizuru is gentle. Or Kuwabara Kazuma, for that matter," he continues, irritated, "if you persist in this train of thought."

"Shizuru _-san_ needs a steady boyfriend," quips Sawamura.

"Yeah," says Kuwabara, "and as her brother, I'm insulted that you and Kirishima don't think she can do better than you two cocksuckers."

"Rethink any crude retorts about Shizuru _-san_ ," says Okubo. "Have you forgotten all of the black eyes he's given you every time your minds went to the gutter?"

"No," says Kirishima. "I just think it'd be worth it if one of us managed to win."

Sawamura nods. "We're sad little masochists: we know," he adds.

Kuwabara snickers. "I'm just saving you idiots from getting shoved down the stairs again," he says. "I'm your friend, remember?"

"We're amazed that you remember, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo, an annoyed scowl on his face.

Kuwabara gives Okubo a quizzical look as he starts to eat.

Aoyama touches Kuwabara's shoulder. "Kuwabara _-kun_ ," she says, a coy smile on her face. "I just wanted to convey to you," she continues, a hard, stony look in her eyes, "my feelings about our exciting date last night."

Kuwabara returns Aoyama's glare, setting down his chopsticks as he turns his head away from her. "Guys," he says to his gang, "I've lost my appetite."

"I can't blame you, boss," says Sawamura. "Sometimes the _company_ at this school can cause a starving man to lose his appetite."

"Don't be so bashful!" crows Aoyama. "You said last night that you were having a great time playing with me, remember?" She kisses Kuwabara forcefully.

Kuwabara...does not respond.

Aoyama ends the kiss, backing away with a smug smile on her lips. "So," she says after a moment, "what did you think, Kuwabara _-kun_?"

Kuwabara is silent.

Kirishima gags.

"Who the fuck told you to put your lips on the boss?" says Sawamura, sullen.

"You don't have to rub our faces in your shit, Aoyama," adds Okubo.

Aoyama ignores Kuwabara's gang, concentrating on Kuwabara's reaction. "I asked you a question, Kuwabara _-kun_."

"And you expect a response," says Kuwabara after a moment of unnerving silence.

"Yes," says Aoyama.

"I have a problem, Aoyama," says Kuwabara, slowly rising from his chair. "I don't know how to respond...to someone who is clearly deaf."

"I heard every idiotic thing you said to me, Kuwabara Kazuma," says Aoyama. "I just don't intend to have the likes of you trifle with me."

Kuwabara shakes his head. "But you must be deaf, or hard of hearing, Aoyama," he counters. "Because last night, I made it quite clear exactly how I felt about you."

"The only thing you've made clear to me," says Aoyama, "is that you don't know your place."

"I know that one place I'll never be is on top of you," says Kuwabara, "no matter how much you expect to have me there."

"As if I'd want _you_ ," sneers Aoyama.

"Oh, no!" says Kuwabara. "Unlike you, I'm not deluded. I know that you think men are preprogrammed to swoon before you," he continues derisively, "but the truth is, compared to the woman I think of in a red two-piece bathing suit, you have all of the allure of a _horse's ass_!"

"W-what!?" balks Aoyama.

"That's one of the _nicer_ things I said to you last night, if you recall," says Kuwabara.

Aoyama trembles.

"I fucking hate to repeat myself to stupid people," Kuwabara continues, "but that's why I happen to have _this_!" Kuwabara pulls out the tape recorder.

"W...wait a moment, Kuwabara _-san_..." breathes Aoyama. "You don't want to do this to me."

"Actually, bitch," counters Kuwabara, "I do. And I hate you for that as well." He presses _PLAY_ on the tape recorder.

 _ **"...you don't have shit to tempt me with that I haven't already seen," snorted Kuwabara. "You're...going to interrupt, aren't you?"**_

 _ **"I..." Aoyama panted between sobs. "Let me show you what I can do...!"**_

 _ **"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" sneered Kuwabara. "To suck me off, like some cheap whore. The problem I have with letting you do that, though," he continued, "is that doing so would grant you dignity you don't deserve! Whores don't deserve to be lumped in with the likes of you."**_

 _ **"You've never had a woman!" spat Aoyama. "I have good sources."**_

 _ **"Nice to know that you're a stalker," said Kuwabara. "As to being sucked off: I've had better than what you could offer me."**_

 _ **"No other woman can compare to me," countered Aoyama.**_

 _ **"I know. I also know I can't compare you to dog shit," said Kuwabara. "If I were to step on you," he continued, "I would never hear the end of it from my sister for messing up my shoes-which is one of the reasons I haven't kicked you in the face."**_

 _ **Aoyama choked on her next retort.**_

 _ **"As far as your breasts, Aoyama: I'm not impressed," continued Kuwabara. "I've seen far lovelier breasts. Then again, even Okubo has a nicer set of tits than you do!"**_

"Don't believe anything on that tape!" Aoyama shrieks. "It's all lies! Kuwabara's a liar!"

"I ought to hit Kuwabara _-san_ for claiming that I have tits," mutters Okubo.

"Your man-tits are rocking, Okubo," grins Sawamura.

"Sh! The boss is on a roll," says Kirishima, fascinated by the tape.

 _ **"You...have no right to talk to me like this!" blubbered Aoyama.**_

 _ **"Oh, I don't?" asked Kuwabara. "How silly you are, Aoyama. You expect me not to mock you," he scoffed, "when you plotted to drag me into a theater to watch an X-rated film with you? That's what the fuck I was craving-being stuck in a chair next to you, listening to you masturbate to a vibrator buzzing around in your filthy snatch!"**_

 _ **Aoyama yelped.**_

 _ **"That's why I avoided that issue by staying out of the theater altogether. I just bought some popcorn and sat outside the whole time," crowed Kuwabara. "I was telling you the truth when you asked me why I missed that 'exciting movie'; you realize that much, don't you, Aoyama?" he asked.**_

 _ **"You told me you didn't want to spoil the evening!" whined Aoyama.**_

 _ **"Exactly: I didn't want to spoil my evening of savoring your fucked-up comedy of errors," snickered Kuwabara. "You even handed me your handkerchief," he added, howling with laughter, "which I wouldn't even wipe my ass with-I had smelled your stench all over it, after all. You think I want to smell like you: a crazy bitch in heat!?"**_

 _ **"Stop it! Just stop it!" shrieked Aoyama.**_

 _ **"Why?" asked Kuwabara. "You never stopped being cruel to that girl you tied up back at Meioh, did you?" he continued tersely. "So why should I stop, when all I want to do is emulate your proud example?"**_

 _ **"You..." Aoyama seethed. "You sent those three bastards to Meioh, didn't you?"**_

 _ **"My men went to Meioh on their own; I sent them to the general area because I heard some shit," said Kuwabara. "Of course, I'm well-aware that you were tormenting that girl for the past year beforehand-all because of petty jealousy. You never thought that lovely girl had friends, did you?"**_

"Everything you're hearing is out of context!" cries Aoyama.

"Kuwabara's not the type of man to lie," counters Nemoto.

"And he would totally act in defense of a lovely girl," adds Minakami, "but for him to go this far to destroy someone-especially another girl."

"That 'lovely girl' must be one hell of a girl," grins Nemoto, "for Kuwabara to disrespect a woman so thoroughly. Either that," he continues, "or Aoyama's not worth spitting on."

"Given the way Kuwabara's carrying on," says Minakami, "the truth is likely both."

Kuwabara presses _STOP_ on the tape recorder. "Shall I go on?" he asks, a cruel smile on his face. "Or shall I reiterate what I just played before a live fucking audience?"

"That...that girl you were carrying on about," mutters Aoyama. "I'll kill her."

"Even as a corpse," says Kuwabara, "I'd sooner fuck her than you, so the only thing you'd accomplish," he adds, "is making it that much easier to want you dead."

Aoyama quivers, rubbing her arms.

"Of course, I already want you to die," continues Kuwabara. "You're only fit to feed worms anyway. Deep down," he says, "there's not a soul on this earth who gives a fuck about you."

Aoyama drops to her knees and sobs.

Keiko rushes up to Kuwabara and slaps him. "Take that back, Kuwabara _-san_!" she demands.

"Keiko _-san_ ," says Kuwabara gently, rubbing his cheek. "I only spoke the truth. Everything you heard was the truth. If there is any worth to Aoyama, I have no wish to see it." He walks away, followed by his jubilant gang.

Aoyama continues sobbing, wiping her nose with her uniform sleeve.

"Would you quit whining already?" groans Ken, working on his homework as he eats from a cup of instant ramen. "You smelled like a rotten piece of work, Aoyama, and he called you out on it. Kuwabara still went a bit overboard, though," Ken continues.

Keiko glares at the other students, then reaches out to help Aoyama to her feet.

"L-leave me alone...Yukimura _-kun_..." mutters Aoyama.

"Yusuke," orders Keiko, ignoring Aoyama.

"Kuwabara went so far," sighs Yusuke as he and Keiko help Aoyama to her feet. "Still," he continues, looking into Aoyama's eyes, "don't take it out on Keiko, or I'll put you back on the ground myself."

Aoyama snatches her hands away from Keiko and Yusuke, pain and humiliation written on her face. "Just...shut up, both of you!" she spits. Aoyama runs out of the cafeteria.

"I have to say," says Minakami, "that was a floor show for the ages."

"Yeah," grins Nemoto, "and this time, Kuwabara wasn't the guy on the ground writhing in pain. It's different."

"Kuwabara can be scary at times," says Minakami, "but given what Yokosuka told us, Aoyama deserved nothing less."

"I still want to know who this woman is that Kuwabara went to such lengths for," says Nemoto. "He implied that she sucked him off."

"Don't be an ass, Nemoto," says Minakami. "When it comes to women, you have shit-for-brains."

* * *

"You were right, boss," crows Sawamura. "We were fools to doubt you."

"We won't let Iwamoto try to give you any shit, either," adds Kirishima. "The whole school saw her kissing you. You never once attacked her," he continues, in awe, "though I still say you should have-just for your own peace of mind."

"You really showed us how it was done, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo. "I still don't appreciate that crack about my body fat, though."

"Fuck you," smirks Kuwabara. "It slipped."

"Fat jokes about a fat bastard like you are unavoidable, Okubo," says Saitou. "Take pride in the fact that you made yourself useful to him for once."

"Why do you keep bringing us to this bastard's den?" spits Okubo.

"In this case, because it annoys you guys," says Kuwabara. "This is my revenge for all the shit you three gave me for trying to keep your asses out of reform school."

"Beating the shit out of Aoyama would have satisfied us a bit faster," shrugs Kirishima.

"Reform school is no joke, boys," smiles Yokosuka thinly. "Kuwabara was wise to act as he did. Aoyama isn't worth that kind of trouble."

Kuwabara playfully-but roughly-punches Okubo's arm.

"I told you," Yokosuka continues, "that the bitch would get hers in the end, now didn't I?"

"I want the tape," grins Saitou.

"That's nothing I take pride in, _sempai_ ," says Kuwabara. "Let it alone, please."

"You shouldn't be so modest, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou. "That kind of ruthlessness will take you places." He tosses Kuwabara a beverage can.

Kuwabara catches the can, studying it. " _Sapporo..._?" he asks. "I'm not old enough for that, _sempai_."

"I didn't ask your age, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou, handing Yokosuka another beer. "You've earned a drink."

Kuwabara places the chilled beer can on his forehead. "I'll only drink if my men get a drink," he says, looking towards Okubo.

Saitou shrugs. "Fair enough," he says, tossing Sawamura, Kirishima, and Okubo a beer each.

Kuwabara approaches his gang, opening his can of beer as they open their cans.

" _Banzai!_ " the four say in unison.

* * *

The next afternoon, Iwamoto forcibly escorts Kuwabara into Takenaka's office.

"Sit," spits Iwamoto, forcing Kuwabara into a chair.

Kuwabara scowls at Iwamoto.

"You may go now, Iwamoto _-san_ ," says Takenaka, calm.

"Yes, sir," says Iwamoto.

Takenaka studies Kuwabara a moment, reading the youth's academic file. _Why is he such a difficult fellow to read...?_ he wonders.

Kuwabara straightens up in his chair, relaxing his face.

"Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Takenaka, closing Kuwabara's academic file. "You do have some idea why you're here, if I'm correct."

"Yes, sir," says Kuwabara coolly. "I have no wish to disrespect Aoyama _-kun_ 's family."

Takenaka sighs. "That doesn't explain why you can't perform the simple courtesy of paying your final respects to Aoyama _-san_ ," he says. "You are within your rights to dislike her, but civility is required."

"I'm not a deceitful person, Takenaka _-sensei_ ," says Kuwabara. "I am showing Aoyama _-kun_ and her family as much respect as I can," he continues, "by keeping my distance from her wake."

"Help me understand, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Takenaka, confused. "You visited Urameshi _-san_ 's wake-disrupting it rather violently, I may add. Why do that when he was someone you disliked to the point of instigating pointless one-sided fights with him?" _Which he always lost,_ Takenaka adds silently, hiding a smirk.

"Disliked...?" wonders Kuwabara. "I never disliked Urameshi. He's a worthwhile human being. I just wanted to be the man to punch his face in," he explains, "and thought that having a tough bastard like him die from vehicular homicide was a shitty way for him to leave this world."

Takenaka touches his chin.

"But even if I did hate him, Urameshi was-and is-at least worth something," continues Kuwabara, "and he didn't go out of his way to make innocent people miserable. I respect Urameshi, and our one-sided rivalry is beside the point."

"Yet Aoyama _-san_ is unworthy of even your basic respect," says Takenaka, his expression stern.

"To be blunt, Takenaka _-sensei_ , that woman...is unworthy of my shit's respect," says Kuwabara, sullen. "I ask that you refrain from demanding that I attempt to do so again."

"To maintain order at this school," says Takenaka, "I must know what grudge you and your cohorts had against Aoyama _-san_. Surely that is within your power, if you wish me to overlook your absence from tonight's wake."

"That is within reason, Takenaka _-sensei_ ," says Kuwabara soberly. Sighing, he begins. "It began at Meioh," Kuwabara explains.

Takenaka nods, taking out the academic files of Okubo, Sawamura, and Kirishima.

"There was a student enrolled there; a friend of ours from grade school. Aoyama _-kun_ ," smirks Kuwabara mirthlessly, "spent the better part of the previous school year giving this girl shit."

"I see," says Takenaka.

"It all culminated in Aoyama _-kun_ 's sick plot to humiliate our friend," says Kuwabara, wincing, "which my men's actions at Meioh thwarted. The whole matter got Aoyama _-kun_ and her accomplices expelled from Meioh."

"So, she enrolled into Sarayashiki for a fresh start," says Takenaka.

"Perhaps," shrugs Kuwabara, "but it's more likely she was there to provoke my men and get them expelled from school-using her father's connections with the school superintendent. She wouldn't be the first to attempt such a plot," he continues sardonically, "when you consider that some teachers _here_ would stop at nothing to see us gone-for, admittedly, more legitimate reasons."

"I'm glad that you at least recognize your flaws as a student, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Takenaka wryly, recalling a heated argument he had with Iwamoto after firing Akashi.

"Yes," says Kuwabara, not missing Takenaka's tone. "My intent was to ensure that none of us took her bait; thankfully, she seemed to be distracted by the apparent challenge of snaring me-a man she doesn't know a bit about," he snorts. "At the end of the day, Aoyama _-kun_ humiliated herself, and decided to kill herself."

"Kuwabara _-san_ ," counters Takenaka, heated, "you were unreasonably cruel and insulting to that girl."

"Please hear me out, Takenaka _-sensei_ ," says Kuwabara. "Aoyama _-kun_ had several opportunities to avoid the whole matter. The first was simply to ignore me; she failed to do so because she couldn't fathom the thought that there was actually a man who wouldn't worship her," he continues, rolling his eyes.

"Surely, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Takenaka, "being a foolish adolescent is no crime."

"No," says Kuwabara, "but the one she got away clean with had to be punished at some point. Had she shown any degree of remorse for her past actions, I would have remained civil," he continues, "but Aoyama _-kun_ never even gave my men a second thought-let alone the girl she assaulted."

"And that's when you escorted this girl you disliked so vehemently on a date," says Takenaka, "as part of your plan to humiliate her."

"There was no real plan to it," says Kuwabara. "Simply put, Aoyama _-kun_ was getting on my nerves, so I thought that by telling her my true opinion of her, she would decide to let me be. The second, and fatal error Aoyama _-kun_ made," Kuwabara continues, "was the end of that conversation I had taped: had the stupid bitch simply left me the fuck alone after all of that, I would never have bothered exposing her as the craven, sniveling little cunt she is...or rather, was." Kuwabara snickers, his expression remorseless.

"Presuming that you're telling the truth, Kuwabara _-san_ ," asks Takenaka, "how could Aoyama _-san_ have known that you were a friend of the student at Meioh?"

"She wouldn't have recognized me, Takenaka _-sensei_ ," says Kuwabara, "because: as I stated when you asked me last spring how Okubo, Sawamura, and Kirishima got into that mess at Meioh; my friends aren't dogs-I don't have them on a leash. I didn't send them to Meioh; I sent them to the neighborhood as part of our turf patrol. My men acted on their own," Kuwabara continues, "and attacked Aoyama's friends-who were about to harm our friend."

"I see," says Takenaka, stroking his chin.

"No, sir," says Kuwabara curtly. "You can't begin to see."

Takenaka's eyes widen.

"Those bitches had already hacked off large chunks of her hair," continues Kuwabara, trembling with fury. "They had tied our friend-half-naked-to a chair and invited some assholes at the school to..." Kuwabara glares at Takenaka. "My cohorts-my friends: they have my eternal gratitude. They acted as I would have in their place."

"And what does this friend of yours think of your actions?" asks Takenaka. "Would she approve of your hard-heartedness?"

"She doesn't know," says Kuwabara. "Ironically, if my friend were ever to learn of this; she, being good-natured like you and Yukimura _-san_ , would give me shit about what I did to Aoyama."

"Is that what we responsible people do when other, fundamentally-decent human beings like yourself are about to give in to their flaws?" asks Takenaka. "We 'give you shit' by trying to stop you from becoming what you hate?"

"That's her exact logic," says Kuwabara, "and how kind and pure my friend is. If left up to her," he continues, smiling, "she would have wasted her beautiful forgiveness on the likes of Aoyama."

"But you could not, and cannot even now-with her dead-bring yourself to forgive Aoyama _-san_ ," says Takenaka.

"She had just enough shame-if not decency-to remove herself from this world; I will grant Aoyama that," says Kuwabara. "There," he grins crudely, "the whole extent of my forgiveness, Takenaka _-sensei_."

Takenaka sighs. "Your arrogance knows no bounds, Kuwabara _-san_ ," he says, grave.

"So be it. If I live a thousand years," says Kuwabara, "I will never regret my words or actions regarding Aoyama."

"Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Takenaka, "you're young. It's far too soon for you to say what you will never regret. Remember that," he continues, "if you learn nothing else at this school."

"Yes, sir," says Kuwabara.

"I did also note that you recognize Yukimura _-san_ as a 'good-natured' person," adds Takenaka. "If you would be kind enough to do me a favor," he says, "and follow her example."

"I don't understand," says Kuwabara.

"It's a simple matter," says Takenaka, smiling. "I have noticed that Urameshi _-san_ has been more diligent in his attendance," he adds, "and I would like this promising trend to continue."

Kuwabara eyes Takenaka warily. _This bastard is up to something,_ he muses.

"Yukimura _-san_ alone cannot shoulder the burden of ensuring Urameshi _-san_ 's attendance at school," says Takenaka.

"I agree," says Kuwabara sedately. "This would be the task of our class president, Saotome Ken."

Takenaka nods. "Regrettably," he says, "due to Saotome _-san_ 's physiological disorder, he can only perform his duties as class president once a month."

"So for the rest of the month," says Kuwabara ruefully, "you would have me drag Urameshi to school when he reverts to his old habits and resists Yukimura _-san_."

"Yes," says Takenaka.

"One way or another," scoffs Kuwabara, "you are determined to punish me. Kuwabara Kazuma," he grins wryly. "The man who never goes a day unpunished."

"You may go, Kuwabara _-san_ ," chuckles Takenaka.

Kuwabara also chuckles as he leaves, shaking his head.

 _It is not punishment_ , says Takenaka, stroking his chin, _but discipline. One way or another, I am determined only to steer you in the right direction._

* * *

"Old man," says Yusuke, annoyed, "I've got things to do, believe it or not."

Takenaka opens his car door. "Please humor me, Urameshi _-san_ ," he says. "I would like to have tea at your house."

"All I know how to make-and all we've got-is instant coffee," counters Yusuke as he enters the car.

"Then I'll adapt," says Takenaka as he enters the driver's side. He starts up his car and drives off from Sarayashiki Middle.

 _The last time this hard-ass came to my house...well, I was dead at the time. It's pretty much the reason I'm dealing with this Reikai crap,_ muses Yusuke.

"I've heard from a student that you've taken on part-time work," says Takenaka.

"It's unpaid," says Yusuke, his eyes wide. "And I do most of the work involved with it after school."

"What made you take on this task?" asks Takenaka.

"My bosses are an obnoxious do-gooder kid and his babysitter," grins Yusuke, giving Takenaka a heavily-distorted version of the truth. "They think I'm an idle troublemaker," he continues, "and so they have me running around throughout the city, solving cases."

"Is that all you can tell me?" asks Takenaka, skeptical.

"Yeah," says Yusuke truthfully. "Ask me for any more than that, and I'll either have to lie or punch your fat old face in."

"I certainly have no wish for you to do either," says Takenaka, rolling his eyes.

Yusuke snorts. Takenaka smiles as he drives to Yusuke's apartment.

* * *

"I don't want you to become accustomed to this as a daily habit, Yukimura _-san_ ," says Kuwabara. "Only bring me in as a last resort, when you're not able to drag Urameshi out on your own."

Yusuke, awake, peeks out of his window and smirks. "I'll have some fun today before school," he says aloud to himself.

Outside, Keiko knocks on the door. "I know you're awake, Yusuke!" she says, pouting. "I called you early enough, and you should be ready."

In his room, Yusuke grins childishly, his hair mussed but otherwise dressed for school.

"If you won't come out, Urameshi," says Kuwabara from outside, "then I'm coming in!" He kicks in the door, knocking it off its hinges.

"That wasn't necessary, Kuwabara _-san_!" spits Keiko.

"I'll compensate Urameshi _-san_ for the door," says Kuwabara. "Let's just drag her stupid fucker of a son to school, okay?" he adds with a grin.

Keiko shakes her head. "You have too much enthusiasm for this, Kuwabara _-san_."

"I basically have an excuse to continue fighting him," says Kuwabara mischeviously.

Keiko opens the door to Yusuke's room...

...just as Yusuke pulls up the covers and closes his eyes.

"Yusuke," says Keiko, approaching the bed, "quit trying to feign sleep. I won't let you skip school like I used to."

Yusuke opens one eye, hiding his grin with his blanket. "You always gave me hell for skipping before my coma," he says, "and I still need to recuperate, to be honest. You'd think Takenaka would be moreunderstanding."

"Your academic progress needs to improve," says Keiko, relentless.

"You see?" grins Yusuke, revealing his huge smile, "There: it's just like before."

Keiko fumes.

Kuwabara arrives behind Keiko. "Quit being an ass, Urameshi," he says. "I may not be much of a match for you, but I will drag you kicking and screaming to school if I must."

Yusuke's eyes twinkle; he abruptly leaps to his feet, fully-clothed, causing Kuwabara and Keiko to step back. With Keiko still between himself and Kuwabara, Yusuke grabs Kuwabara's waist and pulls both Kuwabara and Keiko into an embrace.

Keiko flushes; Kuwabara, also blushing furiously, starts to raise his arms...

...except Yusuke grips Kuwabara's wrists and pins Kuwabara's arms to his own waist.

"W-what the fuck are you doing!?" stammers Kuwabara.

"This is punishment," smirks Yusuke, "for showing Keiko so much of yourself the other day."

"That wasn't intentional, Urameshi!" shrieks Kuwabara.

"You know that wasn't Kuwabara _-san_ 's fault...and you're such a pervert that you're making him perverted behind me," says Keiko, glaring at Yusuke.

Yusuke pulls himself, Keiko, and Kuwabara down onto his bed; he grins up at Kuwabara.

"Urameshi, we don't have time for this shit!" spits Kuwabara.

"Don't act so above it all, Kuwabara," smirks Yusuke. "I'll gladly come to school if we can have a bit of fun with Keiko first."

"Let go of us!" demands Keiko.

"You say that, Keiko," says Yusuke, still looking deep into Kuwabara's eyes, "but you know he's excited about slamming himself deep into your nice ass."

"Don't lump me in with you, you sick freak!" counters Kuwabara hotly. "I know how to act around a woman."

"Ah," says Yusuke, grinding his hips into Keiko's, "but I don't know if Keiko can take both of us rubbing against her. She might become shameless."

Keiko's cheeks turn crimson as she stifles a moan.

"See, Kuwabara: look at what you're doing to her," continues Yusuke.

"You're the one doing this shit!" snarls Kuwabara.

"Quit speaking as if you aren't enjoying yourself behind her, Kuwabara," says Yusuke.

Panting, Keiko struggles to extricate herself from between Yusuke and Kuwabara.

Kuwabara's eyes widen as the friction from Keiko's struggle and Yusuke's continued grinding causes him...to release.

Keiko elbows Kuwabara, forcing the taller delinquent off as Yusuke, also sated, releases Kuwabara; she then punches Yusuke in the gut. "Now I'm going to be late because of you, Yusuke! I have to change uniforms." Flustered, Keiko exits Yusuke's room and leaves the apartment.

Kuwabara struggles to his feet, seething at Yusuke. "Why the fuck did you do that!?" he sputters.

"To get a rise out of you," says Yusuke as he stands and heads to his dresser to style his hair. "Besides, beating you up gets boring after a while: I did it one hundred fifty-six times," he adds, combing his hair into his familiar pompadour. "I thought I'd try something different."

"So your idea of amusement is to force me to help you dry-rape your friend!?" Kuwabara fumes.

"Quit taking life so seriously," snorts Yusuke. "You only have one shot at it, so why not have some fun?" He leaves his room.

"That man has such twisted logic," mutters Kuwabara, his cheeks flush as he glances down at his pants. "I'll have to fucking change, too." Kuwabara exits Yusuke's room.


	10. Elixir 3

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **3**_ : It'd be a waste if Kuwabara dies.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

A Meioh Academy third-year student slumps into a chair, next to his schoolmates.

"What's with you, boss?" asks a schoolmate.

"Urameshi's alive," says the first student.

"The bastard was hit by a car!" balks the second student. "No one survives that shit!"

"He did, Tarukane," scowls the first student, glaring at the second student, "and that guy is the only one who can keep men like Kuwabara in check."

"Yeah," snorts a third student, "and even then, Kuwabara just comes back for more-it isn't a secret how durable he is. A truck wouldn't even put a dent in that guy."

"Let's not exaggerate," spits the first student. "Kuwabara can be killed. In fact, Hanma," he continues to the third student, "that's what we'll have to do, in order to restore order here at Meioh."

A fourth student nods. "With Aoyama _-san_ being expelled...and dead," he says, "we don't have any money backing us."

"And our hardest hitters haven't shown up to school in three weeks," adds a fifth student.

"Ayanokoji, Kozono: that's barely relevant at this point. The fact is," says the first student, "that we need to take out Kuwabara's pack at Sarayashiki, before they get serious. The only way to do that is to kill Kuwabara."

"Why?" scoffs Hanma. "They're just a bunch of assholes who get into fistfights.

"Kuwabara's men were able to barge into our school and beat the shit out of our toughest guys-along with several girls, including Aoyama _-san_ ," says the first student. "They made us look worthless as a gang, and they didn't even have Kuwabara with them."

"Let's get a gun," says Tarukane. "A shot to the head."

"That's good," says the first student, "but hold off on that as a last resort."

One more Meioh student drags in a rather-irritated schoolmate. The latter, a blond with blue-gray eyes, scowls at the group as he frees himself from the student's grip.

The first student returns the scowl. "Don't act like you're above us all of a sudden, Yokosuka," he sneers at the blond, adjusting his glasses. "We're all in the same boat."

"Shimamura hung herself," says the sixth student, trembling as he presents a letter to the first student.

The first student takes the letter. "Why would she do that?" he asks.

"It's in that note," spits the sixth student, "but it's a damned mess. She sucked off some guy who blackmailed her," he continues, summarizing the note's contents, "and the guy basically ordered her to kill herself. Somehow this guy-who isn't even identified in the letter-killed Shimamura's friends...and ours."

"This is crazy!" hisses Tarukane.

"This is actually amusing, Sohma. According to this note," smirks the first student, "our friends' killer was retaliating for their behavior towards Mizuno _-san_ last spring-which got them and Shimamura _-san_ 's group expelled along with Aoyama _-san_."

"Then we ought to let matters alone, Sohma," shrugs Yokosuka to the sixth student. "The karmic cycle of retribution can be brutal."

"The killer was from our school," says Kozono. "We have to make an example of him."

"If some little cocksucker from here killed our toughest guys," says Tarukane, "then we need to find him and make him pay."

"Who's going to take us seriously after what happened last spring?" asks the first student. "It's clear that no one fears us anymore."

"This affects you too, Yokosuka-along with us," says Sohma. "We have to stand in this together."

"I'm not wasting my time with Kuwabara," says Yokosuka. "You jackasses do as you like." He leaves the group.

"If we kill Kuwabara, then we break the back of his sorry gang, and we'll be respected again," says the first student.

"I take it you've got a plan," says Hanma.

"Of course," smirks the first student, beckoning to his gang members.

* * *

"Urameshi's challenging me to a fight?" asks Kuwabara, staring at the ransom letter-styled note in disbelief. "Why would he bother writing a note," he asks, "let alone all of this cloak and dagger crap?"

"Who knows?" snorts Sawamura. "The guy barely attends school-he's got to have a lot of time on his hands."

"Yeah," muses Kirishima, touching his chin, "but the boss is right: Urameshi wouldn't bother with a note if he wanted to pick a fight. I sense a trap."

"Urameshi wouldn't bother with traps or ambushes, either," says Kuwabara. "But if I don't show up," he continues, "word will get around that I'm some kind of coward. None of us need that shit."

"We should at least figure out who's trying to set the trap, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo.

"Yeah; if you're knowingly going in alone," adds Sawamura, "then don't go in blind and get your cock caught in your zipper-know what I mean?"

Kuwabara nods. "Sawamura," he says, "talk to Minakami and get him to pick Tooyama's brain. Tooyama controls all of the morons at Kasenagafuchi, so we'll put a stop to their bullshit quick if it's just them again. Okubo," Kuwabara continues, "you and Kirishima have the job of rousting out the other gangs in our area."

Sawamura, Okubo, and Kirishima nod.

"Let me know what you find out by four-thirty," says Kuwabara. "Meet me outside the _jukan_."

"Damn. Shizuru _-san_ 's making you go, huh?" asks Sawamura.

Kuwabara snorts as he nods, annoyed.

"She's a stickler for priorities," grins Kirishima.

"Let's move," says Okubo. He leaves Sarayashiki Middle with Kirishima. Kuwabara leaves after them, headed in the opposite direction.

Shrugging, Sawamura heads toward Minakami, who sits on his haunches as he tapes his knuckles.

* * *

Minakami pauses his work and looks up at Sawamura as the latter approaches.

Sawamura trembles slightly as he returns Minakami's gaze, unnerved by the intensity in Minakami's eyes. "Are you...getting ready for a bout?" he asks.

Minakami nods. "I don't want to do it," he says, "but I need the money to travel to America for real training. The underground crap is a means to an end."

" _Oi_ ," grins Sawamura, "my money's always on you, man."

"Just spit it out," says Minakami as he resumes taping his knuckles.

"Do you or Tooyama know anything Kasenagafuchi's planning for my boss this week?" asks Sawamura.

Minakami sighs. "I'll ask, but of all of those guys," he says, "only Ouji's pack is stupid enough to cross Heitai. Any reason behind this?"

"Obvious trap," says Sawamura. "Urameshi supposedly challenged my boss to a fight."

Minakami rises to his feet and walks off. "Let's meet with Tooyama together, then," he says.

* * *

"Ouji isn't that elaborate," says Tooyama. "Besides, he tried ambushing Kuwabara before," he adds with a grin, "and got the shit kicked out of him."

"So we can safely rule out any of my boss' enemies from Kasenagafuchi," says Sawamura.

"Yeah," says Tooyama. "Also, that ransom letter crap sounds like it's out of a cheesy movie."

Minakami nods. "I thought so," he says. "These guys after Kuwabara are new to this: probably some dumbasses trying to establish themselves."

"Why not try to take Urameshi?" asks Sawamura. "Why my boss?"

"One," says Tooyama, "these guys are new, not suicidal. Even Ouji isn't that stupid. Two, Urameshi doesn't lead a gang; he's a lone wolf. As a gang leader," he adds, "your man Kuwabara's a potential rising star."

"So these mystery guys want to snuff out the boss' light before he can shine?" asks Sawamura, glaring at the ground.

"You four guys want to play delinquent," says Minakami, "so this is the price you pay."

"Everyone wants to fuck up the guy climbing to the top," adds Tooyama, his expression serious. "It'd be a waste if Kuwabara dies."

"What about those bastards you, Kirishima, and Okubo fought last spring?" asks Minakami.

"The gang at Meioh?" asks Sawamura. "They never had a reputation," he adds. "Up until last spring, they were pretty quiet: just a pack of eleven rich assholes who kept to themselves."

"Yeah," says Tooyama, "and Okubo broke down their school's door, then you three barged into their school and beat the shit out of five of them and the girls they were with."

"They were trying to fuck with a friend of ours at Meioh," says Sawamura. "Those asses are lucky it was just the three of us."

"Guys like that expect to rule schools like Meioh," says Minakami. "If a pack of assholes from another school-a 'low-class' school like ours or Kasenagafuchi at that-come charging in to places like Meioh and doing what they like, it would make them feel threatened."

"We can confirm all of this," says Tooyama. "Let's talk to Jou." He walks off, followed by Minakami and Sawamura.

* * *

At the _jukan_ , Kuwabara glowers at the clock on the wall. _Damn, this stupid class is dragging,_ he says to himself. _I'm already fifteen minutes late, and I fucking hate the math section._

The class ends moments later; Kuwabara packs his books and exits the classroom, then leaves the building. He picks up a simplified origami bird and unfolds it, revealing a letter.

"That was nice of Matsuura," says Kuwabara aloud as he pockets the note. "My men wouldn't have thought of leaving me a message to let me know they were prompt."

Kuwabara sighs. "Let's get this crap over with," he mutters as he walks off.

* * *

"You're being stupid about all of this," scowls Yokosuka.

"I don't think so," counters Minakami. "Kuwabara's a schoolmate of mine, and he doesn't deserve what those assholes at your school have planned for him."

Yokosuka smirks. "And what do you think they have planned for him, Mario?" he asks.

"They're probably going to kill him," says Tooyama, returning the smirk. "Rich bastards like them can just buy off the police, who wouldn't give a shit about Kuwabara."

Yokosuka's eyes widen; he trembles. "I can't stand you sometimes, Heitai," he spits. "The thing is: I don't know where they're planning the hit. They might have already killed him by now..." adds Yokosuka, a pained expression of guilt.

"Sorry men like them aren't capable of killing Kuwabara," counters Minakami, adjusting his red hat.

"Kuwabara _-san_ 's going to the haunted alley near Shiba Middle," says Matsuura gently.

"'Haunted alley'? wonders Tooyama.

"That's what kids call Odaigo Court," says Matsuura. "A lot of ghosts and _yokai_ are there. At least that's what kids believe."

"That was the address on the letter," says Tooyama, "and it's outside Kuwabara's territory, so he has no backup."

"Then we need to change that," says Minakami. "Let's go!" He rushes off.

"That's Mario, all the way," says Nemoto as he arrives, out of breath.

"You're late, Baremoto," says Tooyama.

Nemoto snorts. "I got stuck helping Yukimura _-san_ clean the school today," he says.

"You didn't try to make a move on her, did you?" asks Yokosuka.

"What makes you say that?" asks Nemoto, wary.

"The handprint on your face, dumbass," says Tooyama. "Yukimura _-san_ is the only person who can hit Urameshi and walk away without bruises and missing teeth."

"Quit fucking around. We need to stop Mario," says Nemoto. "The ass is always rushing in without a plan."

Tooyama sighs. "Baremoto, you and Cabbage need to get Turtle. Jou and I will round up some backup."

"Sure," shrugs Nemoto. "I'm no good in fights like that anyway. Besides," he continues, "if Kuwabara's enemy is from a rich school, I have no intention of being involved."

Yokosuka rolls his eyes, watching as Nemoto leaves with Matsuura.

"I'll get my men together, along with the other idiots at Kasenagafuchi," says Tooyama.

"You keep this up, Heitai," grins Yokosuka, "and we'll have to start calling you 'Shogun'."

"So be it," says Tooyama. "This world can't afford to lose men like Kuwabara _again_ because of stupid shit."

Yokosuka winces.

"So, if you know of anyone in Shiba who might be able to help Kuwabara," Tooyama continues, "let's hear it."

Yokosuka sighs, irritated. "Shiba Middle doesn't have a reputation," he says. "We're going to Shiba High." Yokosuka walks off.

Tooyama blinks, then follows Yokosuka.

* * *

Unable to move or dodge, Kuwabara continues to endure a brutal beating from five Meioh students.

"You see," sneers a sixth student, the group's leader, "I've done my research, Kuwabara."

Kuwabara glares at Meioh's gang leader.

"For some inane reason," the leader continues, adjusting his glasses as he admires his gang's continuing handiwork, "you suffer a seizure or paralysis whenever you're in proximity to ghosts, monsters, or _yokai_. How anyone believes such childish bullshit is anybody's guess," he adds, "but your faith has placed you at my mercy."

"F...fuck you...!" spits Kuwabara, glaring at the leader.

"Is that an invitation, Kuwabara?" asks the leader, leering down at Kuwabara. "You actually aren't that bad looking, you know: just insolent and surly."

Kuwabara snickers ruefully. "Is that what it is...?" he asks mockingly.

"You don't know your place," says the leader curtly. "I am a specialist..." he continues, "...at teaching low-bred scum their place!" As his gang turns Kuwabara on his side, the leader begins kicking Kuwabara's ribs.

Kuwabara's eyes widen from the pain; he glowers at the six assailants as he endures their brutal assault.

"This bastard's too fucking durable, chief," spits one of the attackers, Hanma.

"I'm getting tired, boss," adds Tarukane, out of breath. "Let me just shoot him."

"No," spits the leader. "One, guns are illegal in Japan," he continues, "and two, I want Kuwabara to die _slowly_."

"At this rate..." chuckles Kuwabara, "I'll die of old age...before you dumbasses kill me..."

The leader halts his attack while the others continue beating Kuwabara; he gives Kuwabara a savage glare. "You dare to give me that look," he hisses. "You dare to insult me."

"Why not...?" smiles Kuwabara, gritting his teeth through the pain. "You're pathetic...to be so afraid of me..."

"Beat him," seethes the leader. "Beat him until he screams, then beat him until he dies."

The other Meioh delinquents pause, slip on sets of brass knuckles, nod to their leader, then resume their attack on Kuwabara.

* * *

"Those assholes are so slow!" snorts Ouji as he and his gang join the rest of Kasenagafuchi's delinquent population at a park across from Shiba Middle. "Open season on Kuwabara's sorry ass ended weeks ago."

"Yeah," snorts Amano, standing with his own small gang, "and you were shining."

"That black eye of yours was shining, anyway," adds Akise.

"Shut up and fall in, you first-year asses," orders Tooyama, scowling at Ouji and Amano. "We have to engage in some diplomacy in order to save Kuwabara."

"Hold on, Tooyama _-tono_ ," says Ouji. "Why are we bothering to save that dumbass?"

Tooyama punches Ouji in the face. "Does anyone with a functional brain have any questions?" he asks.

The other Kasenagafuchi delinquents shake their heads vigorously.

Yokosuka sighs; Sawamura and Kirishima grin.

Okubo scowls. "I fucking hate Saitou," he mutters.

"I don't care," says Tooyama. "Suck that shit up if you want to save your boss, Okubo."

"I don't need any lectures from you, Tooyama," says Okubo. "Kuwabara _-san_ is my friend."

Ouji slowly rises to his feet.

"To put it in terms even Ouji can understand," says Tooyama, "we need to put the fear of the gods into their hearts. Yokosuka's man, Saitou," he continues, "who his men call the 'Ice King', won't give a fuck about the police. Under his command, the men at Shiba High have never lost a fight."

"So we move in on this guy so we can be the first to have beaten his gang?" asks Ouji.

Yokosuka smiles thinly. "I'll field that one, Tooyama," he says as he punches Ouji.

"Yokosuka," says Tooyama, shaking his head as he watches Ouji rub his jaw, "is a probationary member of Saitou's gang."

"That just means he ain't a real member yet," says Ouji, dubious.

"I hate to agree with Ouji," says Amano, "but I'm not sensing a lot of trust from Saitou if you aren't really in with him."

"I haven't had a chance to prove myself yet," scowls Yokosuka, "and I'm still in middle school. Once I graduate from Meioh and go to Shiba High," he continues, "then I'll be able to prove myself to Saitou _-sempai_ officially."

Sawamura shrugs. "He likes you so far, man. You're smart, you're a pretty boy, and you can sing," he says.

"I don't think he'll appreciate the fact that I'm imposing on him," counters Yokosuka.

* * *

 _I don't get it...!_ Kuwabara hisses mentally. _They're hitting me hard enough to break bones...! Why won't they just stop..!? Why won't my fucking bones crack so these assholes can finish getting their rocks off and end it already..!?_

"Get up, Kuwabara," says a serious-faced high school student, studying Kuwabara.

Kuwabara stares at the student, noting the student's...translucent appearance. "Just what...I need..." he hisses inaudibly, "...another ghost..."

"A man like you can't die from this," continues the ghost student, combing his hair into a pompadour, which changes from a dark brown to a bright red.

Kuwabara blinks, recognizing the ghost. "S-saku...ragi _-sempai_...?" he wonders aloud. _I must be dying..._ Kuwabara muses, _to see him again..._

"What are you rambling about, trash?" scoffs the leader, walking through Sakuragi.

After passing through Sakuragi, the leader shivers a moment, gripped by an unknown sense of fear.

Sakuragi grips the leader's shoulder, then whispers in the leader's ear.

The leader, shrugging off Sakuragi's hand, fixes a livid scowl on Kuwabara. "I think I'll kill you personally, scum," he says, about to attack Kuwabara. "Consider it an undeserved honor."

"Dying at the hands of a pack of cowards is no honor," says Minakami, tapping the leader on his shoulder.

"Eh?" balks the leader as he turns to face Minakami. The other five Meioh students stop their attack on Kuwabara and stare at the newcomer.

Minakami punches the leader. "But, then," he smirks, "cowardice is all you can understand. Isn't that the truth...Ishihara?"

The leader, Ishihara, touches his bruised cheek as he stares at Minakami in raw shock.

* * *

"Come on," Minakami grins, taunting the group. "Show me you're men: fight a target who can fight back."

"We'd be crazy to fight Minakami," says Tarukane, his voice a strangled whisper. "He's a trained pugilist."

"I've bet on him," adds Hanma, "and he's made me a lot of money. I'm not fucking with him."

Ishihara collects himself, adjusting his glasses. "'Minakami', is it?" he asks sedately, slipping off his brass knuckles.

"Minakami Ryoma," says Minakami. "You asses have made your point. Back away from Kuwabara," he continues, "or you'll all remember my name."

"Oh," says Ishihara, a gruesome smile spreading across his face, "I recall your name well, Minakami..."

Minakami studies Ishihara, wary as Ishihara's gang flank him.

"Unless you have a twin, though," Ishihara continues, "you're not using your _real_ name...Minakami Mario."

Minakami struggles to keep his face neutral.

"I know well the name of the man who killed my father," says Ishihara.

Minakami blinks, then laughs raucously. "Kill _him_!?" he balks. "I beat the shit out of him, yeah," he adds, a bitter smile on his face, "but that ass you call a father was strung out on heroin, like the sorry bum he really is. You really think I would waste my freedom on killing him?"

"The truth," says Ishihara, "would depend on you, Minakami."

"What do you mean?" asks Minakami.

"Allow us to finish our business here," says Ishihara, "and you can continue to be free. But if you continue your interference," he adds, "I'll expose you and your cohorts from block two, cell six of Shonan Reformatory School as the sorry pack of fugitives you are."

Minakami glowers at Ishihara.

"You...and that piece of shit Sakuragi," continues Ishihara, "unless you mind your own fucking business."

"Disappointing," sighs Minakami, giving Ishihara an abrupt, yet gentle smile.

Ishihara blinks at Minakami.

"You were doing so well," Minakami continues, "until you decided to drag Sakuragi _-sempai_ into your bullshit!" He punches Ishihara in the face, then delivers a body blow before Hanma, Sohma, and Kozono grab Minakami.

"You trash!" spits Ishihara. "I'll deal with you after I dispose of Kuwabara."

"Why are you...so fucking scared of me...?" grins Kuwabara.

"Shut the fuck up!" shrieks Ishihara, kicking Kuwabara's skull.

"Forget it, asshole!" says Nemoto, standing with Matsuura and a short first-year student from Saint Mary's Private Boys School with freckles and reddish-brown hair. "Not even Urameshi's fists could crack Kuwabara's dense cranium."

"Nemoto, you sorry fuck..." hisses Kuwabara. "You've got a lot of balls...to go insulting me with your backhanded compliments..."

"So," sneers Ishihara, noting Nemoto, "all of the trash from Shonan Reformatory is here."

"You could say that," smirks Tooyama as he emerges from the shadows. "And truthfully, I'll go back to that hell if that's the price I have to pay for putting you and your sorry pack in your place."

"You won't do as you like," adds Matsuura with conviction.

"This doesn't concern any of you," spits Ishihara. "Why throw away your new, ill-gotten lives for Kuwabara?"

"I never said anything like that," scoffs Tooyama.

"But-you just said-*" blurts Ishihara, flabbergasted.

"You see," says Tooyama as the gangs of Kasenagafuchi Middle emerge from the shadows, "I'd personally just help Minakami beat the shit out of you and your crew. I don't expect Nemoto or Matsuura to do anything, and that little guy, Maeda," he continues, grinning at the short student, "would just bite your leg until he tears off flesh."

Maeda rolls his eyes at Tooyama good-naturedly.

"However," adds Tooyama, "these clowns standing with me have grown rather attached to me...and to Kuwabara, who keeps them sharp. Compared to him, none of you are worth shit."

"And as for the three of us," says Okubo, flanked by Sawamura and Kirishima, "I guess we're here to finish you guys off."

Ishihara whips out a switchblade. "Tarukane!" he spits. "Kill Kuwabara! Hanma, Ayanokoji, Kozono, Sohma: help me finish them!" Ishihara lunges at Minakami.

Tooyama raises a hand to stop the other gangs, then joins Minakami in the fight, along with Okubo, Sawamura, and Kirishima. Matsuura grabs Maeda while Nemoto studies the fight.

* * *

Tarukane pulls a pistol from his school jacket, pointing it at Kuwabara.

"Fuck!" hisses Nemoto, rushing to Kuwabara. "Fat bastard's got a gun!"

Tarukane chuckles. "This just means I kill you both, _megane-kun_ ," he sneers.

Nemoto, frantic, shakes Kuwabara. "Snap out of it!" he yelps. "Get the fuck up!"

"I...I can't...!" spits Kuwabara. "I...can't move...! Get away from me, Nemoto!"

"You ass! I'm not going to just let you die!" counters Nemoto.

A sudden blast of icy wind swirls around Tarukane, encasing the corpulent Meioh student head-to-toe in a thick mass of ice.

Ishihara stares wildly at the event. "What the-!?" he manages to blurt out.

Yokosuka walks in, gently twirling a folded bicycle chain.

"You're late, Yokosuka," says Ishihara, composing himself. "Tarukane's out of the game," he continues, still flustered as he nods toward the frozen Tarukane, "so if you want in with us, you'll end all of this."

Yokosuka approaches Ishihara, a coy, girlish smile on his face. "Is that what you want, Ishihara _-san_?" he asks softly, stroking Ishihara's cheek.

Ishihara grins crudely. "That's what I want," he says, leering down at Kuwabara.

"Then I'll do as you ask," says Yokosuka as he unfolds the bicycle chain...

...then starts to garrote Ishihara with it.

Ishihara barely manages to grab the chain, to prevent Yokosuka from asphyxiating him. "What are you doing...Yokosuka..!?" he demands.

"Ending all of this," says Yokosuka, a thin smile on his face.

Saitou and his gang enter the alley. "Please forgive us, gentlemen, for crowding this alley so much," he says; Saitou then swings a crowbar and smashes it into Tarukane's frozen head.

Ishihara frees himself from Yokosuka. "You backstabbing _ainoko_!" he sputters.

Yokosuka laughs. "You honestly thought you had me by the balls, you sorry fuck!?" he hisses, losing his mirthless smile as he knees Ishihara in his crotch, then kicks Ishihara to the ground. "You really thought I wanted to be in with your shitty group!?" Yokosuka adds, spitting at Ishihara.

Ishihara leaps at Yokosuka, pouncing on the blond and punching Yokosuka relentlessly; murder gleaming in his eyes. "Kill Kuwabara!" he orders, frothing at the mouth. "Forget the rest of these fucks and kill Kuwabara!"

Saitou and Nemoto help Kuwabara up, Kuwabara still trapped in his seizure.

"I'm...still stuck..." says Kuwabara, terrified. "Can't...move..."

Nemoto shakes his head. "You got him?" he asks Saitou.

Saitou nods.

"Good," says Nemoto. He tackles Ishihara, knocking the crazed Meioh student off Yokosuka.

Ishihara snarls at Nemoto.

"You wouldn't hit a fellow man wearing glasses," grins Nemoto boyishly, "would you, Ishihara _-kun_?"

Ishihara roars wordlessly, wrestling with Nemoto and pinning him to the ground. Just as he starts to punch Nemoto's face...

...Matsuura grips Ishihara's wrist, then flings Ishihara toward a pair of barrels.

Ishihara crashes into the barrels.

Minakami approaches Ishihara, picking up an abandoned sledgehammer; he brandishes the hammer at Ishihara. "Hanma!" he says. "You know what they call me in the ring!"

"Shit..." says Hanma, trembling.

"That's right," glowers Minakami. "I'm the 'Executioner from Hell', and I'm ready to bash this bastard's skull in!"

"N-no..." whispers Kuwabara. "M-minakami..."

"I can't continue to let you do this to yourself, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou quietly. He gives the back of Kuwabara's neck a sharp tap...

Kuwabara flails around as he abruptly regains movement...

...and the entire alley is filled with gold lightning, which shocks everyone, knocking them out. _Yokai_ and ghosts flee the alley to escape the lightning.

Kuwabara and Saitou alone remain standing.

* * *

Kuwabara, carrying Okubo on his back, knocks on the door to Okubo's home; Saitou stands next to him.

Okubo's mother answers. "Kazuma," she says. "I'm surprised. Keiichi has no bruises today," she adds.

Kuwabara grins. "That's right, Okubo _-san_ ," he says. "I'm the great bruise magnet: I take hits so that your son doesn't have to."

"Then why is he unconscious?" asks Okubo's mother, a concerned frown on her face.

Saitou smiles. "Your son fell asleep during a small fight Kazuma _-kun_ was in," he says. "Kazuma _-kun_ 's opponents weren't interesting at all," he continues, "so Keiichi _-kun_ got bored and dozed off."

"Is that right...?" wonders Okubo's mother, skeptical.

Kuwabara sighs, giving Saitou a baleful look. "Please let Keiichi rest for the night, Okubo _-san_ ," he says to her.

Okubo's mother pouts at Kuwabara, vexed. "I wish you and your friends could find ways to avoid so many fights, Kazuma-including my stubborn son," she says as she watches Kuwabara carry Okubo to his room.

Kuwabars places Okubo in a chair, then unfolds Okubo's futon.

"He's so much like his father," she continues, mussing Okubo's hair.

"It's a good thing he's asleep," says Kuwabara, pulling Okubo from the chair and laying him down onto the futon. "That's the last thing he wants to hear." He leaves Okubo's room, then exits Okubo's home with Saitou.

"It can't be helped," smiles Okubo's mom sadly. "It's simply the truth."

* * *

Kuwabara and Saitou continue their walk to Kuwabara's house.

Saitou offers Kuwabara some _**Pocky**_.

Kuwabara accepts, taking out a few sticks of _**Pocky**_. "Saitou _-sempai_ ," he says after eating the _**Pocky**_ , "how were you able to electrocute all of those guys?"

"I didn't do that, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou.

"Then...where did all of that energy come from?" asks Kuwabara.

"That was all you, white knight," smiles Saitou.

"What...?" wonders Kuwabara.

" _Kuwabara, kuwabara,_ " says Saitou, his hands folded in a mock prayer. "You called down the lightning to protect us from the storm."

The two delinquents reach Kuwabara's house.

Kuwabara sighs, noting Shizuru in the doorway. "Who's going to protect me from Shizuru _no taifun_?" he asks sardonically. He and Saitou approach the door.

"I don't know what you said about me to that guy, Kazu," says Shizuru as Kuwabara and Saitou reach the door, "but get your ass in this house now."

"I told him you were pissed off at me as usual, _aneki_ ," says Kuwabara, grinning boyishly as he gingerly steps past Shizuru and enters the house.

Shizuru folds her arms and stares at Saitou quizzically. "Why are you after my brother?" she asks flatly.

"If this is his battle, Kuwabara _-dono_ ," says Saitou lightly, touching Shizuru's chin, "then I think it's best to let Kazuma _-kun_ fight it on his own."

Shizuru stares at Saitou, trembling as she senses unseen power emanate from Saitou.

"You can't continue to hold him back," Saitou continues. "It's time to let him fly." He kisses Shizuru's cheek, then walks away.


	11. Elixir 4

**ELIXIR OF LIFE** _ **#4**_ : Why would this man bring a sword to a gunfight?

byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

Kuroda shakes his head dismissively, then storms out of the breakfast nook at Shuu's home.

"That was uncalled for," says Shin.

"What?" spits Shuu. "Stating the facts: that Kuroda needs a damn social life?"

Shin sighs.

"Honestly!" continues Shuu, fuming. "We were having a conversation, and he just cut in with random shit."

"There wasn't anything random about what he was saying," says Shin, annoyed. "In fact, it was so germane to our chat that I didn't even have to say anything else," he adds with a smirk.

"Kuroda...needs to aggravate someone else," says Shuu.

"This isn't the first time that you and Xiao _-san_ were caught doing something non-familial together," says Shin cannily. "Kuroda _-san_ 's just being more direct-which is what you can understand."

"All his nattering on about 'subtlety' and 'cunning'," sneers Shuu, a rueful grin on his face, "and at the end of the day, he's about as subtle as a truck."

"I think that's why you were always his favorite target," grins Shin. "Your fundamental temperaments are so similar that he could predict your every move."

"You and Kuroda can both kiss my ass," says Shuu. "I'm going to work, and after work, I'm taking a much-needed vacation."

"With Xiao _-san_ ," notes Shin. "To Tahiti."

"We need to spend some time together as family," says Shuu.

"Be honest, man," says Shin. "With yourself at least: who seriously takes his sister on a trip to Tahiti?"

"A really nice older brother?" asks Shuu.

Shin stands. "When you're ready to quit spewing bullshit at me," he says, "I'll be at home, or at one of my usual haunts. Call me." Shin leaves the breakfast nook.

Trembling, Shuu studies his spoon a moment; he then crumples it in his hand, scowling in frustration.

* * *

Irritated, Nephrite puts on his trousers, scowling at Jadeite. "You can't be the pitcher anymore," he says.

Jadeite glowers down at the bed. "You're just upset because I went into you raw," he says curtly as he dons his uniform. "I thought that's what you had wanted."

"And I thought you knew what the fuck you were doing!" spits Nephrite, slipping on his shirt and uniform jacket.

"I _do_ know what I'm doing! And I know you're not just whining about sex being a bit rougher than normal," counters Jadeite.

"Your impatience will be your undoing, Jadeite," says Nephrite, sighing.

"I don't recall soliciting your advice," sneers Jadeite. "Besides, I've gathered a great deal of energy for Beryl _-sama_. That's all that matters."

"Your results are shit, Jadeite, and deep down," says Nephrite, "you know it."

"Silence!" roars Jadeite.

"Your efforts draw far too much attention from, shall we say, obnoxiously-interested opponents in shameless sailor costumes," says Nephrite.

"So what!?" spits Jadeite. "I can take out a stupid cunt like Sailor Moon."

"You brought Sailors Moon, Mars, and Mercury onto yourself when you used your inefficent tactics," counters Nephrite. "The vast extent of your energy dragnet pretty much guarantees that at least one of your potential victims could be a _senshi_ -undermining all of your goals."

* * *

Yamanouchi rises from his knees, towering over his boss, Inoue. "So," he says slowly, "I am not to work today."

"Yeah," says Inoue, adjusting his glasses. "It's your day off." He hands Yamanouchi a schedule.

"Then...what am I to do?" asks Yamanouchi.

"I'm not sure," says Inoue, staring at Yamanouchi. "I guess whatever you do when your shift ends normally."

"To be blunt, Inoue _-dono_ ," says Yamanouchi, "I drink and visit houses of ill repute."

Inoue chuckles. "Thankfully, your work ethic is better than my last two clerks who liked those activities," he grins. "Of course, they weren't as old-fashioned as you are," he continues, "but you can't really help it: it's that Kyushu air."

"I guess," says Yamanouchi. "In any event, I will take my leave."

Inoue's wife enters the office of the _**Ai Mart**_ as Yamanouchi starts to exit.

"Inoue _-dono_ ," says Yamanouchi to Inoue's wife. "Please excuse me."

"It's good to see you, Naotoki _-kun_ ," says Inoue's wife. "May I speak with you a moment?"

Yamanouchi starts to answer...but Inoue's wife grabs Yamanouchi's arm before he can answer and escorts him to the checkout counter.

"What would you have of me, Inoue _-dono_?" asks Yamanouchi after studying Inoue's wife.

Inoue's wife smiles brightly, her eyes shining behind her glasses. "Naotoki _-kun_ ," she coos, "would you like to make some extra money?"

"That would help me with rent," says Yamanouchi quizzically, "and get my elitist shit of a landlord off my ass. What is the task?"

"For you, I'm sure it will be no trouble at all..." grins Inoue's wife.

* * *

"I'll kill them sooner or later," seethes Jadeite. "And I've pleased the queen."

"That bitch always wants more, you know that? She'll never be satisfied," says Nephrite. "Beryl's so needy; I can't stand it!"

"I see where this is going," sighs Jadeite, massaging Nephrite's shoulders. "You're upset because I'm on field duty-and as you well know, I'm not like Zoisite _-kun_ and Kunzite _-sama_ : I don't mix business with pleasure."

"I don't like you like that," snorts Nephrite as he relaxes. "We're both just convenient tools to slake each other's urges."

"Undoubtedly," says Jadeite. "Nonetheless, that's my general ground rule."

"One you'd probably break if you cornered Sailor Moon alone," says Nephrite.

Jadeite gives Nephrite a crude grin. "There's no probability about it, my friend. If I ever catch that one alone again," he continues, "I will punish her body-and make her worship me."

"Are you going to be that rough with her?" says Nephrite. "Sailor Moon and the other two are obviously virgins."

"Prancing about in those brazen little uniforms?" sneers Jadeite.

"Think about it: if girls with bodies like theirs had boyfriends addressing their needs," says Nephrite, "do you think they'd waste their free time fucking up our plans?"

"Then, since you want to help me so much, we should catch the three of them and lock them in a room with some horny and drunk young men," says Jadeite.

"I can't begin to tell you the numerous ways that your plan won't work," scowls Nephrite. "The proper way is to ascertain the cunts' true identities, locate a boyfriend for each one, and then-with proper use of our powers-have the fellows rut the three of them."

"You say that because you're a predator who likes the thrill of the hunt," says Jadeite. "You enjoy stalking people and toying with their emotions."

"My tactics are more effective," says Nephrite.

"But they take too damned long," countered Jadeite.

"Having a mob of assholes gang-rape the _senshi_ will only make them more determined to strike us down," spits Nephrite. "As tempting as it is to make them suffer, they will know that we're responsible."

"Especially since admittedly, I'd be admiring the view," Jadeite snickers.

Nephrite joins Jadeite in laughing. "If not joining in yourself," he scoffs.

"I want those bitches to feel me coming," spits Jadeite, a manic grin on his face.

* * *

"I now see why you travel early mornings here," grins Sasaki, rubbing his belly. "And I taste it, too."

"Breakfast in finest company," says Seiji as he stands, "shared with friends."

"But you two can't stay long," says Makoto, kissing Seiji on his cheek. "I have to go to my new school."

Seiji blushes slightly, touching his cheek.

"For good luck throughout your day," says Makoto as she packs away her _obento_ , then hands Seiji and Sasaki an _obento_ box each.

"You are too kind, Makoto _-dono_ ," says Sasaki, bowing after he stands.

"It's nothing," says Makoto bashfully. "I made too much again," she adds, noting a stack of _obento_ boxes.

Seiji chuckles. "Shuu _-san_ and Kuroda _-kun_ will take care of these," he says, nodding to Sasaki as he takes part of the stack of _obento_ boxes.

Sasaki grabs the rest. "Indeed," he adds, "Kuroda _-dono_ eats like a starving wolf," continues Sasaki, "yet he's so thin that I've always wondered where his food goes."

"Kuroda _-kun_ just has a huge appetite," says Seiji, "and Shuu _-san_ has another excuse to let Kuroda _-kun_ annoy him." He shakes his head.

"Please give Kuroda _-dono_ time, Date _-san_ ," sighs Sasaki as Makoto picks up her school satchel and leaves her apartment. "These matters are all still too new...for any of us."

"You're all doing well," says Seiji. "Hell, the fact that Kuroda _-kun_ actually left the house is a promising sign."

"That was more due to Fuan _-dono_ being aggravated than any internal initiative," says Sasaki. "Kuroda _-dono_ hates to be told he's wrong when he's right," he continues, "and you have no idea how inexorable he can be when he knows himself to be right."

"How often is he right?" asks Seiji.

"Almost all of the time," says Sasaki. "However, he expresses himself very poorly. Either he's too subtle," he continues, "and his point is lost to the listener, or he's too blunt..."

"...and the listener tunes him out," says Seiji. "I think I'm in the latter category."

"I suppose he speaks of your feelings toward Makoto _-dono_ ," says Sasaki, "though that would be evident to a blind man."

"I...won't question you on that," says Seiji wryly, briefly setting his stack of _obento_ boxes on a table as he opens the door to Makoto's apartment. "After all," he adds, grabbing the stack of _obento_ boxes, "you are an expert on blind men and what they can see." Seiji studies Sasaki as he holds the door open.

"True," muses Sasaki, taking his stack of _obento_ boxes to the door. "The blind can see things that we sighted men refuse to see at times." He exits the apartment and heads down the stairs.

Seiji smiles, setting down his stack of _obento_ boxes, then locks the door to Makoto's apartment. _Kojirou-dono,_ he says to himself, _I'm sure you were always proud of your brother-even when he was a loud maniac._ Picking up his stack of _obento_ boxes, he follows Sasaki down the stairs to the SUV.

* * *

"That plan is pure masturbation, Jadeite: pleasurable, but ultimately counterproductive," says Nephrite.

"Nephrite's quite the expert regarding those matters, Jadeite," says Zoisite as he appears from a flurry of _sakura_ petals.

"We've offered to take care of him for you," adds Kunzite, a lopsided grin on his face, "but he's so insufferably stubborn."

"I wouldn't dirty my piss with the two of you," glowers Nephrite, stalking off to fume in a corner.

"Please don't take Nephrite's words to heart, Kunzite _-sama_ ," says Jadeite. "The North American division is notoriously uncultured in regards to bodily needs."

"Don't presume that I care about Nephrite's worthless opinions," says Kunzite. "As obnoxious and hypocritical as he is, though," he continues, "his advice might be of some use."

Jadeite glares at Nephrite a moment, then turns his glare to Kunzite.

"Nephrite is correct," continues Kunzite, his voice even. "We don't want to draw any more enemies to our presence."

Nephrite quickly leaps into Kunzite's face. "I was in the middle of advising Jadeite myself," he hisses.

"This is Jadeite's task," says Kunzite, unfazed by Nephrite. "You would do well to remember this, and reign in your competitive urges."

"Go fuck Zoisite," snorts Nephrite.

Kunzite smirks. "If for no other reason than to instruct Jadeite on the proper way to please a partner with a virgin ass," he says, "I will gladly comply with your inane request." He starts to remove Zoisite's uniform; Zoisite coyly toys with Kunzite's trousers.

Nephrite stares balefully at Kunzite and Zoisite a moment, then turns to Jadeite. "It's getting...unpleasant in here," he says. "If you have any ideas, Jadeite, that don't involve inefficient mass energy collection drives, then you know where to find me." Nephrite disappears.

Jadeite scowls. "He's...so arrogant," he spits. "And transparent!"

"It's true that he wants your job," says Zoisite.

"However," adds Kunzite, "Nephrite is not stupid enough to sabotage your efforts-as we four share the same goal. His offer to aid you-in service to our goals-is genuine."

* * *

Outside Juuban Middle, Kuroda approaches Ami as she exits the school with Usagi and Makoto.

Ami stares at Kuroda. "Why are you here, Kuroda _-kun_?" she asks.

"Let's go on an outing together, _kunoichi_ ," smiles Kuroda.

"Are you...asking me out on a date...?" wonders Ami, confused.

"Yes!" grins Kuroda. "That is what you call these jaunts. I tend to forget the proper forms in this age."

"What other age could he be talking about?" whispers Makoto to Usagi.

"I know," says Usagi. "Kuroda _-kun_ sounds like an old man, but he doesn't look much older than Mamoru or Seiji _-san_."

"Who's headed this way..." sighs Makoto as Seiji approaches the group.

"Please," says Seiji, smiling at the three Juuban Middle students, "let me speak with Kuroda _-san_ a moment." He pulls Kuroda away.

"I'll say that Kuroda _-kun_ is kind of weird, and definitely a creepy stalker," says Makoto, "but he's also cute. You could have attracted worse."

"I didn't intend to attract him," says Ami, "and I don't think Kuroda _-kun_ intends to harm me."

Makoto laughs. "You're right," she grins. "He's harmless."

* * *

"Don't let Shuu _-san_ get to you," says Seiji flatly.

"It's alright," says Kuroda. "Fuan _-kun_ was only speaking his mind, as he always does."

"I don't want you to push yourself," says Seiji. "Besides, you said yourself that your interest in Mizuno _-san_ was platonic."

"Yes," says Kuroda, "but how can I learn the ways of this age when I'm at home doing what I do at work: lurk in a corner and read?"

"Do you help the library patrons at all?" wonders Seiji.

"Actually, they find me refreshing," says Kuroda. "They think my coworkers are annoying."

Seiji touches his chin.

"It always helps to listen," Kuroda continues, "and to carefully observe what isn't being said. I wonder that they don't teach such in libraries."

"I'm sure it's a policy that your coworkers are following," says Seiji.

"Then it's a policy that needs to be changed," says Kuroda curtly. "My library is a private subscription library, frequented by patrons who know how to search for books for themselves."

"You chose your job perfectly," says Seiji wryly.

"And I have had four brazen maidens ask me to go on a date with them," continues Kuroda, "but I refused."

Seiji rolls his eyes.

"Truthfully, though," says Kuroda, "I shall have to love Mizuno _-dono_ from afar."

"Is there any woman you don't have to 'love from afar'?" asks Seiji, exasperated. "I know that has to be unsatisfying."

Kuroda's lips curl into a canny smile. "I have my sweet one," he says. "A young, flowering maiden who is my soul's betrothed. But she has every reason to hate and distrust me."

"Your soul's...? Does this have anything to do with the Youjekai?" asks Seiji.

"Yes," says Kuroda, a serious look in his visible eye. "I'll have to break my promise to myself," he adds inaudibly.

"What do you mean?" Seiji asks, confused.

"I will see you tonight...or tomorrow at dawn, if I have consummated matters," says Kuroda.

Seiji stares at Kuroda.

"As to you: no matter your words regarding Makoto _-dono_ ," continues Kuroda, "you know your own heart better than anyone, and you can't continue to deceive yourself or her. With regard to you, that is the end of the matter."

"If you say so," says Seiji balefully.

"Fuan _-kun_ , as usual," quips Kuroda with a smirk, "requires more repetition before he can accept simple truths." With that, he walks away.

"You'd think that he'd just let it go," groans Seiji aloud.

* * *

In the afternoon, Sasaki walks alone in the outskirts of Tokyo, lost in thought.

 _Oedo has grown dramatically,_ he muses, _enough to supplant Kyoto as Japan's capital in this age._

Sasaki chuckles, his eyes filled with mirth. _If Kouma-kun hadn't already died,_ he grins as he continues his thoughts, _the thought of his city being eclipsed by a village even punier than Owari Province would definitely drive him to seppuku._

Sasaki laughs aloud at his thoughts a moment, imagining Toshitada's reaction to the changes to Japan from the Sengoku period.

His laughter fading, Sasaki touches his chin.

 _He..._ continues Sasaki silently. _Kouma-kun died so bravely. Why...?_ he wonders. _What drove him to run so easily from me then?_

 _Kouma-kun always faced danger without fear, with bold arrogance even to his masters-even as Shutendouji,_ thinks Sasaki.

He smirks slightly. _Especially as Shutendouji, I should say,_ Sasaki continues to himself, _for Kouma-kun defied Arago himself-ironically, to bring honor to Arago: a creature without honor._

 _Kouma-kun's first thought when he came to himself was to reach out to us,_ Sasaki considers, _even though he knew-Kouma-kun had to know-that our first instinct as samurai was to drag him before Arago to hack him apart; that would have been true whether we possessed supernatural armor or not._

 _A master's authority is absolute,_ says Sasaki. _That is the first lesson driven into the bones of every samurai, from childhood. Treason is unforgivable, no matter the reason._

 _Yet Kouma-kun...he broke away. And, in the end,_ says Sasaki, _we followed him; we turned our back on Arago...and so easily._

 _It's rather unfair of us,_ muses Sasaki, _when Arago gave us each what we wanted; all he had asked in return was unwavering, unquestioning fealty. I have to wonder,_ he continues, _if any of us were ever suited to be samurai, with that in mind._

 _Naturally, Kuroda-dono would think I'm being an idiot,_ Sasaki says to himself, rolling his eyes. _Loyalty was always a matter of convenience for him. Yamanouchi-dono would recommend that I need to drink myself into a stupor, but that has never been my way._

 _Date-san says that Kuroda-dono has the most difficult time adjusting to this age: modern Japan; more than Yamanouchi-dono,_ continues Sasaki silently. _He thinks that I am handling my reacclimation to society well. But he is wrong._

Sasaki continues thinking on the conundrum: reconciling his new life with his past. _All of our hands are stained with blood, without exception,_ he says to himself.

 _Kouma-kun killed for pride and glory, and in the age we were born,_ Sasaki muses, _that was acceptable. Even then, he never killed wantonly or without cause. Kuroda-dono is a kinslayer, and that weighs heavily on his soul, he continues, but it was to protect his clan's honor. As to Yamanouchi-dono: except for that one accidental slaying, he has always killed only out of duty, even when he slew innocents._

 _Thus, when I consider their true selves,_ thinks Sasaki, _they are unchanged; for Kouma-kun, Kuroda-dono, and Yamanouchi-dono, there was no dishonor in turning their backs on Arago: they were in the right._

 _No,_ sighs Sasaki. _I alone am the reprobate. I took the lives of those men gladly, and without remorse-and would do so again,_ he says to himself darkly. _Of my own will, I donned the Yoroi no Yami and killed them._

 _From that moment, I knew that I-out of all of the Masho-needed a master. How can Date-san-knowing what he knows-believe in me?_ groans Sasaki silently. _How can he think me capable of living masterless, in this masterless society, when he knows that I killed men out of malice?_

 _If..._ Sasaki continues, _only Rin had..._ Sasaki stops walking as he stares at the commotion from a mansion.

A sea-green haired beauty in a pale blue kimono with a dark blue _obi_ rushes out of the mansion with a young, overweight man, headed towards the mansion's gate-pursued by a group of grotesque monsters.

Scowling, Sasaki leaps over the gate, entering the mansion grounds.

* * *

"Run!" cries the young man.

The beauty starts to turn back, concerned about the young man.

"Don't worry about me, you stupid girl!" shrieks the man. "Just run! Don't look ba-*" The man, gunned down, falls to the ground, dead.

The maiden trembles with sorrow, struggling to keep herself from crying as she resumes her run.

Sasaki rushes past the maiden and confronts the monsters; after drawing his _no-datchi_ , he swiftly cuts through them all. "Go, gentle _koorime_ ," he says. "Whether your enemy is human or _yokai_ , none shall harm you."

The maiden, confused, studies Sasaki a moment.

Several men, armed with machine guns, emerge from the mansion. They note Sasaki, who levels his _no-datchi_ at the group of gunmen.

"Why would this man bring a sword to a gunfight?" sneers a gunman.

"I was under the impression," says Sasaki, "that wielding those weapons is against the law in Japan. Am I mistaken?"

"Kill that idiot!" spits another gunman.

The gunmen fire at Sasaki...but the bullets bounce harmlessly off Sasaki, only damaging his clothes and revealing the base armor of his _yoroi_.

"The fuck!?" balks a third gunman.

"He's not wearing a helmet!" says the second gunman. "Aim for his head!"

"That won't do any good," says a voice from inside.

The second gunman turns toward the voice. "You...think this guy's a threat?" he asks.

"We'll deal with that man," says the voice. "You go back inside."

The three gunmen shrug, then enter the mansion.

The maiden rushes to Sasaki, who guards her as he levels his _no-datchi_ towards the figure exiting the mansion.

A tall, tanned man wearing sunglasses and a green trenchcoat emerges, with a smaller, thin, pale-skinned man with long, curly hair perched on the tall man's shoulders.

* * *

Jadeite scowls as he notes a group of young men surveying an abandoned lot. He pulls out a small device and flips it open.

Nephrite appears, wearing a pale yellow shirt and blue jeans. "Put that back," he orders. "Or did you miss my point about maintaining a low profile?"

"Why are men from your division here?" demands Jadeite as he pockets the device.

"My men are here, _your_ men are here, and Zoisite's cretins are nearby," spits Nephrite. "It's a small miracle that we haven't disrupted each other's plans."

"And what exactly _are_ your plans?" asks Jadeite. "You know I hate surprises."

"None for now," says Nephrite. "My division is doing simple intelligence gathering for me. When you fail the queen again," he continues, "I'll be ready to hit the ground running."

"Is that the reason behind your idiotic disguise?" sneers Jadeite. "You look like a character from that colorblind American cop show, _**Miami Vice**_."

"My disguise, as garish as it is, at least fits in with the surrounding area," counters Nephrite. "Let's not even talk about Kunzite's alter ego," he adds. "The idea of stealth is some kind of sad joke to him."

"What's wrong with being a Shiba High delinquent?" asks Jadeite.

"His disguise is his damned hat!" snarls Nephrite. "No wonder he used to work through that proxy of his, Danburite; I'm amazed that Sailor V hasn't killed him yet."

"He's keeping a very low profile, I suppose," quips Jadeite.

Nephrite pouts at Jadeite a moment. "What's your new plan?" he asks. "Any change in tactics?"

"A shift in objectives for now," says Jadeite, smug. "There's no point in continuing to attempt to gather energy until I eliminate the _senshi_."

"And how will you accomplish this?" asks Nephrite.

"During one of my previous efforts," says Jadeite, "I encountered a powerful young priestess at Hikawa Shrine: a girl named Hino Rei. If I can get Hino under my power," he continues, "then I'll have her dispatch the _senshi_ for me."

"Hm...Hikawa Shrine is where you first encountered Sailor Mars," says Nephrite soberly. "For all you know, this priestess you're plotting to brainwash could _be_ Mars."

"I won't dismiss the possibility," says Jadeite. "If Hino _is_ Sailor Mars," he adds, "then that makes it all the sweeter for my plans."

"So, what ploy will you use to turn Hino to our purposes?" muses Nephrite.

"Hino has strong desires toward a certain man," says Jadeite. "I will turn her with her emotions-and get a nice, hard lay in the process."

"That's good," says Nephrite, "because you've been off your game for a while."

Jadeite stares at Nephrite balefully.

"Don't let Her Majesty the Bitch get to you," continues Nephrite. "You're not a slave she can order around; you're a _tennou_ : one of the most powerful men in the universe."

"I am well-aware of this," says Jadeite tersely.

"Then conquer Hino," says Nephrite, "and regain your dignity."

"I must," smirks Jadeite. "I don't want you stealing my job."

Nephrite chuckles.

* * *

"You are both unarmed," says Sasaki calmly, sheathing his _no-datchi_.

"That was to make the fight more balanced," says the tall man. The small man, still perched on the tall man's shoulder, snickers at Sasaki and the maiden.

"What are your intentions toward this maiden?" Sasaki demands.

"That isn't your business," says the tall man.

"I have chosen to make it my business," counters Sasaki. "A man died to aid her escape," he continues, a determined look in his eyes, "and I will ensure that his death won't be in vain."

The tall man sighs, nodding slightly to the small man...

...who transforms himself into a sword, affixing himself onto the tall man's arm.

"You and your comrade are no longer human," notes Sasaki.

"That weakness had to be removed," says the tall man, "in order that I gain greater strength."

Sasaki swiftly draws his _no-datchi_ and readies himself for a fight.

"Don't be mistaken," says the tall man. "You are no match for me."

"Indeed," says Sasaki, smirking slightly. "You are far beneath me in ability. However," he continues, losing his smile, "that will not stay my hand-*" Sasaki narrowly dodges a lunge from the tall man.

"With all due respect," says the tall man, "you talk too much."

Sasaki snarls. "So be it," he spits as he attacks the tall man.

* * *

After five minutes of battle between him and Sasaki, the tall man delivers a brutal backhand to Sasaki, knocking the swordsman to the ground.

The maiden rushes to Sasaki, eyes filled with anguish.

Sasaki struggles to sit up, unconsciously summoning the Yoroi no Yami.

The tall man chuckles. "Ah. It's as I thought," he says. "You're one of those men who wear pieces of that cursed armor."

"Better that I be damned for it, then," says Sasaki, slowly rising to his feet, "than allow it to fall into the hands of other weak-willed fools."

"I have no use for armor that draws its strength from something as insubstantial as human emotion," says the tall man.

"Spoken like a true idiot who bartered his humanity away," says Sasaki, "to contort his flesh."

"This talentless flesh," says the tall man as his muscles double in size, "will break that armor, along with your bones." He swiftly closes in on Sasaki and gut-punches the samurai before he can react, forcing Sasaki to double over in pain.

Sasaki trembles as he tries to remain on his feet, conscious.

"Take pride in the fact that I was forced to use thirty-six percent of my power, and that you live to walk away," continues the tall man.

Sasaki spits at the tall man, his vision blurred. "Now who talks too much?" he asks sardonically.

The maiden stands between Sasaki and the tall man. "Please," she pleads. "Stop. I won't run away again," she continues, "just let this man live."

The tall man studies the maiden a moment...

...and the sword unfurls, reverting to its true form: the small man. The small man stretches his arms and enlarges his hands, gripping Sasaki with them; a few of the small man's distended fingers wrap themselves around Sasaki's neck, choking the samurai.

"Stop!" shrieks the maiden. "I said I would return; please stop...!"

"Show me," says the tall man, remorseless. "Show me, with your tears, how much you value this man's life."

The maiden's eyes widen; her body stiffens as she wills herself not to cry, surrounding herself with icy _ki_.

The small man snickers as he tightens his grip on Sasaki. "The little bitch is on to you, _otouto_ ," he crows.

 _There are still fools, even in this age, who value koorime tears,_ wonders Sasaki as he manages to cut the inside of the small man's hand with his _yoroi_ claw, forcing the small man to release him.

The small man draws his arms back to nurse his hand as Sasaki regains his footing...

...and Sasaki suddenly charges at the tall man, plunging his _no-datchi_ directly into the tall man's gut, then slicing upward before pulling the blade out.

The tall man grins as he clutches his gut to keep his viscera from spilling out. "I...was careless," he says. "You truly were...the more skilled swordsman...of the Sasaki clan."

Sasaki stares at the tall man.

The small man grins. "Don't be so surprised. My little brother," he says, nodding towards the tall man as he doubles over, his sunglasses dropping off his face, "was doing research on your armor as an option to beat the shit out of his opponents."

"And in so doing," says Sasaki, wary as he guards the maiden, "you learned my history, and that of the other three men who resided in Youjekai."

The tall man nods as he rises to his feet, his wounds healing. "And also about the other young men who joined the fight to stop your master's invasion of the Shinjuku district four years ago," he says.

"And where is _your_ master?" asks Sasaki. "If you and your brother are _yokai_ now," he continues, "then you have no personal interest in this maiden's tears. Only humans are interested in material wealth."

"Don't presume to speak for me," sneers the small man. "I like causing misery."

"Perhaps we just take pleasure in seeing the girl cry," says the tall man, smirking.

Sasaki studies the tall man, tracing the latter's facial features. His eyes widen with sudden recognition; they then narrow, glittering with cold, undiluted hate.

The tall man stares at Sasaki a moment.

Sasaki chuckles ruefully. "So," he mutters to his clawed hand, his voice almost a whisper, "this is what drew you out, Yami."

The maiden trembles in shock as her own _ki_ is absorbed by the air around the mansion. The whole area around the mansion grows cold, and darker than the blackest of nights.

"Yes," Sasaki hisses, " _he_ has returned to die at my hand forever: the very reason I first summoned you, oh damned _yoroi_ of mine. And I will kill you forever, vagrant," he glowers at the the now-confused tall man. "Your eternal damnation is for me, Anubis: the hound of hell, to hack you apart." Sasaki's _no-datchi_ crackles with black lightning as he begins a frenzied attack on the tall man, howling with wordless rage.

* * *

Rei yawns as she enters her bedroom; she sits on the bed, scowling.

After a moment, she sighs. "I suppose you won't show yourself unless I play your stupid game," she mutters as she slips into her bed.

Kuroda emerges from under the covers, reaches past Rei, and turns off the lamp on her nightstand.

Rei stares at Kuroda. "What are you...?" she asks, her words trailing off as Kuroda gently touches her lips with his index finger.

"We mustn't draw attention, you know," Kuroda whispers. "After all," he muses, his working eye twinkling with mischief, "you're not allowed to date until you're fifteen."

"I certainly won't defy my grandfather's orders with _you_ ," Rei hisses.

"Understandable," says Kuroda quietly. "But what of that fellow Chiba Mamoru," he continues, "that man who doesn't return your feelings at all?"

Rei scowls. "How would you know that?" she demands.

"How quickly you forget, my sweet one," says Kuroda as he leans over Rei, "the beautiful and blessed curse you've placed on us both."

"I remember you quite well, Kuroda Jirogorou," says Rei.

"Then you know," says Kuroda, stroking Rei's cheek, "that you have damned us both to inhabit a world unto ourselves: one without fraud and deceit."

Rei blushes. "And I also know that you're eager for my body," she says, trembling.

"This is true," says Kuroda, "but as you do know me well enough, and you are now of the age to understand," he continues soberly, "then you know that I will not take what I want...no matter how you ache for me to do so."

"Your arrogance knows no limit, Kuroda _-kun_..." starts Rei; her words fade into a soft moan...

...as Kuroda gently teases a breast beneath Rei's pajama shirt. "Am I mistaken, little one?" he smiles.

"I...you...!" gasps Rei, pouting at Kuroda.

"Let us deepen," Kuroda whispers into Rei's ear, "our wretched intimacy."

"Don't you dare!" spits Rei inaudibly.

" _That_ will come in time," says Kuroda, "when you are no longer a child, lovely one. I only mean that we must open our hearts enough," he continues, "to burn away all lies."

"Then why are you...?" wonders Rei, sighing as Kuroda kisses her neck.

"To soothe the coming pain for you," says Kuroda, "the price one pays for the truth." He slips his hands inside Rei's pajama pants.

Rei shudders, barely able to stifle a cry of pleasure from Kuroda's touches.

 _Sweet one,_ says Kuroda silently as he kisses Rei, _let me love you a bit, to make up for what you know in your heart you will never receive from that man Chiba._

Rei breaks the kiss, her eyes shimmering with unasked questions...and newfound lust.

"To open your heart's eyes," says Kuroda, gazing into Rei's eyes, "so that you never allow yourself to be deceived by anyone."

"And your price?" whispers Rei, a wry smile on her lips.

"The exquisite pleasure of your company," says Kuroda, "is all I require... for tonight." He resumes kissing Rei, intensifying the kiss...

...as Rei, emboldened with desire, unzips Kuroda's trousers and slides her hand over his member.

Kuroda breaks the kiss. "Bold girl!" he grins. "Haven't you learned by now not to play with fire?"

"You know I'm not as easy to burn as that," smirks Rei.

Returning the smirk, Kuroda kisses Rei with greater passion.

* * *

Late at night, Sasaki returns to Seiji's mansion.

A groggy Yamanouchi opens the door. "What the hell happened to you?" he groans.

Sasaki snorts. "Does it matter?" he asks curtly, his eyes hard. "I've been roused by your late night returns."

"Yes," grins Yamanouchi, "but that's because normally, I've enjoyed a pleasant evening with a woman over a drink-I've never walked in looking like a bruised animal."

"What stopped you tonight?" scoffs Sasaki as he enters the mansion.

"If you recall from the time you left," says Yamanouchi, "one of my employer's children had grown rather attached to my leg."

Sasaki notes the light-haired child, an infant of one, asleep on the couch. "Miyako is certainly the youngest to have shared a bed with you," he quips.

"Your day out was certainly more eventful than mine," grins Yamanouchi. "You almost never joke."

Sasaki chuckles.

"Do you need a drink?" asks Yamanouchi.

"Yamanouchi _-dono_ ," sighs Sasaki, "I need a new soul."

"You're talking to a man whose soul was broken and sullied for centuries," says Yamanouchi.

Roused from sleep, Seiji appears in the doorway.

"There's nothing wrong with your soul," counters Sasaki. "Your hands are merely stained with blood. My soul is tainted, and consumed with hate: hate for some nameless man who is long-dead."

"It doesn't matter," says Seiji, studying Sasaki. "That fellow took something-no, someone-who was precious to you. If I were in your shoes," he continues, "I'd probably be even worse off than you."

"I was going to kill an innocent man, Date _-san_ ," says Sasaki. "I don't think you're capable of that level of malice."

"You don't know what the hell I'm capable of," counters Seiji.

Sasaki drops to his knees. "I...I fell back," he hisses. "The moment I saw that man's face...that hard face, with _her_ eyes, mocking me..."

"Did you kill him?" asks Seiji quietly.

"No. She stopped me," says Sasaki.

"So you _did_ encounter a woman," says Yamanouchi.

"I didn't get very far," says Sasaki, "though further than you ever would with Miyako _-san_."

Yamanouchi rolls his eyes. "The only reason she's here is that I'm too lazy to bring her home to her parents tonight," he says. "This is the first time a woman has worn me out while I'm fully-clothed and sober." Yamanouchi studies Miyako, a soft smile on his face.

"A _koorime_ kissed me to stay my hand against her captor," explains Sasaki, "the man I was about to kill."

Yamanouchi laughs. "She doesn't seem to be the standard type of _koorime_ ," he says, "for her to warm to a man so easily."

"Most _koorime_ fear men," says Sasaki. "Such a maiden would not be here, being tortured for her tears, if there were not some compelling purpose."

"Sasaki," warns Yamanouchi. " _Koorime_ or otherwise, she's still a woman. There's no fathoming the motives of such creatures."

"Did you get her name?" asks Seiji.

"No," says Sasaki. "She just pleaded with me to leave, then followed that fellow and his brother back into their master's manor."

* * *

Later that night, Toshitada arrives at Tarukane's mansion, tense.

The tall man approaches, studying Toshitada carefully.

Wary, Toshitada likewise studies the tall man.

"So," drawls the tall man, breaking the silence, "they sent _you_ , Kouma Toshitada."

Toshitada blinks, surprised.

"Or should I call you 'Shutendouji'?" the tall man continues, smiling.

"I am the _shinigami_ Toshitada," says Toshitada evenly. "For what purpose have you summoned me?"

"This afternoon, I had experienced something I haven't felt in decades," says the tall man. "The thrill of fighting a worthy opponent," he continues, "one who could have taken my life."

"You want to die?" wonders Toshitada.

The tall man nods. "That man, your associate Sasaki Kujuurou, was determined to kill me," he says. "I want another fight like that."

"I am but a _shinigami_ ," says Toshitada. "Regrettably for you, my days of combat are over; I would serve as poor amusement."

"Such false modesty doesn't suit you, Toshitada," says the tall man. "Though the youngest of the Masho, you were the strongest of the four; and the first to break off from Arago."

Toshitada sighs.

"As much as I would like to fight you, however," the tall man continues, "your death four years ago precludes that option. That would leave, of the former Masho: Yamanouchi Naotoki and Kuroda Jirogorou; there are also those five men who fought against Arago."

"You shall not trouble the peace of my _nakama_ ," says Toshitada, glaring at the tall man.

"You excite me," says the tall man, "with that look in your eyes: that look of lethal determination. Even as you are, you may just be able to kill me," he continues, "or at least force me to use about forty-two percent of my power to destroy your soul."

"If that were your intent," says Toshitada, "then you would have tried to kill me by now."

"Intelligent as well as strong," says the tall man.

"Who are you," asks Toshitada, "and what do you want?"

A black limo arrives; a man in a black suit with long hair approaches Toshitada and the tall man; the long-haired man hands the tall man a tape.

"All you need to know is that I'm currently employed as a diversion for that man, Sakyo," says the tall man, nodding towards Sakyo. "You will want to give this to your master in Reikai." The tall man hands Toshitada a videotape.

"What do you gain from this?" asks Toshitada, accepting the tape.

"There is a young man, also employed with Reikai, who possesses the potential of giving me the challenge I seek," says the tall man. "There is also one other, far stronger than your young cohort in Reikai," he continues, "but when I tried to challenge him, he refused to fight me."

"Who are these men?" asks Toshitada.

"Your associate in Reikai I refer to," says the tall man, "is Urameshi Yusuke; he is training at a remote temple of an old friend of mine, slowly growing in power. The other is hidden away in a cave, plotting to destroy mankind: Sensui Shinobu."

"If you would be so kind," says Sakyo, "as to take that tape to your superiors in Reikai, we would appreciate it."

Toshitada takes out his Reikai Compact, starting to contact Botan.

"It's very important that the tape reaches Koenma _-sama_ directly," says the tall man, snatching and crushing the Compact in his hand. "That is, unless you want to see an innocent executed for trying to protect someone he loves."

Scowling, Toshitada leaves with the tape.

"Does this involve Tarukane's _koorime_?" asks Sakyo.

"She will make excellent bait for Urameshi and his friend," says the tall man.

"What will Tarukane think of this?" wonders Sakyo.

"Tarukane...will join his sons in hell," smirks the tall man.

Sakyo chuckles. "I hope that you don't intend to double-cross me, Toguro _-kun_ ," he muses.

"I have no reason to," says the tall man, Toguro _-otouto_. "Tarukane was always a means to an end," he continues, "but now that you-the one who started Sensui on his path to darkness-have arrived, I'm certain that I can end my journey...in the place where it all began."

"And I will finally be able to place my ultimate wager," muses Sakyo. "How cunning you are."

* * *

Toshitada slips silently into Nasuti's home, turning on the television and VCR. _I can't blindly submit this to Koenma-sama,_ he muses as he inserts the tape into the VCR. _It is clearly a trap for Urameshi-kun._

The tape plays; Toshitada winces as he watches Tarukane whip a _koorime_ until she dies, succumbing to her injuries. "It would be a simpler matter," he mutters, seething as he ejects the tape and shuts off the VCR, "to kill the bastard myself."

Koenma appears in the den. "Toshitada," he asks, "why haven't you reported in?"

"Forgive me, my liege," says Toshitada. "I was detained by a _yokai_. He was quite tall, and he wore a green overcoat..." He hands Koenma the tape, continuing to describe the _yokai_ he had encountered.

"Where were you?" asks Koenma.

"At the manor of Tarukane Gonzo," says Toshitada, "the father of both the youth I brought in from Odaigo Court and the other young man who was murdered outside the manor. That man is deranged."

"You've got no argument from me," says Koenma. "That bastard's going to be in Hell Proper for a long time."

"What of the boy?" asks Toshitada.

"He tried to bribe me," grins Koenma. "It was adorable. Oddly enough, his sins are light. About 250 years in purgatory will straighten him out for reincarnation."

Toshitada studies Koenma carefully.

"To answer your unasked question, Toshitada," continues Koenma, "there are several reasons his sentence is that harsh. One," he says, "he beat the shit out of Kuwabara, someone who did him a good turn only four years ago. That's no way to repay a debt. Two, he had the example of his older brother to follow; a man who died doing what was right. The brat, on the other hand, earned his crowbar to the face while obeying Ishihara's stupid order to attack Kuwabara."

"Choosing, in the end, to start on the path of his father," says Toshitada grimly.

"Between being frozen and then bludgeoned to death by a demigod, along with the sentence," says Koenma, "I think that's punishment enough for any fourteen-year old soul. His soul's new, so with this, I don't think there will be any reincarnation carryover of sins."

"I agree, Koenma _-sama_ ," says Toshitada. "If he chooses to realize his error at the end of purgatory, his soul could be redeemable."

Koenma nods.

* * *

"What of the maiden, Shimamura?" asks Toshitada.

"I'm keeping her as far away from that crazy woman as I can," says Koenma dourly. "I can't understand why she was being so protective of that girl, Aoyama Junko-even if she was her daughter."

"Likely because Kuwabara _-kun_ was being emotionally manipulative to punish Aoyama _-dono's_ daughter," sighs Toshitada. "Pulling that harridan out of the theater was quite difficult."

"And now Aoyama Junko's soul is at large," says Koenma. "She'll likely become a very dangerous grudge if she lingers in Ningenkai for too long."

"It makes you wish that Kuwabara _-kun_ had found a better way to deliver the girl's comeuppance," says Toshitada.

"Yeah," says Koenma. "It's disappointing that he stooped to that, but understandable under the circumstances; much like Sasaki trying to rip out Toguro's entrails-that was the _name_ of that _yokai_ you met, by the way. Kuwabara has a lot of unforgiveness bottled-up in his heart, stemming from his mother's death, and he lashes out at times in the worst way. That's the reason I can't make him a detective-so we're stuck with Yusuke instead."

"With proper training and guidance," muses Toshitada, "Kuwabara _-kun_ would be an ideal candidate."

Koenma shakes his head. "While I won't go into details," he says, "Yusuke's predecessor had a strong sense of justice and righteousness-much like Kuwabara's. I really don't want to tell you what happened to that predecessor. Kuwabara certainly has deeper levels of compassion for human frailty, but he'd be walking a thin tightrope on this job."

"I see," says Toshitada, thinking of Sensui Shinobu and wondering of the hinted plot to destroy mankind.

"I take it this tape is important," says Koenma.

Toshitada nods. "That fellow Sasaki _-dono_ fought asked me to return after I had retrieved the souls of the young man who fell to Tarukane's servants," he says, "along with the soul of Ringo: the _koorime_...who was murdered on the tape." Toshitada grimaces. 

Koenma stares at Toshitada.

"Granted," says Toshitada, "I'm hardly one who should flinch at the sight of bloodshed. To the degree that I fought worthwhile opponents," he continues, "I had actually developed some bloodlust: an unfortunate, yet necessary evil. Thus, I am not in a place to judge wickedness."

"And you're not supposed to judge," says Koenma. "You're a _shinigami_. Leave judgment to my father or myself."

"Of course, my liege," says Toshitada gravely.

"In my judgment," Koenma continues, "we have two souls who happen to be the sons of the piece of crap who murdered this innocent _koorime_ and is holding another one hostage."

Toshitada touches his chin.

"The guilty one with the harsh punishment," smirks Koenma, "may be open to a plea bargain."

"That...is rather devious, Koenma _-sama_ ," says Toshitada. "You're worse than my mother was."

"She had taught me quite a bit," grins Koenma, "before she was reincarnated in 1986."

Toshitada blinks.

"You think you got this cushy job just by dying bravely?" quips Koenma.

* * *

"She...would not have merited any part of hell at all," says Toshitada.

"True," says Koenma. "Fujioka Haruko, the lady Kouma, was truly a noble person, and one possessing a great deal more common sense than the rest of her clan-yourself included."

"I...couldn't look into her eyes," breathes Toshitada. "I had to steel myself, harden myself, to look at her with hate."

"I remember when I finally got to her case, about 150 years ago. Haruko said that she knew that you were frightened, and angry about being frightened, but she wasn't able to calm you down long enough to tell her why."

Toshitada pouts. "You're making that up," he says. "There is no way any mortal woman would be able to recognize her child in this." Toshitada summons a mock up of the Yoroi no Oni over himself.

"Woman's instinct! Woman's intuition!" crows Koenma.

"...you're mocking my father, aren't you?" says Toshitada.

"Your whole clan was a hoot. Getting the lot of them processed took until 1986," says Koenma, exasperated, "though most of that was due to Kyomaru and his army of lawyer-clerics wanting to iron out every single detail of reincarnation. When handling your case, I had to take them into consideration: factoring in how their behavior contributed to yours."

Toshitada sighs.

"That, and-like you-they make me laugh, even when they're doing something stupid or bad," grins Koenma. "Anyone that can entertain a god is a soul that's a keeper; such souls are too valuable to pull out of the reincarnation cycle."

"I...don't understand," says Toshitada.

"They not only learn and relearn the lessons of life, but learn deeply," says Koenma, "and they share their knowledge freely with the world, enriching it and making it better. Humanity is in a continual state of self-improvement," he adds.

"And what is Reikai's role in this?" asks Toshitada.

"According to my dad," says Koenma, "it's to root out all wickedness in the world, that humanity can be free to transcend the wheel of _samsara_."

"Eh?" wonders Toshitada. "I'm not certain how the poorly-structured bureaucracy comes into play."

"That would be the reality of matters," says Koenma. "To expedite matters with regard to these two Tarukane brothers-and to catch their father in the act without drawing unneeded attention-we need to be a little devious."

"Not only will Reikai halt the evil of a more contemptible man," says Toshitada, "but it will eliminate most of the paperwork for the youths, who will-according to these by-laws," he continues, studying a manila folder, "simply receive uncontestable summary judgments."

"A stroke of true genius; I know," says Koenma, smug. "If I can stop the founder of the Black Black Club, then that will make Dad happy enough to..." Koenma trails off, clearing his throat. "To...afford me certain privileges which I have become accustomed to."

"You are still being punished for the matter of the damaged treasures, Koenma _-sama_?" asks Toshitada.

Koenma pouts. "I _do_ still have the prerogative to send your ass to Hell Proper, you know," he says.

Toshitada sighs. "Of course," he says.

* * *

Rei, dressed for school, continues sweeping the path leading to Hikawa Shrine to finish her morning chores.

Mamoru approaches Rei; using a rose, he brushes Rei's neck.

Rei stops sweeping the walk outside Hikawa Shrine, stiffening at the touch.

"Rei _-san_ ," drawls Mamoru in a low voice as he touches Rei's shoulders. "I've been thinking about you a lot lately." Mamoru rubs Rei's shoulders.

Rei whips around to face Mamoru. "How...?" she begins, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"You are the-*" Mamoru tries to continue, but...

Rei slaps Mamoru. "How dare you...?" she hisses. "How could you _think_ to tell me such lies...?"

Mamoru steps back in shock, blinking at Rei.

"You're pathetic..." begins Rei, only to giggle, then laugh.

Mamoru stares at Rei, confused.

"Yes: pathetic is exactly what you are...Jadeite!" says Rei with a smirk.

"Mamoru" studies Rei a moment, then returns the smirk. "I should have known better," he sneers, "than to think I could fool one with your gifts. So," he continues, "I'll make my proposition in a different way."

"Mamoru" and Rei teleport away from Hikawa Shrine...

...and appear atop a skyscraper near Yokohama.

Rei, standing near the edge of the skyscraper roof, looks around in shock; "Mamoru" shoves Rei over the edge.

"Mamoru" alights the edge of the skyscraper roof as Rei manages to grip the edge with her arms.

"What...is the purpose of this!?" Rei shrieks.

"I wanted to assure you," says "Mamoru", "that this was no mere illusion of mine, Hino _-san_."

"You have my belief, you bastard," spits Rei.

"I don't want your belief, bitch," counters Jadeite as he reverts to himself, still wearing Mamoru's clothes. "I want your obedience."

Rei glares at Jadeite, only to lose her grip on the edge of the skyscraper roof; a wild series of grabs saves her from a long drop to her death. She fixes an angry scowl at Jadeite, a mix of fear and fury in her eyes.

"Afraid as you clearly are, in the precarious position you're in, you still dare to defy me?" scoffs Jadeite.

Rei trembles, struggling to maintain her grip on the skyscraper roof, but continues to glower at Jadeite.

"No matter," says Jadeite, smug. "My proposal is simple: serve me. Kill the Sailor _senshi_ for me, and I will give you the _real_ Chiba Mamoru."

Rei stares at Jadeite in disbelief.

"As you can see," Jadeite continues, "it is nothing at all for one with my powers to make Chiba love you."

"I'll...play along," says Rei. "What if I refuse?" she asks.

Jadeite steps on Rei's hand. "Then you will die, right here and now, Hino Rei," he says, a cruel grin on his face.

"Get your foot off my hand so I can think!" Rei snaps.

Taken aback, Jadeite complies.

Rei smiles...then releases the edge of the skyscraper roof.

Jadeite trembles, his jaw agape.

Nephrite appears, grinning in awe. "I can't believe...how thorough your failure was," he says.

Snapping out of his stupor, Jadeite punches Nephrite. "Shut up, you insolent bastard!" he seethes.

"What?" sneers Nephrite, rubbing his jaw. "It's not my fault that she'd rather die than serve you."

* * *

Kuroda, in the Yoroi no Gen, cradles Sailor Mars as he swings toward Rei's school, T-A; he alights atop the school's roof.

"I didn't need your help," scowls Sailor Mars.

"And to your credit, little one," says Kuroda, "you didn't anticipate my aid. It's refreshing that we can still surprise each other at times."

"You can put me down now," continues Mars curtly. "It's bad enough that the bastard made me late for school."

Kuroda laughs. "Promise me that you won't make a habit of these reckless acts of desperation," he says as he sets Mars down, "and I won't surprise you so often." Kuroda eyes Mars, a look of hunger in his visible eye.

"I don't care how shameless this makes me look," fumes Mars. "I'm wearing this out of duty."

"What makes you think you have the right to expose your delightful legs to all and sundry?" asks Kuroda, drawing Mars close to him. "You are mine to admire."

"This is the combat uniform I was given," says Mars evenly, gently extricating herself from Kuroda's arms. "You have my thanks, nonetheless."

"My sweet," says Kuroda, "you have attracted dangerous opponents. Know that I cannot save you from them," he continues, "so you must be careful: in heart and body." With that, Kuroda vanishes.

Mars trembles a moment, rubbing her arms, then she briefly clutches her chest before she reverts to normal as Rei. Sighing, Rei walks to the door and heads down the fire escape stairs to head to school.

* * *

Shuu enters his bedroom...

...just as Kuroda wakes from his nap, stretching as he stifles a yawn.

"I have so many questions to ask about this," says Shuu in deadpan.

"I failed to report to work," says Kuroda as he slips out of Shuu's bed, "due to a tiring yet pleasant evening spent in a lady's company. And this morning, I escorted the lady to her school after saving her from a bad fall. As to why I'm in your highly-comfortable bed, Fuan _-kun_ ," he continues, "it's because Yokohama was closest to me."

Shuu shakes his head as he pulls outfits out of his closet, then takes his clothes to a suitcase. "How far did you get with her?" he asks.

"We played a few pleasure games," says Kuroda, "my little one and I."

"Second base," says Shuu, choosing and packing his outfits. "Didn't think you had the balls to try."

"I wanted to renew our acquaintance," says Kuroda, "in a memorable fashion."

Shuu packs the last of his clothing and closes his luggage. "What do you want, Kuroda?" he asks, annoyed.

"To wish you and Xiao _-dono_ well on your journey to Tahiti," says Kuroda, "and to warn you once more."

"Warn me of what? Possible sunburn?" scoffs Shuu.

"Are you prepared to kill Xiao _-dono_ if she should bear your child?" asks Kuroda.

"You're _still_ harping on that!?" spits Shuu. "Xiao's my sister!"

"You declare something that you yourself don't believe," counters Kuroda.

Shuu glares at Kuroda.

"Blame the wretched peasants of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea if you must," continues Kuroda, "but because they abducted her at a young age, you seeXiao _-dono_ as a woman, not a sister you've never met."

"We made out because we were both drunk," says Shuu, "and _that_ I blame on Yamanouchi spiking our drinks with his idea of _sake_."

" _In vino veritas_ ," says Kuroda whimsically.

"Where did you find time to learn Latin during the Sengoku period?" Shuu snorts.

"Deny it all you like, Fuan _-kun_ ," says Kuroda. "You know I'm right. Enjoy your trip." Kuroda leaves Shuu's room.


	12. Elixir 5

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **5**_ : Liar.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

Motoki scowls as he cleans chocolate ice cream off the walls.

"Why don't you just get Usagi to lick the walls clean?" grins Mamoru.

"So you do know her name," says Motoki, annoyed.

"Sure, I do," continues Mamoru. " _Odango-atama_."

"Quit being an ass," spits Motoki. "No wonder Usagi has such a poor opinion of you."

"She made most of this mess," says Mamoru. "With her aim being terrible and all."

"And you started the damned food fight in the first place by dumping ice cream down her shirt," says Motoki. "Honestly, Mamoru: you're more childish than she is."

"That was my revenge for her spilling hot coffee onto my lap two days prior," says Mamoru curtly.

"Which you know was unintentional," says Motoki. "The girl is just exuberant sometimes."

"And accident-prone," says Mamoru, smiling gently.

"You know," says Motoki, "if you like Usagi, why can't you just tell her that-instead of antagonizing her the way you do?"

"Annoying her is more fun, I guess," says Mamoru as he grabs a mop. "The way her eyes glitter when she fumes at me, as her skin turns red in all the right places..."

"You need to find a way to sublimate your raging lust for Usagi that isn't socially maladaptive," says Motoki, sullen, "for the sake of my job if nothing else."

Ryo puts a few _yen_ coins into an arcade machine. "As long as the games work," he says, "I think your job's safe, Furuhata."

"You can't deny that Chiba and Tsukino's spats bring customers over with the prospect of live entertainment," adds Touma, drinking a banana milkshake.

"You two could help Mamoru clean this mess," says Motoki.

"I'm a paying customer," says Ryo.

"So am I," says Mamoru wryly as he mops the floor, "but I'm currently engaged in slave labor."

"Less chatter and more work, Chiba," says Motoki, wiping the counter.

Touma sits next to Ryo, watching Mamoru and Motoki work as Ryo plays the arcade game, _**Goblin City**_.

Motoki nudges a blob of strawberry ice cream onto the floor as Mamoru finishes.

Mamoru glares at Motoki.

Motoki smirks. "You missed a spot," he sneers.

Mamoru snorts as he cleans up the strawberry ice cream.

"Don't start any more food fights here," says Motoki.

* * *

A few days later, Usagi finishes a bowl of strawberry ice cream with a chocolate cookie.

Ami sips a milkshake alongside Naru.

"My day's great," says Usagi, giddy. "I actually passed a test thanks to Ami," she continues with a bright look to Ami, "which will make my parents happy, and..." Usagi trails off as Mamoru enters the _**Crown Arcade**_.

A few patrons leave their tables, approaching the counter to pay.

Motoki sighs, resigned.

"Ah," says Usagi curtly. "The riffraff has arrived."

"Usagi! Be polite," Ami admonishes.

"Or at least be silent and let Chiba _-san_ have his coffee," says Naru.

"He's free to have his coffee," says Usagi, "and I'm free to speak my piece."

"Your words are so...imprudent," says Ami. "Why not prove to be the better person?"

"Because I accept that I'm immature," says Usagi. "I refuse to grow up."

"You have to admire her honesty," says Naru.

Ami stares balefully at Usagi. "Sometimes that honesty can be so idiotic," she says under her breath.

Mamoru, catching Usagi's comment, stops at the table. "If you refuse to grow up, _odango_ ," he says, "then how will you have children?"

"I'll adopt," says Usagi.

"Careful," grins Mamoru. "That's a grown-up response."

"Just leave me alone!" spits Usagi. "I don't want you annoying me today."

"So," drawls Mamoru, "shall I schedule an appointment to pester and play with you on Tuesday?"

"How about 'stay away from me forever!?'" hisses Usagi.

"That's unrealistic," says Mamoru. "You're too much fun."

"Don't you have a college degree to earn?" pouts Usagi. "I'm sure that doesn't leave much time for bullying innocent middle school students."

"I make time for special cases like you, _odango-chan_ ," says Mamoru, placing a hand on Usagi's shoulder.

A thin smile forms on Usagi's face as she grips Mamoru's wrist. "Not even _you_ can spoil my good mood, Chiba," she says as she nudges Mamoru's hand off her shoulder. "I'm getting another bowl of ice cream." Standing, Usagi leaves the table and approaches the counter.

"Please take it easy on her today, Chiba _-san_ ," Naru pleads.

"The hell I will," says Mamoru, smirking. "One way or another," he continues, "Tsukino will pay for leaving me to clean up after the food tantrum she threw."

"Only because you started the food fight, Chiba _-san_ ," says Ami. "Usagi had a test to study for, and she was working hard."

"She passed, too," adds Naru, "so you can't hold that over her head."

"Am I supposed to be amazed that she did what was expected of her?" scoffs Mamoru. "Aren't we lowering our standards, Mizuno _-san_?"

"I don't know what to expect from Usagi," says Ami coolly, "so it would be illogical to impose my standards onto her."

"And her standards are unreasonably high for anyone," says Naru. "Ami _-san_ is only being fair."

"You're still going too easy on her," says Mamoru, glancing at Usagi's test paper. "She could stand to strive harder."

"This is a baseline," says Ami as she snatches the test paper, guarding it protectively.

"Fine," says Mamoru as Usagi returns to the table and sits across from Ami. He sits next to Usagi, across from Naru.

"You are determined to make fun of me today, aren't you?" says Usagi, eyeing Mamoru warily.

"Actually, no," says Mamoru. "I'm proud that you have a legitimate reason to feel smug today, _odango_ ," he continues, "so I'll cut you a little slack."

"Is this jerk trying to congratulate me on my test?" asks Usagi.

Naru grins. "You have to take what you can get," she says.

"I'll accept your backhanded compliment for what it's worth, Chiba," says Usagi.

"And I'll expect you to do even better next time," says Mamoru. "Push this brat a little harder, Mizuno _-san_ ," he says to Ami, "if you want me to quit teasing her so much."

Ami shakes her head.

"From you," says Usagi, narrowing her eyes at Mamoru, "that's almost civil. You could be mistaken for a normal human being," she continues as she eats her ice cream.

Mamoru gazes at Usagi as she savors a spoonful of ice cream, absently licking his lips.

"Are you hungry, Chiba _-san_?" asks Naru.

"A bit," says Mamoru.

Usagi lifts another spoonful of ice cream to her lips...

...only for Mamoru to eat the spoonful.

Usagi trembles, setting the spoon down on the table. "Ami," she says, "I'm going to get another spoon. Please don't let him eat any more of my ice cream." Blushing, Usagi leaves the table.

Naru stares at Mamoru, her eyes wide as she watches Mamoru savor his ill-gotten spoonful of ice cream.

"Maybe there's some truth to that 'indirect kiss' nonsense," Mamoru says quietly after a moment. "That had to be the sweetest bit of strawberry ice cream I've ever had."

Usagi returns to the table with another spoon; sitting, she guards her bowl from Mamoru as she continues to eat ice cream with her new spoon.

"I was thinking, _odango_ ," says Mamoru, grinning.

"There's a frightening thought," mutters Usagi.

Mamoru chuckles. "That bit of ice cream you shared with me was so luscious," he says, licking the spoon Usagi had set down, "that it makes me wonder if you taste like ice cream."

Usagi shivers, confused by the strange look in Mamoru's eyes.

"'You are what you eat', right?" grins Mamoru.

Ami and Naru exchange glances.

Mamoru dips his spoon into Usagi's ice cream; he takes a spoonful and eats it.

Shocked, Usagi trembles.

"Sooner or later, _odango_ ," says Mamoru, jamming his spoon into Usagi's ice cream, "you will have to grow up. Accept it." He leaves the table and exits the _**Crown Arcade**_.

Usagi stands, rubbing her arms. "Chiba Mamoru," she says quietly, sullen, "is such a cruel and horrid person." After jamming her spoon into her ice cream next to Mamoru's spoon, Usagi stalks over to the counter, fuming.

"Why would Mamoru _-san_ do something so idiotic?" spits Naru.

"Because men are, without exception, utter fools," says Ami, sipping her milkshake.

* * *

"No," says Kenji dourly as Usagi displays another dress. "Wear something with sleeves, please."

" _Otousan_ ," says Usagi, "I'm going on a date with Motoki; I have to look good."

"I recognize that, Usako," says Kenji. "You just look a bit too good for my tastes," he adds wryly.

"What would _okaasan_ have to say about that, hm?" asks Usagi, a mischevious glint in her eyes.

"My tastes are why you and Shingo are my children," says Kenji, polishing his glasses.

"I understand myself," says Usagi, "but I thought for sure that Shingo was planted here by a _kappa yokai_." She reenters her bedroom to try on another dress.

Kenji studies a picture of Usagi when she was small, asleep with Shingo when he was a baby. _I'm so selfish,_ he muses. _I want Usako to be a child forever._

Usagi emerges from her room. "Surely you can't object to this one, _otousan_ ," she says, twirling around in the dress.

"It's lovely," says Kenji. "Now put on a shrug."

"I don't like those," pouts Usagi. "It's like someone was too lazy to knit a whole sweater."

"You do realize how ironic those words are," says Kenji, "coming from you."

"I have top marks in home economics," counters Usagi.

"I know," Kenji smiles, "and I want the concentration and discipline you devote to that subject applied to your other subjects as well."

Usagi rolls her eyes.

Kenji brandishes Usagi's passing test paper. "I want this promising trend of diligence to continue," he says, "and I expect your grades to further improve."

" _Otousan_ ," pouts Usagi, "please don't say things like that. It's bad enough that you remind me of Chiba when you don't have on your glasses-especially since you both drink your coffee the same way," she continues. "I don't need you saying things he would say."

"Usako," says Kenji, "is that why you're so hostile to that young man?"

"That 'young man' is hostile to me and...to existence itself," declares Usagi, her cheeks scarlet. "Thankfully, I don't expect him to darken my presence today."

* * *

"This is a dirty trick, Motoki," spits Mamoru, glaring at Motoki. "Tsukino asked you out, and you said 'yes'. You have to honor your word."

"I know, but I have a girlfriend, remember?" says Motoki blandly.

Mamoru glowers at Motoki. "Then you should have simply said 'no'," he says.

"And she would ask again," says Motoki. "This way is a bit more painful for her," he continues, "but at least she'd be able to let go of her crush on me."

"Great," says Mamoru dourly. "And then she's going to come here and whine in her ice cream after you've stood her up and left her alone on her date-making everyone miserable."

"If you feel so strongly about it," says Motoki, "then just go in my place."

"Yeah," snorts Mamoru, "as though she'd enjoy my company."

"She could," says Motoki, "if you can resist the urge to be a jerk to her for one evening."

"You ask the impossible," snickers Mamoru. "I'm just damned if I do and damned if I don't."

"I've planned my proposal to Reika for months now," says Motoki. "It can't be helped if Usagi made an impulse decision to ask me out on a date," he continues, "which she wouldn't have done if her mood wasn't spoiled by some asshole eating her ice cream."

"I was hungry," says Mamoru, smirking, "and _odango_ needed to share."

"That has nothing to do with me," says Motoki. "If you want to soothe the sting of Usagi's jilted heart, then be my guest." 

"I'll do just that, Furuhata," says Mamoru. He exits the _**Crown Arcade**_.

Motoki chuckles. "And hopefully," he says aloud to himself, "that will resolve these stupid misunderstandings between them."

* * *

"What did you do with Motoki _-san_!?" Usagi demands, stamping her foot as she stands in front of her table with Mamoru.

"I didn't do anything with him. He...had other plans and didn't have the guts to tell you." says Mamoru. "I didn't want you to be alone for the evening, so I volunteered to take his place."

"And thus make my evening even worse," pouts Usagi. "If I wanted to go on a date with my father, I could have simply asked him out. He's friendlier, too."

"So I remind you of your father?" asks Mamoru.

"Yes," says Usagi, "if his kind and reasonable personality were replaced with the personality of a troll."

"I ought to take you under that bridge and demand a toll from you, Tsukino," says Mamoru, pointing to a bridge outside the window.

"You demand a lot of unreasonable things from me," says Usagi, unnerved by Mamoru's unfathomable expression.

"I give it to you," says Mamoru, "because you can take it. Now quit being a child."

"Why!?" spits Usagi. "No one asked my opinion about growing up. I'm not in this mad rush to be an adult, and I don't see why that's a bad thing."

"Maybe the man of your dreams is waiting for you to join him," says Mamoru.

Usagi rolls her eyes. "There you go, mocking me again," she says.

"I didn't mock you once...yet," says Mamoru. "Tsukino _-san_ ," he continues, "let's try to make the best of this."

"I don't see how," says Usagi curtly. "How can I trust someone who just casually tells me that Motoki _-san_ -his friend-blew me off?"

"You expect me- _me_ -to sugar-coat the truth?" scoffs Mamoru.

"You're supposed to stand up for your friends," says Usagi, "whether they're right or wrong."

"That's true to an extent," says Mamoru. "However, if my friend does something stupid that hurts someone else, I'm going to be honest about it."

"Then...would you please take me home?" asks Usagi gently.

"We haven't even ordered dinner yet," counters Mamoru.

"Please...?" continues Usagi, wincing as she rubs her arms.

Mamoru studies Usagi. "Understand, Tsukino, that you're on my time," he says. "We'll leave the restaurant, but I won't take you straight home. Is that fair?" asks Mamoru.

"No," pouts Usagi, "it's basically kidnapping at this point."

"Then lay it at the feet of Furuhata Motoki," says Mamoru, "who dismissed all of your efforts to look lovely this evening." He gazes at Usagi, his eyes roaming over her body.

Usagi narrows her eyes at Mamoru. "You're just being selfish, Chiba," she says, sullen.

"I know," says Mamoru. He motions to the waiter.

* * *

"I'll have this dance," says a young man wearing glasses, grabbing Naru by the hand and snatching her away from Sanjouin.

Sanjouin's eyes widen a moment, then he glares at the young man.

Naru pulls away from the youth, glaring at him. "Umino!" she hisses. "What are you doing here!?"

"I invited myself," scowls Umino. "That man isn't right for you."

Naru seethes at Umino. "If we weren't at this man's dinner party," she spits, "I'd throttle you!"

"Fine," says Umino. "Throttle me. Get us both kicked out so that you'll be safe."

"Oh, yes," says Naru sardonically. "I'm in mortal danger from a nineteen-year old fashion executive, and my only hope lies in the hands of my obnoxious friend and classmate: a second year middle school student named Umino Gurio," she continues, snatching off Umino's stylish glasses, "who's tactless and near-blind without very strong eyeglasses."

Annoyed, Umino puts on his normal pair of glasses. "I was trying to remain incognito," he says. "I had thought you'd be distracted by my good looks."

"I've known you since kindergarten," says Naru, "and I've seen you without glasses before, you idiot. I don't understand why you're jealous."

"I'm a bit jealous," admits Umino, "but that doesn't make me wrong. That long-haired jackass is just using you."

"What do you know!?" demands Naru. "How did you even know I was going out with Sanjouin _-san_ tonight? I haven't told anyone."

"You were mooning over the guy for a solid month," says Umino dourly.

"Seriously, Umino: I'm not a child," says Naru, handing Umino back his other pair of glasses. "I'm perfectly capable of deciding what I want."

"And what exactly is it that you want?" asks Umino.

Naru stares at Umino.

"After all, Sanjouin will never be able to replace your father," Umino continues.

Trembling, Naru slaps Umino.

Umino sighs. "I anticipated that reaction," he states, sad.

"Just...get out...!" spits Naru, holding back tears.

Umino shrugs, walking away from Naru. He briefly pauses next to Sanjouin. "I blame you," he says, "for Naru _-san_ 's poor behavior."

"You don't know me," says Sanjouin, "so why are you so hostile?"

Umino lowers his glasses, looking over the frames to glare at Sanjouin. "I don't like dishonest people," he says, "and you're a fraud." He exits the dinner party.

* * *

Sanjouin approaches Naru, then offers her his hand.

Naru accepts it. "Please forgive Umino _-kun_ ," she says, allowing Sanjouin to escort her to his office. "He's a bit overprotective."

"I'll do my best," says Sanjouin, touching Naru's chin. "Your friend did provide some unique entertainment value."

"Comedy, I suppose," says Naru, "but it's not polite to make fun of someone behind his back, Sanjouin _-san_."

"I suppose not," says Sanjouin, drawing Naru possessively close to him. "That fellow is simply too honest for his own good."

"Does that make you a liar, Sanjouin _-san_?" asks Naru, looking into Sanjouin's eyes.

"No more than most people," says Sanjouin smoothly.

"But it's wrong to lie," says Naru.

"The harsh truth, ironically enough, is that everyone lies, Naru _-san_. I lie. You lie. Your mother lies. Even your honest friend will learn to lie if he wants to survive in this world," says Sanjouin. "Society can't function without lies and deceit."

"If that's true," says Naru, leaning onto Sanjouin's chest with a forlorn expression on her face, "then how can we trust anyone? How can we trust ourselves?"

"Because we're human, and we demand companionship," says Sanjouin, "we have no choice but to trust each other-even knowing we're all liars."

"Are you jealous of Umino _-kun_?" asks Naru.

"Which answer do you want, Naru _-san_?" asks Sanjouin, releasing Naru.

Naru stares at Sanjouin, confused.

"If you're asking this question of me as a child," says Sanjouin, "then I'll answer you as I'd answer a child. If you're asking me this question as a woman," he continues, fixing his eyes onto Naru's own, "then I want to know how to answer you."

"If we're trying to be honest," says Naru, rubbing her arms, "then I don't even know how I'm asking this question. I just asked the question as myself: as Naru. There's no deeper meaning beyond it."

"I see," says Sanjouin. "Then I have no choice but to tell you the truth."

Naru sighs, exasperated.

"I'm jealous enough," says Sanjouin, a somewhat cruel-yet-charming smile on his face, "that I'll kill Umino if he pulls another stunt like what he did tonight."

"Are you serious!?" balks Naru, frightened.

"If you'd rather not find out," says Sanjouin, "then warn your friend to mind his own damned business."

Naru shivers. "I take it that you...see me as a woman...?" she asks.

"I see you at the moment," says Sanjouin, "as woman enough to satisfy me. Whether or not I see more than that," he continues, "is up to you."

"I'm...confused," says Naru, unnerved by Sanjouin's steady gaze.

"Umino is right about one thing," says Sanjouin. "I am not your father. Do we have an understanding, Naru _-san_?"

"I...don't think I have a choice," says Naru, "but to accept what you're willing to offer me."

Sanjouin locks the door to his office, then pulls Naru into his arms. "Then, Naru _-san_ ," he whispers, blowing gently into Naru's ear, "let's tell each other lies..."

* * *

Mamoru takes Usagi's hand, about to head towards the subway station.

Usagi pulls back, snatching her hand out of Mamoru's grip. "Why don't we walk?" she says curtly.

"Because we're a bit further from your house than you think," says Mamoru, "and I thought you wanted to go home."

"I do! The walk will be good exercise," says Usagi.

"Since when do you care about exercise?" scoffs Mamoru. "It'll all be undone by the ice cream and sweets you eat on a daily basis."

"I won't go on the subway," says Usagi, sullen.

"It's the fastest way home," says Mamoru.

"Aren't you the one who tells me I shouldn't take shortcuts through life?" Usagi spits back, an obstinate pout on her face.

"The subway isn't a shortcut," says Mamoru, annoyed. "It's a safe and effective mode of transit. You're just being unreasonable for its own sake." He grabs her hand.

Usagi digs in her heels, resisting Mamoru even as he tugs on her arm. "I'm not going, Chiba. You won't get to do what you want," she hisses, glaring at Mamoru.

Mamoru catches the savage, determined look in Usagi's eyes; he releases Usagi's hand, sighing.

Startled by the abrupt release, Usagi stumbles, struggling to remain on her feet.

"Help me to understand," says Mamoru, stopping Usagi from falling, "why you're afraid of the subway."

"Afraid!?" balks Usagi, her eyes wide. "I just don't want to go down there," she says peevishly, "that's all."

Mamoru gazes at Usagi, his eyes fixed on hers.

"It's noisy, and dark, and cold sometimes down there," Usagi continues, trembling. "And during peak hours, it's crowded and it stinks: full of parents with loud, unruly kids, surly delinquents, and creepy old men who take advantage of the fact that passengers are crammed in like sardines to fondle and rape young women."

Mamoru steps back, shocked at Usagi's words.

"But no one cares about that. A grown-up woman is just supposed to silently endure that while trying to use the convenient public transit to handle her business," spits Usagi, tears falling down her cheeks as she trembles.

"Did that...happen to you, Tsukino _-san_?" asks Mamoru gently.

"No," says Usagi quietly, "but I'm angry that it happened to anyone at all! I was on the subway about three years ago," she continues. "It was crowded. Some salaryman jerk was pressing and rubbing against a middle school student-and he was doing it on purpose, even unzipping his pants."

Mamoru stares at Usagi.

"Nobody cared-no one cared at all!" Usagi shrieks. "That poor girl couldn't even scream. She tried pinching him, stepping on his foot-but he just kept on..." she continues, the memory filling her eyes with tears of fury. "I got sick of it; I kicked him and screamed. I was so loud that the girl got loud trying to quiet me...and we both got kicked off the train."

Mamoru grins. "That sounds about right," he says.

"And I'm glad!" says Usagi. "Even though that girl is probably still angry at me, I don't care. I don't ever want to board the subway again," she continues, resolute, "if it means I have to deal with that."

Mamoru draws Usagi to him in a friendly manner. "Let's get some exercise and walk you home, then," he says, a kind smile on his face.

Usagi blinks. "You...don't think I'm being childish?" she asks.

"You're being childish," says Mamoru, walking away from the subway station with Usagi, "but not petty. I can respect that."

"So," says Usagi, a wry smile on her face, "you had to get in your daily insult."

Mamoru chuckles. "If you believe a simple fact is an insult, then so be it," he says.

"I'm not wrong!" spits Usagi.

"The truth is the truth," says Mamoru. "You can hide from the truth, or you can face it. You can decide to never use the subway again, Tsukino _-san_ ," he continues. "That is your choice. But you can't be a child anymore, no matter how childishly you behave."

"You're horrible!" seethes Usagi.

"I'm honest. Time is against you, Tsukino _-san_ ," says Mamoru, stern. "You must grow up. Accept this fact with grace, for no one can stop it."

"I understand that I must grow up," says Usagi peevishly. "Can't I decide when to accept it!?"

"No," says Mamoru simply.

"You...just enjoy tormenting me, don't you?" says Usagi.

"Not always," says Mamoru. "I want you...to always have me...in your memories," he continues, wiping away a tear from Usagi's eyes, "even if they're unpleasant ones."

"I don't want all of my memories of you to be unpleasant," says Usagi, "but it's clear, Chiba _-san_ , that those are the only memories I'll ever get from you."

Mamoru winces, but continues to hold Usagi.

Usagi trembles, staring at her feet to avoid looking at Mamoru.

She and Mamoru arrive at a park.

"Why...?" asks Usagi, squaring her shoulder as she looks at Mamoru. "Why won't you let me go?"

"The most beautiful roses," says Mamoru, "have the sharpest thorns. Nonetheless," he continues, "thorns are just thorns: they hurt, but they can't kill you."

Mamoru and Usagi continue to wander through the park.

* * *

"Chiba _-san_ ," says Usagi after fifteen minutes, "it's getting late."

"I know," says Mamoru. "I just thought...that we both wanted to get lost," he adds, looking into Usagi's eyes.

"Why would anyone want to get lost?" wonders Usagi, unable to look away from Mamoru's gaze.

Mamoru places his hands on Usagi's shoulders, then touches her chin. "Let's make a pleasant memory together, Tsukino _-san_ ," he says.

Usagi trembles, blushing. "What...are you talking about...?" she asks.

"I..." begins Mamoru, his eyes filled with something unnameable. "Let me kiss you."

"W-what!?" Usagi yelps. "I-I can't kiss you!"

"Why not?" asks Mamoru. "I know I'm not your favorite," he scoffs. "Though I'm not Motoki," he continues, "I also know I'm not completely repulsive."

"While you are repulsive," counters Usagi, "that isn't the reason."

"Don't think about Hino _-san_ ," says Mamoru. "In fact, don't think of this as a real kiss at all."

"But...how would _you_ feel about that?" asks Usagi.

"I'm helping you practice," says Mamoru. "This is a simple practice kiss. You don't want your sacred first kiss to be clumsy or awkward, do you?" he teases.

"You don't have to do that," says Usagi. "You don't have to humor my childish whims; that's just not fair."

"Life isn't fair, Tsukino _-san_. As a man," says Mamoru, "I've learned to accept that. And in this case," he continues, "it's a fact I'm glad to accept; I'll happily be your training dummy for your practice kisses-whenever you like, not just today."

"Just...practice...?" asks Usagi, dubious.

"To help you get your feet wet in the ocean of adulthood," says Mamoru gaily. "The kiss is no more, and no less, than what you make of it."

Usagi turns her back to Mamoru, clutching her chest as she tries to calm her rapid heartbeat. "I...shouldn't want this so much, Chiba _-san_..." she says quietly after a moment.

Mamoru studies Usagi.

Squaring her shoulders, Usagi turns to face Mamoru. "However," she says, looking into Mamoru's eyes, "I do need the practice..." Usagi takes Mamoru's hands in hers, then grabs his shoulders and kisses him gently on the lips.

His hands free, Mamoru pulls Usagi close as he responds to Usagi's kiss, sliding the tip of his tongue between her lips.

Surprised by Mamoru's action, Usagi reflexively opens her mouth...

...and Mamoru deepens the kiss, slipping his tongue into Usagi's mouth and nudging Usagi's tongue into a response; he makes a low moan, almost a growl, of pleasure and satisfaction.

Usagi pulls away, trembling as her eyes shine with new desire; she sticks her tongue out, touching it as though it were alien to her.

Mamoru chuckles. "Yes," he says, "your tongue can do a lot more than blow raspberries at me."

Usagi pouts at Mamoru. "Don't make me regret this," she says.

"You won't," says Mamoru. "I promise. Shall we practice some more?" he asks.

"Yes," says Usagi. "More practice." Swallowing back her saliva, Usagi closes the distance between herself and Mamoru as she allows Mamoru to resume the kiss.

"Mm," sighs Mamoru as Usagi begins her attempt to explore Mamoru's mouth with her tongue. His hands roam over Usagi's body.

Usagi gently breaks the kiss, breathless. "What...what are you doing...?" she asks.

Mamoru briefly tastes Usagi's bottom lip, then her top lip. "Let's do...a bit more..." he says.

"M-more...?" wonders Usagi, her words trailing off into a soft moan...

...as Mamoru kisses Usagi's neck. "Yes," he whispers. "More..."

In a few moments, Mamoru and Usagi lower themselves to the ground, kissing in earnest.

Hiding in the bushes, Rei trembles, struggling to look away. "I knew it," she mutters. "It was only a matter of time." Quelling the urge to scream, Rei slowly rises to her feet and slips away, tears in her eyes.

* * *

Stroking Naru's bare back as Naru sleeps, Sanjouin leans back in his office chair. "I think," he says softly to himself, "I may just keep her. After all," he muses, "how many women are virgins not only in body, but also to life?"

"Yes," Sanjouin continues, whimsical as he runs his fingers through Naru's hair, "as long as she doesn't bore me, I will continue to play the role of the experienced older lover. And if Naru continues to satisfy me like she did tonight," he grins crudely, "she will never know danger."

Sanjouin chuckles, his expression bitter. "The poor, naive girl," he hisses. "I'm such an evil, greedy bastard," he continues, "absorbing all of her love."

"Even if I returned her love," says Sanjouin, "I wouldn't know it. At any rate," he adds, smirking, "I have no remorse. Naru is mine, and no one will take her from me."

"Nephrite," spits a voice, echoing through Sanjouin's office.

Sanjouin growls, irritated as he carefully rises from his chair, Naru still in his arms. He gently sets Naru back into his chair, then places his evening jacket over her body and kisses her forehead.

"Nephrite," continues the voice, quiet yet strident, "I demand that you answer me."

Sanjouin silently enters an adjacent room, locking the door.

"Answer me, Nephrite!" demands the voice.

"I was busy, Your Majesty!" snarls Sanjouin.

"Control your tone with me, Nephrite," says the voice tersely.

"Please forgive my outburst, my queen," says Sanjouin. "It is difficult to maintain a high-profile civilian identity such as mine," he continues, "when you, Queen Beryl, demand my immediate response with the subtlety of a screeching parrot."

Beryl's astral image appears in the room. "Do not trifle with me, Nephrite. You know why I have been seeking you. You have yet," she continues, "to bring me the _ginzuishou_ , which I commanded you to find."

"I know, my liege," seethes Sanjouin. "Not once have I, Nephrite _-ousama_ : ruler of the stars and top-level agent of the Dark Kingdom, failed you."

"There is always a first time, Nephrite," says Beryl, "and it is not always pleasant," she continues with a canny smile. "Pray that your first failure will not be your last."

"I will not fail, my queen!" spits Sanjouin.

"I suppose that is why you have been avoiding me," says Beryl archly.

"And I would hazard to suppose," says Sanjouin, "that given your force of personality, you will never be able to speak from experience regarding a first time for anything." He punctuates this with a smirk.

Beryl's eyes narrow, not missing the thinly-veiled insult.

"With all due respect, Your Majesty," says Sanjouin curtly, "please let me work! Or, if you demand results so quickly," he continues, "then give me an idea of what I'm searching for so I can find the damned _ginzuishou_."

Beryl snickers.

"Believe me: I have been searching. Even this dinner party was an attempt to search for the _ginzuishou_ ," says Sanjouin.

"And that is why you cavorted with that girl in your office," sneers Beryl, "with no sign of what I seek in sight."

"Frankly, Queen Beryl, I was taking a break!" spits Sanjouin. "Hell, this is the first time I haven't seen those sailor girls interfering in my business."

"Your point?" asks Beryl icily.

"I don't need you to micromanage me, my liege," says Sanjouin. "As you won't tell me what to look for," he continues, "I have to search with the tools and evidence available. When I find the _ginzuishou_ , you'll get it!"

Beryl seethes at Sanjouin. "Beware, Nephrite," she hisses, "or you shall share the same fate as Jadeite-who never defied me, or showed me such insolence."

"Jadeite suffered his fate due to his own incompetence," says Sanjouin. "I will never share his fate, my queen. Now," he continues, "I ask you to leave me to my work."

"Know that I expect results, Nephrite," intones Beryl as her astral image fades out of the room.

Scowling, Sanjouin unlocks the door and exits the room, reentering his office.

Sanjouin approaches his office chair, where Naru sleeps peacefully. "Naru: my beautiful, naive girl," he hisses, a cruel smile on his face, "you, with your tight little ass, are such glorious stress relief. Had Jadeite claimed someone like you," Sanjouin continues, "he might have lived a bit longer."

"How could the man have hoped to be competent at his job," Sanjouin sneers as he dresses, "when the combined stressors of the sailor sluts and the queen bitch had frayed every nerve in his body?"

Sanjouin picks up Naru's dress, studying the care tag, then looks over to Naru; his eyes roam over her body. "I'm going to savor," he says, licking his lips, "taking what's left of her virginity. No," Sanjouin continues, "claiming what's rightfully mine. She gave herself to me, after all."

Sanjouin stifles a snicker as he tries to contain a harsh laugh, then composes himself as he gently wakes Naru.

* * *

Inside Rei's room at Hikawa Shrine: Ami, petting Luna's head, tries to study as Rei and Usagi continue to argue.

"You must have liked _something_ about him!" spits Rei. "You gave Mamoru _-san_ your first kiss!"

"It wasn't a _real_ first kiss!" counters Usagi hotly, blushing. "It was only practice! We both agreed on that."

"But you enjoyed it!" says Rei.

"I...didn't mean to..." says Usagi, trembling. "I didn't really want to..."

"The fact remains that you did," Rei continues, narrowing her eyes with hurt.

Usagi shakes her head, fighting back tears. "Oh, come on! It was Mamo- _baka_!" she screeches.

"I suppose that was why he was all over you," spits Rei.

Ami shuts her book, then picks up Luna. "I have to wonder," she says quietly to Luna, "why Rei followed Mamoru _-san_ in the first place."

"Because Rei and Usagi are both more alike than either of them would care to admit," says Luna, smirking.

Ami shakes her head at her friends' shrill argument as she resumes her attempt to study.

"I was only on that date because Motoki _-san_ tricked me!" says Usagi. "Anyway," she continues, "you should have confronted me if you saw us. You should have stopped-*" Usagi clamps her hands over her mouth, blushing.

"Stopped what, Usagi? I should have stopped what!?" Rei demands.

"Be silent! I'm trying to study," says Ami, irritated as she slams down her books. "What's the big deal about a first kiss, anyway?"

"Not that I actually gave Mamo- _baka_ my true first kiss," says Usagi.

"You're a terrible liar, Usagi," says Rei. "You damn-near gave him your-*"

"Shut up, Rei! A true first kiss, Ami," says Usagi, taking Ami's hands in hers, "is with someone worthy; this kiss is sacred and intimate, and you don't give that to just anyone."

"I'm trying to defend your honor and Mamoru _-san_ 's, Usagi," says Rei, rolling her eyes. "Mamoru _-san_ isn't just anyone, and even you aren't that hopelessly stupid to think so low of him-hence you swapping spit and the gods know what else with him last weekend. I happen to think he's worthy myself."

"Again: it's not that big a deal. I kissed a boy when I was eleven," says Ami. "The world didn't radically transform itself."

Usagi and Rei stare at Ami, dumbfounded.

"Don't get me wrong," Ami continues, blushing at the memory, "it was a special moment that I'll treasure. But it wasn't sacred or intimate," she scoffs.

"Who was the boy?" ask Usagi and Rei in unison, their argument forgotten.

"A classmate of mine in grade school; I liked him quite a bit then, but life has happened," says Ami. "I'd like to finish studying, if it's all the same to you." Ami returns to her books.

Usagi draws Rei aside. "Truce while we learn the identity of Ami's first kiss?" she asks.

"I think I can afford to be immature like you in this instance," says Rei, "because I want to know just as badly as you do."

"Why can't those two just acknowledge that they're two birds of a feather?" sighs Luna, looking up at a pair of curious crows through a window.

"...can't we just be friends and forget about Mamo- _baka_ and his dumb kiss?" asks Usagi, apology in her eyes.

"I'll be your friend even if you kiss Mamoru _-san_ a thousand times," says Rei, with an understanding look in her eyes, "because I know you like him just a little bit."

"Never," hisses Usagi. "I won't admit to such slander." She gives Rei a mock-pout.

"Liar," grins Rei.

* * *

Usagi's stomach growls. "I'm hungry," she whines.

"Admit to liking Mamoru _-san_ just a little," says Rei, "and I'll feed you."

"If those are your conditions," says Usagi, "I'd rather starve."

"You're so stubborn!" says Rei.

"I think that food is what prompted Motoki _-san_ to engineer Usagi's date with Mamoru _-san_ in the first place," says Ami, also patting her rumbling tummy. "At any rate, I'm a bit famished myself."

"All of that studying must have worked up an appetite," says Usagi. "Why don't we leave Rei to her strange delusions of me liking Chiba Mamoru and get some food?"

"I can't say whether or not Rei is deluded," says Ami, "but we can go to a restaurant I like."

"That's perfect!" says Usagi happily. She quickly packs Ami's books, then her own. "Let's go!"

"Fine; leave," says Rei. "I can get more work done when I'm not arguing with you."

Usagi makes a face at Rei; she and Ami leave Rei's room.

"Usagi may not want to say it," says Rei aloud, alone in her room, "but she is falling in love with Mamoru _-san_."

Rei glares at a photo of Usagi shoving a giant pink plush bunny back at Mamoru.

 _"You wanted this dumb rabbit, odango," said Mamoru, annoyed-yet-smiling as he pushed the toy back into Usagi's arms. "I could see it in your eyes."_

 _"I didn't want any favors from you, Mamo-baka," scowled Usagi. "I wanted Motoki-san to win it for me," she added under her breath._

 _"I know better than to expect a simple and gracious 'thank you'," said Mamoru, "but you're keeping the rabbit, and that is that." Continuing to smile, Mamoru patted Usagi's head gently. Mamoru and Motoki then left the group of girls before Usagi could protest further._

 _Usagi handed Rei the plush toy. "You like him; you take it," she said._

 _"No; it's yours," said Rei. "I don't want anything that Mamoru-san won for you. Besides, it suits you completely, you overgrown child."_

 _Usagi clutched the toy rabbit, lower lip quivering as she began to wail; all outrage is forgotten._

"Stupid Usagi. When it comes to love, that dimwit is worse than Naru!" Rei spits, smiling ruefully. "At least that poor girl is honest about her feelings...even if they are for Nephrite-that servant of hell."

* * *

"Do you always eat here?" asks Usagi between mouthfuls of food.

"No; only when I'm in this area of town," says Ami.

Kirishima sits at the girls' table uninvited. " _Ojou-sama_ ," he teases, "is performing some kind of _noblesse oblige_."

"Why would you think that, Kirishima _-kun_?" says Ami.

"Because there's no other reason why a rich girl like you would eat here," scoffs Sawamura.

"What's _noblesse oblige_?" wonders Usagi.

"They think I'm simply doing Okubo _-kun_ a favor by eating here," says Ami calmly, "but that's not the case at all."

"How can you think that Ami looks down on people?" says Usagi, locking her eyes onto Kirishima's. "Maybe she just likes the food!"

"No; she isn't here simply for the food," says Okubo after serving a customer. "Mizuno _-san_ 's really here for the _company,"_ he adds, placing a hand on Ami's shoulder with a smile.

Ami stares at Okubo, confused.

"We haven't seen much out of Kuwabara _-san_ lately, though," Okubo continues.

"I see," says Ami. Her shoulders slump slightly.

Usagi notes Ami's movements. "What is 'Kuwabara _-san_ ' like?" she asks.

"He's a great man," says Okubo with conviction. Sawamura and Kirishima nod in agreement.

"From what I remember," adds Ami, "Kazu-ahem...Kuwabara _-san_ has always been a kind and valiant person-if a bit reckless."

"Yes, _ojou-sama_ ," grins Okubo knowingly. He grabs Sawamura and Kirishima's heads and clonks them together. "Of course, even if you were here to do a favor for me," he continues, scowling at his two friends, "I haven't once uttered a word of complaint."

The other two boys glare at Okubo, rubbing their heads.

"Please forgive their rudeness, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Okubo. "They're still a bit immature."

"The bastard's still carrying a torch himself," mutters Kirishima.

"I have to work in the kitchen for the rest of my shift," says Okubo. "It's getting late, Mizuno _-san_ ," he adds, "so I'd like it if you and your friend wait until I'm done for the day."

"I suppose I can do that, Okubo _-kun_ ," says Ami.

Okubo leaves for the kitchen; Sawamura and Kirishima follow the heavy-set boy out of the dining hall.

"What was that about?" asks Usagi.

"Okubo _-kun_ had a crush on me during grade school," says Ami, "but I couldn't return his feelings."

"Because of that other boy you liked at the time," grins Usagi. "The one you kissed."

"Are you still thinking about that?" demands Ami.

"This 'Kuwabara _-san_ ': he was the boy you had kissed back then, wasn't he?" says Usagi.

"The possibility is equal to the probability that you and Mamoru _-san_ did _more than kiss_ during your date," says Ami with a smirk. She resumes eating her meal.

Usagi, blushing, stammers wordlessly; unable to counter Ami.

* * *

"We'll escort _ojou-sama_ home," says Sawamura, grinning at Okubo and Usagi. "You take her friend home and see what her father has to say."

Okubo shakes his head, then turns to Usagi. "Let's go," he says.

"Okay," says Usagi, leaving with Okubo.

"Come along, _ojou-sama_ ," says Kirishima. "We have to go to school tomorrow, too."

"I understand that much, Kirishima _-kun_ ," says Ami, grinning.

Twenty minutes later, Ami and the two boys arrive outside Ami's house.

Ami pulls out her keys and climbs up the few stairs to her door. "You two don't have to call me _ojou-sama_ ," she says. "I never demanded that."

Sawamura smirks. "We're teasing you, Mizuno _-san_ ," he says. "Don't take it to heart."

"We've missed you," adds Kirishima, "and I'm sure _he_ misses you too."

"My point is that you three don't have to be so formal with me," says Ami. "Can't we be on a first-name basis?"

"Only one man has earned that privilege," says Sawamura.

"He's the guy who tamed a wild, unruly horse for you," adds Kirishima.

"You two and Okubo _-kun_ are all just as conceited as he is," says Ami, giggling. "Good night." She enters her house.

* * *

"I understand that you have to study to keep your job," says Usagi, "but why do I need to study with you?"

"I just thought it would be nice to study with someone smarter than my friends," says Okubo. "It'll be easier for me to maintain my grades that way."

"You are in very poor hands, then, sir," says Shingo, showing Okubo one of Usagi's graded tests.

"Wow! A forty-three?" says Okubo in awe.

"You're impressed by this?" balks Shingo. Usagi stares at Okubo in surprise.

"You don't know how dense my friends are," Okubo sighs.

"To be fair, this is chemistry," says Usagi. "It's all HO-twos and C-three N-fours."

"She's good at home economics somehow," scoffs Shingo.

"Go to your room, you brat!" spits Usagi.

"Fine; I'll leave you alone with your delinquent boyfriend," grins Shingo, leaving the living room.

"Ignore him, please," says Usagi, annoyed.

"I have three of them," whispers Okubo, picking up a framed picture of a younger Usagi with her family. "And I don't even have a dad to help me keep them in line."

"Your mom's on her own?" asks Usagi. "Is that why you're working?"

Okubo nods. "That isn't the only reason, though," he says.

"Is it because of Kuwabara _-san_?" asks Usagi.

"He went through hell for me," says Okubo. "That's why I...I feel guilty about my feelings."

"For Ami?" asks Usagi.

Okubo stares at Usagi.

"I noticed that you kept sneaking a couple of extra dumplings her way," continues Usagi.

"I didn't sneak them; I paid for them out of my own pocket," says Okubo, his pride wounded.

"My point stands, though: do you still like her?" Usagi asks.

"It's pretty obvious, isn't it?" says Okubo, resigned.

"Then you can try to win her heart again!" says Usagi.

Okubo laughs, his expression somewhat bitter. "Even if I wanted to compete," he says, "I'd lose against Kuwabara _-san_."

"Why? You and Kuwabara _-san_ are in the same fix," says Usagi. "Both of you attend a school far away from our school in Juuban."

"I won't compete if it comes to that," says Okubo, serious. "Mizuno _-san_ and Kuwabara _-san_...favored each other back then."

"Ha! I knew it! I was right!" says Usagi, throwing up a victory sign.

Okubo stares at Usagi, befuddled.

"It's...a feminine spat. We girls tend to be catty sometimes," says Usagi.

"Cats aren't nearly as irrational as teenage girls," mutters Luna to herself from her perch atop the couch.

"Did you and Mizuno _-san_ have an argument?" asks Okubo.

"What-Ami and I? No," says Usagi, pouting, "my other _dumb_ friend, Rei. She's angry because I did something stupid," Usagi continues, tears forming in her eyes, "and she won't let it go-even though I apologized!"

Okubo blinks.

"I mean I never really wanted to kiss the stupid jerk-he came on to me!" Usagi continues.

"You kissed a boy that your friend liked?" asks Okubo.

Usagi nods, ashamed. "Rei wants me to say that I like him-because she likes him," she whines.

"Yet you kissed the guy," says Okubo.

"But I don't like him! He's a cute guy and a great kisser," Usagi says, blushing. She shakes her head. "But he has the personality of a troll!" Usagi continues. "I only ended up kissing him because... He said it was to help me practice-it wasn't a _real_ kiss!"

Okubo shakes his head. "I never said it was a kiss that meant anything," he says. "Then again, you're a pretty girl; some guys will say or do anything to...get close to a pretty girl." Okubo scratches his nose with his little finger, smiling about a pleasant memory.

"This guy keeps calling me some variant of ' _odango-atama_ ' because of my hairstyle!" Usagi hisses. "Or, if he gets bored with that," she continues, "he mocks my grades-he's even worse than my stupid brother upstairs!"

"Mamoru _-san_ just wants you to improve!" shouts Shingo, poking his head out of his room.

"This isn't your business, Shingo!" spits Usagi.

"I can hear you from my room, _aneki_!" quips Shingo.

Usagi fumes while Okubo laughs heartily.

"You're not helping matters!" says Usagi to Okubo.

"I'm sorry," Okubo grins. "I'm thinking about Kuwabara _-san_ and his older sister."

"I'm not sure I'm going to like Kuwabara _-san_ if he's remotely like Shingo," says Usagi, glowering at Okubo.

Okubo sighs. "As I'm probably out of line," he says, "I think I'd better go home now."

"Shingo is just being...Shingo," says Usagi, shaking her fist at Shingo. "Will you be okay heading home?" she adds.

"Yeah; I'll meet up with Sawamura and Kirishima," says Okubo as he packs away his books. "Thank you again, Tsukino _-san_ ," he continues, bowing.

"Please; just call me Usagi," says Usagi.

"All right, Usagi _-san_. Good night," says Okubo, opening the door.

"Good night, Okubo _-san_ ," says Usagi. "Hopefully, I'll learn your first name next time we see each other."

Okubo nods, then leaves Usagi's house.

Usagi shuts the door and sighs.

"Are you seriously in love with that guy?" asks Shingo teasingly.

"No," says Usagi.

"What about Mamoru _-san_?" Shingo continues.

"You don't know what a creep Mamoru can be!" spits Usagi.

"But you kissed the so-called creep!" counters Shingo, grinning. "Besides, if he makes you this angry," he continues, "I'd say he's excellent brother-in-law material: practically one of the family already."

Usagi throws a couch pillow at Shingo.

* * *

Kuwabara approaches Hikawa Shrine late at night, exhausted. He sits on the steps outside the temple.

"Shit," he spits. " _Aneki_ told me to 'go to Genkai', but I don't know where the hell he is!"

Rei steps outside in her pajamas, tired. "Excuse me, sir," she says. "The shrine is closed for the evening."

Kuwabara stares at Rei, embarrassed as he stands to his feet. "I'm sorry for disturbing you," he says, bowing. "I'm looking for..." Kuwabara trails off, studying Rei carefully.

Rei likewise studies Kuwabara.

"You...have strong _reiki_ , miss," Kuwabara continues after a moment.

"And your _reikan_ is almost as strong as your _reiatsu_ ," says Rei, trembling. "That and your own _reiki_ are so incredible that it's almost crushing me."

 _It would be so awesome if this cute girl were Genkai,_ thinks Kuwabara. "Do you know of Genkai?" he asks. "I'm suffering from a bit of...power incontinence, so to speak," Kuwabara continues, "and I was told that Genkai could help me fix it."

"I have heard of Genkai," says Rei, "but that person is pretty remote."

"Fuck that!" mutters Kuwabara under his breath. He grabs Rei's hands. "You're spiritually strong," Kuwabara says, grinning. "Maybe you can help me!"

Rei wrenches her hands free of Kuwabara's grip, staring at the tall delinquent's visible aura. _This guy's not even aware of how strong he really is!_ she says to herself.

"Come on," says Kuwabara. "Can't you help?"

"No!" says Rei. "You are far beyond my abilities," she continues. "You have so much power that it doesn't know where to go-and if you sense so much as a baby _kappa's_ sneeze, your body locks up."

"That's right!" says Kuwabara. "See, you can help!"

Rei shakes her head. "Genkai is the only person who can help you deal with your energy," she says. "Let me see if my grandfather has a map." Rei reenters the temple.

Kuwabara sits back down on the steps; annoyed, he punches his rucksack.

* * *

" _Ojiisan_ ," says Rei, "you're awake?"

"Some kind of spiritual thunderstorm is outside the temple," says Rei's grandfather, rubbing his eyes. "I have to calm it."

"No; it's just a teenage boy with a stupid hairdo and a great deal of spiritual power he can't control," says Rei. "I need to know if you have a map to Genkai's temple."

"Not a paper map," says Rei's grandfather. "Bring this boy inside. He has to draw the map himself."

Rei stares at her grandfather. "But he doesn't even know where Genkai-*" she starts, but her grandfather raises his hand.

"Just bring the young man to me," says Rei's grandfather. "Genkai is reclusive," he explains. "That one's temple won't be on any local maps."

* * *

Seated on the roof of her temple, Genkai lights a cigarette. She chuckles as a small group of travellers chant at the invisible _kekkai_ blocking the stairs.

 _Pitiful,_ snorts Genkai to herself. _A child with strong enough reiatsu could simply walk through that kekkai as though it were air._

A small, child-faced monk starts up the steps, astonishing the travellers as if to illustrate Genkai's point.

Shaking her head, Genkai continues musing aloud. "Perhaps I shouldn't have been such a lazy bitch," she says. "I could have simply sought out prospective candidates to be my successor-ah!"

Genkai trembles a moment, her cigarette dropping to the tiles. _It appears I've attracted a live one,_ she says to herself, smirking. _From Hikawa Shrine. That's not Hino's granddaughter, though; that energy's too unfocused, even with Hino guiding my seeker's hand._

Genkai picks up her cigarette, then rises to her feet. "It's a relief to know that I might have something to work with after all," she says aloud.

* * *

Kuwabara stares at the newly-drawn map as he, Rei, and Rei's grandfather leave the temple.

"How did he do this?" Kuwabara asks.

" _Ojiisan_ didn't do it," says Rei. "You did."

"And this should lead me to Genkai's temple, right?" asks Kuwabara.

"Yes," says Rei's grandfather. "Your _reikan_ is the strongest I've seen," he continues. "All I did, if anything, is show you what to look for."

Kuwabara bows. "Thank you, Hino _-san_ ," he says.

"I'm grateful for the chance to help you again, young man," says Rei's grandfather.

"That's right," says Rei. "You did say that you two had met before."

"It was three years ago," says Rei's grandfather. "You were at school practicing for a music recital, so you missed it. This young man flew into the shrine with a little lady on an _entei_."

 _He was really strong even back then if he could pacify and ride an entei,_ Rei muses silently. _And what type of person was the other rider?_

"Everyone at school at the time thought it was just a disagreeable horse," says Kuwabara. "My friend-the girl that rode with me-and I were the only ones who could see the flames on it," Kuwabara continues, "and I was the only one that knew it was a _ba-yokai_. The girl thought it was a strange horse, and probably didn't realize that the _entei_ flew us all the way here."

"But...the searing flames..." Rei wonders aloud. "You either have to be strong enough for the _entei_ to respect you, or pure enough for it to trust you," she says to Kuwabara.

"Maybe it recognized that Mizuno _-san_ and I were just schoolchildren and weren't a threat," Kuwabara chuckles, blushing slightly. He absently touches his lips.

 _Mizuno...san?_ says Rei to herself, staring at Kuwabara.

"I'm off," says Kuwabara, turning to leave the shrine.

"Wait!" says Rei. "What's your name?"

"I am Kuwabara Kazuma," says Kuwabara, "and you two have my thanks." Kuwabara leaves.

"Ah," says Rei's grandfather. "He must be from _that_ Kuwabara clan. Very strong spiritual powers in the Kuwabara family."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, after Rei's grandfather returned to bed, Rei sneaks into the chamber with the sacred flame.

 _I have to clear all distractions from my mind,_ says Rei to herself, _so I may as well get this off my chest._

Rei closes her eyes. _That guy, Kuwabara Kazuma: he isn't handsome,_ Rei continues, _but he's not too hard on the eyes. Ojiisan could easily stick me with worse than him-though I know he was just teasing me again._

 _Still, I have to find out,_ Rei resolves silently as she begins a ritual chant. "I ask the sacred flame to show me the one in Kuwabara Kazuma's thoughts," she says aloud as her eyes open. "The one called 'Mizuno _-san_ '."

The flame reveals an image of a grade school-age girl with hair just below shoulder-length. _That girl looks familiar,_ says Rei silently, _but that was what she looked like three years ago, in Kuwabara's mind._

Rei takes a deep breath. "Reveal to me the current presence of this girl you have shown me, oh flame," Rei continues. _And please let it be another girl named Mizuno,_ she adds silently.

The flame shifts to...Ami's bedroom; Ami playfully taps a golden metal button on a string.

Rei relaxes. "Thank you, sacred flame." She leaves the chamber, exits the temple, and runs outside the shrine-still in her pajamas.

Trembling, Rei shakes her fist to the heavens. "Damn it!" she shrieks, startling a few sleeping crows within the shrine. "I have no luck!"

* * *

"You're just jealous!" glowers Naru. She bolts upright from her swing and starts to walk away.

"I don't like this!" says Usagi, as she runs after Naru; Usagi grabs Naru's hands. "Usually, I'm the flake regarding boys, and you're the voice of reason."

"I didn't do anything drastic!" Naru blurts guiltily, freeing her hands.

Usagi stares at Naru, mind reeling. _That monster... Nephrite had better not have done that to her,_ she says to herself as her face sets into a dark scowl, _or I'll kill him personally._

"Usagi?" says Naru gently.

Usagi calms herself, looking into Naru's eyes. "When," she asks carefully, "did you and Sanjouin _-san_...?"

"Become intimate?" asks Naru. "It's not a big deal," she continues with a haughty affect. "We're not children, you know, Usagi."

 _That manipulative, rotten..._ seethes Usagi silently. _There's no hope for it,_ she resolves to herself. _I have to snap Naru out of this before "Sanjouin" hurts her anymore._

Naru studies Usagi.

Usagi glares at Naru. "You're quite mature, Naru _-san_ ," she says sarcastically. "Being intimate with a man five years older than you that you've known for all of seven weeks is very adult."

"I told you that we didn't get that far!" says Naru, defensive.

 _Oh, no,_ says Usagi to herself. _Naru looks the way I do when I'm trying to justify something stupid I did,_ she continues, _and...I'm acting like Rei._

"And anyway, so what if I did give Sanjouin _-san_ my body-which I didn't?" continues Naru. "At least if I did, I gave myself to someone I _like_!"

Usagi fumes. "I didn't do anything with Mamo- _baka_!" she howls, "Besides; that was a practice kiss," she adds, blushing. "It didn't mean anything at all!"

"Then why are you blushing?" asks Naru quietly.

Usagi trembles, unable to answer Naru.

Naru squares her shoulders. "I shouldn't have said that you were jealous of me," she says calmly. "You're obviously worried about me."

Usagi nods.

"It's not clear-cut, is it?" says Naru, a gentle, bemused smile on her face. "Men are confusing."

"Yeah," says Usagi, grinning as she fights back tears. "They are."


	13. Elixir 6

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **6**_ : Kuwabara's body only took what it needed.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

"Sanjouin _-san_!" says Naru eagerly. "This is the school. He should be getting out."

"So, this Kuwabara fellow protected you from attackers, Naru _-san_?" asks Sanjouin as he parks outside Sarayashiki Middle, already scanning the school for useful energy.

Naru nods.

"I personally want to thank him," says Sanjouin gaily. _And you, you silly, innocent girl,_ he muses crudely. _I love the way you inadvertently manage to save my ass._

"Are you okay, Sanjouin _-san_?" asks Naru, noting Sanjouin's twisted grin.

Sanjouin laughs it off. "I'm in a great mood, actually," he says. "I have a difficult client who's rather exacting in her demands," Sanjouin continues, "but I think I may be able to placate her with a completed minor project and buy myself some time."

"What do you need more time for?" Naru asks.

Sanjouin sighs. "Do you remember that dinner party we went to, where the princess was showing off her crown jewel?"

"A bit," says Naru. "My memory is fuzzy."

"They were serving alcohol at that party," says Sanjouin smoothly. "They really should have made sure non-alcoholic beverages were available."

"As often as you've let me sip cognac?" says Naru wryly.

"Yeah-I'm the worst one to talk, right?" Sanjouin chuckles. "I must be a terrible influence on you."

"I honestly don't know if you mean well or not," says Naru. _Why can't his smiles reach his eyes?_ she wonders silently.

"I'm a corporate executive," says Sanjouin, "so some of my actions won't make sense. Anyway," he continues, stroking Naru's cheek, "why does it matter? We're having fun together, aren't we?"

Naru blushes as she nods.

"I thought so. About my client: she has me searching for something for a project of hers," continues Sanjouin, "which will allow her to eliminate her competition. My company's part of a very powerful and exclusive _zaibatsu_."

"What happens if you don't find what you're looking for?" asks Naru.

"Let's just say that I don't want to end up like the last guy handling her projects," says Sanjouin ruefully, privately glad to vent truthfully to Naru. "My client is a ruthless bitch," he continues, "and my predecessor learned that the hard way." _When Her Majesty put my incompetent colleague Jadeite under glass,_ Sanjouin adds silently.

"I guess I'm keeping you from important work, then," says Naru.

"Not at all," says Sanjouin. "Kuwabara may actually be able to help me out in a project if he's as strong as you've said."

* * *

Ken heads to the back of the school, followed by Kuwabara.

" _Oi_ , Saotome!" says Kuwabara, stopping Ken. "We have to leave through the front gate."

"Damn it, Kuwabara! Even like this," Ken spits, "I can smell that foul miasma out front. It's after us, too."

"Yeah," says Kuwabara, "I sensed something probing us. But whatever it is, it won't jump us in front of the school."

"No," says Ken, "but I didn't survive the Sengoku period by being careless."

"Of course not-you just swung your sword at shit until it died," scoffs Kuwabara.

"I ain't going out the front," says Ken, leaping over the fence. "See you next month."

"Take care, _akita_ -ears," Kuwabara quips.

"Piss off!" says Ken. "And be careful," he adds as he walks away.

Kuwabara shrugs as he leaves the back gate.

* * *

Kuwabara stares at Sanjouin as the latter continues speaking.

"Naru _-san_ ," Sanjouin continues, "told me all about your timely assistance in her misadventure."

Kuwabara shrugs. "It was nothing," he says, wary of Sanjouin's joviality. _Something's fake about this bastard,_ Kuwabara thinks. _He's like a tiger in the brush waiting to strike._

Sanjouin, meanwhile, notes an object in Kuwabara's pocket. "Don't tell me you're that happy to see Naru _-san_?" he teases.

Kuwabara scowls, blushing; he removes the object from his pants pocket. "It's a piece of an old _bokudo_ ," Kuwabara says. "It was broken some time ago." He hands the broken _bokudo_ tip to Sanjouin.

 _This piece of wood has old energies attached to it,_ notes Sanjouin silently, _but it has even more of this boy's energy. Magnificent energy that will power the Dark Kingdom for centuries._ He hands Kuwabara back the _bokudo_ piece.

"You...seem rather excited over a chunk of wood," says Kuwabara quizzically.

"I am," says Sanjouin all-too truthfully. "Naru _-san_ told me you defended her with a steel pipe," he continues.

"So?" asks Kuwabara.

"You seem to lean naturally towards swordsmanship," says Sanjouin. "Have you ever been formally trained in _kendo_?"

Kuwabara shakes his head. "My family could never afford it," he says.

"I have no problems sponsoring someone with your incredible potential," says Sanjouin as he heads to his car. He retrieves a _bokudo_ from the trunk, infusing it with a _youma_.

Kuwabara immediately stiffens, sensing the brief burst of dark power from Sanjouin.

Sanjouin returns to Kuwabara and Naru, presenting the _bokudo_ to Kuwabara. "I'd like you to enroll in classes," he says, "with everything paid in full."

* * *

Near Sarayashiki Middle; Usagi, Ami, Luna, and Rei hide with Ken behind a row of bushes.

Ami gasps. _Kazuma-san has wanted to practice_ _ **kendo**_ _for a long time,_ she says to herself.

"If Nephrite gets his hooks into Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Rei, trembling, "who knows what will happen?"

"Wasn't Nephrite looking for the _ginzuishou_?" Usagi asks Luna.

"Tell the cat she can go ahead and talk," hisses Ken.

" _Inuyokai_ are so irritating," says Luna. "Still, Kuwabara does have incredible energy potential. It would be dangerous for the Dark Kingdom to have it," she continues, "especially if Nephrite twists Kuwabara's mind to get it."

"I don't even want to imagine what kind of _youma_ Kuwabara _-kun's_ energy would fuel," says Rei.

"Also, Nephrite is acting like a hunted animal," adds Ami. "He hasn't had any more luck in finding the _ginzuishou_ than we have. Targeting Ka-Kuwabara _-san_ ," she continues, "must be a shot in the dark to buy himself time."

"Time for what?" asks Usagi.

"That I don't know," says Ami, "but we definitely have to prevent Nephrite from succeeding."

"I'm not worried," scoffs Ken. "Even Kuwabara can see the evil power rolling off that guy. He ain't that stupid."

Kuwabara bows respectfully to Sanjouin, but does not accept the _bokudo_. He walks away from Sanjouin and Naru.

Naru is shocked. "I'll try to get him to change his mind, Sanjouin _-san_!" she shouts back to Sanjouin as she follows Kuwabara away from Sanjouin.

Sanjouin tenses his fists briefly, then returns to his car with the _youma_ -tainted _bokudo_. He enters the car and leaves Sarayashiki Middle.

* * *

Naru catches up with Kuwabara as the delinquent starts to head home; she grabs his arm.

"Naru _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, "I'm not going to change my mind."

"But Sanjouin _-san_ really just wants to help!" says Naru. "He comes off as arrogant sometimes," she continues, "but I know he has a good heart."

"That might be," says Kuwabara, "but I don't need _kendo_ lessons." He notes Rei hiding behind a bush. " _Oi_ , Hino _-san_!" he says."

Rei stumbles out with Ken behind her, both pushed forward by Usagi. Ami blushes, nervously petting Luna's head.

"Like him that much, eh?" asks Usagi, poking Ami's arm gently.

Trembling, Ami raises a finger to her lips. "I'm just relieved that Kuwabara _-san_ refused," she whispers faintly, "that's all."

Ken shakes his head as he approaches Kuwabara and Naru. "I can't seem to get away from school," he says. "At least I ran into this cute girl. You know her?" Ken asks.

Kuwabara nods. "She and her grandfather helped me out with a problem a few months back," he says.

Rei pulls Kuwabara aside as Ken talks to an upset Naru. "Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Rei, holding Kuwabara's hands, "I just want you to know that you were right not to trust that guy."

"Who is he?" asks Kuwabara. "Why did he want me to have that _bokudo_ in my hand?"

"All you need to know about Sanjouin," says Rei, scowling, "is that he's very dangerous. His intent is wicked."

"Naru _-san_ doesn't seem to think so," says Kuwabara, "and she doesn't seem to be intimidated or under any control."

"Unfortunately, she's a love-struck fourteen year-old girl," sighs Rei.

"So you think Sanjouin's managed to work his way into her pants?" asks Kuwabara.

"I don't want to know the answer to that," says Rei. "Just stay away from him."

"He is stronger than he lets on," says Kuwabara, "but I'm not sure how much stronger."

"Stay on guard, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Rei.

Kuwabara nods. "Thanks for the warning, Hino _-san_ ," he says as he leaves.

Naru slaps Ken and walks away.

"I know the truth hurts," spits Ken, rubbing his cheek before he chases after Naru, "but I'm still gonna follow you home, kid."

Rei rejoins Usagi, Luna, and Ami as Ken leaves. "I think I handled that well on my own," she says, frustrated with Usagi.

"You're the only other one who actually met him," says Usagi, eyes wide, "and Ami's so hopelessly shy."

Rei crouches down, rubbing Ami's back. "Aw, is Ami _-chan_ nervous around Kazuma _-san_?" she teases.

"Oh, be quiet," Ami hisses as she stands. "Let's just head to Hikawa Shrine-we have a lot of studying to do." Ami walks off, her cheeks tinged with red.

 _Ami is so in love!_ squeal Usagi and Rei silently.

* * *

Nephrite floats above the three girls as he follows them to Hikawa Shrine.

 _These little twits always seem to be nearby when Sailor Moon and her cohorts appear to foil my plans,_ he muses. _Are these girls allied with those miserable twats in some way...?_

Below, Ami halts her progress, her body tense. She stalks away from Rei and Usagi.

 _That one has a lot of intense energy directed at Kuwabara,_ continues Nephrite as he studies Ami, _much like the energy Naru pointed my way. Hell,_ he continues, _this girl's emotions are even stronger._

Nephrite snaps his fingers. _If I can get Kuwabara's energy and eliminate a foe,_ he says to himself, _I'll definitely have more room to find the ginzuishou._

 _Yes! I'll use those girls' concern for Naru against them. Besides,_ continues Nephrite, _I should reward my Naru-chan for being so unwittingly useful to me. It'll be fun to finish my claim on her,_ he adds, blushing slightly.

* * *

"Were you raised by wolves!?" Naru spits at Ken.

"Don't insult me!" seethes Ken. "I don't want to rule your damn life, believe me. It's just that if your best friend-that girl Usagi-is warning you about Sanjouin," he continues, "then maybe there's something to it!"

"Usagi means well," sighs Naru, "but she's a bit flaky."

"All the more reason to be on guard, if a flaky girl thinks something's wrong with the guy," says Ken, stern. "I imagine someone like Usagi would fall for a pretty-boy like Sanjouin."

"That shows how little you really know Usagi," says Naru. "She likes cute guys, but she doesn't automatically give them a pass. There's this one handsome college student she can't stand because he teases her so much. And then there's Sanjouin _-san_ ," Naru adds wryly, "who Usagi seems to hate even more."

"That's because the guy's manipulating you!" snarls Ken. "You may not want to hear it," he continues, "but I tell it like it is."

"Why would he want to manipulate me?" asks Naru, glaring at Ken.

"I don't know," says Ken. "I just hope you don't figure it out the hard way." Ken leaves Naru outside the _**Osa*P**_ shop.

Naru sits down in front of the shop. _Everyone's warning me,_ she says to herself. _Usagi, Umino-though I think he's definitely jealous-and now, this jerk I don't even know._

Naru sighs as she pulls out a necklace with a heart-shaped crystal pendant. _Could they...all be wrong?_ Naru wonders.

* * *

Ken, reverted to his true form, kicks in the door to an ancient Japanese castle. "'...raised by wolves...'" he mutters. "Humans are so stupid!"

"I have known this for centuries," says Sesshoumaru, languidly drinking a cup of blood.

"You'd better had gotten that from a blood bank," spits Ken.

"Someone committed suicide outside my castle," says Sesshoumaru. "I hate to waste fresh meat."

"You do realize that Koenma can't overlook you consuming human flesh forever," says Ken, "even if you didn't kill the humans to get it."

"I care not what that officious god-child thinks," says Sesshoumaru.

"You ain't even supposed to be here!" snarls Ken. "You were told to clear out of Ningenkai during the Heian era."

"I was born in Ningenkai, Inuyasha," counters Sesshoumaru. "I will allow no one to drive me from my rightful home."

"Makai's having a big power struggle," says Ken, pulling out a bowl of ramen. "One of the _mazoku_ is about to bite it."

"Raizen," says Sesshoumaru, "refused to eat human meat after mating with a human. His inflexibility in dealing with humans has cost him his life."

Ken sighs, irritated as he eats his ramen.

"I have no desire to engage in meaningless squabbles with those three over a place such as Makai," Sesshoumaru continues. "It is beneath me."

"You could restore order, you jackass," spits Ken between bites of ramen.

Sesshoumaru glares at Ken. "It is curious, though: it seems the only way a human can effectively kill a powerful _yokai_ is to seduce one," he says.

Ken shakes his head. "I don't feel like alleviating your boredom today," he sneers. "Why not just go outside and stay out for some fresh air, instead of scavenging human remains?"

"So, the half-breed has finally learned not to rise to easy bait," says Sesshoumaru. "Adequate for a cur such as you."

"I won't kill you today," says Ken as he leaves the dark dining hall.

"When will he learn proper respect, Sesshoumaru _-sama_!?" says Jaken, fuming. "You can't continue to allow him to do this while under your roof-*"

Sesshoumaru hits Jaken with a book. "Silence," he orders.

* * *

As classes at Juuban Middle draw to a close, Sanjouin pulls up in front of the school. He steps out of his car and stands outside the school as the bell rings.

A few minutes later, Naru runs out, excited. She rushes toward Sanjouin.

"Surprised?" asks Sanjouin.

Naru stares at Sanjouin as she nods. "I thought you'd be busy until tonight," she says.

"I still have some work to do," says Sanjouin, "but I thought you'd like to spend the weekend with me. I admit it's rather impulsive," he adds.

"I...I don't mind," says Naru, blushing.

"That's great," says Sanjouin, touching Naru's chin. "I'd like to give you a special, unforgettable night," he adds, staring into Naru's eyes with genuine, unvoiced intensity.

"I'll...go home and pack," says Naru.

Sanjouin grabs Naru's shoulders gently before Naru can run off. "Just to let you know what you're in for," he says as he strokes Naru's lower lip.

 _Is...he going to...in front of the school...?_ gasps Naru silently.

Sanjouin kisses Naru, looking towards the window at Naru's classroom as he ends the kiss; a thin string of saliva snaps between them.

Naru trembles a moment, then smiles at Sanjouin and rushes away from the school.

Sanjouin smirks at the window, raising his middle finger.

* * *

Usagi fumes. "We can't let him get away with that!" she hisses. "He's mocking us!"

"He's trying to bait us," says Ami calmly. "Unfortunately, we must meet his challenge."

"I'd think better of him if he'd quit dragging Naru into this," says Usagi.

Ami sighs. "You're not thinking clearly," she says, standing with her packed book bag. "Please go home or to the Arcade." Ami starts to leave.

"Wait; where are _you_ going?" Usagi asks.

"To the library," Ami says coolly as she leaves.

Usagi stares after Ami. _She's not herself,_ she muses. _I think Nephrite really tweaked Ami with that kiss._

Usagi packs her book bag. _Even without us being senshi,_ she continues, _Naru really is perfect bait. I can't believe she's being more stupid than I am over a guy! Especially that guy!_

* * *

Ami sighs, then enters Sanjouin's office, finding it empty. _He's going to attempt to get under my skin,_ she says to herself as she sits down in a chair in front of Sanjouin's desk. _His arrogance will make him sloppy,_ Ami continues, clutching her purse, _and I'll take him out before he can react._

In a nearby men's restroom, Sanjouin studies a mirror, secretly observing Ami. _Let her wait,_ he sneers silently. _She has no idea who she's dealing with._

Twenty minutes pass without any sign of Sanjouin. Sighing, Ami pulls out a book and notepad, preparing to study.

Sanjouin saunters into the office, snatching away Ami's book. "I'm sorry," he smirks. "I wasn't aware that my office was your private study hall."

"I had only just started, Sanjouin _-san_ ," says Ami calmly. "As you're a busy executive," she continues, "I figured that you were running behind schedule."

"With all due respect," sneers Sanjouin as he hands Ami back her book, "I don't operate on your schedule." He sits at his desk, then laces his fingers together, looking over his hands. "State your business, young lady; my time is valuable."

"It appears I'm delaying you from an important engagement...with my classmate, Osaka Naru," says Ami, glaring at Sanjouin.

"What business is that of yours?" demands Sanjouin.

"The business of a concerned friend," says Ami.

"And this concern of yours is what?" says Sanjouin. "That I'm about to give Naru the night of her life as I finish fucking her senseless?"

Ami stares at Sanjouin, shocked at his crude language.

"Don't have the vapors, little girl," spits Sanjouin. "Naru is woman enough to handle me," he continues, grinning. "I admire her boldness."

"I doubt you're capable of admiring anyone," Ami scowls.

"Who the hell are you to judge me?" sneers Sanjouin. "Naru offered herself to me freely: her young, supple breasts; her perfectly tight little ass."

"Because she cares for you and trusts you," says Ami. "You have no right to use her."

Sanjouin moves from his desk and closes in on Ami in a fluid motion, then backhands Ami. "I can do what I wish with her!" he snarls. "You're not going to condemn me, you little bitch!"

Ami touches her cheek, then studies the blood on her hands. "I wonder what would happen if Naru _-san_ saw you like this," she says, smiling.

"Are you really going to fault me because my loins ache to pop Naru's last delicious cherry," says Sanjouin, "or are you just yearning for 'Kazuma _-san_ ' to do to _you_ what I've been up to with Naru?"

Ami trembles.

"Don't bother hiding it, girl," Sanjouin hisses into Ami's ear. "I know all about your feelings for him."

"He has nothing to do with this," says Ami, struggling to remain calm. "Let Naru _-san_ alone."

Sanjouin laughs harshly. "You must have a truly strong desire to stop me," he says. "You managed to screw up enough courage to face me, after all."

Ami glares at Sanjouin.

"How far can you push this sudden courage and boldness?" Sanjouin purrs seductively. "You're usually so timid, after all."

"What are you getting at, Sanjouin _-san_?" asks Ami, cold.

"What the hell will you do to stop me?" Sanjouin spits.

"Whatever it takes," says Ami with conviction.

"I see," says Sanjouin, grinning. He pulls a card out of his pocket and hands it to Ami. "That has my home address on it," he continues. "Come at me if you're woman enough."

Ami glowers at the card.

Sanjouin sits on his desk. "Now, as we're done," he says, "get out, or I'll have you thrown out. I don't care which."

Sullen, Ami leaves Sanjouin's office without a word.

Sanjouin snickers.

* * *

In the kitchen at home, Kuwabara takes out a carton of orange juice.

"If you drink out of that carton, Kazu," says Shizuru, not looking up from her book, "I will kill you."

Kuwabara scowls in Shizuru's direction, then pulls a glass out of the cabinet.

"Something's wrong, _otouto_ ," Shizuru continues, "so you may as well talk to me about it."

Kuwabara tenses his fist. "I can't put my finger on it, _aneki_ ," he says, "but I ran into something dangerous after school the other day."

"It must be really dangerous for you to have sense enough to steer clear of it," says Shizuru, turning a page in her book.

"My _reikan_ isn't just taking residence in my body, you know," says Kuwabara.

"Come now," says Shizuru, smiling slightly. "As your older sister, it's my job to tease you."

"I just have a feeling that..." Kuwabara trails off as the phone rings.

"Pick it up," says Shizuru. "It's for you."

Kuwabara walks to the phone and answers it. " _Moshi-moshi_. Kuwabara residence," he says.

"Kuwabara Kazuma," says the voice on the other end, "This is Sanjouin Masato. I'm glad to speak with you again."

"Somehow, I don't think you're renewing your offer of _kendo_ lessons, Sanjouin _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, irritation evident in his voice.

"You'd be correct," says Sanjouin. "Please direct your attention to the TV."

Kuwabara complies, scowling as Sanjouin grins at him and Shizuru on the television.

"Kuwabara Shizuru has clearly received all the good looks in your family," Sanjouin continues.

"Fuck off, asshole," says Shizuru.

"Such a refreshingly dirty mouth, Shizuru _-san_ ," says Sanjouin.

"What the hell do you want?" Kuwabara demands.

"I wasn't lying when I said you have incredible potential," says Sanjouin. "I insist on having the opportunity to put you to the test."

Kuwabara stares at Sanjouin.

"You won't refuse my challenge," continues Sanjouin, "because you place a high value on the lives of others. Especially _this_ other," he says, snapping his fingers.

The television image switches to a dark room, where Ami is tied to a chair.

"Recognize her?" asks Sanjouin. "If she means anything to you-and she does-you will come, and come alone," he continues as the image reverts to Sanjouin in his office. "If you fail to find me by tomorrow morning, or if you bring any help, your lovely friend will die."

"Shouldn't you tell me where you are?" says Kuwabara.

"Locating me is a simple matter for one with your talents," says Sanjouin, "but you'll have to do it on your own-I don't want you consulting Hikawa Shrine or that old woman."

Kuwabara curses under his breath.

"Don't worry: you've met me before," continues Sanjouin, "and I'll make it laughably easy for you to find me," he adds, raising his _reiatsu_.

Kuwabara and Shizuru's eyes widen, Shizuru dropping her cigarette.

"Is that a good bead for you, Kuwabara _-san_?" Sanjouin asks. "Though you know by now that you can't win against me," he continues, "I want you to give it your best shot anyway. Until we meet again."

Kuwabara trembles as Sanjouin's transmission ends.

Shizuru sighs, picking her cigarette off the coffee table. "You'd better be careful, Kazuma," she says.

Kuwabara nods, then leaves the house.

* * *

Nephrite presents Ami with a fork filled with a generous chunk of Belgian waffles, dripping with strawberry syrup and adorned with a fleck of whipped cream.

Ami scowls.

"You need to keep your energy up, girl," says Nephrite.

"Why would you bother to feed me?" says Ami.

"Do you think I have no manners?" sneers Nephrite.

"That should be self-evident," says Ami.

"You're still hungry," says Nephrite as he forces Ami to eat the morsel of waffle. "There; now wasn't that tasty?"

Ami glares at Nephrite as she swallows the bite of waffle.

"You look like you're about to cry," says Nephrite, a dark expression of mock-pity on his face. "Cheer up!" he adds. "I didn't enjoy dessert with Naru _-chan_ last night."

"You're reprehensible," says Ami.

"I had to deal with some uninvited pests," says Nephrite, glaring at a dark doorway.

"Oh, did we cock-block you, Nephrite?" mocks a soft yet masculine voice.

"You two also ate my cookies," says Nephrite. "And your fuck-toy is a damned slob who drinks milk out of the carton!"

"We're not leaving, Nephrite," says another, deeper masculine voice. " _She_ sent us here to monitor your progress," he continues, "as you clearly can't be trusted to act on your own."

"I don't need or want your pathetic help!" spits Nephrite. He returns his focus to Ami. "Now that you've seen for yourself the kind of idiots I work with," he says to Ami, "you can understand the source of my sunny disposition."

Ami smirks at Nephrite. "I was right," she says, chuckling. "You're cornered."

"That may be true, girl," says Nephrite, smirking back, "but I've escaped tighter fixes than this."

"If Kuwabara _-san_ doesn't traipse to my rescue," says Ami, "what will you do then?"

"Make good on my promise to kill you," sneers Nephrite, "then I'll just find the idiot and drain him anyway-but speak of the devil!" he adds abruptly, displaying an image of Kuwabara at the front door. "Your friend's very punctual. I like that."

Ami trembles. _Kazuma-san..._ she says to herself.

"That look in your eyes, Mizuno Ami," says Nephrite. "You almost look like a damsel in distress. As a fashion executive," he continues, "I must complete the image." Nephrite partially tears Ami's shirt.

"What are you doing!?" spits Ami, outraged and unable to cover her bust.

"Your hero's coming!" grins Nephrite. "Show him a little skin. And a little leg," he adds crudely as he rips Ami's skirt, touching her panties.

Ami struggles to break free, spitting on Nephrite's face.

"I tie a damn good knot, don't I?" says Nephrite, gently poking at Ami's clothed clitoris. "I just want to gauge how excited you are."

"We're certainly getting excited," says the deep masculine voice. "That girl is quite a prize."

"Why are you trying to humiliate me?" Ami demands, skin flush.

Nephrite stops his minstrations, raising the offending hand to his lips. "You have to pay a price for helping those _senshi_ interfere with my plans," he says, licking his fingers. "As tasty as you are, though," Nephrite continues, "I don't want your body. I'll take your unrequited love's energy instead."

Ami stares at Nephrite.

"I will drain every last ounce of your precious Kazuma's life," says Nephrite, "and I will savor your sorrow as I claim my Naru _-chan_. But don't feel frustrated," he continues. "You get to watch." Laughing, Nephrite leaves.

* * *

Kuwabara arrives five minutes later without mishap.

"Kazuma... _san_ ," says Ami, trembling as tears fall bitterly. "Why did you come...?"

"To get you the hell out of here, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, untying Ami.

"And will you follow suit?" asks Ami, calming down as she rubs her wrists.

"That bastard made you cry," says Kuwabara, placing his denim jacket over Ami's shoulders. "I'll make sure he pays."

"Don't worry about me," says Ami curtly, "and don't confront Sanjouin. Find Naru _-san_ and get her out of here safely."

"Will you be okay getting out?" asks Kuwabara.

Ami nods, putting on Kuwabara's jacket. "I didn't equip the proper tools before," she says, "so he managed to get the drop on me."

Kuwabara stares at Ami.

"I'll be fine. I want you to come out of this as well, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami, "so don't try to fight Sanjouin."

"I don't want to fight that guy alone if he comes after me," says Kuwabara. "If you send me some help," he continues, "that'd be great."

"I'll do that," says Ami. She leaves.

"That girl Naru _-san_ is high-maintenance," says Kuwabara as he delves further into Sanjouin's mansion.

* * *

Kuwabara stumbles into the kitchen, where a golden-haired man sits in a silver-haired man's lap. The blond feeds the silver-haired man waffles.

"What the hell is this?" Kuwabara balks.

"Don't mind us, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says the silver-haired man, smiling. "We're not your enemies at present."

"That fellow you call 'Sanjouin' doesn't want our help," adds the blond, "so you may do as you please. Naru _-chan_ is four doors down the hall to the left." The blond kisses the silver-haired man passionately.

Kuwabara shakes his head vigorously, then exits the kitchen and heads down the left hallway.

Arriving at the fourth door, Kuwabara enters the room, finding Naru alone...wearing a snow-white negligee.

Naru blinks, startled. "Kuwabara _-san_?" she says.

Kuwabara turns his head aside, blushing furiously. "Naru _-san_ ," he says, calming down as he tosses Naru her clothes from a nearby chair, "put on your clothes, because we're getting the fuck out of here."

"How are you going to make me!?" counters Naru, folding her arms defiantly.

Kuwabara pulls out a silver-gray Walther P-38 with a black scope and points it at Naru.

Screaming, Naru obeys Kuwabara's order, rushing into the private bathroom to dress.

Kuwabara grins stupidly. _I didn't think this would actually work,_ he says to himself. _If Naru-san ever figures out I threatened her with a fucking toy gun,_ he continues, _she'll kill me long before Sanjouin does._

Angry yet frightened, Naru exits the bathroom in normal clothes, negligee in hand. Kuwabara hoists Naru over his shoulder and runs out of the room.

* * *

Kuwabara and Naru exit the forest outside Sanjouin's mansion; Kuwabara sets Naru down next to Sanjouin's car.

"I didn't need your help!" spits Naru.

"I'm not going to argue with you," says Kuwabara coldly, "because your emotions are hot and heavy over Sanjouin _-chan's_ apparently magical cock."

Naru fumes.

"And before you slap me," continues Kuwabara, brandishing the Walther toy again, "please keep in mind that I'm armed."

Naru sighs. "Even presuming I was in any danger," she says, annoyed, "how are we supposed to escape?"

"I got us this far, didn't I?" says Kuwabara. "And we even have a getaway car."

"You're going to jack Sanjouin _-san_ 's car," says Naru, scowling.

"No," Kuwabara smirks, revealing a set of keys. "Sanjouin _-san_ was nice enough to hand me the keys when we bumped into him," he says as he twirls the key ring on his finger.

"You're still stealing his car!" spits Naru.

* * *

"You could have told us your plan!" spits Mars, glaring sideways at Mercury as they approach Sanjouin's car.

"I failed to," says Mercury. "I thought I would be able to take him out alone."

"I hate to agree with Mars," says Moon, "but that was reckless! You have no idea what it's like going up against someone like Nephrite alone," she continues, heated, "and I don't want you to know!"

"You're right, Sailor Moon," says Mercury.

"It's okay," says Mars, grinning. "We know why you weren't thinking clearly."

"Our enemy was trying to mess with your guy," adds Moon, nudging Mercury with her elbow.

"I knew this sudden bout of maturity from you two wouldn't last," quips Mercury.

"...besides, you're only fourteen! Neither of us have licenses!" spits Naru.

Moon grins at the car. "Are we going your way?" she says to Kuwabara.

Kuwabara, in the driver's seat, stares at the three _senshi_. "Ami _-san_ ," he says with a pointed look at Mercury, "sent _you three_ to help me with Sanjouin?"

Mars hops in the front passenger seat of Sanjouin's car. "Yes," she says, "though if we can avoid a fight, we should do it."

"I wanted to call shotgun!" whines Moon.

"You're too slow," Mars preens. "Get in the back with the other children."

"Fine!" says Moon, entering the back seat with Naru and Mercury. "We can still savor this joy ride."

"Yeah-that bastard Sanjouin owes us for all the crap he's put us through," says Mars.

"I must concur," adds Mercury with a rueful smile on her face. "You'll drive us, won't you, sir?" she asks Kuwabara, ruffling his pompadour.

"You three are very bad girls," says Kuwabara, "but yes: I will drive you."

"Can you even drive this car?" scoffs Naru.

"Sure," says Kuwabara, looking over the controls, "as long as...fuck!" he spits. "The damn car is a stickshift. Never drove those."

"I've never driven either transmission before," says Mercury.

"How about you two?" Kuwabara asks Moon and Mars.

The other two _senshi_ shake their heads.

* * *

"That dog-eared boy said there was powerful dark energy centered here," says Michiru as she and Haruka approach the forest outside Sanjouin's mansion. "He wasn't kidding."

"This energy's old...and kind of familiar," says Haruka. "But it's not directly tied to the Dark Messiah, so..." Haruka trails off, noting five teenagers-including three girls in short, colorful costumes-arguing.

Michiru follows Haruka's line of sight. "Others...?" she asks Haruka.

"I think so," says Haruka. "Let's see what's going on."

"...we won't let you go back there, Osaka Naru," says Moon sternly. "That man is dangerous."

"Yeah; that's why we're stealing the _dangerous man's_ car," says Naru sardonically.

"I'm already a delinquent," scoffs Kuwabara. "What does it matter if I actually break a law for once?"

"You haven't broken it yet," quips Naru, "because you can't drive a stickshift."

Kuwabara fumes, quelling the urge to fire back a litany of ungentlemanly retorts at Naru.

Haruka approaches the car with Michiru, stroking it. "Car trouble?" she asks Kuwabara.

"Yeah," says Kuwabara, annoyed. "I've got at least one back-seat driver, too."

"In order for me to be a back-seat driver," says Naru, "someone would have to drive."

Haruka chuckles as Michiru joins Mars in the front seat. "It must be frustrating: you have such a powerful machine at your fingertips," she says, "but you don't know how to use it."

"Lady," spits Kuwabara, not missing Haruka's double meaning, "do you even have the tools to use this machine?"

Michiru smiles. "He has sharp eyes, Haru," she says.

"I have everything I need," says Haruka to Kuwabara, displaying her license. "Now move over."

"The car's actually...getting kind of crowded up front," says Kuwabara as he scoots over to the passenger side of the car.

"Then move your big ass to the back and hold one of the ladies in your lap," orders Haruka as she takes the driver's seat.

Grumbling, Kuwabara complies. "You're almost as bad as my sister," he snorts.

"What's wrong with your sister?" asks Michiru.

"She doesn't have your friend's fine taste in pantsuits," says Kuwabara.

Moon shoves Mercury onto Kuwabara's lap.

"I'm taller than you," says Mercury, blushing.

"True," says Moon, "but you have a nicer contrast with him. That, and I'm sure Naru _-san_ doesn't need to sit in any guy's lap for a long time," she adds slyly.

Naru shakes her fist at Moon. "I don't need to hear this from someone I don't know!" she spits. _That's something absurd that Usagi would say, not a superhero,_ Naru fumes silently.

Haruka adjusts the rear-view mirror. "Let's ride, everyone," she says as she starts the car. "Hang on tight."

The car drives off.

* * *

Nephrite emerges from the forest, irritated. "I suppose my prey wouldn't just quietly submit to his death," he spits, glaring at a handful of switchblades infused with Kuwabara's energy. "That was rather clever of him, to get me lost in my own forest."

Nephrite hears a familiar engine rumble, and his eyes widen as he watches his car pull off; Moon makes a face at Nephrite while Mercury and Kuwabara flip Nephrite off.

Nephrite seethes, summoning an energy ball. He then disperses the energy. "Damn it!" he spits. "When that fool bumped into me-and apparently stole my car keys-he was carrying Naru around like a sack of potatoes. I may not particularly care for her," he says, "but I can't kill her, either. She's been so much fun."

Nephrite closes his eyes. "Which stars are in my view, I wonder?" he muses aloud. "Yes; Betelgeuse and Rigel are strong. This will be the perfect end to that boy's childhood."

Nephrite invokes the constellation Orion the Hunter; a large red cab-over semi-trailer appears. "You will pursue the group in that car," he orders the truck as he pulls out a pair of panties and a switchblade. "Osaka Naru is not to be harmed," Nephrite continues as he tosses the panties into the truck's side window.

"Wound Kuwabara Kazuma as much as you like," Nephrite adds, tossing in the switchblade, "but leave him alive. I want him to die slowly. Kill the others."

"As you wish, Nephrite _-sama_ ," says the truck, actually a _youma_. The truck _youma_ drives off after the car.

Nephrite laughs. "Those brats will learn the hard way," he sneers as he follows the _youma_ from a distance, "that there's more to me than meets the eye."

* * *

"This truck is still on our ass!" spits Haruka. "I can't shake him!"

"Floor it!" says Kuwabara. "I don't like the looks of that truck!"

"It doesn't seem to have a driver!" says Mercury, leaning her body against Kuwabara's face as she analyzes the truck with her visor. "I agree with Kuwabara _-san_ 's assessment-that isn't an ordinary truck."

"Yeah, it's..." Kuwabara trails off, blushing and holding his nose as he finds his face planted in Mercury's bust.

Mercury realizes Kuwabara's problem and resumes her seat in Kuwabara's lap.

"You're not really helping," Kuwabara whispers nervously to Mercury.

"I'm sorry," Mercury whispers back, equally nervous, "but I trust you'll behave yourself, Kuwabara _-san_."

Moon grins mischeviously at Kuwabara and Mercury. _I really wish those two wouldn't be so well-behaved,_ she says to herself.

"We need to shake that thing!" says Mars, tossing several _ofuda_ at the truck. "It's actually a monster of some kind."

"It won't be able to maneuver as well in a residential area," says Michiru. "We can ditch it there."

"I see an exit!" says Haruka, ramping the car off the exit ramp into the trees.

Kuwabara clutches Mercury, Moon grabs Naru; Mars and Michiru cling tightly to each other. All six teenagers pray with Haruka that the car lands safely...

...and mercifully it does, landing on a small path leading to a residential neighborhood. Haruka steers the car to the suburban street, pulling into the neighborhood.

Haruka stops the car and steps out; followed by the three _senshi_ , Michiru, Kuwabara, and Naru.

Kuwabara, still holding Mercury tightly, rubs Mercury's back. "Are you alright?" he asks Mercury, worried.

"T-thank you," says Mercury, gently breaking Kuwabara's embrace. "I'm fine, and I appreciate your concern."

"Sorry about that," says Haruka, "but I had to buy us some time."

Moon looks around the neighborhood, watching as Shingo emerges from his house. _We're in my neighborhood,_ she gasps silently. _Right in front of my house._

* * *

Shingo stares at the group of teenagers; he walks up to Moon. "I've heard rumors about you at school," he says to Moon in awe.

Moon grins at Shingo. "You might want to keep this a secret from your friends," she says, "but the rumors are true: I am Sailor Moon, the champion of justice!"

"Who steals other people's-*" begins Naru, only for Mars and Michiru to clamp their hands over Naru's mouth.

"Wait-that's Usagi's friend Naru," says Shingo.

"She was in danger," explains Moon, "but we rescued her."

 _Kidnapped me, you mean,_ Naru scowls, unable to speak.

"Speaking of that," says Mars, turning to Haruka. "Do either of you know where the _**Osa*P**_ shop is?" Mars asks.

"Is that where this kid lives?" asks Haruka as Mars and Michiru release Naru.

"Yes, it's where I live," says Naru, glaring at the group.

"I can't begin to explain to you why Sanjouin's dangerous," says Moon, "but understand that we-and all of your friends-have your best interests at heart."

"Let these two ladies take you home, Naru _-san_ ," adds Kuwabara. "That truck monster's really only after me and these scantily-clad maidens."

The _senshi_ fume at Kuwabara as Naru manages a smile.

"I'm still not sure if I like or dislike you, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Naru, pouting at him, "but I'll go with them since you and they are so persistent." Naru reenters the car, along with Haruka and Michiru.

Haruka drives off in the car.

"As for you, kiddo," says Kuwabara to Shingo, "get back inside your house. You don't want to have your family worried about you."

"I won't be in the way," says Shingo. "I promise."

"Just stand back, then," says Moon. "The truck monster is coming."

Indeed, the truck _youma_ arrives, trying to run the _senshi_ and Kuwabara down.

"We should split up!" says Mercury. "That truck can't pursue us all at once."

The rest of the group nods; Kuwabara grabs Mercury's hand and breaks right, while Moon and Mars head left with Shingo.

Mercury snatches her hand away. "What are you doing!?" she says.

"Protecting you," says Kuwabara.

"You're the main one in danger," counters Mercury, "and I'm trained to handle these situations."

"You're trained to fight killer trucks?" scoffs Kuwabara.

"If they're _youma_ ," spits Mercury, "then yes."

The truck stops, opens its trailer, and sends out a small dune buggy-like car after Moon and Mars. "I will fulfill Nephrite _-sama's_ commands," the _youma_ says...

...as it transforms into a giant robot.

* * *

"What if they transform into life-sized replicas of Convoy and other Transformers?" asks Kuwabara quizzically.

"Then we run," says Mercury.

"In order to eliminate all hiding places for Nephrite _-sama's_ enemies," says the Convoy _youma_ , tossing its ion rifle onto the trailer-unfolded into a battle deck, "I will level this entire area."

"Convoy was never this ruthless on _**Fight! Super Robot Life Transformers**_ ," mutters Kuwabara as he and Mercury head back to Shingo.

Shingo notes the Walther P-38 sticking out of the back of Kuwabara's jeans. "Wow," he says, "you still have your Megatron toy?"

Kuwabara stares at Shingo as he pulls out his gun; he touches the purple Destron symbol.

Moon and Mars join Mercury and Kuwabara.

Mercury studies Kuwabara, finding the delinquent's facial expressions rather queer. "Did you...have a toy robot gun?" she asks slowly.

Kuwabara nods, giddy. "I've got an idea, Mercury _-san_ , he says, "but I need you to help me with that trendy visor of yours."

"You want me to analyze the _youma_ and find any weak points," says Mercury, activating her visor and linking it to her palm computer.

"For massive damage," says Kuwabara. He turns to Moon and Mars. "When Mercury and I give the signal," he says, "we're going to reenact Convoy's final scene from the _**Transformers 2010**_ movie and hit this bastard with everything we've got."

The remote car attempts to run the group down as the Convoy _youma_ takes its gun off the battle deck and charges after them. Mars burns the remote car with Fire Soul...which also injures the Convoy _youma_ , forcing it to stop.

"How'd that happen?" balks Moon. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you."

"Convoy and the remote car are linked together," says Shingo. "If the car takes damage, so does Convoy."

"I melted the car," says Mars, "but the Convoy monster's still headed towards us."

"Convoy is a bigger machine," says Kuwabara.

"Target acquired," says Mercury. "We should aim for the _youma_ 's midsection, where its engine block is."

"Then attack!" orders Kuwabara as he focuses his energy through the Megatron toy. "Combine your attacks if you can!"

"Roger!" says Moon, sending Moon Tiara Action at the robot _youma_.

Mars and Mercury follow suit with Fire Soul and Shabon Spray, the two attacks merging with the Tiara Action.

 _If I can fire my_ _ **reiki**_ _through Megatron,_ says Kuwabara to himself, _the way Urameshi fires his_ _ **rei-gun**_ _..._ "It's over, Prime!" he says aloud to the _youma_ in English, firing a long, golden beam of _reiki_ behind the _senshi_ 's combined attack.

The united attacks connect, decimating the _youma_ ; it crashes to the ground, turns gray, and crumbles to dust.

* * *

Mars stares at Kuwabara. _He can materialize his_ _ **reiki**_ _..._ she says silently in awe.

Nephrite, in the sky, clutches the extended rod of _reiki_ -as he is impaled on it. "Kuwabara..." he says, wounded but grinning, "you amazing...no: unbelieveable bastard."

Amazed himself, Kuwabara removes the Megatron toy from his right hand. _I...extended the_ _ **reiken**_ _,_ he says to himself. _How'd I do that shit? How did I even create the_ _ **reiken**_ _without the_ _ **bokudo**_ _piece in my back pocket?_

"We hit Nephrite too!?" wonders Moon.

"Yeah," spits Nephrite. "It's a clean hit."

"Pretty big fish," grins Kuwabara. "We've got to reel him in." Kuwabara retracts the _reiken_ , with Nephrite still impaled on it, to bring Nephrite to the ground.

In spite of his injuries, Nephrite manages to land on his feet. He laughs.

"What's so funny?" asks Kuwabara. "You ready to eat all of this energy you wanted?"

"You've definitely got a lot of it," says Nephrite, licking his lips.

"Stay on guard," warns Mars. "Be ready for anything."

 _I hope that the queen bitch back home realizes the hell I've gone through for this,_ Nephrite says to himself as he...

...impales himself further onto the sword, drawing himself close to Kuwabara.

Kuwabara trembles as he struggles to maintain his focus. "You three back away!" he says. "I'll overload the fucker," he adds, "and give him more than his body can take!"

"That sounds like a good plan," says Mercury as she, Moon, and Mars back away from Kuwabara; all three _senshi_ shield Shingo.

Nephrite leans close to Kuwabara's ear. "Since you've done so well, Kuwabara _-san_ ," he whispers, "a free hint."

Kuwabara scowls at Nephrite, then flares his _reiki_ to maximum strength, injuring Nephrite further.

"Your tactic is solid..." Nephrite continues. "But you should first determine..." he adds, "if your opponent is a container...or a conduit!" Nephrite raises an arm to the sky, channeling all of Kuwabara's _reiki_ to the Dark Kingdom through his own body.

Kuwabara's _reiken_ vanishes; Kuwabara, drained, struggles to remain standing.

Nephrite chuckles. "You're still conscious, you miserable bastard?" he asks. "You're going to regret that," he continues, backhanding Kuwabara, "as I take your life."

"You...call that a hit, you piece of shit?" Kuwabara taunts, spitting blood on the ground.

"You're infuriatingly durable for a boy your age," Nephrite glowers, summoning his own energy sword. "Still," he continues, striking Kuwabara with the sword, "you're going to die."

The _senshi_ start to attack, but Nephrite knocks the three of them aside. "I'll deal with you stupid cunts later!" he snarls.

Kuwabara lands a haymaker to Nephrite's head. "Bastard!" he spits. "I'm your fucking opponent..." Kuwabara drops to his knees, then falls to the ground.

Grinning viciously at Kuwabara, Nephrite brutally assaults Kuwabara's prone body.

* * *

Still supporting his weight with his _reiki_ concentrated to a single point on a bed of spikes, Yusuke trembles. _Kuwabara! That stupid fuck is in trouble again!_ he says to himself.

Yusuke nearly impales his hand on the bed of spikes, but refocuses his _reiki_ at the tip of each finger of his hand. Slowly, he resumes his position, even as he extends his free hand.

 _ **Baa-san**_ _won't be able to put Kuwabara's ass together again this time,_ Yusuke muses. _She won't get to him in time._

"Watch out, you old bitch!" spits Yusuke aloud. " _This_ is how you save Kuwabara's sorry ass from the fire!" He fires his _rei-gun_ through his free hand.

* * *

Ken, with Genkai on his back, arrives at Usagi's neighborhood. "I smell Kuwabara," he says. "He ain't in good shape."

Genkai smirks. "Kuwabara won't die very easily," she says. "Though it looks like this Sanjouin fellow might give us an..." Genkai trails off, sensing energy coming from a distance. "Move," she orders Ken. "The stupid fuck's aim's a bit off."

Ken, sensing the energy, evades the massive ball of blue _reiki_ headed straight towards Nephrite.

Nephrite dodges the ball, but the _reiki_ ball's energy wake still manages to knock him to the ground.

"Where the hell did that come from?" balks Ken, staring at Genkai.

"That idiot I was talking about," says Genkai. "My successor."

"He's that powerful?" says Ken.

"The brat finally put forth a bit of effort, anyway," says Genkai, smiling.

Mars and Mercury, meanwhile, fire their attacks at Nephrite relentlessly.

Nephrite backs away, opting to retreat. "Let's call it a draw, Sailor trash," he spits. "I declare this fight over for now." He vanishes.

"You contemptible coward!" seethes Mercury, tears in her eyes.

Genkai grabs Mercury's hand. "Focus your energy on saving Kuwabara," she says calmly.

Mercury, trembling, walks to Kuwabara. "What...can I do?" she asks quietly.

"That girl's in no mood for your teasing," hisses Ken.

"You're such a mutt," says Genkai, slapping Ken's rump.

Ken fumes, embarrassed.

Genkai joins Mercury. "What do your instincts tell you?" Genkai asks Mercury.

Mercury blushes; kneeling down, she checks for airway flow and a heartbeat. "His breathing's shallow, but regular; and his heartbeat...is as strong as ever. But..." Mercury continues.

"He's quite injured," says Genkai, "but not nearly as much as I feared. This boy's body is learning to guard itself and evade fatal strikes using his _reikan_ ," she continues, "and it helps that he was consciously aware of the threat your foe Sanjouin posed and fought properly."

"Then he'll be alright?" asks Mercury.

"No," says Genkai. "That enemy of yours drained Kuwabara a bit too much," she continues, placing Mercury's hands over Kuwabara's chest. "He needs an infusion of life force."

"How do I give it to him?" Mercury asks earnestly.

Genkai hides a smile, biting back several rather perverse answers as she considers her response. "Just...relax," Genkai says after a moment. "Let your energy flow freely through your body, and direct the flow into his."

Mercury obeys Genkai's directions.

Meanwhile, Ken approaches Shingo. "Get inside your house, kid," he orders.

"I want to see if that guy will be okay," says Shingo.

"You'd better do as I say, boy," sneers Ken, licking his lips. "You look delicious."

Shingo stares at Ken.

"My ears, claws, and fangs aren't a fashion statement," continues Ken. "I'm an _inuyokai_ who savors human flesh; disobedient boys are my favorite thing to eat," Ken adds, baring his fangs for effect, "and I'm _hungry_."

Shingo, terrified, runs into the house.

"That's right, boy!" says Ken. "Hide under your bed! Just don't wet yourself," he continues, "because I really love the smell of fear!"

Moon kicks Ken. "Quit scaring my little brother," she demands.

"Ah, I was just having some fun with the kid," Ken pouts smilingly. "If I were really out of control, I wouldn't be saying any of that shit."

"Besides," adds Mars, "we have to keep Shingo from learning certain secrets of ours."

Mercury finishes sending her energy into Kuwabara. "It...just stopped flowing out," she says, subdued.

"Kuwabara's body only took what it needed," says Genkai.

"I see," says Mercury. _It...felt right,_ she says to herself. _Kazuma-san was..._

Kuwabara stirs; he strokes Mercury's cheek as he smiles. "Ami," he says, his eyes intense. "I'm..." Kuwabara whispers the rest, then sits up.

Mercury blinks out of her reverie, remembering her need to keep her two identities separate. "I...don't know who you're-*" she starts to say...

...but Kuwabara draws Mercury into an embrace, whispering into her ear.

"Individuals with strong _reikan_ can see straight through your glamours," says Genkai. "Fortunately, I only recognize one of you."

Ken sighs. "Why don't we all just go home?" he says. "No sense in letting that creep Sanjouin devour your weekend along with Kuwabara's _reiki_."

"That will regenerate with proper rest," says Genkai. "However, this means that whoever Sanjouin works for will continue to see Kuwabara as a viable target."

Mercury clutches Kuwabara as she cries softly. Kuwabara rubs Mercury's back.

"Come on," says Mars, shaking Kuwabara's shoulder. "Let's head home."

Genkai nods, then leaves.

Kuwabara and Mercury rise to their feet, then they and Mars head out of Usagi's neighborhood; Ken follows behind.

Moon pouts. "I can't believe everyone left me behind at my-wait a minute," she says, slapping her forehead. "Maybe I am a whiny crybaby..." she adds, whimpering.

Luna rubs against Moon's leg. "'The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step', Sailor Moon," she says. "Let's find someplace for you to return to normal so you can go home."

Moon nods to Luna; the _senshi_ and cat leave for the nearby forest.

* * *

"Look; I really need to get home," moans Kuwabara.

"You owe me some ramen for all the times I've saved your ass," counters Ken.

"Which is fuck-all!" spits Kuwabara. "Didn't you get some cash from your brother?"

"That stingy, stuck-up asshole?" spits Ken. "Please."

"Did you at least get him to quit scavenging on dead homeless drunks?" Kuwabara whispers.

"You ain't spoiling my appetite," scoffs Ken. "I've actually seen my brother eat." He and Kuwabara approach the counter; Keiko greets them.

"Are you alright, Kuwabara _-san_?" Keiko asks after taking both boys' orders.

"I got in a bad fight," says Kuwabara, "but I pulled through with some help."

"That's good," says Keiko. "Have you heard anything from Yusuke?" she asks.

"Urameshi's still at that distant relative's place," continues Kuwabara, "but I bet he's studying hard as hell. From what I know of the old lady of the house," he continues, "she's very strict."

* * *

"Don't mind me," says Genkai as she punches and kicks Yusuke, still balancing himself over the spike. "Show me more focus."

"Go back to hell, _baa-san_!" spits Yusuke as he struggles to maintain his balance.

* * *

"...it's nice to see you out, Saotome _-san_ , in spite of your condition," Keiko says to Ken as she serves both Ken and Kuwabara their ramen bowls.

"A friend of mine gave me this cap to wear so I don't spook people too much in public," says Ken, touching the bill of his black ball cap, "and I don't mind getting out. I just can't wear a hat to school."

"Enjoy your meal," says Keiko as she leaves the two boys to their ramen.

"This is so good," says Ken, savoring his ramen.

"I'm so relieved you don't have your brother's taste in food," says Kuwabara.

"Oh, I've tasted some human flesh over the years," Ken grins, rubbing his nose with his little finger.

"That sounds more like your dad's taste in women," says Kuwabara as he grins back.

Ken snorts. "You ain't one to talk, Kuwabara," he says.

Kuwabara stares at Ken.

"You know damned well that Mizuno wanted you to spend some time at her place," says Ken. "How the hell else can you slake your _thirst_?" he adds with a smirk.

"What?" says Kuwabara, blushing.

"I can hear quite a bit better than most people," continues Ken, touching his cap.

Kuwabara grabs Ken's ears, still beneath the cap. "I'd have great hearing too if I had pointy little canine ears," he hisses.

"All I'm saying is that if you like her that much," says Ken, "then make your move. Mizuno sure as hell likes you."

Kuwabara sighs. "I don't think it's that simple," he says quietly.

"Humans make things complicated," Ken snorts.

* * *

Ami wakes up from her nap, fingering Kuwabara's denim jacket. "I...should return this," she says languidly, rising from her bed.

She walks to her phone and dials a number. "Hello, Kazuma _-san_ ," Ami begins, "I still have your jacket that you lent me this morning."

"Come on," says a familiar-albeit tired-voice on the other end, "if you two are on a first-name basis, Kuwabara _-san_ won't mind if you keep his rugged, manly denim jacket to protect you."

"Usagi!" Ami spits. "You're supposed to announce the name of your residence!"

"Ami," says Usagi, "I did that. You just went straight into 'I've got your jacket, Kazuma _-san_ ' without listening," she continues teasingly.

Ami blushes.

"Why didn't you just invite 'Kazuma _-san_ ' in when you had the chance?" asks Usagi.

"For the same reason you don't invite Mamoru _-san_ into your house," Ami smirks.

Usagi stammers wordlessly.

"I apologize for dialing the wrong number," Ami continues. "I'm ending this call now." She hangs up.

Ami studies a photo of a younger Kuwabara next to the phone, and smiles. "He's...about the same as ever," she says. "Just taller, and..."

Blushing, Ami wraps Kuwabara's jacket around her body and returns to her room, shutting the door.

* * *

Inside Sanjouin's car, parked outside Michiru's mansion, Michiru sits in Haruka's lap. The two girls kiss...

...only to break their kiss as they hear something land on the car.

"I don't want you soiling my vehicle," spits the lander, Nephrite, "so get the fuck out."

"Finders-keepers, asshole," scowls Haruka.

Michiru glares at Nephrite. "We know how much you love to prey on middle school students," she says.

"Stay out of my business, you bitch-if you and your _takarazuka_ girlfriend value your lives," Nephrite snarls.

Michiru steps out of the car, followed by Haruka.

"Watch you step against me, ladies-and I do use the term very loosely," says Nephrite.

"Just who the hell are you?" Haruka demands.

"Around here, I'm called Sanjouin Masato," says Nephrite, "but truly, I am Nephrite- _ousama_ : ruler of the stars, and top-level agent of the Dark Kingdom!"

" _You!_ " Haruka seethes.

"We have no choice," adds Michiru. She and Haruka transform...

...into Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus.

Nephrite pinches the bridge of his nose. "Wonderful. More stupid girls in sailor costumes," he spits.

The silver-haired man and blond man appear.

"And now I also have to deal with you two bastards," Nephrite adds.

"Nephrite: is that any way to introduce your comrade, Zoisite- _ousama_ : lord of fire and beauty of the Dark Kingdom?" says the blond, Zoisite.

"And likewise, _senshi_ : I, Kunzite- _ousama_ ," says the silver-haired man, Kunzite, "sovereign of ice and grand general of the Dark Kingdom, send my greetings to you."

"They're all...?" Neptune asks Uranus.

"The _shitennou_ -the ones who brought chaos and destroyed the Silver Millenium," says Uranus.

"Mm-hm," says Zoisite. "Though one of us four: Jadeite- _ousama_ : lord of shadows and disguise master of the Dark Kingdom, has departed."

"He was incompetent," sneers Nephrite.

"And you _senshi_ shall know firsthand the price he paid for his failure," says Kunzite. He freezes Uranus and Neptune in a massive spire of ice before the two _senshi_ can react.

"That wasn't necessary, Kun _-chan_ ," says Nephrite.

"Don't be an ungrateful spoilsport," says Zoisite, embracing Kunzite defensively. "See how nice we are? We even helped you get your precious car back."

"Why would I want your help?" Nephrite counters. "You were utterly worthless against that brat Kuwabara."

"We wanted you to see what comes of not accepting our aid," says Kunzite. "Beryl _-sama_ expects results," he continues, "and if you fail her-*"

Nephrite resumes the form of his alter ego Sanjouin as he lands; he approaches his car. "I know my job! The two of you had better stay out of my-oh, fuck you both!" he spits, seething as Zoisite and Kunzite make out in the back seat.

Zoisite breaks off their kissing as Kunzite smirks at Nephrite. "I feel some remorse for denying you a romp with that cute girl of yours," he says, "so quit being in denial and join us."

"I'd cut my cock off and _burn_ it before I'd ever think to stick it in your filthy ass," says Nephrite sullenly, entering the car.

"This is why we can't let you enjoy nice things, Nephrite," says Kunzite.

"In the end, I exchanged two lesbian sluts screwing around in my car for two worthless gay sluts," spits Nephrite as he starts his car.

"We're worse than our frozen enemies?" balks Zoisite.

"Those two girls at least have nice tits," Nephrite smirks.


	14. Elixir 7

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **7**_ : I had absolute power over her.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

Kurama studies the jacket of Kuwabara's old Tamaishi Elementary uniform while Yusuke continues to rest on Kuwabara's bed.

"If you were wondering," says Kuwabara, handing Kurama a glass of orange juice, "I had lived on Garbage Island for a few years, and got to attend that school."

"That isn't the most elegant way to refer to Odaiba," smiles Kurama, "nor is it accurate, Kuwabara _-kun_."

Kuwabara grins. "It was a nice school," he says. "My mom was in Tamaishi when she was a kid, so that got me in, though I worked hard to keep my grades up in those days. Okubo got in through some connections of his that aren't too clear, Kirishima was in on a soccer scholarship, and Sawamura's a military brat whose dad's from America."

"A button's missing," says Kurama. "From the jacket."

"It's an elementary school uniform that I was wearing," scoffs Kuwabara. "I was a bit more studious when I was a kid, but I did my share of boyish rough-housing."

"Perhaps," says Kurama, "though I suspect that there's more than what you're telling me. You do remember that I am a professional thief, right?" he continues. "That ferreting out secrets is one of my talents?"

"Yeah, along with turning roses into deadly melee weaponry," Kuwabara snorts.

"Don't trifle with me, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kurama. "I happen to have just discovered a dark secret of yours."

Kuwabara stares at Kurama.

"You drove a former schoolmate of mine to commit suicide," Kurama continues, a canny look in his eyes.

"What?" balks Kuwabara.

"Aoyama Junko," says Kurama. "She had transferred to Sarayashiki from Meioh a few months ago, then had committed suicide."

"Are you wondering why?" asks Kuwabara, scowling.

"Yes," says Kurama. "I'm rather curious."

"I didn't drive the bitch to kill herself," says Kuwabara. "I merely pointed out a few unpleasant facts to her after she tried to throw herself shamelessly onto me. If she killed herself because she couldn't handle a few nasty words," Kuwabara continues callously, "then good for her. I pray that she burns in hell."

"It's true that Aoyama...was an unkind person," says Kurama, "so don't misunderstand: I don't mourn her loss. I just wondered what would drive you-of all people-to be so cruel to her."

"I...was avenging the honor of a friend," says Kuwabara. "Sometimes you have to pay evil unto evil."

"This person," says Kurama, "was more than a friend to you, Kuwabara _-kun_. You would not go to such lengths to torment Aoyama for a mere friend."

"I would let it alone if I were you, Kurama," says Kuwabara. "Curiosity," he continues, petting Eikichi's head, "doesn't just kill cats."

"That kind of risk comes with my profession," says Kurama, smiling, "and I have outlived many pursuers who would deny my curiosity its satisfaction-and have threatened me as you did."

"I don't recall issuing any idle threats," says Kuwabara. "The matter is private, and I want it left alone."

Kurama sighs. _That girl: she's quite fortunate to have Kuwabara-kun as her knight,_ he muses to himself.

* * *

A week passes. Ami knocks on Yusuke's door, with Usagi and Naru.

Yusuke answers, looking over the three girls. "Who the hell are you?" he asks them. "Shouldn't you all be at Juuban Middle?"

"Shouldn't you be at Sarayashiki?" counters Ami coolly.

"I'm on a sabbatical," says Yusuke sardonically.

"Is this guy for real?" scoffs Naru.

"I think that car accident he had scrambled his brains," Usagi whispers to Ami.

"I can hear you," seethes Yusuke. "Do you want me to beat the shit out of you?"

"You would hit a girl!?" balks Usagi.

"Damn right. I'm an equal-opportunity ass-kicker," grins Yusuke.

"That may very well be required," says Ami, "but I came to seek your assistance as a detective, Urameshi Yusuke."

Yusuke's eyes widen; he pulls Ami inside. Usagi and Naru follow them into Yusuke's apartment.

"Who told you that!?" hisses Yusuke.

"I have a reliable source who informed me that you were employed by a detective agency which specializes in unique cases," says Ami.

"Then that source is full of crap," spits Yusuke. "Why would a detective agency hire a delinquent from a middle school?"

"The labor's probably cheap," quips Usagi.

"And expendable," adds Naru.

Yusuke gives Usagi and Naru a wry grin. "I won't punch you for that," he says, "but only because I'm starting to think that's the reason my boss hired me."

"That's why I'm here. I will be glad to pay you for your services," says Ami, taking out a checkbook. "I need you to find a missing object that's very precious to me."

"How much is it worth?" asks Yusuke.

"Financially, nothing," says Ami. "The object has a great deal of sentimental value to me, however; I want the object and its thief found."

Yusuke strokes his chin, then heads to his bedroom. "If you want to hire me," he says, "then we can talk business details away from those two. Step into my office." He enters his room.

"You shouldn't have to pay him anything!" hisses Usagi.

"Be quiet, Usagi!" spits Ami. She follows Yusuke inside.

"I guarantee you that jerk will try to take liberties with her," says Naru.

* * *

"...so the object is a missing button," says Yusuke quizzically, scribbling useless doodles on a notepad.

"Yes," says Ami.

"I need a certain amount up front," says Yusuke, "and my rate is by the hour, plus expenses."

 _I get the feeling he's read far too many poorly-written detective novels,_ muses Ami. "How much?" she asks aloud.

"It depends," says Yusuke.

Ami stares at Yusuke.

"Show me your tits," Yusuke grins.

Ami slaps Yusuke.

Yusuke rubs his cheek. "Damn it, you hit as hard as Keiko," he says, wincing. "Twenty-five thousand up front, and fifteen hundred an hour," Yusuke adds.

"Don't I get a discount for being your first-and likely _only_ -customer?" asks Ami, annoyed.

"Is your nose bloody?" asks Yusuke.

"No!" spits Ami.

"There's your fucking discount," says Yusuke. "You want more taken off the fee than that," he continues, "then you're going to have to put out."

Irritated, Ami writes a check for Yusuke's retainer. "I'll keep in touch with you, Urameshi _-kun_ ," she says, handing Yusuke the check. She leaves Yusuke's room.

* * *

A few days later, at his regular place on the roof of Sarayashiki Middle, Yusuke scowls over his notepad. He studies a photo of a familiar-looking dark-haired boy in a Tamaishi Elementary uniform.

"This fat little bastard looks like Okubo," mutters Yusuke. "Maybe it's one of his kid brothers." Yusuke shakes his head. "Fuck that: those brats are thin."

Ken walks out onto the roof with Keiko. "What are you doing?" he groans. "I doubt it's schoolwork."

"Of course not," grins Yusuke. "This is profitable."

"Yusuke," says Keiko, "you're supposed to be in class."

"But I'm doing detective work," says Yusuke, "I swear."

"I've already checked with Botan _-san_ ," counters Keiko. "She says that you're doing side work, so you have to do that after school."

Yusuke fumes.

"Nice try," mouths Ken silently, smirking.

"You and Botan can both go to hell," hisses Yusuke.

"My brother was there once," scoffs Ken.

Yusuke gathers his materials; pouting, he reenters the school, followed by Keiko and Ken.

* * *

At the _**Crown Arcade**_ with Ken after school, Yusuke presents a button to Ami.

Ami studies the button. "This isn't the button," she says. "While I appreciate your effort," Ami continues, "I can't pay you at your hourly rate unless I receive positive results."

"Then tell me more about the fucking button," says Yusuke, plunking down a small sack filled with Tamaishi Elementary buttons on the table.

"It's tied to a red ribbon," says Ami, "which I'll note that I told you the first time."

"Where and when did you get this button?" asks Yusuke.

"A schoolmate gave it to me," says Ami.

"Girl or boy?" asks Yusuke.

"A boy..." says Ami, blushing. "A...dear friend..."

"Maybe this friend of yours wanted his button back," says Yusuke.

"For an elementary school uniform he had already outgrown?" asks Ami.

"We can ask the guy together," says Yusuke. "If he's your friend, I'm sure he'll give it back to you-since it matters so much you're willing to pay me to find it."

"Th-that won't be necessary," stammers Ami. "I'm certain he doesn't have it."

"You're not telling me everything I need to know to do my job, Mizuno," says Yusuke. "How do you expect me to find this thing if I don't have any background information?"

"You have to think logically and systematically based on the information given," says Ami. "That's your job as a detective, Urameshi _-kun_." She stands, picks up her bowl of ice cream, and heads to the counter.

Ken snickers. "She's got you there, you lazy bastard," he says.

"What the fuck can I do when I have shit information to go on?" balks Yusuke as he watches Ami leave with a takeout container.

Ken snatches the notepad. "If you expect me to do your legwork for you," he scoffs, "then I expect seventy-five percent of the proceeds."

Yusuke counts on his fingers.

"For every one hundred _yen_ ," continues Ken, "I get seventy-five."

Yusuke fumes. "That's too fucking much!" he spits.

"I know: you're getting paid way too much for your piss-poor effort," says Ken. "I should tell Mizuno that you're ripping her off."

"...forty out of a hundred," mutters Yusuke.

"I'm feeling generous and sympathetic," says Ken. "Sixty-five percent-sixty-five out of a hundred-if you show up to all of your classes for the rest of the month."

"Fifty-fifty and I treat you to ramen for the month," counters Yusuke.

"Fifty-five and ramen for two months, and it's a deal," smirks Ken. "It's your ass if you're not in school."

"Fine," says Yusuke. "Now let's think systematically," he adds, mocking Ami's voice.

Ken picks up a pen. "Tell me what she's told you so far..." he says.

* * *

A few hours later, at night, Yusuke and Ken sneak away from Tamaishi Elementary grounds.

"We know who gave Mizuno the button," grins Yusuke, "and we can eliminate the dumbass as a suspect."

"Fair enough," says Ken, crossing out Kuwabara's name on the notepad. "But if Kuwabara's gang were also students here, then they remain on the list."

"Why?" asks Yusuke. "Kuwabara's sidekicks would never act against him."

"True, but they were all also friends of Mizuno," says Ken, "and I know that at least one of them has a crush on her that started back during their days in Tamaishi."

"Okubo!" says Yusuke, taking out the photo of the fat boy in a Tamaishi Elementary uniform. "Mizuno gave me this photo: it's Okubo from when he was a kid."

"So maybe he took the button, hoping to draw Mizuno's attention," says Ken.

"Or extract certain favors," says Yusuke with a lewd smirk.

"Okubo's not a pervert like you," scoffs Ken.

"That's not quite true," says Yusuke. "He's just smart enough to keep shit like that from Kuwabara. I heard that he had seduced this girl that looks a bit like Mizuno, from Shiba Middle: Sorano Hikaru."

"He ain't dating anybody now," says Ken.

"It was something that happened last year," says Yusuke. "Saitou got involved somehow."

"Who is Saitou?" wonders Ken.

"Some high school asshole Kuwabara hangs around on occasion," says Yusuke. "Kuwabara becomes insufferable when he gets back from his time with this Saitou guy."

Ken studies Yusuke.

"I haven't even seen this Saitou bastard, and I already want to punch his face in!" spits Yusuke. "He makes Kuwabara so smug!"

"Are we jealous because Kuwabara's chasing after another delinquent tough guy?" Ken teases. "He's so fickle in his affections."

"I wish it were Kuwabara wanting to pick a fight with Saitou," snorts Yusuke, "but no. It's always: 'Saitou _-sempai_ ' something-or-other."

Ken shrugs. "Anyway, while I don't think Okubo has the button," he says, "he might be able to point us in the right direction."

* * *

"Get out," scowls Okubo, snatching his elementary school photo from Yusuke.

"Look, lard-ass," says Yusuke, "I just have a question about a button that Mizuno lost."

"Get the fuck out," Okubo continues, glowering. "I really don't want to dwell on grade-school crap."

Yusuke pins Okubo to a wall. "Did you steal the fucking button to extort blow jobs from Mizuno?" he demands.

"No, you dumbass!" snarls Okubo. "I don't have the fucking button. I wish I did, though," he says, smiling ruefully, "because that does sound like a damn good idea."

"Not really," says Ken, "because judging from that black eye of yours, Kuwabara found out about your thing with Sorano. I might not recognize you if you tried any crap with Mizuno."

"Kuwabara _-san_ and I had a disagreement," says Okubo. "He and I don't always share the same ideals."

"Kuwabara probably doesn't think it's polite to treat a girl like a tube sock," smirks Yusuke, "because she looks like the girl you want to fuck."

"And I get the feeling that he'd outright kill for Mizuno," says Ken. "I think we're done here; Okubo's not our man."

"Thanks for your cooperation," says Yusuke as he releases Okubo, then punches him in the other eye, knocking Okubo out.

"Why'd you do that?" wonders Ken.

"So that he'd look like a _tanuki_ when he wakes up," Yusuke grins.

"You're going to hell, you know that?" says Ken as he leaves Okubo's house.

"I've already been there," Yusuke mutters as he follows Ken out. "It's pretty stupid."

"Then at this rate, you'll be going back there when you die again," scoffs Ken.

"...you heard me?" wonders Yusuke, flabbergasted.

"I have sharp hearing," says Ken. "It's from my dad's side of the family."

* * *

Alone, Kuwabara enters a warehouse.

Inside sits Saitou. "Kazuma _-kun_ ," he says, "good of you to come."

"May I ask what this is all about, Saitou _-sempai_?" asks Kuwabara. "And why you're alone without your pack?"

"You aren't with your stupid trio of assholes," says Saitou, smirking, "so I thought you weren't interested in bullshit today."

"I'm not," says Kuwabara. "I need that tape back, if you really have it."

"It came into my possession recently," says Saitou, "from a man whose curiosity will be the death of him." He snaps his fingers.

A mound of ice erupts from the ground, trapping a figure within it.

"Your men don't fuck around when they call you the 'Ice King', _sempai_ ," says Kuwabara, astonished.

"Let's see who followed you, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou.

"No need," grins the captive, Kurama. "Kuwabara _-kun_ : I told you that my curiosity was an occupational hazard. I figured that you would go to retreive the evidence of your ruthlessness," he continues with a smile, "if some other acquaintance of yours had custody of it. I'm almost satisfied."

"Kurama?" wonders Kuwabara.

Saitou laughs. "You must be getting sloppy, old fox," he says to Kurama.

"True," says Kurama, "but I'm not taking advantage of a child's trust."

"Kazuma _-kun's_ eyes are open," Saitou grins crudely. "I'm impressed with this shit," he says to Kuwabara, pulling out a tape recorder. "You managed to break the worthless bitch without laying a finger on her."

"It's not something I take pride or pleasure in, _sempai_ ," says Kuwabara. "I'll need that back."

"Come on: let's have a listen," says Saitou. "It's just the three of us. Besides, Kurama has a role in this as well."

"I really don't care to hear Aoyama whine," says Kurama, cold.

"She was trash from Meioh that transferred to Sarayashiki," says Saitou.

"Why do you care?" spits Kurama. "You're not even a real high school student."

"As a student at Meioh, you saw what Aoyama was up to with Mizuno and did nothing," continues Saitou. "Your hands are dirty with this as well."

"That would explain why Ami _-san_ doesn't like you," Kuwabara says to Kurama. "Nonetheless," he continues, speaking to Saitou, "I don't think Kurama would be as heartless as to do nothing."

"I alerted the teachers," says Kurama. "What would you have liked me to do, Kuwabara _-kun_?"

"You should have beaten the shit out of Aoyama," says Kuwabara, scowling. "Did you honestly think a vindictive cunt like her would stop at cutting Ami _-san's_ hair?"

"That was part of the reason I treated the matter lightly, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kurama. "The other reason is that Mizuno _-san_ never requested my help," he continues, "though even if she had, I wouldn't have helped her."

"Why not!?" spits Kuwabara, livid.

"Because at the time, I was a wanted fugitive," says Kurama. "In order to effectively save Mizuno _-san_ , I would have had to blow my cover and kill Aoyama and her cohorts."

"You couldn't cover that shit up with a fucking rose bush or something?" scoffs Kuwabara.

"I would have been executed, Kuwabara _-kun_. Mizuno _-san_ wasn't worth me risking my neck," says Kurama.

Kuwabara tenses a fist.

"In any event, Mizuno _-san_ wasn't harmed in that fashion," says Kurama.

Kuwabara punches Kurama. "She was harmed in other ways," he says to Kurama, seething. "Do you know how lonely she was at Meioh? Couldn't you have been her friend? Couldn't you have protected her!?"

"Possibly, but I chose not to," says Kurama. "Are you going to beat your outlook on life into everyone you befriend?"

"If I have to," says Kuwabara, sullen. "I'm _sick_ of this world being a fucking cesspool."

"He who fights monsters, Kuwabara _-kun_ , becomes what he hates. If you somehow succeed," Kurama continues, "you'll be the only one left who's full of shit."

Saitou grins, then laughs. Kuwabara's eyes widen.

"Perhaps we need a less-volatile way," says Kurama, "to fix the problems in the world."

"Sure," says Kuwabara, shrugging. "By my own private code, I have Aoyama's blood on my head. So be it. I have no compassion or sympathy for her," Kuwabara continues, "and no remorse for what I did."

Kurama smiles. "You rationalize your dishonorable actions well," he says.

"What?" scoffs Kuwabara. "Yeah, I could spend several minutes justifying what I did with self-righteous bullshit, or I could state the reality: Ami _-san_ is my friend," he continues, "and no one fucks with my friends with impunity."

"And this is why Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou, grinning, "is a cut above." Snapping his fingers again, Saitou frees Kurama from the ice mound.

"I agree," says Kurama, rubbing his arms. "May I take Kuwabara _-kun_ home now?"

"Certainly, old fox," says Saitou as he hands Kuwabara the tape.

Kuwabara leaves the warehouse.

"It was good to see you again...Kunzite _-dono_ ," smirks Kurama as he leaves after Kuwabara.

"Likewise, Youko Kurama," says Saitou, "in spite of your insolence."

* * *

At the Yukimura clan's ramen shop, Yusuke and Ken pore over their notes.

"So," asks Ken, "what do we know?"

"Kuwabara gave Mizuno his second button as a memento that Mizuno treasures enough to pay me," says Yusuke.

"Along with the tangential fact that Mizuno's so rich that she doesn't mind being ripped off by a moron," mutters Ken.

"I heard that," seethes Yusuke.

"If that offends you, then quit being a lazy moron," says Ken.

Yusuke flips Ken off, then continues. "We know it's attached to a red ribbon, and that Okubo has it bad for Mizuno."

"Except that we've ruled him and the rest of Kuwabara's gang out as suspects," says Ken.

Keiko and another Sarayashiki schoolmate enter the restaurant.

"And we know for a fact that it ain't Kuwabara," snorts Yusuke. "He's sentimental enough to think that a fucking button would be a decent memento."

Keiko, hearing Yusuke's comment as she enters, walks up to Yusuke and Ken's booth. "That would depend," she says coolly to Yusuke. "Was it Kuwabara _-san's_ second button?"

Yusuke expels a strong breath. "Why would it matter which button?" he asks.

"Since you have your uniform on," says Keiko, sitting on Yusuke's lap, "I'll explain."

Yusuke grins. "You have my undivided attention," he says.

"Put your hands on the table," orders Keiko, "and behave yourself.

Yusuke pouts, but complies.

Keiko points to the second button on Yusuke's school jacket. "This button is close to your heart, Yusuke," she says. "Kuwabara was likely trying to express to someone that she had his heart always."

"So it ain't the button," adds Ken, "it's what the button symbolizes." He adds a note to the notebook.

"I do know that Kuwabara had such a crush on a girl in grade school that he dumped frogs down her uniform to get her attention," Yusuke grins. "He never told me the girl's name, but based on all of this, I think Mizuno's the girl."

"It's likely, given the available evidence. That still doesn't tell us where the button is," says Ken, "and we won't get paid until we find it and the culprit."

"Mizuno's at Juuban now," says Yusuke, "but she had transferred in from a private school."

"Meioh Academy," says Keiko. "I found that out when I first met her at a _jukan_ a few months back. You...were in that condition at the time," she continues.

Yusuke snatches the notebook and scribbles a note.

Keiko reads the note. "Who is 'Kurama'?" she asks.

"A friend of mine who goes to Meioh," says Yusuke, relieved that for once, he could be mostly honest with Keiko. "It's a nickname."

"So maybe she had some classmates who might have had an interest in the button?" asks Ken.

"Now that I think about it," says Yusuke, "Kuwabara's guys did get in a fix because they beat up some girls from that school last year. I never did figure out why," he continues. "Kuwabara would never have stood for any guys hitting girls-least of all his own pack."

"Aren't you forgetting about Aoyama?" asks Ken. "Kuwabara humiliated that girl."

"To be fair," says Yusuke, rolling his eyes, "the bitch was clinging to his leg and constantly begging to suck him off, but he seemed annoyed by the whole thing."

"Don't you remember?" asks Keiko, frowning. "Kuwabara played a tape that had Aoyama _-san_ saying shameless things-in front of the whole school. He mocked her on the tape and insulted her before everyone. It was so cruel," she adds, wincing.

"Yeah; that seemed excessive for just being a horny, if annoying, bitch," muses Yusuke, "but I trust Kuwabara. That dumb bastard was getting back at Aoyama for being a bitch to another girl-and _that_ kind of white-knight crap is one of the things Kuwabara's known for."

"But Aoyama _-san_ killed herself that night, Yusuke," says Keiko.

"Because Kuwabara was being an asshole, beating her down verbally?" snickers Yusuke. "I'll admit that doesn't seem like him at first, but that bitch was crazy before she crossed paths with him. Keep in mind: if Aoyama had been a guy," he continues, "Kuwabara would have simply beaten the shit out of her. Kuwabara was simply accounting for the fact that Aoyama was a girl-and it's against his rules to physically attack girls."

"Do you think that Aoyama was crazy enough to steal a button from Mizuno, maybe?" wonders Ken.

Keiko stands. "We'll never know, considering Aoyama _-san's_ suicide," she says. "I have to study." Keiko leaves with her schoolmate.

Ken finishes a bowl of ramen. "Same time tomorrow?" he asks.

"You're really milking the fuck out of the 'free ramen'," scowls Yusuke.

"All I know," says Ken, grinning as he rises from his booth seat, "is that you'd better treat the ramen guy's daughter right, or I might have to take her away from you." He leaves the restaurant.

Yusuke smirks. "In my line of work," he says, "the dead can still speak."

* * *

"I can't give you that information," says Botan. "This button search isn't part of your official Reikai duties."

"I know," spits Yusuke. "I'm actually getting _paid_ for my hard work...or I will if I can find that bitch Aoyama and get her to tell me where the damn button is."

"Aoyama...?" asks Toshitada, looking over a clipboard.

"Aoyama Junko," says Yusuke. "The crazy bitch killed herself over a tape recording Kuwabara made of her being a slut...which he played in front of the whole school during lunch."

Toshitada grins. "I cannot speak to Aoyama _-dono_ being...a young woman of loose morals," he says, "but I can say that I'm having a difficult time locating her soul. If we don't find her soon, she'll become a poltergeist."

"So, finding her is official Reikai business, then," says Yusuke.

"It isn't your duty, Urameshi _-kun_ ," counters Toshitada. "Only _shinigami_ are authorized to retrieve the souls of the dead."

"Don't be such a hard-ass, Toshitada," hisses Yusuke, drawing the auburn-haired _shinigami_ close to him. "You'd still be retrieving Aoyama; I just have to ask her a few questions before you bring her in to Reikai."

"You enjoy bending rules to suit your purposes, don't you?" says Toshitada.

"It's how you get shit done," says Yusuke. "Now," he continues, "where did she die?"

"Aoyama _-dono_ hung herself in her room," says Toshitada, "but she's not there. I'm in the middle of checking the places with the strongest emotional resonances for her." He hands Yusuke the clipboard, to Botan's chagrin.

Yusuke reads the clipboard. "Aoyama could be at the cafeteria at my school, at an unused classroom in Meioh, or at the docks," he says. "I'll take it from here," Yusuke continues.

"That wasn't the bargain," says Toshitada.

"Don't worry," says Yusuke, running out of Reikai. "I'll signal you when I'm done with her."

"I could have told you how that would end," says Botan.

Toshitada smiles blissfully. "Don't you get it?" he says. "If Urameshi _-kun_ is chasing after that rather noxious ghost, then he isn't aggravating us to alleviate his boredom."

"This is supposed to be penance for you," admonishes Botan.

"Yes: penance, Botan _-dono_ -not _eternal damnation_ ," says Toshitada ruefully.

* * *

"Shit," Yusuke spits as he sneaks out of the empty classroom. "You'd think the bitch would be here, in the place of her premature triumph over Mizuno."

Yusuke exits Meioh Academy, then reads over the clipboard. "According to Toshitada's notes," he continues, "Aoyama was the ringleader of a pack of rich, spoiled cunts who tormented Mizuno when she started seventh grade. Aoyama was jealous of Mizuno because Mizuno was pretty and smart on top of being rich as hell."

Yusuke enters the subway system, then boards a subway train. "The _ojou-_ bitch butchered Mizuno's hair with her minions," says Yusuke, "then tied Mizuno to a chair in that classroom; Aoyama had invited some assholes at Meioh to have their way with Mizuno. This is fucked up shit."

Yusuke continues reading Aoyama's file on the clipboard. "Kuwabara's goons saved Mizuno from being fucked," he says, "and the other bitches involved were expelled from Meioh. As for Aoyama herself...Kuwabara beat her at a death game. At the docks."

"I get it!" grins Yusuke, snapping his fingers.

* * *

"You're pretty," Yusuke says to Aoyama, a ghost. "Pretty and pathetic to hang out here every day."

"Urameshi _-kun..._ " says Aoyama. "You and Yukimura _-kun..._ didn't mock me."

"I didn't have any reason to hate you then," says Yusuke, shrugging, "and if I had found out, I still wouldn't hate you. But I would have beat the shit out of you on principle."

Aoyama stares at Yusuke.

"Aoyama: you crossed a line when you fucked with Mizuno the way you did, but since Kuwabara couldn't do what normal guys do when girls cross a fucking line and simply punch you," Yusuke continues, "since Kuwabara would insist on treating you the same way he'd treat any girl in a fight, he challenged you to a death game at this pier."

" _Janken_. It was _janken_ ," mutters Aoyama.

"Kuwabara obviously won-and that's when you started to embarrass yourself, you crazy bitch," snickers Yusuke. "Kuwabara recorded that shit and saved it for a rainy day."

"You...you beast," spits Aoyama.

"That was a surprisingly dirty trick for Kuwabara to pull on you, Aoyama," Yusuke continues with a grin. "There was no way for you to win. If you hadn't groveled to him like a desperate whore in the red-light district, Kuwabara fully intended to drive you into the ocean to drown."

"Shut up!" Aoyama seethes.

"I'm proud of Kuwabara," Yusuke grins. "He built up some extra street cred with that trick, I'll hand him that. But you're lucky, too," he continues, losing his smile. "If you had tried on Keiko the crap you pulled on Mizuno, I would have made you beg for your life too-after beating you to within an inch of it. And I would have exposed you for what you are." Yusuke presses a button on his Reikai Compact.

"Mizuno," says Aoyama sullenly, spitting out the name like a curse. "Why do these stupid men care about Mizuno? Why would that ugly bastard treat me so horridly over Mizuno!?" She shrieks with rage as she continues her rant. "If I had my way, I'd garrote the little bitch!"

"However," says Toshitada, arriving to retrieve Aoyama, "you shall not have you way, wretched soul. It is time for you to face judgment before Enma _-daiousama_."

Yusuke rolls his eyes. _Doesn't Toshitada mean 'Koenma, Diaper-sama'?_ he says to himself as he snickers.

Toshitada grips Aoyama's arm.

"One question," says Yusuke to Aoyama.

"What!?" demands Aoyama.

"Mizuno had a button on a red ribbon. When she was at Meioh, she wore it every day, right?" Yusuke asks.

"So what?" asks Aoyama.

"What did you do with it?" asks Yusuke.

"I tried to take it from her that day," spits Aoyama, "but she held onto it with a death grip. I couldn't make the bitch let it go. I hate her!"

"We must go," says Toshitada. "I thank you for your assistance, Urameshi _-kun_ ," he continues.

"Don't mention it," grins Yusuke.

"I can't," says Toshitada, returning the grin. "A Reikai detective isn't supposed to do anything to retrieve souls."

"And I didn't. I just asked a ghost a question," says Yusuke. Winking, he leaves the pier.

Shaking his head bemusedly, Toshitada takes to the heavens with Aoyama.

* * *

A week passes.

Yusuke and Ami enter a nondescript, windowless building.

Ami's eyes widen as she enters the building's lobby with Yusuke. "This place is a hotel?" she wonders. "Why doesn't it have windows?"

"Privacy," says Yusuke, hiding a grin. He heads to the front desk.

Maeda, working as a hotel clerk, grins at Yusuke. "Urameshi, you lucky asshole," he hisses as he takes out the check-in register. "How'd you manage to land a cutie like her?"

Yusuke snorts. "She's not for me, Maeda," he says to Maeda as he registers Ami and Kuwabara for a room. "Kuwabara's getting a surprise reunion."

"That tall dumbass knows this girl?" balks Maeda.

"Yeah; I'm helping them get reacquainted," says Yusuke. He hands Maeda some extra money. "Now, when Kuwabara arrives at the room, sees the girl-Mizuno-and says 'I'm taking you out of this place, Ami-san'," Yusuke continues, "...let's just say that's your cue to lock them both in the room from the outside."

"Right. That goofy bastard needs a woman in his life," says Maeda, pocketing the bribe from Yusuke.

Yusuke nods to Maeda as he leaves the front desk, then escorts Ami out of the lobby to head to the elevator.

* * *

Kuwabara scowls as he enters the hotel. "What sick bastard would check Ami _-san_ into a place like this?" he mutters under his breath.

Maeda grins. "Hello, Kuwabara _-san_ ," he says.

Kuwabara grabs Maeda's shirt and pulls Maeda across the desk, drawing the shorter boy to him. "Just tell me where the fuck Mizuno Ami is so you can keep your snapper turtle horse teeth in your mouth," he spits.

Maeda flashes a wide smile. "I'll escort you to her personally," he says. "No need for violence."

Kuwabara releases Maeda, glowering as Maeda brushes himself off; they both walk to the elevator.

"Right this way, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Maeda as the elevator door opens. He and Kuwabara enter the elevator.

Kuwabara and Maeda reach the correct floor and head to the room.

"You have a really generous friend, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Maeda as he opens the door.

Ami sits at the foot of the bed, doing homework; she looks up to see Kuwabara and Maeda. "Kazuma _-san_?" she wonders, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

Kuwabara approaches Ami and sits across from her, careful not to disturb her books and notepads. "I was about to ask you the same thing, Ami _-san_ ," he says.

Ami blushes slightly under Kuwabara's gaze. "I was asked to wait here," she says. "It's actually quiet," she continues as she resumes her homework, "an ideal place to study."

Kuwabara stares at Ami, flabbergasted. He starts to pack Ami's books.

Ami stops her homework and turns to Maeda, who stands in the doorway outside. "It's too bad your hotel has no windows," she says to him. "It's very nice."

"Thank you, miss," says Maeda. "As far as the windows being missing: our guests usually like it that way."

Kuwabara finishes packing away Ami's books and school supplies. "Don't you realize we're in a _rabuho_ , Ami _-san_?" he asks.

"What's a ' _rabuho_ '?" asks Ami.

Kuwabara sighs. _Ah, you've led such a sheltered life, Ami-san,_ he says to himself.

"Kazuma _-san_?" Ami continues, poking Kuwabara's arm.

"We're leaving," says Kuwabara, rising to his feet with Ami's book satchel. "I'm taking you out of this place, Ami _-san_."

Maeda smirks. "Your room's been paid for, Kuwabara _-san_ ," he says. "You and Mizuno _-san_ ought to have some fun first." Maeda shuts the door.

Ami stands and reaches for her book satchel as Kuwabara walks to the door.

Kuwabara starts to open the door...only to discover that the door is locked. "The fuck...?" he hisses, pulling on the door and rattling the doorknob.

"What's the matter?" asks Ami.

"Maeda, you ass!" bellows Kuwabara, knocking on the door. "Open this fucking door!"

"I don't think he'll let us out," says Ami, pouting. "We have no choice but to wait until Urameshi _-kun_ releases us from this silly prank."

"I should have known..." says Kuwabara under his breath, glaring at the door. "Urameshi checked you into this place?" he asks Ami.

Ami nods. "He wanted me to wait for him to finish following a lead on a case," she says.

Kuwabara fumes. "Urameshi!" he shrieks as he kicks the door off its hinges. "I swear that I, Kuwabara the man, will kick your ass!" Kuwabara grabs Ami's hand and pulls her out of the room.

Maeda enters the hallway, only to see Kuwabara rushing to the elevator with Ami in tow. " _Oi_!" he spits, noting the broken door. "You can't trash this place, Kuwabara!"

"Go fuck yourself, Maeda! Pay for it with your ill-gotten bribe from Urameshi!" spits Kuwabara. He and Ami enter the elevator.

Maeda scowls. _Shit,_ he says to himself, _I had plans for this cash._

* * *

"Hurry up, Kurama," hisses Yusuke. "We don't have much time."

"I can't be rushed in a matter like this," says Kurama.

"It'd be faster," spits Ken, "if we'd just knock on the door; Mizuno's mother is home."

"Mizuno _-san_ doesn't like me very much," says Kurama.

"Besides," says Yusuke, "I need to check Mizuno's diary to see if she had any other enemies or failed suitors who would try to steal her button. Do you think her mother would let us mess with her shit?" he continues.

"It's possible," says Kurama, "but breaking and entering spares us from having to answer Mizuno _-hakase's_ questions."

"Exactly," says Yusuke. "Also, Kuwabara's too fucking noble to enjoy himself with Mizuno," he continues, "so he'll drag her here any minute."

"Enjoy himself...?" asks Ken, confused.

Kurama finishes his work, opening the window to Ami's bedroom. "Yusuke lured them to a love hotel on the other side of town," he says as he enters.

"That won't delay them long," scoffs Yusuke as he enters the room.

"Indeed; we won't have much time to search properly," says Kurama.

Sighing, Ken follows the other two inside Ami's room. "You've done this before, haven't you?" he scoffs.

"Yes," says Kurama. "Your father was familiar with my work," he adds with a smile.

Yusuke stares at Kurama and Ken as Ken tugs softly on his white hair, fidgeting.

"Please let me handle the search," says Kurama. "I need lookouts."

Ken fumes, but heads to the window.

* * *

Kuwabara and Ami enter Ami's mansion, quickly slipping off their shoes.

Dr. Mizuno notes Ami with Kuwabara. "Kazuma _-kun_ ," she says, astonished. "What a pleasant surpise."

"Forgive me, _okaasan_ ," says Ami, "but we need to go upstairs."

"Not without a proper chaperone," Dr. Mizuno says with a knowing smirk.

" _Okaasan_ ," says Ami, blushing as Kuwabara runs up the stairs, "it's not like that." She follows Kuwabara upstairs, dropping her book satchel.

Dr. Mizuno sighs. _Oddly enough,_ she muses, smiling, _I believe her._ She looks at a family portrait of herself with her ex-husband and Ami as a small infant.

* * *

Kurama hides a book inside his school jacket as Kuwabara and Ami enter Ami's room.

"Urameshi!" demands Kuwabara. "What the fuck are you, Saotome, and...Kurama..." he continues quietly, confused with Ken and Kurama's presence, "...doing in Ami _-san's_ bedroom?"

Yusuke smirks. "I wanted to make sure to bring the button thief back to the scene of the crime," he says triumphantly, slapping Kurama on the back.

"Yeah," sneers Ken, "you're _too_ familiar with the layout of Mizuno's room."

"Ah, you've caught me, Yusuke," smiles Kurama. "I couldn't help myself. My curiosity," he continues, locking eyes with Kuwabara, "had to be satisfied." Kurama reveals the button, dangling from a red satin ribbon.

"I'll have that back now, Minamino _-kun_ ," says Ami curtly.

"That depends on a few things, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Kurama. "If you value this keepsake enough to pay Yusuke to find it," he continues, "then what would you do to-*"

Kuwabara knocks the button out of Kurama's hand, catches the button, and returns it to Ami. "She won't have to do anything," he says. "Now get out of her room."

Kurama chuckles, rubbing his hand.

Yusuke rolls his eyes. "I'll be back for the rest of my fee," he says as he leaves. Kurama follows Yusuke out.

"After you, lover boy," says Ken, leveling a pointed smirk at Kuwabara.

Kuwabara snorts. "I'm not like you and Urameshi: constantly thinking about a woman's body," he says.

"You'd better be right behind me," scoffs Ken, leaving Ami's room.

Kuwabara grins, touching Ami's nose. "I'll have to keep a sharp eye on you, my naive _ojou-sama_ ," he says playfully.

"But who will keep an eye on _you_ , my violent, reckless knight?" asks Ami in kind, stroking Kuwabara's cheek.

Kuwabara holds Ami's hand to his cheek; he kisses the palm of her hand briefly, then stands straight. "I suppose I'll have to watch myself, too," he smiles.

Ami takes Kuwabara's hands, then pecks Kuwabara on the cheek. "Thank you, Kazuma _-san_ ," she says, embracing him.

Kuwabara holds her.

"I've missed you," Ami whispers.

Kuwabara leans his head, blowing on Ami's ear. "So have I," he whispers back.

" _Oi_ , Kuwabara!" crows Yusuke from downstairs. "You had your shot at _that_ back at the hotel!"

Kuwabara breaks the embrace, annoyed with Yusuke. "Please excuse my rude companions," he says. "I need to go downstairs."

"Take care," says Ami.

Kuwabara nods, then leaves Ami's room.

* * *

After school at Sarayashiki Middle, Ami hands Yusuke a check.

Yusuke reads the check. "Where's the rest of it, Mizuno?" he demands.

Ami pulls out a sheet of notebook paper. "Please review our contract, Urameshi _-kun_ ," she says.

Yusuke pulls out his copy of their contract and reads it.

"If you recall," Ami continues, "it stipulates that you were to find the button and the thief-*"

"I did that!" spits Yusuke.

"And," adds Ami, "you were to retrieve the button. You failed to retrieve it. If you only do half of the job, then it stands to reason that you should only be paid half of what we agreed upon."

"But you have the damn thing back!" growls Yusuke, livid.

"Yes; and I offered Kuwabara _-san_ the other half," says Ami, "but he declined."

"He's the guy who gave it to you in the first place," hisses Yusuke.

Ami turns around, stifling a giggle. "Good day, Urameshi _-kun_ ," she says, walking away.

Yusuke fumes a moment, then grins. "I'll let you get away with that one, Mizuno," he says. Yusuke pockets his check, then slings his book satchel and leaves the school.

* * *

"Half is better than none, considering the minimal amount of work you actually did," says Ken as Yusuke divides the cash; Yusuke had redeemed the check.

Yusuke grins. "Even this is enough to keep me in the arcade for weeks," he says. "And I know the perfect arcade to visit: _**Game Center Crown Arcade**_."

Koenma appears and filches the money from Yusuke and Ken. "I'm the management," he says, a devious glint in his eyes. "I get a one-hundred percent cut."

Yusuke and Ken glare at Koenma.

"And because you two have already spent five thousand of the initial twenty-five thousand _yen_ retainer," Koenma continues, "you now owe Reikai money."

"No!" spits Yusuke.

"You don't want to screw with me," says Koenma. "Yusuke, you dumbass: you used Reikai's resources to solve your lucrative little case," he continues, "so you have to compensate us for that."

Yusuke stares at Koenma.

"Don't try to blame my penitent _shinigami_ you had helped for your loss," adds Koenma. "Sometimes that fellow forgets that he's on probation-and therefore under constant surveillance."

Yusuke grabs Koenma. "You're a god, and a judge of the dead," he hisses. "Where the hell would you spend money!?"

"Plenty of places," snorts Koenma, breaking free of Yusuke's grip. "Why do you think Charon insists on two _obols_ from his new arrivals?"

"Chthonic deities are greedy bastards on a good day," mutters Ken. "You'd better give me my hard-earned money back, you little brat," he says to Koenma.

"I have no plans to do that, _koinu_ ," quips Koenma, vanishing from Yusuke's room.

"Why would he call you ' _koinu_ '?" asks Yusuke, confused.

Ken scowls, then removes his hat, revealing his ears. "Because of my older brother, Sesshoumaru," he seethes, "I'm stuck running errands for that rotten kid deity, too."

"...what kind of _yokai_ is your brother?" wonders Yusuke, staring at Ken's ears.

"An _inuyokai_ ," sneers Ken, "hence ' _koinu_ '. The uppity bastard refuses to leave Ningenkai."

"Then if I get the asshole to go to where he belongs," says Yusuke, "Koenma would give us our money back with interest."

Ken shakes his head. "Koenma doesn't send detectives on suicide missions," he says. "Sesshoumaru's very strong, beyond anything you've ever fought."

Koenma's face appears on Yusuke's television. "Ken-or rather, Inuyasha-is right, Yusuke," he says. "Don't challenge Sesshoumaru. I've had a special task unit assigned to that guy for the past 350 years."

"And you haven't been able to subdue him in that much time?" asks Yusuke.

"With Ken's presence," says Koenma, perturbed, "we've currently adopted a 'wait-and-see' approach to Sesshoumaru."

"In short," says Ken, "at present, I _am_ the 'special task unit' for Sesshoumaru."

"If you do challenge Sesshoumaru and die, Yusuke," says Koenma, "we aren't responsible, and we won't bring you back." The television shuts off.

"I can't mention that the only reason I used 'Reikai's resources' was to help that bastard _shinigami_ find a ghost," mutters Yusuke.

Ken studies Yusuke quizzically. "I'll have to write off the money," he says, "but you still have to foot the bill for my ramen."

Yusuke scowls at Ken.

* * *

Ami knocks on the door to Kurama's house.

Kurama answers. "I suppose you have come for that," he sighs. "I've just finished reading it, Mizuno _-san_."

"You are correct on the first count," states Ami. "I will have my journal back now, please, Minamino _-kun_. The license to invade my privacy only extends to my friends," she adds with a rueful smile.

Kurama returns the thin smirk. "As Kuwabara _-kun_ is my friend," he says, returning the journal to Ami, "I suppose we shall have to bury our grudges."

"I don't have any grudges, Minamino _-kun_. I simply find it sad that you only care for yourself," says Ami.

"I find it pitiful that you only care for others to your own detriment," says Kurama. "I would have helped you that day, had you only asked for my help."

"...good day, Minamino _-kun_ ," says Ami. She leaves.

* * *

Under a tree at Sarayashiki Middle, Kuwabara studies from a textbook.

Kuwabara sighs and looks up at the figure casting a shadow over his textbook. "Urameshi," he says to Yusuke, "you're in my light."

"I wasn't aware that you owned the fucking sun, Kuwabara," grins Yusuke. "Let's skip out and pay Mizuno a visit."

"No," says Kuwabara.

"Where are your minions?" asks Yusuke.

"Sawamura's visiting some family of his in California," says Kuwabara. "Kirishima has the flu, and Okubo-in addition to having an extra black eye..."

"You're welcome," smirks Yusuke.

Kuwabara snorts. "...has his month out for a big event at Fuan's. Takenaka gave him permission as long as he studies his ass off and his grades improve."

"You think that asshole Akashi will fuck with him again?" asks Yusuke.

"You need to attend school more often," says Kuwabara. " _Rat-tooth_ was fired months ago. In fact, it was shortly before that bitch killed herself."

"So when will Iwamoto get sacked?" asks Yusuke.

"Not happening," scoffs Kuwabara. "Iwamoto's dating Aoyama's aunt. Aoyama's father is the district superintendent's brother-which is how Aoyama was able to transfer herself over to Sarayashiki to annoy me."

"Then why is Akashi unemployed?" wonders Yusuke. "You'd think that Aoyama's uncle-the superintendent-would hire more assholes to make your time here shit."

"Aoyama's own father packed his shit, quit his job as a lawyer, and moved to Nagoya. The Aoyama clan is fucked up," says Kuwabara whimsically, "and that's all I have to say on the matter."

Several minutes pass in silence.

"You did the right thing," says Yusuke.

"No, I didn't," counters Kuwabara, frowning. "I opened my heart to darkness, Urameshi; I threw the door wide open. It's just that I got lucky and nothing came in."

Yusuke stares at Kuwabara.

"Actually, this is what Ami _-san's_ father told me: my flaws, my 'childish arrogance' saved me from myself," continues Kuwabara, "and I had sense enough to shut the fucking door."

"What would have been dark about drowning Aoyama?" scoffs Yusuke. "The bitch had it coming."

"I had absolute power over her," says Kuwabara soberly. "I was starting to go insane, fucking drunk with the power and thrill of hearing her beg," he continues, "and I was kind of getting off on it. It made me sick to think I was anything like her, and that's why I ended up refusing her offers to suck me off-to head off your next perverted question."

"You could stand to be a bit evil, Kuwabara," says Yusuke. "It'll save your soul in the long run."

Kuwabara's eyes widen.

"'Evil' ain't the right word...shit. Just quit trying to act so fucking pure and virtuous," Yusuke scowls. "You're human, Kuwabara. Accept it. Enjoy it." Yusuke leaves Kuwabara alone beneath the tree.

Kuwabara picks up his textbook and resumes his work.


	15. Elixir 8

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **8**_ : What do you think this is: some silly _shoujo_ anime?

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

Usagi drags a large pink duffel bag out of her house, bringing it to the car. She drops it with an exaggerated sigh of exhaustion.

Shingo walks outside with two suitcases, a cheerful smile on his face.

"It would be nice if I had a considerate brother," says Usagi, "someone who would help his sister with her luggage."

Shingo tosses his two suitcases in the car's open trunk. "It would be wonderful, I think," he says with a smirk, "to have a sensible and mature older sister who doesn't pack more things than she would possibly need."

"It's better to be over-prepared than under-prepared," says Usagi, pouting.

"Since when do you prepare at all?" quips Shingo.

Usagi fumes at Shingo, then starts to grab her bag...only to find it missing.

"Yo, _odango_ ," says Mamoru, holding the pink duffel bag on his shoulder. "I'll be nice and load this for you."

Usagi glares at Mamoru. "What are _you_ doing here?" she demands.

"Your friends came here to see you off," he says, nodding towards Naru, Ami, Rei, Makoto, and Minako. "I tagged along for my own amusement," he continues, grinning, "and as usual, you don't disappoint."

Usagi points at Shingo. "That twerp over there is only eleven years old," she says to Mamoru as he loads the pink duffel bag into the trunk. "What's your excuse for being a jerk?"

Mamoru leans in close to Usagi. "The truth is...I'm so hungry for your attention," he whispers into Usagi's ear, "that I like to get a rise out of you."

"I've tried ignoring you," says Usagi peevishly, "but you won't go away."

"You shouldn't treat your boyfriend like that," says Shingo as he enters the back seat of the car.

"This creep isn't my boyfriend!" says Usagi.

Mamoru kisses Usagi's cheek. "I'll miss you anyway, _odango_ ," he says. "Later." He walks off, smiling.

Usagi trembles, touching her cheek as she tries to hold back her blushing.

Naru turns to the other girls, scowling at Rei. "Come on," she says. "Let's send her off nicely."

Makoto offers Usagi a wrapped package. "I...made some chocolate cupcakes," she grins bashfully. "For you two and Sota."

Usagi accepts Makoto's gift, a cool expression on her face. "Thank you," she says.

"Take care," says Minako.

"We hope to see you back," says Ami. "Enjoy your trip."

"I'll see you when I get back," says Usagi, frowning. "We have no choice in the matter, after all."

Ami winces; Rei rolls her eyes. Makoto stares at her sneakers, while Minako's eyes widen.

Usagi smiles at Naru. "I'll let you know how I survived dealing with Shingo when I return," she says.

"I can't wait," says Naru, gently pinching Rei. "How about you?" Naru asks Rei.

Rei shrugs. "See you when you get back, Usagi," she says, annoyed.

Usagi narrows her eyes at Rei, then enters the car with Shingo.

Kenji loads the trunk with the rest of the luggage and shuts the trunk. Usagi's mother, Ikuko, enters the car.

Kenji grins. "We're off!" he says. "Usagi won't be away from you for too long," Kenji continues. "You're such good friends to see her off."

The group of girls, including a peeved Rei, give Kenji their thanks as they bow to him. Inside the car, Usagi mutters, rolling her eyes.

Kenji enters the driver's side of the car, then drives away.

* * *

"She was so cold to us," says Minako, rubbing her arms.

"I think we made her mad," adds Makoto.

"You know," says Naru sardonically, "I'm not sure why Usagi would be angry. If I didn't know better," she continues, "I'd think that a group of girls who are supposed to be her friends were talking about her behind her back."

"Forget that spoiled brat!" spits Rei. "I hope Usagi stays mad at us! It's already an improvement over her whining."

"You were the ringleader," seethes Naru.

"So what!?" counters Rei. "I said nothing about her then that I hadn't said to her face numerous times before! If Usagi can't handle the truth," Rei continues, "that's her problem."

Ami sighs. "I have a great deal of studying to do," she says, "so I'll take my leave."

"Yeah," says Makoto, "and I have to head home. See you all next week."

"Until then," says Minako with a grin. She, Ami, and Makoto leave.

Rei scowls at Usagi's home, now empty of its residents.

"You don't _want_ to like Usagi, do you?" says Naru.

"What are you talking about?" Rei demands.

"I know this is about Mamoru _-san_ : the moron who kissed Usagi on the cheek and packed her bag for her," says Naru. "Deep down, you don't want to understand Usagi," Naru continues, "because you know that if you did, you'd have to face the truth about _yourself_." Naru walks away before Rei can respond.

Rei snorts. "Does Naru think I'm dense!?" she says aloud to herself as she walks away from Usagi's house. _Stupid Usagi is confused and afraid of growing up. Somebody's got to throw her into the deep end, though,_ Rei scoffs. _It may as well be me._

* * *

Sota runs to his favorite tree, near an ancient well. He smiles up at a cloaked young man.

"You're in good spirits," says the man.

"My cousins came to visit me," says Sota shyly. "I really like Usagi, Hanazou," he adds, his eyes bright. "She's pretty, and always kind."

"I can imagine," says Hanazou.

"I think Shingo's lucky to have a big sister like her," continues Sota.

"Lucky?" asks Hanazou.

Sota nods. "I wish I had a big sister," he says.

Hanazou studies Sota a moment. "Hm...I think..." he says, trailing off.

"You think what?" asks Sota.

"Yes!" says Hanazou, slamming his fist into the palm of his other hand. "You did have an older sister, I think. I remember seeing her."

"I don't remember having a big sister," says Sota.

"You were just a baby," says Hanazou. "It was actually rather sad, what Shingo did to your sister five years ago..." Hanazou drifts off again.

"I don't get it," says Sota. "Shingo's not a bad person."

"I know; Shingo was just being a young, impulsive little boy," says Hanazou. "Shingo had wanted an older sister so badly," Hanazou continues, "that he found a way to take yours away."

"How!?" spits Sota. "I don't believe you! Cousin Kenji would have caught him."

Hanazou grins. "Shingo used magic," he says, revealing a glittering, dark purple crystal. "He managed to enchant your older sister," Hanazou continues, "and even change everyone's memories."

Sota stares at the crystal, mesmerized by its shine.

"But you know, deep within, that you had a big sister once," says Hanazou, "someone you had loved with all your heart even as a baby."

"Wait..." says Sota, shaking his head. "If you know so much," he continues, "what was her name?"

"Her name?" asks Hanazou, flabbergasted.

"Yes, her name," says Sota, pouting at Hanazou.

"Ah...it's so hard to remember details like that," Hanazou sighs dramatically. "I'm a wandering monk after all. But I think..." continues Hanazou. "I think her name was..."

The crystal flashes brightly, and Sota becomes entranced once more.

"...Kagome. Yes," says Hanazou with a smile, "her name was Kagome." Hanazou pulls the crystal back into the folds of his robes.

"'Kagome...'?" wonders Sota, awakening from his trance. "That's part of _kaasan's_ favorite nursery rhyme."

"That's right," says Hanazou. "Your mother named Kagome after that rhyme. She was a kind, brave, and beautiful little girl when I first saw her."

"But...she'd be eleven now," says Sota, "the same age as Shingo. Usagi's older than that."

"No, Sota," warns Hanazou, "Kagome only _thinks_ she's older than Shingo. Magic can do marvelous things."

"If...if you're telling the truth," says Sota, "then I want my sister back! More than anything else in the world!" he adds, tears in his eyes.

"Of course!" Hanazou draws Sota into a warm hug. "I can help you-and everyone you love-with this magic crystal." Hanazou pulls out the crystal again.

"We fight magic with magic?" asks Sota.

"Right. You're very smart for your age," says Hanazou, handing Sota the crystal. "Put this under your pillow at night," he continues, "and Kagome will come back to you."

"Thank you, Hanazou!" says Sota. He runs from the tree, toward his house.

"No," smirks Hanazou as he resumes his true attire, "thank you, Sota _-chan_."

"Zoisite," says Kunzite as he appears with a pink rose in hand, "you would make a terrible monk." Kunzite hands Zoisite the rose.

Zoisite pulls Kunzite close, kissing the tall, silver-haired man. The two begin removing each other's clothes, ready for an evening of passion.

* * *

Shingo loads his luggage into the trunk of the car, frustrated. _Where has she been all week?_ he wonders silently. _I couldn't make her angry enough to avoid me if I tried. She couldn't be this flaky if she tried._

Ikuko tousles Shingo's hair. "Are you alright, Shingo?" she asks.

"I'm just annoyed with Usagi," says Shingo. "Why would she tell Sota that she headed home ahead of us without telling Cousin Midori?"

"Usagi can be difficult," says Ikuko, "although even for her, this is unusual."

"This is the second time that Usagi's worried us sick during a family vacation," Shingo pouts, trembling.

"I still have a bit of faith in her," says Ikuko. "Let's head home."

"Why did Usagi- _neechan_ leave early?" asks Kagome, standing with Sota and his grandfather.

Sota grins, fingering a dark purple crystal. "Usagi wanted to head back home so that she could get ready for school."

Kagome balks at Sota's answer. "Wow!" she exclaims. "She's almost as focused on class as my friend Ami."

Kenji, Ikuko, and Shingo's eyes all widen. "That doesn't sound like our Usagi at all!" they say in unison.

Kenji sighs. "Let's head home so we can get to the bottom of this," he says.

The Tsukino clan, without Usagi, enters the car and drives away.

* * *

"...I thank you," says Ikuko, bowing to Ami and Dr. Mizuno. She leaves Ami's house.

Dr. Mizuno sighs. "I will ask you again, Ami," she says. "Has Usagi _-san_ contacted you at all?"

"No, _okaasan_ ," says Ami, "she hasn't."

"Tsukino _-san_ is worried, as I would be if you were lost," says Dr. Mizuno. "I had hoped that Usagi had confided in you, so that you could set her mother's mind at ease."

"If Usagi had confided in me," says Ami, "I could never betray her confidence. With that said," she continues, "she hasn't spoken to me or anyone else I know since she left for her trip to the Higurashi clan's house."

"No one at all? Not even Naru _-san_?" asks Dr. Mizuno.

"No one, _okaasan_ ," says Ami. "May I please finish my homework?"

"If you learn anything," says Dr. Mizuno, "please let us know."

* * *

"Usagi's being a brat, that's all!" spits Rei. She, Ami, Makoto, and Minako meet at Hikawa Shrine.

"She couldn't be this much of one if she wanted to!" counters Makoto.

"I don't think it's in her to be so petty that she'd worry her parents sick," adds Minako.

"Agreed," says Ami. "If we're going to find Usagi," she continues, "we must think rationally."

"My father called," says Rei. "Usagi's father tricked security at my father's office just to get at him to talk to me. Usagi's absurdity is causing other people to be absurd!"

"Let's consider the facts at hand," says Ami. "Usagi left for her trip with Shingo, angry with us, but otherwise normal. The Tsukino clan returned, but without Usagi."

"Maybe Usagi's staying with the Higurashi clan," says Makoto.

"Her parents wouldn't be so worried," says Minako.

"Let's clear our heads," says Rei. "We should take a break from worrying about Usagi, and focus ourselves on seeking the _nijizuishou_."

"We still need Sailor Moon's help for that," counters Ami. "Thoughts about Usagi are unavoidable in that regard."

Rei scowls. "Do you all think I was wrong that day?" she demands.

"I won't take sides," says Ami.

"I think we all were wrong," says Makoto sourly. "We should find Usagi and apologize."

"That's the tricky part: finding her," says Minako. "It's like Usagi has fallen off the face of the earth."

* * *

 _Why can't I keep my mind off that screwy conversation?_ muses Mamoru.

 _Mamoru stared at the light-haired young man, who wore a tasteful pale rose suit and rose-tinted glasses. "What do you want from me?" demanded Mamoru._

 _The young man sat down at Mamoru's table, at a cafe near Keio University. "I'll gladly tell you," he said. "Let's get down to business, Mamoru-chan."_

 _Mamoru scowled at the young man. "First of all: who the hell are you?" he asked._

 _"I could tell you that my identity is unimportant, but why bother with such banalities?" said the young man. "I'm a business partner of that missing executive, Sanjouin Masato."_

 _Mamoru raised an eyebrow._

 _The young man leaned closer to Mamoru. "Just between you and me," he whispered, "I know exactly how and why he disappeared."_

 _"I don't care about Sanjouin or any corporate shenanigans," said Mamoru._

 _"But you should," said the young man. "We were partners, but also fierce rivals," he continued, "and we were searching for the same priceless artifact our client wanted: the ginzuishou."_

 _Mamoru stared at the young man, puzzled._

 _"In any event," continued the young man, "Sanjouin didn't have the same intelligence that I'm now sharing with you: the ginzuishou was split into seven crystal pieces-three of which I have right here." The young man placed three shimmering gemstones on the table._

 _Mamoru's eyes widened in shock._

 _"As I suspected: you're seeking the nijizuishou as well, Mamoru-chan," said the young man with a smirk. "You already have two of them," he continued, "no doubt absconded from my agents when you did battle against them in your evening attire-alongside your sailor-suited allies." The young man snatches his three nijizuishou off the table._

 _Mamoru gave the young man a nasty grin. "Let me guess," he sneered, "you want my two nijizuishou."_

 _"Precisely. Just hand them over to me quietly, and our paths will never cross again," said the young man._

 _"No," said Mamoru flatly. "I have need of them for my own reasons. And for the record," Mamoru continued, "those young women are not my allies. They are a separate set of rivals after the same crystals."_

 _"Then take theirs," said the young man. "That way, I can collect all four from you and complete my collection for my client."_

 _"I'm not handing anything to you," spat Mamoru._

 _"Don't make hasty decisions, Mamoru-chan," said the young man. "That's what killed Sanjouin."_

 _"Are you threatening me?" countered Mamoru._

 _"I won't kill you immediately," said the young man. "That will happen after I've made you suffer for a bit-if you cross me."_

 _Mamoru scowled._

 _"If you don't surrender your nijizuishou to me," the young man continued, "I will find that person that means everything to you...and make her disappear forever." The young man disappeared in a flurry of rose and sakura petals before Mamoru could respond._

 _That was over two weeks ago,_ says Mamoru to himself as he enters the _**Crown Arcade**_.

* * *

Inside, Mamoru sees Shingo frowning at a large sundae.

Mamoru walks over to Shingo, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Yo, Shingo _-kun_ ," he says, grinning. "Why isn't _odango_ here to eat this sundae?"

"Usagi has been missing for weeks," says Shingo. "She disappeared during our trip to my cousin's house," he adds, worried.

Mamoru loses his smile. "What happened?" he asks, tense.

"I don't know," says Shingo, pouting. "We went to Cousin Midori's house, and Usagi was her usual self. She went to bed. That's the last time anyone saw her."

Mamoru studies Shingo. "Something's eating you," he says.

"You want to know what it is!?" Shingo blurts, frustrated. "I don't even remember a cousin named Kagome! You'd think I'd have more memories of a cousin my own age..."

"What else bothers you about Kagome?" asks Mamoru.

"Nothing much. She's a sensible girl most of the time," says Shingo, "but sometimes she acts just like Usagi. It's weird."

"I'd figure that family members do share a few quirks in common," says Mamoru, grinning at Shingo, "more than they'd care to admit."

"That makes sense, I guess," sighs Shingo. "What really bugs me is that there's no one at Kagome's school named Ami."

"Why is that important?" asks Mamoru.

"Kagome mentioned a school friend named Ami when we were heading home," says Shingo, "and she said her friend Ami was pretty focused on school. The way Kagome said it, though: beat for beat, it was just like Usagi when she talks about our Ami, Mizuno _-san_."

"Does Kagome have friends who attend other schools?" asks Mamoru.

"I checked that," says Shingo. "There are seven elementary schools in Kagome's town. Three schools have girls named Ami, but none of those girls are as smart as Mizuno _-san_."

"What are you thinking, then? That your cousins brainwashed Usagi into thinking she's an eleven-year old girl?" scoffs Mamoru.

Shingo glares at Mamoru. "I'd hate to think Usagi's actually right about you, Chiba _-san_ ," he says. "I was pulling for you to be my brother-in-law."

"It's a bit premature to marry your sister off," says Mamoru. "Still, if you're serious about this, why don't we pay Kagome a surprise visit?"

Shingo stares at Mamoru.

"It'll ease your mind," Mamoru continues. "And after that, I can help you search for Usagi."

Shingo grins, eating some of the sundae. "You said her name properly," he says. "I'll have you in the family yet."

"Doesn't your sister have any say in the matter?" quips Mamoru, also eating the sundae.

"If she were here," says Shingo, a sad look in his eyes, "she'd complain about you eating her ice cream."

"That's why ice cream from her bowl is the tastiest," smirks Mamoru.

* * *

Mamoru and Shingo arrive at the Higurashi house; Shingo knocks on the door.

Midori opens the door. "Shingo," she says, smiling. "What a pleasant surprise."

"Hello, Cousin Midori," says Shingo, bowing. "I wanted to see Kagome again," he continues. "It's cool to have a cousin my own age."

Midori studies Mamoru.

Shingo notes Midori's scrutiny. "Oh, forgive me: this is Chiba Mamoru," he says, introducing Mamoru. "He's one of Usagi's friends, and he's helping me search for her."

"That's kind of you," says Midori. "Still no sign of her?"

Shingo shakes his head. "It's just not the same at home without Usagi," he says.

"I can only imagine Ikuko _-san_ 's sorrow," says Midori. "To lose your only daughter. I'd be fraught with worry if anything happened to Kagome."

Carrying Sota on her back, Kagome rushes out of her room.

Kagome sees Shingo. "Shingo _-kun_!" she says eagerly, her eyes bright.

Mamoru stares at Kagome, dumbfounded.

Shingo smiles. "I just wanted to see you again," he says, "and get you locked in my memory- _oi_ , Chiba _-san_! What's the deal?"

Mamoru grips Shingo's shoulder. "We need to go. Now," he says, his expression stony.

"Okay, just let go," says Shingo, rubbing his shoulder as Mamoru complies.

Mamoru and Shingo leave.

"That was abrupt," says Kagome.

"They're both worried about Usagi- _neechan_ ," says Sota. "Hanazou told me that Mamoru really likes her," he whispers in Kagome's ear.

"Ooh! Usagi- _neechan_ is so lucky!" Kagome squeals. "I hope she can get home safely," she adds seriously.

"I wouldn't worry so much about that," says Sota.

Kagome drops to her haunches, nudging Sota off her back. "Enough playtime, Sota," she says. "I have to get back to my school work."

"Okay," says Sota, pecking Kagome on the cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too, _otouto_ ," says Kagome. She reenters her room.

"It's good to see siblings getting along with each other," says Midori, smiling. "A bond between brother and sister can be very strong." Midori enters the kitchen to prepare dinner.

Sota pulls out his crystal and stares at it. _Shingo never had a big sister named Usagi,_ he scowls. _I won't let him take mine away ever again._

The crystal shimmers.

* * *

Outside the Higurashi shrine, Shingo glares at Mamoru. "What's your problem!?" he spits. "You wanted to see if Usagi was lost here, right?"

"She...she's not lost," says Mamoru, dazed.

"What are you talking about?" Shingo demands.

"Didn't you see her!?" spits Mamoru, his eyes wild. "That girl was Usagi!"

"I think I'd know my own sister by sight!" counters Shingo.

"Granted, she's not wearing her regular hairstyle, but yes: Kagome is Usagi," says Mamoru.

"You're crazy, Chiba _-san_!" says Shingo. "Either that or cruel."

"I've known Usagi ever since the day you were born," says Mamoru.

Shingo stares at Mamoru.

"Hear me out..." Mamoru explains to Shingo that he was injured in a car crash over ten years ago and lost most of his memory before age seven. The same car crash killed his parents.

"So you have partial amnesia and you're an orphan?" asks Shingo.

Mamoru nods. "I met your sister in the hospital; she was only three. I remember it so clearly: how bright her eyes were, how kind and gentle she was. She gave me a rose," continues Mamoru, "and I've loved...roses ever since."

"How do you know it was the day I was born?" Shingo counters.

"Because Usagi had confided in me at the time that she had a baby brother," says Mamoru, touching Shingo's nose. "She forgot," he continues, "but I never did. It's the clearest, and earliest memory of my life that I have, and Usagi's a part of it."

Shingo studies Mamoru a moment. "You know," he says eventually, "I was just joking about you being my brother-in-law."

"And I was just teasing about your sister being brainwashed," says Mamoru, "except it seems that's precisely what's happened."

"That's impossible! Usagi is three years older and several centimeters taller than Kagome!" balks Shingo.

 _Shingo...doesn't see her. How can he not see her: the bright and wide eyes, the light hair, that heartfelt smile...?_ Mamoru muses as he shakes his head. _How does he not see his own sister's slightly-plump but well-developed fourteen-year old body!?_

"I'm ready to go home," says Shingo.

"We just got here," says Mamoru. "Maybe I'm letting my concern for Usagi get to me," he continues, "but just humor me for a few days. Let's stick around for the weekend."

"Like I have a choice," says Shingo. "You're my ride home."

* * *

"Usagi was right!" spits Shingo, leaping off Mamoru's moped. "You really are a royal jerk!"

Mamoru ignores Shingo, touching his chin in thought. "I thought for sure that would have snapped her out of it," he muses aloud.

"It's bad enough that you tried to molest Kagome!" continues Shingo.

"I kissed her on the lips," counters Mamoru as he steps off his moped. "That doesn't put me in the same category as a child rapist."

"Drenching her with water was the last straw!" says Shingo hotly. "What did you think was going to happen!?"

"I...I thought that maybe whoever convinced Usagi that she was Kagome had," says Mamoru lamely, "...used water-soluble hair dye...?"

"That didn't work at all, did it!?" Shingo demands.

"I also thought that if Kagome was your sister," says Mamoru, scowling, "that your sister's remarkably high-strung temper would come out and she'd break any trance she might be under to get at the jerks who emptied several liters of water onto her."

"I was a silly kid who got caught up by your enthusiasm," pouts Shingo. "Though that would have made Usagi furious..." Shingo starts to chuckle, then shakes his head.

Mamoru grins.

"No! I'm still mad at you! I'm grounded because of you!" Shingo seethes.

"I'm not wrong," says Mamoru as his grin fades. "You weren't wrong. I'll find a way to prove it," he adds with conviction.

"Don't bother," says Shingo, sullenly glaring at Mamoru's earnestness. "Just...don't bother!" Shingo runs inside his house, upset.

* * *

Mercury and Venus look through a park, Mercury scanning for a _nijizuishou_ with her computer. Mars and Jupiter are searching nearby at a park bench.

A rose lands in front of Mercury, stuck into the ground. Mercury looks up; Tuxedo Kamen descends and picks up his rose.

Venus approaches Kamen. "Tuxedo Kamen," she says. "This is a surprise."

Kamen looks over the _senshi_ , a brow furrowed with thought.

"Is there a problem?" asks Mercury. Jupiter and Mars approach the group.

"We haven't seen you lately," says Mars.

"Did you have better luck finding the _nijizuishou_?" adds Jupiter.

"No," says Kamen. He turns his back on the _senshi_.

The _senshi_ stare at Kamen.

"Tell me," says Kamen. "Where's Sailor Moon? Isn't she with you?"

The _senshi_ lower their heads. "We...don't know where she is," says Mars quietly.

"I see," says Kamen. "If you meet her again," he continues, "please let me know. I need her help."

"What's the problem?" asks Mercury. "Maybe we can help."

"I don't think you can," says Kamen coldly, his fists tense.

"What do you mean?" demands Jupiter hotly.

"Sailor Moon is the only one who can help me save someone I care about," Kamen says, leveling a hard, intense glare on the _senshi_ as he turns to face them, "someone that matters far more to me than the _nijizuishou_."

The four _senshi_ stare at Kamen.

"To be blunt, I haven't even been looking for them." Kamen pulls out a pair of colored gems and tosses them to Mars. "If I can't find this person," he spits, "then these gems are worthless." Kamen leaves the _senshi_.

Mars stares at the two _nijizuishou_ , trembling.

"Have you been able to find her?" asks Jupiter.

"N-no. No, I haven't," says Mars, subdued.

* * *

Kuwabara pulls some food out of the refrigerator, about to fix a snack. He drops the food when he sees someone familiar on his couch.

"Yo," says the fellow, dressed in a tuxedo.

" _Oi_ , Chiba!" says Kuwabara, shocked. "Did you finally figure out that you were the guy driving girls wild with Tuxedo Kamen fantasies?" he asks wryly.

"At this time, I just recently learned it," says the man. "You knew it before I did, of course."

"There's another question," says Kuwabara. "How the hell did you get into my house?"

"I'm not in your house," says the fellow. "I'm an astral projection of the person you think I am: from the future," says the man truthfully.

"So you are Chiba," says Kuwabara slowly.

"I haven't answered to that name in a thousand years," says the man, "but yes: I was once Chiba Mamoru. In my time," he continues, "the only person that calls me 'Mamoru' is my wife."

Kuwabara sits in a chair next to the couch, staring at the man. "Okay, 'man-who-was-once-Chiba': why did it take a thousand years for you and Tsukino _-san_ to get hitched, and why are you astral projecting yourself into my living room?"

The man laughs, Mamoru's familiar smirk on his face. "The first question is irrelevant, and will only raise more unnecessary questions," he says. "The second however, is important, as it could change the tide of history: I need to make sure you don't interfere in what is essentially my fight."

"Your fight," says Kuwabara, "or rather, Chiba's fight in the here and now."

"Yes," says the man. "You would agree that a man has to fight his own battles until the end, right?"

Kuwabara nods.

"Then if the _senshi_ ask you to help them find and save Tsukino Usagi," says the man, "you must refuse."

"But they've tried to find Tsukino _-san_ for three weeks!" spits Kuwabara. "You shouldn't play these kind of games with your future wife-or you might not have one."

"Don't over-think this matter," says the man. "Usagi is in no danger. This is merely a test of my own resolve...no, that's not true," he adds. "I'm also pushing someone else to be stronger-willed than she is."

Kuwabara starts to open his mouth.

"It's not Usagi! I know her strength," says the man. He touches his chin in thought a moment.

"I don't get this," says Kuwabara. "Surely you of all people would want Tsukino _-san_ back home with her family, holding her fluffy toy bunnies and yelling at her kid brother."

"I'd like nothing more," says the man.

Kuwabara snorts, exasperated.

"Tell me, Kuwabara Kazuma," the man continues after a moment. "Could you look into the eyes of the woman you love and deny her anything?" he asks, locking his eyes onto Kuwabara's own.

Kuwabara stares at the man. "I don't know!" he spits. "Fuck, Chiba-from-the-future: I've never been in that kind of situation-and technically, you haven't either!" he adds, frustrated and unnerved by the question.

"An honest answer," says the man, chuckling as he rises from the couch. "All that you need to understand, Kuwabara _-san_ , is this: man to man," continues the man, "I ask that you refuse."

Kuwabara scratches his head, confused; he stares at the couch in disbelief as the man vanishes.

* * *

"I don't like this," says Ami as she, Rei, Makoto, and Minako approach Kuwabara's house.

"He can help us," says Rei.

"After all of the times we've told Kazuma _-san_ not to involve himself in our affairs," says Ami, "this is inconsistent."

"Kuwabara _-kun_ has a gift that could help us find Usagi, and for once," continues Rei, "he wouldn't be in danger."

Ami sighs, then reluctantly knocks on the door.

Kuwabara answers the door and lets the four girls inside.

* * *

"I know how difficult we've made things," finishes Makoto, "but we're really worried about Usagi." The tall girl rubs her arms, anxious under Kuwabara's gaze.

"We've done everything we can," adds Rei, pleading to Kuwabara with her eyes.

"We know how inconsistent and backwards this all sounds," continues Minako, "but you won't have to fight our enemies or anything. We just need to find our friend."

Ami calmly returns Kuwabara's gaze, but is otherwise silent.

After a moment, Kuwabara rises from a chair in the kitchen, then takes Ami's hand. "Ami _-san_ ," he says, nodding upstairs, "I need to speak with you in my office."

Ami nods and follows Kuwabara upstairs to his "office": or rather, his bedroom. The pair enter and shut the door.

Minako stares at the door in worry. "How well can we trust this guy? Really?" she asks.

"Kuwabara _-san_ was pretty serious," says Makoto.

"If he is trying to ask for _that_ ," adds Rei wryly, "we'll know in a few seconds."

* * *

"What would you have of me, Kazuma _-san_?" asks Ami.

Kuwabara fixes a stern expression on his face. "Ami _-san_ ," he says, "I want you to listen. I brought you up here, away from those three," Kuwabara continues, "because you're the level-headed thinker in your group, and you need to think clearly right now."

Ami rubs her arm.

"Okay: first question," says Kuwabara. "What are you guys searching for?"

Ami frowns a moment, then presents the two _nijizuishou_ that Kamen gave Mars earlier in the night.

"And you're trying to find others?" Kuwabara asks.

"Yes," says Ami.

"While worried about Tsukino _-san_ at the same time. This is a problem," says Kuwabara.

"We've searched for Usagi and the _nijizuishou_ at the same time," says Ami.

"Yeah," says Kuwabara, smiling as he places his hand on Ami's shoulder, "and you guys are doing a half-assed job of both."

Ami blanches slightly at Kuwabara's language.

"I know, _ojou-sama_ , I know," Kuwabara continues, "but I can't sugar-coat any of this. We're friends," he adds, "and you know this is how I talk to my friends."

"I'm in trouble, aren't I?" says Ami.

"You're not making this easy for me, you know that?" says Kuwabara. He sighs. "I won't simply tell you 'no' and send you all out on your own," he continues.

"You do refuse," says Ami.

"You don't need my help," says Kuwabara, scowling. "You need my advice."

"Your advice will be helpful," says Ami, steeling herself for a lecture.

Kuwabara furrows his brow, thinking. Ami touches her chin, watching Kuwabara carefully.

Kuwabara snaps his fingers. "I've got the perfect story," he says, grinning.

"Which will illustrate what you're trying to tell me," says Ami.

Kuwabara nods. "I went to Genkai's temple to fix my problems with freezing up whenever a ghost sneezed near me," he begins.

Ami smiles as she watches Kuwabara become animated, the boy retelling his adventure at Genkai's tournament.

"...and I bet you're wondering why I even bothered to participate in the fucking tournament if all I wanted was for Genkai to fix me," says Kuwabara, looking into Ami's eyes.

Ami nods.

"Urameshi was there," says Kuwabara simply.

"Even now, I don't understand your vitriolic relationship with that fellow," says Ami.

"Shooting star!" answers Kuwabara, clapping and motioning his hands in one fluid movement. "I saw Urameshi as a rival, a challenge..."

Ami chuckles gently as Kuwabara relates his history with Yusuke, the girl thinking of her classmate Umino's one-sided rivalry with not only her, but her friend Urawa Ryo.

"And the fucker beat me one hundred fifty-six fucking times! And you know what I did each time?" Kuwabara continues. "I just kept getting back up to try again."

"That's the way you are, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami.

Kuwabara nods. "And when I chase after something stronger than me," he says, "fight someone stronger...I gain strength, and occasionally I get a bit smarter, too."

Ami nods, understanding.

"And that leads me to the end of the tournament. I was on the ground," says Kuwabara soberly, "with every fucking bone in my body broken, some busted organs...you want to be a doctor, right?" continues Kuwabara. "You can see in your mind what my body must have looked like inside."

Ami trembles.

"I was in pain, and probably dying. But you know what?" Kuwabara continues, grinning. "When that bastard Nephrite was beating the shit out of me," he adds, "it didn't hurt nearly as much-and I knew from the start he was much stronger than fucking Rando. Hell, he was probably still stronger than Urameshi is now."

"Yet you tried to fight him anyway," says Ami.

"Because you were in danger; just like you went with your enemy to his turf to protect Naru _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, "even though you knew he could take you out in a straight-up fight."

"Nephrite didn't know what you could figure out just by looking at me," says Ami. "My plan was to take him by surprise."

"And that wouldn't have meant shit if he had decided to kill you before you could change, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara. "He had made that point clear; 'Kuwabara: come to my well-baited trap," Kuwabara continues, doing a bad Nephrite impression, "'or the pretty little bitch will die slowly'."

"He had problems," says Ami, sighing.

"Seems like Nephrite had a conscience," says Kuwabara. "Nephrite said something that helped me fight a damn tiger _yokai_. You do understand that I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing in these fights, right?" says Kuwabara. "I pull half of my tactics out of my ass."

"Did you beat the tiger?" asks Ami.

"Yeah," spits Kuwabara, "the fucker just wouldn't die-not at my hand anyway. He was killed by his partner, then Hiei hacked that bastard to pieces so fast that Hiei had time to quote Kenshiro: 'Hn. You are already dead'."

Kuwabara and Ami make the familiar "exploding head" noise from _**Hokuto no Ken**_.

Kuwabara chuckles. "I was a bad influence on you, _ojou-sama_ ," he says, smiling gently.

"I had to watch what you and your friends were watching," says Ami. "Okubo _-kun_ winced every time."

Kuwabara and Ami laugh.

* * *

"But do you get my point yet?" asks Kuwabara.

"In general..." says Ami. "It's like the way we tend to poke fun at Usagi-sometimes a bit too much. She has been trying harder..." Ami trembles, willing herself not to cry.

"So that means you guys have to try harder," says Kuwabara.

"I can't speak for the others," says Ami, "but I honestly don't know what else can be done."

Kuwabara slaps the two _nijizuishou_ out of Ami's hands, then snatches them out of the air. "I would quit looking for these fucking rocks until I found Tsukino _-san_ ," he says. "Not just because you won't be able to think about both problems at once," Kuwabara continues, "but because Tsukino _-san_ and Sailor Moon are the same person."

"Once we do that," says Ami, rubbing the back of her hand, "how do we locate someone who has seemingly dropped off the face of the earth?"

"Hino _-san_ is far better at spiritual matters than I am," says Kuwabara. "You all know this, yet you let her drag you to my doorstep."

"What are you insinuating about Rei?" Ami demands.

"I haven't implied a damned thing," says Kuwabara. "For you to say that means that you're questioning her."

Ami scowls at Kuwabara, hurt.

"I told you that I can't sugar-coat this," Kuwabara continues.

"I know," says Ami.

"Sometimes," says Kuwabara, "in order to help your friends, you have to kick them in the teeth."

Ami stares at Kuwabara.

"Urameshi had to fight Rando," Kuwabara continues, "who-if you remember-had crumpled me like a cheap paper cup; and he was getting the shit beaten out of him."

Ami listens to Kuwabara.

"I thought Urameshi could still take Rando-hell, Urameshi came back from the dead after being hit by a fucking car!" spits Kuwabara. "But it felt like he was giving up, and that kind of pissed me off."

"So?" asks Ami.

"I'm not sure what I did," says Kuwabara. "I sort of let myself die for a second and talked shit I couldn't possibly back up. Urameshi knew what condition I was in," Kuwabara continues, "but he's not a thinker at all: he heard some jackass making fun of him, and he got pissed and gained a second wind. I went back to my body, then went out like a light."

"But he clearly defeated Rando," says Ami.

"Yeah. In fact, that shot of _reiki_ that distracted Nephrite long enough for you to save my ass?" says Kuwabara. "That was Urameshi, while he was training with Genkai. Turns out he used his weak hand to shoot that while balancing himself over spikes with his strong hand. That bastard is amazing when he gives a shit." Kuwabara chuckles.

"I see..." says Ami.

Kuwabara opens the door to his room. "So. I hope that helped you," he says, "because that's all I've got."

"Yes," says Ami. She and Kuwabara leave his room and descend the stairs.

* * *

Makoto's eyes brighten. "All right!" she says, grinning at Ami and Kuwabara. "Let's go and-*"

"We're leaving," says Ami, cutting Makoto off. "Let Kazuma _-san_ get some sleep."

"He's not coming with us?" wonders Minako.

"Kazuma _-san_ has pointed out a few fallacies in our thinking," says Ami coolly as she opens the door.

Minako and Makoto stare at Ami a moment before bowing to Kuwabara and leaving. Rei stares at the ground.

"Good night, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami. She bows and leaves.

"I...thought you'd be willing to help, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Rei slowly.

"The thing is," says Kuwabara, "I don't know your limits as well as your friends do, so I don't have the right to say what you can and can't do."

"Thank you, anyway," says Rei, bowing. "Good night." She leaves.

Kuwabara closes the door, then angrily sits on the couch, still holding the _nijizuishou_. _Shit,_ he says to himself, scowling. _Ami-san didn't even take these back._

Shizuru emerges from her bedroom, then sits at the top of the steps. "You did right, Kazu," she says, lighting a cigarette. "You're almost cute when you act a bit grown-up." Shizuru smirks at Kuwabara.

Kuwabara stares balefully at Shizuru.

"You're going to stumble a lot," Shizuru continues, "but I think you'll be a man yet."

Kuwabara snorts. "Do I really want to inflict this kind of misery back onto Shingo _-kun_?" he asks facetiously.

"Of course you do," says Shizuru in kind. "Otherwise, I'd have to kick your ass."

"Something Tsukino _-san_ is too ladylike to do," says Kuwabara. He rises from the couch, heads up the stairs, and walks past Shizuru.

Shizuru stands up, then boxes the back of Kuwabara's head. "Usagi _-san_ could stand to be less 'ladylike' with that little bra thief," she says.

"You're still mad about that?" pouts Kuwabara.

"Go to your room," Shizuru orders.

Rubbing his head, Kuwabara complies, entering his room.

Shizuru smiles. _My little Kazu's growing up,_ she muses.

* * *

Ami and Rei arrive at the steps of Hikawa Shrine.

"We'll start searching again tomorrow," says Rei. "I know we'll find-*"

Ami slaps Rei.

Rei rubs her cheek. "What the hell was that for!?" she demands.

"Get your act together, Hino _-san_ ," says Ami coldly. She leaves the steps of the shrine.

Rei, too stunned to react, stares at Ami's retreating form.

After several moments, Rei rouses herself from her stupor. "I'm not sure what's come over her," she says, "but I've had it. I'm going to bed." Rei enters the shrine and heads to her bedroom.

* * *

Ken drags Sesshoumaru outside.

"What is your purpose in this, cur?" Sesshoumaru demands.

"My hair's black. Ain't that a moon hanging in the sky?" asks Ken, pointing at a waxing cresent moon.

Sesshoumaru glances at the moon, then takes out a sword and attacks Ken.

"Good thing I brought this for insurance!" scoffs Ken, drawing out his own sword, the Tetsusaiga. "Don't tell me you're feeling nostalgic for the good old days!"

"Do not flatter yourself, low-breed," says Sesshoumaru.

"I've been waiting for an excuse to kill you," sneers Ken.

"Doubtful," says Sesshoumaru, smirking. "You don't have your woman to save you this time."

"You son of a bitch!" snarls Ken as he attacks.

Sesshoumaru parries Ken's attacks. "Better a bitch's son than a human's," he says.

"Damn you... Get over it, already!" spits Ken, pushing Sesshoumaru back with his blow.

Sesshoumaru touches his cheek, briefly notes blood on his fingers, then gives Ken a small smile. "So," he says, licking his fingers clean, "the little whelp has finally begun to cut his adult fangs."

"Should we even _bother_ to ask what's going on?" says Makoto, staring at Ken and Sesshoumaru.

"Sibling rivalry," says Rei, rolling her eyes.

Ami and Minako gawk at Sesshoumaru as he and Ken sheath their swords.

"It's not as bad as it used to be," snorts Ken. "He's still the most arrogant, stuck up person I know."

"Why are you four women in your sleeping garments?" asks Sesshoumaru, noting that Makoto, Rei, Ami, and Minako are all in pajamas.

"Rei woke us all up," says Minako, giving Rei an irritated glance.

"I couldn't sleep," sighs Rei. "Not with Usagi lost and possibly in danger. I consulted the sacred flame at Hikawa Shrine," she continues, "and it told me to seek you, Saotome Ken."

"Why me?" asks Ken.

"You're the key to the truth behind Usagi's disappearance," says Rei. "It involves someone you know."

Ken stares at Rei.

"Do you know a girl named Higurashi Kagome?" asks Rei.

"Wait a second," says Mamoru, approaching the group. "That's Usagi's younger cousin."

"Cousin!?" balks Ken. "It ain't possible!"

* * *

"I saw her, along with Shingo, Usagi's brother," Mamoru explains. "Or rather," he continues, "I saw a girl who thinks she's Kagome."

"At a shrine with an ancient well, right?" asks Ken, tense.

Mamoru nods.

"This ought to be interesting," says Ken with a crude grin on his face. "I'll be glad to snap the girl out of whatever spell she's under."

"How do you know for certain that Kagome isn't who she says she is?" asks Ami.

"It's complicated," says Ken, "but it's safe to say that Higurashi Kagome...doesn't exist. _Not anymore_ ," he adds under his breath.

Unseen, Shingo spies on the group. _That guy: he's saying what Chiba-san was saying the whole time._ he says to himself. _Could they both be right?_

The group splits up; Mamoru and Ken leave, then the four girls. Shingo follows Mamoru and Ken on his bike.

Sesshoumaru takes out a packed lunch, and prepares to eat.

* * *

Tuxedo Kamen appears inside Kagome's bedroom, where she sleeps.

"I'd never think breaking and entering was your style," scoffs Ken.

"Aren't you supposed to be a hero?" adds Shingo.

"You shouldn't have followed us," hissed Kamen, annoyed. He opens the bedroom window.

A stray breeze wakes Kagome, who notes Shingo with the strange pair. She starts to scream, but Shingo clamps his hand over her mouth.

"Shh!" orders Shingo. "It's okay; you're safe," he hisses. "We're getting you home."

"Just come with us, miss," says Kamen, handing Kagome a rose. "We'll explain everything."

Shingo removes his hand.

"What do you think this is," spits Kagome quietly, slapping away the rose, "some silly _shoujo_ anime? Am I supposed to be in awe that a couple of weirdos want to abduct me?"

"Listen, 'Kagome'," seethes Ken, "if we wanted to do that sort of thing, do you think we'd let your cousin tag along?"

"Look," says Kagome. "I'll come with you two to humor Shingo _-kun_ -again," she continues, irritated, "but we have to leave through the front door like normal human beings."

"Fair enough," says Kamen, opening the bedroom door as Ken shuts the window. "After you, miss," he adds, bowing gallantly.

Kagome rolls her eyes, leaving her room with Shingo.

"She ain't Kagome," says Ken. "In fact, she smells like Usagi."

"That is Tsukino Usagi," says Kamen.

"I also smell something evil and dangerous nearby," Ken continues. "We should watch ourselves."

Kamen nods; he and Ken leave Kagome's room.

Sota, peeking into the hall from his room, trembles. "I won't let them," he hisses, clutching his crystal. "I won't let them take Kagome away."

* * *

Kagome stares at the four _senshi_. "Is there a cosplay convention I'm not aware of?" she asks.

"T-that's Usagi!" hisses Jupiter, shocked.

"She's somehow lost her memories of us...and of herself," says Mercury, scanning Kagome with her visor.

Mars takes out an _ofuda_. "Then we have to bring her back," she says, determined. "Restrain her."

"Leave her alone," growls Sota. The crystal glows, as does Sota's body. "You won't take my sister away."

A purple flame burns away Mars' _ofuda_ , before Venus and Jupiter could seize Kagome.

Kagome runs to Sota. "W-what's going on?" she demands, holding Sota close to her. "What do you people want with me!?"

Kamen tosses a rose at Sota, who narrowly dodges the sharp, weaponized flower. "Get away from her," he orders Sota.

Shingo punches Kamen in the midsection. "Don't you dare attack Sota!" he seethes. "Otherwise, I'll reveal everything."

"You don't understand!" Kamen snarls at Shingo. "Sota's the one who brainwashed your sister!"

Shingo's eyes widen. "How!?" he wonders, turning towards a glowering Sota. "Why...?"

"You're the one who took my sister away from me, Shingo!" Sota spits. "Hanazou told me so!"

"Your imaginary friend?" asks Kagome.

"He's not imaginary," says Sota. "He's a powerful priest," Sota continues, brandishing his crystal, "and he gave me this crystal to set Kagome free."

"I know we're real-life magical girls," balks Jupiter, "but even I have a hard time swallowing that one."

"That's because a malicious actor has lied to Sota," says Mercury. "That crystal has some kind of influence over his thoughts."

"Then it's time to get rid of it," says Ken as he snatches away the crystal.

Sota, still linked to the crystal, causes the gem to burn in Ken's hand. "You..." he seethes. "You helped Shingo take Kagome away from me!"

"I...took Kagome away...?" says Ken tonelessly, absently rubbing his burnt hand.

"Hanazou said so," says Sota. "He said you're a _yokai_ , and you snatched Kagome away when I was a baby."

"Kid," says Ken stonily, "you're right about one thing: I am a _yokai_."

Sota grabs the crystal. "Stay away!" he screams. A powerful wave of energy knocks Ken, Kamen, and the four _senshi_ aside.

* * *

Zoisite observes the fracas from his vantage point in the sky, invisible. _All of my enemies have gathered in one spot!_ he grins silently. _This is too sweet an opportunity to pass up._

 _Sota-chan, my little puppet,_ Zoisite continues, _you've done well. Your work is finished, though,_ he finishes, summoning a mass of flame, _so now I must cut your strings._

* * *

Ken rises to his feet, then sniffs the air. "Not today!" he snarls as he unleashes a Wind Scar towards an invisible target...

...which reveals an angry Zoisite.

"Who the hell are you!?" Zoisite demands. "And why are you standing between me and my kill?"

"I ain't all that important," says Ken, "but I've got the same question about-*"

"Hanazou?" says Sota.

"Zoisite!" cry the _senshi_ in unison.

Kamen glares at Zoisite.

"How is he in the air like that?" asks Kagome.

"I'm not sure," says Shingo, scratching his head. "Is that really a guy?"

"That's my friend Hanazou!" says Sota. "He's going to help me save Kagome from you!"

"What are you talking about!?" demands Shingo.

"Higurashi Sota," says Ken. "I knew your sister Kagome very well. And I'm telling you: that girl standing next to you isn't Kagome."

"What...? What do you mean I'm not Kagome...?" asks Kagome.

"I'm telling the truth. I was pinned to that tree near the old well over four hundred years ago by a sacred arrow," continues Ken. "Kagome pulled it out."

Kagome stares at Ken in disbelief.

"Back then," Ken continues, "my name was Inuyasha. Together, we fought an enemy named Naraku..." He trails off.

Kagome trembles, confused.

Ken snickers, then narrows the distance between himself and Kagome. "None of this makes any sense to you at all, does it!?" he snarls. "You don't remember hunting for shards of the _Shikon no Tama_ with me, do you? You don't remember our _marriage_ , do you?"

A glimmer of recognition appears in Kagome's eyes. "I...remember," she says slowly. "When I travelled to the past..."

"That's how I know you're _not_ Kagome!" counters Ken. "The events I described-what Kagome did: they haven't even happened yet! The only way you'd remember it is if I told you...Tsukino Usagi."

"Chiba _-san_ was right," gasps Shingo. "Which means, Sota," he continues, whirling on Sota, "that you stole my big sister!"

"T-that's not true!" cries Sota.

"Sota's right!" spits Kagome. "Who would steal away a clumsy, childish crybaby like Tsukino Usagi? If she were to drop off the face of the earth," Kagome continues hotly, tears streaming down her face, "no one would care!"

Mars slaps Kagome. "I know someone who would care," she seethes. "A man who loves Usagi so much, that another girl who loves him may as well not exist."

"Then shouldn't that girl be glad Usagi is gone?" says Kagome.

"No," says Mars. "She's not glad, because Usagi is her silly, kind-hearted idiot of a friend, and that other girl wants her back!"

"I don't...understand," says Kagome.

"Kagome is a child. Usagi, no matter how childishly she behaves, is not," says Mars. "That other girl, though, has been a far greater brat, believing that the man she adores would blithely transfer his affections to her with Usagi gone."

"This drama has ceased to be entertaining," says Zoisite, "and is now tiresome and dull. For that," he continues, creating another fireball, "you die."

"Hanazou," says Sota, standing in front of Kagome, "don't attack yet! You could hurt Kagome!"

Zoisite laughs at Sota. "You naive, gullible little shit!" he sneers. "Those stupidly-dressed fools were telling the truth. You're an only child because this Kagome will, when she turns eighteen, travel back in time to live in the Sengoku era."

Sota trembles.

"But even if what I said to you was true," Zoisite continues, "do you think I give a damn about any of you? Burn." Zoisite hurls several fire bolts at Kagome and Sota.

Shingo leaps in front to protect Kagome and Sota. Kagome grabs Sota and Shingo, shielding them both with her body...

...except Kamen leaps in the path of the blast, absorbing Zoisite's entire attack. His body smoldering, Kamen drops to the ground.

Zoisite laughs. "One down," he says, "and the rest of you will soon join him."

The _senshi_ adopt defensive stances in front of Kagome, Shingo, and Sota.

"Never!" Ken leaps at Zoisite, swinging the Tetsusaiga down to slice Zoisite in half...

...but the Tetsusaiga reverts to its hidden form as a rusted sword.

Zoisite knocks a startled Ken back to the ground. "Now to kill the rest of you. Good-*" Zoisite abruptly clutches an arrow embedded in his chest, and slowly pulls it out.

"Who fired that arrow?" wonders Jupiter.

"That's...what I'd like to know..." seethes an injured Zoisite.

"I did," says an apparition, the ghost of a young woman, wielding a bow; she has another arrow nocked.

"And who are you..!?" Zoisite demands.

"She's the _real_ Kagome," says Ken, grinning crudely.

"That's right," says the true Kagome. "Who told you it was alright to pick on my little brother?" She fires another arrow at Zoisite, hitting the Dark Kingdom general's arm.

"I'll kill them all, you bitch!" spits Zoisite.

"No, you won't," says Kunzite, appearing and grabbing Zoisite. "You're outnumbered, and I won't allow you your recklessness today."

"We welcome a fight!" Venus declares.

Kunzite chuckles. "Don't be foolish," he says. "Consider this a reprieve. You'll die at our hands soon enough." He vanishes with Zoisite.

Mars drops to her knees.

Mercury uses her visor and palm computer to analyze Kamen's injuries. "He's still alive...for now," she says. "He won't last long enough for hospital treatment of these burns."

"This...is my fault," says Mars.

"It's also mine," says Usagi as she breaks free from her trance. "I gave that monster an opening...and now someone else will die for it."

"Don't kick yourselves, girls," says Kagome cheerfully. "You're all still kids in middle school." She heals Kamen. "Everyone deserves a second chance."

* * *

Sota slowly approaches Kagome. "Won't you come home?" he asks.

"Sota," says Kagome curtly, "I'm not your sister."

Tears form in Sota's eyes. "But..." he begins quietly.

Kagome turns her head.

Sota, in tears, runs toward his house. Shingo follows him.

Kagome winces.

"You ought to be ashamed for telling your kid brother such a stupid lie!" spits Ken.

Kagome gives Ken a wry grin. "I see your manners haven't improved during the past four hundred years," she says.

"Figured that if we ever met again, I needed a sure-fire way for you to recognize me," says Ken with a grin.

"I'd never forget you," says Kagome.

Toshitada appears and approaches Kagome.

"Who's that handsome guy?" asks Jupiter.

Toshitada smiles briefly. "I'm of no importance," he says. "I am a mere _shinigami_ , acting as Kagome _-dono_ 's escort."

"You're not what I imagine as a _shinigami_ ," notes Venus, staring at Toshitada.

"I've learned during my short time in the afterlife," says Toshitada, "that we have many different appearances." He touches Kagome's shoulder.

"I know, Toshitada," says Kagome. "Even when I return there, I still have unfinished business here." Kagome touches Kamen's forehead, and Kamen stirs, regaining consciousness.

"What kind of business?" demands Ken. "What would cause you to lie to your own family?"

"If I try to explain it all now, it won't make any sense," says Kagome with a stern look at Ken. "Give me a few years, though, and you'll be able to figure out most of it yourself."

"Fair enough," says Ken. "I'll wait. After all," he continues, "I've got _another_ mystery to keep my mind sharp." Ken locks his eyes onto Toshitada.

Kagome gives Ken a perplexed look, while Toshitada turns his head away from Ken.

"I'd never say that guy with you isn't important," Ken adds.

Kagome stares at Toshitada.

"You're _very_ important to me...Kouma Toshitada!" Ken declares.

Kagome's eyes widen in shock as Toshitada's full name registers.

Toshitada narrows his eyes. "I fail to see how," he says.

"Oh, you know who the hell I am!" spits Ken. "I've spent over four hundred years looking for you, Toshi."

Toshitada sighs. "And I've been dead for the past four years," he states curtly. "It seems we've missed each other."

"Like that matters," says Ken. "You can't run or hide forever," he continues. "Sooner or later, you have to tell the truth."

Toshitada scowls at Ken.

"You will tell me why you ran away that day!" Ken declares. "I won't rest-and you _can't_ rest-until you do."

"Let us go, Kagome _-dono_ ," says Toshitada, ignoring Ken. He and Kagome rise into the heavens, slowly fading away.

Ken snorts. _At least I know where he is now,_ he says to himself. _I'll get the answers out of Toshi one way or another._

"What was that about?" asks Mars.

"Old business," says Ken.

* * *

Kamen rises to his feet; blinking at the _senshi_ , Ken, and Usagi. He stares at Usagi for several seconds, then draws Usagi into an embrace.

Usagi gasps, startled. "W-what are you do-!?" she starts to ask, but is interrupted by a deep kiss from Kamen.

Ken shakes his head. "If that doesn't convince the blockhead that she's not Higurashi Kagome," he scoffs, "nothing will."

"I think Usagi was convinced when the ghost of the real Kagome shot Zoisite," grins Mars.

"Yeah," says Ken. "She learned to be a good shot very quickly in my day-ow!" he shouts, dropping abruptly to the ground.

"Why'd you do that?" balks Jupiter.

"Damn it! I can't believe this thing still works!" spits Ken, clutching his old bead necklace.

Luna sniffs the necklace. "This necklace has a great deal of that woman's energy infused within it," she says.

Kamen breaks his kiss with Usagi, then pulls her close to him. "I...I had practically lost you," he hisses into Usagi's ear. "I won't let this happen again," Kamen continues.

Usagi gently nudges Kamen away, touching her lips. "I...don't understand, Kamen _-san_ ," she says. "Why...?"

Kamen takes Usagi's hands in his, locking his eyes onto hers. "I had to..." he says. "On behalf of a man who loves you: more than you realize..." Kamen releases Usagi's hands, gives her a red rose, and walks away.

Jupiter and Venus stare after Kamen, then turn toward Usagi. "That...was romantic," they sigh.

"That's true," says Usagi. She smiles briefly, her hands trembling as she fidgets with the rose.

"So what's next?" asks Jupiter eagerly.

Usagi's smile drops abruptly; her hands stop trembling. "Right now," she says, "we check on Shingo and Sota. We have to make sure that Zoisite doesn't get his meathooks back into either of them." Usagi heads to the Higurashi home.

The _senshi_ nod and follow behind Usagi.

"Hn. So that silly girl has it in her after all," muses Ken aloud as he sheathes Tetsusaiga and begins his long walk back home.

* * *

Usagi stares at Shizuru's pack of cigarettes on the coffee table.

"Smoking those won't make you any more mature, and it won't help you make any more sense of the stupidity in this world," says Shizuru.

"I have no interest in lung cancer, thank you," pouts Usagi, unnerved by Shizuru answering Usagi's unvoiced questions.

"Just remember that your friends are just as silly and confused about womanhood as you are," continues Shizuru. "Don't let them pretend otherwise."

"Ami's pretty mature," says Usagi.

"And you're as mature as anyone can hope to expect, you dumbass," says Shizuru. "We can trade kid brothers, though."

"Not a chance," counters Usagi. "I'd get stuck with American heavy metal blaring next door to my room and hair gel in the bathroom on top of the regular aggravations."

"Smart girl," says Shizuru. "I'm not so cruel that I'd fob Kazu onto you and your kind family."

"He's a nice person underneath it all, though," says Usagi. "And you're cool. Thanks for talking with me." Usagi bows to Shizuru, then leaves.

Shizuru chuckles.

* * *

Sesshoumaru studies the old well behind the Higurashi shrine.

Meanwhile, at the tree, Ken concludes his weekly talk with Sota. Shippo, a red-haired _kitsune_ , grins down at the pair.

"If you're going to have friends connected to that damn well over there," says Ken, "it may as well be people who actually _knew_ Kagome."

"But why did Kagome leave her family?" asks Sota.

Ken smiles, placing a hand on Sota's head. "Even I don't know why, Sota. There are a lot of things I never understood about her."

"She was definitely a lot smarter than you," quips Shippo.

Ken growls at Shippo. "Quiet, you! I still can't believe a runt like you _survived_ the Sengoku period."

"I am amazed that you managed to survive the period as well," says Sesshoumaru, approaching the group, "though I would have been displeased if a bastard blessed with my father's blood in his veins failed to live."

"One of these days, I'm going to rip his head off," seethes Ken.

"Who is he?" asks Sota.

"That's my older brother, unfortunately," scowls Ken. "We have different mothers, and he's still whining about it."

"Will he be my big brother, too?" asks Sota.

"As a rule, he's not too fond of humans-except as a midnight snack," says Ken.

Sota trembles.

"Don't worry about him; I won't let him hurt you," continues Ken. "I cut his arm off once."

"Really?" asks Sota.

"I'll tell you about it another day," says Ken, grinning at Sesshoumaru, who frowns, rubbing his right arm.

"I have to go home now," says Sota.

"Study hard," says Ken. "I'll see you next week."

"Okay!" grins Sota. He runs toward his house.

"You've had a flea eating at you ever since I asked you about the moon-and it wasn't Myoga," says Ken. "What is it, Sesshoumaru?"

"You may wish to ask Youko Kurama regarding that matter, little brother," says Sesshoumaru. He leaves.

Shippo groans. "Kurama's going to be at Meioh Academy's cram school for two days."

"On top of everything else, Sesshoumaru can't even be bothered to give a straight answer," says Ken. "To hell with him."

"Do you think Kurama has the answer to you staying human throughout the year?" asks Shippo.

"I guess. It's beneath my obnoxious brother to lie, after all," says Ken, annoyed. "Come on," he continues, walking away. "I know you've missed tagging along with me."

Grinning, Shippo follows after Ken.

* * *

"I still don't know why I agreed to this," says Usagi.

"You've been out of my life for too long," says Mamoru cheerfully, "and you're going to atone for that transgression by spending the weekend at my apartment."

Usagi rolls her eyes.

"That, and I just want to be a shoulder for you to lean on," says Mamoru, his expression serious.

Usagi looks into Mamoru's eyes. "Chiba _-san_ ," she asks, "what kind of person do you think I am?"

Mamoru takes a deep breath. "Usa...Tsukino _-san_ ," he says, "if you were in a fairy tale, I'd see you as a prince."

"A prince!?" fumes Usagi. "Why can't I be a princess?"

"You rescue other people," says Mamoru, picking Usagi up in a bridal carry, "with no thought about your own needs."

"And what's your role in this fairy tale? The dragon?" asks Usagi, pouting at Mamoru.

"Yes," says Mamoru. "A greedy, jealous dragon," he continues, gazing into Usagi's eyes, "guarding his priceless treasure."

Usagi blushes, trembling under Mamoru's intense gaze. "Put me down-gently," she demands.

Mamoru complies; Usagi rubs her arms.

The pair reach Mamoru's apartment.

* * *

Makoto and Minako leave Hikawa Shrine.

Rei studies Ami. "Why did you let them leave?" she asks.

"This isn't an advantage they need to know about," says Ami.

"I think the identity of Tuxedo Kamen is-*" Rei starts.

"-best left between us two. It'll be easier to keep such information from Usagi that way," says Ami.

"But why?" asks Rei.

"Usagi needs to avoid any distractions," says Ami.

"That's fine, I guess," says Rei. "It's better if she finally accepts Mamoru's love without Kamen as a factor."

"There's always Yuichirou _-kun_ ," teases Ami. "Or even Kuro-*"

"Don't even joke," Rei pouts. "Besides, you have two men with precognitive powers to choose from."

"And who would you pick for me?" asks Ami.

"Urawa _-kun_ ," says Rei with a smirk. "Kuwabara _-kun_ isn't spoken for yet."

"Both of us would lose to his friend Yukina _-san_ ," says Ami.

"You gave him your first kiss!" balks Rei.

"I was in grade school," says Ami.

"He rescued you from Nephrite," counters Rei.

"Kuwabara _-san_ nearly died doing that," says Ami, scowling. "Kuwabara _-san_ is quite reckless, and I worry about him."

"And being Kuwabara _-kun_ 's lover would only make things worse for you?" asks Rei, glaring at Ami. "I ought to take him away from you!"

"Do you want to know why Usagi wouldn't accept Mamoru _-san_ 's attentions?" asks Ami quietly.

"Because Usagi knew how I felt about Mamoru _-san_ , and didn't want to betray me," says Rei. "Quit trying to change the subject, Mizuno."

Ami stares at Rei, confounded.

"Usagi's probably in his arms by now," says Rei wryly, "making love for the first time."

"Did you glean that from the sacred flame?" asks Ami.

"Even without my spiritual power, I'm not blind. Heartbroken, maybe," Rei continues, "but not blind."

Ami touches Rei's shoulder.

"I owe you my thanks for keeping my eyes open," continues Rei. "So to return the favor to you: don't give Kuwabara _-kun_ to Yukina _-san_."

"I can't control how Kuwabara _-san_ feels about Yukina _-san_ ," says Ami.

"You're just as willfully oblivious as Usagi...was," says Rei.

Ami shakes her head.

* * *

Mamoru wakes up, gently nudging a drooling, still-asleep Usagi off his chest as he leaves the bed.

The phone rings, and Mamoru picks it up. " _Moshi-moshi_ , Chiba residence," he groans.

"Did you behave yourself with my sister, Masquerade Boy?" quips Shingo.

"Very funny, Shingo _-kun_ ," says Mamoru. "You do understand that information has to remain a secret."

"Sure I do," says Shingo. "Now why don't you answer my question?"

"The answer is between myself and your sister," Mamoru smirks. "Besides, you're too young to know the answer." He hangs up the phone, then unplugs it.

Usagi stirs, sits up in the bed, then stifles a massive yawn. "Who were you talking to?" she mumbles.

"Your brother. He can get annoying," says Mamoru.

"I've known that for most of my life," says Usagi.

"You're beautiful," says Mamoru, staring at Usagi.

Usagi studies Mamoru quizzically.

"You're my lovely _odango-atama_ ," Mamoru adds with a smirk.

"That's because I had the sense to sleep on the couch last night!" spits Usagi, throwing a pillow at Mamoru.

"You're in my bed now," says Mamoru with a devious glint in his eyes.

Usagi looks at Mamoru. "What are you planning...?" she asks.

Mamoru leaps onto the bed and crawls over Usagi, then starts to tickle her.

After about thirty seconds of tickling, Usagi giggles wildly, squirming beneath Mamoru.

"Let me make you happy," Mamoru hisses gently into Usagi's ear. "Let me make you _mine_ , Usako..."

"My name...is Usagi...!" gasps Usagi, breathless from Mamoru's tickling.

"I know," says Mamoru, smiling down at Usagi. "Be mine."

"I can't," says Usagi. "What you want..." she adds, blushing, "...isn't something I can practice."

"We don't need to practice," says Mamoru, looking into Usagi's eyes.

Usagi returns Mamoru's gaze. "I still don't like you very much," she says.

"I won't hold that against you," says Mamoru.

"Thank you...Mamoru _-san_ ," says Usagi. She and Mamoru kiss.


	16. Elixir 9

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **9**_ : If they survive, they will learn from these early missteps and grow into their power.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

"You're leaving school, Xiao?" wonders Usagi.

Xiao nods. "There's a family emergency...which requires my presence," she says.

"What kind of emergency?" asks Usagi.

"I will move to New York to be with... _oniisan_ ," Xiao continued, blushing slightly. She absently rubs her belly.

"Are you hungry?" asks Usagi.

"...no," says Xiao, shaking her head.

"Let her be, Usagi," says Ami. "Good luck in New York."

"Thank you," says Xiao. She walks away.

"I can't believe it. It'll be Xiao's last day," says Usagi. "I think something's up."

Naru sips from a carton of strawberry milk. "I think she's pregnant," she says.

Usagi stares at Naru.

"Her family's keeping quiet about it, of course," continued Naru, "and her brother's probably flying with her to America to take care of her with some relatives there."

"Who do you think got her pregnant?" asks Usagi.

"We ought to avoid unfounded speculation," says Ami. "One way or another, let the matter rest."

Usagi rolls her eyes, then turns back to Naru. "If Xiao is having a baby, I bet it's going to be so cute!" she squeals.

Ami leaves Usagi and Naru, heading home from the _**Crown Arcade**_.

* * *

Yusuke exits the video store, grinning deviously.

Makoto glares at a pair of delinquent males leering at her.

Yusuke approaches Makoto and the delinquents. " _Oi_ , assholes," he says. "That bitch is with me."

The delinquents look between Yusuke and Makoto, then each other; their faces turn pale. The youths walk away quickly.

"I could have defended myself," says Makoto.

"Yeah, I know," says Yusuke, "but you're in my neighborhood. I decide who gets to develop a reputation," he continued, "and I don't want to be upstaged by a tall girl with a soft, bouncy rack." He starts to grope Makoto...

...who punches him.

Yusuke rubs his jaw. "Nice punch," he smirks, then strikes Makoto in the gut.

Makoto staggers back. "You're...definitely no gentleman, Urameshi _-san_ ," she says, winded.

"Next time," says Yusuke, "judge a guy before thinking to strike him for being friendly. Some of us have no problem hitting girls who play rough."

"I wasn't playing!" spits Makoto, snatching Yusuke's bag. "What did you buy for Kuwabara _-san_ anyway?" she asks, rummaging through the bag.

Yusuke snorts. "You've got the bag," he says, "so feel free to take a peek."

Makoto pulls out a videotape, then abruptly shoves it back in. "You can't give something like this to Kuwabara _-san_!" she balks.

"Why not?" scoffs Yusuke. "The man has needs like everyone else," he continued, "and it's not as though he has enough nerve to make a serious move on Mizuno."

"He wants to approach her properly," says Makoto, "like a gentleman. I think that's reasonable."

"It's dishonest," counters Yusuke. "Because Kuwabara, being the ass he is, always tries too hard to be the paragon of virtue everyone makes him out to be," he continues, a thoughtful expression in his eyes, "I have to do stupid shit like this to keep him honest."

 _"...and that was the dumbest thing I've done to get a girl's attention, Urameshi," said Kuwabara, scowling. "Are you fucking satisfied?"_

 _"At least you got to see her panties. I would have felt her up," said Yusuke, shrugging._

 _"We were both ten," said Kuwabara dourly. "There wasn't anything for me to feel up."_

 _"Her ass!" countered Yusuke. "If you got close enough, you could have even poked her little-*"_

 _"Urameshi, you sick fuck!" seethed Kuwabara. "Most kids aren't as perverted as...you obviously were at age ten."_

 _"Didn't the girl call you a pervert anyway?" asked Yusuke._

 _"Yeah-because I gaped at her panties like a dumb ten-year old boy," said Kuwabara._

 _"I was just saying that I would have made it worth my while," grinned Yusuke. "Who was she, anyway?"_

 _"Just a girl I had a grade-school crush on," said Kuwabara, blushing._

 _"Ah...so it's like that. I'd bet she's old enough to grope properly now," said Yusuke._

 _"I don't even know what school she goes to now," said Kuwabara. "And if you continue asking me about this," he continued, "I'll be happy to send your ass back to hell."_

 _"How can you just assume that I didn't make it to heaven?" Yusuke pouted._

 _"I know you a bit too well, Urameshi," said Kuwabara._

 _"You self-righteous ass," snorted Yusuke. "You keep up this kind of dishonesty," he added, gripping Kuwabara's crotch, "and you'll be right in hell with me."_

 _"I'm dishonest because I have fucking self-control?" fumed Kuwabara, shoving Yusuke away._

 _"If your cock gets hard when you're just thinking about this friend of yours from grade school," said Yusuke, "then you shouldn't pretend that she can't be found."_

 _"I don't want to hear shit from a lazy bastard like you," scoffed Kuwabara, "who gives up at the slightest chance of difficulty."_

 _"So, Kuwabara: you're challenging me," Yusuke mused._

 _Kuwabara studied Yusuke._

 _"I'll make an honest pervert out of you!" Yusuke declared as Kuwabara shook his head and walked away. "No matter how stubbornly you resist me, Kuwabara," he continued, "I'll beat all of that nobility shit out of you-the way I beat all of the other shit you're full of."_

"I'm sure that Kuwabara _-san_ is perfectly capable of expressing his feelings for Ami without this sack of perverted crap," says Makoto, handing Yusuke back the bag.

"Maybe," says Yusuke, "but he dared to make me care about him, when I was perfectly content not to give a fuck, so I will make him pay. And now that your friend Mizuno is back in his life," he adds, "that means that she's going to get a dose of what it means...to have Urameshi Yusuke as a friend."

Makoto stares at Yusuke.

"I won't rest until those two get into it," Yusuke continued, "even if it means I have to hold them both at gunpoint." He points his finger at Makoto.

"Look, unless you can shoot bullets out of your fingers," says Makoto, rolling her eyes, "I don't think either of them will be intimidated."

Yusuke expels a short burst of air, exasperated. "You're closer to Mizuno than I am," he says. "Do you think she'll take care of Kuwabara on her own?"

Makoto touches her chin. "No..." she admits after a moment. "She's pretty focused on her studies...and very shy."

 _Makoto rushed into Ami's room._

 _Ami, half-naked, shuddered. "K-kazu..." she sighed, content; her cheeks rosy._

 _"Uh, Ami," said Makoto. "I...thought you had called my name... Are you alright?" she asked._

 _Ami's eyelids fluttered as she slowly stirred from her trance. "Ma...Mako-*" she began, placing a hand on her lips as her eyes widened in realization._

 _Makoto blushed as she caught the reason for Ami's embarrassed reaction. "Forgive me," she grinned bashfully._

 _Ami rose from her bed, slipping on a T-shirt. "I...it's alright. I-I'm fine," she said after collecting herself. "Please forgive me..." she continued, "for being...immodest."_

 _"Now that I think about it," said Makoto, "you obviously weren't calling my name."_

 _Ami nodded, mortified._

 _"This 'Kazuma' must be an incredible person," continued Makoto, "to draw that kind of reaction out of you."_

 _"Listen," hissed Ami, blushing. "I don't want to talk about this." She trembled, rubbing her arms. "And don't mention this to Usagi or Rei...please," Ami adds._

 _Makoto sighed. "I'll be as quiet about something this self-evident as I can," she said, "but you must let this out. You can't keep your beautiful feelings a secret like this."_

 _"I...I want to keep Kazuma-san...all to myself," said Ami. "I'm being such a selfish brat."_

 _"Then tell him how you feel," said Makoto, "even if you tell no one else. I'd bet he feels the same way."_

Yusuke nods. "That's right: both Mizuno and Kuwabara are dishonest and rock-stupid when it comes to their needs," he says.

"I just think they're waiting for the right moment," says Makoto.

"Then," says Yusuke with a lewd grin on his face, brandishing his bag, "let's create a good moment for them."

"That's what those are for...?" asks Makoto, pointing distastefully at Yusuke's bag of videotapes.

"Give those two a little inspiration," says Yusuke, shaking the bag, "and they'll make their own movie."

* * *

Kuroda, sitting on the steps to Ami's mansion, stands as Ami approaches. "We meet again, _kunoichi_ ," he smiles.

"You won't let me live that down, will you, Kuroda _-kun_?" says Ami wryly.

"I'm teasing, Mizuno _-dono_ ," says Kuroda.

"What's your reason for being here?" asks Ami.

"I simply wish to confirm that you and I are the only ones here who know the father of Fuan Yen Xiao's child," says Kuroda.

 _"Rei..." Xiao sighed as Shuu kissed her neck. She giggled and continued speaking words of pleasure in Chinese._

 _Ami stared at Xiao and Shuu in shock as the pair continued kissing. "Aren't they blood siblings?" she whispered aloud._

 _"You should be quieter, kunoichi," said Kuroda, almost inaudibly, "if you intend to spy on them."_

 _"You...must quit doing that, Kuroda-kun," hissed Ami, disturbed by Kuroda's sudden and silent appearance behind her._

 _Kuroda chuckled softly. "You are rather presumptuous," he said, "to speak in such a familiar fashion to me. I am hardly your subordinate."_

 _Ami sighed. "Shouldn't we stop them?" she asks._

 _"We could," said Kuroda, "but that would only delay the inevitable. Let them love each other in the way their hearts drive them," he mused._

 _"But-*" begind Ami._

 _"Honestly," snickered Kuroda, "who are we to stop them?"_

 _"Concerned friends," said Ami. "Besides," she continued, noting two half-empty glasses on a table, "that is clearly the result of too much rice wine."_

 _Kuroda sniffed a glass, then smiled. "A bit too much of Yamanouchi-dono's idea of rice wine, I should say," he said. "He tends to prefer stronger drink."_

 _Squaring her shoulders, Ami entered the kitchen at Shuu's restaurant and shook Shuu's shoulder. "Fuan-san," she said, quiet but firm, "you must stop."_

 _Shuu slowly pulled away from Xiao's breasts, a drunken smile on his face. "Ami-san," he says. "It's impolite to spy..."_

 _"I...didn't intend to," said Ami, averting her eyes as she blushed._

 _Xiao, also flush, breathlessly covered herself. "Ah...I had forgotten," she said to Shuu in Chinese. "Ami and I are study partners."_

 _"I had simply walked in...on something unexpected," said Ami._

 _"I'll say!" said Shuu loudly, grinning. The grin faded as he noted Kuroda at a table; the latter studied a menu with a bemused smile on his face. "Xiao," he said to Xiao in Chinese, "take Ami upstairs while I chat with Kuroda about his obnoxious habit of lurking in dark corners."_

 _Xiao smiled, escorting Ami upstairs. "Oniisan can never seem to get along with Kuroda-san," she said to Ami as they climb the stairs._

"If that's true," asks Ami coolly, "will you kill me?"

"I see no reason to do so," says Kuroda. "In this day and age, that would be foolish."

"But if this were another day and age..." begins Ami.

"You wouldn't be alive to pose such impertinent questions. Will you finally make love to Kuwabara _-kun_?" Kuroda asks.

Ami gasps, blushing.

Yamanouchi and Sasaki leap out of a clump of nearby bushes and grab Kuroda. "Quit tormenting the girl!" demands Sasaki.

"We apologize for Kuroda being an annoying shit," Yamanouchi says to Ami, bowing.

Kuroda chuckles. "Take care, Mizuno _-dono_ ," he says as Sasaki and Yamanouchi drag him away.

Ami sighs. "Those three fellows are very strange," she says as she climbs the steps. She enters her mansion.

* * *

"Okubo," says Kuwabara, annoyed with Okubo's scowls, "if you don't want to come, you don't have to."

"I just don't understand why we always need to pay obeisance to Saitou," says Okubo.

"Saitou _-sempai_ always wants to talk, and I'm willing to talk-to make sure there are no misunderstandings," says Kuwabara.

"Fuck him," mutters Okubo.

Kuwabara sighs. "You don't like him, and he doesn't like you," he says, shrugging. "Nonetheless, we're going to once again be guests on his turf," he continues, "so let's show some respect."

The four Sarayashiki delinquents enter the abandoned warehouse.

Saitou grins at Kuwabara; he is seated on his makeshift throne. "Prompt and punctual as usual, Kazuma _-kun_ ," he says approvingly.

Kuwabara rolls his eyes.

Saitou loses his smile as he notes Sawamura, Okubo, and Kirishima, who glare at him. "I do wish you'd quit bringing your garbage into my place, though," he says.

"If I come, my friends come with me, Saitou _-sempai_ ," says Kuwabara.

"Your loyalty is commendable, if misplaced," says Saitou, rising from his throne.

Kuwabara studies Saitou as the latter walks toward a garage door.

"Come here," says Saitou, beckoning to Kuwabara. "I've got something to show you."

Kuwabara nods to Saitou. "You three stay here," he says to his gang.

"Sure," says Sawamura, shrugging.

"Fine by me," spits Okubo, surly.

"His loss if he doesn't like us," adds Kirishima, rolling his eyes. "I think those guys are playing _hanafuda_ ," he adds, walking toward a pair of high school delinquents. "Saitou, is it okay if I join in?"

"As long as you aren't a nuisance," says Saitou, "feel free."

Saitou and Kuwabara enter the garage.

* * *

Kuwabara looks over a black motorcycle, awe and delight in his eyes. " _Sugoi..._! This bike is incredible," he says.

"I'm glad you like it," says Saitou, smiling. "It's your new bike."

"Mine...?" asks Kuwabara, staring at Saitou. "Are you trying to get me in with this gang?" he continues.

Saitou shakes his head. "No...not at the moment. You've got too much shit going on with your own pack. I do want to apologize, though," he says.

"To my guys?" says Kuwabara.

"Sawamura and Kirishima are worthwhile men," says Saitou. "I still don't like them, but I misjudged them."

"What about Okubo?" asks Kuwabara. "You've been shitting on him from the first day we met, a year ago."

"Okubo is trash," says Saitou, cold.

"Explain yourself, _sempai_ ," says Kuwabara, tensing his fist.

"Those other two know their place," says Saitou. "Okubo doesn't. In a pack of wolves or a pack of men, the rules are the same," he continues.

"You're saying that Okubo isn't showing you respect," says Kuwabara. "That has to be mutual, Saitou _-sempai_."

"I have afforded the lard-ass all the respect that he's earned," scoffs Saitou. "You've seen what I've seen, and heard what I've heard, but you've chosen to overlook the fact that Okubo is worthless shit."

"Okubo is my friend," counters Kuwabara. "He's a good man. What do you have to gain from pushing him away from me?"

Saitou's eyes widen.

"This sounds like something related to whatever business you had with Sanjouin," Kuwabara continues. "I don't judge you for your taste in men, by the way."

Saitou grins, removing his hat. "Sharp, Kazuma _-kun_. You are indeed a cut above," he says.

A flurry of rose petals appears; Hanataro emerges from the petals, presenting Kuwabara with a pink rose.

"What the fuck would I want with that?" snorts Kuwabara.

Hanataro smiles. "You could use it to charm a young lover," he says, handing Kuwabara the rose. "If you expect to attract anyone, Kazuma _-chan_ ," he continues, "you'll have to learn to be more elegant."

"Do I look like I am remotely 'elegant', Hanataro _-sempai_?" pouts Kuwabara. "Anyway," he continues, narrowing his eyes, "I'm rather wary of accepting advice from someone who would lie to a child as part of a plot to kill his enemies."

"'All is fair in love and war', Kazuma _-chan_ ," says Hanataro.

"The fucker's unrepentant, isn't he?" says Kuwabara quizzically to Saitou.

"He is who he is," says Saitou, embracing Hanataro, "and it's one of the things I love about him."

Kuwabara rolls his eyes. "Yokosuka has sense and plays for both teams, so to speak," he says after a moment, "but how are your other men taking your relationship?"

"They've learned to be very flexible," says Saitou, kissing Hanataro's cheek as he releases Hanataro.

"Did it involve that decaying corpse that used to hang over the door to your office?" asks Kuwabara.

"It's a pity we had to remove it," sighs Hanataro. "While it really tied the look of this place together," he continues, "it was also starting to stink."

"I kept the skull, though," says Saitou. "That dumbass will always be an object lesson to newcomers who think they can fuck with me."

"That's not a mistake I can afford," says Kuwabara. "I'm my family's only son."

"Can't we play outside for a bit?" Hanataro asks Saitou. "I'm still burned about Kazuma _-chan_ 's lady friends and their continued interference," he continues, "and I need to work out some stress."

Saitou nods. "Let's go, Kazuma _-kun_ ," he says, opening the door to a deserted parking lot outside the warehouse. "I want to sharpen my skills too...and see what you've been up to so far."

Kuwabara slips off his uniform jacket. "I take it you two need a practice dummy," he quips as he exits the warehouse.

"Ah," sighs Hanataro. "Such a fine body for someone his age. I envy the woman who pushed him out," he continues. "If I were a woman, that would be the son I want."

"You say that," says Saitou, "but you really hate the woman he wants to push himself into."

"If that little bitch is woman enough to handle him," says Hanataro, "then and only then will I forgive her."

Saitou shakes his head. "I shouldn't have told you anything," he says.

"No," says Hanataro, "she shouldn't have spurned me. You know I hold grudges, Kunzite _-sama_ ," he continues.

"And the last thing I need is you holding a grudge against me, Zoisite," says Saitou, chuckling.

"I won't go easy on him, you know," says Hanataro, exiting the warehouse.

"He can take it," says Saitou, calling after Hanataro. He follows Hanataro out.

* * *

Several days later, Kuwabara's gang meets at Shuu's restaurant after school; Sawamura and Kirishima place an order with Okubo as Okubo dresses for work.

"I don't like this crap," spits Okubo after fifteen minutes, handing Sawamura and Kirishima plates of food.

"At least the boss isn't running behind Urameshi," says Sawamura. "That'd just be pathetic."

"Urameshi earned Kuwabara _-san's_ respect," says Okubo, joining his two friends at the table.

"By beating the shit out of him one hundred fifty-six times," snorts Kirishima. "Personally, I think the boss is just waiting for Urameshi to drop his guard."

"I think Saitou can kiss my ass," seethes Okubo.

"That's a lot of area for Saitou to kiss, Okubo," says Yusuke, standing behind Okubo's chair. "You jealous that Kuwabara's hanging out with him?"

"We have our own gang," says Okubo. "We don't need to latch onto Saitou's pack."

"Maybe not," says Kirishima, "but having Saitou's crew around makes it easier to control our own turf."

"And what does Saitou want in return for his patronage?" asks Okubo.

"Why would a top-tier man like Saitou want to control our puny four-man gang?" counters Sawamura.

"I'm sure the asshole knows about Kuwabara _-san's_ tickles," says Okubo, pouting.

"He doesn't even have those anymore," says Kirishima, "not since he started running off with Urameshi."

"Actually," says Sawamura, "it was when he went to find that spirit master guy, Genki or something."

"Genkai," says Yusuke ruefully. "She's an old bitch, but she helped Kuwabara with his tickle problem."

Ami enters the restaurant.

"I'd like to see if Saitou is as tough as he makes himself out to be," says Okubo. "He doesn't think much of you, Urameshi," he says to Yusuke.

"What shit did he have to say about me?" asks Yusuke, filching a dumpling from Sawamura's plate.

"You ass! I paid for that!" spits Sawamura.

"Should have bought more," scoffs Yusuke.

Okubo sighs. "Saitou says that you're strong, but there's nothing else to you," he says to Yusuke. "I wouldn't mind seeing you prove him wrong."

"You want me to fight Saitou?" asks Yusuke.

"Yeah," grins Okubo. "I guess I am asking you-because Kuwabara _-san_ sure as hell won't."

"I'm definitely looking forward to this challenge," grins Yusuke. "I want to see this Saitou bastard for myself," he continues, "because I'm sick of hearing about him from Kuwabara."

"And I'm sick of seeing the bastard and his girlish boyfriend," says Okubo balefully.

Yusuke's eyes widen. "Does his boyfriend have nice tits?" he asks.

"Minamibara's flat as a board," says Sawamura flatly. "No freaky newhalf bullshit."

"That's...boring," sighs Yusuke, thinking about a transgendered _yokai_ he had molested while storming Tarukane's mansion with Kuwabara.

Kirishima stares at Yusuke, confused by his response. "What kind of fights have you been getting into lately!?" he balks.

Yusuke grins. "Kuwabara and I got into some scary shit," he says. "I have to hand it to your boss, though," Yusuke continues. "He really had the last two guys we fought figured out."

Sawamura, Kirishima, and Okubo stare at Yusuke. At another table, Ami trembles, unseen by the four delinquents.

"I can't go into details," says Yusuke, "but Kuwabara was able to take out the big guy in one clean hit-straight through his chest."

"Excuse me," asks Ami, approaching the group.

"Oh," snorts Yusuke. "Mizuno."

"If you don't mind me asking, Urameshi _-kun_ ," says Ami coolly, "how difficult was it for you to fight the 'big guy'?"

"The fucker and his little long-haired shoulder monkey of a partner," says Yusuke, "were our toughest opponents. They had this sword and shield thing going where they could..." Yusuke trails off, scowling at Ami as he remembers that Kuwabara's gang was listening. "Anyway, Kuwabara saw an opening when the big guy held up his sword," he continues, leaving out the fact that the "shoulder monkey" was the sword and the shield, "and that's when we took him out. Everything was easy after that."

Ami touches her chin. "Don't you think that was too easy, though?" she asks after a moment.

"What makes you ask that, Mizuno?" wonders Yusuke, annoyed.

"Presuming that these opponents were giving you a difficult time before," says Ami, "it would be the height of tactical stupidity to do away with an advantage like that."

"Sometimes we get lucky!" spits Yusuke. "Fighting ain't always about planned encounters and strategic shit. Besides," he continues, "why would you want to dismiss your man's victory?"

Ami sighs. "My concern," she says curtly, "is that your opponents may have simply thrown the fight-faking defeat-for their own reasons."

Yusuke stares at Ami. "That's crazy!" he glowers. "We had to beat those bastards-we hit them with everything we had!"

"I understand," says Ami, returning Yusuke's glare with a much darker one, "but the reality is that not everything is as straightforward as it appears." She leaves the restaurant.

Kirishima grabs Yusuke's arm. "Don't take it to heart, Urameshi," he says. "She's just worried about Kuwabara _-san_."

"Girls don't like it when guys they care about get into scrapes," adds Sawamura.

"I have a bit more self-control than to let Mizuno's mouth provoke my fists," says Yusuke. "Still," he continues, "I need to have a little chat with her." He leaves after Ami.

* * *

"Why would your cousin have a book with an article written about the Toguro Brothers?" asks Yusuke.

"I don't know. So much about my cousin is confusing," says Ami. "But he's part of a strong martial arts and spiritualist clan."

"So you must have some of that power inside you," says Yusuke.

Ami shakes her head. "I don't have any martial arts training," she says, "and I'm still shocked to discover that Kazuma _-san_ was right about _yokai_ and ghosts existing."

"You're getting at something," says Yusuke.

"You are correct, Urameshi _-kun_ ," says Ami. "I don't want you to involve Kazuma _-san_ in your excursions."

"I don't want him either!" scoffs Yusuke. "'Kazuma _-san_ ' has involved himself in almost every Reikai-related shit case I've handled."

Ami gives Yusuke a skeptical look.

"Admittedly, the first one started by accident; Kuwabara was trying to treat his _reikan_ seizures: the 'tickles' his gang of dumbasses mutter about whenever he senses something supernatural," continues Yusuke, "but then he just decided he wanted to compete with me for some stupid reason."

"He..." Ami seethes. "I don't understand how Kazuma _-san_ could admire such a complete idiot."

"What!?" balks Yusuke. "I'm an idiot because Kuwabara made an idiotic choice to fight in a tournament he didn't understand!? The dumbass nearly got himself killed in that shit," Yusuke continues, wincing at the memory of Kuwabara's fight with a disguised Rando, "trying to fight a _yokai_ who had killed ninety-nine trained martial artists far stronger than him and damn-near killed _me_!"

"I know," says Ami.

Yusuke blinked.

"Kazuma _-san_ ," Ami continues, "sees your strength and wants to match your pace, you fool."

Yusuke shuts his eyes. "For what it's worth," he says, "it's as I said: I don't want him tagging along on my cases. There are men who are called, and men who are chosen," Yusuke continues, "but then there are men named Kuwabara Kazuma: stupid assholes who just show up unannounced to fights they have no business in."

"What about that fight against the two _hanyo_?" asks Ami.

"No, that one was legit," says Yusuke. "Those two cocksuckers were impersonating the both of us and stirring up shit throughout our neighborhood. Half of the gangs in our district got involved-it just happened to be a Reikai case."

"And the fight against those four _yokai_ patterning themselves after the _shisei-ju_ -which happened beforehand?" asks Ami, folding her arms.

"The dumbass volunteered out of some retarded sense of civic pride," snorts Yusuke, "and to be fair, the entire town was overrun with _makai-ju_ -turning people into living, kill-crazed zombies. Don't ask me how that works," he adds.

"What about you and Kazuma _-san_ storming that mansion and fighting the Toguro Brothers?" demands Ami.

"My job," says Yusuke, "was to save a _yokai_ friend of mine from killing that sorry bastard Tarukane-which would get him executed by Reikai authorities, as Tarukane is human: and _yokai_ can't kill humans. That guy was trying to protect...someone important to him. Kuwabara," continues Yusuke, snickering, "saw the someone in question: a pretty girl."

"So he joined up with you in that instance with no greater goal in mind than to rescue a literal damsel in distress," says Ami ruefully. "I'm going to throttle him."

"Don't go getting jealous because Kuwabara noticed another girl," smirks Yusuke. "You ain't exactly doing anything to keep him."

"I'm not jealous!" Ami shrieks, stamping her foot. "I'm concerned for his safety," she continues, trembling. "He's so reckless! Sometimes I just want to tie or chain him down-to keep him safe."

"I think if you tied him down to his bed," says Yusuke slyly, "and then had some fun with him, it would calm him down a bit."

"So," says Ami, a thin smile on her face, "your solution to this is for me to rape Kazuma _-san_?"

Yusuke laughs. "If anything," he chortles, "that asshole would be raping you if you didn't tie him down."

"You're projecting at best, Urameshi _-kun_ ," spits Ami. "Kazuma _-san_ is not like you at all."

"Are you going to deny that the two of you wouldn't mind sharing a room together?" asks Yusuke, grinning.

"You are so hopelessly immature!" fumes Ami.

"And you and Kuwabara are a pair of hypocrites dishonest about their bodies!" counters Yusuke.

Ami stares at Yusuke, aghast.

"I won't let you two continue bullshitting yourselves," Yusuke continues. "By next week," he hisses into Ami's ear, "Kuwabara's oversized cock will be balls-deep into your cunt-every night, if I have anything to say about it."

"Y-you're...such an odious person, Urameshi _-kun_ ," stammers Ami, blushing.

"You say that," says Yusuke, sticking his hands in his pockets, "but your wet panties and hard nipples are telling me that you can't wait. Don't worry, Mizuno," he continues, walking off. "I'll make sure Kuwabara addresses all of your needs."

Ami shivers a moment; furious, she kicks a beverage can in Yusuke's general direction...

...and Yusuke barely dodges an indigo-colored ball of _reiki_. He turns around and returns to Ami...

...who, frightened, sits on the ground in utter shock.

Yusuke stands over Ami. "Mizuno," he says, a serious expression on his face. "You might need to speak to Hino, Genkai, or that cousin of yours about that."

"I...how did I...?" wonders Ami.

"After you take care of yourself with Kuwabara," Yusuke continues, "you talk to one of them. You don't want to go through life like Kuwabara did, asking that question." He turns and walks away.

Ami rises to her feet, dusts herself off, and sighs. "I won't take any orders from Urameshi _-kun_ ," she pouts, blushing. Ami takes out her communicator and contacts Rei.

* * *

The next day, Kuwabara approaches Yusuke atop the roof of Sarayashiki Middle.

"Your gang hasn't seen you in a while, Kuwabara," says Yusuke.

Kuwabara scowls at Yusuke.

"Okubo's moaning that you're ceding too much ground to Saitou," says Yusuke. "Who the hell is this guy?"

"Saitou _-sempai..._ is a man I respect," says Kuwabara, "and Okubo has overstepped his bounds."

"This sounds interesting," muses Yusuke.

"Urameshi," says Kuwabara. "I know that Okubo has filled your head with stupid ideas, so I'm going to counter them to save your ass."

"Save _my_ ass!?" balks Yusuke.

"I'll be charitable and think that Okubo simply wants to see someone beat the shit out of you for a change," sneers Kuwabara.

"A guy like Saitou has to be all talk," scoffs Yusuke.

"Listen to me, Urameshi," says Kuwabara. "Don't fuck with Saitou _-sempai_." He leaves the school rooftop.

* * *

Ami scowls as she enters a community gym, followed by Kuroda. "Why are you following me?" she hisses, irritated. "You've never resorted to stalking me before."

"You are planning something foolhardy, _kunoichi_ ," says Kuroda. "I won't have my favorite die due to her own impulsiveness."

"I assure you, Kuroda _-kun_ ," says Ami, entering the men's locker room, "I have planned this thoroughly."

"And I shall warn you," says Kuroda as he follows her inside, "that you are underestimating your enemy's intelligence. I will come with you," he continues, "whether you wish it or not."

"One," says Ami, as she slips on the pants of a Shiba Middle boys' uniform, "I have taken steps to ensure that I have the element of surprise against my target. Two, I will corner him alone-so don't follow me." Ami binds her bust with _sarashi_ , then pulls on a T-shirt; she dons the Shiba uniform jacket and cap.

"Three, you will die," counters Kuroda, "if this fellow you seek to defeat on your own is feeling merciful or efficient."

"He won't expect me until it's too late," says Ami.

Kuroda sighs. "You are speaking to someone who actually knows what you are trying to do," he says, weary.

"Where would you obtain such experience?" asks Ami skeptically.

"I have sent men and women to perform such tasks for me during my lifetime," says Kuroda, "though I should say that was another life."

Ami stares at Kuroda a moment, then walks out of the locker room.

Kuroda pulls out his _yoroi_ bead. "I won't let you die, _kunoichi_ ," he says as he leaves after Ami.

* * *

Inside Saitou's warehouse, Ami follows Saitou onto the catwalks.

Saitou halts. "You have me at a loss," he says aloud as he twirls a police _tonfa_ , his back to Ami. "Why would you follow me?"

"Why not?" smirks Ami in a boyish affect.

Saitou sighs, turning to face Ami. "This is inelegant of you," he says to Ami, "especially as you don't know who the fuck you're trifling with."

"Yeah," snorts Ami, "but you don't know who I am, so that makes us even enough."

"You are indeed mistaken," says Saitou, suddenly pinning Ami against a guard rail.

"Tch," Ami sneers. "You don't frighten me."

"I should...Sailor Mercury," says Saitou, smirking as he touches Ami's chin.

Ami shoves Saitou, snatching away his police _tonfa_.

Saitou chuckles. "I see why the bastard wants you so much," he says, "you reckless, beautiful little fool."

Ami glares at Saitou.

"You think I'm fooled by your disguise, Mercury _-san_?" scoffs Saitou, again closing the gap between himself and Ami in a swift movement. "Or shall I call you by the name you were given at birth...Mizuno Ami?" he asks in a whisper.

Ami trembles slightly, but otherwise continues glaring at Saitou.

"I know everything about you and your cohorts," says Saitou. "Then again, even if I didn't know, _sarashi_ can only do so much to contain an exquisite rack like yours," he adds with a grin.

Ami starts to strike Saitou with the police _tonfa_ , but Saitou grips her wrist and disarms her.

"My men down there couldn't help commenting on your nice body," says Saitou, "in spite of your cautious efforts to hide it in a boys' uniform."

"You're bluffing," spits Ami. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Lie again, Mercury _-san_ ," says Saitou, a crude smile marring his handsome face, "and I'll drag you down to those fellows-they'll be happy to show you how much they like your body as they unwrap you."

"If I am who you think I am," says Ami, "then why not simply kill me?"

"The dumbasses have been very good to me," says Saitou. "Between them being my unwitting eyes and ears and my late colleague Nephrite's database of intelligence, all of the grunt work has been done for me. Why shouldn't I, as a gang leader, reward my men with a lovely treat like you?"

"Wouldn't that interfere with your efforts to seduce Kuwabara Kazuma?" asks Ami, scowling.

"Damn, you're right," grins Saitou, releasing Ami's wrist. "The aforementioned bastard who wants you in a bad way, and has likely been feeling you up by now."

Ami rubs her wrist, glaring at Saitou.

"Perhaps I should introduce myself," says Saitou, bowing to Ami in mock-courtesy. "Though I am known as Higashi Saitou, I am truly Kunzite _-ousama_ , sovereign of ice and the grand general of the Dark Kingdom."

"You're...the same as Nephrite...?" wonders Ami. "I had thought you were just working for Kunzite, but...you _are_ -*?"

"Yes: the limited intelligence you had gathered, Mercury _-san_ , is more correct than you could have imagined," sneers Saitou. "Only my genuine regard for Kazuma _-kun_ , and its associated goodwill towards anyone connected to him, stays my hand at present."

Ami transforms into Sailor Mercury.

"Surely you know that alone," says Saitou, "you are no match for me."

"You presume that I'm alone," says Mercury.

Saitou dodges a sudden attack from...

...a figure in purple and green armor modeled after a spider.

"You would do well not to dishonor my _kunoichi_ , Kunzite _-ousama_ ," says the figure.

"Who the fuck are you?" spits Saitou.

Mercury blinks in disbelief at the figure. _I...was bluffing..._ she says to herself. _Higashi-kun's-no, Kunzite's-question is a valid, if crude one._

"The few enemies of mine who have survived crossing me," says the figure, "know me as Rajura, Masho no Gen."

Kunzite chuckles, dropping his Saitou affect as he removes his hat. "If you have allied yourself with the _senshi_ , minion of Youjekai," he says to Rajura, "then you have brought upon yourself a formidable enemy."

"I welcome a challenge, if it should prove itself worthy of my talents," says Rajura with calm arrogance.

Mercury stares at Rajura, confused. _Spider...samurai?_ she wonders silently. _Why would he follow me...?_

"For now," continues Rajura, grabbing Mercury in a bridal carry, "I shall snatch this beauty from your grasp." He leaves the warehouse with Mercury in his arms.

"That," muses Kunzite aloud, "was rather unexpected." Donning his hat, Kunzite snickers, returning to character as Saitou.

* * *

"While I appreciate your concern," says Mercury, "you may set me down now, Rajura _-san_."

Rajura lands in Hikawa Shrine, then sets Mercury down. "You were warned, were you not, _kunoichi_?" he says with a chuckle.

"I'm not certain what you mean," says Mercury.

"You are correct," says Rajura. "That fellow who warned Mizuno _-dono_ that she was in danger," he continues, "sent me to protect you, as your destiny is tied to hers."

"I suppose so," says Mercury. "You have my thanks."

"It was an honor," says Rajura, bowing to Mercury. "I shall take my leave of you." Rajura leaps into the trees.

Exhausted by the night's events, Mercury sits on the steps of the temple and sighs.

Rei notes Mercury sitting outside; she pulls Mercury inside the shrine and drags the _senshi_ into her room.

"What are you doing sitting around outside!?" Rei spits.

"I apologize..." says Mercury. "I'm rather puzzled."

Rei sighs. "Return to normal," she says, "then please explain."

Mercury nods, reverting to normal.

* * *

Later that night, Yusuke arrives at Saitou's warehouse...only to note Genkai standing outside.

"What the hell are you doing here, _baa-san_?" balks Yusuke.

"Same question to you, idiot! Didn't you listen to Kuwabara?" spits Genkai.

"I never listen to that dumbass," snorts Yusuke.

Genkai scowls at Yusuke. "Normally, I'd let you just blunder into danger and learn your lesson the hard way," she says, "but in this case, you would be killed." Genkai calmly knocks Yusuke out.

Saitou exits the warehouse. "Thank you for saving his life, Genkai _-san_ ," he says, slinging Yusuke over his shoulder. "Kazuma _-kun_ admires this idiot a great deal."

"I'm simply securing my investment," says Genkai. "Don't forget the wave of _reiki_ that this piss dribble shot at your associate a few months back."

"I didn't forget," says Saitou. "I would have been mildly impressed if Urameshi _-kun_ hadn't missed the sorry bastard, whom Kazuma _-kun_ had helpfully weakened."

"To be fair, he did fire that shot with his weak hand," says Genkai as she walks away from the warehouse. "Would you do an old woman a kindness, and help me bring this brat home to his mother?"

"I have no problem with that, Genkai _-san_ ," says Saitou, following Genkai as he carries Yusuke.

About fifteen minutes later, Genkai and Saitou arrive at Yusuke's apartment.

Saitou knocks on the door. "No one's home," he says. "Surely Urameshi _-kun_ has parents."

"His mother's out and about," says Genkai, taking out a key.

"Are you actually this boy's grandmother?" asks Saitou.

"Nope," says Genkai. "That would require me to have a child. My family...is too diseased to be allowed to continue its bloodline," she continues, unlocking the door to Yusuke's apartment, "so I'm the last scion of my clan. Once I die, that's it for me and my genes."

"This disease..." muses Saitou. "Is it related to the Youjekai?" he asks as he and Genkai enter the apartment.

Genkai narrows her eyes at Saitou. "You'd think an elderly fellow like you would learn to be less impertinent," she says.

Saitou chuckles, laying Yusuke down on the couch. "I remember defending the royal palace of my imperial prince from your ancestor," he says, "the first master of the _reihadou_."

"So," asks Genkai quietly, "what happened to make you as corrupted as he was?"

"Nothing," says Saitou simply. "I and my brothers-in-arms: the other three _tennou_ , all swore fealty to Queen Beryl of the Dark Kingdom," he continues. "We renounced our place in the royal guard of Earth's imperial crown prince."

"What the hell do you want with Kuwabara?" demands Genkai.

"His potential, in our hands and under my guidance," says Saitou, "is incalculable. Believe it or not," he continues, "Kazuma _-kun_...is a god among men."

Genkai cackles. "Don't be dense," she says. "The boy is gifted, but at the end of the day, he's still a human being. Don't try to make the kid deluded like you," she continues, "or he'll just end up dead: like my execrable ancestor, like your two cohorts, and-eventually-like you and your boyfriend will be."

"You predict our demise so confidently," says Saitou.

"Those girls you're fighting are just that: young and naive girls," says Genkai. "If they survive: they will learn from these early missteps, and grow into their power. There's no excuse, however," she continues, "for your mistress' incompetence. That has already proved to be the death of two tennou, and will kill you and your surviving associate far faster than anything these senshi can do to you now."

"Your concern for me is genuine," says Saitou, astonished.

"You and your cohorts: the _shitennou_ , are strong," says Genkai. "I admire, appreciate, and respect strength," she continues, stroking Yusuke's forehead, "and know the human race would be completely worthless without men like you, Kuwabara, and this dumbass; or women like those _senshi_ you're tormenting."

"Is that so...?" asks Saitou.

"Make no mistake," says Genkai. "Those maidens are strong."

"I am not mistaken," smiles Saitou. "I recognize their courage and spirit. For that very reason," he continues, grave, "I cannot hold back when my turn comes to dispatch them."

Genkai tenses her fist.

"If you want to save the _senshi_ , Genkai _-san_ ," Saitou continues, "then find a way to keep them out of my business." Saitou teleports out of the apartment.

* * *

Yusuke stirs, then sits up on the couch.

Genkai shakes her head.

"How'd I get in here?" wonders Yusuke aloud as he looks around. He notes Genkai. "And how the fuck did you get in, _baa-san_!?"

"Do you want me to clock you again, dumbass?" smirks Genkai. "Or worse: let all of your schoolmates know that I can beat you up if you cause any trouble?"

"You're a despicable old bitch!" spits Yusuke.

"And you're a despicable brat of a bastard," counters Genkai. "No wonder your mother goes out to drink."

Scowling, Yusuke throws a punch at Genkai, who dodges.

"Even a lazy pupil like you should be able to land a clean hit on me by now," says Genkai curtly. "I'm disgusted that you won my tournament."

Yusuke's eyes widen a moment, hurt by Genkai's words; he then glares at Genkai and continues hurling punches.

"All this time," says Genkai, continuing to elude Yusuke's attacks, "I've had to damn-near kill you to get you to pretend to be motivated. Even now that you're actually trying," she continues, "you're still putting in a sorry effort."

"Why don't you shut the fuck up!?" snarls Yusuke, his fists glowing with his blue _reiki_ as he tries to land a punch on Genkai.

Genkai punches Yusuke, knocking him flat on the kitchen floor. "You can't even hit me: a slow old woman who did her damnedest to instill in you everything she knows," she snorts, "yet you honestly thought you could challenge that fellow Saitou: in reality a spiritual master of ice with godlike power? What a joke!"

Yusuke stares at Genkai as he rises to his feet.

"That man you tried to shoot at with your weak hand," Genkai continues, "when you should have focused on your training and avoided all distractions: he, too, was a godlike human being. At your pathetic level," she adds, "you would never have been able to harm him, either. It's so sad that Kuwabara: someone who has been flailing about clumsily this whole time, was actually able to injure Nephrite, or Sanjouin, as this world called him."

"Listen to me, you bitter old hag," seethes Yusuke. " _I'm_ the guy who won your fucked-up tournament, where you intended to simply give away your techniques to whoever won. If you had a conscience," he continues, "then you'd thank the gods-no matter how stupid some of them are-that I'm your successor."

Genkai blinks at Yusuke, flabbergasted.

"That's right," continues Yusuke. "I won because I'm the best candidate. Not psychotic, power-hungry bastards like Rando, and definitely not idealistic morons like Kuwabara," he adds, trembling. "Do you have any idea how cruel that asshat can be?"

"I've heard things," says Genkai coolly.

"As lazy and pathetic as I am," says Yusuke, glowering, "I'm the only one working my ass off to keep that dumb bastard on the side of the angels, so to speak."

"Kuwabara, like all of humanity," says Genkai, "is full of shit."

"I know," says Yusuke, "and so are you, _baa-san_. But unlike you," he continues, "I still care. I...I had thought that I didn't give a shit about the world-that it could go to hell and it wouldn't matter."

"But apparently," says Genkai thoughtfully, "you learned that you were wrong."

"The so-called strong people of the world," says Yusuke, "ain't any better than anybody else. If I don't accomplish any other thing while I'm living out my second chance at life," he continues, "I intend to keep other dumb bastards and bitches no better than me honest and kind."

"If a dumbass like you can manage that little bit," says Genkai, "then faith in humanity might be warranted."

"Unlike your bullshit training, _baa-san_ ," says Yusuke, "keeping people honest can be fun."

"So," grins Genkai. "Where did you hide the dirty movies for Kuwabara and Mizuno _-san_?"

Yusuke fumes at Genkai as he retrieves his bag of videotapes.

"I'd just give them booze or drug their food, myself," Genkai continues, snatching out a tape. "Those two are very stubborn."

"You're even worse than I am," snorts Yusuke.

Genkai slaps Yusuke's rear. "That's why I'm the master and you're the disciple, stupid," she says as she inserts a tape inside the VCR.

"Didn't you say that I was a sorry pupil and shit!?" scoffs Yusuke.

"And you reminded me that like it or not," says Genkai, "you're all I have to work with. Boy," she continues, pressing PLAY on the VCR, "I've spent most of my life learning to cope with disillusionment. In the end, you're just my final challenge."

"Oh?" wonders Yusuke.

"I'll make something out of you if it kills the both of us," says Genkai ruefully, "because you'll never be able to fulfill your stupid vow unless I do."

"Why do you care?" asks Yusuke.

"Because you made me give a shit, Yusuke," says Genkai, "so now you must pay the price."


	17. Elixir 10

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **10**_ : It's a hollow victory when you know your opponent threw the fight.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

Kuwabara leaves the _**Crown Arcade**_ with Ami, carrying Ami piggyback.

On Kuwabara's back, Ami gently brushes her fingers down Kuwabara's neck.

"Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, chuckling, "that tickles..."

"So, you're ticklish, too?" smiles Ami as she stops, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

"Please keep in mind that I'm carrying you," says Kuwabara as he continues walking.

Ami giggles.

"Also keep in mind," continues Kuwabara, "that I love it when you do that. In fact," he adds blithely, "I love everything about you. I love you, Ami _-san_ , but I have the hardest time simply saying it."

Ami stiffens as her laughter trails off.

Kuwabara continues rambling. "It's so difficult to make my feelings clear to you," he says, "because I love you so much that my heart might explode; it's frightening to love someone so much..." Kuwabara's words trail off as he notes Ami's hand touching his lips.

"I love you too, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami softly, trembling as she clutches Kuwabara's shoulders.

Kuwabara's eyes widen as he stops walking. He and Ami are silent a moment.

Ami strokes Kuwabara's cheek.

"So: is that how it is...?" asks Kuwabara.

"Yes," says Ami. She slides off Kuwabara's back, standing as Kuwabara turns to face her.

Kuwabara takes Ami's hands in his own. "How long has it been like this for you?" he asks.

"Since I first saw your smile, and your kind eyes," says Ami.

Kuwabara sighs as he nods. "It has been this way for me," he says, "from the day I met you, Ami _-san_."

"Then that is why," says Ami, leaning onto Kuwabara's chest, "I feel so close to you, Kazuma _-san_."

Kuwabara embraces Ami, rubbing her back. _I would die for this woman,_ he says to himself. _I would kill for her, and have no remorse._

"And that's why..." Ami continues, "you shouldn't do reckless things that make me want to choke you."

"I'll do that," says Kuwabara, "when you learn not to attempt to fight opponents well above your weight class alone."

"I'd say that you were a bad influence on me," says Ami.

"That would be dishonest of you, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara.

"About as dishonest as someone who risks his life for a young woman he doesn't know," says Ami.

"So I was supposed to let that ugly-as-fuck bastard Tarukane continue to burn Yukina _-san_ with _ofuda_ and make her cry-shaming the human race worse than it already is?" asks Kuwabara.

"You could not possibly have known that at the beginning," counters Ami. "You thought you were going to reap the standard hero's reward and you know it."

"If I wanted to hear this lecture again," snorts Kuwabara, "I could just have Urameshi bitch to me again, like he did during our trip home."

"I ought to hit you," says Ami, hugging Kuwabara tightly. "I don't want to admit that Urameshi _-kun_ said something sensible."

"Really, now?" drawls Kuwabara.

"Urameshi _-kun_ was chosen to be a Reikai detective," says Ami, "just as I was chosen to be a Sailor _senshi_." 

"That may be, my lovely anointed one," says Kuwabara, kissing Ami tenderly on her forehead, "but in the event that you and that chosen ass Urameshi fail in your respective duties," he continues, "it will be up to us great unwashed to pick up the pieces."

"I have no problem with that," says Ami. "Do you recognize," she asks, "if you are strong enough to carry our burden if we fall or stumble?"

Kuwabara sighs. "Such serious questions, Ami _-san_ ," he says. "Maybe we should head to my house for some tea."

"That would be lovely, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami. "Thank you."

Kuwabara draws Ami to his side in a friendly fashion; he and Ami walk to his house.

* * *

"I'm taking the cookies out of the oven now," says Makoto, smiling as she pulls a tray of chocolate chocolate-chip cookies out of the oven at Kuwabara's house.

"The entertainment preparations are nearly complete," grins Yusuke, wearing _ninja_ garb with a large black scarf tied comically around his face. He slips the blank RCA videotape covers over his illicit videotapes and scatters the tapes around the VCR, then puts in a tape of _**Hokuto no Ken**_ , which plays from the middle of a fight scene.

Kuwabara and Ami enter Kuwabara's house; Yusuke quickly snatches off his makeshift mask.

"Wise decision, Urameshi _-kun_ ," says Ami. "True _ninja_ would be less conspicuous."

"I'll take your word for it, Mizuno," snorts Yusuke, grinning, "as your grades are better than mine."

"Urameshi," says Kuwabara, "that's not something to brag about."

"I'm just taking a cue from you: my favorite punching dumbass," smirks Yusuke.

"What are you and Kino _-san_ doing at my house?" asks Kuwabara, sniffing the air. "I smell cookies."

"Chocolate," adds Ami.

"I figured we could watch some movies," says Yusuke, gesturing toward the television as the taped episode of _**Hokuto no Ken**_ ends.

Keiko suddenly bursts out of Shizuru's room, fuming. She seethes at Yusuke as she charges downstairs.

"What did you do to piss off Keiko _-san_ now, Urameshi?" asks Kuwabara.

"You're not studying at all!" spits Keiko, grabbing Yusuke's ear.

Yelping in pain, Yusuke stands up. "Keiko, take it easy!" he hisses.

Keiko glares at Yusuke as she releases him, then glowers down at the pile of tapes. "And you probably brought _those_ kind of movies to Kuwabara _-san_ 's house," she adds, picking up a tape at random.

"I did bring some tapes," Yusuke shrugs, "but those were already there."

Keiko ejects the _**Hokuto no Ken**_ tape, then inserts the tape she picked up. The tape...is another episode of _**Hokuto no Ken**_.

"Ah, Keiko," drawls Yusuke, hugging her from behind. "I deserve an apology for that."

"You won't get one of those from me," spits Keiko, "especially since you tried to lock me inside Kuwabara _-sempai's_ closet."

"If I hadn't," pouts Yusuke, folding his arms childishly, "I wouldn't get to have any fun at all."

"I apologize for him, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Keiko to Kuwabara, bowing. "Yusuke is going home now," she adds, grabbing Yusuke's arm and dragging him to the door.

"Hopefully, Yukimura _-san_ , you will be able to convince Urameshi _-kun_ to study harder," says Ami.

"As I've told you before, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Keiko, "this one's a hopeless cause. At this point," she continues, opening the door and shoving Yusuke outside, "I consider it a victory to bring him to school."

Kuwabara snickers.

"This one's not much better," says Ami, smiling playfully as she smacks Kuwabara's rear.

Kuwabara pouts at Ami, blushing as he rubs his rear.

"True," says Keiko, "but at least he attends school daily; I don't have to play truant officer and hunt him down."

Makoto giggles as she places the cookies on a plate, then takes the plate of cookies to the living room and sets the plate on the coffee table.

"It's nice to know my school attendance is a noteworthy point of distinction, Keiko _-san_ ," says Kuwabara wryly.

"Your grades can only improve if you study, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Keiko, "so I'm removing my friend: Yusuke, the living distraction, from your home." She leaves with Yusuke.

"I agree," says Makoto, "that there shouldn't be any distractions. I hope I wasn't a bother making myself at home," she says to Kuwabara.

Kuwabara smiles as he walks over to the coffee table, admiring the plate of cookies. "If we had guests making themselves at home baking treats for us," he grins, "I'd be all for inviting more guests, Kino _-san_."

"It's nice to see you again, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Makoto. "I have to head home now."

"Don't you want to stay and study?" asks Ami.

"No, Ami," says Makoto. "I've imposed enough on Kuwabara _-san_ 's hospitality."

"Forgive me, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Ami, thumping her head gently. "I'm so impolite."

"You are forgiven, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, smacking Ami's rear. His eyes twinkle with mischief.

Ami gasps, blushing.

"Gander and goose!" crows Kuwabara in English.

"You're so childish sometimes!" pouts Ami.

"No more than you, Ami _-san_ ," counters Kuwabara.

"I'll...take my leave now," says Makoto, smiling at the pair as she leaves.

* * *

"I find this continuing harassment quite irksome, Saotome _-kun_ ," says Kurama, frowning.

"I'm tired of these games, Minamino," spits Ken, annoyed, "and I'm tired of trailing your ancient ass. I have a simple question, and I want a straight answer."

Kurama sighs. "How I answer you," he says, "depends on the question. It would be helpful to you," Kurama continues, "if you start at the beginning." 

"How far back do you want me to go?" snorts Ken.

"I leave that to your discretion, Saotome _-kun_ ," says Kurama.

"My father was an _inuyokai_ ," says Ken, "and my mother was a human living during the Sengoku period. I'm almost 470 years old, and until a few months ago," he continues, "I was only able to appear human once a month: during a new moon."

"Hm. And how strong was your father?" asks Kurama.

"I don't know," says Ken. "I've heard for pretty much my whole life that he was powerful," he continues, "enough to be called ' _taiyokai_ of the western lands'."

Kurama strokes his chin.

"Of course," snorts Ken, "you know more about this crap than I do."

"Indeed, Inuyasha," smiles Kurama, using Ken's _yokai_ name.

"What does any of it have to do with why I'm a human all of the time?" asks Ken.

"Are you the human Saotome Ken," asks Kurama, "or are you the _yokai_ Inuyasha?"

"That's what I want to know!" growls Ken, changing to his _hanyo_ form.

Kurama chuckles.

Seeing his white hair, Ken shakes his head and reverts to human form. "I asked you for a straight answer," he seethes. "I still can't believe I'm able to do this almost at will," Ken adds, noting his black hair.

"Please bear with me, Saotome _-kun_ ," says Kurama. "It will all become clear once you answer a few more questions of mine."

Ken sighs, exasperated.

"I have learned that you yourself had taken a human wife," says Kurama. "Have you had any children together?"

"What business is it of yours?" demands Ken, glaring at Kurama.

"It will help me answer you directly," says Kurama.

"We...tried," says Ken grimly. "None of our children survived. Three died stillborn," he continues, wincing, "and one starved to death. My wife...she always blamed herself for not doing more-but what more could she have done?"

"How old were you when you mated with your wife?" asks Kurama.

"I...was about seventy-three when I married Kagome," says Ken. "She was already pregnant with my first child, and I wasn't going to have my kid hearing any shit from his retarded uncle about being 'the bastard whelp of a bastard whelp'."

"Does Sesshoumaru _-kun_ still tease you?" asks Kurama, grinning.

"It's not funny. No kid should have to put up with Sesshoumaru's verbal abuse," scowls Ken, "though I think my youngest, Kotetsu, would have just bitten him. In fact, I think he did," he continues, laughing with tears in his eyes. "My boy actually adored Sesshoumaru-he was just so hungry..."

"I see..." says Kurama.

"That human girl who hung around him all the time even offered to die to feed Kotetsu," says Ken, "but obviously, we weren't going to let the brat kill herself."

"Kotetsu needed to eat human flesh to sustain himself," says Kurama. "That tends to happen with infant _hanyo_ from powerful bloodlines," he continues, "if the father is young."

"While, like most babies, I don't remember my infancy that well," says Ken, "I don't recall hearing any stories about being fed human flesh either. Furthermore," he continues, "I would have been able to smell human blood being shed when I was a child, so I would have known if my mother had killed anyone to feed me."

"Your father was older than me," says Kurama, "though we're in the same age cohort. By the time he had mated with your mother, Izayoi _-dono_ ," he continues, "he was over six hundred years old, and capable of controlling his blood."

"But I couldn't...control my blood..." muses Ken, trembling. "The others didn't even get to draw their first breath, and Kotetsu lasted less than seven months, because I couldn't control my _yokai_ blood."

"Don't blame yourself," says Kurama. "No _yokai_ under one hundred years of age would have been able to control their blood. Kotetsu living as long as he did," he continues, "is actually remarkable."

Ken stares at the ground, morose.

"Older _yokai_ ," adds Kurama, "are able to suppress the _yoki_ in their DNA, forcing it into a recessive genotype: a controlled form of atavism where the individual markers would carry through many successive human generations until the _hanyo_ offspring is viable," he continues, "and at the point where a human would naturally die, the offspring's _yoki_ begins to express itself and in time, the _hanyo_ becomes a full-blooded _yokai_."

"'...human half would die off eventually...'" mutters Ken, recalling a memory. "Would the same apply to _hanyo_ born normally, like me and Yamanouchi?" he asks Kurama.

"Eventually," says Kurama. "Humans have shorter lifespans than we do. In your case, your human half was preserved by your _yokai_ half until you were old enough to start feeding on your human half. That process," he continues, "went on over four hundred years, and now the _yokai_ in you has simply...gobbled up all of your humanity."

"I'm not...?" wonders Ken. "Will the same happen to Yamanouchi?" he asks, concerned.

"Yamanouchi _-kun_...is a unique case," says Kurama. "While normally, Yamanouchi would indeed become a full _yokai_ ," he continues, "the special properties of the Youjekai which help to preserve human youth and vigor have allowed Yamanouchi _-kun_ 's human nature to keep pace with his _yokai_ nature. He will remain a _hanyo_ , retaining the best of both natures."

"Damn, he's a lucky bastard," says Ken.

"And why don't you feel fortunate?" asks Kurama.

Ken snickers. "Until I met Kikyo," he says, "I had always wanted to be a full _yokai_ -when I look back: it was simply so I could know where I belonged in the world. Being a _hanyo_ was hell for me," Ken continues. "Humans feared my _yokai_ half, and _yokai_ were disgusted by my human half-even my own stupid brother, who should be wise enough to know better than to question his-or rather, our-honored father's choices in mates."

"To be fair to Sesshoumaru _-kun_ ," says Kurama, "he was little more than a whelp himself when you were born."

"Ah, yes: a mere one hundred forty years old. It's obvious now," says Ken, smiling, "but I didn't have that perspective back then. Anyway, when my journey to search for the _Shikon no Tama_ ended," he continues, "I had reconciled myself to my dual nature."

"And the two natures...slowly became a single nature over time," says Kurama. "That process simply accelerated with your three stillborn children," he continues, "and neither half survived. Kotetsu would have survived..."

"...if he had received human flesh in his diet," says Ken, sad. "That's twice that Toshi was right about me."

Kurama touches his chin, curious.

"When he was twelve, he was already a noteworthy warrior," says Ken. "He had offered to simply fork over any of his kills to us to keep Kotetsu fed," he continues, "but for obvious reasons, Kagome and I refused. He even tried to get his mother's permission, but while she understood the practicality of what Toshi was proposing, she couldn't ask her husband to allow it."

"'Toshi'?" asks Kurama.

"Kouma Toshitada. His mother's family was proper, if low-caste, samurai nobility," says Ken, "but the clan as a whole was a confederation of families from the merchant caste. Those clans are still obnoxiously wealthy to this day," he continues.

"Hm," muses Kurama.

"All of Toshi's family-nuclear and extended-are still in Kyoto. Knowing Toshi's father and that character Ohtori," says Ken, a grin on his face, "that probably isn't some idle coincidence."

"You'll have to tell me more about Toshitada and his family," says Kurama.

"Except for his mother," says Ken, "Toshi's family is weird. They loved him very much," he continues, "so when Toshi ran off after a disastrous wedding, they all were worried sick."

"A disastrous wedding?" wonders Kurama.

"That's another long story, involving another stupid kid I know. Let's just say that Toshi's story...is connected to Yamanouchi Naotoki, Sasaki Kujuurou, and Kuroda Jirogorou's stories: through the Youjekai and that _yokai_ warlord, Arago."

"Arago...?" says Kurama.

"When the four of them entered the gate to Youjekai," says Ken, "that was the last time I saw Toshi alive...and he, along with those other three," he continues, "weren't themselves."

Kurama laughs. "Attempting to answer your question has been very amusing," he says, "and has given me mysteries to play with."

"Whatever," scoffs Ken. "At least you had the decency to answer my question, unlike Sesshoumaru," he adds balefully, "who insisted on sending me after you when he could have simply told me."

"Your brother couldn't bring himself to acknowledge that you were no longer a half-breed," says Kurama, "as he couldn't pretend to hate you anymore."

"'Pretend...'?" asks Ken, staring at Kurama. "Do you know how often that bastard has tried to kill me?"

"If he allowed himself to love you," says Kurama, "then how would that show his devotion to his father?"

Ken grumbles. "I'll never understand that asshole," he says, "even if I live ten thousand years." Shaking his head, Ken leaves.

Kurama sighs. "It will take more time," he says to a crescent moon, "for Sesshoumaru to forgive mankind for taking you and Rin from him. Humans," he continues, "can be cruel and wicked creatures."

* * *

Kuwabara blearily stirs from a deep sleep. _What the hell happened?_ he asks himself as he fails to stifle a wide yawn.

Kuwabara looks down to discover the reason his arms are pinned: a naked Ami holds him snugly, asleep on his bare chest.

Kuwabara blushes. _Ah. That happened. She was in my closet, in my room doing...while I was...because fucking Urameshi laid out those... And then we got..._ he continues silently, flustered. _Ami-san wore me out._

Shizuru enters the living room. "Wake up, Kazu," she says. "You and Mizuno still have to go to school."

"I know that," says Kuwabara, shaking Ami gently. "She won't like being late."

Ami languidly wakes, planting a soft kiss on Kuwabara's collarbone. "Good morning, Kazuma _-san_..." she sighs.

Kuwabara, blushing, quickly covers Ami with a blanket.

Shizuru laughs. "Neither of you have anything that I haven't seen before," she scoffs.

Kuwabara fumes. "There's no need for you to be so carefree about it!" he blusters.

Ami stands and walks toward Shizuru. "May I use your shower, Shizuru _-san_?" she asks. "I need to get ready for school."

"Upstairs," says Shizuru, "to the left. To the left!" she interjects, watching as Ami drifts tiredly to the right. "You don't want to wander in his room again, do you?"

"You're enjoying this way too much, _aneki_ ," Kuwabara mutters.

Ami enters the bathroom.

Shizuru grins at Kuwabara, ruffling his hair. "Considering that Mizuno can still walk, you somehow managed to behave yourself," she says.

"I...guess..." says Kuwabara slowly.

"And I was right about this, wasn't I?" Shizuru continues, picking up a small, soggy piece of rubber and handing it to Kuwabara. "Throw that away in the back," she adds.

Kuwabara grunts as he complies, leaving for the back porch.

Shizuru looks at some pictures on the fireplace mantle. _Somehow, those two always made a cute couple,_ she says to herself, grinning at a photo of a younger Kuwabara on horseback with Ami. _If Kazu doesn't fuck up, I'll finally get that little sister I had ordered._

Ami finishes her shower and steps out of the bathroom; she approaches Shizuru. "I...couldn't rinse out..." she says, blushing.

"You can have one of mine," says Shizuru. "If your classmates ask you anything during gym, tell them to mind their own damn business."

Ami's eyes widen in shock.

"You know that you'll have to get used to crude language in this house, Mizuno," says Shizuru. "I was basically raised by a wolf with a kind-hearted dumbass for a brother."

"Kazuma _-san_ 's not stupid," says Ami.

"Yes, he is," Shizuru sighs. "Though Kazu isn't the stupidest guy you'll ever meet," she continues, going up the stairs, "I'm not going to sugar-coat what you'll have to deal with."

"Kazuma _-san_ 's like my friend Usagi," says Ami as she walks upstairs with Shizuru. "He's not really sure what he wants to do with his life, so he won't..."

"...apply himself. It's infuriating, isn't it?" Shizuru asks.

"I suppose...I have a bit more faith in him," says Ami.

Shizuru and Ami enter Shizuru's bedroom.

* * *

Kuwabara reenters his house, tired. He tromps up the stairs, quickly showers, enters his room, and sloppily dresses for school.

"Fuck! I'm out of hair gel," he groans, tossing the empty gel container in the trash bin. "I don't even want to go to school," he continues, "but Ami _-san_ will want to, so I'll get her there." Drawing himself up in resolute determination, Kuwabara steps out of his room with his school bag.

Ami, still drowsy, steps out in her school uniform with Shizuru.

Kuwabara moves toward the two women. "Please hand me your bag, Ami _-san_ ," he says.

Ami hands Kuwabara her book satchel.

Kuwabara manages to stifle a yawn, then crouches down. "Climb on my back," he says to Ami. "I'll carry you to school."

"Why?" asks Ami, yawning.

"Because you're dead tired, and we both have tests today," says Kuwabara.

"Won't you be late?" asks Ami as she climbs onto Kuwabara's back.

"I'm expected to fail," says Kuwabara, "so it's no big deal if I'm late."

"I should bop you on the head, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami, cross.

"Forgive me, _ojou-sama_ ," Kuwabara teases as he descends the stairs with Ami on his back. "I should be more conscientious about my schooling."

"Yes, you should, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Ami, giggling.

Kuwabara, with Ami, walks to the door. "We're off!" he says to Shizuru.

* * *

Kuwabara approaches the door to Usagi's house, then knocks on it hard. " _Oi_! Tsukino _-san_!" he shouts. "Open up-it's time for school!"

Ami laughs. "Nothing can wake Usagi _-chan_ at this time of morning," she says airily, rubbing her eyes.

Shingo, bleary-eyed, opens the door. "Who the hell are you," he demands, "and what's with the racket?"

Kuwabara scowls at the boy. _I shouldn't be surprised; my hair hasn't been loose since I finished grade school, so I'm not easy to recognize without my hairstyle,_ he says to himself.

Ami moans. "Kuwabara _-san_ wants to make sure that Usagi and I get to school today," she says sleepily.

Shingo grins, then darts upstairs after filling a large cup with tap water. "I'll be happy to help," he says.

Several minutes later, an angry, drenched, and tired Usagi pushes Shingo out of her room and storms into the bathroom. "I don't wake up this early!" she stammers. "I should still be sleeping...!"

After about fifteen minutes, Usagi finishes dressing for school, her hair unbound. Grumbling, Usagi takes a pair of sticky buns off the kitchen table, astonishing Kenji.

"You're awake?" asks Kenji. "What's the occasion?"

"Ami's grade school friend woke the whole neighborhood, _otousan_ ," says Usagi.

Outside with Kuwabara and Ami, Luna rubs against Kuwabara's leg. _I'm liking this old friend of Ami's more and more,_ she muses.

Usagi steps out of her house. She and Kuwabara head toward Juuban Middle with Ami still on Kuwabara's back.

* * *

On their way to Juuban Middle; Kuwabara, Usagi, and a now-sleeping Ami stop at Hikawa Shrine just as Rei leaves.

"You're up already?" asks Kuwabara tiredly.

"I always wake up to finish my chores before going to school, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Rei, tousling Ami's hair.

"Let's go to Juuban, then, Hino _-san_ ," says Kuwabara.

"While I'm glad to see that someone managed to wake Usagi from the dead," says Rei, "I go to a different school."

"Shut up, Rei," grumbles Usagi.

Ami, sleeping, nuzzles Kuwabara's neck.

 _Ami has been naughty,_ muses Rei, smiling.

Makoto, walking towards the shrine, notes the group standing on the sidewalk. She approaches the group, looking over the teenagers. "Most of you look dead tired," Makoto says. "Ami's asleep, and Kuwabara _-san_ is being a gentleman," grins Makoto as she continues, winking at Kuwabara. "But why is Usagi _-chan_ tired?"

"Because he woke me in the dead of morning," scowls Usagi, whining peevishly. "The least he could do is carry me, too."

"This is when students are supposed to get up in the morning," counters Rei, gently thumping Usagi on the head.

"I like to be well-rested and focused for school," says Usagi, glaring at Rei.

Luna and Rei look at each other. "Who is she kidding?" they whisper.

"I'll carry you, Usagi," says Makoto, offering her back. "I also brought muffins for everyone."

Usagi's eyes brighten; she clambers onto Makoto's back. "Mako _-chan_ , I love you!" she squeals.

"We just have one more student pickup," says Kuwabara.

"Who?" asks Makoto.

"Urameshi Yusuke," says Kuwabara, a rueful grin on his face.

* * *

Keiko knocks on the door to Yusuke's apartment. "Yusuke!" she calls. "Wake up; we have to go to school!"

Yusuke, nursing a hangover, pokes his head out of a window. "I'm not going today," he scowls. "Takenaka can-*"

"The hell you aren't, Urameshi!" spits Kuwabara, kicking the door open.

The girls manage to pull Ami off Kuwabara's back, Kuwabara taking off his jacket.

"Ah; I've been looking forward to kicking someone's ass today," says Yusuke, grinning.

Keiko slaps her forehead, then helps Rei hold Ami upright.

Inside the apartment, Kuwabara charges into Yusuke's room; the two delinquents fight. Both boys strip and enter the bathroom...only to continue their fight.

Kuwabara forces Yusuke in the tub and turns on the shower; with soap in hand, he starts to bathe Yusuke.

"What the fuck are you doing, Kuwabara!?" demands Yusuke.

"If you don't hold still," spits Kuwabara, "I'm going to cram this soap up your ass!"

"You didn't get enough fun with Mizuno last night?" grins Yusuke.

Livid, Kuwabara drops the soap and punches Yusuke.

Yusuke rubs his jaw briefly. "So: you actually _can_ throw a punch when you try, Kuwabara," he says with a grin, punching Kuwabara out of the shower.

Kuwabara stands. "Finish your damn shower and get dressed, you asshole," he spits.

Ten minutes later, Yusuke finishes his shower; he enters his room to find Kuwabara using his hair gel.

Kuwabara stares at Yusuke. "You used up all of my gel last night, Urameshi; you owe me," he says as he starts to comb his hair into his familiar pompadour.

"Fuck that!" spits Yusuke, attacking Kuwabara.

Yusuke and Kuwabara fight their way out of the apartment, both boys' pompadours looking rather sloppy.

"Damn it," spits Kuwabara. "Let's just go to school, Urameshi!"

"Fine; I'm already up!" says Yusuke.

"Neither of you are going anywhere looking like that!" says Keiko, doggedly looking at the two delinquents' faces.

"What's wrong with the way we're dressed?" asks Kuwabara.

"We dress like this every morning," adds Yusuke.

"You two aren't dressed!" says Rei, embarrassed along with Keiko and Makoto.

Usagi and Ami sleep, Ami resting on Usagi's shoulder while clutching Kuwabara's jacket.

Flustered, both boys cover their privates and reenter Yusuke's apartment to dress.

* * *

The group arrives at Sarayashiki Middle.

Keiko grabs Yusuke's ear. "I'll take it from here, everyone," she says to the group. "Come on, Yusuke." Keiko takes Yusuke into the school, with Yusuke complaining all the way.

"I take it that this is normal for Yukimura _-kun_ ," says Rei.

"Yeah," says Kuwabara. "I don't usually bother the idiot," he continues as he hoists Ami onto his back, "but I had to make him suffer today."

"What did he do?" asks Rei.

"I don't really want to talk about it," says Kuwabara, blushing. "Let's just say that Urameshi can be a despicable man and leave it at that."

"Hm...Kazuma _-san_ ," sighs Ami in her sleep as she holds Kuwabara.

Makoto hides a grin as she picks up Usagi. _All they had to do was spend a bit of time alone together,_ she says to herself. _That plan of Urameshi-san's was amazing. Perverted...but amazing._

The group leaves for Juuban Middle.

* * *

Kuwabara and Makoto set Ami at her desk, Usagi already asleep at her own desk.

Kuwabara tries to free his jacket, but Ami clings to it.

"I'm...going to my class now," says Makoto.

"Thank you, Kino _-san_ ," says Kuwabara as he nudges Ami awake.

Ami wakes up, facing Kuwabara. She looks around, noting her classroom in Juuban Middle.

"I need my jacket, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara gently.

"Am I on time...?" Ami asks, yawning.

"You're early, actually, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Sakurada, smiling thinly at Kuwabara. "What I'm amazed about," she continues, poking Usagi's cheek as Usagi sleepily drools on her desk, "is that this student is here before first bell at all."

"Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami, fingering Kuwabara's jacket, "you'll be late." She reluctantly hands Kuwabara his jacket.

"Can Mizuno _-san_ rest for a bit, _sensei_?" Kuwabara asks, bowing awkwardly. "We watched some movies," he continues, blushing, "and then I roped her into staying up late playing...video games. I'm at fault."

Ami drifts off to sleep without ceremony.

Smiling, Kuwabara drapes his jacket over Ami's shoulders.

"Just go to your school, young man," says Sakurada. "What's your name?"

"Kuwabara Kazuma," says Kuwabara, "Sarayashiki Middle."

"Thank you for bringing these two to school," says Sakurada.

Kuwabara bows again, then leaves.

Sakurada touches her chin as she watches Kuwabara leave, then studies Ami. _He's not good-looking,_ she says to herself, _but that boy does have nice shoulders..._

Ami draws Kuwabara's jacket tight around herself, sighing in contented sleep.

 _It's bad enough that Mizuno has brains and beauty,_ Sakurada adds peevishly. _Does she have to have incredible luck too?_

* * *

Kuwabara collapses into his seat in class at Sarayashiki.

Takenaka touches Kuwabara's shoulder. "I'm glad that you could join us, Kuwabara _-san_. Under the circumstances," he continues, "I will excuse the fact that you're out of uniform."

"Thank you, Takenaka- _sensei_ ," Kuwabara manages to mumble, exhausted.

"Kuwabara _-san_ 's determination should be an example to us all," Takenaka says as he heads back to his desk, slapping the back of Yusuke's head on the way.

Yusuke rubs the back of his head as he scowls at a tired yet smug Kuwabara. He grins crudely, waggling his right pinky finger as he silently mouths "Mizuno".

Kuwabara glares at Yusuke, raising a middle finger.

Yusuke sneers at Kuwabara as he links his right pinky finger with his left thumb, rubbing the two digits against each other.

Sawamura, Okubo, and Kirishima stare at Kuwabara and Yusuke curiously.

Kuwabara scowls at the trio. "Don't ask," he mouths silently, weary as he wills himself to stay awake.

Keiko sighs, then faces the front of the classroom.

* * *

Inside Saitou's warehouse, Hanataro massages Saitou's shoulders while Saitou reads a file in a manila folder.

Saitou chuckles. "Damn that bastard and his efficiency," he says. "Our departed 'friend' Sanjouin," Saitou continues, "left us with almost nothing to do."

"He always did work too hard," sighs Hanataro.

"I miss him too," says Saitou, "but it couldn't be helped. You know she won't tolerate shit from anyone."

"The ass was stubborn, but he wasn't rigid like Kitakage," pouts Hanataro. "Had we not shifted our goals, we wouldn't have had to dispense with him."

"Sanjouin's arrogance and self-deceit proved to be his own undoing," says Saitou.

Hanataro narrows his eyes. "How long before either of us are on the chopping..." he asks, his words trailing off as he notes an observer. "Jou _-chan_ ," Hanataro says, noting a quiet Yokosuka. "Is there any reason why you're so intent on listening to this nonsense chat between us?"

"I...mean no disrespect, Taro _-sempai_ ," says Yokosuka. "It's just that it sounds like your real business is in some trouble."

Hanataro starts to protest, but Saitou silences him.

"This boss lady of yours," continues Yokosuka. "It seems like she doesn't know what she's doing, and she already got two of your partners killed."

Saitou laughs. "You're half-right," he says to Yokosuka. "Because our boss lady isn't the most patient person, we've lost two capable men-although the second one, that rich bastard Sanjouin Masato, brought his death on himself."

Yokosuka touches his chin, thinking of what to say.

Hanataro smiles. "Wise of you to consider your next words," he says. "I don't want you uttering inane blather about us cutting our boss lady loose."

"The group Hanataro and I run with aren't fucking around with switchblades and brass knuckles," adds Saitou, grim.

" _Sempai_ ," says Yokosuka, "if there's anything I or any of us can do to make your lives with your boss lady any easier, just let me know."

Hanataro glances at Saitou, who closes his file.

"Actually," says Saitou, "just ask Kazuma _-kun_ to come over here tonight. Alone."

Hanataro's eyes brighten; he whispers into Saitou's ears a moment.

Saitou nods at Hanataro. "Oh," he adds. "You should also try to catch up with your old schoolmate, Mizuno."

Yokosuka nods.

"You're not questioning any of this...?" wonders Hanataro.

"That's not my place, _sempai_ ," says Yokosuka. "You two might end up dragging me straight to hell," he continues, "but I've dealt with worse." Yokosuka leaves.

Hanataro stares at Saitou.

"Sending Yokosuka out was a good idea," says Saitou, "so I ran with it. If all goes well," he continues, "then we can breathe a bit easier."

* * *

At the _**Crown Arcade**_ , Ami sits across from Yokosuka and Kurama.

"Minamino _-kun_ ," says Ami to Kurama, though fixing her eyes onto Yokosuka, "I would like you to bear witness to what I'm about to say to Yokosuka _-kun_."

"As you wish, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Kurama, touching his chin.

Yokosuka blinks.

Ami sighs. "Yokosuka _-kun_ ," she says coolly. "I'm not certain why you're concerned about my extracurricular activities-as you've expressed this afternoon. However," Ami continues, "I would advise you to disregard the whole matter, as it has no bearing on your day-to-day life."

"You're basically demanding that I mind my own fucking business," says Yokosuka.

"Yes," says Ami.

"Then we're at cross-purposes, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Yokosuka. "My bosses' business," he continues, "is my business-no matter how indirectly it may relate to me."

"I still don't understand," says Ami.

"Mizuno _-san_ : anyone who poses a problem for my bosses," says Yokosuka, a hard look in his eyes, "is a problem person for me. And I," he continues, "like to solve problems."

Kurama interjects. "Surely you don't mean Higashi Saitou and Minamibara Hanataro?" he asks. "What threat could Mizuno _-san_ possibly pose to them?"

"None, really," snorts Yokosuka. "If they thought you were someone who needed to be handled," he says to Ami, "they wouldn't just send me to handle you."

Ami studies Yokosuka.

"Besides," says Yokosuka, "if they ever did send me to handle you, we sure as hell wouldn't be having a chat over sundaes."

"That sounds vaguely like a threat," says Ami, perturbed.

"No," says Yokosuka. "Just some friendly advice to a former schoolmate... And a warning."

Ami raises an eyebrow.

"Watch yourself. But, since my best guess is that you'll continue doing what you're doing," says Yokosuka, "then your wisest move is to get yourself a real boyfriend and quit fucking around with Urawa."

"I beg your pardon?" balks Ami.

"I said my piece, Mizuno _-san_. If you're going to oppose Saitou _-sempai_ and Hanataro _-sempai_ ," says Yokosuka as he stands, "then find a man who can fight at their level and keep us-their men-in check." Yokosuka leaves the _**Crown Arcade**_ with his sundae.

Ami shakes her head. "That has to be the strangest dire warning I've ever heard," she says to Kurama.

"I would say," says Kurama, "that Higashi _-kun_ has an odd way of delivering ultimatums to his opponents." He gives Ami a canny smile as he rises from his seat with his bowl of ice cream, then exits the _**Crown Arcade**_ after requesting a take-out box from Motoki.

Ami glowers at her sundae. "So inane..." she mutters. "It's obvious what those thugs Yokosuka _-kun_ works for will do next...if they're connected to my 'extracurricular activities' in any fashion." She continues eating her sundae, taking out a book to study.

* * *

"Okubo's going to bitch at me again," groans Kuwabara.

"Let him," scoffs Hanataro.

"You two are assholes," says Kuwabara to Saitou, "just so you know, Saitou _-sempai_."

"It's my honor to make a solid impression," says Saitou. "Want to be an asshole with us?"

"If you just want me to join your men from Shiba," says Kuwabara coolly, "then my condition is that my cohorts are part of the deal-including Okubo."

"As if I'd waste your potential on this street-level cock-waving nonsense," says Saitou. "Even my men know better than that."

"I have such grand potential," snorts Kuwabara, summoning his _reiken_. "You and your crew have sent monsters after those scantily-clad maidens that are more dangerous than me. I don't hit women," he continues, "even if I fucking hate them; what reason do I have to hate your opponents?"

Hanataro pouts. "Come on," he says. "I had thought you'd be a bit more enthusiastic-about picking a _nom de guerre_ if nothing else."

Kuwabara snickers. "The best one I could come up with," he grins, "is 'Pyrite'. You two and your dead colleagues took all the varieties of jade."

"That's not too bad," says Saitou. "Iron isn't to be trifled with," he continues, "even though it doesn't look like much at first glance."

"But it's 'fool's gold'," frowns Kuwabara. "Iron sulfide. The sulfur makes the iron weak, and the mineral quickly rusts when it's exposed to the elements."

"True," says Saitou. "Pyrite on its own has limited value. However," he continues, "it and true gold develop together under similar conditions, so it can be worth it to mine pyrite for the gold that can be extracted."

Kuwabara stares at Saitou.

"You aren't able to live up to your potential," continues Saitou, "by stubbornly stumbling around on your own, refusing the guidance you know that you need." In a flash, Saitou leaps from his throne and lands in front of Kuwabara, snatching away the _reiken_.

"How'd you do..." begins Kuwabara; he trails off...

...as Saitou splits the _reiken_ into a pair of perfectly-formed _reiki-no-datchi_.

Kuwabara trembles.

"I'm not even the most talented," says Saitou calmly. "There's a fellow who, with a bit of external augmentation, can perform a _reiki-no-ken_ technique that chains six of these blades together-which makes for a devastating attack. That guy," he continues, "isn't nearly as powerful as you."

"Are you...referring to a guy in green samurai armor who talks in a Kansai dialect?" wonders Kuwabara, recalling a dim childhood memory.

"Possibly," says Saitou. "There was an invasion staged by a realm called the Youjekai on your world about four years ago. You can ask Hashiba Touma or Fuan Rei Shuu about it," he adds.

"I find it hard to believe," says Kuwabara, staring at his _reiki_ in Saitou's hands in shock, "that I could be stronger than that guy."

"You are," says Saitou. "Furthermore," he continues, "there's more to you than simple strength."

"You make the cut, Kazuma _-chan_ ," says Hanataro. "You have what it takes to be a _tennou_ , a king of heaven."

Kuwabara shakes his head. "You're really scraping for dregs, gentlemen," he says. "Do you honestly expect me to believe," he continues, "that you guys see me- _me_ -as near-godlike in power and presence?"

"Just because you don't rate yourself highly," says Saitou, "doesn't mean that others don't see your worth."

"If I don't rate myself highly," Kuwabara snorts, "it's because I move about as well as a pile of shit next to a character named Hiei. Next, there's that 'old fox' you don't like, Kurama: he's someone who even Hiei doesn't fuck with. And then there's Urameshi," continues Kuwabara. "With my luck, even if I did agree to join you, those girls you're against would be smart enough to just send that bastard after me-and unlike me, Urameshi has received training from hell at the hands of a wicked bitch...who would also be happy to join in the fight." Kuwabara grins, chuckling.

Hanataro blinks.

"So," says Kuwabara, "unless you two just enjoy the thought of seeing me get the shit slashed out of me by a fire _yokai_ half my size, flogged with a rose bush by a _kitsune_ , and then punched into oblivion by a pompadour-wearing jackass and a little old woman: you'll drop this silly idea of recruiting me. It reeks of desperation on your part," he continues, "and that's beneath you."

Hanataro sighs. "Such low self-esteem is unbecoming of you," he says.

"You'd fit in well," says Saitou, "and who is to say that the old fox and those others you mention are any threat to the two of us? You'd be new," he continues, "and we'd be training you: we wouldn't expect you to fight on your own."

"Also," says Hanataro, "I'm sure you're smart enough to keep your identity a secret. You also have your men to consider."

"And," says Saitou, "you'd certainly be able to keep the women you love safe from harm: not only Yukina _-san_ , but also Mizuno _-san_."

Kuwabara rolls his eyes.

"There would be the added bonus to us of eliminating Mizuno _-san_ as an opponent," says Saitou wryly, "but it would also keep you happy. Frankly," he continues, "I don't see what you stand to lose from this."

"Gentlemen," says Kuwabara, "for what it's worth, your offer is quite tempting: more than you realize. Nonetheless," he continues, "I must refuse."

Saitou and Hanataro study Kuwabara.

"It's not for the reasons you think I'm going to give you," Kuwabara continues. "The counterarguments you've already given me are compelling," he adds, "and I have no reason to believe that your offers are false."

"If you're concerned that you'll end up like Nephrite," smirks Hanataro, "don't. You're not stupid enough to lie to yourself."

"And you certainly have sense enough to keep a low profile," adds Saitou.

"I guess," says Kuwabara, shrugging. "If it were just you guys acting independently, then you two wouldn't have wasted time and energy killing Nephrite. He would have been alive and well, draining energy from unsuspecting people and fucking Naru _-san_ 's pretty brains out-throwing the _senshi_ off-guard while you two searched for the _ginzuishou_."

Hanataro nods. "To be honest, we wouldn't have even lost Jadeite," he says. "He and Nephrite were actually a decent team."

"So now you and Saitou _-sempai_ understand my problem," says Kuwabara. "Simply put: I may not rate my own potential highly," he continues, "but I do value my life."

Saitou pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Since I won't propose conditions you can't fulfill," Kuwabara says, "then I think you guys should drop this idea."

Hanataro gives Kuwabara a thin smile, then turns to Saitou. "Kazuma _-chan_ 's too sharp," he says. "Like Jou _-chan_ , he recognizes our difficulties."

"Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou, "as you clearly respect us-that you won't ask us to do what's impossible-then at least meet us halfway."

Kuwabara gives Saitou a puzzled look.

"As you love Mizuno _-san_ ," continues Saitou as he locks his eyes onto Kuwabara's with a penetrating gaze, "this should be no difficulty for you."

Kuwabara snickers. "Don't bother to ask me that," he says. "You two already know that I intend to fulfill your request independently-however futile it may be."

Saitou grins. "Then," he says, "however it goes, feel free to come back so we can play some _hanafuda_."

"I take it you're done with me?" asks Kuwabara.

Saitou nods.

"Then I'm off," says Kuwabara. He exits the warehouse.

* * *

"This is the most productive study session I've ever had," says Ami, playing with Kuwabara's pompadour.

"I have such a determined and focused teacher," grins Kuwabara, "that I have no choice but to let a bit of knowledge penetrate this dense skull of mine."

Ami giggles as she hands Kuwabara his math textbook. "We've avoided this subject long enough, Kazuma _-san_ ," she says. "It's time to work on mathematical proofs."

"How many different ways are there to prove that two and two equal four?" snorts Kuwabara.

"If you were studying this independently," says Ami, "instead of frittering away your spare hours with disagreeable people, then you'd know that proving something so simple is unnecessary: it's an axiom, and therefore accepted as a given."

Kuwabara chuckles, opening his math textbook. "Then it's obvious to you the real reason I'm here," he says wryly, "isn't it?"

"You're not the first delinquent that those two have sent after me," says Ami, a thin smile on her face. "I do admire their persistence, but I won't be swayed: not by you, and certainly not by Yokosuka _-kun_."

Kuwabara pouts at Ami.

"Also," Ami continues, "Okubo _-kun_ saw fit to advise me of your continual contact with Higashi Saitou, whom he dislikes."

"Okubo and Saitou _-sempai_ don't like or understand each other," says Kuwabara, "nor do I ever expect them to: they each live in different worlds. In Saitou _-sempai_ 's case," he continues, touching Ami's nose, "the expression can be understood literally."

"I'm not certain if I should be glad that you recognize Higashi _-kun_ for what he is...or not," says Ami.

"I had no choice," scoffs Kuwabara. "While running around in 'Sanjouin's' mansion trying to get Naru _-san_ out of a bad situation, I saw him and Hanataro _-sempai_ feeding each other waffles in a romantic sense. My question," he continues, wearing a stern expression on his face, "is whether or not you and your friends truly realize who you are fucking with?"

"You speak as if I have any choice in the matter," says Ami curtly.

"Oh, there's an option," says Kuwabara. "It's a shit choice, but it's one you could live with; tell _koneko-sensei_ ," he continues, jerking his thumb at Luna, cat-napping in the hallway near Rei's room, "to kiss your lovely ass, then retire from this business."

Ami glares at Kuwabara. "You know I won't do that," she says.

"Saitou, Hanataro, and Sanjouin," says Kuwabara soberly. "The difference between your powers and any one of theirs-even combined with the other _senshi_ -is too great for you to surmount. And then there was one other guy," Kuwabara continues, "who Saitou _-sempai_ calls 'Kitakage Don', who had died before I got wrapped up into this thanks to Sanjouin's apparent need for my energy."

"We called him 'Jadeite', Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Rei.

"You just won't let us study alone in peace, will you, Hino _-san_?" says Kuwabara.

"I'm just keeping both of your bodies honest and well-behaved," smirks Rei.

"Such dirty thoughts from a temple priestess," says Kuwabara. "You have a very poor opinion of Ami _-san_ 's restraint."

"You're still only human, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Rei. "Both you and Ami."

"Of course," says Ami primly, "if Kazuma _-san_ continues his crude attempts to sweet-talk me into shirking my duty, I may have to hit him."

"Ideally, I'd talk the lot of you out of this shit," says Kuwabara, shutting his math textbook. "If I were in Saitou _-sempai_ 's place," he adds, "I would have already sent his pack of assholes to corner Tsukino _-san_ alone and ship her adorable ass off to serve the needs of some horny bastard in Thailand. That alone would pretty much be the end of you as a group, and I didn't even have to raise any suspicions from you."

"That sounds a bit like projective fantasy on your part, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Rei.

"A bit," admits Kuwabara. "Realistically, I'd have to isolate each of you, then take you out, one by one. Before I did any of that, though," he continues, "I'd first take out Chiba, as he'd never let any harm come to Tsukino _-san_."

Ami starts to respond, but Kuwabara places a finger on her lips.

"Please don't attempt to shit me, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara. "The fact that Tsukino _-san_ hasn't been able to prove obvious mathematical axioms with regard to Chiba and Tuxedo Kamen doesn't mean that you two haven't."

"I think we should be relieved," says Rei. "If Kuwabara _-kun_ has opted to tell us what he would do if he threw in his lot with the enemy," she continues, "then that means he's already refused their offers."

"I'm just annoyed that your best option involves having your gang and Higashi _-kun_ 's gang abusing our bodies," says Ami.

"I'm fourteen, I'm male," says Kuwabara, "and your lovely bodies in those 'uniforms' can only invite that kind of reaction from me-as I have watched my share of movies I should have avoided at my age."

"I'd just send your sister after you," says Ami.

"If I were that far gone," says Kuwabara, "then my fraternal bond with _aneki_ would be rendered null and void."

"You've thought this matter through, I see," sighs Rei.

"And I've thought about it as well, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami. "The fact is," she continues, "this is my duty and responsibility. It isn't in me to abandon or shirk my duty: however hazardous it may be."

Kuwabara sighs. "I suppose that I have the luxury of being able to refuse any absurd calls to action I receive," he says.

"You say that, but you're someone who leaps to obey the call at the slightest provocation," says Ami, giving Kuwabara an understanding smile. "I, on the other hand," she continues, "have learned that the call tends to know where you live, work, and study for high school entrance exams."

"You see, Ami _-san_?" says Kuwabara, drawing Ami into an eager, friendly hug. "See what comes of too much studying? Had you been playing video games at the _**Crown Arcade**_ , no _youma_ would have been harassing you that day." Kuwabara trembles as he continues to hold Ami, not letting her go.

"I'll do as you clearly want to ask, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami gently, leaning into Kuwabara's chest, "if you can keep yourself from blindly following Urameshi _-kun_ into every fatal adventure."

Rei laughs. "You ask the impossible," she says.

Kuwabara stops trembling, looking into Ami's eyes. "Are you serious, Ami _-san_...?" he asks.

In response, Ami kisses Kuwabara.

Rei stares at Ami and Kuwabara as they kiss. After stretching from her nap, Luna enters Rei's room.

Ami breaks the kiss.

Kuwabara, still in awe, gathers his books and puts them in his satchel, then rises to his feet. Squaring his shoulders, Kuwabara exits Rei's room.

Ami takes out her communicator and her transformation pen, handing it to Rei.

"W-wait! Y-you can't do this!" Rei sputters, shocked.

"I just did," says Ami.

"But...what are you doing?" wonders Luna.

"I am tendering my resignation," says Ami crisply, "effective immediately."

"Listen," says Rei, her eyes smoldering with hurt and betrayal. "I know that Kuwabara _-kun_ means a lot to you," she continues, struggling to keep calm, "but we're fighting assholes like Kunzite and Zoisite in part to protect him!"

"So?" asks Ami.

"If you quit," says Rei, "then those two bastards have won! They got exactly what they wanted."

"That is nothing to me," says Ami. "Kazuma _-san_ is everything to me."

"Ami...you have been chosen," says Luna.

"And I have elected-in order to save Kazuma _-san_ from his path of self-destruction-to reject that choice in favor of my own," says Ami. She packs her books, stands, and leaves Rei's room.

Rei tenses her fists. "This isn't their fault," she mutters, "not Ami's or Kuwabara _-kun_ 's. I won't blame them."

"There's no point to this," says Luna sadly. "Once you choose to become a _senshi_ , there is no turning back."

"Which means that if Ami sticks to her promise and Kuwabara _-kun_ honors his," says Rei, "that we as a group are down to four. Damn Kunzite and Zoisite. Damn them both to the lowest depths of hell!" she cries, her body surrounded by an aura of fire.

* * *

Outside the shrine, Kuwabara stiffens, grabbing Ami's arm. "Hino _-san_ isn't taking your 'resignation' very well," he quips.

"She may take it however she likes," says Ami.

"There's no guarantee that Saitou _-sempai_ and Hanataro _-sempai_ will leave you alone because you unilaterally decided to quit-oof!" winces Kuwabara, rubbing his abdomen where Ami elbowed him.

"Shut up and bask in your victory, Kazuma _-san_ ," spits Ami. "You're my consolation prize, and you will act like it."

"It's a hollow victory when you know your opponent threw the fight," scoffs Kuwabara.

"I didn't throw anything," says Ami, "but I will push you into that lake of _koi_ fish if you can't learn how to accept it when you win."

"So says my lovely sore loser," says Kuwabara. "You're correct: I don't know shit about winning, and I wouldn't know what to do if I did. Will you teach me?" he asks, a twinkle in his eyes.

"Gladly," says Ami. She and Kuwabara, arm-in-arm, leave Hikawa Shrine.

* * *

Yusuke barges into Rei's room, receiving an _ofuda_ to the forehead for his trouble.

"What do you want, you sorry delinquent?" Rei seethes.

Yusuke seethes, his blue _reiki_ burning off the _ofuda_. "I don't know what your problem is, bitch," he spits. "I'm just looking for Kuwabara."

"Why would he be here?" hisses Rei.

"Because his gang of dumbasses told me that he and Mizuno came here to study," says Yusuke, "and I know that Mizuno's a friend of yours."

"You seem to understand that better," scowls Rei, "than Ami does."

"I don't know what you're getting at," snorts Yusuke, "nor do I care. I've got to find Kuwabara." He leaves Rei's room, veiled panic etched on his face.

"I think that boy senses some type of danger," says Luna.

"You can go and investigate," says Rei curtly. "I have to let everyone know what's going on."

Sighing, Luna leaves Rei's room to pursue Yusuke.


	18. Elixir 11

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **11**_ : You feel comfortable around such a friend.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

Three days pass.

Keiko knocks on the door to Kuwabara's house, standing with Yusuke.

Shizuru answers the door. "This is a first," she says. "You're searching for my stupid Kazu, aren't you?"

"He's been to school," says Keiko, "but we never see him otherwise."

"Look," spits Yusuke, "if you know where the dumbass went off to, tell me! It's important." Yusuke scowls.

"Does it have anything to do with your trip to Tarukane's mansion?" asks Shizuru.

Yusuke shrugs, annoyed, then stalks off.

"You'll be pleased to know," says Keiko nervously with a bright affect, "that Kuwabara _-san_ 's grades are improving."

"That's a good thing," says Shizuru, "but I'm sure he's being an idiot about something else. What good can come of avoiding Urameshi _-kun_?"

"I don't know," says Keiko, rubbing her arms. "Yusuke is tense about a problem, but he won't tell me what's wrong."

Ken approaches Keiko and Shizuru.

"Saotome _-san_ ," says Shizuru.

"In the flesh. Why is Kuwabara running from Urameshi?" Ken asks.

"Don't know," says Shizuru. "Kazu usually doesn't tell me shit." She reenters the house.

Ken sighs. "I'll take you home, Yukimura _-san_ ," he says, "then I'll track down Kuwabara _-san_ and see what his issue is."

Keiko blinks at Ken.

"Since I'm now able to come to school on a daily basis," Ken continues, "I'll handle my duties as class president personally going forward."

"Okay," says Keiko, nodding. She leaves with Ken.

* * *

" _Oi_!" spits Yusuke. "I don't need you sniffing me out, Saotome!"

"You reek of fear and desperation," says Ken, gripping Yusuke's shoulders. "What the hell is going on?"

"I ain't got shit to say to you!" shrieks Yusuke, trembling and frantic as he snatches himself out of Ken's grasp. "I just need to find Kuwabara and beat the fuck out of him-the stupid bastard!"

"If you're having a hard time finding him," says Ken calmly, "that's because for once, he isn't looking for you."

Yusuke stares at Ken, looking more like a bewildered child than a jaded delinquent.

"Let's think!" says Ken. "Whenever he's not running around with you," he asks, "where does Kuwabara go?"

"He pisses around with his gang," spits Yusuke, "but I already asked them: they won't talk."

Ken growls. "I need something that has Kuwabara's scent," he says.

Kurama approaches Yusuke and Ken, a folded light gray uniform jacket on his arm. "Kuwabara _-kun_ is determined not to be found," he says, handing Ken the uniform jacket, "however, he fails to recognize that even old scents have value."

Ken sniffs the jacket. "Yeah," he says, "it's about two years younger, but it's definitely him."

"Then I know where the asshole's hiding," says Yusuke, a smirk on his face. "Let's head to Garbage Island."

"Odaiba," sighs Kurama, "though if we're headed to where I think we are," he continues, then we need to head to another part of Tokyo. Tamaishi Elementary has moved."

"Doesn't matter," says Ken. "We head to Odaiba," he continues, "and then we can sniff him out from there."

* * *

Underneath the bleachers at Tamaishi Elementary; Ami, straddling Kuwabara's waist, starts to remove her uniform shirt...

...only to feel an index finger prod against her back.

"As much as I'd love to see your tits, Mizuno," says Yusuke, "I need you to move off Kuwabara so I can talk to the dumbass."

Ami trembles; she then stands, turns around, and punches Yusuke.

"I've been saving up too many punches for Kuwabara to waste them on you, you snotty bitch," spits Yusuke, flaring his _reiki_ as he rubs his jaw. "Don't try to fuck with me," he continues, readying his _rei-gan_ to fire, "if you value your life."

Kuwabara leaps up to his feet, then pulls Ami behind him. "Urameshi," he hisses, "if you intend to hurt Ami _-san_ , then you'll have to go through me. And I'm not as easy," he continues, his own _reiki_ flaring as he summons his _reiken_ , "as you think I am."

"Ah, good," says Yusuke. "You're serious. I need you serious."

"What the fuck are you talking about, Urameshi?" demands Kuwabara, confused.

Yusuke sticks his hands in his pockets, then walks off.

"If you want to protect Mizuno _-san_ this badly, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kurama, "then you'll follow Yusuke and myself to find out." He leaves with Yusuke.

Dispersing his _reiken_ , Kuwabara turns to Ami, touching her chin. "Whatever it is, Ami _-san_ ," he says to Ami, "I'll just tell Urameshi and Kurama to kiss my ass, because I have no reason to go off with them. Just head home," he continues, "and I'll come by later tonight." Kuwabara winks at Ami, then leaves Ami with Ken.

Ami giggles, blushing.

"I'll walk you home, if that's okay," says Ken.

"That's fine," says Ami.

The remaining pair of teenagers leave Tamaishi Elementary.

* * *

"This time, Kuwabara," says Yusuke, "you stuck your nose too deep into shit you shouldn't have involved yourself in, so now you're paying a price."

"Everyone I know and love," says Kuwabara tonelessly.

Yusuke nods. "There's no getting around it, Kuwabara. The bastards have you on their invite list."

Kuwabara snickers. "It's literally 'an offer you can't refuse', isn't it?" he says mirthlessly in English.

Yusuke stares at Kuwabara, confused by the string of foreign words.

"He's paraphrasing a quote from an American movie," says Kurama to Yusuke. "And you are correct, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," he adds to Kuwabara.

"Shit..." Kuwabara fumes, shutting his eyes.

Yusuke drops to his haunches, sympathy in his eyes. "Kuwabara," he says, "we've got a few days before we have to answer these assholes. Go and fuck Mizuno's brains out, then get ready."

"You can cram your advice up your ass, Urameshi," says Kuwabara, "then go back to hell where you came from." He walks away.

"That was uncalled for from Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kurama, astonished.

Yusuke shakes his head, numb and trembling. "No, the fucker's right," he says. "I don't know what Mizuno promised Kuwabara to make that dumbass promise not to volunteer himself to help me deal with Reikai bullshit," he continues, "but I basically told him that he had to break his promise to Mizuno to save her life."

Kurama touches his chin. "Mizuno _-san_ 's life will likely be in jeopardy if Kuwabara _-kun_ does break his promise," he says.

Yusuke pins Kurama to a wall. "Tell me what's going on with Mizuno!" he demands. "Nothing she's dealing with is worse than the Toguro Brothers."

"What she and her cohorts are dealing with," counters Kurama calmly as he pushes Yusuke away, "is far older and deadlier than the Toguro Brothers. Furthermore," he continues, "the five of them together are no match for it."

"Then let's kill Mizuno's enemy-whatever it is!" says Yusuke. "If Kuwabara knows that Mizuno won't have to fight this enemy," he continues, "then he won't be so agitated about the Dark Tournament."

Kurama laughs a moment...then punches Yusuke. "Yusuke, you idiot: if that were possible," he seethes, "I would have had the four of us deal with Mizuno _-san_ 's enemies when we left Tarukane's mansion."

* * *

"I'll be nearby to carry you back over to Hikawa Shrine," says Ken as he rises from his perch on the steps to Ami's mansion, "when everything goes south."

"What makes you say that, Saotome _-san_?" asks Ami.

"Urameshi wouldn't interrupt a chance to gawk at your body while you fooled around with Kuwabara, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Ken, "unless he had a compelling reason."

"And you believe Urameshi _-kun_ had compelling reason," says Ami, clutching her arm.

"I could smell his fear," says Ken, "feel the panic rolling off his body." Ken tenses as Kuwabara walks toward them. "And now I smell the same fear coming from Kuwabara," he continues, handing Ami the Tamaishi Elementary jacket. Ken leaps onto the wall, then clambers up to the roof of Ami's mansion.

Kuwabara approaches Ami, wincing.

"Kazuma _-san_...?" says Ami, taking his hands in hers.

"I..." begins Kuwabara, steeling his resolve as he struggles to look into Ami's eyes.

Ami studies Kuwabara.

"I...release you from your promise to me," says Kuwabara, pulling his hands out of Ami's own.

Ami trembles a moment, then embraces Kuwabara tightly, tears in her eyes. "Lie to me, please," she says after composing herself enough to look into Kuwabara's eyes. "Don't tell me the obvious fact that you can't honor your promise to me."

"Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, grave. "Ignoring facts isn't something you do well," he continues, "no matter how unpleasant."

"Who's threatening you?" says Ami stonily, a savage scowl on her face.

"I'm not in any immediate danger," says Kuwabara, "but I must follow Urameshi in this business to save the people I love-even though it means putting you back at the mouth of the dragon's cave."

"Don't worry about me!" spits Ami.

"Then don't worry about me, Ami _-san_!" Kuwabara shoots back. He walks away without another word.

* * *

"I don't know if we should accept her back," says Makoto, anger giving her a cold expression.

"Now that Ami understands that this is her destiny," says Rei calmly, "she won't make such a rash decision again."

Usagi stares at the floor in Rei's room.

"There's no need to be so stern and strict with her," says Minako. "Welcome back, Ami," she says cheerfully.

"What choice do I have?" says Ami tonelessly.

"I had a thought," says Usagi quietly.

The other _senshi_ study Usagi.

"What if I were to simply lend my power to Queen Beryl?" asks Usagi.

"What!?" balks Rei and Minako.

"You know," says Usagi, "throw in my lot with the Dark Kingdom."

"Why would you _do_ that, Usagi?" asks Makoto.

"If I could be with Mamoru _-san_ ," says Usagi, "the man I realized that I love with all my heart, then it would be worth it. And, as a bonus," she continues, smirking at Rei, Minako, and Makoto, "I get to see the stupid looks on all of your heartless faces."

"What the hell, Usagi!?" sputters Rei. "Ami's the one who went crazy over some guy and tried to quit on us."

"I don't blame her," says Usagi. "The only reason I got involved in any of this in the first place was to save Naru and change her mother back from her _youma_ state."

"Usagi," says Ami. "Do you honestly think Queen Beryl would return Mamoru _-san_ to us if we gave her the _ginzuishou_?"

"No," says Usagi. "I'm not as lucky as you are; you were only dealing with Kunzite."

"' _Only_ dealing with Kunzite'," says Minako in a mocking, sing-song tone.

"Kunzite would honor his word; he had no reason to renege on the deal he made with Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Usagi. "Ami was away from us, we were down one _senshi_ , and Kunzite and Kuwabara _-san_ are on good terms with each other."

"True," muses Minako. "Kunzite would have gladly accepted that outcome, and wouldn't have bothered Ami and Kuwabara _-kun_."

"As to myself," says Usagi, "knowing that Queen Beryl will never free Mamoru _-san_ from her spell-no matter what we offered to have him back-gives me the resolve to fight her."

"But how do you know she won't?" asks Ami.

"Three dead _tennou_ ," says Usagi. "That's how I know."

Rei blinks.

"That's the main reason why Kuwabara _-san_ wouldn't let himself be tempted by Kunzite's offer," says Usagi.

"You're not...sounding like yourself," says Makoto.

"It makes perfect sense...if you're someone with a Disguise Pen and you listen to Kuwabara _-san_ 's friends," grins Usagi.

 _Saitou stroked the disguised Usagi's cheek. "You look so fresh-faced," he said, a crude grin on his face._

 _"I'm only fourteen, you jerk," said Usagi in her best attempt at a male delinquent voice._

 _Saitou placed a hand on Usagi's shoulder. "Let me give you some free advice..." he drawled._

 _"What?" snorted Usagi._

 _"Learn to curse," spat Saitou as he backhanded Usagi across the room in the warehouse._

 _Usagi lay sprawled on the ground, even as Saitou quickly approached her._

 _"You see, Tsukino-san," Saitou continued, "seeing as I've lost three of my comrades due to your interference, I'm not in the mood for bullshit."_

 _"T-three...?" wondered Usagi._

 _"Jadeite, that jackass Nephrite," continued Saitou, "and Zoisite: my love."_

 _Usagi glared at Saitou._

 _"Oh?" sneered Saitou. "You don't think that I have the right to speak on the subject of love: is that it?"_

 _"I...don't know what to think," said Usagi as she struggled to sit upright._

 _"Why are you here?" demanded Saitou._

 _"I wanted to know..." said Usagi, "why you plotted to drive Ami away from us."_

 _"I didn't plot anything," said Saitou. "Everything that happened was based on my hopes," he continued, "and I didn't get everything I wanted."_

 _"That's right," said Usagi. "You wanted Kuwabara-san for some reason."_

 _"I wanted Kazuma-kun," said Saitou, "because he was, and is, very powerful. You saw a small sample of his quality for yourself when he helped you and your cohorts fight that damned truck-robot youma Nephrite sent after you when you cock-blocked the bastard." Saitou chuckled._

 _Usagi grinned in spite of the situation._

 _"Yes, I know," said Saitou, returning the friendly smile. "This is the most civil conversation we've ever had in this lifetime, Tsukino-san-or rather, Sailor Moon. To draw this reaction out of me," he continued, "in front of my great enemy: that is what truly makes men like Kazuma-kun...a cut above the rest."_

 _"'Great enemy'?" scoffed Usagi. "If I were to be brutally honest," she continued, "your toenail clippings could probably kill all five of us. And when I think about our final battle with Jadeite, the only reason we won that one is because he ran himself over with the jet aircraft he had animated to kill us."_

 _Saitou laughed._

 _"And then Nephrite," Usagi continued. "He chose to die to protect Naru from Zoisite's plant youma assassins: we didn't do anything against him."_

 _Saitou continued laughing, trembling._

 _"And then I saw Zoisite being teleported away after he lured Mamoru-san and me into that abandoned building..." said Usagi, disturbed by Saitou's continuing laughter._

 _Saitou dropped to his knees, tears streaming down his face as he continued to laugh._

 _"Is...something wrong, Kunzite...?" asked Usagi._

 _"You're so tender-hearted, Tsukino-san," sneered Saitou, choking back a strangled mix of laughter and sobs. "That, and such a naive little shit."_

 _"Help me to understand," said Usagi, noting Saitou's wretched expression._

 _"At least that sorry bastard you love...is still alive," Saitou snickered as he rose to his feet, "though he's probably serving Beryl-sama's long-deprived needs at the moment."_

 _Usagi trembled as she caught Saitou's meaning._

 _"So, yes: I don't know which of us got the shit end of the stick," Saitou continued, laughing harshly. "I suppose I should count my blessings," he added. "Death has to be a better fate for Zoisite than fucking Beryl-sama's dry old cunt."_

 _"You know," said Usagi, "you could just attack me again."_

 _"Oh, no," said Saitou. "I need to save this rage I feel...for our final battle, Sailor Moon; no: Selenity..." he continued, reverting to his true form as Kunzite; the warehouse became icy and frigid._

 _"If you feel all of this rage," said Usagi, shivering from the cold even as she looked into Kunzite's eyes, "then direct it to where it rightfully belongs: to Beryl."_

 _"You are asking the impossible of me," said Kunzite. "I cannot turn my back on her, not even for Zoisite's sake."_

 _Usagi gulped air as she continued to stare at Kunzite._

 _"However," Kunzite continued, "if you can face me again with the same courage you've shown me today, then you may just win on your own. Now," he said, "please leave the way you came in."_

 _Usagi nodded, then left._

* * *

Two days later, life returns to normal.

At the _**Crown Arcade**_ , Ami studies even as Minako continues talking.

"He really brings out a different side to you, Ami," says Minako.

"Kazuma _-san_...is a dear friend," says Ami. "You feel comfortable around such a friend."

"It's just that you let Kuwabara _-kun_ put his arm around you," says Minako. "A lot."

"I suppose you're going to state that Kazuma _-san_ is an old flame," says Ami wryly.

"One about the size of a forest fire," scoffs Minako, "with a volcano going off! The sparks firing between you two...keep me up at night," she adds, flush.

"That's...disturbing," says Ami.

"Don't act as though I'm the first person to notice this," says Minako.

Ami rolls her eyes.

"Usagi notices what's going on between you two," says Minako. "Face the facts, Mizuno: Kuwabara _-kun_ is your prince."

" _Bosozoku no oujisama_ ," says Ami, giggling. "It's a unique fantasy of Kazuma _-san_ 's," she continues, "but even he's aware that it's not a viable career option."

"You can't say there's nothing romantic about racing on a motorcycle with that absurdly-masculine fellow," says Minako. "The engine's vibration and his strong, toned arms around you as he's driving...leaning in close..."

"...with his motorcycle helmet, if Kazuma _-san_ has any sense at all," says Ami.

"Have you no sense of drama!?" Minako says in mock-indignation.

"There's nothing remotely romantic about dying in a motorcycle crash," says Ami. "Besides," she continues, "all I can think about is Kazuma _-san_ 's old drawing: he's shirtless with _sarashi_ around his waist and a bandana on his head, while I'm in a doctor's lab coat holding his arm."

"Coming to you, his lady love, for treatment and healing," coos Minako.

"He was ten when he drew that," says Ami. "He happened to know that I wanted to be a doctor."

"He must really have liked you a lot," says Minako. "Children tend to be honest with their feelings."

"...that was years ago," says Ami. "Kazuma _-san_ is interested in several girls now: I believe that Yukina _-san_ is his latest attraction," she continues, "and there was also Botan _-san_."

"That's only two," counters Minako. "'Several' denotes at least three," she adds, "so you must include yourself."

"We're friends," says Ami forcefully.

"Friends who have kissed. Several times," says Minako.

Ami's eyes widen.

"Don't deny it," continues Minako. "You gave a guy like that your first kiss," she says, "so I doubt it was your last."

"We were eleven, and I was indulging in a grade-school crush," says Ami, blushing.

"Is that how it was...?" muses Minako, watching as Kuwabara enters the _**Crown Arcade**_ with Yusuke.

As they walk past Ami and Minako's booth, Yusuke pushes Kuwabara into Minako's side of the booth.

"You bastard!" spits Kuwabara. "You just did that so you could play _**Goblin City**_!"

"Damn right!" scoffs Yusuke as he heads to the arcade machine. "Go fool around with Mizuno if you want to have some fun."

Kuwabara pouts, then turns to Ami. "Difficult to do that when he nudges me into the wrong seat, eh, Ami _-san_?" he says.

"Indeed," says Ami, smiling.

Minako stares at Kuwabara. "Is this really how you're normally dressed for school?" she asks, noting Kuwabara's open school jacket, showing a _sarashi_ wrapped around his midsection. She touches Kuwabara's curly pompadour.

"My jacket's only open because it's almost summer," he says, "and it's hot as hell outside."

"Ah..." says Minako, touching the middle of Kuwabara's collarbone.

Kuwabara studies Minako's hair. "Are you for real?" he asks.

"Yes, I am a natural blonde," says Minako. "No, I'm not a _gyaru_ ; I'm just an Anglo-Japanese girl with a father from England."

"England?" asks Kuwabara in English. "Do you prefer scones or biscuits?"

Minako gasps, astonished.

Ami smiles with pride in her eyes.

"...I like biscuits," Minako answers in English. "Scones have too chalky a texture."

"With a cup of tea?" continues Kuwabara.

"A spot of green tea is splendid," says Minako.

"I have a friend whose father is American, to answer your question," says Kuwabara in Japanese. "That man, Sawamura _-san_ , would only let us speak English at his house, ever since we were kids."

"Your English is better than my Japanese, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Minako.

"Your Japanese is fine; you just sound like you have a northern dialect," says Kuwabara.

"My mother's from Hokkaido," says Minako, fiddling with Kuwabara's jacket collar. She glances at Ami, who fidgets with her spoon, furtively watching Minako and Kuwabara closely.

"What's on your mind, Aino _-san_?" asks Kuwabara.

Minako smiles as she looks over Kuwabara. "You're...actually kind of cute," she says.

Kuwabara stares at Minako, flustered at the unfamiliar compliment. As he opens his mouth to respond, however...

...Minako draws Kuwabara close and kisses him.

* * *

"If you like Kazuma _-san_ that much," demands Ami acridly once she and Minako reaches Minako's house, "then why would you speculate about my feelings for him?"

"Speculate!?" snorts Minako. "Your feelings are evident." She enters her house, leaving the door open.

Fuming, Ami follows Minako inside. "Don't prevaricate, Minako!" she spits. "I-if you like Kazuma _-san_ ," she continues, "then I wish you the best-*"

Minako suddenly pins Ami to the couch, straddling Ami as she kisses her. Minako allows her hands to roam beneath Ami's school blouse.

Ami shakes her head to break the heady kiss. "What are you doing...?" she gasps.

Still straddling Ami, Minako pulls back. "He's spicy," she says, "with a hint of dark chocolate and berries."

"And cinnamon..." says Ami, breathless. "You didn't catch the cinnamon..."

"So you admit that he's delicious?" says Minako playfully.

Ami blushes, turning her head away.

"I understand completely why you want to keep Kuwabara _-kun_ all to yourself," says Minako. "Don't tempt me further to take him away."

"I'm more worried that you might try to take _me_ away," counters Ami, trembling.

"I've discovered...that I'm not good with sharing," says Minako.

"I told you," says Ami. "I..." Ami trails off, flushing as Minako nudges up Ami's skirt.

"How much...do you like Kuwabara _-kun_?" asks Minako, rubbing herself gently against Ami.

Ami stares between Minako's legs, noting the appearance of an organ which...should not be there. "...how did you...?" she wonders.

"Magic," says Minako. "I learned it somewhere."

"I'm...not interested in that..." says Ami, trembling as she gently pushes Minako away.

"Not from me, obviously," says Minako coyly as she nudges back the magical organ. "But if Kuwabara _-kun_ were to make the offer, you might not refuse it so readily."

Ami stands, straightening her clothes. "That presupposes," she says, "that Kazuma _-san_ returns my hypothetical feelings at present."

"You're on a first-name basis with the fellow," laughs Minako. "I think the hypothesis is well-proven."

Ami sighs. "I'm going home," she says, blushing. She leaves Minako's house.

* * *

Minako's mother answers the door. "Who is it?" she asks.

"Higashi Saitou," says Saitou, adjusting his school hat. "I'm a former classmate of your daughter, Aino Minako."

Minako's mother stares at Saitou a moment, then lets Saitou inside. "I'm sure she'll be happy to see you again," she says cheerfully.

"I know I will," says Saitou. "I'd like to discuss old times with her."

Minako's mother calls Minako out to the living room.

Minako enters the living room; she notices Saitou and suppresses a scowl. " _Okaasan,_ " she says, smiling, "I'd like to speak with Saitou _-kun_ alone. Is it all right if I take him to my room?"

Saitou glances at Minako's mother.

"Certainly," says Minako's mother. "Would you two like some tea?"

Minako stares at her mother, then nods; Saitou conceals a smirk.

After Minako's mother hands Minako a tray with tea and _mochi_ , she puts on a jacket. "I'm heading out to the store for groceries," she says.

 _Is okaasan seriously leaving me in a house alone with a high-school delinquent?_ wonders Minako silently.

Minako's mother leaves.

"I'm certain that she trusts her only child to exercise sound judgment," says Saitou, walking to Minako's room and opening the door.

"Undo whatever the hell you did to my mother," demands Minako as she walks toward Saitou.

Saitou chuckles. "You and I both know that we can't be disturbed," he says, pulling Minako into her room.

* * *

"I can't believe you honestly think I'm fooled with that stupid disguise, Kunzite!" spits Minako.

Saitou-or rather, Kunzite-grins.

"Even worse, you've not only assumed the alias of a former classmate of mine who's the leader of a street gang," Minako continues, "but for a clan name, you've chosen the alias of a former flunky of yours..." Minako trails off, listening to Kunzite's amused laughter.

"...you are half-correct, Aino _-san_ ," says Kunzite. "It's true that I took on the name 'Higashi' in tribute to my fallen servant Narcissus," he continues, "but as to 'Saitou'-your first kiss-being a mere acquaintance of yours: on that you're mistaken."

"That...that would mean..." says Minako, trembling.

"Yes, Aino _-san_ -or shall I say: Sailor Venus? Sailor V _-chan_?" Kunzite sneers. "You have to admit that being a delinquent is the perfect cover," he adds, touching the brim of his school hat.

"I don't see why," says Minako.

"Think about it. The only reason you bothered with a close look at Kazuma _-kun_ ," Kunzite continues, chuckling, "is because he was a friend of Mizuno _-san_...or rather, something more intimate."

"How would you even know about that!?" spits Minako.

"Delinquents are rather chatty bastards," says Kunzite. "Whenever they aren't punching each other's faces in, they _talk_ -about everything they've seen."

Minako glares at Kunzite.

Kunzite produces a handheld tape recorder, then plays it.

 _ **"...fucking hate that ugly bastard's luck, Saitou-sempai," says one ruffian.**_

 _ **"Which ugly bastard got lucky this week?" asks Kunzite, as Saitou.**_

 _ **"Kuwabara. You know that asshole's always lucky," says the ruffian. "He and Urameshi came into the Crown, and the next minute, he's talking to Aino."**_

 _ **"Doesn't Mizuno have a thing for him?" asks another thug.**_

 _ **"Yeah," says the ruffian, snickering. "The stuck-up little bitch was right there, too-when it happened."**_

 _ **"What happened?" asks Saitou, amused.**_

 _ **"I'll get to that, boss," says the ruffian. "Can't blame Mizuno for being upset, though: she must have put out for Kuwabara."**_

 _ **"Too bad for Okubo," laughs the second thug. "Mizuno shot him down for a date...then was all over Kuwabara at Fuan's place."**_

 _ **"Good," says Saitou. "I'm getting sick of seeing Kazuma-kun with that fat bastard low-life and his other two sidekicks."**_

 _ **"Anyway, at the Crown: Aino looks Kuwabara over, then kisses the damn lucky bastard-nice and sloppy," says the ruffian.**_

 _ **"Hn. Kazuma-kun is a fortunate bastard," says Saitou.**_

 _ **"Didn't you go to Aino's school once, Saitou-sempai?" asks a third rough.**_

 _ **"Yes," says Saitou. "I've often...fantasized about having her thighs around me."**_

 _ **"I think Aino might be up for a good time, boss," says the ruffian. "You're way better looking than Kuwabara. That kiss was fucking hot..."**_

Kunzite turns off the tape. "So," he asks crudely, "are you 'looking for a good time'?"

"...did Kuwabara _-kun_...say anything about it?" asks Minako icily, struggling to control her emotions.

"No," says Kunzite. "Kazuma _-kun_ is a cut above the average middle-school asshole with a pompadour."

Minako narrows her eyes at Kunzite. "What do you want with him?" she demands.

"That...would depend on you. Beryl _-sama_ has been interested in Kazuma _-kun_ -or, at least, his considerable energy-since he held his own against Nephrite," says Kunzite. "As for myself, I had been seeking the fellow out while you were flirting with Danburite _-kun_ ," he adds, smirking.

Minako trembles, furious.

"Don't mourn him. Danburite _-kun_ was a loser, a follower to the bitter end," sneers Kunzite.

Minako slaps Kunzite.

Kunzite grips Minako's wrist. "I have missed...your passion, V _-chan_ ," he says, pulling Minako onto his lap.

"Matters are different between us," says Minako, sullen.

"Are they, now...?" asks Kunzite, chuckling.

"We're enemies!" spits Minako.

"Oh, yes: there's that minor obstacle," says Kunzite. "But that's offset by the fact that you're reincarnated...and thus, a virgin again."

"You..." seethes Minako. "Do you honestly think I'd give myself to you?"

"If it hadn't been for a twist of fate," scoffs Kunzite, "you might have given yourself to Danburite _-kun_. Fortunately, events have conspired for you to save yourself for me," he continues, "to ease my loneliness."

"I'm sure there are places in the red-light district more than happy to soothe your 'loneliness', Kunzite," spits Minako.

"Ah, to never know lasting love," says Kunzite mockingly. "To always be compelled to choose duty over love."

"And what do you know of love?" counters Minako.

"Everything," says Kunzite, with an intense look in his eyes. "It would be a pleasure...to teach you once again."

"I won't betray my friends," says Minako.

Kunzite laughs. "I would never bother to ask you to do something so inane," he says, his hand under Minako's skirt. "Besides," he continues with devious glint in his eyes, "I think at least one of your cohorts would be relieved that you already have a steady lover to play with."

"What are you talking about!?" demands Minako. "And get your hand away from there!" she adds, blushing.

"Why?" asks Kunzite, moving his hand away from Minako's panties to the relative safety of her thighs. "Afraid you'll enjoy yourself?" He strokes Minako's face with his other hand.

"What are you...?" Minako asks, her unfinished question trailing off into a soft moan...

...as Kunzite resumes toying with Minako's panties.

Minako shudders in reluctant delight as Kunzite maneuvers his fingers inside her panties.

"One question at a time," Kunzite says softly as he pulls Minako close, removing her shirt. "I had meant that shy beauty Mizuno _-san_ , to answer you," he continues.

"We..." says Minako, shaking her head as her skin heats up. "No...we can't do this..."

"Why not?" whispers Kunzite. "It's just you and me," he continues, removing his hat, "and unlike most delinquents, I know how to keep my mouth shut." He kisses Minako.

Minako breaks the kiss. "You have an incredible amount of nerve," she spits.

"You didn't mind it the first time we kissed, Aino _-san_ ," Kunzite says in his "Saitou" affect.

"I didn't know I was kissing _you_ , Kunzite," says Minako.

"Fair enough," says Kunzite, gently releasing Minako. "Now that you do know," he continues, "and now that you remember what was between us, do you deny that you want this once more?"

Minako scowls, fighting back tears. "How dare you...!" she seethes.

"Do you expect me to take my pleasure from you?" asks Kunzite. "That wouldn't be satisfying for me-especially as such behavior is beneath us both."

"You'd much rather toy with my emotions," says Minako, curling up into a ball.

"For what it's worth," says Kunzite. "This isn't for the Dark Kingdom. I'm not deluded enough to think that I can sway you from our enmity with sex. This is simply...for me," he continues with a bittersweet expression on his face, "to acknowledge that a human heart still beats in my chest-so that if I die from love, it won't be in ignorance, like Nephrite's stupid death."

Minako stares at Kunzite.

"You should ask your comrades about the matter," continues Kunzite.

"Is this because of Zoisite?" asks Minako, touched by Kunzite's manner.

Kunzite gives Minako a rueful smile. "Though I am loyal to Beryl _-sama_ ," he says, "I hate her from the bottom of my heart. You cannot hate your sovereign," Kunzite continues, "because Selenity _-hime_ -that is, Usagi _-chan_ -is an innocent little fool."

Minako trembles.

"So," spits Kunzite. "Do not ever speak to me again regarding duty and love."

"What do you want?" asks Minako.

"You," says Kunzite. "Give your body to me once more," he continues, "and I may choose to leave you part of your soul...as you would have part of mine."

"Damn you, Kunzite," says Minako softly as she starts to remove her school uniform. "Damn you..."

* * *

Ami and Urawa sit together on a park bench, having finished lunch.

"Ryo _-kun_ , you have that faraway look in your eyes again," says Ami, noting Urawa's trance.

Urawa wakes from the trance. "I don't want to let you go...just yet," he says with a sad smile.

Ami stares at Urawa.

"I know how you feel about that fellow," says Urawa, looking into Ami's eyes, "but I won't let go of you, at least not right now. I never had to before."

"What...?" asks Ami, confused.

"There was, to quote a book title, a wrinkle in time," says Urawa. "Before the change, I didn't have to worry about that guy; now I do."

"I presume that the 'fellow' you refer to is a rival of yours for my affections," says Ami.

"He's stronger than me-physically and spiritually-in every way," says Urawa. "Why wouldn't you be drawn to him?"

"I don't understand..." says Ami.

"I am the echo; he is the voice," says Urawa.

"Who!?" demands Ami, frustrated.

"We both know who," says Urawa. "I don't want to be the one to say his name; that just...makes him more real."

"What do you mean?" asks Ami.

"If I don't say his name," grins Urawa bitterly, "then I can pretend that you'll be mine...for a little while longer."

"You're jealous," says Ami, understanding. "But you don't have to be. You don't have to pretend." She embraces Urawa.

Urawa stiffens, then pats Ami gently on the back.


	19. Elixir 12

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **12**_ : Don't try to pretend to be the better man.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

At a store, Kuwabara purchases two apples, a Red Delicious and a Granny Smith. He exits the store, then studies the two apples.

Kurama, outside the store, smiles at Kuwabara. "Hungry?" he asks.

"Yeah," says Kuwabara. "I wish I could eat both at once."

"You can only eat one at a time," says Kurama.

"I want them both," says Kuwabara soberly.

Kurama gives Kuwabara a canny look. "You can only truly enjoy one of the two," he says. "Only one can be your favorite. The first apple you eat," Kurama continues, "will always spoil your perception of the second."

"But what if I like the second better than the first?" asks Kuwabara. "I'm talking about apples, you know."

Kurama chuckles. "If you want my opinion," he says, "then just pick the Red Delicious. It's best suited for eating. Granny Smith apples are tart, and best suited for baking in pies."

"You're saying I can't bake a pie?" wonders Kuwabara.

"I think you know precisely what I mean," says Kurama. "You may be speaking of apples," he continues, "but you're thinking of another hunger."

Kuwabara gives Kurama a quizzical stare. "'Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar', Kurama," he says.

"True," says Kurama, "but not in this case. I have no further wish to discuss cigars or apples."

Kuwabara snorts at Kurama.

"When it comes to your desires, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," Kurama continues, "just follow your instincts." He leaves Kuwabara.

Kuwabara rolls his eyes, polishes the Red Delicious apple, and starts to take a bite; blushing as he thinks better of it, he puts both apples back inside the paper bag and walks away from the store.

* * *

Ami leaves the library; as she walks down the steps, she notes Okubo seated at the base of the steps, thumbing boredly through a textbook.

Okubo looks up; he grins broadly as he sees Ami and sets down his book as he stands. "Hello, Mizuno _-san_ ," he says, bowing to her.

"Hello, Okubo _-kun_ ," says Ami. "I wasn't expecting an escort."

"I know," says Okubo. "Are you done with your studies for today?" he asks.

Ami nods.

"I...have a pair of tickets to the carnival," Okubo continues, presenting the tickets. "I'd like you to come with me."

Ami smiles. "That's very kind of you, Okubo _-kun_ ," she begins, "but I-*"

"Please come with me," says Okubo, already grabbing Ami's hand and pulling her along. "We'll have fun together."

Ami pouts, then pulls her hand out of Okubo's with some force. "I...mean no harm, Okubo _-kun_ ," she says firmly, rubbing her hand, "but I have no wish to go."

Okubo turns away from Ami, scowling. _Not with me, anyway,_ he glowers silently. "It's okay to go on an outing with a friend, you know, Mizuno _-san_ ," he says aloud, "even if you have a boyfriend. Is Urawa that jealous?" he adds with a grin.

"No more than you would be if you were my boyfriend," says Ami.

Okubo chuckles. "Then let me see if I can steal you away from Urawa, Mizuno _-san_ ," he says, looking into Ami's eyes.

Ami shakes her head.

"You would come if Kuwabara _-san_ were to invite you," Okubo mutters.

"Kuwabara _-san_ would never ask me such a question," says Ami.

Okubo snickers. "He would never have to ask," he says, sticking his hands in his pockets and walking away.

Ami stares at Okubo a moment, then turns and walks in the opposite direction.

* * *

At lunch the next day, Kuwabara takes out his pair of apples and studies them again.

Yusuke grabs the Granny Smith and takes a voracious bite. "A bit sour, but I like it," he grins. "Thanks, Kuwabara."

Kuwabara glares at Yusuke. "That was mine, you stupid bastard," he says.

"You've got another apple," scoffs Yusuke, finishing the Granny Smith. "Don't be greedy."

"Greedy...?" sputters Kuwabara, fuming. "They're both my fucking apples."

"You can't fuck both of them at once," says Yusuke, looking into Kuwabara's eyes, "and you only want to fuck the red one anyway."

Kuwabara stares at Yusuke, flabbergasted.

"Look, I ain't one for flowery metaphors," snorts Yusuke. "You like Yukina," he continues, throwing away the apple core of the devoured Granny Smith, "but you want Mizuno in a bad way. So go after her, since she wants you back."

"What the fuck does that have to do with you eating my apple!?" balks Kuwabara.

Yusuke shrugs. "Nothing," he says, snickering. "Shit, I was hungry."

"I'll get you for this, Urameshi," says Kuwabara. He takes a bite out of the Red Delicious as he walks away.

Yusuke laughs.

* * *

Sailor Moon and Sailor Jupiter drop down onto a table at a French restaurant.

Okubo stares at the two _senshi_ , as does Ami.

Okubo's father glares at the _senshi_ , furious. "What. The hell. Is the meaning of this?" he demands.

"What is your intention in kidnapping Mizuno Ami?" counters Moon.

"K-kidnapping!?" sputters Okubo's father.

"To be fair to them," Ami hisses to Okubo, "they are right in a sense, Okubo _-kun_."

"I didn't ask the sorry bastard to do anything, for the record, Mizuno _-san_ ," whispers Okubo, scowling at his father.

Okubo's father motions to his right; a pair of bodyguards appear to grab Moon and Jupiter.

"You don't know who we are, do you?" scoffs Jupiter.

"I don't care; I only know that we're armed," sneers a bodyguard.

"Wait," says Ami, standing. "Perhaps I can reason with them." Glaring at Moon and Jupiter, Ami nods her head towards the women's restroom.

"We will have a lady-like conversation," says Moon, "and determine the truth." She jumps off the table, then stands with Ami.

"Try the _ragout_ ," grins Jupiter, following Moon to the floor with Ami, "while we powder our noses."

Ami leaves for the restroom with the two _senshi_. Okubo's father waves off his bodyguards, who nod and leave.

"You know," says Okubo after a moment, "I can respect a woman's wishes. You don't need to do this shit."

"I want what's best for you, Keiichi," says Okubo's father. "Any father would want the same."

"You're only my father in the sense that you fucked my mother," sneers Okubo.

"Even if you don't choose to acknowledge me as such," glowers Okubo's father, "I am your father, your brothers' father, and your mother's husband."

"Mom doesn't love you," says Okubo. "She doesn't want you. Nothing you do will change that; no amount of money or clout you throw around will change that."

Okubo's father stares at Okubo.

"There's a reason why she moved the four of us to a district with a shitty school system in a shit neighborhood filled with hoodlums," Okubo smirks, "and that reason is that she'd rather deal with a middle school where a teacher will go out of his way to get an honest kid expelled...than with you."

"You mean that dumbass Kuwabara you're always fawning over?" scoffs Okubo's dad.

"Yeah," says Okubo, "the same dumbass I have a lot of respect for. He's more of a man than you'll ever be."

"And yet this same man is the one that Mizuno _-san_ would rather rut with," says Okubo's father whimsically. "I'm confused, son. Enlighten me."

Okubo tenses his fists.

"Am I wrong?" asks Okubo's father.

"...no. You have no right to be classless about it," says Okubo. "Mizuno _-san_ is a lady."

"I know," says Okubo's father. "I don't see any reason why you should allow her to fall into the lap of an honorable loser like Kuwabara-no matter how much of a man you think he is."

Okubo snickers. "I suppose I should be like you," he says. "Pressure Mizuno _-san_ into something she doesn't want."

"There's no honor in giving up on what you want," sneers Okubo's father, "especially when your rival doesn't have a fucking clue about what he wants."

Okubo shakes his head in disbelief.

"You can hate me all you want," says Okubo's father, "but you know I'm right."

"The one thing I know," spits Okubo, "is that I don't want to be anything like you, you sorry fuck."

"You don't want to be rich and powerful?" wonders Okubo's father.

Okubo stares at his father.

"Neither do I," snorts Okubo's father. "Money means nothing to me. I'd live in a hovel if I could share the same roof with my family: with my wife and four sons."

"A wife who wants to escape you, a son who hates you, and three other sons who luckily don't know who the fuck you are," chuckles Okubo. "You're fucking pathetic, Okubo Keiichi _-san_ , and I wish I weren't stuck with your name."

* * *

The next day, after school, Ami and Kuwabara arrive at Ami's home.

"...I'm so frustrated, Kazuma _-san_ ," spits Ami, scowling.

"Why?" asks Kuwabara. "Compared to what you normally have to deal with," he adds, "talking to guys who like you is rather...mundane."

"Yes-if you return their feelings," says Ami.

"Did Okubo try to take liberties with you-during that sad attempt at a date he dragged you into?" asks Kuwabara, blunt.

"No. Okubo _-kun_ asked me to fondle him," says Ami, "but I refused, and he respected that."

"He shouldn't have asked you to do that, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara. "If Okubo tries anything," he continues, "just kick him."

"He won't!" says Ami.

"The four of us have become rather unpleasant fellows," counters Kuwabara.

"You certainly get into more fights," says Ami, "I'll grant you that."

"But, even after seeing how rotten people can be," says Kuwabara, gazing into Ami's eyes, "you still have such a bright and pure outlook on life."

"So do you, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami.

"No," says Kuwabara. "Ami _-san_ , I'm just an idiot who insists on making the world a little bit better than it deserves to be."

"As to me," says Ami with a thin smile, "I'm a sore loser who refuses to let this world beat me."

"That may be," says Kuwabara, "but seriously: kick Okubo in the nuts if he tries too hard. If he hurts you," he continues, "I won't forgive him."

Ami sighs. "Kazuma _-san_ ," she says, "I have a boyfriend who should be saying such things."

"Would Urawa say what I said about my best friend since kindergarten," scoffs Kuwabara, "who's being a stupid fuck right now?"

"Ryo _-kun_...is being distant," says Ami, rubbing her arms.

Kuwabara draws Ami to his side in a friendly hug. "That's not right," he says. "Doesn't he know that you have your choice of men?"

"You flatter me, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami.

"If stating a simple fact is flattery," says Kuwabara, grinning, "then I'll flatter you... _ojou-sama_."

Ami looks into Kuwabara's eyes a moment, then starts to turn her head away...

...except that Kuwabara touches Ami's chin; he then kisses her.

Ami briefly returns the kiss, then breaks it. "You, Kazuma _-san_...are a delight I shouldn't have," she says, wistful desire in her eyes.

"Why is that?" asks Kuwabara, stroking Ami's cheek.

"Because...I'm scared," says Ami, holding Kuwabara close. "I'm not strong like Usagi: able to carry on a brave face when her heart is broken in a million pieces. I don't have her courage."

"You don't need Tsukino _-san_ 's courage, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, rubbing Ami's back. "You only need your own."

Ami looks up at Kuwabara.

"I have your love and your friendship," Kuwabara continues soberly. "The darkest forces in hell will not claim me, let alone the Dark Kingdom."

Ami smiles. "Shouldn't my boyfriend be saying such things to me?" she asks playfully.

"Shouldn't you be filling up your boyfriend's arms?" quips Kuwabara in kind.

Ami trembles as her smile falters. "I wish I were in his arms," she says, looking deeply into Kuwabara's eyes.

Kuwabara returns Ami's gaze. "As do I," he says. "Do you understand what I mean," he asks, kissing Ami's forehead, "when I say that?"

"Yes," says Ami. "Kazuma _-san_ ," she continues, "you are my dream; Ryo _-kun_...is the reality I have chosen."

"I know," says Kuwabara, releasing Ami as she releases him.

"Then," says Ami, resolute, "let us be friends."

"Always," says Kuwabara.

Ami enters her house.

Kuwabara sighs. "Forever and always, my lady," he says, walking away.

* * *

At Shuu's restaurant after closing, Kuwabara and Okubo continue arguing.

"Ah, yes: that's what a woman thinks is part of the romance of riding on a Ferris Wheel with you," says Kuwabara dourly, "helping you jerk off."

"Do you: a man who is without a girlfriend at the moment," counters Okubo, "have more unsolicited advice that I can tell you to cram up your ass, Kuwabara _-san_?"

"Do you: a man who is without a doubt being a motherfucking idiot at the moment," says Kuwabara, "know that there is a beautiful woman named Sorano Hikaru who would happily forgive you for being an ass, jerk you off and suck you off in public if you asked her to, and otherwise adores you for some inexplicable reason?" He gives Okubo a crude grin.

"How can I help you understand," says Okubo quietly, "why I broke it off with Sorano _-san_?"

"Your excuses are amusing," says Kuwabara glibly. "I'd love to hear your latest."

Okubo grits his teeth, then begins. "Imagine playing a game of baseball. You're up to bat: bottom of the ninth, bases loaded. Your team is down by three. You nail the ball on your first swing, and it's a home run."

"Sounds like a happy ending to me," says Kuwabara. "What happened? You think that you ended up batting for the wrong team?"

"In a sense. Not only am I not batting for my team," says Okubo, "but I'm in the wrong ballpark."

"That's one way to look at it," says Kuwabara. "Another way is to think that maybe you were finally where you needed to be: in the right place and at the right time..." Kuwabara trails off.

"Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo whimsically, "I need you to finish your inappropriate and terrible baseball analogy."

"Please excuse me," says Kuwabara as he stands. "It isn't entirely your fault; I am clearly being watched." Kuwabara glances behind him, noting a figure seated at a nearby table.

"It's not Mizuno _-san_ spying on you again?" quips Okubo.

Kuwabara narrows his eyes at Okubo, then leaves his table and approaches the source of his discomfort: Urawa.

Urawa looks up at Kuwabara.

"Why are you staring at the back of my head?" Kuwabara asks after an unsettling silence.

Urawa smiles gently. "Sometimes I wish you would die," he says. "That would make my way clear."

Kuwabara's eyes widen in shock for a moment, then he glares at Urawa. "I don't know what your issue is with me," he says, "but we can settle matters outside."

"You know I can't possibly win a physical altercation with you, fellow," says Urawa. "I am Urawa Ryo, not Urameshi Yusuke."

"Trust me, Urawa," says Kuwabara, "I'm not making that mistake-not with a rude little bastard who is so jealous of me that he can't use my fucking name in conversation."

"Ami _-san_ is comfortable with you," says Urawa. "She is truly herself when she's near you. I...can't bring myself to accept that; you're absolutely right."

"You're her boyfriend!" spits Kuwabara, confused. "Doesn't that mean anything!?"

"She wants to like me," says Urawa.

"You're even more of an idiot than that fat cocksucker I call my friend," says Kuwabara, jerking his thumb at Okubo. "Ami _-san_ _does_ like you, dumbass," he continues.

"And you, far more," says Urawa. "Dumbass."

"If you want to fight me, Urawa," says Kuwabara, fuming quietly, "then say so."

"I don't want to fight you," says Urawa. "I'd lose."

"...I get the feeling that I'm not even your real opponent," says Kuwabara, studying Urawa.

Urawa sighs. "I don't think it ever occurred to you that you could use your powers to win academically," he says.

"That's probably because I'm a bit of a moron," says Kuwabara.

Urawa shakes his head. "That's not it," he says. "You simply have too strong a moral code to accept such an easy path."

"No," says Kuwabara, "it's because, as the head _sensei_ at my school has repeatedly informed me: my stubbornness and arrogance outweighs what little good sense I have."

Urawa stares at Kuwabara.

"The only reason you had used your power in that way was to impress Ami _-san_ : a reasonable and honest bit of cheating, given the stakes," grins Kuwabara. "The two of you are now past that misunderstanding," he continues, "so your way is already clear. I'm not your rival."

"That's true," says Urawa. "You've already won Ami _-san's_ heart."

Kuwabara scowls at Urawa. "What the hell do you want!?" he demands.

"Take her body, though I know you've already done so," says Urawa, "and make it clear to me, the crazy dunce, that she can never be mine."

Kuwabara shakes his head. "I'm going to leave you be, Urawa," he says. "Jealousy is driving you nuts."

"Don't try to pretend to be the better man," says Urawa curtly. "If our positions were reversed, I wouldn't hesitate."

"Shut the fuck up, Urawa," says Kuwabara, tensing his fist.

"You're not meant to be the bald kid in that American comic strip," says Urawa. "That would be my role. Let me be the one to miss the football and fall on my ass."

Kuwabara scowls a moment, suppressing the urge to punch Urawa. "No, Urawa," he says, walking to the door of the restaurant. "I'm a durable bastard. I, Kuwabara the clown, was born to fall on my ass and fail. For Ami _-san_ 's sake, I will continue to do so, if it's all the same to you." Kuwabara exits the restaurant.

Okubo shakes his head as he looks toward Urawa, catching Urawa's exasperated expression; his eyes meet Urawa's.

Urawa sighs.

"I know," says Okubo. "Please forgive my friend; he is such a dumbass."

* * *

Later that night, at Saitou's warehouse, Kuwabara stares at Saitou for several minutes, shocked at Saitou's morose expression.

Seated on his throne, Saitou looks up from the ground at Kuwabara, giving Kuwabara a listless smile.

"I was thinking: that was a dirty trick Hanataro _-sempai_ pulled on Chiba," says Kuwabara after a moment, trying to strike up conversation.

"It was bold and reckless, the way he always was," says Saitou, a bitter smirk on his face. "Cost him his life."

"Why are you even here?" asks Kuwabara. "Why aren't you preparing to murder some teenage girls at the Dark Kingdom with Chiba?"

"Because my young band of assholes did something unexpectedly touching and heartfelt: they put together a memorial for him," says Saitou, gazing at a vase with a single, faded pink rose in front of a photo of Hanataro. "When your pack is loyal," he continues, "you honor that."

Kuwabara studies Saitou.

"Ride with me, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou, mounting his silver-and-black motorcycle.

"I don't have a license," says Kuwabara.

"You say that to me every time. Don't crash, and you won't have to worry about shit like that," says Saitou.

Confused, Kuwabara mounts his black motorcycle.

"You've got the bike, and I'm showing you how to ride it," continues Saitou. "I don't give a fuck about a license, so why should you?"

"Maybe I'm a rule-abiding rebel," scoffs Kuwabara.

"Just let me tarnish your armor a bit, white knight," says Saitou. "Let's go." Saitou starts up his bike and drives out onto the street.

Kuwabara sighs, puts on a helmet, starts up his bike, and drives off after Saitou.

On the open road several minutes later, Saitou and Kuwabara race on.

"Saitou _-sempai_!" cries Kuwabara, stopping at a bluff overlooking the sea.

Saitou parks his bike next to Kuwabara's, then stands alongside him.

"What you said before," continues Kuwabara, taking off his helmet. "It wasn't just about Yokosuka and those other Shiba men, was it?"

Saitou chuckles. "Truly, Kazuma _-kun_ ," he says, "you are coming into your own. I'm glad..."

"Glad of what, _sempai_?" asks Kuwabara.

"Glad that you knew enough of your own worth," says Saitou, "to have the sense to refuse me."

Kuwabara sighs. "It wasn't easy. Your offer was very strong. Even with that woman you work for," he says, "I was-and am still-quite tempted."

"Even though you'd have to make your woman hate you," grins Saitou, "for getting her in with us."

"You overestimate my seductive power," scoffs Kuwabara. "The only thing she'd be doing is training under Genkai _-shihan_ and Urameshi to personally kick my ass."

Saitou laughs, then takes out a can of _**Calpis Water**_ , opens it, and gulps some of it down. "Kazuma _-kun_ ," he asks after a moment, "did you make Mizuno _-san_ a woman yet?"

"Eh?" says Kuwabara, blushing slightly.

"That pretty girl who loves to keep you company," continues Saitou, "when you're sick of comparing cock sizes with your men. But, if you're into guys, I won't hold that against you," he adds with a smirk.

Kuwabara shakes his head. "You're in a mood, Saitou _-sempai_ ," he says. "I'm just glad you didn't rise to Urameshi's bait."

"That bastard Okubo is the one who set Urameshi as bait," scoffs Saitou.

"Okubo thinks you're a bad influence on me, _sempai_ ; and to be fair to him," says Kuwabara, "you have been doing your level best to corrupt me-from the very beginning."

"He's trying to set you on a pedestal you never asked for and steal your woman at the same time," says Saitou.

"Please explain, _sempai_ ," says Kuwabara, "how Okubo can steal someone I don't have?"

"Isn't Mizuno Ami the girl you've fooled around with since grade school?" says Saitou.

"Yeah, so?" wonders Kuwabara.

"Knock her up. It's for her own good," says Saitou. "Besides, she wants you the same way you want her: in a bad way."

Kuwabara rolls his eyes. "If I wanted that kind of advice," he says, "I could hang around Urameshi."

"That fellow's not bright," says Saitou, "so I'd say he simply speaks from experience."

"Urameshi has a young lady friend who slaps him around if he gets too perverted," says Kuwabara with a chuckle. "In any event," he continues, smirking, "I'd say it's rather obvious why you, even now, want me to get into it with Mizuno _-san_."

"Further into it, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou. "How many times must I tell you: 'don't try to shit me'."

"Who is shitting who, Kunzite _-sempai_?" sneers Kuwabara.

"I had no intention of veiling my motives, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou. "Unlike the others, I have no need to play such games."

"This...whole _thing_ is just a game to you!" balks Kuwabara.

"Not a game, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou, "a diversion. Saitou's life is simple and free. The life of Kunzite _-ousama..._ is not," he adds bitterly.

Kuwabara stares at Saitou.

"That is why lately I haven't been setting traps for the _senshi_ ; I've been leaving all the work to Endymion," continues Saitou. "That's simply the kind of fellow that Beryl _-sama_ prefers: a pet, an unquestioning puppet compelled to dance to her tune."

"Then why are you still trying to use me to seduce and impregnate your adversary, Mizuno Ami?" asks Kuwabara.

Saitou sighs. "I pledged myself to Beryl _-sama_ 's service a long time ago," he says, "so I can't simply turn my back on her entirely. Still, I'm not going to bust my ass for her anymore. I have no reason to."

"Zoisite must have been incredible," says Kuwabara, confused.

"It's not simply Zoisite," says Saitou. "It's as you said, and even Yokosuka-as well as Zoisite himself: Beryl _-sama_ killed Jadeite needlessly, and she set that poor bastard Nephrite up for failure; even if Zoisite hadn't sent those two _youma_ to kill him," he continues ruefully, "Beryl _-sama_ would have done Nephrite in eventually."

"Aren't you worried that she's going to kill you, too?" asks Kuwabara.

"I'm the only _tennou_ she has left to toy with. She won't fuck with me," sneers Saitou. "She knows that she stupidly killed off good men who had served her well, and had numerous means to eliminate a pack of opponents as absurd as teenage girls."

"Ah; so Beryl's so short-handed that she wants to recruit me?" scoffs Kuwabara.

"You haven't even begun to put your powers to the test, Kazuma _-kun_. It's a pity," Saitou says, "that I simply don't have time to unlock your potential."

"What do you mean?" asks Kuwabara.

"Kuwabara Kazuma: you truly are a cut above the rest," says Saitou as he vanishes along with his bike.

* * *

The next day, at Sarayashiki Middle, Yusuke punches Kuwabara.

Kuwabara seethes at Yusuke. "Urameshi," he spits, "why did you sucker punch me!? Do you want to die!?"

"I hadn't beat you up in a while, Kuwabara," grins Yusuke, "so you were about due."

"You sorry bastard!" snarls Kuwabara as he swings at Yusuke.

"Uh-oh," says Yusuke, narrowly dodging Kuwabara's fist, "you almost _landed_ that one."

"Hold still so I can fucking hit you properly!" fumes Kuwabara.

Yusuke sighs, then quickly defeats Kuwabara. "You're more comfortable when you lose than when you win, aren't you, Kuwabara?" he says with an understanding look.

Kuwabara blearily stares at Urameshi. "I suppose I wouldn't recognize victory if it bit me in the ass," he says with a bitter smile.

"You do have a tendency to piss it away," says Yusuke, "but I don't think you're that stupid."

"When you win," says Kuwabara, rising to his feet, "you have more to lose."

"There ain't much dignity in being a loser, Kuwabara," says Yusuke, "when the only reason you lost is because you threw the fight to a weaker opponent."

"This from the asshole who watches professional wrestling," scoffs Kuwabara.

"Professional wrestling and your fucking heart are two different things, Kuwabara!" spits Yusuke.

Kuwabara's eyes widen.

"You and that bitch Mizuno want each other," Yusuke continues, "so I don't understand why either of you are letting that twerp Urawa stand in your way."

"Quit calling Ami _-san_ that, you piece of shit," spits Kuwabara. "She hasn't even done anything to you."

"You made me care about you, dumbass," smirks Yusuke, "so you and everyone you love must pay the price."

"Urawa is Ami _-san's_ boyfriend," says Kuwabara.

"That didn't stop you from shoving your tongue down her throat," sneers Yusuke, "or feeling her up...or fu-*"

Kuwabara blushes. "It just happened!" he sputters.

"You two wanted it to happen," says Yusuke, "so quit fucking around...or in your case, start fucking."

The bell rings for class.

Kuwabara hits Yusuke on the back of the head. "You're a jackass, Urameshi," he scowls as he heads to class.

"I won't let you get away with that, Kuwabara," says Yusuke, following Kuwabara inside Sarayashiki Middle.


	20. Elixir 13

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **13**_ : There's an allure to that fantasy, I suppose...

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

Ami steps out of her classroom during study hall, perplexing her classmates.

From her desk, Usagi watches as Ami speaks with a student from Meioh Academy. _That's right; she went to Meioh during her first year of middle school,_ Usagi notes. _That guy is so cute, too. Wonder if he has a crush on Ami._

The student hands Ami a note, then leaves. Ami reenters the classroom.

"Who was he?" asks Usagi as Ami returns to her desk.

"Minamino Shuuichi: a former classmate of mine," says Ami, "and a friend of Kazuma _-san_ 's."

Usagi grins.

"I have no interest in Minamino _-kun_ whatsoever," Ami continues, "and I wish to halt all inquiries in that direction."

Usagi's lower lip quivers. _That makes me wonder even more..._ she whimpers inwardly.

"We will meet with him outside during lunch," says Ami, "and inform Rei after school ends."

Usagi nods.

"And he's not interested in me, either," adds Ami with a knowing smirk.

"You wound me, Mizuno Ami," says Usagi with mock indignation. "I can only wonder how many more lovesick suitors will appear for your fair hand."

Ami sighs, then opens a book to study.

* * *

Usagi, Ami, and Makoto sit with Minamino Shuuichi-or rather, Kurama-during lunch at Juuban Middle.

"Why would these Toguro characters want Kuwabara _-san_ to fight?" asks Usagi. "Kuwabara _-san_ 's strong, but he's not a trained martial artist."

"The Toguro Brothers have witnessed Kuwabara _-kun_ 's power and skill during a prior altercation," says Kurama, writing a note. "This invitation was issued to several individuals-including myself," he continues, "and it's mandatory that we attend."

"What happens if you refuse?" asks Makoto. "These guys can't just demand that you put your life on hold to play live-action _**Street Fighter**_." She hands Kurama a tray of dumplings.

Kurama takes two dumplings out of the tray. "That isn't a question I will answer," he says as he finishes his note. Kurama hands the note to Ami.

Ami reads the note. "I understand. You want me to help Kuwabara _-san_ stay on top of his studies," she says, "during the two months that he is sparring with you."

"Yes," says Kurama. "In fact," he continues, "you must address all of his needs: mental, physical, and spiritual."

"That's a lot to ask of a middle school student," says Usagi, "even one as smart as Ami."

"Kuwabara _-kun_ will pull his weight," says Kurama, "and return the favor by serving all of Mizuno _-san_ 's needs. Their history together," he continues, "makes Mizuno _-san_ an ideal candidate for a partner."

Makoto stares at Kurama, as does Usagi.

Ami dabs the corners of her mouth with a napkin, finishing her lunch.

* * *

Ken knocks Kuwabara to the ground. "What the hell was that!?" he spits. "I told you to hold your damned ground!"

"I'm fighting a trained _hanyo_ swordsman holding a steel pipe with a fucking wooden stick," counters Kuwabara as he stands.

"A _bokudo_ ," says Ken. "Not that I had any formal training with a sword," he snorts.

"You're better at this shit than I am," scoffs Kuwabara, readying himself for another attack.

"I learned...the same way you learned how to fight," says Ken between pipe swings as Kuwabara dodges and parries Ken's attacks. "By fighting...and surviving...to fight another day!" Ken moves in for a body strike, but Kuwabara holds his ground.

"Yeah!" grins Ken. "You'd better survive that tournament," he continues, "because if you die, I'll feed you to my lazy brother."

"And if you fail to make it to the final round before dying," says Sesshoumaru, boredly eating ramen, "then I'll have no choice but to bury you. I won't eat weak humans."

"You can't eat humans," says Yusuke.

"Don't mind him, Urameshi," says Ken. "He's in one of his moods because I dragged him outside."

"I wouldn't count on eating Kuwabara anyway," says Yusuke. "The bastard's too stubborn to die."

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said about me," says Kuwabara sardonically as he fends off Ken's attacks.

"I didn't say you'd _win_ , asshole," says Yusuke, "just that you're too stupid to know when to die. You'll get the shit beaten out of you throughout."

Angry at Yusuke's comment, Kuwabara off-handedly knocks Ken across the field. "When I'm done winning the fucking tournament for your ass, Urameshi," he says, "I'll be your opponent."

"And you'll lose to me for the one hundred fifty-seventh time...or is it the one hundred fifty-eighth? I've lost count," Yusuke smirks.

"You know what?" spits Kuwabara. "Fuck the tournament! You and me, right now!"

Yusuke shakes his head. "I have to deal with that old bitch for two months, remember?" he says.

Kuwabara turns, barely blocking Ken's overhead strike.

"You bastard!" Ken grins. "I'm your damned opponent right now!"

"He can't help himself," says Yusuke. "Kuwabara always remembers his first time." 

"I guess you were the first guy to outright beat the crap out of this tough bastard, Urameshi," says Ken, "though he's had some experience with girls-hey!" Ken dodges a sudden strike from Kuwabara.

"My sister doesn't count, dog-breath!" hisses Kuwabara.

"Sneak attacks?" wonders Ken, surprised as he grins. "I'll have you hitting girls yet!"

"Not a chance, you flea hostel," says Kuwabara. "I'm a gentleman."

Yusuke grins. "Kuwabara only hits women with his-*" he starts.

Sesshoumaru hits Yusuke on the head. "There's no need to be crude," he says, "even if you're human."

Yusuke throws a punch, but Sesshoumaru blocks it with one hand; he backhands Yusuke with his other hand.

Yusuke lies on the ground, unconscious.

Ken snorts. "That was his weak hand," he says, annoyed. "Bastard's showing off."

"Then quit toying with me," says Kuwabara, smirking, "and show me how to fight."

"You asked for-*" starts Ken, however...

...the school bell rings.

"Damn," says Ken. "We have to drag Urameshi to class."

"Everyone will just think Urameshi's asleep," says Kuwabara. "Fucker came back from the dead; I don't think hell wants him back."

"Do you think I lack the self-control to know my strength?" asks Sesshoumaru.

Kuwabara shakes his head, then carefully hoists Yusuke onto his back.

"Just stay outside the school," says Ken. "And don't eat anybody."

"I make no promises," says Sesshoumaru as he leaves.

Ken rolls his eyes. "Urameshi needs a hell of a lot of training from that old hag if he can't take a hit from my stupid brother," he says.

"Urameshi's tough," says Kuwabara. "He can handle his shit when the time comes."

"That's nice," scoffs Ken, "but if you could barely survive me," he continues, "then how are you going to survive the old fox bastard Kurama-let alone the damn tournament?"

"By being a durable bastard who refuses to die," says Kuwabara.

"I hope you'll be alive to say that to me in two months," says Ken.

* * *

At Hikawa Shrine, in the chamber of the sacred flame, Rei shakes her head at Ami.

"But Kazuma _-san_ needs to train," says Ami. "If I can be of some help, then I'm willing to do it."

"Those two...are very strong _yokai_ ," says Rei. "No amount of training will prepare Kuwabara _-kun_ and his friends."

"As much as I want to simply hide Kazuma _-san_ -and even his friends-away, they won't be safe anywhere," says Ami. "At least by honoring Minamino _-kun_ 's request, I'll be able to do something to protect him."

"You don't understand! Look into the sacred flame," Rei demands, setting Ami in front of the fire. "See what Minamino _-kun_ and Kuwabara _-kun_ have to face."

Ami rolls her eyes, and starts to gaze into the flame...

...only for a sudden gust of wind to nearly knock the flame out-as it knocks the two girls away.

"Your grandfather's quite strong, Hino Rei," says a tall, muscular man holding Rei's grandfather in one hand. "Even unconscious, he tends to the flame."

"You...you...!" Rei trembles before the man.

"You must be Toguro _-san_ ," says Ami calmly.

Toguro _-otouto_ nods. "You are Mizuno Ami, the young lady Kuwabara is fond of," he says, "and also one of the Sailor _senshi_ I've heard about."

Moon and Jupiter start to attack Toguro _-otouto_ , but Toguro- _ani_ grabs the pair of _senshi_ with his fingers.

"We aren't those idiotic _youma_ you're stuck fighting, little girls," sneers Toguro- _ani_. "I'd love to put my balls deep into your-*"

"Don't be worthless, brother," Toguro _-otouto_ says darkly. "This is business."

"Come on, _otouto-chan_ ; you may have held out for fifty years," counters Toguro- _ani_ , leering at Jupiter, "but I need _release_ -preferably on the tall girl's tits!"

Jupiter kicks Toguro- _ani_ in his face. "Like I haven't heard _that_ one before, pal!" she spits.

"What do you want?" Rei demands.

"It's not a problem," says Ami. "You're just here to remind me of my appointment with Minamino _-kun_ ," she says to Toguro _-otouto_.

Toguro _-otouto_ nods.

"I have no objection to assisting Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Ami, "in any way that I can. Thus, there's no need to threaten me or menace my friends."

"We won't be intimidated," adds Moon. "The enemies we fight are nasty customers," she adds, "while you and your brother are just a pair of weird creeps who want to abuse teenage boys."

"I don't mind slapping around rude schoolgirls to teach them manners," cackles Toguro- _ani_. He curls his elongated fingers tighter around Moon's bound arms and waist.

A black rose impales Toguro- _ani's_ neck, puncturing a vein.

Toguro- _ani_ releases Moon and Jupiter, then pulls out and ties off the vein. "Whoever did that isn't too shabby," he says.

"If either of you put your filthy hands on any of them again," says Endymion as he appears from the shadows, "I'll kill you both."

"I'd consider that threat meaningful," Toguro _-otouto_ scoffs, "if you weren't human. In any event," he continues, nodding to Toguro- _ani_ as he drops Rei's grandfather. "our business is almost ended here."

Endymion lands beside Moon, drawing her close to his side. Jupiter stands in front of the couple, Ami, and Rei; Rei tends to her knocked-out grandfather.

"Mizuno _-san_ : the one you call Minamino is expecting you to train Kuwabara well," continues Toguro _-otouto_ as Toguro- _ani_ perches onto Toguro _-otouto's_ shoulder, "and we eagerly await the fruits of your efforts. Don't disappoint us." The Toguro Brothers exit the temple and leave Hikawa Shrine.

Moon scowls. "Beryl is so cruel," she mutters as she looks up at Endymion, "to let you come after me."

"What can I say?" says Endymion, a thin smile on his face. "I come when you call out to me."

"Since we are enemies now," says Moon, "then it would make sense to kill me."

"All in due time, Sailor Moon," says Endymion. "You must suffer a bit more," he continues, stroking Moon's cheek and touching her chin, "so Beryl _-sama_ and I have decided to let you and your cohorts play with those delinquents a bit longer."

Trembling, Moon backs away, a cautious expression on her face.

"So beautiful, and brave. Let's see if your games with those idiots will toughen you up a bit in two months," Endymion smirks. "I'd hate for you to die too quickly... _odango-atama_." Laughing cruelly, Endymion disappears.

"The timing...couldn't possibly be worse..." says Moon as she reverts to Usagi, along with Jupiter, who returns to normal as Makoto.

"I will save you..." Usagi continues, wiping away a tear, "...if for no other reason than to punch you in the face, Mamo _-baka_!"

"Save a little for the rest of us, Your Highness," smirks Rei. "He broke my heart first, remember?"

"True, but he's poked fun at me the longest," quips Usagi, "and now Beryl's got him falling back into his bad old habits."

Rei sighs as she pulls her grandfather onto her back. "Take care, Usagi," she says as she leaves the chamber.

Makoto nods, musses Usagi's hair, and grins cheerfully. "We'll beat all of this," she says. "The Dark Kingdom, and those Toguro bastards."

Usagi returns Makoto's nod. "Please let Minako know what's going on," she says.

"Right," says Makoto. "It seems nobody can help who they love," she continues, "but don't mind me: I'm just being a bit jealous of you three." Makoto leaves the chamber.

Usagi and Ami remain, standing before the sacred flame.

"Ami _-san_..." says Usagi, trembling. "This is so hard...! I can't stand this anymore!"

Ami embraces Usagi. "It's alright, Usagi: you're entitled," she says.

Usagi weeps on Ami's shoulder. "I don't want to do any of this," she blubbers.

"Usagi," says Ami quietly, "you and Kazuma _-san_ both freely offered me the priceless gift of friendship. I will do my absolute best for you both."

"You have far more than 'Kazuma _-san_ 's' friendship, Ami _-chan_ ," says Usagi, a teasing smile on her tear-streaked face.

Ami returns Usagi's smile. "And likewise you, Usagi," she says playfully, "will always have Mamoru _-san_ 's love. Remember that, if nothing else," she adds, serious, "and Beryl will have no power over you."

Usagi sighs. "We have two months to get our collective act together and shape up," she says. "I'm actually relieved."

Ami touches her chin.

"I've never had so much time to study for a test!" grins Usagi.

"Indeed!" laughs Ami. "With that much time," she continues, "we should all have high marks."

"Then let's study," says Usagi, "and learn well."

Ami nods; she and Usagi both leave the chamber.

The sacred flame burns bright. Luna, left alone, contemplates it.

Luna moans. "Kuwabara _-san_ ," she says to the flame, recalling her memories of her contacts with Kuwabara, "I pray that you forgive me, for involving Ami in any of this." Sighing, she leaves.

* * *

At the training ground the next morning, Kurama knocks Kuwabara down with a brutal attack.

"Good, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kurama. "You survived the opening round."

Kuwabara rises to his feet, then rolls his eyes. " _Yokai_ are always fixated on survival," he scoffs. "What are you all surviving for?"

"Does there have to be a higher reason," asks Kurama, "than simply living from day to day?"

"You probably don't think there's any greater purpose to your existence," Kuwabara says, shrugging.

"Why would there be?" Kurama asks. "It would be arrogant to presume such."

"Maybe it's a human quirk," says Kuwabara. "Curiosity, wonder. Wanting to know shit just to know it."

"Knowledge is power," says Kurama, "and there is no shortage of humans who have sought power throughout history."

"And for _yokai_ , the strong survive, and the weak die," says Kuwabara. "It doesn't even work that way for the animal kingdom; otherwise, explain the panda."

"A steady diet of bamboo shoots and a lack of natural predators outside of humankind," says Kurama.

"Fine. We have a lot of different reasons why we're at the top of the food chain," says Kuwabara, "but the biggest one is that it's not the strongest animal who survives, but the one who can adapt quickly to change in the surrounding environment-nice throw!" he says as he catches a baseball...

...from Sailor Mercury, carrying a duffel bag. "For humans, our unique ability to throw objects has ensured our dominance as well," she says.

"There's that, Mercury _-san_ ," Kuwabara grins.

"So. Shall the three of us study or spar?" asks Mercury.

"I will study, and prepare tests for you both," says Kurama. "You two may spar if you wish."

Kuwabara removes his school jacket, revealing a white tank top underneath. "Unfortunately," he says, "I may have to strike you, Mercury _-san_. I can't let up, as that bastard over there has sworn to kill me if I do," Kuwabara continues, summoning his _reiken_ as he nods to Kurama. "I ask your forgiveness in advance."

"Don't hold back on my account, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Mercury, readying herself as she sizes Kuwabara up. "Come at me however you'd like."

Kurama smirks behind a book. _Humans, above all creatures,_ he says to himself, _have a deeper appreciation of pain and pleasure than they'd care to admit._

* * *

Ami observes Kuwabara as he works on Kurama's assignment, the tall boy nursing several bruises. "How do you study while injured?" she asks Kuwabara while rubbing a bruise on her leg.

"I can safely tell you that your grades will suffer if you try to handle both at once, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara. "Oh, and you women don't fight fairly."

"I merely took advantage of your chauvinism, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami.

"It's called chivalry," pouts Kuwabara. "Don't hand me that Rudyard Kipling bullshit either," he adds.

"It's just one reason our lifespans average longer than men," smiles Ami. "You don't have to give birth, though, so it all balances out."

"That'd only be an argument if some sorry bastard forced you to conceive," says Kuwabara.

"We're expected to remain demure by society," says Ami.

"While we're expected to be aggressive, drooling idiots," says Kuwabara. "We each have our double standards to deal with."

"Your sex had the whole Heian era to work through those issues," Ami teases. "We should get to act like men."

"I heard that you tried that once," says Kuwabara, grinning at Ami, "and I was the only idiot in the restaurant who was fooled."

"You were simply preoccupied with your goal of improving your peers' study habits," says Ami. "A worthy objective."

"I just didn't want Okubo losing his job over stupid shit-or anyone else in his situation," says Kuwabara.

The two humans finish their assignments in silence, each stealing glances at the other.

 _It's hard to concentrate,_ Kuwabara muses, _on anything but Ami-san. What the fuck is Kurama thinking?_

 _Kazuma-san,_ says Ami to herself, _is growing into his body. I also have feelings for Ryo, though._

Kuwabara blushes as he scowls at his paper. _I still like Yukina-san,_ he says to himself. _How'd I let myself and Ami-san get into it?_

Ami rubs her arms absently. _That night... I think I would have let him have me,_ she says silently, _no matter the impetus._

 _On top of the training, and all of this fucking schoolwork,_ says Kuwabara to himself, _I have to keep my stupid cock under control around Ami-san._

Kurama claps his hands three times. "You two are done with that," he says. "I need you both to gather firewood for the night, and to fish for dinner."

"I brought dinner," say Kuwabara and Ami in unison.

"I recognize that," says Kurama. "Unfortunately, my initial bout with Kuwabara caused me to work up quite an appetite," he continues, "and Makoto _-san_ is an excellent cook."

"So you ate enough food to feed three people for two months in one evening?" balks Ami. "Minamino _-kun_ : I never imagined that you could eat so much."

"He didn't," spits Kuwabara. "Urameshi and Genkai _-shihan_ ate most of it while the two of us were fighting."

"Yes," admits Kurama. "Hiei also stole the dumplings."

"Fuck that bastard!" Kuwabara seethes. "Wasn't he training alone?"

Kurama shrugs. "If you two don't want to starve, then," he says, "you'll have to adapt."

"Perhaps we should kill and eat him," says Ami as her stomach growls.

"I'm too hungry to wrangle with him right now," groans Kuwabara as his stomach rumbles. He takes off his pants.

"How will we fish?" Ami asks.

"There's a river northeast of here," says Kuwabara, "and the tide's good, so we should catch something to silence our stomachs."

Ami nods, slipping on a pair of denim shorts beneath her school skirt before taking off the whole uniform.

"You shouldn't be wearing a camisole at your age, Ami _-san_ ," quips Kuwabara.

"Those stripes on your boxers aren't very dignified, Kazuma _-san_ ," Ami responds in kind, "and I think a stripe is...misaligned," she adds, blushing.

Kuwabara's cheeks redden; he takes Ami's hand in his. "Perhaps it'll fix itself when we go fishing," says Kuwabara as he walks with Ami into the forest.

* * *

"It's kind of transparent what he's trying to do, isn't it?" says Kuwabara.

"Minamino _-kun_?" asks Ami.

Kuwabara nods as he pulls the last skewered fish from the fire. "I can't think about _that_ right now," he says. "I have too much work to do."

"The Toguro Brothers are rather strong," says Ami, rubbing her arms.

"We'll beat them, and anybody else that comes at us," says Kuwabara. "Are you cold, Ami _-san_?" he continues, watching as Ami hugs herself tightly.

"No," says Ami. "I just want you to do well," she continues, "and return safely, Kazuma _-san_."

"I will, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, placing a hand on Ami's shoulder and drawing her close to him. "I want you to do the same," he adds.

Ami nuzzles against Kuwabara's chest as she and Kuwabara stare into the fire.

The two gaze into each other's eyes; each strokes the other's cheek. Kuwabara and Ami lean in to kiss, but a breeze carries the scent of fire-broiled fish.

"...our food will get cold if we don't eat," says Kuwabara, turning to the platter of fish.

Ami stares at the fish. "Didn't we have more...?" she wonders.

Kuwabara looks up to a nearby tree, where Hiei gulps down a broiled fish whole. "You bastard!" he spits. "You won't train me to fight, but you'll happily eat my food!"

"Be proud that you serve a purpose, fool," Hiei smirks after licking his lips. "Take care of your woman," he adds, "or I may have to snatch her away as well." Hiei vanishes.

Kuwabara curses under his breath as he and Ami return to their meal.

* * *

In the morning, Kurama hands Kuwabara a book. "Your task today is to read this," he says. "Once you have done this and have demonstrated your understanding of its content," Kurama continues, "then I can train you properly."

"But until I read this," says Kuwabara, irritated, "you won't train me."

"I can't train you, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kurama. "You aren't ready."

"I'm not ready?" balks Kuwabara. "I'm standing before you, waiting to be trained on how to fight against a group of fucks who are likely a lot tougher than I am-but I'm not ready?"

"That's right," says Kurama.

"I know I won't stand a chance in the tournament unless I can fight on a better level," says Kuwabara, tense. "I don't see what fucking relevance the... _ **Kama Sutra**_...has to me training to fight _yokai_ who want me dead for being human."

"Read it with an open mind, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kurama. "Continue to spar with Mizuno _-san_ if you wish to fight."

"I don't want to fight her, you sorry fuck!" spits Kuwabara. "I want to..." Kuwabara trails off, his body trembling.

"What?" asks Kurama, annoyed. "You have to complete your sentences."

Kuwabara blushes, then scowls. "Fuck it! I'll train by myself," he says, walking away with the _**Kama Sutra**_ in hand.

Kurama smiles. _He'll have to yield sooner or later,_ he muses.

* * *

"Okay!" Kuwabara grins. "Ami _-san_ , I want to extend my attack range without having to extend my _reiken_."

"Why?" Ami asks.

"Because it takes a while to gather the energy to form the _reiken_ in the first place," says Kuwabara, "and I can't just stand around yelling ' _nobiyo_ ' while some muscled, slavering beast is trying to rip me apart."

Ami touches her chin. "Does your _reiki_ have to materialize as a sword?" she asks.

Kuwabara stares at Ami.

"If _reiki_ can be fired like bullets and take the shape of a sword," Ami explains, "then it can take other forms as well."

"Oh, you mean like a cane?" asks Kuwabara, leaning on his _reiken_ with a grin. "Or maybe you want me to be like Kurama," he quips, changing his _reiken_ to the shape of a rose.

Ami gasps, astonished.

"'Rose Whip'!" says Kuwabara, mimicking Kurama's voice as he extends his _reiki_ rose into a whip and clumsily swings it around.

Ami ducks as Kuwabara's _reiki_ "whip" tears through the air.

Kuwabara, drained, drops to the ground. "Yeah...that takes too much energy out of me," he says.

Kurama rushes to Kuwabara and Ami. "That's an interesting technique to refine, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," he says. "Have you finished your reading?"

"No," says Kuwabara. "Didn't even start. I don't see the reason for reading the book when our fucking lives are at stake, Kurama."

"I can't help you until you do," says Kurama.

"I don't understand why," says Kuwabara.

"A dog won't obey its master if its needs aren't met," says Kurama.

Kuwabara stares at Kurama.

"You're being stubborn, Minamino _-kun_ ," says Ami.

"No, I'm pointing out a fact. I told Kuwabara _-kun_ at the outset that I won't hold his hand," says Kurama. "Perhaps you should help him in the matter." Kurama leaves the pair.

Ami picks up the _**Kama Sutra**_. "Surely it can't hurt to read it for a moment," she says. "It takes time for your _reiki_ to return to full strength, anyway." Ami sits next to Kuwabara and opens the book.

Kuwabara sits up, then pulls himself close to Ami to read along with her.

"The... _ **Kama Sutra**_!?" Ami balks, throwing the book away from her as though it were on fire as she blushes furiously.

"You wanted us to read it, Ami _-san_ ," Kuwabara says, smiling.

"I know of its reputation," says Ami as she retrieves the _**Kama Sutra**_. "I should have an open mind. Perhaps it has martial arts techniques." She sits down and reopens the book.

"No, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara. "That book is one of the reasons India's population is so high."

"How do you know?" asks Ami curtly. "Have you already read this book?"

"I've heard about its reputation, too," says Kuwabara. "Kurama isn't trying to be subtle at all."

"I see," says Ami. She closes the _**Kama Sutra**_.

Kuwabara touches Ami's hair, brushing a few stray strands of hair from her forehead. "I suppose you'll never tell me the real reason you cut your hair," he says.

Ami sighs.

Kuwabara looks into Ami's eyes.

"Do you think I'm pretty?" Ami asks.

"I don't think such nonsense," says Kuwabara, scowling.

Shocked, Ami starts to rise to her feet.

Kuwabara grips Ami's wrist and pulls her back down. "I know you're beautiful, Ami _-san_ ," he says. "What's there to even think about?"

"I don't know," says Ami, locking eyes with Kuwabara.

"I want..." says Kuwabara, kissing Ami on her forehead, "to make sure you don't worry about me."

"As long as you don't worry about me," Ami smirks. "I have friends to watch my back."

"And I have a nutcase trying to bludgeon me with India's national sex manual," scoffs Kuwabara.

* * *

Kuwabara hands Kurama the _**Kama Sutra**_.

"Please don't lie to me, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," Kurama sighs. "I know you didn't demonstrate anything."

"I won't 'demonstrate' shit with anyone without protection," says Kuwabara, "so if you expect us to go at each other, I need the proper equipment."

"Kuwabara _-kun_ : are you offering yourself to me?" Kurama teases.

Kuwabara punches Kurama. "You know who the hell I meant!" he spits.

Kurama chuckles, rubbing his jaw. "We both do," he says, "but you must say so."

"No," counters Kuwabara, "I must train. It doesn't matter how much I want Ami-how I want to lose myself in her," he continues, glaring at Kurama. "If I don't survive this fucking tournament, I'll never get that chance."

"Then you should set your scruples aside and take the opportunity you have now, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kurama. "You may not survive tomorrow, let alone the tournament."

Ami studies Kuwabara and Kurama as they continue to argue.

Luna approaches Ami. She starts to speak, but winces, noting Ami's forlorn expression; Luna silently walks away, towards a forest.

Ami glimpses Luna's departing form, standing in worry. "Luna," she cries, "don't go in there!" Ami chases after Luna, starting to enter the forest.

Kuwabara, noting Ami's behavior, runs after Ami; he catches up to Ami and stops her from entering.

"That forest is dangerous," says Ami.

"I know," says Kuwabara. "You'll get lost very easily if you don't have a strong sense of direction."

"I have to save Luna," says Ami.

"I'll go," counters Kuwabara. He kisses Ami briefly. "If you want to risk your life needlessly," Kuwabara adds after breaking the kiss, "then pick a fight with Kurama. I can find Luna." He enters the forest.

Scowling, Ami transforms into Sailor Mercury, then starts to enter the forest, but trips...

...as Kurama had snared her ankle with the grass.

"Minamino _-kun_..." Mercury glowers.

"I am perfectly capable, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Kurama, wearing a thin smile, "of picking my own fights."

"I...don't like you at all, Minamino _-kun_ ," says Mercury, sullen, freeing herself from the grass.

"That is a given," says Kurama. "So: come at me, from wherever you like."

Mercury and Kurama size each other up, Mercury glaring at Kurama with an expression of pain and anger.

* * *

"I don't understand," says Luna. "Why would you bother to retrieve the silly creature who placed your loved one in peril?"

"That is who I am, _koneko-sensei_ ," says Kuwabara. "Kuwabara Kazuma: the man who does counterintuitive things."

Luna blinks.

"Besides," Kuwabara continues, "I like cats. Beautiful, independent, conceited little predators who like food and tummy rubs."

"A sign of sanity as far as I'm concerned," says Luna. "Even dogs like tummy rubs."

Kuwabara pets Luna's head. "I don't blame you, Luna _-san_ ," he sighs. "I want to," he continues, frowning, "but that is unreasonable-especially when you've done your best to help a small gang of teenage girls fend off the machinations of demigods."

"It's true," says Luna. "The _shitennou_ were powerful opponents. For us to have outlived three of them is remarkable...given how quickly they had vanquished the Moon Kingdom before."

"The most powerful of the four of them," says Kuwabara, "is fueled with anger and grief, and those women will have to deal with that."

"Would you and your cohorts consider switching places with them?" asks Luna sardonically.

Kuwabara gives Luna a rueful smirk. "My daily temptation," he says, "is to drag Ami _-san_ off so that we could commit lovers' suicide."

"That's...absurd," says Luna, disturbed.

"It's romantic!" Kuwabara grins. "We die together, and in the fullness of time, we are reunited in another time and place," he continues, "in a world without monsters."

"There's an allure to that fantasy, I suppose..." muses Luna.

"Not much of one," says Kuwabara. "At the end of the day, I'm actually rather fond of monsters...seeing as they're rightly more afraid of me than I could have ever have been of them. And also," he continues, "I want to be with Ami _-san_ here and now. Killing myself and taking her with me, only to leave our souls' eternal destinies up to the whims of fate...would be a stupid thing to do."

Luna studies Kuwabara.

"And if I'm going to die stupidly," continues Kuwabara, "I'd rather my death serve a better purpose, where at least I can protect the people I love."

"I see," says Luna.

"Except the joke is," says Kuwabara, "that the person I love the most...is risking her beautiful and worthwhile life to save the whole world."

"Isn't that the responsible thing to do?" asks Luna.

"Fuck responsibility," spits Kuwabara. "Fuck this sorry world and everything in it. It hasn't given Ami _-san_ a drop of the happiness she rightly deserves."

"Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Luna curtly. "You can't say that: you and Ami are both a part of this world," she continues, "and have your roles in it. Don't you make each other happy?"

"Yes..." says Kuwabara. "Very happy..."

"Then you can't honestly say that the world has given Ami no happiness," says Luna, "if you have made her happy. And you aren't the only one, either," she continues. "You must also consider Usagi."

Kuwabara sighs. "I'm being thoughtless," he says. "Even a bit selfish and petty, I suppose."

"Naturally," says Luna sardonically. "In the end, you're only a teenage boy, no matter how surly you look."

Kuwabara pouts at Luna.

* * *

At a brook near Shiba Middle, Minako curls up next to Saitou.

"None of this," says Minako softly, "had to happen."

"I know," says Saitou. He looks into Minako's eyes.

Minako trembles as she returns his gaze.

"Let's run off together," says Saitou after a moment. "You and me, Aino _-san_."

"You know we can't do that," sighs Minako, punching Saitou's arm. "Neither of us have the temperaments for that."

"True," says Saitou, "but I'd be willing to fake it until it sticks."

Minako blinks.

"Give me a reason to turn my back on her," continues Saitou, glowering, "and live out my life as I see fit. Give me the excuse, Minako: set me free."

"That power," says Minako, "is in your own hands."

Saitou scowls.

"You can literally walk away from this," continues Minako. "But for your jaundiced sense of duty, you would."

"I want to be with you, my lovely golden-haired fool," says Saitou.

"And you want to grant a final service to that witch," counters Minako, "even though you owe her nothing. That's the easy path," she adds, "which I refuse to let you take. You must make the choice, Kunzite _-ousama_."

"You are so severe, Venus _-taishou_ ," says Saitou. "So be it. I expect to die when the time comes," he continues, "and I am determined to take you and your comrades with me." Saitou kisses Minako.

Minako breaks the kiss. "We won't make that easy for you," she says, "but for now..." continues Minako, unbuttoning Saitou's jacket, "...let the two of us be Minako and Saitou." She resumes the kiss with Saitou.

Saitou lowers himself and Minako down to the grass as they continue kissing.

* * *

At Yusuke's apartment, Kuwabara takes a can of _Sapporo_ beer out of a cooler and opens it.

"Why are you drinking?" wonders Yusuke. "I'm a rotten delinquent," he continues, pulling out a can of beer, "so I'm expected to break rules."

Kuwabara grins. "I'm a delinquent too, if you recall, Urameshi," he says. "Besides," he adds, "isn't this our last night before we get our asses kicked by _yokai_ on some island in the middle of nowhere?"

"Your ass, maybe," snorts Yusuke. "I'll be the one kicking ass as I keep you alive, like always."

"Shut the fuck up and drink, Urameshi," says Kuwabara, drinking his beer.

The two youths continue drinking.

"Did you take care of Mizuno before we left?" asks Yusuke after he finishes his can of beer.

Kuwabara stares at Yusuke.

"She's a great girl," continues Yusuke.

"Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, "can take care of herself."

"Good!" says Yusuke as he cracks open another beer. "You need to have people in your life who don't need you-like me."

Kuwabara snorts at Yusuke.

"Let me finish, dumbass," spits Yusuke. "How long has it been since you could simply be Kuwabara?" he continues.

"I'm always 'Kuwabara'," says Kuwabara.

"The _real_ Kuwabara," says Yusuke, looking into Kuwabara's eyes, "a fucking flawed human being. You don't have to be the tough guy around me because I fucking outclass you," he adds, "and that sets you free."

Kuwabara glares at Yusuke.

"As for Mizuno," Yusuke continues, blithely ignoring Kuwabara, "she doesn't need a white knight to rescue her. Ain't it good," asks Yusuke, "to be friends with equals?"

"What the fuck are you getting at?" asks Kuwabara.

"For so long you've had people looking up to you or looking down on you," says Yusuke. "Mizuno was the only person you've met outside your family who simply sees you, and from the way she looks at you," he grins, "she likes what she sees."

"And what about you?" scoffs Kuwabara.

"It was something Saotome was reading," says Yusuke, "about a couple of strong warriors: Gilgamesh and Enkidu."

" _ **The Epic of Gilgamesh**_ , Urameshi: you cultural illiterate," says Kuwabara. "I suppose you think I'm Gilgamesh?"

Yusuke shakes his head. "You're Enkidu, you pristine asshole," he says. "I'm fucking Gilgamesh."

"From what I've read of the story," says Kuwabara, "Gilgamesh sent a Sumerian prostitute to seduce Enkidu."

"Yeah," grins Yusuke, "and if you don't make your move on Mizuno soon, I'll tie you to your bed and drug Mizuno into fucking your brains out."

"That's presuming that we survive our bout with Team Toguro, doesn't it?" says Kuwabara.

"We'll make it, Kuwabara," says Yusuke. "That way, you and I can have a double wedding with Keiko and Mizuno."

"What would Yukina _-san_ think?" asks Kuwabara.

"Yukina can take care of her own needs," says Yusuke. "Mizuno saw you first."

Kuwabara chuckles. "Why can't I have them both?" he asks.

"Because you don't know who Yukina's brother is," says Yusuke, snickering, "and if you plan on trying to nudge her into a two-girl harem, I'd hate to see what happens to you when you find out."

Kuwabara stares at Yusuke.

"Besides," Yusuke continues, "Mizuno's more than woman enough for you. Don't be such a greedy bastard."

Kuwabara sputters wordlessly.

"You've already got a pretty girl with nice tits and a soft, perky ass-what more do you need?" asks Yusuke. "What more can a man ask for?"

"Can't a man reach for the brass ring?" wonders Kuwabara.

"I ain't the smartest guy," says Yusuke, "but tell me what sense it makes to struggle for a piece of brass you'll never get, when you're being showered with gold."

Kuwabara chuckles. "It could be fool's gold," he says.

"Then light a fire and raise a stink," grins Yusuke.

Kuwabara stares at Yusuke.

"You sorry bastard: you made me study," says Yusuke. "I must make you suffer for that."


	21. Elixir 14

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #** _ **14**_ : This water is very refreshing.

 _byline_ : Anubis C. Soundwave

"Thank you for dropping us off, Seiji _-san_ ," says Makoto, blushing as she bows to Seiji. Usagi, Ami, Rei, and Minako follow suit.

"It's always my pleasure to help a lady in need," says Seiji.

Yamanouchi, seated on top of Nasuti's SUV, scowls as he studies the five girls.

Kuroda joins Yamanouchi atop the vehicle. "What is troubling you, old comrade?" he asks.

"The same damned dream," spits Yamanouchi, watching as Makoto leaves with her friends.

"The absurd recurring one where my _kunoichi_ and her friends are the rulers of a kingdom made of crystals?" asks Kuroda.

"That isn't the problem," says Yamanouchi, grim. "It's what happens beforehand."

Seiji returns to the SUV. "I'm warning you two to enter the vehicle only once," he says as he enters the driver's side.

Kuroda smiles, then grips the handles on the SUV's roof. "An infant is murdered by an armored, red-faced _oni_ , then buried like a seed by Enma _-daiousama_ after being turned into a crystal," says Kuroda. "This seed sprouts into a crystal flower that kills us all."

Seiji drives off.

"Every recurring dream I've ever had," says Yamanouchi soberly, also gripping the SUV roof handles, "has come to pass."

"What about the dream you told me about once," chuckles Kuroda, "that you said you had when you were little?"

"Ah," says Yamanouchi. "The one where there's a six-armed naga _yokai_ attacking Sanada _-sama_ and poisoning the air, after jerking around Yagyu _-sama_ like a puppet." He pulls out his _yoroi_ bead. " _I_ was the monster," he continues, "in that particular dream."

"You were only off by a few centuries," says Kuroda dryly.

"Mock me all you like," says Yamanouchi. "I know what the hell I'm talking about."

"I am not one to doubt premonitions, if presented with compelling evidence that your scenario could occur," says Kuroda. "Neither," he continues, "do I rely on them to govern my life. Why is this bothering you?"

"Because in this recent iteration of my dream, I saw the face of the infant who was slaughtered," says Yamanouchi. He pulls a photo out of his jacket pocket. "The child...looks a great deal like someone we know," he continues, handing the photo to Kuroda.

Kuroda's eye widens; he trembles. "If this is the case," he says, returning the photo to Yamanouchi, "then-if Urameshi _-kun_ survives the Dark Tournament-you must report this to him immediately, and bring this to the attention of other gods with the power to compel Enma _-daiousama_ to stay his hand." 

"What good would any of that do?" snorts Yamanouchi. "The gods are not known for meddling in each other's affairs," he continues ruefully. "They look out for their own."

"Then we must, likewise, look out for our own interests," says Kuroda. "I will not be placed in the untenable position of having to kill my _kunoichi_."

"Who are we to defy the will of the gods?" shrugs Yamanouchi.

"I am Kuroda Jirogorou," says Kuroda. "My very existence is a living obscenity that spits at the mandate of heaven."

Yamanouchi gives Kuroda a quizzical look.

"Summon your courage, Yamanouchi _-kun_ ," continues Kuroda. "The gods are testing you once again," he continues.

"As futile as it is, I can wait for Urameshi," says Yamanouchi. "Or I suppose I could harass Kouma," he continues, "if I could get him to quit avoiding us."

Toshitada lands between Kuroda and Yamanouchi. "At the risk of breaking protocol," he says, "I will warn you that if the two of you do not enter this conveyance immediately, you both shall soon join me." He smirks at the pair of time-displaced samurai.

"It's cramped," mutters Yamanouchi as he slides himself through an open window at the back of the SUV.

Kuroda follows suit. "It also smells of cooked beef, curdled milk, and lard," he says.

"Whoever you're talking to," says Seiji, "I'm glad that person convinced the two of you to remain among the living."

Above the SUV, Toshitada shakes his head. _My nakama,_ he says to himself. _It appears that my business with you,_ he smiles sadly, _is yet unfinished._

* * *

A week passes, as Team Urameshi survives the first leg of the Dark Tournament, defeating three _yokai_ teams in a row.

Hiei and Kurama stand outside Kuwabara's room, the door shut.

"Hn. I didn't expect the idiot to last this long," says Hiei.

"Kuwabara _-kun_ has the perplexing tendency of not doing what is expected of him," says Kurama.

"He could have defeated that first opponent from Rokuyukai," scoffs Hiei, "if he hadn't allowed himself to be distracted."

"True, although in Kuwabara _-kun_ 's defense, he was cheated," says Kurama.

"Given his obnoxious durability," spits Hiei, "Kuwabara should have had the sense to anticipate a reasonable degree of cheating from his opponent."

"Indeed. Also, Kuwabara _-kun_ 's strong sense of justice and compassion can be a liability," he continues, "when we're all in a battle to survive. Even now, I simply don't think he realizes the seriousness of this situation."

"To be fair to the fool," says Hiei, "this tournament is an absurd way to kill an adversary: by granting him the opportunity to strike back."

Kurama sighs. "Let's rest," he says. "This next group, the Uraotogi Team, should be far easier."

"If Kuwabara doesn't let himself get distracted or overconfident," says Hiei. "He can't continue to lean on us." He and Kurama leave.

* * *

Inside his room, Kuwabara sits upright in his bed, waking from sleep in a shocked, cold sweat.

He looks around, seeing only an inky darkness around his bed. "Where the fuck am I?" he hisses. "This isn't my bedroom at the Kubikukuri Hotel."

"No," says a feminine voice. "It isn't...Kuwabara Kazuma..."

Kuwabara sighs, recognizing a familiar dark energy. "You must be one of Sanjouin's old flames," he says with a smirk, "or maybe you're some bitch that Saitou _-sempai_ jilted. Is that why you killed his man Hanataro _-sempai_ -who you called Zoisite?"

"It is true...that I killed Zoisite," says the voice.

"Would you mind coming out of the shadows and telling me what you want with me?" asks Kuwabara, slipping out of his bed. "I'm trying to rest for a fight tomorrow."

A figure emerges from the shadows, revealing herself as a tall, pale-skinned beauty with blood-red hair. "Why concern yourself with these small matters, Kazuma?" she asks.

Kuwabara stares at her. "Who are you," he asks, "and why the fuck should I care?"

"I will forgive your insolence," says the woman, "for I am Beryl, queen of the Dark Kingdom."

"Ah!" crows Kuwabara. "Let me guess, Beryl _-sama_ ," he continues dryly. "You're short on lieutenants to boss around and bitch at because you killed two of them and set the other one up for failure, so you're trying to recruit me?"

Beryl narrows her eyes at Kuwabara.

"I'll save you your time and breath, you wretched cunt," spits Kuwabara. "I despise people like you, and want nothing to do with them. A shame, really."

"It is indeed a pity," says Beryl coolly, "that you are too much of a hot-blooded fool to see reason."

"Reason!?" snorts Kuwabara. "Bitch, if you _were_ a more reasonable and pragmatic villain," he continues, "then I might have had a harder time making my decision, because up until you killed Zoisite for the crime of trying to accomplish your fucked-up goals and eliminate an enemy, that fellow you call Kunzite was really swinging for the bleachers on your behalf."

Beryl raises an eyebrow.

"Those four wicked cocksuckers," says Kuwabara, a thin and rueful smile on his face. "As evil as they are, I actually have sympathy for them. They all worked their asses off for you: tormenting and manipulating the hearts of the innocent, draining people of their energy, and trying to locate magical crystals; yet all you can think to do, when they inevitably fail against opponents who rise to stop them-because no one on Earth is going to put up with that bullshit," he continues, "is to kill them...rather than do the fairer and far simpler thing: get off your sorry ass and do the shit you want done yourself if you're so fucking powerful."

"You dare!" seethes Beryl.

"Yeah, I dare," says Kuwabara. "You don't impress me, and considering your lethal turnover rate, I'd be a fucking idiot to take you up on your offer."

Beryl studies Kuwabara. "I take it then," she says, "that you have chosen to side with the _senshi_."

"I believe my chances of living are far stronger with five beautiful and charming women," says Kuwabara with a grin, "who are going to beat the shit out of you themselves."

"Doubtful," says Beryl, smirking as she causes four mystical screens to appear.

Kuwabara stares at the screens, horrified; he winces in despair as he sees Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, and Venus die. He extends his hand towards the screen with Mercury.

"Now do you realize who you are trifling with?" asks Beryl. "Behold: the _senshi_ have suffered the fate of all who defy me," she continues, "especially that one who is dear to you."

Kuwabara clutches his chest, fighting back tears as he glowers at Beryl. "You heartless bitch..." he hisses.

Beryl laughs as she summons a fifth screen. "There is more!" she crows as the fifth screen depicts a battle between Sailor Moon and Kunzite. "For Kunzite himself will dispatch Sailor Moon, and then the earth will be-what!?"

Kuwabara stares at the screen along with Beryl, Beryl's eyes wide with disbelief. On the screen, Kunzite dies, impaled with his own energy boomerang.

"Impossible!" sputters Beryl. "Kunzite should not have failed so utterly-he is more than a match for the likes of her!"

Kuwabara grins, then snickers, then laughs raucously. "True enough," he says. "Saitou _-sempai_ was loyal to you until the end, the poor bastard. He even had the decency to die at the hand of his enemy-to let you save face and spare you further embarrasment," continues Kuwabara.

Beryl glares at Kuwabara.

"What!? You thought he was going to continue to go all-out for you, you incompetent bitch?" Kuwabara sneers.

Beryl backhands Kuwabara.

Kuwabara rubs his cheek. "Even your backhand is shit. I've known ten-year old girls who could hit harder than you," he snorts.

"You are beginning to annoy me," says Beryl.

"And you've made the fatal mistake of pissing me off," spits Kuwabara, summoning his _reiken_. "I'm not in the habit of fighting women, not even detestable ones like you," he continues as he levels his sword, prepared to strike, "but you killed a dear friend of mine, and I intend to avenge her."

"Intentions are sweet, boy," counters Beryl. "But your sword of energy-indeed, all of your energy and your very soul-will bend to the will of the Dark Kingdom." 

"Shut the fuck up!" snarls Kuwabara, charging at Beryl with his _reiken_ drawn.

Endymion suddenly appears in front of Beryl to defend her, his own sword drawn.

Undeterred, Kuwabara bends his _reiken_ around Endymion and strikes Beryl, cutting her cheek.

Beryl trembles, furious as she clutches her cheek. "Beat him!" she orders.

Endymion nods.

"Such a lack of talent, Beryl _-sama_ ," says Kuwabara, "trying to use Chiba as a human shield."

"The one you know as Chiba Mamoru is no more," says Beryl. "There is only Prince Endymion, my faithful servant."

"Somehow, Chiba," grins Kuwabara as he fends off Endymion's attacks and ignores Beryl, "I don't think you would have chosen to serve this stupid bitch."

Endymion silently swings his blade, which Kuwabara narrowly dodges.

"Isn't this shit fucked up!?" Kuwabara balks. "Chiba, if you're the prince, shouldn't you be rescuing the princess: that girl you said gave you the strongest and earliest memory you have?" he asks, trying to reason with Endymion.

Endymion slowly brings his attack to a halt, studying Kuwabara.

"At this rate, if you don't fight off that woman's influence," Kuwabara continues, "Tsukino _-san_ will have to rescue you."

Endymion's eyes widen as they brighten with a glimmer of recognition.

"No, Endymion," hisses Beryl, her eyes glowing. "Do not heed the boy's lies. Your only duty, your only desire, is to serve me."

Endymion grimaces briefly as his eyes darken; he then scowls at Kuwabara and resumes his fierce attack.

Kuwabara summons a second _reiken_ ; he clumsily parries with Endymion as he attempts to attack Beryl.

"Your tenacity is admirable," says Beryl, "but ultimately pointless. I will bring your pitiful resistance to an end...now!" Beryl directs forks of blood-red energy at Kuwabara, forcing him to disperse his two _reiken_.

Kuwabara struggles to remain standing, spitting at Beryl. Endymion stares blankly at the spectacle.

"Kneel before me, Kazuma," cries Beryl, "and swear fealty to the Dark Kingdom!"

Kuwabara snickers even as he endures the searing pain of Beryl's assault. "I won't...kneel...to a puppet..." he chokes.

"What are you babbling about, you fool?" spits Beryl.

"You've been jerked around for so long that you don't even realize it," grins Kuwabara, blood trickling down his chin, "but you're just a wretched little finger puppet-like all the others..."

"You mock me!?" shrieks Beryl, increasing the strength of her attack.

"You are only worthy...of mockery..." says Kuwabara. "You toyed with those four men..." he continues, "not even aware that you yourself are...just a toy to...that formless thing behind your power..."

Beryl pauses a moment, studying Kuwabara. "You refer to Metallia," she says soberly. "You can sense her."

"Yeah..." says Kuwabara, smirking. "And 'Metallia' is just a small part...of something nasty...and really old...that's...stretching everywhere..."

"You will not distract me with nonsense," spits Beryl. "If you will not bend to my will," she continues as she unleashes a different attack, "then I will take your rich energy."

Kuwabara screams as he collapses to his hands and knees from the pain.

"Know as you die, Kuwabara Kazuma," says Beryl, "that all of your power will be made to serve Metallia and the Dark Kingdom!"

"I have some more energy for you," says a voice.

"Who speaks?" says Beryl, continuing to drain Kuwabara of his energy.

Genkai emerges from the shadows. "An old woman trying to sleep, but couldn't due to the noisy racket that boy you're trying to kill is making. Try me," she smirks, "and tell me if you like it." She fires a _reihadou_ from each of her hands and strikes Beryl, knocking her away from Kuwabara.

Beryl struggles to regain her footing. "What is to stop me from draining both of your energies, woman?" she scoffs.

Kuwabara snickers, then falls unconscious.

Genkai smiles gently...kicks Endymion in the head to knock out the youth, then in a flash appears in front of Beryl and relentlessly pummels the dark queen with her fists.

Beryl crumples to the ground, writhing in pain.

"Hn. You're stronger than you look, I'll grant you that. Then again," says Genkai as she picks up Kuwabara and pulls the unconscious youth to his feet, "I'm an old bitch. I'll take this lummox back with me, and you won't fuck with us anymore." Genkai trudges off, half-dragging Kuwabara away with her.

After a moment, Beryl slowly rises to her feet. "After I kill Sailor Moon," she seethes, "that withered wretch will be the next to die."

* * *

"Kuwabara," says Genkai quietly as Kuwabara glares down at the carpet in his room, fuming. "You're refusing to take this seriously."

"Genkai _-shihan_ ," says Kuwabara. "I have already been thoroughly lectured and admonished about my stupidity against Team Uraotogi. And Team Rokuyukai. And Team Ichigaki. 'Kuwabara, you fool' seems to be Hiei's litany of choice."

Genkai remains silent.

"I wish everyone would knock it the fuck off!" Kuwabara seethes. "Unlike the rest of you, who are: _yokai_ who have had to fight to survive their whole lives, decrepit martial artists who have been training to fight people with their spiritual power their whole lives, or fucking Urameshi-the bastard who gets his own damned category..." he continues, "I am just an ordinary asshole off the street with powers he doesn't understand."

"Do you expect me to express sympathy?" asks Genkai.

"No," snorts Kuwabara, "I don't expect any of you to give a shit about any matter outside your narrow spheres of experience."

"Our lives are at stake, Kuwabara," says Genkai. "It is your experience which has narrowed."

"No; I recognize that," counters Kuwabara. "If I don't perform well, my family and friends will all die-right along with me, at the hands of an angry mob baying for my blood for the crime of being human: which, admittedly," Kuwabara continues with a dark grin, "is a pretty damnable offense at times."

Genkai strips to her underwear.

Kuwabara stares at Genkai, confused.

"Oh," says Genkai, "you're wondering what I'm doing?"

Kuwabara nods.

Genkai drops to her knees and prostrates herself before Kuwabara. "Please," she says meekly, "do as you like with this unworthy one."

"Genkai _-shihan_ ," wonders Kuwabara, "what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Punish me," says Genkai, "and let me bear the sins of this world, so that you will relent, and fight for us."

"One," says Kuwabara balefully, "you are hardly Jesus Christ, who was tortured and crucified by members of the Roman Praetorian Guard according to the _**Bible's**_ account. Two," he continues, "I've already admitted that I fucked up these fights-you don't have to be so melodramatic to belabor the point."

"No," counters Genkai, crawling over to Kuwabara and leaning against his knees, "we must atone for our sins, Kuwabara. We took you away from the woman you love."

"Genkai _-shihan_ ," snorts Kuwabara, "there's nothing to forgive. Ami _-san_ and her friends died bravely, fighting against their enemies. There's no one to blame for that!"

"Indulge an old woman's whims," says Genkai, smiling impishly. "I am not so withered," she continues, "that I can't grant a young, inexperienced ass like you a degree of pleasure."

"W-what the fuck!?" balks Kuwabara.

"You think I can't do anything?" snickers Genkai.

"I don't doubt that you can," scoffs Kuwabara, blushing furiously, "because you aged people have strong memories of your faded youth, but I'm not interested."

"Please," says Genkai, climbing onto Kuwabara's lap, "give me a moment, so that I can make you forget about Ami _-san_."

"No, thank you," says Kuwabara, gently pushing himself away from Genkai. "I have no need for that. Besides," continues Kuwabara, "how could I ever hate you, when you have twice saved my life?"

Genkai sighs, then stands. "What will it take, Kuwabara," she asks sternly, "for you to forgive us, and this world?"

"Forgive?" wonders Kuwabara. "There's nothing to forgive."

"Kuwabara," counters Genkai, "you don't take matters seriously, and that's because this world hasn't taken you seriously: it's treated you like a living joke."

"No," scowls Kuwabara, "it only seems that way because I don't take myself seriously."

"Why should you," asks Genkai, "when stupid people who don't know better don't take you seriously? The issue at hand, however, is that I'm someone who does know better than to trifle with you," she continues, "so I will only say one thing."

Kuwabara studies Genkai.

"No amount of good works and noble deeds, no amount of hard work and perseverance," says Genkai, locking her eyes onto Kuwabara, "will ever return your mother to you."

Kuwabara trembles.

"So don't bother with being virtuous, cheerful, and kind: none of that shit matters," Genkai continues. "Be yourself, and forgive us if you want, or hate us if you want: just quit fucking around with our lives."

Kuwabara shakes his head in disbelief.

"I don't give a fuck about anything else but winning this damned tournament," spits Genkai, hard and unrelenting, "because at the end of the day, nothing else matters if we lose." She picks up her clothing and leaves Kuwabara's room.

Kuwabara glowers at the ceiling. "That woman has a way of hitting someone without even throwing a punch," he mutters after a moment.

* * *

A few weeks later, the Dark Tournament ends; Team Urameshi, victorious yet subdued, leaves for home aboard a cruise liner.

Yukina enters Kuwabara's cabin, bringing Kuwabara a glass of ice water. "Kazuma _-san_ ," she says, handing Kuwabara the water, "I thought you'd be thirsty."

Kuwabara, sitting in his bed, accepts the water; he licks his lips as he stares at Yukina. "T-thank you...Yukina _-san_ ," he says. "This will suffice."

Yukina studies Kuwabara a moment, then sits next to him on the bed.

Kuwabara drinks some of the water. "Yukina _-san_ ," he says. "I'm more thirsty than you realize. This water is very refreshing," Kuwabara adds with a grin.

Yukina sighs. "Are you feeling lonely, Kazuma _-san_?" she asks after a moment, leaning on Kuwabara's shoulder.

Kuwabara blushes briefly, looking over Yukina. "I cannot ask you, Yukina _-san_ ," he says quietly, "for any more than this." Kuwabara drinks the rest of the water.

Yukina gives Kuwabara a puzzled expression.

"I've...lost a bit too much," Kuwabara continues, his tone quiet yet bitter. "I can't ask you to replenish it," he adds. "It would be too much for you."

"To bring you a glass of water?" asks Yukina.

"To _be_ my glass of water," says Kuwabara, a gentle, despondent smile on his face.

"You're not quite making sense, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Yukina.

"What do you see when you look at me right now?" asks Kuwabara.

Yukina touches her chin. "A plant," she says, "that's wilting from lack of water."

Kuwabara nods.

"And you're saying that I can't give you the water you need," Yukina continues.

"I can't let you give that to me," says Kuwabara.

"Huh?" wonders Yukina.

"I'm like one of Kurama's Makai plants," says Kuwabara, a stony scowl on his face. "I'll drink, and drink, and drink from you: never letting you go until I suck you dry."

"Ah," says Yukina. "Would you say the same of Mizuno _-san_?" she asks.

Kuwabara grins, touching Yukina's nose. "You're saying that because of her name?" he asks.

"That must be it," says Yukina. "You're very lively when you talk about her."

"When it comes to Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, "I would gorge myself on her until I burst, and die happily. That woman," he continues, "was a wellspring that never ran dry."

"But...she isn't here anymore," says Yukina, understanding in her eyes.

"And it would be wrong," says Kuwabara, "for me to ask you to take her place."

"I...think I see, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Yukina. She rises from her perch on the bed. "Please rest well."

"Thank you for listening, Yukina _-san_ ," says Kuwabara.

Yukina smiles, nodding at Kuwabara, then leaves Kuwabara's cabin.

* * *

A week later, Kuwabara sets a vase with a pair of single-stem roses onto the warehouse roof, in front of a photo of Saitou holding Hanataro.

" _Sempai_ ," says Kuwabara, praying, "I've heard from Tsukino _-san_ that the bitch Beryl is dead, so you can rest a little easier knowing that you have your revenge."

Kuwabara walks away from the vase, only to meet Yusuke and Ken atop the roof.

"Why, exactly, are you mourning Kunzite?" asks Ken. "He tried to turn you against your friends, and wanted to use you as a tool to destroy the world."

"I know," says Kuwabara. "I knew all along. I just didn't care."

Ken stares at Kuwabara, confused.

"Kunzite-Saitou _-sempai..._ it didn't matter," continues Kuwabara. "When you're dying of thirst, even poison can be refreshing."

Yusuke grins. "Nobody ever told you that you had to be a pillar of strength and moral rectitude, dumbass," he says. "You imposed that crap onto yourself."

"Urameshi," says Kuwabara, a sad expression in his eyes, "I used to envy you. But now," he continues, "I don't begrudge you Genkai _-shihan's_ return anymore. The pain I feel: I don't want you to understand it." Kuwabara leaves the roof.

"I don't get it," says Ken, scowling. "He ain't making sense."

"I think I've got an idea," says Yusuke. "I know I felt like shit when Toguro killed _Baa-san_. And when I thought that the same bastard had killed Kuwabara..." Yusuke trembles. "I...something snapped inside me."

"Yeah," sighs Ken. "Even so, Kuwabara smells like he's ready to write a death poem."

"Ah," says Yusuke. "Kuwabara is a jackass like that. Then again, this world doesn't give a shit about him, as far as he's concerned."

"The world doesn't have to care," says Ken.

"It took away everything that ever mattered to him," says Yusuke. "Why should he give a fuck about the world?"

Ken rolls his eyes.

"Mizuno was Kuwabara's consolation," says Yusuke, "his hard-earned prize for putting up with this stupid world and its bullshit, and the world yanked her away. Kuwabara's a graceful loser," he continues, "but he hates being cheated above all else." Yusuke leaves.

* * *

In his office at Reikai, Koenma: in his teenage form, nurses his pacifier as he closes a manila folder; he studies Ami, Minako, Mamoru, Rei, and Makoto.

"For the record, everyone," he says after a moment, irritated, "I hate it when some human develops causality-altering powers. It really makes record-keeping complicated, you understand," he continues.

"I don't understand what you're talking about," says Makoto.

"The five of you have basically been revived by Tsukino Usagi," explains Koenma. "When you return to Ningenkai," he continues, "you will lose all memory of this meeting. In fact, the five of you will lose all memory of the events that happened in your lives after you each met Usagi."

"Why?" wonders Rei. "Genkai _-shihan_ is being revived as well."

"Those are the stipulations of Usagi's wish on the _ginzuishou_ ," says Koenma. "She wants the lot of you, along with herself, to lead normal lives."

Minako sighs. "Koenma _-sama_ ," she says soberly. "That is not a luxury I can accept."

The other three girls stare at Minako, wondering at her cool, businesslike tone.

"As captain of the Lunar Imperial Guard," Minako continues, "I must have complete awareness, to ensure no other forces can threaten my princess...no, my queen."

"Also," adds Ami, "Minako has been at this business the longest of us."

"She regained her powers before Usagi did," continues Rei.

"Along with my memories," says Minako.

"Yet you didn't know Higashi _-kun_ and Kunzite were the same individual," teases Ami, "in spite of the fact that Kunzite's entire disguise was basically his hat."

"Oh, shut up," pouts Minako. "You still should have told me before he visited my home."

"Not only that," says Rei, poking Ami's arm, "but you were just as fooled."

"To be fair," says Ami, briefly sticking out her tongue, "Kunzite's behavior and manner as 'Saitou' was completely unlike Kunzite himself."

Minako sighs. "You never knew him on a personal level," she says, "so all that you can recall of him is the serious, intense soldier. And any jokes about me knowing him too well," Minako adds with a smirk, "will be met with severe reprisals."

"...you're no fun," pouts Makoto.

Mamoru is quiet.

"All of my memories...from before I met Usagi...?" asks Ami after a moment. "Are they intact...?"

"Yes," says Koenma, smiling. "All of your happy childhood memories with Kuwabara and his friends will remain."

"I...see..." says Ami, a subdued frown on her face as she absently touches her hair.

Minako briefly glares at Koenma, then places a hand on Ami's shoulder. "Your memories won't really be lost or erased," she says, "just suppressed. It's basically excess information you four don't need right now to live your lives."

Koenma nods. "If-though this is unlikely-you _senshi_ are needed once again to perform your duties," he says, "Luna and Artemis will be able to unlock your memories, as they once unlocked your powers."

"Do I have any say in this?" asks Mamoru curtly.

"Are you the reincarnation of a captain of a royal guard?" asks Koenma.

"No," says Mamoru, sullen, "I'm only the prince...no, the king, of the Earth. Are you trying to say that my will is irrelevant?"

"I don't understand," says Koenma.

"Every lasting memory I have starts with Usagi," says Mamoru, trembling. "If my memories are reset to where they were before Usagi," he continues, "then I'll be a blank slate: I won't remember any of my friends. I might not even remember my own name."

Koenma briefly studies a manila folder. "Yes...your amnesia from that accident of yours makes this complicated," he muses.

"I don't want to forget Usagi," says Mamoru, resolute. "I will never forget Usagi," he continues, "or be made to let go of her ever again."

"With all due respect, Your Majesty," says Koenma flatly, "the matter is out of your hands and mine: the stipulations are clear."

Mamoru drops to his haunches. "Usako is the woman I love," he mutters, "and I will allow nothing to separate us."

Koenma rolls his eyes. "In any event," he says, rubber-stamping documents, "please return to your lives."

The four girls and Mamoru vanish from Koenma's office.

* * *

Two weeks pass.

Outside Juuban Middle during lunch, Ami leads Kuwabara to a secluded area.

"I take it you like to study here, Ami _-san_ ," grins Kuwabara.

Ami nods.

Kuwabara unbuttons and removes his school jacket, then sets it on the grass. "Are we alone?" he asks.

"Yes," says Ami. She starts to sit on the grass, but Kuwabara takes her hand and pulls her toward his jacket.

"I don't want you to mess up your uniform," says Kuwabara.

Ami sits on the jacket. "Thank you, Kazuma _-san_ ," she says. Ami opens a book and begins reading.

Kuwabara gazes at Ami a moment, then sits next to her.

Ami trembles, glancing at Kuwabara as she reads; she unconsciously moistens her lips.

 _What would happen if I licked her ear,_ wonders Kuwabara silently as he looks over Ami, o _r kissed her neck right where her pulse is...? Would she like it,_ he continues, _or would she slap me?_

Ami shakes her head, her mind and body nervous. "The words..." she whispers. "I can't concentrate-it's as though they're floating off the page, like butterflies..."

"It's hard to think clearly," says Kuwabara aloud, leaning back onto a tree, "on a lovely spring day."

Ami glances at Kuwabara again, noting the youth's Adam's apple. "Kazuma _-san_ ," she asks, touching the back of Kuwabara's hand, "have you eaten?"

"Yeah," says Kuwabara, looking into Ami's eyes, "but I'm still hungry." He touches Ami's chin, then kisses Ami.

Ami drops her book, then slides her hands beneath Kuwabara's tank top as she returns Kuwabara's kiss.

Kuwabara breaks the kiss, then gently removes Ami's school shirt. "It looks like I may get a few grass stains on your uniform after all, Ami _-san_ ," he says. Kuwabara then kisses Ami's neck.

"I...I don't mind...at all, Kazuma _-san_..." moans Ami. Her hands glide down Kuwabara's back.

Kuwabara undoes the clasp of Ami's bra, then tastes one of Ami's exposed breasts.

"Kazu..." Ami pants as her loins brush against Kuwabara's. "Kazuma..."

Kuwabara's eyes widen, his body wild with lust. He abruptly pulls away from Ami, licks his lips, then kisses her fiercely as he leans back onto the tree.

Ami, savoring the kiss, straddles Kuwabara's waist.

* * *

"Since when are you late to class?" hisses Usagi.

"I was...really getting into a good book," says Ami. "It was so tantalizing," she continues, her cheeks tinged with red, "I couldn't pull myself away."

"Why do I have the feeling that this 'book' of yours wears a Sarayashiki Middle uniform?" Usagi asks cannily.

"I don't know which _josei_ manga gave you such perverse ideas, Usagi," counters Ami curtly, "but you should quit reading them." Ami absently picks a few blades of grass out of her hair.

Usagi rolls her eyes at Ami, then smiles gently as Ami sits at her desk. _It doesn't seem,_ she says to herself, a wistful expression in her eyes, _that anything could keep them apart._


	22. Elixir 15

**ELIXIR OF LIFE** _ **#15**_ : Isn't that the reason you love him the most?

byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

Makoto approaches the steps to her apartment, noting a figure seated on the steps.

As she starts to climb the steps, she gently touches the figure's shoulder, shaking the person.

The person stirs, blinking a moment before staring at Makoto.

Makoto studies the person, recognizing him. "S...seiji _-san_?" she asks, in shock at Seiji's disheveled and haggard appearance.

Seiji stands, then embraces Makoto, trembling.

"Seiji _-san_ ," wonders Makoto, "are you alright?"

Seiji blinks, then breaks the embrace, gripping Makoto's arms. "Why didn't you call me?" he asks hotly, locking his eyes onto Makoto's.

Makoto scowls at Seiji. "I beg your pardon?" she hisses.

Startled, Seiji stares at Makoto.

"Let's try this again," continues Makoto stonily. "First, let go of me, because you're hurting me, Seiji _-san_."

"I...I'm sorry," says Seiji, releasing Makoto.

"Second, please understand that I don't have a car or a portable phone," says Makoto, "so I could not possibly call you-even if I felt the need to do so." 

"Makoto _-san_ , please forgive me," says Seiji, worry and relief in his eyes. "I...hadn't heard from you in a few days," he continues, "and I feared the worst."

Makoto studies Seiji.

"When I dropped you and your friends off on that camping trip," adds Seiji, "that was the last time I saw you." Seiji gently touches Makoto's cheek.

Makoto sniffs the air. "That was no reason for you not to bathe or shower," she says curtly. "You have a key to my house, you know."

Seiji snorts. "Are you treating me like a vagrant?" he asks.

"You look and smell like one, Date Seiji," says Makoto wryly, "so I have no choice."

"I humbly ask your forgiveness for assaulting your delicate nostrils," answers Seiji in kind, touching Makoto's nose; he then sniffs Makoto's neck. "Though I will say that while you certainly smell better than I do," he continues, "you aren't as fresh as you could be yourself."

Makoto blushes as she pulls away from Seiji. "Let's get inside," she says, so that you can shower-and shave. Your face feels like sandpaper."

"As you wish, Makoto _-san_ ," smiles Seiji.

Makoto opens the door; she and Seiji enter her apartment.

* * *

"You're being very weird, Seiji _-san_ ," says Makoto, staring at Seiji.

"What's weird about my suggestion?" asks Seiji, smiling. "I think it's a sensible way to conserve water."

"You know why," fumes Makoto quietly, pouting. "Your proposal makes perfect sense when you're at home," she continues, "where the only people there besides your grandmother and sister are men. But you sharing a shower with me...is awkward. I'm not doing it."

Seiji sighs. "I suppose we should avoid impropriety," he says, "but just humor me. What about a compromise?"

"Where you still get to see me naked?" asks Makoto wryly.

Seiji's eyes twinkle with mischief. "And likewise, I'm naked," he says. "That, in and of itself, doesn't have to lead to anything more than a bath-especially," continues Seiji, "as we'll have separate basins. The only water we'd share together is the tub itself."

"Then this is a test of our hormones versus our conscious will," says Makoto.

"It's a show of mutual trust," says Seiji, "in each other."

"You make it all sound so elegant and benign," smiles Makoto. "I'll do it," she continues, "but you must behave yourself."

"Thank you, Makoto _-san_ ," sighs Seiji.

Makoto shakes her head as she turns her back to Seiji; she trembles slightly as she blushes.

* * *

"Hold still," says Seiji, taking Makoto's washcloth out of her hand. "I don't want you pulling your shoulder."

"Normally," says Makoto, "I just use my shower brush. Then again, normally, I'm not bathing with my weird-acting brother figure."

Seiji chuckles as he wipes Makoto's back. "You can get mine," he says after he finishes. "I used to bathe with my sister when we were little."

"That's just it: you and your sister were _little_. I'm pretty sure you're not doing this with her now," says Makoto as she wipes Seiji's back with his washcloth.

Seiji stands as Makoto finishes with his back, then takes Makoto's hand.

"Is the water right?" asks Makoto.

Seiji dips his hand into the tub of warm water. "It's perfect," he says as he steps into the tub.

Makoto follows Seiji into the tub; she starts to move to the other end of the tub to face Seiji...

...except Seiji pulls Makoto into his arms.

Makoto's eyes widen. "W-what are you doing?" she balks.

"Please forgive me," Seiji whispers into Makoto's ear. "I've...I've missed you. I...I lost you..." he continues, trembling as he gently strokes Makoto's bare back.

Makoto blinks, confused as she blushes from the close contact between her body and Seiji's.

"If it can be helped," mutters Seiji, "I'll never let you go again. I love you...far too much."

Makoto shudders with a mix of fear and delight as Seiji's touch along her back becomes slower, more deliberate. _I...can't let this go on..._ she muses. _If I do, I won't...be able to stop-I won't want to..._

"You smell lovely," whispers Seiji.

"I should hope so, Seiji _-san_ ," smiles Makoto as she gently tries to escape Seiji's embrace. "As we've both just bathed, we both smell nice."

Seiji kisses Makoto's cheek. "So...so lovely," he murmurs.

Makoto shivers, unable to stifle a soft moan.

Seiji touches Makoto's lips. "Let me..." he says, gazing into Makoto's eyes. "Let me...be the first to taste you."

"Seiji-*" begins Makoto...

...only for Seiji to kiss Makoto.

After a moment, Makoto pulls away, breaking the kiss as Seiji releases her from his arms. "We...can't do this..." she pants as she stands.

"I..." says Seiji, also standing. "I need you, Makoto," he continues.

"I wasn't ready to give anyone that, you know," says Makoto, touching her lips.

"I took your first kiss," says Seiji. "I can't apologize for that."

Makoto sighs. "Let's...just get out of here, Seiji-*" she starts, only to feel Seiji's index finger on her lips.

"There's no need," says Seiji, looking into Makoto's eyes, "for the two of us to be anything...except Seiji and Makoto. Not here."

"I...must insist on this," says Makoto stiffly, "Seiji _-san_." She pulls several bath towels out of a closet, then hands Seiji two before she dries herself off.

"I understand...Makoto _-san_ ," says Seiji as he towels himself off.

Makoto exits the bathroom, followed by Seiji...

...just as Minako pulls her head out of the refrigerator, sandwich in hand.

Minako drops the sandwich in shock.

* * *

"Where are my spare clothes?" asks Seiji, inside Makoto's room.

"I'll get you for making fun of me because my friend's here, Seiji _-san_ ," says Makoto. "You know that your clothes are in the guest room." She folds her arms as Seiji-with a teasing grin on his face-steps out of Makoto's room, then enters the guest bedroom.

Minako smiles, sighing blissfully as she admires Seiji.

"Get those thoughts out of your mind," says Makoto.

"What thoughts?" asks Minako whimsically.

"Is disingenuousness a standard trait among Japanese blondes?" asks Makoto.

Minako smirks. "I'll wait until your guest leaves," she says, winking at Makoto.

Makoto shakes her head. "Why did I give you keys to my home?" she groans.

* * *

"Those guys can't be reorganizing," groans Kuwabara, annoyed. "Without Saitou, they have shit for brains."

"Boss, you're not seeing the big picture!" says Kirishima. "We can take charge of Saitou's gang, and no one would fuck with us ever."

"The bastard's all but named you as his successor," adds Okubo, annoyed, "so we're taking advantage of that."

Sawamura snorts. "We know Saitou never liked the three of us," he says, "because he thought we were dragging you down."

"I hope Saitou's watching from hell," adds Kirishima. "We'll pull our own weight and prove him wrong once and for all."

The four delinquents the warehouse: Saitou's former headquarters.

"I'll say this once more," says Kuwabara. "I don't want us to get into a fucking pointless fight!"

"Maybe we think there is a point, Kuwabara," says Okubo.

Kuwabara whistles. "Ah: now if you, Okubo _-kun_ , want to challenge me, Kuwabara _-sama_ ," he says, "for the right to lead these assholes, then that is a worthwhile fight to have."

"To lead them?" spits Okubo, scowling at Kirishima and Sawamura. "Not much of a prize."

Sawamura and Kirishima scowl back at Okubo, offended.

"What the fuck else do you want from me, Keiichi _-chan_?" whispers Kuwabara into Okubo's ear, irritated. "Even if you manage to beat me," he continues, "there are some things in life that aren't mine to give." Kuwabara punctuates the comment with a canny smirk.

"I suppose, Kazuma _-san_ ," sneers Okubo, "that we're different people. Unlike you," he continues, "I'm not _afraid_ to take what I want."

"Okubo, you're not a stupid man," Kuwabara smiles mirthlessly. "Even a thief values his own life."

"Will you two quit speaking in code and just slug it out already!?" spits Sawamura. "I'm sick of this shit!"

"The sad part is that Mizuno _-san_ has a boyfriend-who's not either one of them," adds Kirishima.

"What makes you cock-suckers think this is about Mizuno _-san_!?" demand Kuwabara and Okubo in unison.

"We still remember the fight you two had over her the last time," says Sawamura.

"That was in grade school," mutters Okubo.

"We were stupid kids," adds Kuwabara.

"And now, you're a pair of stupid teenagers," says Sawamura. "At least one of you has a switchblade in his pocket. What's your point?"

"If Okubo wants a piece of me," says Kuwabara, turning his back on the group, "then he's free to come at me, from wherever he likes."

"I'm not the fat asshole," says a delinquent with bright red hair as he punches Kuwabara, "but I happily accept the invitation."

Kuwabara rubs his cheek, confused by the sucker punch, but otherwise unfazed. He glares at his assailant. "Who the fuck are you?" he asks the delinquent.

"That would have been my question," sneers the delinquent, "but I heard from your collective hissy fit that you two goons are Kuwabara Kazuma and Okubo Keiichi. I don't give a fuck about the other two."

"It was tolerable from Okubo," hisses Sawamura, "but now I'm getting pissed off."

"Yeah," mutters Kirishima. "What are we, chopped liver?"

"What I want to know now," continues the delinquent, snapping his fingers, "is why you four and your schoolyard spat over some little bitch named Mizuno are on my turf."

Kuwabara snickers, staring at the delinquent. "If you're trying to take control of Saitou _-sempai's_ territory," he says, "you'll have to throw a stronger fucking punch than that."

"Don't we have the right to fight this asshole now, boss," asks Sawamura, grinning, "presuming his claim is true?"

"Yeah," adds Kirishima, noting a small army of Shiba High delinquents coming out of the shadows. "After all, they responded to him."

" _Saitou-sempai is probably rolling in his grave at D-Point,_ says Kuwabara to himself, _knowing these idiots latched onto this glittering bastard._

"Do we kick these kids' asses, boss?" asks a thug.

"I think those guys have a selective memory, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo, smirking.

"To be fair, Okubo," says Kuwabara, "I had beaten these bastards twice as many times as Urameshi has beaten me, so they have amnesia."

They, Sawamura, and Kirishima snicker at the red-haired delinquent and Saitou's old gang.

"I really don't want to waste my time," continues Kuwabara, shrugging, "but we need to teach this bastard a lesson. Okubo," he adds in a low whisper, "if you want, you can settle business with me after this crap."

"Fair enough, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo.

"By way of greeting," says the delinquent, "I am Crimson Rubeus."

* * *

Rubeus flails sluggishly at Kuwabara, who dodges the punch easily.

"At least you have decent stamina, Rubeus _-chan_ ," says Kuwabara. "This is rather sad, though," he continues, punching out Rubeus, "so I'll end this exercise in futility."

Rubeus staggered back, fell down on his knees, then fell forward in front of Kuwabara.

Kuwabara glares at Saitou's old gang, all of them nursing each other's injuries. "Are you all that fucking sorry without Saitou _-sempai_!?" he demands. "You went from Saitou, the Ice King, to Crimson Shit-stain here?" Kuwabara adds, kicking Rubeus' prone body.

"Watch your mouth!" cries a young woman in purple, firing a burst of purple-black flame...

...who suddenly becomes frozen-along with the flame.

A trio of women appears, looking over the iced-over purple-clad woman.

"Koan _-chan_ is so impulsive," sighs the white-haired woman.

"Please tell her that I'm sorry for roughing up her boyfriend," says Kuwabara, "whenever she thaws out." He, Okubo, Sawamura, and Kirishima start to leave.

"Wait," says a delinquent. "Saitou- _sempai's_ dead, so who froze Cat-Hair Bitch, anyway?"

"I did," says Mercury, appearing from a mysterious mist near Kuwabara and his gang. "I want all of you to leave this area now. Rubeus and those four women are dangerous."

Annoyed, Kuwabara hoists Mercury over his shoulder. "I'll leave with you, Mercury _-san_ ," he says.

"P-put me down!" spits Mercury.

"We're taking you home with us, Sailor _-san_ ," teases Sawamura, peeking under the skirt of Mercury's uniform.

Mercury kicks at Sawamura, who dodges.

Kuwabara grins stupidly. _She's going to kick my ass for this,_ he muses, _but it serves her right for not coming with the rest of the scantily-clad maidens._ He and his gang leave with Mercury.

The delinquents of Saitou's old gang look over the three women-Petz, Calaveras, and Berthier-adolescent lust on their minds.

"You girls looking for a good time...?" asks a ruffian crudely.

Koan, furious, melts the ice with her flames.

Berthier smiles at the ruffian. "I wouldn't consider it if I were you," she says.

"Are...all of you as strong as her?" wonders another thug.

"Stronger," says Petz with a thin smile.

The delinquents look at each other, then flee the warehouse en masse.

* * *

Usagi, as Sailor Moon and Mamoru, as Tuxedo Kamen; gaze at each other a moment.

Mamoru breaks the silence, snickering.

"I don't see the joke," says Usagi.

"Your cheeks were so red," says Mamoru.

Usagi pouts childishly. "So were yours!" she protests.

"I know," says Mamoru, "but we shouldn't have been so surprised. We had almost brought Chibi-usa into the world a thousand years early," he adds with a grin.

Usagi gives Mamoru a thin smile. "Odd, when you remember that we didn't like each other very much at the time," she notes.

"You didn't like me," says Mamoru. "I adored you, Usako. I just had this perverse need to tease you at the time."

Usagi's eyes widen in shock, then she smiles gently. "I know one thing," she says. "Deep down, we both knew-at that time-that..."

Mamoru studies Usagi.

Usagi blushes and trembles as she continues. "The first kiss we shared, that time," she says. "About it being 'practice'. That was a lie, wasn't it?"

"A damned lie," says Mamoru, drawing Usagi into his arms.

Usagi stiffens a moment, then cries in Mamoru's arms. "Why does it have to be like this?" she sobs.

Mamoru rubs Usagi's back gently.

"Why couldn't we just fall in love like normal people?" Usagi spits. "We didn't need past lives or future children...why?" She sobs anew.

"I agree with you, Usagi," says Mamoru.

"You don't think I'm a crybaby?" wonders Usagi, large tears still in her eyes.

"No. Our lives in the here and now are just as-no, more important," says Mamoru, wiping away Usagi's tears.

"How can men be so blunt?" Usagi asks. "Sometimes you and other guys seem so selfish and cold."

"Because we are. Some women-especially ones like you-are all tenderness, light, and warmth," says Mamoru. "I won't deny being a selfish bastard who wants you all to himself."

"Then as a practical matter," says Usagi, "don't you need someplace to keep me?"

Mamoru touches Usagi's chin. "Yes," he says as he looks into Usagi's eyes.

* * *

Makoto climbs up a ladder to the roof of the Date mansion.

Looking up, Seiji sighs, admiring Makoto's form a moment; he then follows her up the ladder to the roof.

Makoto smiles brightly at Seiji as she sits on the rooftop. "This is rather dangerous, when you think about it," she says.

Seiji sits next to her. "We've sat up here together for _matsuri_ for the past four...almost five years now," he says, handing her a _takoyaki_ skewer.

Makoto pops a _takoyaki_ ball into her mouth, attempting to chew it. She winces as she swallows it down. "You...made this yourself, didn't you?" sighs Makoto.

Seiji nods. "It's terrible, isn't it?" he asks. "You don't have to bite your tongue."

"Yeah," says Makoto, placing a hand on Seiji's shoulder, "but you can only get better if you practice. I've had my share of kitchen screwups, you know."

"Your worst dish was your first attempt at _okonomiyaki_ ," says Seiji, "and even that was delicious...if a bit too sweet."

"I had added chocolate by mistake," says Makoto, chuckling. She leans back, looking up at the sky as the fireworks start.

Seiji stares at her.

Makoto notes Seiji's expression. " _Oi_ ," she says, a bit uneasy as she nudges Seiji's arm, "the fireworks are up there."

"I know," says Seiji as he looks up at the sky.

Makoto and Seiji admire the fireworks for several minutes.

Seiji's hand rests on top of Makoto's hand.

Makoto trembles as Seiji draws her close to him. "Your hand...is very warm, Seiji _-san_ ," she says.

Seiji touches Makoto's chin, turning her face to his; he gazes into Makoto's eyes.

"Seiji _-san_...?" wonders Makoto.

"Makoto _-san_ ," breathes Seiji, his words barely above a whisper. "I love you."

"I-I love you too, Seiji _-san_ ," says Makoto. "You're like..." Her voice trails off as Seiji places two fingers gently on her lips.

"Sh..." says Seiji. "I need you to understand," he continues. "I love you, Makoto _-san_...as a man loves a woman."

Makoto blushes. "You...you're not serious," she says.

Seiji blinks.

"What would you want with a silly girl like me?" asks Makoto.

Seiji squares his shoulders. "In addition to liking you as a person and seeking to deepen our friendship," he says, glancing at Makoto's chest, "I want...the same thing that most men want from pretty young ladies." His eyes twinkle with mischief and delight.

Makoto rolls her eyes, placing her hands over Seiji's eyes. "I don't doubt your maleness, Seiji _-san_ ," she says wryly.

"Can't have you thinking I'm above it all," says Seiji, returning Makoto's wry grin. "Surely I meet all of your standards," he continues. "I know I'm not repulsive."

"Seiji _-san_!" Makoto gasps, embarrassed. "You're well-above my standards. Frankly," she continues, pouting, "I'm wondering how the hell I could possibly meet yours."

"Makoto _-san_ ," says Seiji soberly, "you have been the woman I love for...so long. I can't control the fact that I love you this way," he continues, "only how I act on that love." Seiji scowls, his need evident in his eyes.

"Is that why...you pretended to be asleep that night?" asks Makoto. "When I tried to kiss you on the forehead, and you..."

"Yes," says Seiji.

Makoto leaps to her feet. "We-no, you...can't have these feelings!" she says heatedly, panting. "We're brother and sister, remember!?"

"Makoto _-san_ -*" begins Seiji.

"Please, Seiji _-san_ : you promised...!" cries Makoto, tears falling from her eyes.

Seiji rises to his feet; he places his hands on Makoto's shoulders. "You're asking me to live a lie," he says. "Why do that," Seiji asks, "when the truth is so much sweeter...?"

"I...I can't handle the truth," says Makoto, fuming.

Seiji stares at Makoto in shock.

"Why can't you see that I'm just an immature girl!?" Makoto spits.

"Makoto _-san_...?" gasps Seiji, winded.

"I...I won't bother you anymore, Date _-san_ ," says Makoto. She slips down the ladder.

Seiji scowls, glowering at the roof tiles. "Fuck!" he spits after a moment.

* * *

"I don't think _yokai_ ever existed," says Chibi-usa. "You were trying to fool me."

"There's an _ogamiyokai_ attending your mother's school right now," says Kuwabara, annoyed, "who constantly harasses the _inuyokai_ going to my school."

"You're making it all up!" fumes Chibi-usa.

"Right; I'm going to make up crap just to fool one nine-year old time-travelling girl from a thousand years into the future," scoffs Kuwabara. "Chibi-usa _-chan_ , you're not that important."

Chibi-usa folds her arms, pouting with indignation.

"They may have all died off during the Crystal Disaster that predated your century," Kuwabara continues, "but they are real..." Kuwabara trails off, his body tense.

"Prove it to me," says Chibi-usa, leaning into Kuwabara's face. "Show me a _yokai_ - _kyaa_!" Chibi-usa suddenly spits as Kuwabara jerks the girl behind him.

"Some dangerous guys are headed towards us," says Kuwabara, scowling.

Three young men approach Kuwabara and Chibi-usa.

"You're going too far with the _yokai_ business, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Chibi-usa.

"They aren't _yokai_ ," hisses Kuwabara, "but they aren't human either."

"If they aren't people," spits Chibi-usa, pulling away from Kuwabara, "then what are they?"

"A hawk, a tiger, and a fish," says Kuwabara, pointing at the pink-haired man, gold-haired man, and blue-haired man respectively.

"Who is this guy?" snorts the gold-haired man.

"I don't even know why we're here," adds the pink-haired man.

The blue-haired fellow walks up to Kuwabara, touching his face. "...more rough-hewn than my usual type," he says, "but he has fine cheekbones. I'd think he would have incredible dreams."

"With the amount of energy swirling around him," says the gold-haired man, "I think you could be right."

"While we're at it, let's check the little girl," says the pink-haired man. "They always have pretty dreams."

Kuwabara grabs Chibi-usa and runs from the three men.

* * *

Kuwabara, with Chibi-usa, arrives in an alley.

 _We gave them the slip for now,_ says Kuwabara to himself.

"Why did you bring me here!?" demands Chibi-usa.

"Call your mother," says Kuwabara.

"Do you have any idea how much energy it takes to do that?" says Chibi-usa as she pulls out Luna-P.

"No: call Tsukino _-san_ ," says Kuwabara.

"Speaking," grins Chibi-usa.

"The _other_ silly girl with pigtails-who was actually born during this time period," spits Kuwabara.

"I know," says Chibi-usa, pecking Kuwabara on the cheek. "I'm just teasing you. You're so serious all of a sudden." She takes out her communicator to call Usagi.

Kuwabara shakes his head.

"Usagi," says Chibi-usa, "Kuwabara _-san_ asked me to call you."

"You know this line is only for official business," says Usagi over the communicator. "If this is another prank of yours..."

Before Chibi-usa could open her mouth, Kuwabara takes the communicator from the girl. "Chibi-usa _-chan_ wouldn't go through all of that trouble," he says. "She came by her laziness honestly through her mother," he adds with a smirk.

"Why you...!" sputters Usagi.

Rei snatches away Usagi's communicator as Usagi continues to fume in silence. "What is it, Kuwabara _-kun_?" she asks.

"We had three Circus freaks approach us," says Kuwabara over the communicator, "going on about our dreams. I think it has to do with that mirror bullshit."

"What did they look like?" asks Ami.

"There were three guys. One of them I thought was a girl," says Kuwabara, "until he got up close to me and I..." Kuwabara winces, embarrassed. "Let's just say that I saw a soldier standing to attention when he complimented my cheekbones."

"Great," mutters Makoto, "another male crossdresser."

"Where are you now?" asks Rei.

"We left the park and headed into the city," says Kuwabara.

"He's alone with me in an alley!" shrieks Chibi-usa.

Usagi's eyes widen with horror, worried.

"What the fuck am I going to do with her!?" balks Kuwabara, quelling the urge to throttle Chibi-usa.

Ami takes the communicator from Rei. "If Kuwabara _-san_ were going to harm you," she smirks, "he would not bother to let you contact us. Now quit trying to tease him and Usagi."

Usagi takes back her communicator from Ami. "When you get home, I'm going to give you such a spanking!" she spits.

"You can't spank me," grins Chibi-usa. "You're not my mother yet."

"I'll make a note," says Usagi, smiling thinly.

"Chibi-usa's at that age," sighs Minako. "Ah, to be nine again..."

"We can't have her developing a crush on Ami's guy, though," says Makoto.

"It is a marked and welcome improvement over Chibi-usa _-chan's_ previous two crushes," says Ami. "And that fellow is not 'my' guy."

Luna, Artemis, and Diana's ears perk up at Ami's comment. "She could not have said that with a straight face," they snicker in unison.

Rei sighs. "Kuwabara _-kun_ ," she says, "just have Chibi-usa turn on the homing signal. We'll be right there."

"Okay, Hino _-san_ ," says Kuwabara.

"And don't try to fight them," adds Ami.

* * *

Chibi-usa takes the communicator back from Kuwabara, then presses the homing signal...

...just as Kuwabara dodges an attack from the pink-haired man.

"What happens if they try to fight him?" asks Chibi-usa, watching as Kuwabara summons two _reiken_ and hurls curses at the three assailants.

"Become Chibi Moon and protect Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Rei. "We're on our way."

Chibi-usa complies with Rei's order; as Chibi Moon, she attacks the gold-haired man with a yoyo.

"You've read too much _**Sukeban Deka**_ , Chibi _-chan_!" grins Kuwabara.

Chibi makes a face at Kuwabara. "Stand aside and leave this to professionals," she says.

"You are not a professional," says Kuwabara in deadpan. "You are a little girl whose father is crazy for letting you fight in such revealing clothing."

"And what's making you look at me that way, Kuwabara _-san_?" asks Chibi mischeviously.

"I'm _not_ looking at you that way!" spits Kuwabara. "You'd need to have a woman's body first."

"I had a really nice body at one point," says Chibi, blushing, "...though I had a bit of help with that."

"Your time as Black Lady does not count," says Kuwabara, rolling his eyes.

"Quit treating me like a child!" fumes Chibi, stomping on the ground.

"You _are_ a child!" counters Kuwabara.

"While you're so grown-up that you believe in imaginary monsters," says Chibi.

"Yes," scoffs Kuwabara, "my claims are just as outlandish as schoolgirls becoming scantily-clad superheroes-oh, wait! That's just an ordinary day to you!"

"I'm living proof of my claims!" declares Chibi. "Now put up the proof that _yokai_ are real or shut up about them!"

The three men stare at Kuwabara and Chibi a moment.

"We're in danger from those fellows at the moment, Chibi Moon _-san_ ," says Kuwabara quietly, returning his focus to their three opponents. "But I promise you: I will show you that _yokai_ are real. Okay?"

Chibi nods, then prepares to attack the trio...

...except a hand formed from the ground grips her ankle.

Kuwabara spears the hand with a _reiken_ to free Chibi, but is pulled forcibly to the ground, his hands and feet pinned by ground hands.

"Kuwabara _-san_!" gasps Chibi.

"Run!" spits Kuwabara, struggling against the ground hands. He telekinetically fires several _rei shuriken_ at the trio.

Chibi trembles, then obeys Kuwabara's order; the trio dodges and blocks Kuwabara's _rei shuriken_.

* * *

"This guy's pretty stubborn," says the gold-haired man.

"Yeah," adds the pink-haired man. "His dreams would be a perfect place for Pegasus to hide. No one would think to look in here," he continues, compelling Kuwabara's dream mirror from his chest.

"What...what the fuck are you doing..!?" demands Kuwabara as he tries to will his mirror back within him.

"We don't mean any harm," says the blue-haired man, straddling Kuwabara's belly. "We just have to take a peek."

"N-no..." says Kuwabara, tense.

The blue-haired man pokes his head inside Kuwabara's mirror. "Ah! It's lovely!" he coos. "I don't see Pegasus, but he has to be in here..."

"Move over! Let me see!" demands the pink-haired man as he pokes his head inside Kuwabara's mirror alongside the blue-haired man.

"Stop...!" cries Kuwabara, in pain. "Get out!"

"No...I don't see Pegasus either," says the pink-haired man.

"You two aren't looking hard enough," sneers the gold-haired man, also cramming his head into Kuwabara's mirror.

After several minutes of this, Kuwabara breaks free of the ground hands; his body crackling with _reiki_. "Get...the...fuck...out!" he snarls as he physically pulls each one of the trio out of his dream mirror.

"That's...different..." says the gold-haired man, staring at a trembling Kuwabara.

"I think we should just leave..." adds the pink-haired man.

"I can't believe that Pegasus wasn't in there," pouts the blue-haired man.

The trio leaves...

...as the _senshi_ arrive with Chibi.

Kuwabara turns to the _senshi_ with a lost, broken expression on his face, then drops to his knees and collapses to the ground.

* * *

"Is that...?" wonders Jupiter as she and the other _senshi_ stare at the glimmering dream mirror hovering in midair.

"Kuwabara _-kun's_ dream mirror," says Mars. "Whatever _youma_ comes out of that thing will be dangerous," she warned the group.

 _We were too late,_ says Mercury to herself. _Please forgive us, Kazuma-san._

"We'll have to weaken the _youma_ ," says Venus, "so that Sailor Moon can heal it and save Kuwabara _-kun_."

Chibi curls up into a ball. "I didn't mean for this to happen," she mutters. "I should have been more careful."

"If you don't make mistakes," says Moon with a slight smile, "how can you learn?"

Chibi looks up at Moon, amazed.

"Let's work together and save Kuwabara _-san_ , okay?" continues Moon.

Chibi stands up next to Moon; they ready themselves along with the other _senshi_...

...as Kuwabara's mirror darkens, and a monstrous _youma_ appears.

Mars stares at the _youma_ quizzically. "This is easily worse than the giant robot truck," she says.

"What?" wonders Jupiter, Venus, and Chibi.

Moon nods.

"We'll tell you later," says Mars.

"We've never fought anything _kaiju_ -sized," says Jupiter.

"Kuwabara _-san_ says that Urameshi _-san_ could fight anything," says Chibi.

"I have no wish to test that hypothesis," says Mercury, summoning her visor.

* * *

"...yeah; I've almost got it...I'm going to beat this-fuck!" spits Yusuke abruptly as his video game is interrupted by Koenma.

"Yusuke," Koenma says, "I have a case."

"You're just doing this to piss me off at this point," says Yusuke.

"I'm serious," says Koenma. "There's a massive monster with incredible levels of _reiki_ in Tokyo right now," he continues as Koenma's face is replaced on Yusuke's television with a scene of a _kaiju_ and the _senshi_.

Yusuke rolls his eyes. "Are you kidding me!?" he balks, snickering. "Tsukino and her friends got to star as themselves in a _sentai_ series?"

"No," says Koenma, "they're actually fighting that thing, and quite frankly, it's far out of their league. Of course, that would be evident even to the likes of you," he adds.

"To be fair," Yusuke admits, grinning, "that thing did feel like Kuwabara; you know how hard it is for me to take him seriously."

As if in response to Yusuke's barb, the _kaiju_ roars; a bolt of _reiki_ hit Yusuke, who guarded himself in time.

"Ah; that's Kuwabara all right," says Yusuke, shutting off the TV.

"We can't afford to have Kuwabara rampaging through the city," says Koenma as he appears in Yusuke's room. "I've already dispatched Kurama and Hiei after him."

"And what can any of us do against a _kaiju_?" asked Yusuke.

"More than the National Self-Defense Force, you moron!" spits Koenma. "Now go!"

"Fuck that," counters Yusuke. "I ain't wasting my free time on this."

"It's your _job_ to waste your time on this!" fumes Koenma.

"You need to watch more _kaiju_ films, Diaper _-sama_ ," scoffs Yusuke. "Music soothes the savage beast."

"Kuwabara listens to American thrash metal bands," says Koenma dourly. "None of that crap is soothing."

"You and Kuwabara can both kiss my ass," snorts Yusuke.

"This is your duty, Yusuke!" counters Koenma.

Yusuke shakes his head. "Kuwabara transformed into a _youma_ ," he says. "That's outside Reikai's jurisdiction, and as I'm only authorized to handle Reikai business as a detective," he continues, "the Sailor bitches are on their own."

"Don't you want to save your friend?" asks Koenma dourly.

"Save Kuwabara from the joy of being a kitten _kaiju_?" snickers Yusuke.

"You're still mad about my appropriation of your fee from your unauthorized moonlighting, aren't you?" says Koenma. "That was months ago!"

"If you give me that cash back with interest," grins Yusuke, "then I'll hand Kuwabara his ass again."

"You know what?" pouts Koenma, fuming. "Fuck you." Koenma vanishes.

Yusuke chuckles, then picks up the phone. _Can't have Kuwabara destroy the city-at least not without me,_ he smiles, amused with the whole scenario. He dials a number...

* * *

The _senshi_ face off against the _youma_ at Hikawa Shrine, Jupiter carrying Kuwabara's unconscious form on her back.

"Get...tired already!" spits Moon. "We want to heal you!"

"At least we were able to lead the _youma_ out of the city," says Mars.

Jupiter gently placed Kuwabara's body on the ground. "How much energy does that _youma_ have?" she asks after glancing at Kuwabara.

"I calculate that the amount of energy emitting from this _youma_ could be measured in terajoules," says Mercury.

"Layman's terms, please!" says Venus tersely.

Mercury sighs. "...a lot," she says, dropping to her knees in exhaustion. "You have to consider the source," she adds, looking at Kuwabara's body.

"Wearing him out won't work, then," says Venus. "Mercury's man has far too much stamina," she adds with a devious glint in her eyes.

"As much danger as we're in," spits Mercury at Venus, "how can you even think about that!?"

"You know better than anyone here why I would go on about that, Mercury _-kun_ ," Venus teases.

"Mercury is right," says Moon, frowning.

Venus sighs. "Just trying to invoke a few of the ties that bind," she grins. She fires off a Love Me Chain, ensnaring the youma with a net of chains.

Mercury stands. "I anticipate that the _youma_ will..." she starts, but trails off, flabbergasted as the _youma_ instead curls up into a ball and falls asleep.

"Come on!" spits Jupiter. "We can't be _that_ boring!"

"Shh!" hisses Chibi.

Moon nods, summoning her Moon Sceptre.

The _youma_ suddenly jerks upright, shrugging off the chain-link net.

"The _youma_ was...faking sleep...?" wonders Venus.

"That bastard..." seethes Jupiter. "He's toying with us! Hit him with everything we've got!"

"That definitely won't work," says Mars. "Not if the _youma_ is a distortion of Kuwabara _-kun's_ personality."

"We'd lose that fight," adds Venus.

"Not necessarily," counters Mercury. "If the _youma_ is a distortion of Kuwabara _-san's_ nature," she continues, "then it will want to avoid causing us direct harm. We can use that to our advantage."

"So he's a gentleman _youma_?" scoffs Jupiter.

"Precisely," says Mercury.

"Maybe so," says Chibi, "but he's not going to sit around and let us attack him, eit-!" Chibi abruptly screams as the _youma_ grabs her with an energy tendril...

...along with Moon, Mars, Jupiter, and Venus. The _youma_ opens dimensional portals, then flings its five _senshi_ captives into the portals.

Mercury, trembling, prepares herself to face the _youma_...alone.

* * *

Mercury fires off a Shabon Spray, then flees Hikawa Shrine while the _youma_ searches for her in the mist.

 _He'll figure out my ruse soon,_ says Mercury to herself as she commandeers a bicycle. _I'll have to put as much distance between myself and the youma as possible._

After an exhausting bike ride, Mercury reaches the outskirts of the city, arriving at a hill with a single tree on it.

 _I don't recall a hill being here..._ she muses, climbing the hill. _It's a surprisingly easy climb._

Atop the hill, Mercury sits down at the base of the strange tree. The tree shakes, dropping its fruit into Mercury's lap.

Mercury studies the fruit, confused.

A few fruit-laden tree branches bend towards Mercury, seeming to offer its fruit to her.

Mercury sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm not so facile that I'd fall for such a childish scheme, Kazuma _-san_ ," she admonishes.

The hill, actually the _youma_ , abruptly jerks to its feet.

Mercury falls to the ground-or rather, onto the _youma_ 's back; she clings to its fur to keep herself from plunging to her death on the actual ground below.

The _youma_ keeps itself still as Mercury finds her footing on its back.

Mercury grabs the tree. "You're not playing fair, Kazuma _-san_ ," she says, pouting.

The _youma_ chuckles.

"And you're having way too much fun with this!" Mercury adds, punching the tree. "If you weren't a _colossus_ right now, I'd slap...you..." Mercury's words trail off as she tastes a piece of fruit that fell into her mouth.

The _youma_ gazes at the night sky.

Mercury smiles softly as she walks carefully to the _youma_ 's shoulders, then kneels near the ruff of its neck, eating another piece of fruit.

The _youma_ purrs, contented.

"...you're...so addictive...Kazuma _-san_ ," she says, her skin flush as she nuzzles the _youma_ 's mane. "I...I want more..."

The _youma_ nods, then readies itself for takeoff.

Mercury grips the _youma_ 's mane; the _youma_ ascends into the sky.

* * *

"...so we need to meet back at Hikawa Shrine to help Mercury," says Usagi, talking into her communicator with Mamoru looking over her shoulder. "There's no way she can face that _youma_ alone."

"I'm already on my way," says Rei. "Kuwabara _-kun's_ a pretty sharp fellow, though, to separate us from our transformation pens."

"Hopefully, Mercury can hold out until we get back to the shrine," says Minako.

"How'd he teleport us anyway?" wonders Makoto. "And how did he know where to send us?"

"I think it's part of Kuwabara's developing precognitive abilities," says Mamoru. "As far as the dimensional portals," he continues, "I have no guess at all."

"He's got that _reiken_ of his," adds Usagi. "Since when could he create portals with it?"

* * *

"No way of knowing," says Rei, arriving at Hikawa Shrine. "Kuwabara _-kun's_ pretty amazing..." Rei trails off, looking around the shrine.

"What's going on?" demands Usagi.

"Kuwabara _-kun_ -or rather, the _youma_ ," says Rei, "is gone."

"Where would he go without people spotting him?" balks Makoto.

"I'm not sure," says Rei. "But wherever the _youma_ went," she continues, "he took Mercury with him."

* * *

The _youma_ , with Mercury on its back, lands in a field at Genkai's temple, harried on by a series of weak _reiki_ attacks from Genkai.

The _youma_ snarls at Genkai, then attempts to ensnare Genkai with an energy tendril.

"I'm not as easy as that," Genkai smirks, dodging the tendrils. "Only young amateurs like you would fall for such elementary tactics."

The _youma_ glares at Genkai.

"Seriously," continues Genkai, "though you're fun to tease, I must demand that you let the girl go."

This startles Mercury. "N-no!" she cries, trembling as she clings to the tree on the _youma_ 's back. "I want to be with him: with my gentle Kazuma _-san_ ," she adds, stroking the fur on the _youma_ 's back.

Genkai sighs. "There will be plenty of time for that, Mizuno _-san_ ," she says, "after you and your cohorts return him to normal."

The _youma_ roars at Genkai, apparently against the old martial artist's solution.

"Don't be a dumbass!" Genkai spits back. "You can't be with her the way you want as you are now. You know you have to let her go, and let Tsukino heal you."

The _youma_ shakes its head.

"Is that it?" scoffs Genkai. "You think you can protect Mizuno more effectively as a _kaiju_? And everyone you love?"

The _youma_ backs away from Genkai.

"I see," says Genkai. "You've always seen yourself as a monster, haven't you, piss dribble?" she scowls. "Do you think that makes you _unique_?"

"Kazuma _-san's_ not a monster!" spits Mercury.

Genkai chuckles. "He's not the only monster in the world, if that's what you mean," she says.

Mercury stares down at Genkai.

"All human beings are monsters," continues Genkai, "so Kuwabara is simply one member of a monstrous race of people."

"I don't want to let Kazuma _-san_ go, ever," says Mercury, her eyes shining with tears.

"And no one's demanding that you let him go," scoffs Genkai. "You just need to convince your precious moron to let your friend heal him so that he'd be easier for you to hold," she says.

The _senshi_ , along with Kamen, arrive at the field, headed towards the _youma_ ; Jupiter carries Kuwabara's body on her back.

"You won't trick us twice," says Moon.

Jupiter sets Kuwabara's body down. "Your carcass is heavy!" she spits. "Let Sailor Moon refresh you so you can move on your own!"

The _youma_ growls at Jupiter.

"That's a dirty trick, Kuwabara _-kun_!" adds Mars. "You know we won't attack you as long as Sailor Mercury's your passenger."

"At least I _hope_ she's just your passenger," continues Moon.

Kamen stares at Moon, flabbergasted.

"Shingo has lots of prurient anime he shouldn't be watching," says Moon, blushing.

"I know," quips Kamen. " _You_ shouldn't be watching it, either."

"I was curious," mutters Moon.

Kamen kisses Moon on the cheek. "We'll talk later," he whispers.

"That guy's always fumbling around," scoffs Uranus, arriving with Neptune. "He doesn't know how to handle himself."

"You're such a tease, Uranus," says Neptune.

"When it comes to Mercury," says Venus, winking at Neptune, "he can handle himself just fine."

"Mercury!" demands Jupiter. "Get down from his back so we can heal him!"

"Why...?" asks Mercury plaintatively.

A black blur suddenly whisks Mercury off the _youma_ 's back, bringing Mercury to the ground.

"Who's that little guy?" wonders Jupiter, the blur revealing itself to be Hiei.

Hiei reaches for his scabbard. "Don't think yourself a match for me, oaf," he says to the _youma_ , "not with that pitiful display of power."

The _youma_ roars at Hiei, then charges after the fire _yokai_.

Kurama, meanwhile, studies Kuwabara's prone body. "It's as though Kuwabara _-kun_ is dreaming," he says.

"Then we have to wake him up," says Moon, brandishing her Moon Sceptre.

"We have to stop him first, girl," says Genkai.

The _youma_ knocks Hiei to the ground, glowering over the fire _yokai_.

"Hn. You're a bit smarter than I gave you credit for," says Hiei, winded.

"Kuwabara's going to maul that guy," says Jupiter, watching as the _youma_ lifts his foreleg to swipe at Hiei.

"Please stop, Kazuma _-san_!" cries Yukina as she emerges from the brush; she stands between Hiei and the _youma_.

The _youma_ halts its attack, then backs away slowly from Yukina and Hiei.

Moon launches Cosmic Meditation, healing the _youma_.

* * *

A few days later, during lunch at Juuban Middle, Makoto scowls at the grass as Usagi opens an _obento_.

"Ah," sighs Usagi, " _okonomiyaki_!" She bites into the dish with delight, only to be perplexed by the flavor.

"That one...wasn't for you, Usagi," says Makoto. "I messed it up."

"Hm...I taste chocolate instead of _aonori_ ," says Usagi. "It still tastes yummy."

"You're far too kind," says Makoto.

Usagi studies Makoto. "You're not feeling well," she says, concerned. "Did Seiji _-san_ break your heart during _matsuri_?"

"Yeah..." says Makoto. "That's precisely what he did. I'd really like it, Usagi," she continues, "if we left it at that."

"Mako _-chan_..." says Usagi. "Do you think that maybe you're pushing him away too fast?"

"I don't want to talk about him, Usagi," says Makoto. "Surely there's a topic that doesn't relate to boys that we can talk about."

"You're not letting that wacky American math teacher we've got this year get to you, are you?" asks Usagi, annoyed.

"You're just saying that because you flunked her math test," quips Makoto.

"Everyone flunked Sarkeesian _-san's_ math test except Ami-because we barely learned any math. That teacher's grades are probably worse than mine," groans Usagi. "How are we going to attend Juuban High together with this going on?"

"Why do we have to attend the same high school?" asks Makoto.

"Right now," says Usagi, "everything's quiet. The most eventful thing we're dealing with," she continues, pouting, "is...something you don't want to discuss."

"So...?" asks Makoto.

"I'd bet that won't stay the case for long. It would really make things easier for us," says Usagi, "if we didn't have to meet at Hikawa Shrine all the time, when we need to do things."

"It would be more convenient," says Makoto, "than having to travel all the way to Shiba High."

"Besides," says Usagi in a whisper, "do we really want to attend the same school that accepted Kunzite and Zoisite as students?"

Makoto laughs, shaking her head.

A young American brunette bolts out of the school building. The principal emerges from the school after the American, followed by Touma.

"You'll all be hearing from my lawyers about this," spits the American in English. "You're hiring an uncredentialed college student to replace me because I'm a woman!"

"Please, Ms. Sarkeesian," says the principal, attempting to respond to the American, Sarkeesian, in English.

Touma grabs the principal's shoulder. "Let me explain matters, please, sir," he says.

The principal sighs.

Sarkeesian glares at Touma.

Touma adjust his glasses. "The fact is this," he states in clear English. "You weren't dismissed from your position because you're a woman. You've been replaced because your math is shit, and your academic credentials are a lie. To be blunt," continues Touma, "you can only distract people with makeup and radical feminist crap for so long before they realize that there's no substance to you."

"You...you can't say things like that!" balks Sarkeesian.

"Funny," quips Touma, grinning. "I just did. My sincere hope," he continues, "is that I can reverse the damage you've done to the students of this school with your logical fallacies."

Sarkeesian trembles, then stalks away from the school.

 _What is he doing here...?_ wonders Makoto, wincing as Touma walks over to them.

"He's one of Mamoru _-san_ 's classmates," whimpers Usagi. "I'll have to actually study again."

"That's right," says Touma. "Your days of slacking off are over, Tsukino _-kun_."

"You know, if I wanted some college student to harangue me over my math grades, I could have Mamoru _-san_ teach me," pouts Usagi.

"Ah, but you have ways to breach his defenses," says Touma. "Cute little tricks that won't work on me."

"You don't have to be so mean about it," pouts Usagi. "It's true that I didn't study, but Sarkeesian _-san_ told us that men use math as a means of control, and she told us not to study it as it was 'male-oriented'."

"You were only doing as you were told, then: is that your excuse?" says Touma, an unsympathetic look on his face.

Usagi nods.

"Oddly-enough, you're actually being honest: your home economics grades have slipped as well," says Touma, "and that's one subject that you don't need encouragement to study. It was enough of a concern to Mamoru and to your parents that they brought it to my attention...and it led to me gracing your presence."

Usagi sighs.

"Indeed. Woman up, Tsukino _-kun_ ," says Touma, "for I won't hold back or go easy on you."

"Of course not," says Usagi. "You men in glasses are always evil."

"And where would you have learned the provenance of that particular trope?" asks Touma, a playful look in his eyes as he removes his glasses.

"From...things I shouldn't watch at my age," Usagi admits, blushing.

Makoto rolls her eyes.

* * *

In math class at Juuban Middle, Touma claps his hands to get the students' attention.

The students look toward him expectantly.

"Tomorrow," Touma begins, with a look towards Usagi, "I expect everyone to work hard. However, I know that my presence is unusual," he continues, "so today isn't a day to solve for x."

Umino raises his hand. "But I'm ready to be taught math now." Ami and several other students nod in agreement, including Usagi.

"It's good to see that so many of you are eager to learn," says Touma. "I, Hashiba Touma, will put that determination of yours to the test daily," he continues, "so prepare yourselves."

"You're only a college student," says Makoto quietly.

"Yes," says Touma. "The reality is that Sarkeesian _-san_ left the lot of you ill-prepared to deal with a credentialed math teacher. I'm here on a temporary basis until her actual replacement is brought on."

A small group of delinquents in the back nudge each other, grinning.

"Which is not to say that any of you will have an easy time with me," says Touma, "if you choose to make me your enemy. For the time being, I am your math teacher, and I expect all of you to act accordingly."

"Yes, sir," say most of the students in the classroom; the delinquents slump in their chairs.

Touma continues to introduce himself for several minutes. "So," he says after his introduction, "what questions do you have for me today?"

"If we aren't going to study algebra or trigonometry today, Hashiba _-san_ ," asks Ami after a moment, "then what will we learn?"

"A fine question, Mizuno _-kun_ ," says Touma. "Today is essentially a new class; all of the time you've spent with Sarkeesian _-san_ has been wiped clean. For those of you whose grades have suffered, it's an opportunity to start fresh."

Ami pouts; Umino sighs with relief.

Touma approaches Ami's desk, fixing his eyes onto hers. "Let me pose a question to you, Mizuno _-kun_ ," he says. "What is the purpose of mathematics?"

Ami's eyes widen. "I...ask that you clarify your question," she says carefully.

Touma smiles with understanding. "At school, we're throwing all of these letters and numbers at you. Your parents think it's important for you to know all of this. What do you think is the reason for it?"

"You...want our honest opinion," says Ami.

Touma nods.

"Then," continues Ami, pouting, "I'm not sure I can give you one. Math is about facts and sorting them out," she continues. "I've always learned it along with other subjects because I love to learn."

"Ah, so then you're a philosopher, Mizuno _-kun_ ," says Touma.

Ami studies Touma a moment. "In the strict denotative sense, yes," she says.

"A fine answer, Mizuno _-kun_ ," says Touma. "Philosophers like ourselves, however, are-or learn to be-very generous. Knowledge is meant to be shared, to feed everyone. We all need knowledge."

"So it's like a vitamin?" asks Usagi.

"Precisely," grins Touma. "It's a nutrient we each need to grow as individuals," he continues, "so that our communities, our societies, our nations, and ultimately the world will thrive."

The lead delinquent snorts. "What does any of that flowery crap have to do with us answering questions about letters with numbers?" he demands.

"That is an honest question, Okage _-kun_ ," says Touma, "which you have been kind enough to re-pose for me."

"Huh?" balks Okage.

"Hashiba _-san_ has asked that question twice now," says Umino.

"And what I'm looking for," says Touma, "are your own answers to this question."

"Information," says Umino.

Touma nods. "Elaborate, Umino _-kun_ ," he says.

"We're trying to gather information," says Umino, "like the price of a favorite comic book on sale."

"That's one way," says Touma.

"To solve problems," says Usagi. "That would be the only reason to learn arithmetic."

"I would hazard to say, Tsukino _-kun_ ," says Touma, "that you've given us the reason to learn all math."

Usagi blinks.

"Math is a tool," Touma explains, "one of many reasoning tools we use to solve problems: great or small."

"Are you trying to teach us how to use these tools?" asks Okage, "Like weapons we're unfamiliar with?" His two cohorts stare at Okage and Touma in awe.

"Bingo," says Touma, snapping his fingers. "The real objective is to teach you how to sort all the information that you receive, to solve any problems that you have using critical thinking, analysis, logic, and reason."

* * *

"What if the problem you have is emotional?" asks Makoto, sour. "What if it can't be reasoned with?"

"That's impossible," says Touma. "If a problem is emotional, it's because you've tied your emotional well-being into its solution. Of course," he continues, irritated, "you've already arrived at a solution to a problem, but you know rationally that it's a piss-poor solution."

"It depends on which variable I'm trying to solve for," snorts Makoto, glaring at Touma.

"Indeed," says Touma, giving Makoto a thin smile. "The best thing to do, then, Kino _-kun_ ," he continues, "is to gather all of the facts...so that we can solve for the correct variable."

"What is this all code for, Hashiba _-san_?" asks Umino, annoyed. "It's obvious that you and Kino _-san_ aren't discussing math as a general reasoning tool."

"True," says Touma. "We're referring to a personal matter regarding a mutual acquaintance. Regardless, the same rules apply."

"Even if we don't have all the facts?" says Ami.

"At that point, you have to make logical inferences based on the facts at hand," says Touma. "Keep in mind that in the real world, individuals have vested interests in withholding some facts from being revealed."

"Mostly because it's none of their business," mutters Makoto.

"Without naming names," says Usagi, "I'd say that mutual acquaintance had revealed some facts he shouldn't have," she continues, glaring at Touma, "if he cared about Kino _-san_ 's feelings at all."

"That's essentially what it was," adds Makoto icily.

"From that, then," says Touma, "one can reasonably infer that my friend had distressed Kino _-kun_ in some fashion."

"But how, exactly?" asks Fuyuna, enthralled by the mystery.

"It's obvious how," spits Usagi.

"No, it isn't," counters Ami. "We don't have all of the facts."

"Ami!" balks Usagi. "Makoto explained everything. She has no reason to lie."

"That's an interesting presumption, Tsukino _-san_ ," says Touma.

"You obviously want to defend your friend," says Usagi.

"Yes," says Touma. "However, unlike you, I'm not under the assumption that my friend wouldn't lie. In truth, my friend was trying to rectify a problem that he created with a lie; the only way to do so was to reveal the truth."

"That doesn't make any sense," says Umino.

"Understanding the problem requires all parties involved to agree on which facts are pertinent," says Touma. "Now, to you, Tsukino _-kun_ ," he continues, locking eyes with Usagi. "Based on the information you've received from Kino _-kun_ , what have you inferred?"

"That Kino _-san_ 's heart was broken," says Usagi, "and her faith betrayed. By your friend."

* * *

"You...are not entirely wrong, Tsukino _-kun_. Kino _-kun_ 's trust was betrayed, certainly," says Touma thoughtfully. "However, this was due to the fact that their relationship was founded on a faulty, mistaken premise which should have been corrected a great deal sooner."

Makoto stares balefully at Touma.

"To be fair, though: in this instance, it was simply impossible for my friend to address the issue any sooner than he did," continues Touma, shaking his head.

"Couldn't he have simply told Kino _-san_ how he truly felt about her?" asks Ami.

"Exactly," adds Akina. "If your friend didn't return Kino _-san_ 's feelings," she continues, "then he shouldn't have led her on to believe that he did."

"Actually," says Touma, "my friend _did_ express his true feelings about Kino _-kun_."

"Hm," says Umino, touching his chin. "The standard inference would be, then, that your friend had rejected Kino _-san_ 's feelings. This is based, mind you," he continues, "on previous female interactions with males, and thus presupposes that Kino _-san_ has told Tsukino _-san_ the entire truth."

"However, that inference may not be correct," adds Ami. "In the interest of problem-solving and arriving at the truth," she continues, "we must allow for the possibility that Kino _-san_ may have rejected your friend's feelings."

"Why would she do that?" balks Usagi, staring at Ami.

"That would depend on Kino _-san_ 's private motives," says Ami.

"Which I emphasize," says Makoto, sullen, "are private."

"Correct," says Ami. "Kino _-san_ has her reasons for rejecting the feelings of Hashiba _-san_ 's friend, even though those reasons are at odds with her presented personality."

"That would depend," say Fuyuna and Akina in unison.

"On what, Sakurada _-kun_ and Sakurada _-kun_?" sighs Touma, staring at the twins.

"Is he cute?" asks Akina. "If not, the reason for Kino _-san_ 's rejection is quite obvious."

"Is he a sociopath?" adds Fuyuna. "Our oldest sister's a cop, and she's warned us that no amount of handsomeness can make up for it if your friend's a psycho."

"Does he have a fat black book of girls' phone numbers?" continues Akina.

"That part makes perfect sense," adds Umino. "If we presuppose your friend's implied promiscuity," he continues, "then Kino _-san_ is within her rights to feel insulted about being another notch on his belt."

"Hashiba _-san_ 's friend is not like that," spits Makoto, "and he's not a psycho."

"But we can safely infer that he's a cutie, right?" asks Akina.

"He's hideous," snorts Makoto. "He has gorgeous blue-gray eyes that shine like stars, and silky golden-brown hair that curves in a bang over his right eye just so," she adds, sighing dreamily.

Touma grins. "I doubt that Kino _-kun_ 's reasons for rejecting my friend's feelings are superficial," he says.

Makoto scowls at the ground.

"Would I be correct, Kino _-kun_?" Touma asks Makoto.

"You are correct, Hashiba _-san_ ," says Makoto. "However," she continues, "I would appreciate it if everyone ended all of this speculation."

"That's a reasonable request," says Touma. "My point in this exercise was amply illustrated," he adds, "and I thank you for your forbearance."

Usagi stares at Makoto in shock. _Mako-chan,_ she asks herself, _was I right after all?_

* * *

"He was right," says Seiji quizzically, eating a plate of fried rice.

Shuu scowls at Seiji. "That bastard needs to get laid himself," he says.

"You can't deny that Kuroda _-kun_ is some sort of prophet or seer," says Seiji.

"I never once said Kuroda was wrong," says Shuu. "I just wanted him to shut the fuck up about it and find something constructive to do with his free time."

"And that's a good thing," Shin smiles, watching as Xiao walks past the three of them to the bedroom at Shuu's apartment, "because Xiao _-san_ is carrying about thirty-two weeks worth of 'I told you so'."

"Shin: fuck you, fuck Kuroda, and fuck my shitty landlord downstairs for putting us in this overpriced rat _rabuho_ ," fumes Shuu as a rat runs across the rug to its den, a piece of cheese in its mouth.

"At least some guys are getting fucked," mutters Seiji.

"Ah," sneers Shuu, "then perhaps _you_ should have listened to Kuroda instead. I have an excuse for tuning him out."

"Oh," scoffs Seiji. "Would you rather have had Sasaki _-kun_ for your rival?"

"Hell yeah!" grins Shuu. "That man would cut to the chase and attack you-he'd never try to talk you to death."

"Are you trying to shit us!?" balks Seiji. "All four of those bastards loved to talk. Half of our responses to them amounted to 'shut the hell up'."

"Yamanouchi was the least chatty of them," says Shin glibly. "He simply liked to laugh maniacally."

"And at least Kuroda was quiet when he spoke; he whispered most of the time," adds Seiji. "Me? I get the loud, snarling jackass who says things like: 'Prepare yourself, Kourin'," he continues, pulling a _shinai_ off the wall over the couch as he mimics Sasaki's voice, "'for I shall strike you down! You will feel the bite of darkness as it consumes you with its icy touch'!"

"It must be some unwritten rule of _bushido_ ," says Shin, "to announce their every intent."

"No," says Seiji. "I refuse to think your ancestor or mine would ever have been that tactically stupid."

"What about Shuu's ancestor?" asks Shin.

"How far back are we going?" grins Shuu.

"For you, it'd be earlier than the Sengoku period," says Seiji.

"In that case, then," says Shuu, "we'd all be fluent in twelfth-century Mongolian, and the whole world would be related to me-instead of just one percent of it."

"Genghis Khan wouldn't have been able to wield the armor," counters Shin. "He couldn't exhibit any of its principles."

"Kongou? No," says Shuu. "But he wouldn't need to: he'd have just killed the nine unfortunate souls who had the armors during his time, united them to summon Arago, killed that sorry bastard, taken over the Youjekai, then came back to take over the world."

"What about Kayura _-dono_?" wonders Shin.

"She'd be pregnant," scoffs Shuu.

"Physically, she's _twelve_ ," says Seiji dourly.

"Then she'd be lucky to survive childbirth," says Shuu.

"She'd be lucky to survive _sex_ , let alone childbirth," adds Shin, "if you think Genghis Khan would be so short on concubines that Kayura _-dono_ would be a viable courtesan for his needs."

* * *

"Why are we even talking about this sick shit?" spits Seiji, gulping down a small bottle of Chinese rice wine. "I can't even blame Makoto _-san_ for avoiding me: I'm psychologically ill."

"We all are, one way or another," says Shin. "Seeing Shutendouji, and learning that he wasn't a _yokai_ at all, but a man from the Sengoku period..."

"Correct that: a time-displaced seventeen year-old from the Sengoku period," says Shuu, "which means that mentally, none of those four assholes were much older than we were when we fought them. Honestly, that was the whole problem I was having when I had fought Shuten: whatever his motives, Arago wasn't lying about our armors."

"We saw-and endured-things best left to people's nightmares," says Shin.

"And we did it because we could bear the burden," says Shuu. "But there was a heavy price to pay."

"On some level," says Shin, "we're all just as evil as they were. Good people would have gone insane."

"Don't...don't talk like that," scowls Seiji. "Our _yoroi_ are simply tools."

"Not tools," says Shuu soberly. "Weapons."

Seiji studies Shuu.

"Did I tell you the story about when Kuroda and I got mugged?" grins Shuu.

"Not much," says Shin. "I think you said Yamaguchi _-gumi_ was involved somehow...along with your cousin and the Triad."

"Look," says Seiji, "that's nothing. No one tries to rob the _**Ai Mart**_ in Odaiba anymore because of Yamanouchi _-kun_."

"If they heard the sad tale of Kohitsuji," says Shin, "there wouldn't be muggers anymore."

The three young men laugh, wretched expressions on their faces.

* * *

Shin sighs. "I can't just be a rich idiot with no day job," he says after a moment. "For me, that path leads to the plot outline of _**120 Days of Sodom**_."

"You're being absurd, Shin," says Seiji, stern.

"You two are wringing your hands over comparatively minor transgressions," continues Shin.

"I had to marry my sister and move to a foreign country," hisses Shuu, "because I fucked and impregnated her."

"While in Tahiti," adds Seiji glibly.

Shuu scowls at Seiji.

"Spare me, friend of mine," says Seiji. "Makoto has more claim to being my sister than Xiao has to being yours."

"Biologically, she _is_ my sister, you ass," counters Shuu.

"She didn't grow up with you as a brother figure," says Seiji, self-reproach in his voice, "and you never once forced yourself on her."

"Only because I'm sure that some eyepatch-wearing asshole would have mauled me with a set of _nunchaku_ ," grins Shuu ruefully.

"Kuroda _-san_ does play matchmaker with girls that he'd like for himself," says Shin. "I think that's one of the reasons he's still angry with Sasaki _-san_."

"Ironically, for trying to be honorable according to the tenets of _bushido_ ," says Seiji, "by obeying his master's order."

"' _Bushido_ was practiced in such a clumsy, inelegant fashion by many samurai in my day, Fuan _-kun_ ', says Shuu, mocking Kuroda. "'I am one of the few who recognized that _bushido_ was never meant to be a suicide pact, or a vow to be as much of a blithering idiot as possible'."

"What was Sasaki _-kun_ supposed to do? Disregard the will of Sesshoumaru _-sama_ with regard to his adopted daughter?" asks Seiji.

"Yes!" says Shin. "Sesshoumaru _-sama_ was a _yokai_ ; even if he had wanted to bring his grievances before a _daimyo_ , no human during that time period would have acknowledged his authority over Sasaki _-san_."

"Somehow," says Seiji, "part of that was less about honor, and more about discretion."

"That is to say, he didn't want to get murdered by an _inuyokai_ ," says Shuu. "I still think that Kuroda might have been able to help Sasaki pull it off."

* * *

"I just don't think you all understand me," says Seiji.

"You...kissed a girl!" teases Shin. "The horror!" Shin rolls his eyes.

Seiji fumes, shaking his head. "If Makoto _-san_ hadn't broken that kiss, I would have..." he says grimly, his words trailing off as he rubs his arms.

"Seiji," says Shuu, "quit beating yourself up."

"No. That was just the latest and most egregious liberty I had taken with her," Seiji counters. "And what's so terrifying about it..."

Shin and Shuu study Seiji.

"I...I have no regrets. I'm not even sorry. I should be sorry, but I'm _not_!" spits Seiji. "Makoto _-san_ is so pure, so sweet...and all she ever wanted was an older brother-for someone to protect her. And all she got from me was some sick, depraved bastard who wants to rut her in his bedroom."

"At least she's getting _you_ ," says Shin. "I've seduced and am currently two-timing a middle school student and a high school student. For one, I'm wearing these glasses," he continues darkly, smirking as he slips on a pair of wire-rimmed glasses, "and fucking the lithe, beautiful redhead middle schooler deep in his perfect ass; and exploiting the confused emotions of the high school student by letting him beat and fuck me," Shin finishes, slipping off the glasses.

"I haven't told Abarai or Yokosuka shit about 'Motonari' or 'Ranmaru'," says Shuu. "That's your call."

"I know," says Shin. "I'm just not ready."

"As for you, Seiji," Shuu continues, "you can't just give up on Makoto. Self-fulfilling prophecies can be a bitch if you're always running from your own shadow."

Seiji sighs. "Let me come to terms with that fact in my way, please," he says.

"Act in the way you think best," says Shuu, "but you must act. It's the only way you can honor your promise to her."

Seiji sighs; he rises from the couch and picks up the phone handset.

"Dude, what are you doing?" asks Shuu.

"Calling a cab," says Seiji. "I won't let Xiao see me drunk. I'm incorrigible when I'm drunk."

"I don't know how either of us are getting away with our illegal drinking in the United States," adds Shin.

"Simple," grins Shuu. "As far as the cops here care, we're all China's problem."

"But I'm Japanese," says Shin.

"And I'm white as fuck," grins Seiji.

"Then stay here," says Shuu.

Seiji shakes his head. "The damned cab's already here," he says, glancing out of a window.

"Black cabbies," warns Shuu, "unless they're Jamaican or have Arabic surnames."

"What's wrong with white cabbies?" asks Seiji.

"Those bastards pad the meter," says Shuu.

"What about the Jamaicans and Muslim converts?" wonders Shin.

"They talk too fucking much," grins Shuu.

Seiji and Shin laugh, then leave Shuu's apartment.

* * *

At the end of school for the day, Ami approaches Naru as the latter packs away her books.

Naru looks up at her, then takes a note out of her book satchel. "This is for you," she says. "I'm sure whoever wrote it isn't from our school."

Ami sits next to Naru, then opens the note. "'To Mizuno Ami: Please give this to your sexy friend, Inafune Suigin'," reads Ami aloud. "'I'd like to talk to her. Regards: Outekkou _-sama_.'" Ami folds the note, packing it in her book satchel.

"Someone's a highly-creative fan of Sailor Mercury," scoffs Naru, "but why would anyone try to forward a love note this way?"

Ami touches her chin.

"Honestly, if this goofball thought that you could get the note to her somehow," continues Naru, "why bother giving the note to me?"

Ami smiles thinly. "Tell me," she asks, "was this fellow wearing an ill-fitting gray Shiba High uniform with epaulets attached to the shoulders?"

"Yes! And his hair was wild and curly. He had on a pair of glasses, along with a costume crown and a cape!" gasps Naru, a bewildered smile on her face as she stares at Ami.

Ami giggles.

"How did you _know_...that this guy was ridiculous?" asks Naru.

"I happen to understand the mind of this particular cosplayer," says Ami ruefully. "He has a very healthy imagination...but not much sense." She stands.

"How will you get the note to Sailor Mercury?" asks Naru.

"I _won't_ ," says Ami. "One good cosplay turn deserves another."

"Just be careful," says Naru. "That guy was out of it...and drunk."

Ami nods, then leaves Naru's classroom.

* * *

Kuwabara grips Ami's waist as she shudders; both crying out in unison.

Ami falls onto Kuwabara, exhausted as she nuzzles into his chest. "You...have far too much stamina," she pants, lazily teasing Kuwabara's nipple.

"I could say the same..." says Kuwabara, wrapping his arms around Ami. "Or," he continues, "this is the kind of stamina needed...to keep you interested..."

Ami giggles. "How much more of yourself," she sighs, "would you give to me...?"

"More than you can take," hisses Kuwabara. "All that you want."

"You underestimate," says Ami, a wry smile on her face, "how much of you I can take...Outekkou- _kishi_."

"I would never make that mistake, Suigin- _ojousama_ ," says Kuwabara, stroking Ami's back.

The pair fall asleep on the cot in the warehouse office, in each other's arms.

* * *

Makoto leaves the Crown Arcade, a moody scowl on her face. She walks home, glaring at the ground.

 _I just...want to hit something. Hard,_ she hisses to herself.

After several minutes, Makoto arrives home, staring at the familiar set of stairs leading to her apartment. She sighs, then starts to climb the steps.

"Hi," grins Minako, seated at the top of the stairs.

Makoto scowls at the blonde. "You are the last person I want to talk to," she spits as she quickly stomps up the stairs and heads to her door.

"And that's why you need to talk to me," says Minako, standing. "I'm not afraid to deal with you when you're about ready to punch someone or something."

"Go home, Minako," groans Makoto.

"Judging from your reaction to my presence," says Minako, "I'd say you know why I'm here."

"To annoy me," says Makoto.

"Makoto," says Minako, "you need to talk to someone about this. Whatever you're feeling, you can't keep it bottled-up inside you."

"I can 'bottle-up' whatever I damn well please," counters Makoto. "Why can't you be like others who are worried," she continues curtly, "and butt out when you're asked to?"

"You're being such a coward!" says Minako.

"Because I have enough sense to find that fellow intimidating," says Makoto, "and I won't be talked out of it by a reckless girl playing matchmaking games to fill a void in her soul." Makoto enters her apartment.

Minako follows Makoto inside. "Isn't that the reason you love him the most?" she asks.

"Shut up," Makoto demands. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh?" asks Minako.

"Date Seiji isn't some harmless _bishonen_ we can coo about," spits Makoto.

"I understand that," says Minako, "but I'm not going to take him off your hands. The woman I know, my friend and comrade," she continues, "would beat the shit out of me for snatching away her prize challenge."

Makoto shakes her head, laughing. "You think I'm that easy to bait?" she scoffs. "Go for it, please: take him away."

Minako stares at Makoto.

"I don't want his touches, his caresses, his kisses; I don't want his warm, perfect body near mine, okay!?" continues Makoto. "I'll be just fine without him."

"You're not a good liar at all, Makoto," says Minako.

"I don't care!" Makoto fumes, glowering at Minako. "I'm supposed to be a master of lightning; I wield lightning."

Minako touches her chin. "So...?" she asks.

"So? I know what the fuck lightning is!" thunders Makoto.

Minako's eyes widen.

"Seiji _-san_ is raw lightning: pure and unfiltered," says Makoto soberly. "When he touches you, you freeze for a moment, paralyzed; and then you burn all over, white-hot, until you're consumed."

"And you're not ready to ride the lightning," says Minako, grinning.

"I'd be so relieved if a few nights of sex were all he wanted from me," says Makoto. "I could deal with that."

"Would you be satisfied with that?" asks Minako.

"All I really want...is for him to be my big brother again," says Makoto. "For him to protect me and watch my back. I want us to be family again."

"To fill the void in your own soul," says Minako.

Makoto trembles.

"The moment I leave this apartment, you'll be all alone again," Minako continues. "That has to be torture for you."

"I'll survive, like I've always done," says Makoto sullenly. "If I give in to Seiji-if I give him what he wants, I'll..." she continues, trembling. "I'll lose myself, and he'd lose himself in me; we wouldn't know where he ends and I begin."

"That's...love," says Minako.

"And it's terrifying," says Makoto. "Beautiful and terrifying."

Minako gasps.

"I'm not ready. It's as simple as that," says Makoto. "Now please leave."

Minako heads to the door. "You say that," she says, "but ready or not, you want him all the same." With that, Minako leaves Makoto's apartment.

* * *

POST-SCRIPT

* * *

Chibi-usa looks around inside a familiar bedroom. "This isn't...wait. This _is_ my room!" she balks. "That jerk sent me back to my own time!"

"What jerk are you talking about, Chibi-usa?" asks Queen Selenity, standing in the doorway.

Chibi-usa pouts. "Kuwabara _-san_ ," she says. "He was turned into a _youma_ , and we were trying to purify him," continues Chibi-usa, "but he sent us away somehow."

Selenity winces briefly.

"Are you alright, _okaasama_?" asks Chibi-usa.

"I remember him being...such a kind fellow," says Selenity, trembling. "You used to tease him so much," she adds with an exasperated, grief-tinged smile. Tears formed in Selenity's eyes.

"That's right..." says Chibi-usa. "I forgot that Kuwabara _-san_...isn't here anymore."

"Just let it alone, Chibi-usa," says Selenity, her manner cold and restrained. "It could not be helped." She leaves Chibi-usa in her room.

Chibi-usa picks up Luna-P. "So many of _okaasama's_ friends from the past aren't alive anymore," she says, "because of the Crystal Disaster. I wonder," Chibi-usa continues, "if _okaasama_ feels responsible somehow."

* * *

A few days later, Chibi-usa approaches Sailor Mercury, the latter reading as she enjoys a small bowl of _anmitsu_.

Noting Chibi-usa's arrival, Mercury sets down her book. "How are you, Small Lady?" she asks. "I see you've returned back _properly_ this time."

Chibi-usa's eyes twinkle as she grins. "I know who he is now," says Chibi-usa.

"Oh?" wonders Mercury.

"That 'dear one' of yours," says Chibi-usa. "He's the reason you have all of those outdated music discs and analog recordings that can't play on anything, so you can't listen to the music."

Mercury touches her chin.

"Except...you can!" Chibi-usa declares cheerfully, revealing a combination CD-tape player. "I bought you this before I returned from the past."

Mercury gasps, stroking the now-vintage device gently.

"That guy's pretty special," continues Chibi-usa. "He even believed in creatures called _yokai_ , but I've never seen one-not even back in the past."

Mercury smiles at Chibi-usa. "Skepticism is healthy," she says, a wistful expression in her eyes, "but it...has its limitations." Mercury pulls out a small cloth bag; she opens it, revealing a small pile of clear beads, with a few blood-red beads mixed in.

"Ooh, those are lovely," coos Chibi-usa, picking up a bead. "They're not pearls, are they?" she asks.

"They're tears," says Mercury. "Tears of pain and sorrow...from creatures who do not exist. One of many creatures too beautiful, and too terrible, to exist."

Chibi-usa blinks.

"D-don't mind me..." continues Mercury, tears forming in her eyes as she puts away the beads. "You may keep that one, if you're interested in the mystery." She rises to her feet.

"Mercury _-san_ ," says Chibi-usa, "you've barely eaten your _anmitsu_. It's your favorite."

"I...don't have much of a taste for it anymore," says Mercury, picking up the CD-tape player. "Thank you for your gift, Small Lady. It...was very kind." Mercury leaves.

 _How is Kuwabara-san,_ Chibi-usa asks herself as she studies the bead in her hand, _connected to this lovely thing?_

* * *

Later that evening, inside Endymion's private dining hall, Chibi-usa starts to read through a book on the shelf. She hears speech and quickly hides herself away...

...as Endymion enters with Kagome and Pluto.

"I agree," says Endymion soberly. "As much pain as this will cause Selenity and myself," he continues, "I must agree."

"Because of your daughter?" asks Kagome.

"The needs of the many outweigh the few," says Endymion, "and the people's needs trump our own. We'll survive."

"But Chibi-usa won't," says Kagome. "Usagi-no, Queen Selenity-would never accept that."

"She never says it," counters Endymion, "but she doesn't like this future. So, now that we know that someone intended for this to happen-*"

"What difference does it really make to you?" asks Kagome.

"The difference, Kagome _-san_ , is that this future is based on a lie-on someone's scheme," says Endymion. "Lies have no true beauty, and I refuse to live one."

Kagome sighs. "I'll do what I must, to save the people I love," she says. "But unless someone can save Chibi-usa as well, we'll still have blood on our hands."

"Then on my head be it," says Endymion, nodding to Pluto. "Escort Kagome to her own time, and advise her," he orders the _senshi_.

Pluto nods. She leaves with Kagome.

Hidden under a table, Chibi-usa trembles. _Save me...?_ she wonders silently. _From what...?_


	23. Elixir 16

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #16** : Don't ever let go of the ones you love.

byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

"Finishing your homework?" grins Ryo. "I don't want to have to report you to your boyfriend."

"I'm more worried about Touma _-san_ ," says Usagi, pouting. "He's so mean."

"He takes school seriously," says Ryo. "Always did, and always will."

"There's more to life than schoolwork," says Usagi, knitting her brow as she fiddles with a page of a black spiral diary.

Ryo studies Usagi.

"We should live life to the fullest while we can, don't you think, Ryo _-san_?" Usagi continues brightly, looking furtively inside her book satchel.

"I'm with you," says Ryo, "but Touma will still insist that study is a part of living."

Usagi sighs, closing and locking the diary. "Can I at least step out for some fresh air?" she asks.

Ryo chuckles as he nods.

Usagi grabs her book satchel, then exits Ryo's apartment in a rush.

Ryo touches his chin. _I wonder why,_ he muses, _Usagi-san's eyes are so sad._ He briefly touches the black diary.

* * *

Usagi, in an alley near the apartment, takes out her communicator as Luna and Artemis approach her.

"What do you mean, Rei...?" balks Usagi. "I can't just 'drop everything and head to Hikawa Shrine'-that looks suspicious...!"

Luna rubs against Usagi's leg.

"Is this related to our thing...?" continues Usagi. "You won't rest until I come about this thing between you and Kuroda _-san..._ " she adds, sighing. "Fine..." Rolling her eyes, Usagi leaves the alley; Luna and Artemis follow after her.

* * *

Shuu cradles a baby in his arms, with the infant's hand grasping Shuu's finger.

"Do you like me?" asks Shuu gently in Chinese. "Do you think I'm a good or bad man?"

The baby, only a few days old, tries to focus its bright blue-gray eyes onto Shuu.

Shuu shakes his head, smiling in resignation. "Even if I wanted to," he muses aloud, "I couldn't pass you off as Cheng's boy. All that your grandpa would have to do to kill that lie is whip out my baby picture."

The baby yelps quietly.

"Hey, now," says Shuu, studying the baby quizzically, "your parents did not expect you. Everyone else in the Huang clan did-along with a few stupid Japanese assholes I know."

The baby gently pats at Shuu's hand.

"I don't have any regrets," says Shuu. "Your mother and I: we couldn't lie to ourselves, even if Kuroda wasn't being his obnoxious self. And you were right to punch him," he continues, grinning. "Right in the eye. I can tell you're going to be a good boy, Huang Yang Lee."

Shuu gently smoothes Lee's hair with his fingers. "You're so tiny," he whispers in awe. "Was I ever this small and fragile?"

Lee looks up at Shuu.

Shuu grins. "You don't know it," he says, "but you scare me, kid-more than anything else I've dealt with in my life. Because you and Xiao have become my whole world...more precious to me than diamonds."

* * *

Yamanouchi, groggy from a hangover, steps out of the Date house as he heads to the _**Ai Mart**_.

 _Hitodama,_ he says to himself as he glances at other pedestrians, noting blue flames over their heads which only he can see. _Hitodama, hitodama, hitodama..._

Yamanouchi boards the subway to Odaiba. " _Hitodama..._ " he mutters inaudibly, his expression odd, and causing his fellow commuters to stare at him.

Disembarking from the subway at his stop, Yamanouchi grips his arms to check his trembling. " _Hitodama..._ " he hisses, glaring at the ground to avoid further stares from people.

 _It's becoming a damned mantra,_ Yamanouchi snarls to himself, _but it can't be helped. Every hapless man, woman, and child in Kanto seems to be on fire._

He notes his reflection in the window as he arrives at the _**Ai Mart**_. _Including myself,_ continues Yamanouchi silently, trembling as he notes a blue flame over his own head.

Squaring his shoulders, Yamanouchi sets his face in a determined frown as he enters the _**Ai Mart**_.

A light-haired six year old boy grins cheerfully at him. "Morning, Naotoki _-san_ ," he says. "I'm going to school."

"I know, Mamo _-chan_ ," says Yamanouchi listlessly.

Two girls burst out of the back office. "We want to go to school, too!" they squeal, rushing toward Yamanouchi and the boy, Inoue Mamoru.

Yamanouchi grabs the pair of girls, Inoue Chizuru and Inoue Momoe, setting each one on the counter. "You're both still too young," he says. "Besides," Yamanouchi continues, struggling to be cheerful, "who will keep Miya _-chan_ company?" He ties both girls' shoelaces.

"I'm five," pouts Momoe, the older of the two girls. "And I can count to fifteen."

"I can count to twenty," says Chizuru, "and I'm four."

"Then show your mother what you both know," says Yamanouchi as he sets Momoe and Chizuru down, sending them to the back office.

"Okay, Nao _-chan_ ," say the girls in unison, entering the back office.

 _Hitodama_ , says Yamanouchi silently, glowering.

"Are you okay?" asks Mamoru.

"I'm...not feeling very well," says Yamanouchi. "My spirits are low."

"Cheer up," says Mamoru as Inoue exits the back office. "The day always gets better."

Inoue smiles at Mamoru. "Going to school, young man?" he asks playfully. "Ready for your first day?"

"I'm ready!" beams Mamoru, preening in his freshly-pressed school _gakuran_.

"Then let's go," says Inoue, smiling with pride as he leaves the _**Ai Mart**_ with Mamoru.

Yamanouchi sighs. " _Hitodama..._ " he groans as he dons his work apron.

Grimacing, Yamanouchi organizes various bits of shelf stock.

Miyako, carrying a roll of toilet paper trailing from the back office, approaches Yamanouchi and pokes his arm. "Nao _-chan_ ," she says, a perplexed frown on her face. "Are you hurt?"

"No, Miya _-chan_ ," says Yamanouchi curtly, annoyed and confused. "What do you want?"

"You're crying," says Miyako, offering the roll of toilet paper to Yamanouchi.

Yamanouchi sighs as he accepts the roll of toilet paper. "Where did you get this?" he asks, steeling himself for a papered mess in the storeroom.

"Bathroom," says Miyako.

Yamanouchi opens the storeroom, sighing in relief that the merchandise inside remains intact. He touches his face, feeling tears near his eyes. "You're too kind, Miya _-chan_ ," he says. "Go play with your big sisters."

"Are you sure?" asks Miyako.

Yamanouchi nods. "I'll be alright," he says gently as he escorts Miyako to the back office.

"I love you, Nao _-chan_ ," says Miyako brightly, smiling at Yamanouchi. She enters the back office.

Yamanouchi winces as he tears off a piece of toilet paper, then wipes away his tears. " _Hitodama..._ " he whispers, trembling. " _Hito-hitodama..._ "

Yamanouchi turns over the _OPEN_ sign for the _**Ai Mart**_ , heads to the store counter...and silently weeps.

* * *

"Yeah, it's true," says Makoto. "You've done your level best to avoid Kuroda _-kun_."

"Since we returned from the future, in fact," adds Usagi. "But why?"

"Kuroda _-kun_ ," says Rei carefully, "knows who we all are. I'm a liability."

"How?" asks Ami.

"It's because of a decision I made almost five years ago. I was just a kid, and didn't really know what I was doing," says Rei, "but it's made me a liability to the team."

"You're acting as if Kuroda _-kun_ 's our enemy," says Minako.

"No," says Rei. "To be fair, he's not. We haven't given him reason to be."

"Is Kuroda _-kun_ dangerous?" asks Ami.

"Oh, come on!" balks Makoto. "He's just a creepy loner who lurks in dark corners and reads books all day."

"If you do have this psychic bond with him," says Usagi, "then avoiding him will make him more likely to think you're hiding something from him."

"You're right, Usagi," says Rei. "And, to be fair," she continues, "I am."

Ami touches her chin. "Crystal Tokyo..." she says quietly.

"Along with the disaster that created it," adds Minako.

"Without going into unnecessary details," says Rei, "we don't need Kuroda _-kun_ to know about the Crystal Disaster...or any of his friends."

Usagi opens her book satchel, rummaging through it.

"True," muses Makoto. "There's no point. It's a freak disaster, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it-least of all Sei-Date _-san_ and his friends."

"Come off it, Kino!" spits Minako. "You know damned well where your feelings-*"

"Drop it, Aino," scowls Makoto. "I'm not having another argument about the matter."

Usagi suddenly leaps to her feet, her eyes wide with worry.

"What's with you, Usagi?" demands Rei, annoyed. "This meeting is important."

"I...I know," stammers Usagi, "but...this is more important!"

The other four girls study Usagi.

"I left something vital at Sanada _-san_ 's apartment," continues Usagi.

"Transformation brooch?" asks Ami.

"No," says Usagi, presenting her brooch, and also taking out her locket and communicator.

"Nice to see you haven't lost what good sense you have," says Rei. "What did you leave there?" she asks.

"My...my..." Usagi says, trembling under her friends' gaze.

"Out with it!" orders Rei.

"My...my diary!" shrieks Usagi.

The other girls abruptly drop to the ground.

Usagi looks around a moment, grabs her book satchel, gathers her _senshi_ gear, and leaves Rei's room.

Luna sighs. "I'll finally find out why that diary's so important to her, at least," she says aloud. She leaves to follow Usagi.

* * *

Ryo hands Mamoru Usagi's diary. "Please tell your girlfriend to be more careful with her things," he says.

Mamoru sighs as Usagi scrambles up the steps to Ryo's apartment, out of breath. "You can tell her yourself," he grins, delighted to see Usagi.

Ryo fails to return the smile. "I'm...not feeling up to the challenge," he sighs. "Good day to you, Chiba." With that, he enters his apartment and shuts the door.

Mamoru scowls a moment, then turns to face Usagi.

Usagi pants, catching her breath.

"Any racy secrets in here, Usako?" asks Mamoru playfully, shaking the diary.

Usagi pouts at Mamoru. "Please give me that," she says curtly. "I had to blow off a meeting for it."

"Was the meeting for study or...business?" asks Mamoru as he hands Usagi the diary.

"Business," says Usagi, eyeing Mamoru bashfully as she accepts the diary. "But this diary's more important, I swear. I don't do things like that to annoy Rei anymore."

"I know," says Mamoru, placing a hand on Usagi's shoulder. "If you ever want to talk to me about things, you can," he continues. "I don't want you to carry any burdens in your heart alone."

Usagi smiles, then walks down the steps. She stoops to pet Luna's head.

"Wait up," says Mamoru. "I can take you home."

"My home," says Usagi wryly, "with my mom, my dad, and the aggravation."

"That's not a nice thing to say about my brother-in-law," quips Mamoru, pecking Usagi's cheek.

"Shingo was my brother first, Mamoru _-san_ ," says Usagi.

"Indeed," says Mamoru. "It's one of the first things I remember." He straddles his moped.

Usagi climbs aboard the moped behind Mamoru, circling her arms around his waist as he starts the moped.

Luna darts off to the nearby alley, preparing to take one of many shortcuts to Usagi's house.

Byakuen growls softly, then pursues Luna.

* * *

At Juuban Middle a few days later, Touma continues his lecture, calm as the students all address his scenario.

Usagi rubs her arms, tense as the scenario sounds...entirely too familiar to her.

"Why did the characters opt for a monarchy?" asks a student.

"Most of Earth's population was wiped out in this scenario," states Ami, trembling as she struggles to remain calm, "and the main character, the queen, was able to stop the disaster using a magical crystal."

"Why didn't she use the crystal to stop the disaster from happening?" asks Umino. "That would have saved Earth's population."

"According to the story," scoffs Makoto, "it was a freak incident."

"No," says Usagi, squaring her shoulders, "it's a fair question. While initially," she continues, wincing, "the disaster did suddenly occur in 1999, when the characters were finishing college, the characters gained foreknowledge of the disaster. Right, Hashiba _-san_?" Usagi asks Touma.

Touma nods.

"True," states Ami, touching her chin. "Another character travelled from the future world after the disaster," she adds, "triggering a chain of events that caused the main characters to travel to the time traveller's future world: because the world-present and future-was endangered by arcane terrorists."

"This is insane!" balks Makoto. "We're talking about characters who are all reincarnations of space princesses-because our whole solar system was once inhabited through a combo of magic and science," she snorts.

"I actually see the point of this, Kino _-san_ ," says Touma coolly.

"I don't see any math being taught at all!" counters Makoto. "Show me some numbers, or I'm leaving."

"I've got a big number for you all," says Touma, unfazed by Makoto's threat. "But there was some math with much bigger numbers involved." He writes a completed math problem on the dry erase board. "Now," asks Touma, grinning, "who can spot and correct the rounding error?"

Umino raises his hand; Touma nods and beckons Umino to the board.

Usagi rubs her arms.

"So many zeroes," breathes Akina.

"Isn't that Earth's _real_ current population?" asks Fuyuna.

"A solid ballpark estimate," says Touma, "indicating that our writer did some research before writing this narrative."

Makoto scowls at the math problem as Umino finishes correcting the math error.

"It looks like one of Tsukino _-san_ 's rounding errors," says Umino, turning to the class. "In this case, when the writer put this math problem in the story to decimate Earth's population, it was rounded down-the remaining population estimate is actually too low."

Ami hides a sad, understanding smile as she listens to Umino's explanation.

"Still," continues Umino, returning to his desk, "even with the correction, the numbers here are sobering. Humanity bounced back from an even worse population bottleneck," he adds, "but in this scenario, most of Earth itself is turned to crystal. While there are more people left over after the disaster, there's far less arable land."

"That's right," says Usagi. "There's limited food and water-even more so than before the disaster."

"But the characters had an elegant solution to save the remaining population," says a student. "Make the survivors immortal, and eliminate the need-along with the ability-to procreate."

"Our writer gave this scenario a great deal of thought," says Touma, an understanding look in his eyes.

"Except that there's one question nobody's asked," scowls Okage. "Umino sniffed at it a bit, but I can't believe the characters-who are supposed to be heroes with magical powers in the present-aren't trying to find the cause of the disaster that happens in 1999-to stop it from happening."

"Maybe they can't do anything to stop it without wrecking the future timeline," says Makoto, rolling her eyes.

"Why don't they want this future to be destroyed?" asks Okage.

"You presuppose that the disaster can be prevented by the characters, Okage _-kun_ ," says Ami.

"No," scowls Okage, "I'm just saying that they should be trying to find out what caused it."

"If you read further," says Umino, "one of the characters, the king, did consider the effect of preventing the disaster. The problem, however, is that the time traveller from the future...is the king and queen's daughter."

"The king and queen," continues Ami, "are the future selves of two of the main characters. I don't think they want to kill their child."

"Frankly," snorts Okage, "the kid technically doesn't exist yet-not for a thousand years. Obviously," he continues, "the couple can just make a new one after the disaster's prevented and cry on each other's shoulders."

"There's the reincarnation issue, Okage," says Makoto sullenly. "The king and queen-along with their present-day selves-can't just make that decision without running into resistance from their friends-who are duty-bound to protect the royal family: including the _nine-year old_ time traveller."

"So the rest of Earth can go to hell?" snarls Okage.

"Actually," says Usagi softly, "reincarnation was considered as an option to save mankind."

"But the cure is worse than the disease," says Umino curtly. "Kill everyone on Earth before the disaster, let the disaster occur on schedule, then wait for the people of Earth to be reincarnated? To a world with almost no food or water?"

"Which is why the main character in present-day ruled it out," says Usagi.

"Yes," grins Touma, "our writer is very kind to rule out omnicide as an option."

"It would be so much easier to simply prevent the disaster, as Okage _-kun_ said," says Umino, "even though the main character and her love interest lose their future daughter. Don't you agree, Hashiba _-san_?"

"Indeed, Umino _-san_ ," says Touma, sighing, "I agree that would be the best solution, as immortality is relative." He writes the number 12,000 on the board, then turns to the class with an expectant look on his face.

The students stare at Touma.

"Ah!" smiles Touma, slapping his forehead. "I forgot to pose the question: what is the significance of the number I've just posted, related to our scenario today?"

The students consider Touma's question. Ami and Umino both gasp in realization.

"I would like someone other than Umino _-san_ and Mizuno _-san_ to answer the question," continues Touma.

The other students mutter, confused about the question.

"It's alright," says Touma. "Keep in mind that our writer-like most writers of science fiction-has a limited sense of scale, and may not even have been aware of this fact. Our sun, the burning nuclear fusion reactor that makes life on Earth possible, will burn out in twelve thousand years."

Usagi blinks, staring at the number _12,000_.

"Which means, of course," continues Touma, "that humanity is, to be blunt, fucked."

The students' eyes widen in shock.

"Earth will slowly become a lifeless rock," says Touma, "and with the survivors immortal, no one will realize the danger of remaining on Earth's crystal paradise until it's too late to act."

"You mean no one will think to build a space station or a starship?" balks Umino.

"We barely think of that now," scoffs Touma. "The first concern of any survivors would be to increase the amount of arable land, as I'd imagine a starving immortality to be unpleasant."

"To be fair," says Ami, "one of the characters' future selves did propose a space station to search for a livable planet near a younger main sequence star, but you are correct: she was shut down."

Umino sighs in relief. "At least the writer had a character who had thought of space travel," he says.

"Why don't the characters warn the world of the impending disaster?" asks Akina.

"In present-day, the main characters are a group of middle school students and one university student," says Makoto, "talking about the Earth becoming a crystal wasteland. What self-respecting government or media outlet would take that seriously?"

"If given compelling evidence," says Umino, "they'd consider it."

"And actively work towards preventing the disaster," says Ami, "while endangering the lives of the protagonists-who would have compelling incentives to interfere in societal efforts to stop the disaster."

"Which is why it makes far more sense for the protagonists themselves to prevent the disaster," says Okage, "and damn the stupid future brat."

Makoto shakes her head in disbelief.

"This is problem solving, Kino _-san_ ," says Touma.

"To the space problem," says a student. "Why don't the survivors create androids? Human-like robots to build the space station and work to clear away the crystals."

"Hm," muses Touma. "How human-like are these androids?"

"Like...humans used to be before the disaster: with limited lifespans. Except being androids, they don't need food or water," says the student.

"So basically," says Okage, "the survivors become gods, and they would create a race of mortal slaves."

"That's horrible," spits Usagi.

"And the fact that this wasn't even considered," says Touma, "indicates the writer's ethical nature. It didn't occur to the writer to have the king or queen create these androids."

"The writer may not have been aware of that option," says Ami, "as he or she wasn't aware of the sun's heat death rendering the characters' efforts to save the disaster survivors moot."

"True," says Touma, nodding.

 _This class is a living hell,_ glowers Makoto silently.

* * *

At Kuwabara's house after school, Usagi-with Ami and Makoto-presents Kuwabara her diary.

"What's with this?" asks Kuwabara as he takes the diary.

"Please open it," says Usagi, "and tell me if there's a problem."

Kuwabara shrugs as he complies, opening the diary. "You have a curse to turn your little brother into a frog written on the first page," he says quizzically, "after a note to Shingo for him to read it aloud."

Usagi nods. "Now please shut it back for me," she says.

Kuwabara obeys the request. "It seems to be in working order," he says.

"A question, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Usagi. "How can you open a locked diary?" she asks, revealing her diary key.

Kuwabara blinks at the key, then opens and shuts the diary. He stares at the lock mechanism, then fiddles with it. "Somebody with a really sharp knife or a tiny pen blowtorch," he says, bringing the diary to Usagi and pointing at the lock mechanism, "cut through the top of the lock."

"That's the problem," says Usagi, wearing a thin, rueful smile.

"Who do you suspect did this?" asks Kuwabara.

"Only two people had the opportunity to do this," says Usagi, trembling, "and Mamoru _-san_ would never invade my privacy. It had to be Sanada _-san_ ," she spits.

"Because Touma _-san_ basically turned the contents of your diary into in-class word problems?" scoffs Makoto.

"How crude," says Ami.

"Problem is," says Kuwabara with a canny smile, "if your scantily-clad alter egos approach Sanada and Hashiba to rightly beat the shit out of them, then they'll think there's more to this than just a girl's active imagination run wild." Kuwabara hands Usagi the book.

"H-how did you know I was thinking that!?" stammers Usagi.

"I'm sure that Ami _-san_ has already disabused you of that idea, Tsukino _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, "and she's wiser than she knows. Those men are stronger than they look."

"I can't ask Rei what to do about this," whimpers Usagi, pouting, "because she's scared of Kuroda _-san_ finding out about the contents of this diary."

"That makes sense," says Kuwabara. "If Hino _-san_ says she has an intimate psychic link with the guy, I don't question it."

"I could always count on Rei to bop me on the head if I do something stupid or careless," continues Usagi. "Now, because of the disaster, I can't..."

"Kuroda _-kun_ is an intelligent man," says Ami, touching her chin. "He won't dismiss the narrative we dissected at school lightly."

"What would you do, Kuwabara _-san_ ," asks Makoto, "if someone...violated you like this? Learned your deepest, most private thoughts?"

"Perspective, Makoto _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, folding his arms. "'Violate' is too strong a word for some nosy dumbass who wanted to read a girl's diary. Anyway," he continues, "here's my guess: Sanada got curious, found some way to cut open your diary, looked through it, and-at worst-copied it for his friends so they could get a good laugh."

"It is absurd when it's all written down," grins Makoto.

Usagi curls into a ball. "It's too bad that it isn't a laughing matter," she hisses.

"You've got to laugh it off," says Kuwabara. "Everyone outside your group-aside from me-who's read this thinks it's just a crazy story," he adds, "so don't do anything to make them think any more about it."

Usagi looks up at Kuwabara a moment, tears in her eyes. "A part of me...is glad that this happened," she says. "Having Umino _-kun_ correct my math, and everybody proposing all of those ideas...they really helped, even if only a little."

"I'll be certain to invoke today's class," says Ami, smirking, "when I propose the Crystal Tokyo space program."

"I'm sure you'll have the notes, Ami," grins Usagi.

"I'm tempted to kill myself on December 30th," says Kuwabara, "just to see if I'm reincarnated."

"We'll be in outer space long before the sun burns out," snorts Makoto. "Touma _-san_ 's too much of a pessimist."

"I wouldn't say that," counters Kuwabara. "'Necessity is the mother of invention'," he adds, "and we humans don't do crazy shit unless and until we think it serves our needs."

"And with immortality," continues Ami, "why would there be a mad rush for us to develop a space program to explore the stars...with so much to do on Earth: now or in the future?"

"We did it back then," says Makoto.

Kuwabara chuckles, grinning. "And if you ladies would quit allowing yourselves magic-induced amnesia," he says, "then you'd recall that it only took one crazy bitch and four assholes commanding an army about a day to fuck it all in the ass."

"You're even more cynical than Touma _-san_ ," pouts Makoto.

"Hashiba and I both know that we humans are full of shit most of the time," says Kuwabara. "Under the circumstances, civilization of any kind is a miracle unto itself."

Usagi sighs.

"I'd bet a part of you wants to at least do the heroic thing and find out what caused the disaster," Kuwabara continues, "but you should quit thinking about fairness, Tsukino _-san_."

Usagi's eyes widen, along with Ami and Makoto's own.

"Life isn't fair," says Kuwabara thoughtfully, "so why cry about being given a lucky break?"

"I'd hardly call losing my whole family and most of my friends lucky, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Usagi.

"I stand to lose my parents as well," says Ami curtly, "not to mention you, Kazuma _-san_."

"I guess I'm the luckiest girl in this room," grins Makoto.

"What?" snorts Kuwabara. "You have nothing left to lose, Kino _-san_?"

"Nothing against you, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Makoto, "but certain people I believed in...aren't the people I thought they were."

"As I said," says Kuwabara, placing a hand on Makoto's shoulder, "we're all full of shit at times. Don't take that to heart so much."

Ami rubs her arms. "You're being horrid, Kazuma _-san_ ," she says.

"Then don't worry about losing me so much," says Kuwabara, a mischievious glint in his eyes.

"Come now," says Makoto as she helps Usagi to her feet, "you have good qualities to offset your bad ones-which make you irresistible to Ami."

"I wouldn't go that far," says Ami playfully, teasing Kuwabara's hair.

"Some would say you may have gone too far with Kuwabara _-san_ already," says Usagi.

"Only as far as you have with Mamoru _-san_ , Usagi," quips Ami.

Usagi pouts, trying to stifle a laugh.

"And what about you and Date _-san_ , Makoto?" continues Ami.

"Nope," says Makoto. "Unlike Date _-san_ ," she continues coolly, "Kuwabara _-san_ is always who he claims to be."

"Just a jackass who tries to be a decent, honest man," says Kuwabara, "and to be fair to Date, so is he."

"But you just said recently-*" begins Makoto.

"-that life isn't fair...nor is it consistent," says Kuwabara. "You women make things hard for us," he adds, "and we can't be hard all of the time."

"And on that thinly-veiled attempt at a perverted joke," says Ami, giggling, "we'll take our leave." She bows to Kuwabara; Usagi and Makoto follow suit.

Kuwabara sighs after the three girls leave his house. He takes out a photo of Saitou, setting it next to a photo of his mother in the family shrine. " _Sempai_ ," he says quietly, "their hearts are so heavy. I was glad...to get them smiling a bit. No matter how bitter you might have been in the past," Kuwabara continues, "I don't think you ever wanted them to suffer like this."

"You would be right, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou, kneeling next to him.

* * *

Kuwabara grins crudely at Saitou, the ghost wearing his Dark Kingdom uniform and his Shiba High hat. "If your goal is to drag me down to hell with you," he says, "you'll have to do a better job of scaring me to death than that."

"Actually," says Saitou, "Reikai hasn't decided what to do with the four of us yet."

"What's to decide!?" balks Kuwabara. "I like you and Hanataro _-sempai_ , but you two and Sanjouin should all be sucking off the devil's frozen nutsack in the ninth circle."

"Because we betrayed Chiba, basically," says Saitou. "Treason isn't an easy offense to forgive. But to the gods," he continues, "our sins weren't heavy enough to justify casting us into Tartarus, where we would otherwise go. Our souls are too powerful to send to hell."

"That's right," says Kuwabara. "You four assholes were demigods."

Saitou nods. "Not in the classical understanding of it, like the heroes of antiquity," he says, in his true voice as Kunzite. "Rather, the four of us were rare humans who possessed godlike qualities: except for our mortality, we effectively were gods."

Kuwabara stares at Saitou, who fiddles with his hat. "And I tried to pick a fucking fight with you," he says, bashful.

Saitou smiles. "You're very young, Kazuma _-kun_ ," he says. "There's still a great deal-*"

"None of this should concern you, Kunzite _-sama_ ," says Toshitada gravely as he appears before Saitou, "as you are no longer among the living."

Saitou, squaring his shoulders, frowns at Toshitada. "This is true, Kouma _-kun_ ," he says, "though I do assert that Kazuma _-kun_ has the right to know."

"That is not your place, Kunzite _-sama_ ," says Toshitada, firm. "Let Kuwabara _-kun_ be."

"Wait," says Kuwabara to the ghost and _shinigami_. "What do I have the right to know?"

"Ask yourself this, Kazuma _-kun_ ," says Saitou. "Are you a duck or a swan?" He nods to Toshitada, then heads toward an astral portal.

"I don't understand that question," muses Toshitada, furrowing his brow as he approaches the portal. He leaves with Saitou.

Kuwabara smiles sadly, then removes Saitou's photo from his mother's shrine. "I ask your forgiveness, _okaasan_ ," he says respectfully, "for having that guy impose on you. He was a very bad person," Kuwabara continues, "but he was also a friend...who taught me a lot."

* * *

Kuwabara studies his mother's photo. "I understand...why you held me back," he says. "You wanted me to live a normal life, and get along well with others: you didn't want me to feel lonely and isolated."

"And yet," Kuwabara grins crudely, "you were the first person to teach me that crazy and arcane shit happens. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was, _okaasan_ ," says Shizuru as she walks up to the shrine. "You should have given me the little sister I wanted," she continues, smiling, "instead of foisting this stubborn dumbass onto the world."

Kuwabara pouts.

Kuwabara and Shizuru's father, behind them, grabs his son and daughter by the shoulder and draws them both to him. "I will gladly accept my contributions to Kazuma's cynicism," he says, "but the stubbornness is all from your side, beloved."

Shizuru wipes away a tear. "I'm going back upstairs," she says, sighing. She heads up the stairs to her room.

The two Kuwabara men stare at the shrine a moment, not looking at each other.

Kuwabara's father, trembling, studies Kuwabara. "I...didn't have the balls to try what you tried to do back then...right after she died," he says, an understanding smile on his lips.

"I could have died myself," snorts Kuwabara. "I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. Story of my life since age eight, when I think about it."

Kuwabara's father chuckles. "I'm not one to dole out wise bits of manly advice," he says, "because your self-awareness comes from me-so I know that I'm full of shit most of the time."

Kuwabara rolls his eyes.

"Still," Kuwabara's father continues, looking over his sunglasses into his son's eyes. "Don't ever let go of the ones you love."

Kuwabara blinks at his father.

"That...was weighing on my heart today," says Kuwabara's father, "so I thought I'd share it and unburden myself."

"You're a selfish asshole," says Kuwabara.

"What can I say to that, Kazuma?" says Kuwabara's father. "I like to live a life without regrets." He leaves the house.

Kuwabara sits on the couch, staring despondently at his mother's photo. "I...I miss you," he says quietly.

* * *

"Thank you again for doing this," says Naru, standing with Rei as the other girl finishes the purification ritual.

Naru's father scratches his head. "I don't understand the point of this, Naru," he muses. "Despite my failure to be a good husband," he continues, "I still love your mother very much, and if I thought it would work, I would gladly court her again without Sanjouin _-kun's_ assistance."

"Sanjouin _-san_...wasn't the nicest man, _otousan_ ," says Naru. "My heart was just determined to love him anyway."

"She had a dream about him recently," says Rei, "and thought she would be better safe than sorry."

"Oh," quips Naru's father, "so you _did_ understand why your mother was worried sick about you."

"And my friends," says Naru, pinching Rei's arm, "to the point where I still believe they summoned the Sailor _senshi_ to kidnap me."

Rei hides a grin. _No sense in wasting your virginity on the likes of Nephrite,_ she says to herself as she places an _ofuda_ over the shelf. _Besides, it was Kuwabara-kun who held you at gunpoint...with a toy gun._

"And why were you alone at that fellow's home?" asks Naru's father.

"I was going to spend a quiet weekend with him," says Naru.

"I can imagine," says Naru's father. "Your mother and I spent quite a few weekends together."

"You must have really been holding back a lot, _otousan_ ," says Naru.

"When I saw you berating Gurio _-kun_ at that dinner party, I wanted to geld the long-haired bastard," grins Naru's father ruefully.

Naru stares at her father.

"Your father's just expressing his concern in the most apologetic way possible," says Rei.

"Ah," says Naru's father. "Rei _-san_ : what would it take for you to accept that we men are just imperfect hypocrites, and love us anyway?"

"Infidelity is unbecoming of a man," says Rei coolly.

"There are worse things for men to be," says Naru's father.

"Rei wants us to express contrition," smirks Rei's father as he enters, "and for us to forswear women and become monks."

"I would not ask you to do the impossible, _otousan_ ," says Rei.

"Let's go for a drink, Hino _-san_ ," says Naru's father, "and leave our young women to their false pieties." Grinning, he and Rei's father leave the study.

" _Oi_! Don't lump me in with her!" fumes Naru.

"My piety is hardly false," says Rei.

"Oh, please," says Naru playfully. "You're probably carrying Kuroda _-kun's_ child by now."

"Take that back!" pouts Rei. "Right now!"

"A friend of mine told me that you made out with him in your room," continues Naru.

"I won't even dignify that with a response, Naru," says Rei, blushing as she leaves the study.

Naru sighs, shaking her head as she exits the study.

* * *

Toshitada, eyes wide with disbelief, shuts a manila folder. _I...shouldn't find this so surprising,_ he muses silently. _Enma-daiousama is a god, after all,_ he continues, _and he is within his rights to know about the yoroi._

 _However, the fact that he appears interested in controlling them...is rather disturbing,_ says Toshitada to himself as he arrives at Enma's office. _What use would a god have for the yoroi?_

Composing himself, Toshitada enters Enma's office; he floats to Enma's desk and places the folders inside the _INBOX_ , then returns to the ground and exits the office.

Toshitada sighs. "These tasks are so monotonous," he mutters. "Still," he continues, resolute, "I must do my best, with any duty set before me."

Toshitada returns to his cubicle...only to discover Nasuti sitting on his desk, wearing only a sheer _yukata_.

"Do you have time," says Nasuti coyly, twirling a strand of hair around her finger, "to play with me a bit?"

Toshitada gives Nasuti a knowing smirk. "It would be my pleasure to ease your boredom...Kuroda _-dono_ ," he says, walking past Nasuti and away from his cubicle.

Nasuti folds her arms, an indignant pout on her face; she then vanishes.

Chuckling, Toshitada teleports out of Reikai.

* * *

"I would have thought that you'd enjoy my little gift, Toshitada _-kun_ ," drawls Kuroda, a lopsided grin on his face as he shakes a bottle of _sake_.

"For what purpose have you summoned me, Kuroda _-dono_?" asks Toshitada evenly. "Aside from mocking my reckless lust for Nasuti _-dono_ , that is?"

"Didn't you swear that you would take the woman as your bride?" sneers Kuroda.

"Neither of us were entirely ourselves at the time," says Toshitada. "When you started to return to yourself," he continues, "you had nearly killed...I see."

"You see...?" grins Kuroda. "And what do you see, Toshitada _-kun..._?"

"That your concern for Rei _-dono_ has blossomed into something more," says Toshitada.

"That silly girl!?" spits Kuroda. "My lovely, self-righteous twit with her smoldering eyes? With soft, creamy skin and lips formed to please me with her sweetness?" he sighs.

"Confront her yourself," says Toshitada curtly.

"She's running from me, Toshitada _-kun_ ," pouts Kuroda. "I can't walk up to her and ask her anything."

"Unless someone's..." Toshitada trails off, noting a dangerous glint in Kuroda's working eye. "Unless you want me to drag us _both_ to hell," he continues, "you will have to focus on some other matter until Rei _-dono_ is in a place where she is ready to speak with you."

"That's the problem," says Kuroda. "Yamanouchi _-dono_ foretells our death in about six years. The world will turn into crystal, and most of mankind will die."

Toshitada sighs.

"You think this is the _sake_ speaking," Kuroda continues, "but that is foolish. _Sake_ only unlocks that which was already within."

"Which is why you never drank so much _sake_ before tonight," says Toshitada.

"Aside from the lords of your own clan, Oda _-sama_ was the only lord you had ever placed complete trust in," says Kuroda. "Surely you don't trust Enma _-daiousama_ , a fellow who allowed innocent _koorime_ to be tortured for their tears by that fat bastard, to have the best interests of wicked men like us at his heart."

Toshitada stares at Kuroda.

"Do you know the hell that Yukina _-dono_ endured?" asks Kuroda.

"The same 'fat bastard' you refer to held her prisoner for nine years," says Toshitada.

"I lay that at the feet of the gods," says Kuroda. "Excepting Koenma _-sama_ , who acted justly, all of the gods turned a blind eye to Yukina _-dono's_ suffering."

Toshitada touches his chin.

"Would this be the case if Tarukane _-kun_ were a _yokai_ , and Yukina _-dono_ were human?" asks Kuroda.

"I would think such to be irrelevant," says Toshitada. "Why do you care anyway?"

"My sweet one, Rei _-dono_ , is consecrating herself to a prisoner's life of celibacy," says Kuroda quietly. "A dull life of duty and obligation to which her heart is ill-suited-to say nothing of her exquisite young body, uniquely suited to my own. Her soul is ill because of this crystal disaster business, so I care: as her soul and mine are one."

Toshitada massages his temples.

"As you normally question every matter," continues Kuroda, "I would impose this question on you, Toshitada _-kun_ : why don't _you_ care?"

Toshitada blinks at Kuroda, stunned.

Kuroda stands, drunkenly reentering the Date mansion.

* * *

A week passes.

Yamanouchi knocks on the door to Yusuke's apartment. "I know you're alive in there!" he says.

Cranky and tired, Yusuke opens the door. "Who are you," he spits, "and what the hell do you want?"

"Aren't you that kid that was harassing Kouma a few months ago?" asks Yamanouchi. "You were dead at the time."

Yusuke studies Yamanouchi. "Oh, yeah..." he says. "You're that asshole who was chasing after Botan."

"Yamanouchi Naotoki, you fool," says Yamanouchi. He notes a bottle of liquor. "This yours?" he asks.

"No, it's my ma's," says Yusuke. "Don't touch it."

"I'm thirsty," counters Yamanouchi as he opens the bottle. He starts to take a swig...

...only to receive a punch to his gut from Atsuko for his trouble. "Don't fuck with my booze, you ass!" spits Atsuko.

Yamanouchi, winded, stares at Atsuko. "This lusty young bitch is your mother?" he asks.

"She was about my age when she popped me out," Yusuke shrugs. "Maybe a year older."

"Why are you acting like that's so unusual?" asks Yamanouchi.

Yusuke grabs Yamanouchi. "Because nowadays," he hisses into Yamanouchi's ear, "girls that age don't make babies if they can help it. Now what do you want?"

"I've been having bad dreams lately," says Yamanouchi, sitting on the couch. "But I could explain it better if I were drunk."

Atsuko clutches her bottle of liquor protectively.

"But as your mother's not sharing at present," Yamanouchi continues, "let's go out and get drunk together!"

"If it'll get you out of my house, fine," mutters Yusuke. He and Yamanouchi leave.

* * *

"You cannot enter, Urameshi _-kun_!" says Toshitada sternly. "Koenma _-sama_ is in a very important meeting with his father, Enma _-daiousama_."

"Fuck that! I'm Koenma's detective," Yusuke adds, displaying his Reikai badge, "which means I outrank your ass. Now move!"

"This is a gross abuse of your rank, Urameshi _-kun_ ," says Toshitada.

"Since when have either of us really given a shit about that?" demands Yusuke, locking eyes with Toshitada.

"I don't," scowls Toshitada, meeting Yusuke's challenging stare with one of his own.

Yusuke pouts at Toshitada. "Look, we both do our jobs the best way we know how," he says. "You know all the samurai protocol bullshit, and I know how to punch guys in the face."

Toshitada studies Yusuke.

"But being a Reikai detective ain't always about that," continues Yusuke. "Sometimes, it's about helping people-human and _yokai_ -sort out their problems."

"So, then," says Toshitada, "you believe that you're fulfilling your duty."

Yusuke nods.

"Your disruption of the work of the gods is unacceptable, Urameshi _-kun_ ," says Toshitada evenly as he turns aside.

"Take it up with that drunk asshole outside," says Yusuke, headed towards the door to Koenma's office. "It's his fault." He enters the office.

Silent, Toshitada steps outside the gates of Reikai, where Yamanouchi drinks Atsuko's bottle of liquor.

* * *

"What the hell do you want, Yusuke!?" demands Koenma. "I don't have you on any cases right now!"

"A case approached me," says Yusuke. "It's about your old man Enma."

"Would you at least use the proper honorific when talking about my dad?" says Koenma, pouting.

Yusuke snorts. "Look, that Yamanouchi guy has had some bad dreams about Enma ordering people to kill a baby of someone he knows," he says, "and since he has strong _reikan_ like Kuwabara, I'm willing to trust him on that."

Koenma gives Yusuke a skeptical look.

"All I want is for us to look into any pending infant deaths," Yusuke continues.

"If the baby in question is scheduled to die, then it's out of everyone's hands, including mine," says Koenma. "Furthermore, I refuse to believe my father is capable of murder. Now get out until I summon you for a case!"

Yusuke glares at Koenma a moment, then leaves.

* * *

"I just want to lay low here, Toshi _-chan_ ," says Yamanouchi, "at least until I can visit Fuan, Xiao _-dono_ , and Lee _-chan_."

"You want to avoid a beating from Urameshi _-kun_ 's mother," grins Toshitada crudely. "Don't you, Naotoki _-kun_?"

"Don't use that honorific with me!" spits Yamanouchi. "I outrank you!"

"You haven't outranked me in centuries...Yamanouchi _-dono_ ," says Toshitada, sighing. "I'm dead, and it's all rather irrelevant now."

"I hate this stupid era," pouts Yamanouchi. "I have to work like a lowly, money-grubbing merchant."

"Come on," says Yusuke, scowling as he approaches Yamanouchi and Toshitada. "The divine brat wouldn't even hear me out."

"Koenma's a bureaucrat, isn't he?" asks Yamanouchi.

"Kind of," says Yusuke.

"They live in their own world of paperwork and numbers, far removed from the lives their edicts govern," Yamanouchi says with disgust. "Let's go." He and Yusuke leave.

Sighing, Toshitada bows his head. "Please forgive Yamanouchi _-dono_ for his foolish blasphemy," he says.

"He's forgiven," says Koenma, appearing next to Toshitada. "It's Yusuke I can't stand half the time."

"What did Urameshi _-kun_ say to you?" asks Toshitada.

"Yusuke thinks that my dad's going to order a hit on a baby based on that drunk idiot's dreams," says Koenma, annoyed.

"While it does seem implausible," says Toshitada, squaring his shoulders, "I would still investigate the matter. It's rare for Urameshi _-kun_ to show such great initiative," he continues, "so Yamanouchi _-dono_ 's premonitions must hold some weight."

"And what is your basis for this conclusion?" asks Koenma.

Toshitada touches his chin, thinking.

"We're swamped enough here as it is!" Koenma spits. "Why would I waste manpower and resources investigating my father? Who-please keep this in mind-is the ruler of Reikai and would have no interest in killing a human baby!?"

"Your point is valid, Koenma _-sama_ ," says Toshitada. "However, I would not dismiss Yamanouchi _-dono_ so quickly. Drunkard or no, he has abilities that Kuwabara _-kun_ is only now beginning to grasp."

Koenma pouts at Toshitada. _Toshitada's so earnest about this, and he has no reason to defend Yusuke..._ muses Koenma. "I'll make a note of it," he says aloud to Toshitada. "Now return to work."

"Yes, Koenma _-sama_ ," says Toshitada.

* * *

Shuu answers the door after peeking through the keyhole. "Guys! Come in, come in!" he says.

Ryo, Seiji, Nasuti, Touma, Shin, Jun, Sasaki, Kayura, and Yamanouchi all enter Shuu's apartment with Byakuen. Kuroda starts to enter; but Shuu, smirking, blithely slams the door in his face, hitting Kuroda's nose.

"You won't be rid of me that easily, Fuan _-kun_ ," says Kuroda, entering before Shuu could lock the door.

"The blame falls on me," says Ryo. "I invited him along."

Shuu shakes his head. "I'm less irritated with him than I am with you guys," he says to Ryo.

Ryo blinks at Shuu.

"First you opened a girl's diary," continues Shuu, scowling at Ryo and Touma, "then broadcasted its contents to her classmates."

Touma pouts. "It was a teachable moment," he says.

Byakuen growls softly.

" _You're_ the worst of them all, you cat-napper!" fumes Shuu.

Byakuen lowers his head.

"I share some guilt as well," says Seiji, rubbing his jaw. "Makoto _-san_ made my jaw pay for it."

"Good for her," says Shuu.

"You were all unkind to do those things to Usagi _-san_ ," adds Xiao, cross.

"It's a sad day when Kuroda exercises more sense than you guys," continues Shuu.

Kuroda rolls his working eye. 

Yamanouchi, meanwhile, hands Xiao a charm. "This is for your infant," he says, grinning. "It should ward off evil."

"Where did you get that?" asks Sasaki, wary of the disturbing charm.

"I had gone to my mother's house to get my old charm I had over my bed as a child," says Yamanouchi. "Some bastard named Shigure won it from her in a game of _hanafuda_ -which she's terrible at, so I..."

The others stare at Yamanouchi, wide-eyed.

"I drunk Shigure under the table and took my charm back," says Yamanouchi, annoyed. "I'm not stupid enough to pick a fight with a _yokai_ as strong as him. Got his _sake_ , too," he adds, presenting a bottle of odd-colored fluid.

" _Sake_ from the Makai isn't safe for human consumption," notes Kuroda, "not even for those of us preserved by the Youjekai."

"Yamanouchi _-kun_ is taking advantage of the fact that he can move freely through Reikai's barrier," notes Kayura.

"The simple fact is: by _yokai_ standards, Yamanouchi _-dono_ is quite weak," adds Kuroda.

Yamanouchi scowls at Kuroda, and leans close to Shuu. "Now I understand why you didn't want the bastard over," he says.

Shuu grins.

Kuroda takes the charm from Xiao, studies it for a moment, then hangs it on the mobile over Lee's crib. He gazes down at Lee, who sleeps peacefully.

* * *

 _I warned them both, little one,_ Kuroda muses. _You're fortunate to be born to loving parents._

 _"Xiao-san," said Kuroda to Shuu's father, "is a lovely young lady."_

 _"I know," said Shuu's father, peeling potatoes._

 _"Her beauty can bring joy or sorrow to your house," continued Kuroda._

 _Shuu's father nods. "Men and women are only human," he said. "Is that what you're saying?"_

 _"It would be best if you considered Xiao-san your daughter-in-law, rather than your daughter," said Kuroda._

 _"Just say what you mean," said Shuu's father, annoyed. "You think that Shuu is impulsive enough to forget his kinship with Xiao."_

 _"I know a man's limitations, Fuan-dono," said Kuroda. "It's best to approach the matter with understanding."_

 _Shuu's father smiled. "I would never condemn my children. All damnation for Rei Shuu and Yen Xiao's actions will be laid at the feet of North Korea. Or a bit of ire for the United States," Shuu's father continued, "for not allowing Korea and China proper retribution against Japan."_

 _"You would have that war continue for another fifty years. Americans pick up their toys and head home after ten," scoffed Kuroda._

 _"Japan was meant to be a dominion of China," quipped Shuu's father._

 _"Are we seriously discussing politics when the topic was your family's welfare?" asked Kuroda._

 _"Politics doesn't exist in a vacuum," said Shuu's father. "Politics turned Shuu and Xiao into strangers."_

 _Kuroda nodded._

 _Be good to your parents, little one,_ says Kuroda silently, _or you shall deal with me._

* * *

"Enma _-daiousama_ ," says a voice over Enma's speakerphone, "I'm in position. Shall it begin?"

"Do it," says Enma.

"Yes, sir," says the voice.

Enma hangs up the speakerphone, then looks down at Koenma. "You have no business with me today, my son," he says to Koenma.

Koenma gulps down air as he struggles to look up to Enma. "My chief operative in Ningenkai reports an unusual premonition from an individual with strong _reikan_ ," he says, doing his best to keep his tone even. "Detective Urameshi took personal initiative and brought the intelligence directly to me."

"Isn't this Urameshi the one who damaged the sacred treasures you ordered him to retrieve?" asks Enma.

"Yes, father," says Koenma, silently cursing Yusuke as he recalls the spanking he had received from Enma. "Nonetheless, Urameshi has continued to serve Reikai well, particularly during the Makai-ju Incident. He has also vanquished several dangerous _yokai_ felons," he continues, "including Rando, the serial killer."

Enma raises an eyebrow.

"While Urameshi is reckless, he does get results," continues Koenma.

Enma glares at Koenma. "I don't like him. He disregards authority," continues the god, "and doesn't know his place."

Koenma winces.

"Give me the intelligence," Enma orders. "What is this premonition?"

"It's based on a spiritually-attuned human's dream, and alone would be poor intelligence," says Koenma as he floats up to Enma and hands him a videotape and a manila folder. "It is thanks to one of my _shinigami_ that we were able to run a proper precognitive analysis on the dream."

"And?" asks Enma.

Koenma trembles. "It states...that you will send someone to kill an infant as part of a ritual sacrifice," he says, reluctant to accuse Enma of wrongdoing. "The sacrifice is part of a plan to encase the earth in crystal, and will reach fruition in the year 1999."

Enma reviews the folder, then drops it onto the desk dismissively. "Premonitions, particularly from mortal creatures such as humans, are notoriously imprecise," he says. "We must not rely on them."

Koenma stares at his father.

"In fact," Enma continues, "your analysis states that the date this infant will be killed-presumably at my order-is _today_ , exactly at this moment-*"

The speakerphone rings.

"Hold on," says Enma to Koenma as he answers the phone. "Enma speaking."

"Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Toshitada over the speakerphone. "I was assigned to North America today, and I came to an apartment. There is an incident...an infant is covered in blood," Toshitada continues.

Koenma trembles, his eyes wide as he continues to stare at Enma; the elder god's expression impassive.

"Was the infant scheduled to die at this time?" asks Enma, irritated.

"Yes," says Toshitada, "except that it's _not_ the infant's blood."

"What!?" demands Enma, his eyes wide as he nearly leaps to his feet.


	24. Elixir 17

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #17** : I've never had a reason to question why before.

byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

"The blood belongs to the would-be assailant, who is quite dead," Toshitada reports in his Reikai Compact.

"As I doubt the infant killed the assailant," says Enma's voice, "who did?"

Toshitada sighs, recognizing the green armor as the Yoroi no Doku. "Yamanouchi Naotoki," he says as he removes the armor's helmet to reveal a dazed, unseeing Yamanouchi.

"Is Yamanouchi conscious?" asks Enma.

"No, my liege," says Toshitada. "The infant, Fuan Yang Lee, is awake and well-all things considered. Yamanouchi, however, remains in a trance."

"Then go, before Yamanouchi awakens. You will report directly to me," orders Enma.

"Yes, sir," says Toshitada, ending the call to Enma. After saying a brief prayer for the departed assassin, and ensuring Lee's safety, Toshitada leaves...

...just as Shuu enters.

* * *

"What the hell happened, Yamanouchi!?" demands Shuu, panicking.

"I don't know!" shrieks Yamanouchi. "I don't recall summoning Doku-and for the record, I have to be sober to do it!"

Shuu sighs. "Look-I'm just relieved that Lee is unhurt. Who is this bastard...or what's left of him?"

"This is definitely my handiwork," says Yamanouchi grimly as he stares at the bloody, eviscerated remains of the invader. "Except I...I would have remembered doing this."

"Perhaps it was this charm," says Xiao, taking the charm off the mobile; she trembles as she cleans Lee, who babbles cheerfully. "Naotoki _-san_ , you did say that it would attract interested spirits who would protect Lee from evil."

"Do I _look_ like a spirit, Xiao _-dono_?" spits Yamanouchi.

"Maybe the interested spirits took control of you to protect Lee," says Shuu.

Kayura arrives, noting the charm in Xiao's hand. She snatches it away and studies it.

"Give that back to Xiao _-dono_ , Kayura _-dono_ ," says Yamanouchi.

"I only need to study this talisman for a moment, Yamanouchi _-kun_ ," says Kayura. She vanishes.

Xiao washes her hands of the invader's blood while Shuu retrieves a fresh set of infant pajamas for Lee. Yamanouchi curls himself into a ball as he stares at the flayed corpse.

* * *

Asleep in her bed, Rei shivers.

In her dream, Rei looks around, trembling from the cold. "Why am I at D-Point?" she asks, rubbing her arms. "And why is it so cold?"

"Your altercation at D-Point is the strongest point of reference in your mind, Hino Rei," says a deep voice.

"I know," says Rei, "but it was never _this_ cold. Something's wrong."

"If you would like," says the voice as a massive body appears, "I can rescind the bond entirely."

Rei's eyes widen. "You...you've blocked the link," she says, "between myself and Rajura."

"Yes," says the enormous figure. "The business we must discuss cannot reach unintended ears."

"And what business do we have," asks Rei, "Enma _-daiousama_?"

* * *

Xiao notes Kuroda, awake and shivering. She touches his forehead. "No fever, Kuroda _-san_ ," she says. "What's wrong?"

Kuroda stares at Xiao. "Xiao _-dono_ ," he says quietly, trembling with a pleading expression on his face. "Do you have Rei _-dono_ 's telephone number?"

Xiao blinks. "No," she says. "Only Ami _-san_ 's."

"I...I'm cold. I must speak with Rei _-dono_ ," says Kuroda, rubbing his arms. "It's...too cold. So cold..."

Shuu rushes into the living room, grabs the phone, dials a number, and hands Kuroda the phone receiver. Ryo and Touma also enter the living room, worried expressions on their faces.

Kuroda stares at Shuu. "How...?" he asks wonderingly.

"When you blathered on about whatever and mentioned a lady friend-before my trip to Tahiti," grins Shuu, "I had asked you where that lady's school was-as I figured you'd want her phone number at some point: mostly to annoy her."

Kuroda smiles gently, even as he clings to the phone receiver with a death grip.

* * *

"Help me to understand, Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Rei. "There was an untimely death which was to be the catalyst for the Crystal Disaster," she continues, "and that death was prevented...due to someone altering the timeline."

"Yes," says Enma. "I must act quickly to restore the timeline, and I cannot have anyone interfere."

"Why does it matter to you if the disaster is averted?" asks Rei, wary.

"That is irrelevant," says Enma. "However, if matters stand as they are, the future as you know it to be will not exist-which includes any life produced in that future."

Rei's eyes widen; she then sets a determined look on her face. "I understand," she says. "I will ensure that the _senshi_ do not interfere."

" _No one_ must interfere," says Enma, stern as he looks into Rei's eyes. "There are other forces who seek to prevent the disaster."

Rei studies Enma.

"So I ask once more: do you wish to rescind the soul bond between yourself and Kuroda Jirogorou?" asks Enma.

"Enma _-daiousama_ , I cannot decide such without consulting him," says Rei carefully. "I had imposed the bond onto him," she continues, "inadvertently: as an act of self-defense. Nonetheless, the bond has remained for five years, and to rescind it abruptly without his knowledge would be imprudent."

"His consent is not required," says Enma. "Allow me to rescind the bond."

"I..." begins Rei, trembling. "Please, Enma _-daiousama_ ," she says. "Don't compel me to break the bond."

"As long as that bond remains," scowls Enma, "you will not be able to fulfill your duty."

"I... I...hear ringing," says Rei, turning towards a small sun. She touches the sun...

...and wakes up in her bed, then groggily picks up the phone.

* * *

"An answer..." gasps Kuroda.

" _Moshi-moshi_. Hino residence; Rei speaking," says Rei's voice tiredly over the phone.

"Rei!" cries Kuroda, sighing in relief. "Are you well...?" he asks.

"Y-yes...I am, Kuroda _-kun_..." says Rei.

"Then...we will talk," says Kuroda, his relieved expression becoming stony. He hangs up the phone...then disappears.

"The hell..!?" balks Shuu.

"Does he do that often?" wonders Xiao. "I thought that only Kayura _-kun_ could do that."

"It's a talent of theirs," says Touma wryly. "Kuroda only pulls that stunt on special occassions, though."

Shuu and Ryo glare at Touma, who gives his fellow Troopers a cheesy grin.

* * *

"Kuroda _-kun_...?" says Rei, noting the dial tone...

...only to vanish before she can hang up the phone.

* * *

Rei stares at Kuroda moments later, noting her presence in the Youjekai.

Kuroda embraces Rei. "Rei..." he whispers, kissing Rei's forehead. "Rei _-dono_..."

Rei trembles as she returns Kuroda's embrace, resisting the urge to kiss him.

"Who...?" glowers Kuroda quietly as he ends the embrace. "Who dared to try and tear you away from me, Rei _-dono_?" he demands, gazing into Rei's eyes.

Rei sighs; her body glows faintly with a red aura...linked with Kuroda's own. "I...never realized...just how strong this bond truly is," she says, "or how _accustomed_ to it I would become, Kuroda _-kun_."

"One accepts readily that which cannot be changed," states Kuroda. "Now," he continues, "please do me the courtesy of answering my question."

"I would ask that you don't talk to me like a child," says Rei, annoyed, "but you're old enough to have sired my immediate ancestors."

"Very well," says Kuroda. "I will learn my enemy's identity another time. May I ask about the Crystal Disaster?"

"What specifically do you want to know?" asks Rei.

"Why must it come to pass?" asks Kuroda.

"You don't need to know that," says Rei.

Kuroda chuckles softly. "Your heart is too honest for such obfuscation, Rei _-dono_ ," he says, a look of understanding in his visible eye.

"I won't tell you," spits Rei. "I don't care what you sense."

"Then surely you understand why I'm concerned," says Kuroda.

"Yes!" seethes Rei. "To the point where you've been trying to kill yourself with alcohol poisoning just to get at me."

"So I, a man who has long come of age, am not permitted to wallow in drunkenness?" smiles Kuroda.

Rei scowls at Kuroda.

"I tease," says Kuroda, "but only because I adore you a great deal. You're so amusing to me."

"I know you're worried about your friends," says Rei, "but the matter is out of my hands. I will say no more than that."

"Then at least satisfy my curiosity with this: if someone dies," asks Kuroda, "will that provoke this disaster, which is meant to come to pass?"

"I will not say, one way or another, Kuroda _-kun_ ," says Rei. "Now please whisk me back home."

"A wife is not to defy her husband, Rei _-dono_ ," says Kuroda.

Rei folds her arms. "Then divorce me," she says coolly.

Kuroda laughs gently. "So, is that something that fellow wants you to do?" he asks.

Rei continues to gaze at Kuroda.

"You don't have to answer me," says Kuroda, "for the truth is self-evident. Beware, Rei _-dono_ ," he continues. "While the immediate advantages to rescinding our soul covenant are obvious, you have only just tasted the toll it will take on you. You have proven wise not to make that choice lightly."

"You would rather be bound to me until death?" wonders Rei.

"Not once have I regretted your actions, Rei _-dono_ ," says Kuroda gravely. "Between you and my late comrade," he continues, "you have saved my soul."

Rei studies Kuroda thoughtfully.

"I warn you: if you obey the demands of that fellow," says Kuroda, "then you and your friends will travel down another path leading to darkness."

"And yet," says Rei, "duty is duty: it is a path I must follow. You cannot ask that I waver from that path."

"You are not a samurai, Rei _-dono_ ," counters Kuroda. "No matter your chosen role, you have no reason to be compelled by obligation."

"I won't be swayed on this, Kuroda _-kun_ ," spits Rei. "Now let this-*"

Yamanouchi, wearing only a pair of _hakama_ and _geta_ , storms past the pair.

Kuroda blinks. "What are you doing _here_!?" he demands, grabbing Yamanouchi's arm.

"I am here on business," says Yamanouchi, snatching his arm away from Kuroda's grip.

"You told us that you were returning to work," says Kuroda, astonished.

"I lied," spits Yamanouchi. "Don't bother me." With that, Yamanouchi strides to the main castle.

Kuroda stares at Yamanouchi's retreating form a moment, then returns his focus to Rei...

...who runs toward the _torii_ to summon the gate to Tokyo.

Kuroda sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

* * *

"So that's why you jackasses kidnapped Usagi _-san's_ cat," says Shuu quizzically to Ryo and Touma. "You believe that what Usagi _-san_ wrote in her diary is _real_ -and will come to pass."

Ryo nods.

"Worse, someone wants to make sure that disaster happens," adds Touma, "and he's willing to press-gang Rei and her friends into playing along."

"Proof?" asks Shuu.

"You think I-of all people-am latching onto shit without evidence?" balks Touma.

"This is hard for me to swallow," says Shuu.

"Think," says Touma. "Kuroda would never just randomly zap himself to the Youjekai; he has a reason for that."

"Privacy as he fucks Rei senseless in his old bedroom?" muses Shuu.

"She would rip off his balls before he got started," says Ryo, "bond or no bond."

"I still don't understand this bond junk too well, either," continues Shuu.

Ryo sighs. "Their thoughts, their emotions, their dreams, even their memories: they're all linked," he explains, "and no earthly power can break the connection."

"Which indicates that a possible unearthly power found a way to block Kuroda's bond with Rei," says Touma.

"So," drawls Shuu, "while Rei was in her pajamas at three in the morning Tokyo time sleeping," he continues, glancing at a clock, "some godly or demonic entity entered her dreams and blocked Kuroda's link with her."

"It's far too late for any of us to be skeptical of this shit," says Touma, "least of all from a jackass who once dreamt of blasting sand dunes with his Gantessai."

"Fuck you!" spits Shuu. "That shit happened."

"Then it stands to reason that Yamanouchi's dreams might come to pass," says Touma soberly, glancing at Lee's crib.

"And again: somebody wants to make sure it happens," adds Ryo.

"Who?" demands Shuu, glowering at Ryo.

"The boss of that guy who tried to kill Lee-you know: the guy whose spleen is probably still rotting under the crib," says Touma.

Lee babbles.

"Guys," says Shuu quietly. "I don't need this kind of stress. Just...go home."

"Shuu..." says Ryo, hurt.

"Get out," spits Shuu.

Ryo sighs. "Let's pack," he says, glowering. He enters the hallway leading to the spare bedroom.

Trembling with worry and fury, Touma follows Ryo out of the living room.

Shuu walks over to the crib, then picks Lee up. "What are the chances of _ninja_ coming to my apartment again?" he asks Lee.

Lee giggles.

Shuu chuckles. "I know, right? Why would anyone want to kill you?" he grins; he brings Lee with him to the couch, then sits down.

Cradling Lee, he pulls Lee close. "Why...?" he asks quietly, his smile fading as he rocks Lee. "Why...?"

Trembling, Shuu continues to rock Lee.

* * *

Rei exits the Youjekai gate, arriving outside a temple.

She stares at the massive staircase. "I'm in luck at least," says Rei wryly. "Maybe Genkai _-shihan_ will be kind enough to let me spend the night-and help me solve my spider problems."

Genkai, in a set of pajamas, appears at the foot of the staircase. "You're in no condition to hike the staircase," she says.

"So I take it you have an elevator," grins Rei.

"If you and that idiot Kuroda can keep it a secret," says Genkai, revealing a hidden elevator, "then you're welcome to use it. Those steps are for my stupid disciple, not you-though I don't mind the exercise."

"Thank you, Genkai _-shihan_ ," says Rei. She and Genkai enter the elevator.

* * *

Kuroda, annoyed, grabs an open jar of baby food.

Lee yelps, a frustrated expression on his face.

"Yes, I'm eating your...carrots, I believe," says Kuroda, sampling the contents of the jar. "Will you cry again?"

Shuu hits the back of Kuroda's head. "He's already starting to crawl, you know," he says. "Lee's going to beat the shit out of you the moment he can walk."

"Is that what he said?" quips Kuroda as he sets the jar down.

"It's not his fault that you didn't get laid," scoffs Shuu.

"I never stated that it was Lee _-chan's_ fault, Fuan _-kun_ ," says Kuroda. "I also never intended to bed Rei _-dono_. Why would such concern you?" he asks.

"Because you clearly want to 'bed' her," says Shuu.

"Ordinarily," says Kuroda, "this is not an era where men of age lay with young maidens."

"Japan doesn't have age of consent laws," says Shuu, "and if that ever changes, it'll probably be some fucked up age like thirteen. No one should have sex at thirteen."

Kuroda stares at Shuu calmly.

"I'm well-aware of the hypocrisy, thank you," says Shuu, "though Xiao was almost fifteen. Which is about where Rei is now."

"I will not taint her, Fuan _-kun_ ," says Kuroda.

"You dream of 'tainting' her every fucking night!" spits Shuu. "I can't blame her for doing her best to psychically avoid you."

"I respect her will to remain celibate," states Kuroda, stoic, "and will honor her wish until such time as she comes to her senses."

"Why does she want to remain celibate?" wonders Shuu.

* * *

"What the hell do you mean I have to break my vow!?" spits Rei, livid with Genkai.

"Exactly what I said," says Genkai curtly. "And don't try to hand me the bullshit that it's a _requirement_ to run Hikawa Shrine."

"Perhaps not for a man," says Rei, "but you know women are held to a higher double standard."

"Leave your stupid pervert of a grandfather and the sacred flame out of this," says Genkai.

"I've also made a vow of celibacy to my then-princess," says Rei, determined.

"Even if vows made in a past life were binding on the current incarnation," says Genkai, "your bond with Kuroda was made before you took that burden upon yourself-and takes precedence over it."

"He doesn't want to have sex with me," pouts Rei, blushing.

Several squirrel _yokai_ laugh.

"They can smell the mutually-unfulfilled lust rolling off you," says Genkai.

"Look," scowls Rei. "I was ten when I initiated this bond-entirely on accident. And he was ready to kill me at the time."

"Rei," says Genkai, "soul covenants are rarely started by conscious volition."

* * *

"Fuan _-kun_ ," glowers Kuroda, "it is my intent to never heed your advice on this matter. I could have easily done so when I first had her in the Youjekai."

"You would have dragged a ten-year old girl into your bedchamber and fucked her?" asks Shuu.

"Such thoughts had crossed my mind, yes," says Kuroda. "Fortunately, I chose to torment her father instead."

Shuu sighs. "To be fair," he says, "you weren't entirely yourself."

"The last I was entirely myself," says Kuroda tonelessly, "I killed the very woman who bore me, when all she sought from me was intimacy."

Shuu touches his chin.

"You are wondering of Rei _-dono's_ family?" asks Kuroda.

"I've spoken to her a few times," says Shuu, "to get her side of the story. To hear it from Ryo, Rei wants to castrate all men."

"I think not," says Kuroda. "She's simply very selective. Of the few men who have met her standards," he continues, "each one has chosen another lover. What path is left for her but celibacy?"

"Then the bond is instinctual," says Shuu.

Kuroda stares at Shuu.

" _Oi_ ," continues Shuu, "you and Rei have set up all of these mental blocks preventing you two from consciously seeking and attracting mates. Nature always finds a way, though," he adds, "and it doesn't really give a shit about what either of you consciously want."

Kuroda scowls.

"In this case, so that you and she will quit invading each other's privacy," says Shuu, "you two need to let nature takes its course."

"This is a rather arcane leap of logic," says Kuroda.

"I'm speaking as a man who has been roused from sleep at all hours for the first three months of someone's life," says Shuu, pouting at Lee.

Lee giggles.

"Naturally," says Shuu, rolling his eyes, "Xiao and I figured that crying was the only way he could communicate his needs, and Lee's needs are few: he's hungry, has a soiled diaper, tired, or just wants to reassure himself that we're not gone forever."

"So our bond at present is the equivalent of a howling newborn babe," says Kuroda quizzically, studying Lee.

Shuu nods.

"The quandary, Fuan _-kun_ ," continues Kuroda, "is that if we obey this urge between us and couple, there is a strong chance that an actual child will result from our union."

* * *

"One of the reasons this occurs among the spiritually-attuned is to ensure the biological viability of your bloodline," says Genkai. "It's a micro-evolutionary response to external environmental pressures."

"It definitely misfired," says Rei, fuming. "Puberty hadn't started for me yet."

"Actually," counters Genkai, "your grandfather had written a rather confused letter about your first menarche-I had to go to Hikawa Shrine to find out what the fuck he was rambling about."

"Okay, fine: I was pubescent," snorts Rei. "I refuse to think so poorly of Kuroda _-kun_ , even as deranged as he was back then."

"Certainly now you're old enough to bear children," says Genkai, "and we're not that far removed from his day. Consider that my idiot successor was brought into the world by a fifteen-year old girl."

"I am considerably more responsible than that," says Rei.

Genkai shakes her head.

* * *

"I know that parenthood is a terrifying challenge," says Shuu, grinning, "even if you were lucky like me and have a good template to follow."

Kuroda nods, an understanding smile on his face.

"I'd do anything to protect that adorable character over there," Shuu continues, making a face at Lee.

Lee laughs, clapping his hands.

"It makes you sensitive to anything that would threaten his life," says Kuroda quietly.

Shuu scowls at Kuroda.

Kuroda walks to a shelf on the kitchen wall, opening a baby food jar filled with crystals. "Over there is a young soul: a life teeming with potential and promise," he continues, gazing at Lee.

"Let's take a wild leap," snorts Shuu, folding his arms. "About five years from now, some random deity appears to Lee and asks him to turn the world into crystal."

"Why would such a being allow Lee _-chan_ the opportunity to choose?" asks Kuroda. "Yet that's only part of the problem."

Lowering his arms, Shuu tenses his fists; he trembles.

* * *

"Fuan Yang Lee was scheduled to die, correct?" Enma asks Toshitada, the penitent _shinigami_ standing on his desk.

"Yes, sir," states Toshitada. "The standard procedure for an interrupted death-*"

"I know the procedure," says Enma, cutting Toshitada off. "Do not presume to lecture me."

"...forgive me, my liege," says Toshitada.

"You are highly efficient, Kouma," says Enma, "but you must remember your place. I have your report. You may go."

Toshitada bows, and floats down to the ground from Enma's desk.

Once Toshitada leaves Enma's office, Enma retrieves Toshitada's file on his private computer network. He then runs a cross index search.

 _Shutendouji, Masho no Oni...Youjekai...Arago... This fellow is a potential agitator,_ Enma notes silently as he continues reading over the file. _In fact, all nine of these yoroishi will trouble me, and put the operation in jeopardy..._

 _...unless I turn them against each other,_ Enma continues. _The sacrifice must proceed, and the soul must be retrieved, if I am to cleanse the earth of impurity._

* * *

Outside the airport terminal, Ryo and Touma enter the SUV with Seiji.

"I've been thinking about it," says Ryo. "Shuu has a point: we don't have any evidence."

Seiji, silent, starts up the SUV and drives off.

"Incorrect," says Touma. "All of the data points to the Crystal Disaster being a real event."

"The data!" spits Ryo. "That would be: the dreams of a four hundred-plus year old samurai, a random break-in and attempt to kill a baby-*"

"-which was foiled rather bloodily by the same samurai," quips Touma.

"Shut up!" fumes Ryo. "And let's not forget the final 'data point'," he continues. "The contents of a fourteen-year old girl's diary."

"What do all of these points have in common?" asks Touma calmly.

"Crystals," says Ryo.

"And there's another data point: the fact that someone blocked the bond between Kuroda and Rei," says Touma. "Another fact: Rei and Usagi are friends. One more fact: Usagi's being too mature."

"True," adds Seiji, touching his jaw briefly as he drives. "Touma: you should have a splint on your balls from the aftermath of Makoto _-san_ and Usagi _-san_ beating the shit out of you at Juuban Middle."

"Exactly," says Touma, a wry grin on his face. "If the contents of the diary were just the result of Usagi's creative muse," he continues, "Usagi would never have allowed me to get to the math problem. She would have raised hell in the most high-pitched, shrieking way possible." 

"So: because Tsukino Usagi is acting like a mature, responsible person in class in her third year of middle school," says Ryo, "you think a disaster's going to destroy the world in six years."

"That's the conclusion, based on all of the data given," says Touma. "Keep in mind that no one in this vehicle has any right to express skepticism at the thought of reincarnated magical space princesses," he continues, "considering that we know an actual one thousand twelve-year old princess of a magical kingdom."

"With a population count of four: three of whom would eat me out of house and home if I let them," adds Seiji.

"You _do_ understand what we asked Shuu to believe, right?" says Ryo.

"That a god wants to kill his kid, plant the dead baby's soul into the ground, and wait six years for the earth to turn into a giant geode," says Touma. "Extant religions have been founded on less evidence."

"Who is the god?" asks Seiji.

"The ruler of Reikai," says Ryo. "Except his job is to judge souls in the afterlife, not put out hits on babies."

"A god who judges the fate of the dead," says Seiji, grim. "Which means that if Lee were to die, his soul would be at Enma _-daiousama_ 's mercy."

"All of this is running through Shuu's head," adds Touma, "and no matter how much he denies it, Shuu's a worried wreck."

"Furthermore," continues Seiji, "the character of Enma _-daiousama_...is suspect."

"Because of Sasaki _-san's_ _koorime_ friend?" asks Ryo.

"Yeah," scoffs Touma. "Why'd it take nine fucking years for someone in the heavens to order an agent to rescue her from the basement of a rich asshole? I'm amazed Yukina's still a _koorime_ -if you catch my drift."

"Maybe Tarukane thought that taking her virginity would dry up her _hiruiseki_ ," says Ryo, "and those were what he wanted from her. No other _yuki-onna_ have the ability to shed crystal tears, after all."

"If he were smart," says Touma, "he would have simply put her in a room filled with onions and handed her a knife."

"It seems unusual that we're discussing the supernatural," says Seiji, "and treating it as an ordinary occurrence."

"Who are we to say that the so-called 'supernatural' is anything more," asks Touma, "than something outside of a human's primary sphere of experience? Isn't that rather arrogant of us?"

"You're handling the existence of gods rather well," says Seiji wryly.

"I handle all _facts_ well," says Touma. "I'd like to know if gods can be killed, though," he continues.

"Probably not," says Ryo.

"I doubt that it will be easy to kill Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Seiji, "although he's not an immortal god, so it's not impossible to kill him."

"We're all going to hell," says Ryo.

"Suits me," says Seiji. "Most of my ancestors are there for one reason or another."

Ryo and Touma chuckle ruefully.

"If Enma _-daiousama_ -presuming that he's our enemy-pulls off this sick plot," Seiji continues, "I intend to drag him down with me."

"We're with you, Date," says Touma. Ryo nods.

* * *

"Do you really think this is necessary?" asks Kayura as she finishes binding Yamanouchi to the wall in a Youjekai dungeon.

"Yes! Damn it, you little wench, don't question me!" spits Yamanouchi, frantic.

"I've already explained what happened," says Kayura. "Much like the _yoroi_ themselves," she continues, "these talismans were created by Kaosu _-sensei_ in order to subvert Arago's power. In fact, they were likely part of an experiment to see if he could purge the _yoroi_ of Arago's evil."

"The _yoroi_ themselves are components of Arago's own armor," says Yamanouchi, irritated. "I get that much."

"The point is that the charm essentially did what it was supposed to do: protect Lee from any evil," says Kayura. "It just happened that you did the actual protecting."

"I hacked someone apart, and I wasn't even aware of it!" cries Yamanouchi, choked with fright. "As a soldier, losing complete control over my own strength makes me a threat to anyone."

"You're going to lose your job," says Kayura.

"To hell with the _**Ai Mart**_!" splutters Yamanouchi, on the verge of tears.

Kayura sighs. "You're really serious about this. Very well," she says. "Take care, Yamanouchi _-kun_." She leaves, locking the door to Yamanouchi's cell.

* * *

Shuu, hearing a noise, wakes up. Noting his _yoroi_ bead's glow, Shuu summons the base armor of Yoroi no Kongou and leaves the bedroom.

"What the fuck are _ninja_ doing in my house?" Shuu wonders aloud in Chinese as he takes out his _naginata_ and slays the _ninja_.

"Who were those bastards!?" Shuu spits. "What are they-Lee!"

A silent figure in a familiar suit of armor drops Lee, dead, back into his crib.

 _Alright,_ says Shuu to himself after he invokes his full armor, _think. That's the Yoroi no Oni. The man capable of this level of brutality has been dead for over four years,_ Shuu continues, staring down the armored figure, _and Kayura has no reason whatsoever to kill Lee._

Shuu, with controlled fury, strikes off the Yoroi no Oni's helmet...and the armor collapses. After confirming that the Yoroi no Oni was inert, Shuu removes his own helm, drops to his knees, and clutches his head, screaming in shock and grief.

Xiao, awakened by the noise of combat and Shuu's cries, runs into the nursery...only to discover Lee's body. Xiao clutches her chest and walks to the kitchen.

Shuu notes Xiao leaving the nursery. "Xiao..." he says gently, "are you alright...?"

"I'll...be alright..." says Xiao, in the kitchen. "I just...need some water to..."

"Xiao?" asks Shuu. Sensing something amiss, Shuu wheels back to the kitchen...

...and sees Xiao on the ground.

* * *

Botan arrives at Shuu's apartment. She starts to retrieve Lee's soul when Xiao's soul, weeping, clings to Botan's leg.

"Can't you let my son live?" Xiao cries. "Take me, by all means, but please revive my son."

"I don't have that authority," says Botan. "I'm sorry, Xiao _-chan_. You and Lee can go to Reikai together."

Lee's soul immediately flew to Xiao.

"It's settled then," says Botan cheerfully. "I've summoned backup for whomever Shuu _-kun_ killed back in the kitchen," she continues. "Let's go."

"You're entirely too cheerful about this task," says Xiao.

"Death is inevitable," says Botan. "No point to being glum about it."

* * *

"Toshitada! When are you coming back from Bosnia!?" shrieks Koenma over Toshitada's Compact. "We're drowning in paperwork!"

"Forgive my delay, Koenma _-sama_ ," says Toshitada, irritated. "There's a bit of bloody ethnic cleansing in the area, and it shall take time for me- _alone_ -to retrieve all of these souls."

"Why didn't you contact Charon and Thanatos!?" spits Koenma. "They're in charge of that area and have considerably greater manpower to handle Europe."

"I was sent here, as you know, at the direct order of Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Toshitada, "and he gave express orders for me to retrieve these souls alone."

"I've got this covered," says a burly, golden-haired soldier in accented Japanese.

"May I ask who you are?" says Toshitada.

"Samael," says the man. "I've been in charge of the Near East since antiquity, that is to say, before your forefathers' ancestors were born, and I've coordinated efforts with Charon and Thanatos since the founding of Athens."

"I was commanded by-*" begins Toshitada.

"I outrank Yama-or as you call him, Enma-seventy times over," says Samael. Retrieve any souls native to the Far East and go."

"Do you have any proof of your right to be here?" asks Toshitada.

Samael's head morphs into a lion's. "Go, or I shall devour your wretched soul, Kouma Toshitada," he roars.

Toshitada blinks momentarily, then flees.

Samael shakes his head.

* * *

Botan pulls Lee away from Xiao. "Please enter the Judgment Hall, Xiao _-chan_ ," she says. "Your sins are very few," Botan continues, "so it won't take long at all for you to be reincarnated."

"May I take Lee with me?" asks Xiao.

"There's no need for Lee _-chan_ to go into the Judgment Hall," says Botan as Lee gently tugs her hair. "Infant souls are automatically reincarnated; they don't have enough life experience, and they haven't accumulated any sins to judge."

"I see," says Xiao. "Please tell Shuu that I love him." She enters the Judgment Hall.

Botan bounces Lee in her arms. "Now to take you to the Infant Rebirth Room," she says.

Lee babbles.

"I don't know, Lee _-chan_. It's not impossible to get your mother and father back together, or for you to be their child again," says Botan, "but your mother would be a different person, and so would you. It could be your father's reincarnation who reunites with your mother's-or even yours. The possibilities are-*"

Botan's Compact buzzes.

Botan sets Lee down next to her on a nearby bench. "Botan reporting," she says.

" _Shinigami_ Botan," says Enma. "Have you retrieved the soul of Fuan Yang Lee?"

"Yes, sir," says Botan, "a routine retrieval. Although Lee _-chan's_ death was rather bloody and sudden."

"Actually," counters Enma, "it was late. The infant was supposed to have died a month ago."

Botan sighs. "I'm about to take his soul to the Infant Rebirth Room, Enma _-daiousama_ ," she says, picking Lee up.

"Bring the infant's soul to me," orders Enma. "I must account for the month-long delay."

"Yes, Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Botan. The transmission ends, and Botan closes her Compact.

Lee whimpers.

"You're very lucky," grins Botan. "You get to meet Enma _-daiousama_ himself."

Lee cries...unleashing earthquakes throughout Reikai.

Botan stares at the distressed Lee. "What's going-Lee _-chan_!" gasps Botan. "What's come over you..!?" Botan crumples to the ground and curls herself into the fetal position as Lee disappears.

Ayame approaches Botan to assist...

...but Botan disappears.

* * *

Shuu arrives at the Date house with four rucksacks, a sullen, rueful look in his eyes.

"I've seen that look in men's eyes before," says Yamanouchi.

"That look has been in your eyes before, Sasaki _-kun_ ," adds Kuroda soberly. "We need to find the culprits quickly," he continues, "or there will be war."

Sasaki takes two of the rucksacks from Shuu. "We will find the men responsible for your son's death," he says.

"And if it turns out to be us somehow," adds Kuroda, "then I accept that my life is forfeit."

Shuu throws down the two rucksacks in front of Seiji.

Seiji sighs. "First," he says, "we need to eliminate Yamanouchi _-kun_ , Sasaki _-kun_ , and Kuroda _-kun_ as culprits. If they had done it," Seiji continues, "none of us would be here. They would have killed us before going after Lee _-chan_. Agreed?"

The other Troopers-Ryo, Shin, Shuu, and Touma-nod.

"That leaves Kouma _-san_ and Kayura _-dono_ ," continues Seiji.

"The Yoroi no Oni was missing," says Kayura, "until it was found at Shuu's apartment."

Shuu trembles, his body tense.

"Kouma's dead," adds Yamanouchi. "He's working off his debt as a _shinigami_."

"The fact is: only living souls can wield the _yoroi_ ," says Kayura. "Otherwise, Kouma _-sempai_ would be the prime suspect."

"Why!?" demands Jun. "Toshitada _-sempai_ might have killed kids during the course of his life as a samurai," he continues, "but even at his worst, I don't think he'd kill a baby!"

"It's logical, Jun _-kun_ ," counters Kayura. "This charm that Yamanouchi _-kun_ gave to Xiao _-san_ was designed to ward off evil intent. As it and the Yoroi no Oni stem from the same source, the charm never reacted."

"So a disembodied suit of magic armor killed Lee," mutters Shuu.

Jun stares at the Yoroi no Oni.

"It wasn't Kouma," Shuu continues, eerily calm. "If it was, he would have announced himself as the culprit sooner or later."

Shin opens the rucksacks. "If we can find out who sent the fellows wearing these clothes," he says, "then we'll be closer to the true culprits."

"That _ninja_ garb is from Reikai," says Yamanouchi, pointing to a patch on a uniform. "That fellow I killed had on the same outfit."

" _Shinigami_ are supposed to wait for people to die," muses Kuroda, "but perhaps they failed to meet some arbitrary quota."

"I say we confront whoever's in charge at Reikai," says Ryo, "and learn the truth.

* * *

Toshitada arrives at Reikai, greeted by legions of Chinese soldiers from different eras.

"Do you require escort to the Judgment Hall?" Toshitada asks in his best Chinese.

"We require your soul," answers a Mongol warrior. "You killed our little Chinese brother, Fuan Yang Lee."

"W-what?" balks Toshitada. "I don't know what you're talking about."

A tall, muscular Mongol warlord approaches Toshitada, along with an elderly Chinese man. The warlord turns to the Chinese man, ordering him to speak to Toshitada.

The Chinese man smiles briefly at Toshitada. "Greetings, honored Kouma. Please forgive me. I am Yelu, a humble and eternal servant of Genghis Khan," he says in his best effort at Japanese. "He, along with his many blood descendants, see you as the one responsible for the death of the honored infant lord Fuan Yang Lee: the son of the noble Fuan Yen Xiao and the great Fuan Rei Shuu."

"You...are all ancestors of Shuu's clan?" asks Toshitada in Chinese.

All of the Chinese soldiers nod.

"I would say that none of this explains Genghis Khan's presence," continues Toshitada, "except that he was known to have sired many children with Chinese women."

Genghis smirks slightly.

"Still, I did not kill anyone. As I'm already dead," says Toshitada, "I don't have the power to do so."

The legions refuse to move.

"Please, honored Kouma: explain then the presence of your armor and weapon, which killed young Yang Lee, who had barely drawn first breath. Surely armor cannot move on its own," continues Yelu, "and kill purposefully on its own."

"I didn't do it!" Toshitada spits. "I was in Eastern Europe."

"Who cares!?" spits a Chinese soldier circa 1933. "He's Japanese! Kill his soul anyway!"

"You dare to reject my vassal's testimony out of hand!" roars a commanding voice.

"Who said that?" grunts Genghis in his native tongue.

"Beware, fools," continues the voice, "for now you have incurred the wrath of the Mad Fool of Owari-no, the Devil King of the Sixth Heaven!"

Toshitada slaps his forehead. "Please come out, Oda _-sama_ ," he says sheepishly.

Oda Nobunaga-a rather ordinary-looking Sengoku-era Japanese _daimyo_ wielding a pair of flintlock rifles-approaches the legions of Shuu's ancestors, drawing himself face-to-face with Genghis Khan.

Genghis laughs. "This puny fellow is supposed to frighten me?" he says in a rough attempt at Japanese.

Oda fires a rifle into Genghis' leg, then laughs. "I believe the Americans call this weapon the 'great equalizer'," he says to Genghis in Mongolian. "Regrettably, the Americans' guns were better than ours, and their generals more competent," Oda continues, "or your easily-cowed Chinese minions would still be kneeling before my people."

Yelu trembles, frightened of Oda.

Genghis laughs again as he stands, then knocks Yelu to the ground. "That fool forgets that we all are already long dead," he says, grinning. "Now," he continues to Oda in Japanese, "since you assert this Kouma's innocence, you must prove this."

Toshitada and Oda look at each other.

"If you and he cannot prove it," continues Genghis, "then Kouma's soul will be mine to destroy." Genghis and his legions leave Toshitada and Oda alone in the courtyard within Reikai's gates.

"I presume you have a plan, Oda _-sama_ ," says Toshitada sardonically.

"You have always been a rather presumptuous twit, Kouma," says Oda, annoyed.

* * *

The video ends.

"So there's a dead baby's soul that your father wants?" asks Kuwabara.

Koenma nods.

"What does he want it for?" asks Kurama.

"Maybe Enma wants a replacement," Yusuke snickers.

"Doubtful," says Koenma. "The child would need to be a god to replace me."

"I don't like this," says Ken. "I smell a foul rat here."

"Dad says that he needs the infant's soul for a special project," says Koenma.

"No 'project' that requires children's souls ever turned out to be any good," says Ken.

"I don't know any more than that," says Koenma. "Besides, we have to free Botan before the infant automatically tries to reincarnate within her body."

"Would it bring her back to life?" asks Yusuke. "You've got this other _shinigami_ who's a dead samurai," he continues, "so I figured that Botan's also dead."

"Some _shinigami_ , like the fellow you're referring to, are souls serving as part of their Purgatory," says Koenma. "Others, like Botan, are living _shinigami_ -chthonic deities to begin with."

"That's not good," says Kurama. "Chthonic deities can't sire or give birth to children. The infant's soul would end up consuming Botan's, and the infant's soul would die in the process."

"What happens to a soul when it dies?" asks Kuwabara.

"It ceases to exist," says Koenma, grim. "It can never be reborn."

"I'm liking this less and less," says Ken. "What's the name of the baby's soul?" he demands.

"Yeah," adds Yusuke. "If the kid's related to someone we know, then maybe we can get that person to help us save Botan."

"Hn. From what Enma said," spits Hiei, "the _shinigami_ 's life isn't a priority."

"This is dirty," says Ken. "We might have to kill Botan just to get at the kid's soul."

"We possibly have to kill our friend-a woman, deity or not-and bring a baby's soul to Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Kuwabara, "and we don't even know _why_?"

"We don't always have all the details of our assignments, Kuwabara," says Koenma, studying Kuwabara carefully.

Kuwabara glares at the floor. "I'm with Saotome. This shit is dirty, Koenma _-sama_ ," he says.

"You don't have to come, Kuwabara," says Yusuke. "Hiei and Kurama are working off their sentences, and I was hired."

"And I'm here running errands for Enma," says Ken, "to keep Reikai off my brother's ass-more for Reikai's sake than for his."

"I'm not going to let you four hack Botan _-chan_ apart," spits Kuwabara. "Maybe there's a way out for her and the kid's soul."

"Then, gentlemen, do your best," says Koenma. He leaves Yusuke's room.

* * *

Despite his plan to return to Reikai, Koenma discovers himself in Youjekai, facing Kayura and eight samurai.

"Hello," says Kayura.

"I don't have time for your games, Kayura _-dono_ ," says Koenma.

"This is no game, Koenma _-sama_ ," Kayura scowls. "Where is Fuan Yang Lee's soul?"

Koenma sighs. "He has possessed one of my _shinigami_ for an unknown reason," he says, "and at this point, the whole matter is under my jurisdiction-*"

"The hell it is!" spits Shuu, snaring Koenma with his _naginata_. "One of your people tried to kill Lee before," he adds, "and somehow, you animated a dead man's armor to...to...!" Shuu draws Koenma to the group.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" shrieks Koenma. "As far as I'm concerned, this is a freak incident."

"And you're about to die because of your ignorance," says Shuu quietly. He starts to choke Koenma with the _naginata_ 's chains...

...but Toshitada frees Koenma.

"Stay out of this," says Shuu, glowering at Koenma as he reunites his _naginata_. "I just want to save my son's soul."

Toshitada stares at his living comrades a moment, then turns to Koenma. "What is going on, Koenma _-sama_?" he asks. "First I had to elude several armies of his ancestors," Toshitada continues, pointing at Shuu, "and now Shuu himself wants to kill you."

"I want answers," seethes Shuu, "and if I don't get them, then I'm sending some gods to hell."

"You have an annoying habit of being nearby when someone's kinsman is murdered, Kouma _-kun_ ," says Sasaki wryly.

Toshitada winces, his body trembling as he looks down and away from the group.

Ryo studies Toshitada. _Why won't he look at us?_ he wonders silently.

"Someone in Reikai used the Yoroi no Oni to slay Lee," adds Kayura. "It doesn't make any sense."

"All we want is to get to the bottom of this matter," states Kuroda. "This is not an age where infant children routinely die, you understand," he continues, placing a hand on Shuu's shoulder.

"Thus, the gods can't simply do as they please with our lives," adds Yamanouchi.

* * *

Botan appears in Tahiti at night. A Shuu-shaped golem rises from the sands as Botan regains consciousness.

"Safe..." says the golem in Chinese. "I'm...safe..."

"Safe from whom?" Botan asks the golem, as she guesses that the infant's soul is using the golem to communicate.

"Monster-man..." says the golem, reverting to Japanese. "Your...master..."

"What will you do, Lee _-chan_?" asks Botan. "You can't be reborn in my body, and your soul isn't strong enough to eat it."

"I...want...mama," sighs the golem. "And...papa. And...Nao _-chan_..."

"Your papa's likely worried sick about you," says Botan. "'Nao _-chan_ ' is with him."

"Mama...?" asks the golem.

Botan looks through her ledger. "I'm sorry. Your mother's heart failed hours after you had died," she says sadly.

"Where's...mama's...soul...?" the golem demands.

"That depends on a lot of things," says Botan. "It's hard to explain it all to a baby."

"Why...is...Monster-man...after...me...?" asks the golem, its body bristling with newly-forming quartz crystals.

"I don't know," says Botan. "If you mean Enma _-daiousama_ ," she continues, "it could be anything."

"We...will..stay...here..." says the golem. "We...will find...a good body...where I...can be...born..."

"What's so special about here?" asks Botan, hoping to change the subject.

"Mama...and papa...made me...here..." says the golem. "Warm...safe..."

"Ah," says Botan, blushing.

* * *

Koenma reenters his office with Toshitada. He glares at the massive stack of paperwork. "Wonderful," he says, annoyed. "This crisis is going on with a dead infant's soul, and I still have all of this work to process."

"Paperwork is the least of your concerns at the moment, my liege," says Toshitada darkly.

"Threatening me won't help you get to the bottom of this," scoffs Koenma, "though it's not your problem as a penitent _shinigami_."

"I'm at the limits of my patience, Koenma _-sama_ ," says Toshitada, scowling as his staff becomes a scythe.

"What do you want me to do!?" Koenma demands.

"I want you to examine your honored father very closely, Koenma _-sama_ ," Toshitada says stonily.

"Meaning?" asks Koenma.

"What is his reason for slaying that infant? What does he want with a child's soul?" asks Toshitada. "Why does he discriminate between the sins of _yokai_ and humans so narrowly?" he continues, "On balance, humanity's sins dwarf and eclipse those of the _yokai_ by several orders of magnitude."

"You're not a very good advocate for humans, you know," says Koenma, "admitting your own race's faults. Don't forget that those 'orders of magnitude' are merely due to the sheer size of the human population. There is no unique quality of malice."

"We are the few creatures in this world who find delight in others' suffering," says Toshitada, a look of self-loathing in his eyes. "I gained this epiphany centuries before I died, my liege."

"Do you hate humanity, then?" asks Koenma.

"No," says Toshitada. "I merely cited a dark aspect of our nature. It is what humans are-no more, and no less monstrous than _yokai_. So," he continues, "what is Enma _-daiousama_ 's purpose in treating the two races differently?"

"He favors humans," says Koenma, shrugging. "I've never had a reason to question why before."

"I believe that you do now," says Toshitada with conviction.

Koenma, sucking his pacifier, pouts at the serious _shinigami_.


	25. Elixir 18

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #18** : Where do infants normally go when they die?

byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

The five-Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, Hiei, and Ken-all convene at Genkai's temple.

"If Koenma would just tell us who the kid is, we could find out where he'd think he'd be safe," says Yusuke.

"I suspect Reikai is keeping secrets from us," says Kurama, "perhaps even from Koenma himself."

"Koenma has to know the name of the baby," counters Yusuke. "Shit, he kept a file on everything I've done since I was a baby!"

"You were likely an exceptionally rotten baby," quips Kuwabara.

Yusuke scowls at Kuwabara.

"Don't the field _shinigami_ have lists of daily soul pickups?" asks Ken. "Why don't we find a penitent _shinigami_?"

"Hn. That type of _shinigami_ is a human's soul, so he may be sympathetic: is that your reasoning?" asks Hiei.

"Something like that. Worst case scenario: we twist his arm," says Ken.

"I think you have someone in mind," says Kurama cannily.

"Yeah. I need to talk to that bastard for my own reasons," says Ken.

Yusuke sighs. _Koenma's a fucking idiot,_ he says to himself.

 _"Yusuke," spat Koenma, "you nearly blew it!"_

 _"I didn't say his name," countered Yusuke. "Why is it so important to keep that guy's identity a secret?"_

 _"Remember how many rules you twisted and broke in order to help people you knew-back when you were dead?" asked Koenma._

 _Yusuke nodded._

 _"Imagine a dead human soul with a shinigami's authority. If his friends and family were to learn who he was," Koenma continued, "they'd all be bugging him for favors. Shinigami can't play favorites."_

 _"You don't have to worry about that from Toshitada," scoffed Yusuke. "You know what a serious hard-ass he is."_

 _"You've outed Toshitada to one of his acquaintances already," said Koenma, "and Ken knows that Toshitada works for us. Since he's smarter than you," he continued, "he'll put two-and-two together very quickly."_

 _"So I have to keep secrets from my allies," said Yusuke._

 _"Sometimes," said Koenma, "your duties involve deceiving those close to you. Which means I must also ask that you forget about that crazy precognitive dream from Yamanouchi."_

 _Yeah,_ snorts Yusuke silently. _Kuwabara punched me the last time I lied to him._

* * *

Ami reaches Genkai's temple just as the five walk out with Genkai.

"You idiots stick around," says Genkai. "I need to speak with Ami _-san_ for a moment."

"What for!?" demands Yusuke.

"She's going with you, piss dribble!" spits Genkai. "You may have mastered the _reihadou_ ," she continues, "but sometimes I swear the best part of you dripped down your mother's leg!"

Ami sighs, embarrassed; she enters the temple. Genkai follows behind Ami.

Yusuke starts to ready his _rei-gun_ , but Ken grabs his shoulder. "The old bat wants that girl to help out another way," he smirks.

"Yeah," Yusuke grins. " _Baa-chan's_ probably teaching Mizuno secret sexual healing techniques for her to use on Kuwabara."

"Urameshi: I can hear you, you stupid bastard," says Kuwabara.

"I warned you that you should have taken care of that matter before the Tournament," says Kurama.

"The Tournament came and went," scoffs Kuwabara, "and we pulled through."

"That was in spite of you, fool," says Hiei. "You nearly died."

"Maybe if I had been _training_ for a full two months," says Kuwabara, narrowing his eyes at an amused Kurama, "I would have done better." He turns his glare to Hiei. "And my sword technique would have been sharper," he adds, "if a small fire _yokai_ didn't underestimate my ability to survive his possible training regimen."

Hiei rubbed his right arm. "I barely survived my own training," he says. "You are durable, Kuwabara, but not invincible."

"You still haven't fully grasped how to obey your instincts, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," adds Kurama. "All things considered, you performed far better than either of us expected."

"As far as _that_ ," Kuwabara whispers to Kurama, gripping the _kitsune's_ shoulder, "it's as I said before: I didn't have the necessary _equipment_ to spend time with Ami _-san_."

"Oh... I am sorry, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kurama. " _Yokai_ have never bothered with such things."

* * *

"Based on what you've told me, Genkai _-san_ ," says Ami, "Kuwabara _-san_ can't afford distractions."

"I'm certain that he's prepared for your combat uniform," says Genkai with a wry grin on her face.

 _Kazuma-san's nose nearly bled all over my combat uniform,_ Ami says to herself. _That suit leaves little to the imagination, and Kazuma-san is very much an adolescent male._

"One of the reasons he was distracted during the Dark Tournament," says Genkai, "has to do with your business against the Dark Kingdom. Kuwabara would not admit to it, but that was the case. He lost two bouts in a row that he would have won handily if he were focused."

"Which one of our enemies did Kazuma _-san_ fight?" asks Ami, worried.

"A tall woman with blood-red hair; though it wasn't so much of a fight as it was a struggle for Kuwabara to stay alive," says Genkai. "I was able to protect him from this Beryl, but the struggle also weakened me."

Ami trembles.

"That was no problem, though: I needed to be weak enough to die so that my stupid disciple Yusuke would get off his ass," smirks Genkai.

"What may I do to help?" asks Ami.

"Add your healthy intellect with Kurama's-you know him as Minamino-and compensate for the thick, brutish wall of idiocy from those other four," says Genkai. "You should also keep Kuwabara company, but that goes without saying."

"I will do my best," says Ami.

* * *

"First we need to head to the scene of the crime," says Yusuke, smirking.

"Fuck, Urameshi!" spits Kuwabara. "We know Botan _-chan_ disappeared from Reikai."

"And I doubt Koenma wants to see you until we find Botan and the kid's soul," adds Ken.

"Damn, you guys are no fun," scoffs Yusuke.

"This is a serious matter," says Ami.

"Only _baa-san_ asked you to come, Mizuno," counters Yusuke.

"I don't wish to be a spoilsport," says Ami, "but we need to think systematically to solve this problem."

"Right," says Yusuke. "So where would you start?"

Ami trembles under five pairs of expectant eyes. She clears her throat. "We know that Botan _-san_ was somehow abducted by the soul of a baby," she says. "We have to consider what a baby's primary objectives would be."

"Eat, sleep, piss, and shit," Kuwabara mutters. "And cry when it's upset, hungry, or tired."

"Granted," says Ami with a look towards Kuwabara. "But consider that a baby has no other way to communicate its needs and moods except through crying."

"So," says Kurama, "a baby's soul would have similar limitations. Let's suppose that our baby's soul was upset, and wanted to escape Reikai," he continues. "Is that reasonable?"

The others nod.

"We also know that Koenma's old man wants the kid's soul," adds Ken. "I don't know about you guys, but I'd take Botan hostage too if that guy wanted my soul for something."

"Hn. That makes sense for a _hanyo_ like you," says Hiei, "but this soul is human-it has nothing to fear from Enma."

"We don't know that," counters Kuwabara. "Gods have a history of being assholes to humans, too."

"Try a bit of Greek mythology whenever you get the chance," adds Ami.

Hiei shrugs.

"Presuming our baby's soul was frightened of Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Kurama, "and wanted to escape, what would be its first priority?"

"Since it's a baby," says Yusuke, "it would want to go where it's safe."

"Correct," says Ami. "And if you were a baby, where would you go?" she asks.

"To an armory," says Hiei flatly.

"Where my pursuers would be least likely to find me," adds Kurama.

The three humans and the _hanyo_ all shout some variant of "To your mothers!" at Hiei and Kurama.

"I'd think that no mother would be strong enough to fend off a god," adds Kurama.

"Stupid _yokai_!" spits Kuwabara. "Think like a baby!"

"When I was a baby, I was thrown away like trash," says Hiei.

"Alright, then: a baby that wasn't born a sociopath," says Kuwabara, covering his pity for Hiei with annoyance.

Ami studies Hiei with understanding, then takes a deep breath. "As this baby was likely from a loving home," she says, "then the baby would seek out its parents."

"This doesn't narrow anything down, though," says Yusuke.

"Without knowing who the baby is or who its parents are," adds Ken, "we still don't know where to start looking."

"The baby had to have died a few days ago," says Kuwabara, "and if a god such as Enma _-daiousama_ wanted the kid, it must be either be special or have special parents."

"Yeah: Koenma did say his father wanted the kid for a special project," says Ken, "so it must have some kind of power he needs."

"Knowing what Enma _-daiousama's_ project was would give us a direction," says Kurama.

Yusuke snorts, uneasy. "Like he'd just tell us what we need to know," he says.

The others note Yusuke's unease. Kurama and Kuwabara glance briefly between themselves and Yusuke.

" _Oi_! It's true," Yusuke spits. "You got any ideas on how to proceed?"

"Let's consider what we know," says Ami. "Have there been any infant deaths that we know about?"

"I remember Okubo telling me that Fuan's sister's kid just died," says Kuwabara, grim. "Xiao _-chan_ had a heart attack from shock and died a few hours later."

Ami sheds a tear for Xiao, her former classmate. "I think that..." she says slowly as she composes herself, "considering her child would be a good place to start."

Kuwabara takes out a handkerchief and hands it to Ami.

"The last place that kid was alive was in New York," says Yusuke. "Anybody got money for plane tickets?"

* * *

The six teenagers exit a Reikai Gate into Central Park.

"Okay," says Yusuke. "In pairs, like we agreed."

Hiei swiftly leaves.

Kurama sighs. "I'll follow him," he says, smiling sheepishly. He leaves to pursue Hiei.

"I'll head with Urameshi," says Ken. "He needs somebody with common sense to watch his back."

"That's usually my job," says Kuwabara, pouting.

Ken leans into Kuwabara's ear. "Yeah, but do you really trust a guy like him with her?" he whispers, nodding his head toward Ami.

"You bastards aren't even trying to be subtle," notes Kuwabara.

"Come on, Saotome!" says Yusuke. "Let those two enjoy their date," he adds with a grin. He and Ken leave.

Kuwabara stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Urameshi would think searching for a dead baby's soul was a great activity for a date," he snorts.

"I thought that fighting was his favorite activity," says Ami.

Kuwabara smiles at Ami. "Let's go, Ami _-san_ ," he says, handing her a slip of paper. "I've got Fuan _-sempai's_ address in this city."

"Why didn't you share this with the rest of the group?" asks Ami after she reads the paper.

"If Urameshi is stupidly keeping secrets from us," says Kuwabara, "why shouldn't we do likewise?" He walks off.

Ami sighs, then follows Kuwabara.

* * *

"What do you expect to find out here in Little Tokyo?" asks Ken.

Yusuke shrugs. "I don't know. Some of Fuan's family in New York. Familiar smells and sounds for the baby."

Ken scowls. "You know who the baby is, don't you?" he asks bluntly.

"I've got my suspicions," says Yusuke, returning the scowl.

"You don't lie very well," says Ken, "especially not to guys like that old bastard Kurama."

Yusuke stares at Ken.

"Kuwabara caught on pretty quick, too," Ken adds.

"That jackass expects me to lie to him at this point," says Yusuke. "I figure that since he knows more about Fuan, and Mizuno-as _baa-san_ was so kind to point out," he continues sarcastically, "is smarter than the lot of us-"

"Kurama excepted," sneers Ken.

Yusuke nods. "I'm going to let them work on any impressions from Fuan's apartment," he says.

"Did you bug them?" asks Ken.

"I would have planted a Reikai Tracer on either of them, but the bastard would sense it," says Yusuke.

"So we wait until Kuwabara's focused on seeking traces of the kid's residual _reiki_ ," says Ken.

"Exactly. Besides, Kuwabara and Mizuno need to spend some time together," says Yusuke.

"What about Hiei and Kurama?" asks Ken.

"Kurama will have his hands full keeping Hiei from killing people who don't even speak Japanese," says Yusuke, grinning.

* * *

"What is this fool saying, Kurama?" asks Hiei, noting a rough-looking teenager wielding a switchblade.

Kurama sighs. "He wants to rob you," he says. "We don't have any American money," Kurama says to the mugger in English.

"You Chinese motherfuckers always got money," says the mugger.

"We're Japanese," counters Kurama, pulling out his wallet, "and the only money between the two of us are _yen_ notes. You wouldn't be able to spend it here."

"Shit! Maybe I'll go to-oh, shit!" cries the mugger abruptly as he curls into the fetal position, with his pants-before drooping below his hips-down to his ankles.

Hiei continues flaying the mugger with the mugger's own belt.

"Stop it, Hiei!" says Kurama, restraining the hand with the belt.

"Hn. This fool is incompetent," says Hiei, tossing the belt to the ground. He and Kurama leave.

Two other young thugs approach the mugger.

One leans in, poking the mugger. "Mulberry, you stupid," he says. "I told you not to fuck with that little Chinese dude-he looked like he killed people before."

"He beat you worse than your mama did," adds the other thug, snickering.

Mulberry, the would-be mugger, continues whimpering.

An elderly shopkeeper laughs at the three. "You all ought to get whupped like that for having your pants hanging off your ass!" he spits.

"Fuck you, Freeman!" spits Mulberry, tears in his eyes. "Why you ain't call the cops!?"

"You were the asshole committing the crime," says Freeman, "so if I called the cops, it would have been to haul your sorry ass off to prison. Then you'd really be crying in pain."

Mulberry glares at Freeman and Mulberry's two "friends". "Fuck all your asses," he mutters, leaving the group.

"Pull them damn pants up!" spits Freeman, laughing. The two thugs join in.

* * *

Kuwabara and Ami arrive at Shuu's apartment in New York, noting Shuu outside loading furniture into a moving van.

" _Oi_ , Fuan _-sempai_!" says Kuwabara as he and Ami approach Shuu.

Shuu's eyes brighten when he hears Kuwabara's voice. "What are you doing here?" he asks, grinning.

Kuwabara shrugs. "I'm helping Urameshi with a favor," he says.

"In New York?" wonders Shuu.

"Don't push me in a corner to lie, _sempai_ ," says Kuwabara. "We heard that Lee _-chan_ had died a rough death here," he continues, frowning, "and Urameshi wants to figure out why."

"I actually have a pretty good idea of who's responsible," says Shuu, scowling, "and when I get back to Japan, I'm going to corner the bastard and murder him."

Ami trembles. "Is...it possible for us...to look around the apartment for clues?" she asks, wary of Shuu's anger.

"Sorry," says Shuu. "I already gave my keys back to the landlord," he continues, shutting the door to the moving van. He turns to the apartment, gazing wistfully at an open window.

Instinctively, Kuwabara gently grabs Ami's hand, his eyes closed as he enters a trance.

Ami blushes. "Fuan _-san_ ," she says, "Could you ask the landlord to let you borrow the keys?"

Shuu shakes his head. "The asshole already changed the locks," he says. "I killed some guys in that apartment," he continues, "and while it was a clear act of self-defense, the killings could mess up his plans to make this rathole apartment 'upscale'." Shuu rolls his eyes.

"It's just that we're..." Ami trails off, interrupted by a kiss from Kuwabara, who woke from his trance.

Shuu smiles at the couple, yearning in his eyes. He enters the moving van and drives off.

Kuwabara breaks the kiss.

"Why did you...?" asks Ami, touching her lips.

Kuwabara grins. "I felt like it," he says.

"Now isn't an appropriate time, unfortunately," says Ami, admonishing Kuwabara.

"True," says Kuwabara, placing his index finger on the tip of Ami's nose, "but it was also the nicest way I could think of to tell you to shut up, Ami _-san_."

"Shouldn't he know that we're-?" wonders Ami.

"No," says Kuwabara. "The last thing we need is for Fuan- _sempai_ to know that we're tracking down his son's..." Kuwabara trails off, sensing an unsettling presence.

"'His son'?" asks Ami. "Don't you mean 'his nephew'?"

"That too," says Kuwabara cannily, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Fuan _-sempai_ and Xiao _-chan_ apparently couldn't control themselves."

"In any event," says Ami, "we need to find a way into the apartment."

Kuwabara sits on the steps. "It's upstairs, where that open window is," he says, glaring at his right hand. "I'd hoist myself up there, but..." He winces, embarrassed.

"You would draw too much attention if you used your abilities out in the open," says Ami.

"Tch-it's not that," says Kuwabara, frowning. "I'm...kind of losing my powers. My _reikan_ is fine, but I can't sustain my _reiken_. It's acting like a flashlight with batteries going dead."

"Then you should conserve your energy for an emergency. Regrettably," Ami continues, "we'll have to find a way to break in."

"We really should have brought Kurama," says Kuwabara. "He was a professional thief before he started middle school."

"I have no wish to be indebted to Minamino _-kun_ ," says Ami, cross.

"Your little computer won't help us break into that place without us getting caught," counters Kuwabara as Ami takes out her mini-computer.

"Do you have any ideas of how to break in, Kazuma _-san_?" asks Ami.

"I'm thinking, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, "which I thought was your strong suit."

* * *

Mulberry notes Kuwabara and Ami's spirited discussion in Japanese. _More Chinese motherfuckers,_ he says to himself as he walks past Kuwabara and Ami, still feeling the beating he had received from Hiei.

"Maybe we ought to find someone experienced in breaking and entering to help us," says Ami.

"Ah: that dumbass over there with his pants below his ass might be a decent burglar," sneers Kuwabara, jerking his head towards Mulberry.

Though not understanding Kuwabara, Mulberry notices Kuwabara's head motion. Mulberry approaches Kuwabara, grabs his shirt, and pulls him close. "You talkin' about me, motherfucker!?" he demands, pissed.

"Possibly," says Kuwabara in English. "Let me go, you stupid bastard."

"Fuck all you Chinese bastards!" roars Mulberry.

Kuwabara glares at Mulberry. "Look, man," he says, "normally I'd beat the shit out of you, but it...looks like somebody already did that today," Kuwabara continues, noting the fresh belt welts on Mulberry's skin.

"Yeah! One of your damn cousins rolled up on me and jumped me!" says Mulberry, neglecting to add that he was trying to rob the "cousins".

Kuwabara looks Mulberry over, noting residual energy from Hiei. "I guess the guy spanked you with your own belt," he says. "Was he a short guy, wearing black with spiky hair?"

"How you know this shit!?" asks Mulberry, now terrified of Kuwabara. "Yeah," he continues. "His girlfriend Kulama call him Hee-yay."

Kuwabara whips around, struggling to stifle his laughter and conceal it from Mulberry, who was clearly upset from the ordeal.

"Excuse me," says Ami, also in English. "Would you know how to enter a locked apartment without anyone realizing it?"

Kuwabara turns toward Ami with a wild look of astonishment at her and Mulberry. _Is she seriously asking this idiot to break into an apartment?_ he wonders to himself.

Mulberry balks at Ami's request. "Shit-I got priors, girl. I ain't fixing to get my ass locked up for breaking and entering."

"It's an empty apartment," says Ami. "They would only prosecute us for trespassing if we were caught, right?"

Mulberry and Kuwabara both give Ami quizzical stares.

"Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara in Japanese. "This fellow has a prior criminal record. They wouldn't treat his actions as a first offense."

"What'd he say about me?" scowls Mulberry.

"He said that you have a prior criminal history," says Ami to Mulberry.

"Oh. That's what I just said," says Mulberry, still wary of Kuwabara. "I ain't going to prison for dumb shit."

"Good," says Kuwabara to Mulberry. "We don't plan on asking for help from some stupid fucker who was beaten with his own belt."

"Hold up!" spits Mulberry, offended. "How you gonna break in there?"

"We were trying to figure that out when you intruded in our conversation," says Kuwabara.

"I'll help y'all, then," says Mulberry. "Because Miss Ami ask me nicely. Now! How you like that shit!? Stupid fucking Chinese motherfucker," Mulberry continues as he walks toward the apartment.

 _Not a fucking bit,_ seethes Kuwabara silently. He and a perplexed Ami follow Mulberry.

* * *

 _I can still feel that guy's presence. The creepy bastard's watching me,_ says Kuwabara to himself as he looks around inside Shuu's old apartment.

 _I've got to keep cool,_ he continues. _Ignore him and focus on the search without letting the asshole know what I'm looking for._ "Wonder if Fuan _-sempai_ left any food in the refrigerator," Kuwabara says aloud, walking into the kitchen.

Kuwabara opens the freezer door of the refrigerator. "A teething ring...?" he wonders, closing his eyes. He opens them a moment later, only to see visions of an occupied apartment: Shuu, Xiao, and Lee as a happy family.

 _"Is that a tooth, Lee?" Shuu asked Lee in Chinese._

 _Lee whimpered a bit._

 _"You'll be eating solid food soon," said Xiao, gently smoothing Lee's hair. She looked at Shuu. "Has it been so long...?" she asked._

 _"Any regrets?" asked Shuu._

 _"I don't know," said Xiao. "Knowing this," she continued, "would we have made a different choice?"_

 _"We were warned," said Shuu, rolling his eyes at a photo of Kuroda, "but since fate decided that Kuroda would be the one to warn us, I guess that Lee was meant to be."_

 _"Mr. Kuroda likes you, but he seems so troubled," said Xiao._

 _"Kuroda had a psychotic break during his childhood," said Shuu, pouting, "and he has yet to seek treatment for it."_

 _"Is it alright to trust that charm?" Xiao asked, anxious._

 _"If you're worried about Yamanouchi suddenly showing up to turn would-be baby-killers into human sashimi again," said Shuu, "then don't. Yamanouchi's even more worried about it than we are," he continued, "and he said he was taking precautions."_

 _Xiao picked up an envelope, then handed it to Shuu. "This came in the mail for you."_

 _Shuu opened the envelope and read its contents. He grinned crudely. "No, Chun, I won't take you to Tahiti," said Shuu, snickering._

Kuwabara grins. "The Westermarck Effect should save Chun- _chan_ from you, Fuan- _sempai_ : you sad, incestuous bastard," he says as the visions fade.

Kuwabara leaves the apartment, locking the door behind him.

* * *

"We have to get onboard, quickly!" says Ami, grabbing Kuwabara's hand and pulling him aboard the Reikai Skiff.

"We'll leave the others stranded in New York!" counters Kuwabara.

"Then we can send the Skiff back for Urameshi _-kun_ and the others," says Ami, trembling. "Let's go!"

Kuwabara shrugs as he orders the _oni_ captain to set off for their destination. "I know we need to find the kid quickly," he says, "but you're really panicky."

Ami punches Kuwabara's arm. "Please don't question me!" she spits.

Kuwabara rubs his arm. "You've got some punch, _ojou-sama_!" he grins. He then notes Mulberry and his friends chasing after the Skiff.

"Aw, hell no, bitch!" screams Mulberry. "Pay me the rest of my money!"

"What the fuck is his problem?" spits Kuwabara, half-ready to jump out of the Skiff and attack Mulberry.

"Faster, please," says Ami to the _oni_ captain.

The Skiff floats into the sky.

"I...made an error with Mulberry _-kun_ ," Ami explains to Kuwabara after several minutes pass. "I had meant to write a check for one hundred dollars," she continues, "to help him pay for the locksmith, but I wrote it for one hundred _yen_." Ami gently slaps her forehead.

"So you accidentally stiffed the guy due to foreign exchange rates," says Kuwabara. He laughs, then plants a sloppy kiss on Ami's cheek.

"I didn't intend to defraud him," pouts Ami.

"We didn't owe him shit, Ami _-san_ ," scoffs Kuwabara. "Stupid fucker volunteered his unwanted services!" he adds, raising two middle fingers in the general direction of New York.

"What if this triggers an international incident?" wonders Ami.

"If the United States and Japan go to war, it won't be because of that fucking guy," Kuwabara snorts. "Just forget about it."

"I think you were jealous," says Ami, a mischievious sparkle in her eyes.

"I'd be disappointed if you fell for that guy over me," Kuwabara teases.

"He's a great deal like you," counters Ami playfully.

"No; even he's not that dense. If you had stiffed me," Kuwabara continues, "I'd be swimming after you."

* * *

Mulberry's two friends hold Mulberry back from diving into the ocean.

"Let that shit go, man! Let it go!" says one. "You ain't even know where they went!"

"I want my money!" shrieks Mulberry. "I can't even get a dollar for this piece of shit check! The teller wouldn't cash it! That little Chinese bitch is gonna gimme my money!"

Hiei, Kurama, and Ken arrive at the docks.

"Where is Yusuke?" demands Hiei.

"The bastard gave me the slip," says Ken. "Damn!" he continues, clutching his head as he points toward Mulberry and his friends. "That idiot over there is giving me a headache."

Hiei studies the group, noting Mulberry. "Hn. I know that fool. I can silence him," he says, grabbing his sword hilt.

"That won't be necessary," says Kurama with a stern look at Hiei. "Our problem is that the Skiff is missing."

"I think Mizuno and Kuwabara decided to skip town because of that guy," groans Ken, now clutching both of his ears as he glares at Mulberry. "Something about Mizuno owing the guy money for a locksmith."

* * *

Yusuke slips into Shuu's old apartment through the open window. "Now," he says, "if I were Kuwabara, what would I-*"

The Reikai Compact buzzes; Yusuke answers it.

"We're stranded, Urameshi," spits Ken over the Compact. "Mizuno panicked and dragged Kuwabara off with the Skiff because she wrote this moron a bad check-*"

Mulberry appears on the Compact. "I don't know who you is," he spits in English, "but tell that bitch: Ami Mizuno, that I want my fucking money-aah!" Mulberry shrieks abruptly. "Please don't kill me, man! Please!"

Kurama, taking the Compact from a blubbering Mulberry, continues the conversation. "It was a simple misunderstanding which got a bit out of hand," he says sheepishly.

"So we're stuck here until Koenma can send another Skiff to pick us up," says Yusuke.

"Why can't you just have Koenma fire up another Reikai gate?" asks Ken, looking over Kurama's shoulder.

"It's a once-a-month deal," snorts Yusuke. "Requires too much energy to maintain."

"Perhaps we can ask the native spiritual authorities here in America to assist us," says Kurama, "but we need to know where Kuwabara _-kun_ and Mizuno _-san_ were-*"

Static suddenly interrupts the signal on the Compact; it shuts off.

"Tch," spits Yusuke, rolling his eyes. He turns around to face the window...

...only to find himself at Koenma's office in Reikai.

* * *

Yusuke scowls at Koenma as the infant god enters the office. "What the hell do you want!?" he demands.

"Do you remember the report you gave me?" asks Koenma.

"I gave it to you orally," scowls Yusuke.

Koenma chuckles at Yusuke's inadvertent double entendre.

Yusuke punches Koenma, annoyed. "You typed it up and probably have it filed away somewhere, you asshole!" he spits.

"I know that much," says Koenma. "I just can't recall where, and I need it now."

"I need to find that baby's soul you ordered me to find," counters Yusuke.

Koenma nods. "Yes, and as you know, that file is critical to locating the child's soul," he says.

"I wasn't even supposed to mention that report to the others," says Yusuke. "Now you're telling me we need it to find the kid!? I could have told you that and saved us a lot of time!"

"Perhaps it was for the best," says Koenma.

Yusuke heads to Koenma's desk. "You keep your important files in that drawer," he snorts, pointing at the bottom left drawer. "That's where you keep my file."

"Considering all the trouble you've caused me since the beginning of our relationship," says Koenma, "keeping your file near my fingertips would be a priority." Koenma opens the drawer briefly, then closes it.

Yusuke stares at Koenma, livid.

"Still," Koenma continues, "I thank you for your assistance and the timely reminder."

"Can I get back to tracking Kuwabara and Mizuno now!?" demands Yusuke.

"Certainly," says Koenma. "Just be certain to watch that first step when you leave."

Yusuke shrugs. _It's about time the little bastard started to thank me,_ he says to himself as he turns to leave.

Unseen, Koenma gives a sly grin as his office fades away...

* * *

...even as Kuroda, in Koenma's real office at Reikai, wears the same sly grin. "Urameshi _-kun_ is so useful," he muses as he rifles through the file drawer.

"You won't get away with this," says Koenma, bound by the Yoroi no Gen's webbing.

"We can't let you get away with killing Fuan _-san's_ son," counters Sasaki. "Once we have learned the truth, you will be set free."

"You are in charge of the day-to-day affairs here in Reikai," continues Yamanouchi, "so you do bear some culpability in this matter."

Outside Koenma's office, Toshitada glares at the five Troopers. "I can't believe I have to fight the five of you at once," he says.

"Like you haven't done that before," scoffs Seiji, swinging his sword.

Toshitada dodges. "I was armed before. And alive," he notes.

"See?" grins Ryo. "You have the advantage of not having to worry about stab wounds anymore."

"That," says Toshitada with a smirk as he parries Ryo's twin sword attacks, "and the fact that compared to Yamanouchi, your sword technique is still sluggish."

"Sorry," grins Ryo. "I won't let you make me angry, _sempai_."

Back inside Koenma's office, Koenma silently fumes at his monitor as Yusuke is narrowly rescued from walking off the apartment's roof by Hiei. "Serves him right for mistaking Kuroda's stupid illusions for reality," he mutters.

* * *

"That brat!" spits Yusuke, shaking his fist at the heavens. "He plopped me on the roof of the apartment."

"Yusuke, you fool: you were deceived," counters Hiei.

Kurama nods. "The entire apartment was within a dimensional barrier," he adds. "We couldn't get through to you, or even call your Compact."

"I was talking to Koenma about a dumb file he wanted," says Yusuke.

"It was an illusion," says Ken, sniffing the air. "Smells like Kuroda was lurking around."

"Who the fuck is Kuroda?" asks Yusuke.

"Hard to explain," says Ken. "He's human, but he's lived for over four hundred years, like I did."

"And he creates illusions?" asks Yusuke.

"Not by himself," says Ken. "Kuroda has a special armor uniquely connected to him called the Yoroi no Gen. It's modeled on a spider."

"A _yoroi_ is a truly powerful suit of spiritually-charged armor," continues Kurama. "This Yoroi no Gen sounds like an armor worn by a Youjekai warlord named Arago."

"That's because the Yoroi no Gen is a piece of that armor," says Ken.

"So that rumor is true, then," says Kurama. "In my day, it was said that a human monk had vanquished Arago, and was conducting experiments to purge it of evil."

"What does this have to do with the kid's soul?" balks Yusuke.

"Everything!" snarls Ken. "Shuu also has a _yoroi_ , the Yoroi no Kongou. There are nine _yoroishi_ - _yoroi_ masters-in all."

"And it would appear that all nine of these bastards have cause to subdue Koenma and fool you, Yusuke," says Hiei.

"Eight. One of them is dead," says Ken.

"Who?" asks Yusuke.

"You've already met the guy: Kouma Toshitada," says Ken, grinning at Yusuke. "He's that penitent _shinigami_ you were talking about," he continues, "and the guy I'm searching for."

Yusuke rolls his eyes. "Toshitada," he says, annoyed, "works for Koenma. He wouldn't betray his master-no matter how stupid he is."

"He's going to be outnumbered eight-to-one," says Ken. "Those guys should hope Toshi doesn't find a _kusarigama_."

Yusuke's eyes widen, then he grins. "I've seen the bastard fight with a makeshift one," he says.

* * *

"Shit!" spits Shuu, dodging a chain swing from Toshitada. "Who gave this asshole a _kusarigama_!?"

Hidden nearby, Oda snickers. "Now, Kouma _-kun_ , the odds should be reasonable," he says.

"You're not playing fair, Oda- _sama_ ," scowls Date Masamune, wincing as Toshitada knocks Seiji out.

"I'm just relieved to see that Kouma _-kun_ has kept his _kusarigamajutsu_ sharp in spite of this business with Koenma," says Oda.

"Still you have no respect for the gods, even after death?" muses Akechi Mitsuhide.

"If the gods display such incompetence that Kouma _-kun_ has to fend off five poorly-trained children to protect one," says Oda, shrugging, "then why should I change my opinion?"

"Of course," says Sanada Yukimura, "those other three-Kuroda, Sasaki, and Yamanouchi-are already extracting what they want out of Koenma."

" _Sempai_ is dead and still able to outfight us!?" wonders Ryo, grinning.

Toshitada sighs. "Regrettably, I've been a soldier a great deal longer than I've been a monk or a _shinigami_ ," he says. "I don't want to fight you any longer, Sanada _-kun_ ," he continues, "so I demand that the lot of you leave."

"We'll leave when we feel like it," scoffs Touma.

"Let's take a break," says Shin, taking out several sweet buns. "Can _shinigami_ still eat?" he continues, handing Toshitada a sweet bun.

"Yes," says Toshitada, accepting the dessert, "though we have no need for food...egh! Is this an _azuki_ bean bun!?" he spits, livid.

"Possibly..." muses Shin as he pins Toshitada with his trident. "All _oni_ hate beans."

"I can't believe Kouma _-kun_ fell for that crap," mutters Oda.

Mori Motonari grins. "This is why one never fights alone," he says to Oda as he breaks an arrow.

Oda punches Motonari.

* * *

In Tahiti, Kuwabara and Ami spot Botan sitting on the seashore.

"Botan _-san_ ," says Kuwabara blandly, a quizzical expression on his face, "this is no way to demand a vacation from Koenma- _sama_."

Botan turns to face Kuwabara, her eyes wide with panic.

"Mocking Koenma _-sama_ won't help either," Kuwabara continues. "Why do you have that in your mouth?" he adds, trying to pull out a crystal pacifier.

Kuwabara, however, is unable to pull out the crystal. Botan tries to utter a muffled warning to both him and Ami.

Ami notes Botan's concern, and barely dodges the sand golem as she transforms into Sailor Mercury.

" _Oi_! Lee _-chan_!" says Kuwabara, concerned as he looks at the sand golem. "You've got to let Botan _-san_ go. It's not safe for you," he continues.

The sand golem stares at Kuwabara a moment, then grins happily. "Kazu _-chan_!" it says in a child-like voice.

"I need you to put the sand down, Lee _-chan_ ," says Kuwabara. "Look at what I have," he adds, pulling out Lee's teething ring.

"Mine..." says the golem.

"Yeah," says Kuwabara. "Your father got this for you to bite on when your mouth hurts, right?" he asks.

The golem nods, reaching for the teething ring.

"Let Mercury _-san_ hold you," says Kuwabara. "She's very nice."

Mercury extends her arms as Lee's soul floats out of the golem towards her; the golem, bereft of the soul, reverts to sand.

Kuwabara holds the teething ring just out of Lee's reach. "Now, if you want this back," he admonishes, "you have to let Botan _-san_ go."

Lee's eyes widen, a glimmer of recognition in his eyes. He babbles.

Botan, free from the sand trap, pulls out the pacifier. "You've been a bit naughty, Lee- _chan_ ," she says, "but I forgive you."

Lee nuzzles against Mercury, still wary of Botan.

"If we don't know what's the matter," says Mercury to Lee as Lee takes hold of the teething ring, "how can we help you?"

Lee pulls away a spiritual copy of the teething ring.

"Wow!" Kuwabara grins. "You've got your father's grip, too!"

Lee smiles at Kuwabara.

Kuwabara sighs, gazing into Lee's innocent, guileless eyes. "You're scared to go back to Reikai," he says with understanding, "and you've got every _right_ to be scared, don't you?"

Yusuke, Kurama, Ken, and Hiei arrive.

"Kuwabara, you lucky bastard!" says Yusuke. "You actually came through!"

Kuwabara scowls at Yusuke. "Luck wouldn't have been necessary if you were straight with us the whole time," he says.

Hiei, Kurama, and Ken join Kuwabara in glaring at Yusuke.

"Fuck," Yusuke spits. "I can't win at all."

* * *

"Lee- _chan_ can't remain here forever," says Botan after the group settles in back at Kuwabara's house. "He'll become a poltergeist."

"I know that much," says Kuwabara, observing Ami and Lee. "Nonetheless, we can't just deliver the kid to Reikai without knowing what's going on."

"This whole thing was dirty from the beginning," adds Ken. "That's probably why Kuroda was nosing around. You hurt one of the _yoroishi_ , you've hurt them all."

"Eight," counters Yusuke. "We've still got Toshitada in our corner on Koenma's side."

"Even so, that doesn't mean we're all in the same corner," counters Ken. "I said from the outset that Enma ain't up to any good going after this kid's soul."

"Lee- _chan's_ related to Fuan- _sempai_ -who is a _yoroishi_ ," adds Kuwabara, "so he likely has some of Fuan- _sempai's_ power."

"That's why he had instinctively summoned that sand golem when he returned to his place of origin," continues Botan.

"You mean Tahiti?" says Yusuke. "So that's where Xiao got knocked up..."

Kuwabara hits Yusuke on the back of the head.

Yusuke snorts, rubbing the back of his head. "What kind of brother lets his kid sister get pregnant?" he scoffs.

"You know exactly what kind, Yusuke," says Hiei.

"There's no point in further obfuscation," adds Kurama, annoyed.

"What do you jackasses want me to do!?" spits Yusuke. "I have to bring that kid back to Reikai, or Koenma will have my ass."

"I agree: we have to bring Lee _-chan_ back to Reikai," says Kuwabara. "What happens after that?"

"I'm under orders to escort Lee _-chan_ directly to Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Botan.

"How many people in this room-honestly-can look into that baby's eyes and tell him that he'll be okay when he meets with Enma _-daiousama_?" asks Kuwabara. "A show of hands?"

No one raises their hands.

"Botan _-san_ ," continues Kuwabara. "Where do infants normally go when they die?"

"Most of them automatically go to the Infant Rebirth Room for reincarnation," says Botan.

"So!" says Kuwabara, standing up. "Ami _-san_ , you're going to be a doctor. Does this baby seem exceptional to you?" he asks.

"He looks like a normal, healthy child to me," says Ami.

"Certainly not worthy of a god's scrutiny to me," says Kuwabara. "Let's follow standard Reikai procedure and set Lee _-chan's_ mind at ease so he doesn't kidnap chthonic _shinigami_ out of fright."

"Sounds like a plan to me," shrugs Yusuke. "Koenma only told me to find the kid's soul. If Enma wants the kid after that," he continues, "let him get off his ass and head to the Infant Rebirth Room himself to get it."

* * *

The group, including Botan, arrives at Reikai; they face several welcoming committees: a unit of Reikai Special Forces, the eight _yoroishi_ : Ryo, Seiji, Shin, Shuu, Touma, Kuroda, Yamanouchi, and Sasaki-backed by legions of Chinese and Mongolian warriors led by Genghis Khan; and a freed and angry Koenma with Ayame, a wounded Toshitada, and a group of _oni_ led by George, along with several reluctant Japanese _daimyo_ -most of whom wanted to join the _yoroishi_ -led army.

"You can't keep control of this place for five minutes, can you?" says Yusuke.

"This is your fault, you dumbass!" spits Koenma. "How could you fall for that fellow's parlor tricks!?" he adds, pointing at Kuroda.

"Yes, Urameshi _-kun_ ; you've made matters insultingly simple for me," sneers Kuroda.

"Don't feel bad, Urameshi," says Shuu wryly. "This spider bastard can fool the best of us."

Lee, in Ami's arms, hears Shuu's voice and coos.

Shuu's eyes widen as he wills away his armor's face mask. "Lee!? Is that Lee?" he asks.

"Yeah," says Kuwabara.

"Great!" says Koenma, rushing over to Kuwabara. "You've done well, Kuwabara. Now hand him over!"

Kuwabara looks away from Koenma.

"I'm serious, Kuwabara," says Koenma. "I told you from the beginning that my father needed this child's soul."

"And I told you from the beginning, Koenma _-sama_ " says Kuwabara coldly, "that I thought Enma _-daiousama's_ motives were dirty."

"So are you on our side, then?" asks Shuu earnestly.

"Fuan _-sempai_ ," says Kuwabara. "Lee _-chan_ is dead. He's in the right place, and there's nothing more you can do as far as that."

"I understand," says Shuu, a resigned look of sadness on his face. "He should be up for at least one reincarnation, though, right?" he adds hopefully.

"In that case, great lord Shuu," says Yelu, "the matter is at rest: we will escort our young lord Lee to the Infant Rebirth Room and put this at an end."

Kuwabara grins at Lee. _The lucky little bastard has Genghis Khan on his side,_ he muses. _That was his Chinese flunky._

"Reluctantly," says Toshitada, "the matter cannot end so simply if Enma _-daiousama_ requires Lee's soul."

"You're on thin ice, Japanese dog!" spits another Chinese World War II soldier.

Shuu blinks at the soldier a moment. "Great-uncle Chuu?" he asks in Chinese.

The soldier grins, recognizing Shuu. "You were always my favorite nephew," he says, reverting to his age when he had died.

"How many damned dead relatives do you have!?" demands Toshitada ruefully.

"Enough," says Shuu.

"This little one," says Genghis, "will go where he wishes. Tread lightly, Kouma; you are near eternal death already."

"No. Toshitada won't," says Koenma. "My father is ruler over Reikai," he continues, "and he has final say over what happens to any soul under his jurisdiction."

"True," says Oda, "but at least Enma's not a complete fool. There's a reason why Genghis isn't where he should be-or I myself, for that matter."

"Yeah: all of these ruthless, bloodthirsty bastards would conquer Hell Proper inside of a week," mutter Ken and Yamanouchi.

"It would be wisest," advises Yelu, "to overlook our young lord Lee, and have your honored father seek another soul for his purpose, great Koenma."

"Why isn't Yelu in Hell Proper for enabling Genghis' rule?" whispers Toshitada, annoyed with the old man.

"Two reasons, Toshitada," says Koenma. "One: that _enabling_ you refer to allowed Yelu to save a great deal of innocent lives, and eventually unified China. Two: while he's annoying, Yelu's also so organized. If I got rid of Yelu, the _oni_ would riot and nothing would get done."

"You are single-minded in your tireless devotion to bureaucratic minutiae, my liege," says Toshitada.

"Nah," scoffs Yusuke, "the brat's just lazy."

"Stay out of this, Yusuke!" spits Koenma. He turns to Kuwabara. "I demand Fuan Yang Lee's soul."

"Even if I wanted to," says Kuwabara, "I can't. The kid's gone."

"What!?" balks Koenma.

"Sorry," Kuwabara shrugs, completely unrepentant.

"Looks like Lee _-chan_ made a break for..." Yamanouchi trails off, as the person he was speaking to, Kuroda...

...has also slipped away.

* * *

Mercury, holding Lee, continues to search for the Infant Rebirth Room. Kuroda appears next to Mercury, matching her pace.

Mercury shakes her head. "Nothing you do surprises me anymore, Kuroda _-kun_ ," she says.

Kuroda chuckles. "Has no one taught you to respect your elders, _kunoichi_?" he teases.

"If you are my elder," says Mercury, "it's because you made a career choice that allowed you to cheat time."

"It...wasn't one of my wiser decisions," he says with a hint of bitterness, "but it is what it is."

"Why do you want to help Lee _-chan_ at all?" asks Mercury as she and Kuroda arrive outside the Infant Rebirth Room.

"Sentiment," says Kuroda. "In beauty, you rival my own mother," he continues, "and as to little Lee: he is the kinsman of my brother-in-arms. No...it is more than that."

Mercury studies Kuroda, even as the armored warrior removes his helmet.

"When I first met Fuan _-kun_ ," says Kuroda, "I had despised him. Back then, he was my enemy: Kongou no Shuu; the nine _yoroi_ were opposed to each other, five to my four..."

"I suppose that Sasaki _-kun_ and Yamanouchi _-kun_ were also part of your group of four," says Mercury after listening to Kuroda's narrative.

Kuroda nods. "And Kouma _-kun_ -the _shinigami_ -as well. In fact," Kuroda continues ruefully, "at one point, he was our leader; however, he always had an annoying habit of working at cross-purposes. Kouma _-kun_ never played well with others."

"Don't believe a word Kuroda-that is: Rajura, Masho no Gen-says, Sailor Mercury," says Mars as she arrives with Moon, Jupiter, and Venus.

Kuroda glares at the other _senshi_ as he puts his helm back on. "I have told no lies, _kunoichi_ ," he whispers. "That one with my sweet one and your other comrades, however, has." Kuroda vanishes, leaving Mercury alone...

...for the "one" standing behind the four _senshi_ is Enma.

Lee cries, clinging to Mercury as Enma and her fellow _senshi_ approach them.

* * *

"I don't care about Kuroda _-kun_ ," states Mercury as she backs herself against the door to the Infant Rebirth Room. "I'm not here because of him."

"Then why?" asks Moon.

"This child-Xiao _-san's_ child-is frightened for a reason," continues Mercury, reverting to Ami.

Moon stares at Ami and Lee. "Wait-that's Xiao _-san's_ baby!?" she says, her eyes shining with delight. "I knew he'd be cute!"

"He was cute," says Mars. "Unfortunately, he had died a few weeks ago. That places Lee's fate in Enma _-daiousama's_ hands."

Moon loses her smile, then looks up at the impassive Enma. "What happened?" she asks.

"The infant died an unfortunate death," says Enma. "Say your goodbyes to the child and yield him to me."

"Wait," says Jupiter, glaring at Enma. "This is a baby. My parents told me when I was little that you judged people's sins when they died. If that's true," Jupiter continues, "then what possible sin could a six-month old boy commit for you to judge?"

"Yeah," adds Moon. "The only rotten thing my little brother did at that age was pee in my eye once during a diaper change."

"Humans-indeed: all mortal beings-are subject to die at any time once they are born: for any reason," says Enma, "and sometimes, no reason at all. The child's soul is mine," he continues, "and you will surrender him to me."

"No," counters Ami. "It's illogical to hope that Enma- _daiousama's_ intent is benign. Furthermore," she continues, opening the door to the Infant Rebirth Room, "Lee _-chan_ would normally enter this room to be reborn."

"Subject to my discretion," says Enma, grabbing Ami and Lee with his huge hand before she can enter, "and I have decided to make an exception in this infant's case."

"Why?" Ami demands. Lee cries.

"We don't have the right to question why," says Mars. "This is Enma _-daiousama's_ realm."

"If you don't surrender the child-who is already dead-to me," continues Enma, "then every living soul within the bounds of Reikai shall die, one by one, until you yield."

Ami starts to protest, but Lee softens his crying, placing a hand over Ami's mouth. Whimpering, Lee floats over to Enma's other hand.

"It has been decided. Now, go," Enma orders after setting Ami down.

Ami trembles, tears streaming down her face. Without a word, Venus and Jupiter grab Ami and pull her through the Gate.

Moon and Mars follow after the other three _senshi_.

Moon stops before entering the Gate. "I don't think we made the right choice..." she says.

"It doesn't matter," says Mars. "There was nothing we could have done, Sailor Moon. Mercury will understand."

"But... _I_ don't understand..." says Moon. Wincing, she and Mars enter the Gate.

Lee frowns at Enma.

"Little one," says Enma, "you are the foundation of a new heaven and a new earth. There is no cause for sorrow."


	26. Elixir 19

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #19** : The gods can only push men so far.

byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

An hour later, the _yoroishi_ , Nasuti, and Jun continue arguing inside the Date house.

Kuroda rubs his cheek, having received a punch from Shuu. "You aren't quite done, Fuan _-kun_ ," he says. "Please, continue."

Shuu, seething, lunges at Kuroda; Ryo and Shin grab Shuu.

"Maybe we should hear Kuroda out before beating him to a pulp," says Touma, scowling. "He might have had a good reason for what he did."

Shuu sneers at Kuroda. "I'm all ears," he says with a nasty grin on his face.

Kuroda drops to his haunches, staring at the ground. "It will be difficult to say plainly," he says. "Any of my usual gaming analogies will be misconstrued as an inappropriate degree of levity."

"Just get to the point," spits Yamanouchi.

"Why did you abandon Lee _-chan_ and Mizuno _-san_?" demands Jun.

"When fighting a war: what does it prove to fight a lost battle, when retreat is the wisest course?" asks Kuroda.

"You didn't answer Jun," says Seiji.

"I don't have to," says Kuroda. "One: it's clear that even I am not so arrogant as to think I can fight a giant god. Two," Kuroda continues, "even if Mizuno _-san_ and I had succeeded in fending Enma _-daiousama_ off, it was only a matter of time until Enma _-daiousama_ either seized Lee _-chan_ in a reincarnated life, or achieved his ultimate goal through some other method."

"Why should we care what his goal is!?" says Shuu.

"Because it's the only way for us to justify Lee _-chan's_ death," says Kuroda. "I'm not certain of any of you," he continues, with a meaningful look to Shuu, "but if a man wounds me, I won't be satisfied by simply making his nose bloody."

Shuu stares at Kuroda, confused.

"It's inadequate, after all that you've lost because of Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Kuroda, "and considering what we all stand to lose."

Shuu sighs. "If by that, you mean killing the son of a bitch isn't enough," he says, tensing his fists, "that almost makes sense. I want the bastard to _lose_."

Seiji's grandfather sips from a saucer of _sake_. "From Kuroda _-dono's_ perspective," he says, "Enma _-daiousama_ would have to be defeated in all of his goals, and then dispatched-to make an example of him to his peers."

"His peers would be other gods, Date- _sensei_ ," says Sasaki.

"The gods can only push men so far," says Seiji.

"That still doesn't explain why you couldn't save Lee _-chan_ ," says Jun.

"Yamanouchi _-dono's_ dream is the key," says Kuroda, handing Seiji, Touma, and Nasuti manila folders. "This is Kouma _-kun's_ contribution at the moment," he adds with a smirk towards the unconscious Toshitada, bound to a chair.

"Why did we kidnap him again?" asks Shin.

" _Sempai_ was only doing his job," adds Ryo, "and he's not responsible for killing Lee _-chan_."

"True," says Yamanouchi, "but we need to make the stubborn, conceited twit see that he should help us get at the one who did kill Lee _-chan_."

"We shall likely be marked as criminals by Reikai," says Sasaki. "The three of us and Kayura _-dono_ will take Kouma _-kun_ to the Youjekai," he continues, and the rest of you are welcome to join us there."

"That won't be necessary," grins Kayura as she appears. "Right now, we're _zakou_ compared to what Reikai is worried about."

Yamanouchi and Sasaki scowl at Kayura.

"Calm down, you two," says Kayura. "I simply meant that our spies embedded in Reikai Intelligence tell me that there's a group trying to break the barrier to the Makai. Enma does not want that to happen."

"Then we should bust it open ourselves," says Shuu.

"Not a good idea," counters Kayura. " _Ningenkai_ doesn't want that either-unless we humans want to be snack food for the most powerful _yokai_ alive."

"Your point is that we'll be safe to figure out what the information in these folders mean while Reikai tries to contain the threat to their barrier," says Seiji.

Kayura nods.

"Then let's get to work, everyone," says Touma, putting on a pair of glasses and opening his folder.

Seiji nods approvingly. "Kouma _-san's_ a great typist," he says.

* * *

Makoto, scowling, enters her apartment; Minako follows her inside.

"Fuck off, Aino," spits Makoto as she flings her book satchel towards the couch and stalks toward the kitchen.

Minako slips off her shoes at the door, then puts on her pair of courtesy slippers: a pair of white fuzzy slippers with a pair of embroidered fuschia hearts on each slipper.

Makoto grabs a Bundt pan and a box of flour.

"Ooh," says Minako. "German chocolate Bundt cake. You're really pissed."

"Go home!" demands Makoto, glowering as she quickly mixes the dry ingredients.

"I just wanted to say," says Minako slowly, "that your instincts were right."

"W...what?" asks Makoto, confused.

"About Seiji _-san_ ," says Minako. "You were right."

"What the hell do you mean?" continues Makoto.

"That he's not as straightforward as he appears," says Minako. "Far more than just a handsome face and sexy smile."

"Look," sighs Makoto balefully. "Date _-san's_ not perfect or anything, but it's not his fault that his friends are deranged...and understandably angry at us."

"You're not confronting the problem," says Minako.

"What?" balks Makoto. "That from their perspective, we're accessories to a baby's divinely-ordained murder?"

"I can understand that viewpoint," says Minako, "but there's the whole matter of Rei's psychic soulmate...and who he really is."

"So what?" snorts Makoto. "Kuroda _-kun_ possesses enchanted samurai armor. He's still the same creepy and goofy bookworm."

"'Enchanted samurai...'" mutters Minako inaudibly.

"Okay; speak up!" fumes Makoto.

"Fine," says Minako crisply, in her Silver Millennium persona. "What you just called the Yoroi no Gen, and its master," she continues, "is ridiculous. You'd be less silly if you called the bomb that dropped on Hiroshima a firecracker!"

"It's magical armor, isn't it!?" spits Makoto.

"Yes," says Minako. "One-ninth of a powerful armor wielded by a spiritual master of martial arts: the creator of the _reihadou_."

Makoto blinks.

"Defeating this fellow required the combined strength of all of the _shitennou_ ," continues Minako, "and that armor-during that time, a thousand years ago-wasn't nearly as strong as it would be now if it were reunited."

"The _shitennou_..." muses Makoto. "Each one of them proved stronger than us in a straightforward fight."

"The four of them and Beryl were able to destroy the entire Moon Kingdom in a single day," says Minako. "Truthfully, the only reason we were able to win the day and save Earth this time was because Beryl was too horny for Mamoru _-san_ to think straight."

"I guess," says Makoto. "Otherwise, we would have had to deal with all four of them again instead of Kunzite and Zoisite. What's your point?" she asks.

"Rajura is a general and ranking noble of the Youjekai," says Minako, "a neutral realm where-in the past-humans coexisted with _yokai_ and other supernatural beings; it was to be a model society for Earth itself."

"What happened?" wonders Makoto.

"That master of the _reihadou_ happened," says Minako, grim. "Arago."

"Okay..." says Makoto. "So what?"

"That raises an important question, don't you think?" asks Minako.

"About what? Aside from-of course-what a guy from the Sengoku era who lived in a magical kingdom would possibly want to do _here_?" says Makoto.

"What kind of fellow is Seiji _-san_ ," asks Minako, "that he feels at ease with those three soldiers-former servants of a demon emperor-living in his house?"

"I...I don't know!" balks Makoto. "The more I see of that man," she fumes, "the less I understand."

* * *

"If you release me now," says Toshitada, glaring at Kuroda, "I will do my best to ensure this doesn't count against the three of you."

"We will release you when you've come to your senses, Kouma," says Yamanouchi.

"Haven't we had a similar conversation before?" asks Toshitada.

"Yes!" grins Sasaki cheerfully, eating an _azuki_ sweet bun. "Want one?"

"No," spits Toshitada.

"Don't be a sore loser, Kouma," says Yamanouchi.

"It's true that you and the three of us are working once more at cross-purposes," says Kuroda, "but this time, old comrade, you are the one who has chosen to be deluded."

"You would dare to put Enma _-daiousama_ and Arago in the same category!?" says Toshitada, livid.

"No, Kouma _-kun_ ," says Sasaki. "While Arago was evil, we received from him what we had chosen to receive."

Toshitada scowls at the trio.

"Enma _-daiousama_ stole Lee _-chan's_ life," continues Sasaki, "and used our own weapons to do it."

"You can't expect me to openly oppose Enma _-daiousama_ without proof," counters Toshitada. "The three of you are so stupid, it's a wonder you had survived the Sengoku period before Arago."

"If you weren't already dead, Kouma," spits Yamanouchi, "I'd kill you myself."

"Toshitada's point is that he's the only one in a position to learn what my dad's plan is," says Koenma as he appears before the group. "You idiots are about to force my hand too soon!"

"Is that so...?" says Kuroda with a soft, knowing smile.

"You see," Koenma continues with an annoyed look at Toshitada, "this fellow has already prodded me to investigate my father, and I tend to listen to him from time to time."

"Does it have anything to do with those individuals trying to breach the Makai barrier?" asks Sasaki.

Koenma pouts. "You're lucky that I have your stupid Youjekai spies in my custody instead of Dad's. Kayura really gets on my nerves!" he fumes.

"Indeed," says Kayura. "But seriously: answer Sasaki _-kun's_ question."

"It has to do with a missing videotape from our archives," says Koenma. "To keep it simple: if the magnitude of human sins were fully known," he continues, "then various divine authorities would begin to question Reikai's current hard-line stance against _yokai_. Heaven knows that Toshitada has questioned it enough without the damned tape."

"Amen to that, Koenma _-sama_ ," says Yamanouchi wryly.

"I'm going to send Yusuke and his usual team to deal with the threat while Toshitada continues his investigation," Koenma continues. "I need you three and the rest of the _yoroishi_ to stay out of his way."

"As you wish," says Kuroda as he frees Toshitada. "Please keep in mind that whatever you discover in your probe is what Enma _-daiousama_ wants you to find. You will have barely scratched the surface."

"If it's proven that my father engaged in any wrongdoing," says Koenma, "then that will be enough to indict him for trial." Koenma turns to leave.

Toshitada starts to follow, but Koenma stops him.

"You still have a bit of business to clear up with them, don't you?" asks Koenma.

"I do, my liege," says Toshitada, looking at Sasaki, "but now is not the time to deal with it."

"You won't be able to put it off forever," says Koenma. "I'll let you come with me this time," he continues, "but you must resolve the matter in order to finish your penance."

"I understand," says Toshitada, bowing to Koenma. He and Koenma leave the three former Masho atop the roof of the Date house.

Kuroda touches his chin. "Sasaki _-kun_ ," he says after a moment. "I've long had this thought..."

"It's easier for me to think that Kouma _-kun's_ a naive fool," says Sasaki. "If he has anything to say in regards to that day, Kuroda _-dono_ , then let him say it when he's ready."

Yamanouchi grins sympathetically. _Knowing the poor bastard as well as I do,_ he says to himself, _he probably was a naive fool._

* * *

"We were wrong," says Ami with conviction. "You won't tell me otherwise, Rei."

"It's pointless to argue this, Ami," counters Rei. "Enma _-daiousama's_ a god; we couldn't have stood in his way if we'd wanted to."

"Don't hand me that crap!" spits Ami.

Rei blanches at Ami's language. _Kuwabara-kun is starting to rub off on her,_ the priestess smiles in spite of the argument. _Probably in a very good way._

"You, Usagi, and I ran over a demigod with an airplane," Ami continues.

" _Jadeite_ ran himself over with the plane he'd planned to kill us with," scoffs Rei.

"Didn't Usagi kill Kunzite on her own?" asks Ami.

"From what Usagi told us when we regained our memories," says Rei, "Kunzite just stood there and took the hit. I think on some twisted level," she continues, "those jerks wanted us to win."

"Nephrite was the only one remotely sympathetic to our side," counters Ami, "Artemis' research on the Silver Millenium period notwithstanding." She sighs.

"The past is the past regarding him," says Rei. "Besides, you have Kuwabara _-kun_ to take care of you now."

"How, exactly?" asks Ami, scowling.

"You know how!" teases Rei. "Seriously, Ami: enjoy your time with Kuwabara _-kun_ while you can," she continues. "You and I both know how brief that time will be."

"I think...there's something you don't know about me," says Ami.

Rei studies Ami.

"I don't cope with losing very well," says Ami quietly. "That's one of the reasons...why I'm so angry that we let Lee _-chan_ go without a fight. We've never simply given in before-to anyone, no matter how powerful."

"We had no choice in this one," says Rei. "It was either Lee _-chan_ or..." Rei trails off.

"Or whom?" asks Ami, a bitter smile on her face. "What exactly did Enma _-daiousama_ tell you?" she asks Rei.

"You're too sharp, Mizuno-you know that?" says Rei, returning the bitter smile. "Enma _-daiousama_ told me, alone, that the future of Earth was in jeopardy if I didn't get you to give him Lee _-chan_."

"I see," says Ami. "Far more than you do," she adds, crying.

Rei holds Ami. "What do you mean...?" she asks Ami.

"Lee _-chan_...is only the first casualty. There will be billions of others," Ami continues. "There must be..."

* * *

Usagi, trembling, enters her room...only to see Shingo playing _**Street Fighter II**_ on her _Super Famicom_ with Kuwabara.

"Shingo," says Usagi, "if you're going to use my things without my permission, at least take them to your room."

Shingo studies Usagi as he pauses the game; he and Kuwabara note Usagi's eyes.

"Are you alright, Tsukino _-san_?" asks Kuwabara.

"Yeah; you're never this reasonable about your stuff," adds Shingo.

"Just take the _Famicom_ to your room before I change my mind," says Usagi.

"Whatever's bothering your sister," says Kuwabara, with understanding, "she wants to deal with it on her own." He leaves Usagi's room.

Shingo turns off the _Super Famicom_ and disconnects it from Usagi's television. " _Aneki_ ," he says. "If you need help with something, you know I'm here for you, right?"

"What I know is that I have a little brother who loves to invade my privacy," spits Usagi. "Now get out of my room!"

Shingo sighs, shakes his head, and takes the _Super Famicom_ with him out of Usagi's room.

Usagi shuts the door, walks to her bed, then weeps.

* * *

"Who the hell is 'Selenity'?" asks Touma.

"Whoever she is, if she can stop Earth's crystallization," notes Seiji, "then it makes sense that she could undo what Enma _-daiousama_ did to Lee _-chan_."

"That name..." says Kayura, touching her chin. "It's familiar to me: that name and Endymion."

"Endymion's a character from Greek mythology," says Seiji. "You're not that old, Kayura _-dono_."

"I know that much," says Kayura. "The Endymion I refer to was the namesake of the one you named; a brave prince in love with the princess of the moon, Selenity."

"You truly are a little girl after all," teases Kuroda.

"Don't make me spank you again, Kuroda _-kun_ ," says Kayura, pointing a _sai_ at Kuroda.

"Careful with that sharp object, Kayura _-dono_ ," counters Kuroda. "You'll put my eye out."

Kayura slaps her forehead at Kuroda's bad joke.

Kuroda chuckles. "In any event, there is someone connected to the moon that I had observed," he continues, "a girl wearing the same type of poorly-conceived combat uniform as Mizuno _-dono_."

"You think this girl could be Selenity?" asks Kayura.

"Helpfully, the girl is literally named 'Tsukino Usagi'," Kuroda says, grinning.

"Be serious, Kuroda _-kun_ ," says Seiji.

"I am," says Kuroda, pulling out other manila folders. "Here are the files of the five ' _senshi_ ' I have observed."

Seiji reads a folder, the one on "Tsukino Usagi". "She's the reincarnation of 'Selenity _-hime_ ', who lived on the moon a thousand years ago."

"This reads like a really bad _shojo_ anime," balks Touma. "Are you sure Enma's not toying with us?" _It's just like that scenario she wrote..._ he muses silently.

"The girls are real," says Kuroda, "as is Mizuno _-dono's_ power as Sailor Mercury. If we are to learn the truth about them," he continues, "perhaps we can test them out for ourselves."

The group continues to read the files, including four more folders that Kuroda produces.

"If these Sailor _senshi_ are in on Enma _-daiousama's_ conspiracy," says Seiji, "then they're our enemies. And if Yamanouchi _-kun's_ dream, the temporary break of Kuroda _-kun's_ bond with Rei _-san_ , and these files are correct," he continues, grim, "then they have no choice but to be."

"But that would make Makoto _-dono_ our enemy, Date _-san_!" says Sasaki, in shock. "To say nothing of Rei _-dono_ ," he continues, studying Kuroda.

"It cannot be helped," says Seiji stonily, his hands trembling. "Makoto _-san_ would likely see matters the same way."

"And Rei _-dono_ has already resolved to oppose us," adds Kuroda calmly, "no matter her private feelings."

"Why can't we just explain to them that Enma _-sama's_ a murderer?" counters Nasuti.

Kuroda laughs harshly.

"Don't discount it! Makoto, Ami, and Usagi are all from Juuban Middle: they were Xiao's schoolmates, and good friends to her," continues Nasuti. "Besides," she adds to Kuroda, "didn't Ami try to protect Lee _-chan_?"

"Everything you say is true, Nasuti _-dono_ ," says Kuroda. "Regrettably, my _kunoichi_ and my sweet one both know the kind of powers Lee _-chan's_ soul had...and has their duty to their mistress to uphold. Makoto _-dono_ takes the matter seriously as well."

"We have to capture Tsukino _-san_ and make her undo Enma _-daiousama's_ work," says Seiji. "She won't willingly sacrifice her own child-not even for Xiao _-san's_ sake."

"And those young women aren't going to meekly allow us to abduct their mistress," adds Kuroda. "Remember that there are eight of these women sworn to protect Tsukino _-dono_. We'll have to be cautious and cunning."

"Then we'll take out Mizuno first," says Touma, "as soon as Koenma sends Urameshi and Kuwabara out to stop those maniacs from opening the Makai barrier. The last thing we need is to fight Kuwabara."

"Kuwabara _-kun_ has been steadily losing his spiritual abilities," notes Kuroda.

"Power or no power," counters Touma, "that bastard's even more stubborn than Shuu, and can take a beating. We wait until he and Urameshi are on assignment."

"We could send Yamanouchi _-dono_ after Kuwabara _-kun_ if he causes trouble for us," says Kuroda.

"No," says Kayura. "Touma _-kun's_ plan is the best, Kuroda _-kun_."

"Why, Kayura _-dono_?" asks Kuroda.

"Because Kuwabara _-kun_...hasn't lost his power at all," says Kayura. "Kuwabara _-kun_ had already surpassed Yamanouchi _-kun_ in raw potential some time ago, during the Dark Tournament."

"With all due respect, Kayura _-dono_ ," counters Kuroda stiffly, "Yamanouchi _-dono_ is experienced enough as a soldier-and superior in his swordsmanship-to compensate for any deficiency in power."

"As you don't believe me, Kuroda _-kun_ ," Kayura giggles, "then send Yamanouchi _-kun_ to observe Kuwabara _-kun_ -during the Makai barrier investigation."

"I will go with Yamanouchi _-dono_ ," says Kuroda. "I must see this for myself."

"Feel free, Kuroda _-kun_ ," says Kayura.

"Thank you, Kayura _-dono_ ," says Kuroda, smiling thinly as he bows to Kayura and leaves.

"You still like to bait them, don't you?" grins Seiji.

"Those three are cute when they're frustrated," says Kayura.

"Is it true what you said about Kuwabara?" asks Touma.

"I have a reliable inside source regarding Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kayura.

"Who?" asks Seiji.

"For now," says Kayura, "let's just remember that Arago was once a human being."

* * *

Ami finishes explaining her assessment of the _yoroishi_ to Rei, Makoto, and Minako.

"...and so, I'll gather intelligence on the other four _yoroishi_ , to reduce the current advantage they have against us," says Ami.

"Okay," says Minako. "But don't keep us out of the loop anymore: understood?"

Ami nods, then leaves Hikawa Shrine.

"Why?" asks Makoto, glowering at Rei.

"Where's Usagi?" asks Rei, quiet.

"I sent her grocery shopping," says Minako brightly, but with a sharp look in her eyes. "She's going to make a big meal for us, and we'll have a picnic here."

"Why?" continues Makoto, her question almost a growl.

"Where did Ami run off to?" asks Minako.

"It's just as she said: she's doing some business-related research for us," says Rei calmly.

"Why!?" thunders Makoto, tensing her fists.

"You need to clarify your question, Makoto," says Rei, narrowing her eyes at Makoto. "What do you want to know the 'why' of?"

Minako pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Why," says Makoto softly. "As in: why in the fuck didn't you just tell us that Kuroda _-kun_ was a Sengoku-era samurai?"

"It wasn't relevant," says Rei. "I thought that you all trusted my judgment."

"But that would have explained everything!" spits Makoto.

"How?" hisses Rei.

Makoto throws a copy of Usagi's diary entry onto the porch of the Shrine. "What possible room do we have for skepticism about centuries-old samurai and magic armor," she counters, "when this fucked-up 'problem-solving math assignment' of Touma's is our _actual_ future?"

"Rei," spits Minako, dropping her cheerful affect. "I guarantee you that Kuroda _-kun_ 's cohorts know everything about us by now."

"Yeah-now," smirks Rei. "Because Kuroda _-kun_ got the same riot act from all of his friends...except Yamanouchi _-kun_ and Sasaki _-kun_. He's such a lucky old bastard."

"What are you saying?" asks Makoto.

"Before this mess," says Rei, "only my identity and Ami's was in danger of being compromised, and Kuroda _-kun_ had faithfully kept that a secret from his friends for his own reasons."

"How did Ami blow her cover?" asks Minako.

"A futile stunt done to protect Kuwabara _-kun_ from Kunzite's influence," says Rei. "Thankfully, Kuwabara _-kun_ 's not going to press the issue."

"Ah, that Kuwabara _-kun_ : he's such a fine fellow. As to Kuroda _-kun_ ," says Minako, winking at Rei, "we'll definitely talk about that."

"There's nothing to talk about," says Rei curtly.

"You have a five year-old psychic love bond with him!" counters Minako. "You won't profane this shrine by trying to bullshit us-saying it's nothing."

Rei stares at Minako.

Makoto scowls at Rei and Minako. "Aino," she says, "we have big problems, if what Ami said before she left is true."

Minako sighs. "In _other_ business," she says with a look to Rei as her tone grows serious, "five of these armor-bearers, or _yoroishi_ , have been identified."

Rei nods. "One is Kuroda _-kun_ , known as Rajura: Masho no Gen. One, who is dead, is Toshitada _-san_ : the _shinigami_ who was at the Higurashi shrine. He was once Shutendouji: Masho no Oni. The other two I know of for certain are Yamanouchi Naotoki, alias Naaza: Masho no Doku; and Sasaki Kujuurou, also known as Anubis: Masho no Yami."

"That...explains a bit," muses Makoto.

"There's also Fuan _-kun_ ," continues Rei, "who bears the Yoroi no Kongou."

"Okay," says Makoto. "Leaving out Toshitada _-san_ , that's four trained martial artists-three of them soldiers from the Sengoku period-who have pieces of an ancient magical armor."

"Armor powerful enough to make its original owner," says Minako soberly, "a formidable threat to Earth and the Moon Kingdom."

"Arago," says Rei, trembling, "the ruler-no, usurper-of the Youjekai."

"Worse than that, ladies," says Artemis, eating a piece of broiled fish.

"It took the combined strength of the _shitennou_ to keep him pinned on Earth," says Minako. "That's why Arago had taken over the Youjekai in the first place."

"Keep in mind that the _shitennou_ are the same jerks who destroyed the Moon Kingdom in a day," adds Makoto.

" _They_ had an army," says Rei, pouting. "Besides," she continues, "Rajura-Kuroda _-kun_ -had never confronted Jadeite or Kunzite directly. He's smart enough to avoid unwinnable fights-which tells us that there are limits to the _yoroi's_ power."

Minako touches her chin.

"Also, if Arago's original _yoroi_ was that strong," continues Rei, "then the _yoroishi_ would have found a way to combine their armor's power-*"

"Kikoutei," says Artemis. "Only needs five of the nine pieces," the white cat continues, "with the Yoroi no Rekka as the core piece."

"Further than the Kikoutei," says Rei, rubbing her arms. "Let's wait for Ami to come back with her research," she continues, "so that we have a better idea of what we're up against."

"I can give you a rough estimate," says Makoto tersely. "Think about the Sengoku period," she continues, "and the fact that three of the _yoroishi_ actually lived and fought during that period."

Minako studies Makoto, while Rei blinks at the tall girl.

"Hell," continues Makoto, trembling as she smiles nervously, "Sasaki _-san_ even mentioned having a half-brother named Kojirou..."

Minako pats Makoto's shoulder. "Do you think the famous Sasaki Kojirou gave Sasaki _-kun_ a few pointers way back when?" she asks.

"Pointers!?" balks Makoto. "Thinking about it now, Sasaki _-san_ was probably the better swordsman all along."

"That's certainly Kuroda _-kun_ 's opinion," says Rei, "but he's biased: they were friends since Kuroda _-kun_ was thirteen."

"Our history teachers lied to us!" quips Minako.

Makoto glares at Minako.

"Calm down, Makoto," says Minako. "I'm just wondering how you came to that conclusion."

"Simple," says Makoto. "I've seen him spar with Date _-san_ and Yamanouchi _-san_ in _kendo_. And don't get me started with Yamanouchi _-san_! He's this insane fusion of Miyamoto Musashi and Bruce Lee," she continues, "and Sasaki _-san_ 's the only one who can spar with him."

Rei sighs. "All the more reason," she says, "why we need to wait until Ami returns to us with her research."

* * *

In his quarters at the Old Palace in the Youjekai, Sasaki observes Yamanouchi-training outside-through his bedroom window,.

 _It's always astonishing,_ Sasaki muses, _to see how disciplined Yamanouchi-dono is. How controlled and focused. And yet,_ he continues, _how at odds with his rough speech._

Yukina wakes, sitting up in Sasaki's bed.

Sasaki turns his head, glancing towards his bed-only to whip his head away, blushing.

"Ah, that's right," says Yukina, smiling as she dons Sasaki's _yukata_ to cover herself. "Humans are embarrassed by naked bodies."

"That...is not quite the right word, Yukina _-dono_ ," says Sasaki, exasperated. "I find you beautiful, not embarrassing," he continues, composing himself.

Yukina studies Sasaki.

"I am honored," says Sasaki, sitting beside Yukina on the bed, "that you would deem me worthy to meet your needs...though you won't be able to return to your homeland because of me."

"That cold place...is not home to me," says Yukina, a frown on her face. "I thank you, Kujuurou _-san_ , for cutting my ties to it."

Sasaki chuckles. "That's a new way to refer to the matter," he says. "Though I'm certain that Kuwabara _-kun_ would have eagerly assisted you had you asked him."

"Kazuma _-san_?" wonders Yukina.

"He adores you, Yukina _-dono_ ," says Sasaki. "I'd honestly say that his love for you is greater than mine."

"That's possible. Kazuma _-san_ does say that he loves me," says Yukina. "Nonetheless, he's very young," she continues, "and it would be cruel of me to take advantage of him, or to steal him from Mizuno _-san_ : the one who has the key to Kazuma _-san's_ heart."

"Are you jealous?" asks Sasaki.

"I don't understand," says Yukina.

"Are you angry that he professes his love for you," says Sasaki, "but truly loves another?"

"Why?" wonders Yukina.

"I know jealousy is a human failing," says Sasaki, "but I also know that it's not an emotion unknown to _yokai_."

"I know what jealousy is," says Yukina, "but I've never felt it towards anyone. I love Kazuma _-san_ ," she continues, "and I want him to be happy. He's so happy when he thinks of Mizuno _-san_ , just as you're happy when you share stories about Rin _-san_."

Sasaki laughs. "Rin _-dono_ would have been horrified if you had addressed her that way," he says. "Her opinion of humans was quite low," he adds, "and we were certainly not deserving of any honorifics."

Yukina studies Sasaki.

"At first, she would always be angry when I addressed her as 'Rin _-dono_ '," continues Sasaki, "even though I was just trying to be respectful. Of course, as we both grew older, I found that I liked to tease Rin _-dono_ on occassion-just to make her eyes shine for me, even if it was only because I was annoying her."

"And the two of you became close," says Yukina. "It makes sense, then, that you were prepared to kill Toguro _-san_ ," she adds. "He resembled the man you hated so much: the one who took her away from you."

"That memory...opens a dark place in my heart," says Sasaki quietly. "I would rather not revisit it."

"I understand your feelings," says Yukina, picking up a pair of large _hiruiseki_. "It's an empty place, and cold," she continues, "where the only warmth you can feel is your own anger."

Sasaki touches Yukina's shoulder.

"That anger," continues Yukina. "I'm sick of it, and I want to find my brother...so that I can rid myself of my anger."

Sasaki draws Yukina close to him. "That is a dangerous path to tread, Yukina _-dono_ ," he warns.

"Then," says Yukina, "let's walk in the path of light. Let's bring Kazuma _-san_ and Mizuno _-san_ happiness, so that we can learn to be happy."

Sasaki notes the pair of _hiruiseki_. "These are beautiful," he says. "I'm not surprised that in our greed, we humans would dare to steal these from you."

"Except that I have given these to you freely," says Yukina.

"And these are not mine to take, Yukina _-dono_ ," says Sasaki. "You have made your intent for these clear."

"So we'll give these to Mizuno _-san_ and Kazuma _-san_ ," says Yukina.

Sasaki nods; he sets the _hiruiseki_ on the nightstand near his bed.

"And we will share," continues Yukina, stroking Sasaki's cheek, "in each other's friendship."

Sasaki touches Yukina's chin. "It is my honor, Yukina _-dono_ ," he says as he begins to kiss her.

Yukina returns the kiss; Sasaki lowers Yukina to his bed.

* * *

"This...is a lot to consider, Chiba _-san_ ," says Kenji stiffly. "You-and especially Usagi-are both still rather young."

"I'm serious, Tsukino _-san_ ," says Mamoru gravely. "I won't change my mind."

"Usagi hasn't finished her schooling," says Ikuko, staring at both Usagi and Mamoru.

"And you haven't finished college," adds Kenji, adjusting his glasses.

"To be blunt, Tsukino _-san_ ," says Mamoru, "the matter's already decided between Usagi and myself: her consent is all I require to act."

Kenji blinks at Usagi, in shock.

" _Okaasan_ , _otousan_ : Mamoru _-san_ and I will marry," says Usagi, trembling as she squares her shoulders. "Either we will have your blessing now," she continues, determined, "or your forgiveness later-if at all."

"I...will fix more coffee," says Ikuko breathlessly. "Usagi," she adds as she takes out a second mug. "How does Chiba _-san_ like his coffee?"

"Mamoru _-san_ likes it the same as-*" Usagi begins.

"Usagi!" says Ikuko sharply, but quietly. "Don't shout across the room. Please come here," she continues, beckoning to Usagi.

Usagi complies.

"I would have gladly told her..." begins Mamoru; his words trail off as he notes Kenji's glare.

"The time for such forthrightness," says Kenji icily, "would have been before the two of you opted to discuss marriage...without consulting us..."

"...and you're terrible at lying about those matters," continues Ikuko, a wry smile on her face.

"But we weren't intimate when that-!" gasps Usagi.

Ikuko pops a spoonful of sugar inside Usagi's mouth. "You don't have to tell me," she says, smiling. "Please understand, Usagi: we both knew this day for you and Mamoru would come soon," she continues. "Just not _this_ soon."

"So...if I told you that I'm pregnant, _okaasan_ ," says Usagi after she swallows the sugar, "would that explain our urgency?"

"Most young ladies your age would have ended that condition," says Ikuko gravely, "if they conceived a child with an older man."

"I am, though," continues Usagi. "I wanted to start my family now," she adds, "with Mamoru _-san_..."

"...and we did this," says Mamoru, "because we want to keep our destiny in our own hands. No one knows what tomorrow will bring, Tsukino _-san_ ," he continues, "and that's as it should be, don't you think?"

Ikuko and Usagi bring Kenji and Mamoru fresh mugs of coffee: black, with sugar.

Kenji takes the mug from Usagi. "Ah," he says, sipping the coffee.

Usagi sighs. "I know I should have told you sooner, _otousan_ ," she says, "but that's no reason to give Mamoru _-san_ a hard time."

"No, Usagi," says Mamoru, accepting the mug of coffee from Ikuko. "He's fighting to protect his daughter. I will honor his example."

"Then you both understand what is expected of you," says Kenji.

"Yes, sir," says Usagi, resolute. "We will see this through to the end."

"I love _odango-atama_ ," adds Mamoru, smirking, "and I want her as my wife."

"And I will have 'Mamo _-baka_ ' as my husband," says Usagi, returning Mamoru's smirk, "until death do us part-which will be far sooner than he expects if he doesn't cut out his teasing."

Shingo stands in the doorway; he laughs. "I thought those two were married already," he quips.

"Go to your room, Shingo!" grin Usagi, Mamoru, and the two parents.

* * *

Outside Michiru's mansion, Haruka smiles as Michiru smoothes Hotaru's hair; Hotaru sleeps with a half-open textbook in her hand. Michiru sighs, kissing Hotaru's forehead.

"She's studying too hard," quips Haruka. "We'll have to fire Ami."

Michiru stands. "We'll do no such thing," she says with a playful smile. "With everything that's going on in their lives," she continues, the smile fading, "they need a center of normalcy...for as long as it can last." Michiru rubs her arms.

"Don't think that way," says Haruka, firm. "We've always known that the day would come when those four would come into their own. The three of us," she continues, gazing at Hotaru, "are no longer needed."

"That's true," says Michiru. "I understand that quite well, Haruka. You'd think, though, that Luna and Artemis would be the ones to turn us away," she continues, "or Usagi herself."

"Take away our powers and memories," says Haruka, "and let us lead normal lives. That would be what Usagi would do to all eight of us if we let her," she adds. "Makoto always says that Usagi has guts, and I no longer doubt that."

"Those four have incredible strength," says Michiru, "along with a purity of spirit that makes the three of us rather redundant. Truly, they are worthy to be our queen's royal guard."

"So we mustn't blame them, Michiru," says Haruka, "for what is about to come to pass. If any of them knew of a way to stop it, they would."

"I'm not," says Michiru. "At least this time," she continues, trembling, "we know how it started, and we know the name of the one I'd personally damn to hell if I could."

Setsuna sips a glass of wine, smiling. "It appears that the opportunity is approaching us," she says.

Enma appears before the three women.

Setsuna crosses her legs, appraising Enma coolly. Haruka scowls at Enma, while Michiru narrows her eyes.

Enma adjusts his glasses. "I would speak with you alone, Meioh Setsuna," he says.

Setsuna sips her glass of wine. "There's nothing you need to discuss with me," she says, "that can't be said in front of my comrades. I have worked with them, in one fashion or another, for over a thousand years-which is nothing to me, the Guardian of Time and high priestess to the Receiver of Many and the Queen of Chthonia."

Enma glowers at Setsuna.

"I have no intention of humoring your conceited arrogance today, Enma _-daiousama_ ," continues Setsuna.

"Very well," says Enma, his face impassive. "I merely arrived to warn you of an impending threat to the timeline that the reborn Selenity and Endymion have caused with their recklessness."

Setsuna locks her eyes onto Enma. "You...dare to insult the queen of the Moon Kingdom, and the king of the Earth?" she hisses.

Enma's eyes widen.

Setsuna stands, setting down her wine glass. "All that the current incarnation of the queen of the Moon has done," she continues, "is complete the circle of time, and repair what you, in your greed and ignorance, have broken. In a rather elegant and natural manner that I'd be a fool to protest, may I add."

"The Crystal Tokyo timeline will cease to exist," says Enma tersely, "unless you act."

"I will not act," says Setsuna. "The Crystal Tokyo timeline was not meant to exist," she continues, "and I refuse to sustain your lie."

"I command-*" begins Enma.

"You...command me...?" scoffs Setsuna, her voice only slightly above a whisper.

"I demand that you stop Tsukino Usagi's pregnancy," bellows Enma.

"You are so far outside your domain and your depth that you have forgotten your place, Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Setsuna. "You do not-you _cannot_ -command me," she continues.

Enma scowls.

"I outrank you, you overgrown ass," says Setsuna quietly. "So, to put you back in your place: in the name of Persephone Praxidike Chthonios, return to the cubicle in the miniscule corner of hell you came from."

Before Enma could respond, a vortex wreathed in blue flames appears beneath him, with shadowy chains binding his body. The vortex drags him below it, then disappears.

Haruka and Michiru stare at Setsuna in mute shock.

Setsuna chuckles. "I'm not called 'Sailor Pluto' for nothing, you know," she says.

"You...damned a god to hell..." says Michiru, astonished.

"Reikai is a part of hell, or Limbo, to be precise," says Setsuna. "I just sent him back to his office. Hopefully," she continues, "that scares him enough to end his stupid plan."

"Is all of that crap about you serving Hades and Persephone true?" wonders Haruka.

Setsuna nods. "My royal Plutonian bloodline is descended from the founder of an ancient mystery cult which worshipped Persephone and Hades in secret," she says. "Along with other mystery cults, devoted to other deities in what you're familiar with as the Greek pantheon, my clan was able to devise ways to transcend the veil of the stars: the firmament of heaven. We solved the Riddle of Nimrod, and proved ourselves worthy to..." Setsuna trails off...

...as Haruka and Michiru both stare at Setsuna, confused.

"Sorry," grins Setsuna. "I got carried away. Basically," she continues, "it was the best way my ancestors-and yours-could describe being able to travel in space at the time. No space shuttle or radios."

"I wonder sometimes," says Michiru, "how much of those ancient records were lost when the Dark Kingdom attacked."

"It was _ananke_ that the Moon Kingdom fell," says Setsuna, "and we, humankind, are the ones charged to maintain that balance here in Ningenkai, the human-and living-world."

"And how do we do that?" balks Haruka.

"Just by living," says Setsuna. "Every choice we make, every action we take, alters fate and time."

"That...makes us gods," whispers Michiru, trembling.

"It's been noted in several religions and mythologies," says Setsuna, picking up Hotaru's textbook. "Why act so surprised?"

"Except...what exactly did Usagi and Mamoru _-san_ do to worry Enma so much?" asks Haruka.

"With a small bit of help from the _ginzuishou_ ," says Setsuna, "Usagi and Mamoru simply decided to have Chibi-usa a bit ahead of schedule."

Haruka rubs her forehead, shaking her head in disbelief. "Usagi...wished herself to be pregnant with Chibi-usa?" she asks.

"With the Chibi-usa who would be born to a third-year middle school student and a sophomore university student in this age," says Setsuna. "The soul is the girl we know from the Crystal Tokyo timeline, but when she is born, she will express herself differently than before."

"You're saying that Usagi transported Chibi-usa' soul from the future," says Michiru.

"A soul needs a body!" snorts Haruka. "The _ginzuishou_ can't create matter _ex nihilio_."

Michiru and Setsuna giggle.

Haruka stares at the other women a moment.

Michiru gives Haruka a canny smile.

Haruka notes Michiru's smile, then her eyes widen in realization. "They..." she says, laughing heartily. "They-Usagi and Mamoru _-san_ -literally fucked up Enma's plan!"

Michiru and Setsuna's laughter joins Haruka's own.

* * *

 _This will prove to be difficult,_ muses Ami silently.

Ami jumps just as she packs her transformation wand into a sports purse, startled by loud, insistent knocking on the front door. She dashes to the door, then peeks through the keyhole.

"Please answer the door," says Yamanouchi, frowning. "I don't intend any harm."

Ami squares her shoulders, then opens the door.

"You'll understand, Mizuno _-dono_ ," says Yamanouchi as he enters and removes his canvas sneakers, "why I have failed to pay you the courtesy of informing you of my arrival."

"Frankly, Yamanouchi _-kun_ ," says Ami, "I was expecting a surprise visit from Kuroda _-kun_."

"Kuroda's too subtle," says Yamanouchi, "and this isn't the time to trifle with you, Mizuno _-dono_."

"I..." begins Ami, trembling under Yamanouchi's intense gaze. "I can definitely understand. Under the circumstances, discourtesy is actually warranted."

"You are not our enemy," says Yamanouchi flatly. "Killing you would resolve nothing."

"Then please state your purpose," says Ami, a determined look in her eyes.

Yamanouchi smiles slightly. "You have courage, Mizuno _-dono_ ," he says as he pulls files out of a book satchel.

Ami stares at Yamanouchi, who sets the files next to her notebook on the table.

Yamanouchi reads over the notes. "You're also very observant," he continues, "but that's unsurprising, given your intelligence."

"That's just a list of conjectures," says Ami, "about who the remaining four of you could be."

"Sanada was a fine guess as Rekka," grins Yamanouchi. "'Owing to the fact that Sanada _-san_ was the last with Usagi's diary'," he continues, reading Ami's notes, "'and that he clearly cut through the lock on the diary: based on Kazuma _-san_ 's description of how the lock mechanism was tampered with, I can safely surmise that Sanada _-san_ has some mastery over fire'."

"Sanada _-san_ has to have some connection to this business of yours," says Ami, "and the warrior in the red armor used fire in his techniques."

Nodding, Yamanouchi continues thumbing through the notebook before setting it down on the table. "At that point," he says, "we weren't making any particular effort to be subtle or secretive."

Ami folds her arms. "You do realize that we will use this information against you," she says, "if you attempt to attack or intimidate Usagi."

"Courage and strength aren't always equals, Mizuno _-dono_ ," says Yamanouchi. "We aren't as weak as that," he continues, "and we shall not allow your future to come to pass."

Ami glowers at Yamanouchi, fighting back tears.

Yamanouchi pulls a clear bead out of his pocket, about the size of a marble. "This is also for you, Mizuno _-dono_ ," he says, placing the bead in Ami's hands.

Ami accepts the bead, studying it. "What...is it?" she asks after a moment.

"It's your betrothal gift," says Yamanouchi, "from a friend of that fellow you love."

Ami stares at Yamanouchi, confused.

"That man, Kuwabara, has its mate," says Yamanouchi as he heads to the door. "If your courage doesn't fail you," he continues, slipping back on his sneakers, "then you'll reject the future that Enma has planned for us, and embrace the future embodied by the treasure in your hand." With that, Yamanouchi leaves Ami's house.

* * *

"So what do you think, _baa-san_?" asks Yusuke.

"That shit will only get worse from here," says Genkai. "Gods are egotistical and territorial."

"Hn. Like humans," says Hiei.

Kurama sighs.

"It's true," says Ken. "Gods do tend to favor humans."

"It doesn't seem fair when you put it that way," says Yusuke.

"You're human yourself, Yusuke," says Kurama.

"Yeah," says Yusuke, "but I know we're full of shit sometimes, and Koenma-who's a god-is full of shit sometimes."

The two _yokai_ and Genkai study Yusuke. Kuwabara gazes into the distance, not reacting to Yusuke's words.

"All of this crap is because of Koenma's old man, Enma," continues Yusuke, snickering ruefully. "A fucking baby's dead because of him."

"We don't know who animated the Yoroi no Oni," says Kurama calmly.

"Toshitada sure as hell didn't do it!" spits Yusuke. "He'd take a page from that god who cut off his dad's balls and do the same to Enma with a _kusarigama_ before he'd obey an order like that!"

"Cronos," says Kurama. "I'm amazed you know that."

"Shit," snorts Yusuke. "Being dead was boring as fuck, so I did some reading in Reikai's library. That's the one thing I remember reading before Botan chased me out."

Genkai shakes her head, studying Kuwabara.

" _Oi_! Kuwabara!" continues Yusuke. "If you don't quit pretending that you ain't listening, I'll beat the shit out of you some more."

Kuwabara turns to Yusuke. "It won't change shit, but feel free," he says, a resigned smile on his face.

Yusuke stares at Kuwabara a moment, tensing his fists; fuming, he silently walks away.

"I find it disturbing that the fool is exercising sound judgment," says Hiei. He disappears into the trees.

"Maybe that power loss of Kuwabara's is really getting to him," says Ken. He heads off after Yusuke.

"Are you well, Kuwabara _-kun_...?" asks Kurama.

"No," says Kuwabara.

"Go after Yusuke before he does something stupid," says Genkai.

Kurama nods, following after Ken and Yusuke.

Genkai touches her chin a moment, then leaps up and kicks at Kuwabara's head.

Kuwabara dodges, his expression unchanged.

"What's the matter with you?" hisses Genkai, throwing a punch to Kuwabara's midsection.

Kuwabara grabs Genkai, then pins her against a tree. "Do you miss Toguro that much, Genkai _-shihan_?" he asks listlessly.

"It's part of what it means to be human, Kuwabara Kazuma," says Genkai. "And you are human."

"So what, Genkai _-shihan_?" asks Kuwabara.

Genkai spits in Kuwabara's face, causing Kuwabara to release his hold. "So _feel_ , you dumbass!" she says, punching Kuwabara in the face and knocking him to the ground.

Kuwabara rises from the ground after a moment, touching his bruising jaw as he starts to sit up...

...except that Genkai pounces onto Kuwabara's torso before he can react, pinning him to the ground.

"What the fuck are you doing, Genkai _-shihan_!?" balks Kuwabara, confused.

"You can sense it, can't you?" glowers Genkai.

"You know my _reikan_ isn't working right at this point," counters Kuwabara.

"Then how were _you_ -a barely-trained piss dribble-able to dodge any attacks from me?" demands Genkai. "I may have transferred the _reihadou_ to Yusuke," she adds, "but I still know my shit."

"I've been in enough fights to know how to dodge punches and kicks," says Kuwabara.

"And your _reikan_ has been active since you were inside your mother, you arrogant shit," says Genkai.

Kuwabara stares at Genkai.

"That thing you felt as Beryl was trying to kill you," continues Genkai. "How did it feel to you?"

Kuwabara grips Genkai's arms, then moves her gently off him as he sits up. "It felt...familiar. Familiar but...wrong," he says slowly. "Like it was old and not old at the same time."

"It reminds you of someone," says Genkai.

Kuwabara nods. "We are fucked no matter what we do," he says, grim. "Enma _-daiousama_ will see to that, because he's a jackass," he continues, rising to his feet, "and because of him, that _thing_ will grow and grow."

Genkai trembles, watching as Kuwabara's aura flares gold-white.

"It will fucking grow, and grow," Kuwabara spits, tears in his eyes, "until it eats everything else! It was behind that bitch Beryl, and behind the Black Moon Clan, and behind Neherenia...and the whole thing is because of Enma _-daiousama's_ stupid bullshit!"

Arcs of gold lightning strike down the meadow and forest, causing crow _tengu_ and other winged _yokai_ to flee the trees.

"Everything is going to die," says Kuwabara. "There will be nothing left..."

Kuwabara faints. The golden storm disperses.

Hiei, Kurama, Ken, and Yusuke approach Genkai, who rubs her arms.

" _Baa-san_!" spits Yusuke, gripping her shoulders. "Where'd that fucking storm come from?"

Genkai nods to Kuwabara's prone body.

"Hn. That kind of power is too much for him," says Hiei.

Genkai smirks. "That was the kind of power you wanted to pick a fight with," she says to Yusuke, "when you thought you'd shake your fist at Saitou."

"Ah," grins Yusuke, "so Kuwabara can finally start to keep up with me."

"Keep in mind," says Kurama, "that Higashi _-kun_ was actually Kunzite _-dono_ , and I would have avoided fighting him if I could."

"This whole business has tired the boy out," says Genkai. "Take Kuwabara home. I need to meditate."

Ken picks Kuwabara up, hoisting Kuwabara onto his back. He leaves with Kurama and Hiei.

"And you, Yusuke," says Genkai. "Prepare yourself. Life will become more dangerous...very soon."

Yusuke studies Genkai a moment, then nods. He follows after Ken, Kurama, and Hiei.

Genkai drops to her knees. "I'm getting too old for this shit..." she mutters.

* * *

Rei and Kuroda stare at the _koi_ fish in a pond at Hikawa Shrine.

"I...I want to thank you, Kuroda _-kun_ ," says Rei after a moment.

Kuroda smiles. "That is unnecessary, Rei _-dono_ ," he says. "If you recall, that was my pleasure."

"Indeed," says Rei, giving Kuroda an exasperated smile in return.

"It is a husband's duty and honor to guard his wife," says Kuroda.

"To have a man so devoted to you," says Rei, "is actually terrifying."

"True," says Kuroda, "but in your young folly, you sought me out."

"It was self-defense, _Rajura_!" fumes Rei.

"And my retaliation against your inadvertent proposal was the same, Rei _-dono_ ," says Kuroda.

Rei squares her shoulders. "In order for us to act freely," she says, "we have to rescind our bond."

"Yet we cannot," says Kuroda. "We must either endure the bond," he continues, "or consummate our union."

"I refuse to break my vow-and I don't care if you think I can't fulfill it," says Rei.

"I refuse to present my neck to my enemy," says Kuroda. "That would be foolish."

"But I'm-*" Rei begins...

...but Kuroda cuts her off with a brief, gentle kiss. "You are my wife, Rei _-dono_ ," he says after breaking the kiss. "Enma _-daiousama_ , the one who can-and has offered-to terminate our bond, is our mutual enemy."

"And yet," says Rei, "he's an enemy we can't fight against." She rubs her arms. "It will lead to a terrible end."

Kuroda studies Rei.

"Kuwabara _-kun_..." continues Rei. "I felt his despair, his anguish. He senses the end of Crystal Tokyo...no. The end..." she adds, trembling, "...of everything."

"A heavy burden for Kuwabara _-kun_ to carry," says Kuroda, placing his arm around Rei and drawing her close to him. "You need not say anymore, with regard to that matter," he adds, grave.

"Jirogorou..." breathes Rei, her eyes filled with tears.

Kuroda embraces Rei. "Let me love you, Rei _-dono_ ," he whispers, kissing Rei's forehead. "Let us love as we should," he continues, touching Rei's chin as he gazes into her eyes, "and forget all else."

"I will not break my vow to my queen," says Rei, tears falling down her cheeks as she returns Kuroda's embrace, "but I accept your love."

 _Though I know we shall work at cross-purposes,_ muses Kuroda as he rubs Rei's back, _I will do what must be done to restore balance...and save this foolish girl: my sweet one._

* * *

At home, Ami enters her bedroom, switching on the light.

A tall figure lies on Ami's bed, a pillow over his head; his long legs hang over the foot of the bed.

" _Otousan..._?" wonders Ami, happy. "I didn't know you had come over to visit," she adds, removing the pillow...

The figure, awake, sits up. "Hello, Ami _-chan_ ," says the man.

"C-cousin...!" Ami gasps, astonished.

"I admit that it has been a while since I saw you last, Ami _-chan_ ," smiles the man.

"What brings you here," Ami asks, "Shinobu _-san_?"


	27. Elixir 20

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #20** : Is that any way to build strong ties of friendship?

byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

Kuwabara, Kurama, Yanagisawa, and Kaitoh continue their search for the Makai Barrier.

 _I never once, in my life,_ muses Kuwabara as he enters an empty building, _thought I'd actually miss my fucking reikan. Even that annoying habit it had of freezing me in place whenever I sensed so much as an infant's ghost..._ he continues, _that shit would be comforting at this point._

Kaitoh follows Kuwabara inside. "Excuse me, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," he says. "Have you had any luck?"

"We won't have any," says Kuwabara. "Truthfully, I just came here to clear my thoughts and wallow in self-pity."

Kaitoh raises an eyebrow.

"I've lost my _reikan_ ," Kuwabara continues. "I'm not sure what use I am in this business."

Kaitoh smiles. "I'm in the same boat, as is Yanagisawa _-kun_ ," he says. "We're letting Minamino-no, Kurama _-san_ take the lead."

"Call him whatever you like, Kaitoh," says Kuwabara sardonically. "He has many names."

Kaitoh chuckles. "At any rate," he says after a moment, "we must do our best with the hand we're dealt."

"I'm...just in a funk at the moment," grins Kuwabara. "It will pass."

The pair of youths continue their search as they climb up several flights of stairs in the building.

"I've been wondering," says Kuwabara after a moment, studying Kaitoh. "That Taboo power of yours is tricky and complicated-it's not like Kido's and Yanagisawa's more straightforward abilities."

"Hm?" says Kaitoh, adjusting his glasses.

"Genkai's a skilled teacher," Kuwabara continues, "but not even she could train a random middle school student to use that power at the level you did so quickly."

"Perceptive," says Kaitoh. "The truth is-which I'm certain Genkai _-san_ had figured out, in spite of my attempts to conceal it: I've...had a bit more practice."

"But you got your powers because of those guys trying to break the Makai Barrier," says Kuwabara.

Kaitoh nods. "This had been going on for almost a year," he says. "I know this because I was one of the first individuals to gain my territorial ability."

"When did it start?" asks Kuwabara.

"Spring, 1992," says Kaitoh. "Someone at my school had started to attack me, but was unable to...for the same reason Hiei _-kun_ was unable to."

"Did you put his soul back?" asks Kuwabara.

"I didn't-and still don't-know how. I had just left the fellow and his soul at the time and fled," says Kaitoh. "He's still among the living, and he avoids me in the halls," he continues, "so I suppose all's well that ends well."

"Your territory probably switched off when you left," says Kuwabara.

"That's a possibility. Still," says Kaitoh, "I had given the matter thought, and I conducted a few clandestine experiments. My most notable one was to recreate a similar scenario," he continues, "inside a tiger enclosure at the local zoo."

"And the tigers couldn't attack you when you invoked your territory," says Kuwabara.

"Precisely," says Kaitoh.

Kuwabara whistles. "What was all of this in preparation for?" he asks. "I doubt you were doing all of this," he continues wryly, "in anticipation of a visit from a wise master of the spiritual arts seeing your potential from afar."

"You are correct," says Kaitoh. "I had other, more malignant plans," he adds, "which I carried out. Cold or hot: revenge is a sweet dish, indeed."

"So you used your powers to get back at assholes who harassed you?" snorts Kuwabara.

"Not to avenge myself, no," says Kaitoh. "That would have been an inane waste, for such a petty reason. No," he continues. "My actions were to defend the honor of a dear friend, who was driven away from my school due to the depravity of a set of reprobate cretins." Kaitoh scowls, remorselessness in his eyes.

Kuwabara touches his chin. "Kaitoh," he says after a moment, "would you believe that I went to a high-class school like Tamaishi Elementary?"

"It's not impossible," says Kaitoh. "That same dear friend spoke fondly of a tall fellow with curly auburn-brown hair and high cheekbones."

"I...have a dear friend, myself," says Kuwabara. "During my time in Tamaishi," he continues, "she had a photo of this freckle-faced little geek with curly dark hair and glasses."

Kaitoh gives Kuwabara a thin smile. "It's clear, then," he says, "that we both had the honor and privilege of knowing the same dear friend."

Kuwabara nods.

"So, then," Kaitoh continues, "as Minamino _-san_ and I are schoolmates, it's obvious who I chose to practice upon; I also hope, Kuwabara _-kun_ , that you would understand why I acted as I did."

"You opened your heart to darkness, Kaitoh," says Kuwabara soberly.

"Gladly," says Kaitoh. "Their souls, to me, were worth less than a cockroach. I did spare one soul, though," he continues, "but that was only because she begged so well."

Kuwabara winces at Kaitoh, disappointment in his eyes.

"Unlike you, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kaitoh, "I'm not arrogant enough to need to be morally better than my enemies. I paid evil unto evil," he continues, "and behaved savagely to savages."

"That doesn't make any sense," says Kuwabara. "Why stoop to their level," he adds reproachfully, "and degrade them the way they tried to degrade our mutual friend?"

"I didn't see why I shouldn't enjoy myself a bit," says Kaitoh. "After all, I'm hell-bound for crushing souls. Why would it matter if I compelled one of those wretched women to asphyxiate themselves on me?"

"Our lovely friend would state that 'you don't have much substance for any woman to choke on'," says Kuwabara wryly in a teasing falsetto, "'so don't flatter yourself, Kaitoh _-kun_ '."

Kuwabara and Kaitoh reach the roof of the building; they stand on top of it.

"That may be," says Kaitoh, smirking at Kuwabara. "You certainly know her better than I do. But surely you're not pretending to have any moral high ground over me."

"What makes you say that?" asks Kuwabara.

"I was only able to succeed," says Kaitoh, "because those girls lost their leader, Aoyama _-san_ , to you."

"I didn't touch her," says Kuwabara, scowling. "I wouldn't. I wouldn't let my shit touch Aoyama."

Kaitoh stares at Kuwabara.

Kuwabara snickers as he continues. "The insults: even now, they flow so easily from me. There are few people I've hated as much as I hate Aoyama, and most of them are-like Aoyama-dead and burning in hell."

"And I thought I had a way with words," says Kaitoh.

"I never beat Aoyama with words," says Kuwabara. "That was simply how I chose to humiliate her. I broke the bitch with a game."

"A game?" wonders Kaitoh.

" _Janken_ ," says Kuwabara. "You could probably defeat me easily now," he grins, "but at that time, I was unbeatable at _janken_."

Kaitoh chuckles. "So you challenged Aoyama _-san_ to a game," he says, "which was impossible for her to win...or for you to lose."

"Something like that," says Kuwabara.

"Then," says Kaitoh, "if you win a match of _janken_ with me on your own strength, I will let this matter alone. However, if I win," he continues, "then I want to know every detail of Aoyama _-san's_ humiliation."

Kuwabara shrugs, then presents a fist, as does Kaitoh. They play a round of _janken_...

...only for Kuwabara to win.

Kaitoh pouts.

"What!?" spits Kuwabara. "That was luck! I don't have any _reikan_ to use."

"Best two out of three, then," says Kaitoh, his tone skeptical.

The two youths play two more rounds of _janken_...which Kaitoh wins.

Kuwabara sighs. "I hope you don't think I'm throwing this at all," he scoffs.

"Just reassure me," says Kaitoh, pulling out a blindfold and handing it to Kuwabara.

"If you want to rub my face in my defeat," says Kuwabara as he dons the blindfold, "then sure."

After three more rounds of _janken_ -with all victories going to Kaitoh, Kuwabara snatches off the blindfold, glaring at Kaitoh.

"Have you guessed that I could be lying about whether I drew rock, paper, or scissors?" grins Kaitoh.

"That's part of it," says Kuwabara, sullen. "I also don't like the fact that you think I have any fucking reason to lie to you."

"Everyone lies, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kaitoh. "You are no grand exception."

Kuwabara sighs. "I suppose not," he says. "Maybe I lost my _reikan_ because I abused my power, and the gods wanted to punish me."

"If they punished you for breaking Aoyama," says Kaitoh, "then the gods are unjust."

Kuwabara stares at Kaitoh.

"Actually," Kaitoh continues, "the gods are unjust no matter how you look at matters. They play favorites, and their punishments are arbitrary-or based entirely on what's convenient for them."

"Why are you saying this?" asks Kuwabara.

"If I were to ask you why you only sought to punish Aoyama, when she had many other accomplices who deserved to suffer just as much, you could give me a reason," says Kaitoh.

"But the gods don't feel obligated to explain themselves to us, who are mortals," says Kuwabara. "Their reasons would be incomprehensible to us, anyway."

"That's not true," says Kaitoh. "Every sapient creature-human, _yokai_ , or god-is by definition, a living being who reasons. It's just that," he continues, "if we were to hear a god's given reason for their actions, we probably would think ill of that god, and reject him."

"Because the god would be exposed as some asshole who's full of shit," snorts Kuwabara, "and we have no great shortage of assholes in the human race that we need to worship one."

"And likewise among the _yokai_ ," says Kaitoh, "who, at their heart, are not as pretentious as we humans. We play silly games like 'civilization' and 'society'; but if we're honest with ourselves, we're more bestial than any _yokai_."

"Name one _yokai_ who has built cities, created works of art, or landed on the fucking moon with a slide rule and some math," says Kuwabara curtly.

"So," says Kaitoh, "you think the gods favor us because of our collective arrogance."

"I don't give a fuck if they favor us or not," says Kuwabara. "We humans are what we are because we won't let anyone or anything kick us around. Nature has to bow to us," he continues, "because curiosity killed the cat. You ever wondered where that expression came from?"

"It is an odd expression," says Kaitoh.

"That's because a lot of people assume the cat's curiosity got the better of the cat," says Kuwabara. "That isn't so. It was our fucking curiosity, our strength, and our nifty ability to make tools which turned the cat into our throw rug inside the cave it was holed up in...until we decided we wanted the cat's cave."

"You're in quite a mood," says Kaitoh.

"For good or ill," says Kuwabara, "we are what we are. And striving to improve ourselves and the world around us is part of what we are," he continues, "so that there will be room for the cat in the cave, and we won't have to kill it to survive."

"A lofty sentiment," says Kaitoh, "but you're tilting at windmills."

"Don Quixote was the way he was because he read too many books," says Kuwabara. "And like him, we humans sink into escapism," he adds, "because our reality is a shithole."

"So: '...all progress depends on the unreasonable man'," says Kaitoh in English, smiling.

"'The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing'," says Kuwabara in English, returning the smile.

"Then you agree that our mutual friend is worth killing for," says Kaitoh.

"That woman," says Kuwabara, "is worth killing a god for."

Kurama appears on the rooftop, as he and Yanagisawa had tracked Kuwabara and Kaitoh to the building. "Have the two of you found anything here?" he asks.

"No," say Kuwabara and Kaitoh in unison.

"We were trying to clear our minds," adds Kaitoh.

"Ah," says Kurama. "Are they clear?"

"About as clear as mud," says Kuwabara, "but that's humanity for you." He leaves the rooftop, reentering the building.

"You'd think that Kuwabara _-kun_ would have learned by now," says Kurama, "not to pique my curiosity."

"Minamino _-san_ ," says Kaitoh, "Kuwabara _-kun_ believes that we humans are civilized only because we've learned to keep our curiosity in check." Adjusting his glasses, Kaitoh leaves after Kuwabara.

Kurama shakes his head. "What may be true for a cat," he says to himself, "is never true for a fox who has outlived all of its pursuers."

* * *

"What are you going to do, Sanada _-kun_ ," asks Kamen wryly, lying on the ground. "Kill me?"

"I ought to, Chiba," says Ryo, wearing the Yoroi no Rekka. "Then your shining future would mean nothing."

"I'm not even sure how you know about that," says Kamen as he rises to his feet.

"My smarter friends didn't plan on telling me because they thought I'd do something reckless," says Ryo. "But my thought is this: if I kill you," he continues, "then Usagi won't have any reason not to help us stop Enma's manufactured disaster from wiping out most of mankind."

"What disaster?" wonders Kamen.

"The one that created Crystal Tokyo," says Shin.

"Help me understand: how was it manufactured?" asks Kamen.

"Enma started a process to crystallize most of Earth," says Shuu, scowling, "and he did it by killing... By killing a baby." He clutches a manila folder.

"We're determined to stop him," says Ryo, "no matter what it takes."

"Not even the gods have the right to do this to humanity," adds Shin.

Seiji and Touma arrive, then breathe a sigh of relief.

Touma snatches the folder from Shuu. "This wasn't given to you for a reason!" he spits.

"Look, I'm just relieved you guys didn't try to attack Tsukino _-san_ ," adds Seiji.

Ryo punches Seiji. "Why would we do that?" he demands.

"Because you and Shuu don't think shit through," says Touma.

"We were working on a plan of attack," adds Seiji. "One that would possibly avoid violence-especially against our classmate."

"I never liked Chiba anyway," sneers Ryo.

"You need me as an ally, Sanada _-kun_ ," counters Kamen as he reverts to Mamoru, "not an enemy."

"Killing you would be the simplest way," says Ryo.

"I've been killed before," scoffs Mamoru.

"Since we've established that you might at least consider our side," says Touma, standing between Ryo and Mamoru, "then ask your girlfriend about it."

"Even if Crystal Tokyo was the result of an engineered attack on mankind rather than a freak disaster," says Mamoru, "it also created an age where our daughter was born. Usagi is probably trying to work on a solution that will save the world and our future child...without telling me," he adds ruefully.

"So confront her with it," says Touma.

"Tsukino Usagi...is a very stubborn woman," says Mamoru. "But I'll try." Mamoru walks away.

Seiji and Touma glare at Ryo.

" _Oi_ : it was either that or kidnap Tsukino," says Shuu, "and kidnapping one of my dad's regular customers is bad for business. She's probably still pissed off about her cat."

"And her diary," adds Seiji, pouting at Ryo and Touma as he touches a light scar on his jaw.

"In any event, we were going to take out the other eight _senshi_ first, then deal with Chiba, before confronting Tsukino," says Touma.

* * *

"And I would drag the lot of you directly to hell," mutters Toshitada, annoyed with the Troopers as he and Ayame remain out of the Troopers' sight. "Why won't they just leave this matter to Koenma _-sama_?" he asks Ayame.

"Would _you_ leave this to Koenma _-sama_?" asks Ayame wryly.

"No," admits Toshitada. "However, there are better ways to oppose a wayward master such as Enma _-daiousama_."

"Please name them, Kouma _-kun_ ," says Ayame. "How well did you oppose Arago, for example?"

"That is a poor example," scowls Toshitada.

"Consider it this way," says Ayame. "If they and the other _yoroishi_ are harassing the _senshi_ ," she continues, "that means they won't interfere with our investigation."

"...fair enough," says Toshitada. He and Ayame leave the area.

Touma notes movement out of the corner of his eye; he grins.

* * *

"Nothing is inevitable, Usako," says Mamoru after he and Usagi spent fifteen minutes arguing over trivial matters.

"What's that supposed to mean!?" spits Usagi.

Mamoru gazes into Usagi's eyes.

"...you know, don't you...?" says Usagi, flinching from Mamoru's gaze.

"I know you can't keep something that horrible inside you for long," says Mamoru, "though you'll be pleased to know I only found out because one of my college schoolmates tried to kill me."

"Why!?" demands Usagi.

"'No Chiba, no Chibi-usa. No Chibi-usa'," continues Mamoru, "'no reason to preserve the Crystal Tokyo timeline'. It's frightening how simplistic Sanada's thinking is."

"That jerk! First my diary, then his stupid tiger kidnaps Luna, and now you!" fumes Usagi.

"Sanada's an impulsive ass on a good day," says Mamoru, smiling.

"What do they think I can do to stop the disaster-and destroy the future?" wonders Usagi, rubbing her arms as she lowers her lids, sad.

"You were-or rather, will be-able to stop the Crystal Disaster when it happens using the _ginzuishou_ ," says Mamoru. "Somehow, Sanada and the others know the source of the Crystal Disaster," he continues, "and think you can stop the Disaster at its origin."

"It's Xiao _-san's_ baby, Lee _-chan_ ," says Usagi flatly. "The Crystal Disaster happened because Enma _-daiousama_ killed Lee _-chan_ , and turned his soul into a crystal seed."

"How did you learn of this?" asks Mamoru, shocked.

"I...overheard Ami and Rei discussing something...that they didn't want me to know about," says Usagi, cross. "Why are we being so stupid-keeping secrets from each other!?"

"I agree with you: that we need to have a long talk with the others about this," says Mamoru. "Nonetheless," he adds, "were you about to make this new decision without me-as you tried to keep this from me as well?"

"I don't want to choose!" cries Usagi. "Chibi-usa isn't just a probability to me," she adds, glaring at Mamoru.

Mamoru winces.

"Chibi-usa was with us!" continues Usagi hotly. "Eating snacks, playing videogames: being a little girl here in our time," she adds, "and loved by her parents in the future."

"We are-or will be-her parents in the future," says Mamoru. "What rule is there that says that Chibi-usa must be born in the far future?"

Usagi shakes her head. "We...tried that already! You know what happened..." she says, struggling to hold back her tears.

"Usako...I love her just as much as you," says Mamoru.

"I...I know that," says Usagi, trembling.

"Even so... Do you think that Chibi-usa would want to be born in a world based on a lie that took innocent lives?" adds Mamoru gently.

"Do any of us have a choice but to play our parts?" asks Usagi, tears falling from her eyes. "We can't fight a god."

"I'm sure there's a way, Usako," says Mamoru, drawing Usagi into an embrace. "We just don't see it yet."

* * *

At Shuu's restaurant, Yamanouchi finishes his assessment of Kuwabara. "I'm still amazed that the whelp had that much power locked within him," he says.

"Indeed," adds Kuroda, looking towards a smug Kayura. "Your source is quite reliable."

"The _jigen tou_ : a _reiki-no-ken_ that cuts through dimensional barriers," says Touma.

"The possibilities of such a blade are endless," adds Sasaki.

"One of those possibilities," says Seiji, "is to break the Makai barrier-which will make Kuwabara _-kun_ a target if those terrorists find out."

"It wouldn't be the first time Kuwabara _-kun_ was targeted by dark forces," says Kayura. "An enemy of the _senshi_ had attempted to compel Kuwabara's servitude during the Dark Tournament."

"That, combined with Kuwabara's natural resilience and determination, would make him a formidable ally...or foe," says Kuroda. "I imagine that is one of the reasons for Mizuno _-dono's_ failed infiltration of the Shiba High gang, which Kunzite _-sama_ had purposed as his cover."

Shuu shakes his head.

"Yes: Kuwabara would be very useful, with proper training," says Yamanouchi, absently rubbing his hands together.

"I'm the broadsword adept in this group," says Sasaki, "trained by Sesshoumaru _-sama_ himself."

"I can swing a decent sword in my own right," counters Seiji. "It's true that Kuwabara favors a single sword style."

"Ryo's fairly talented with his twin blades as well," adds Touma. "Don't count the rest of us out."

"You guys are all a bit too eager to train Kuwabara," says Ken.

"The chance to train a pupil with that much potential, Saotome _-dono_..." says Sasaki. "We can't let abilities like his waste away to nothing."

"Kuwabara has needed a proper teacher for some time," says Yamanouchi.

"Who has a _dojo_?" asks Seiji.

"You do, Date _-san_ ," says Sasaki, glum.

"Who's the best swordsman in our group?" asks Yamanouchi with a self-assured smirk on his face.

"Let's step outside to see who is best suited to..." begins Sasaki. He trails off as he notes the point of Yamanouchi's _washizaki_ at his throat.

"You're being silly boys about this," says Kayura. "You all can train Kuwabara a bit-if we need him."

"I suspect that we will when the time comes, Kayura _-dono_ ," says Kuroda. "We can't allow that noxious fellow in Reikai to treat us all like livestock."

* * *

Sensui, Gourmet, and Gamemaster enter the inner depths of the cave, near the Makai portal, with a bound Kuwabara.

"I don't think you understand, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Sensui, "if I may call you that."

Kuwabara snorts at Sensui's comment, rolling his eyes.

"You find this amusing?" Sensui asks.

"I find you pathetic," says Kuwabara with a grin.

"I find humans pathetic," counters Sensui.

"What do you know!?" says Kuwabara. "With you being human yourself, we almost agree on something."

"You'd have to see it," says Sensui, shoving Kuwabara onto a couch, "to understand my motives."

Kuwabara snickers. "The fucking tape?" he asks. "Go ahead."

* * *

"What do you think of mankind now, Kazuma _-san_?" asks Sensui.

Kuwabara shrugs. "Same as before," he says.

"Would you still defend them from just extinction?" Sensui continues.

"You're a dumbass," spits Kuwabara. "I've known long before I ran into you that humanity can be shitstains on the earth. I've met some rotten people-like your grandfather, one of the damned recurring characters on the tape."

Sensui studies Kuwabara.

"I've also met some rotten _yokai_. None of that drives me to hate humans or _yokai_ ," continues Kuwabara.

"None of what I've shown you moves you?" wonders Sensui.

"All of it has already been noted in history books, police reports, and parts of my fucking life. The fourteen year-old kid being beaten to a bloody pulp under a bridge by a group of assholes in that one clip?" Kuwabara continues. "That was _me_."

"What would you offer in your attackers' defense?" asks Sensui.

"Who gives a fuck about them?" Kuwabara snorts. "I won't condemn all of humanity just because we can be evil bastards. Sometimes we're self-serving fools," he continues, "and sometimes we do good-either because we want to be better, or just to spite the bastard inside us all."

Sensui shakes his head.

"Don't get me wrong," says Kuwabara. "I do support one part of your twisted cause."

"Is that so?" asks Sensui.

"My thought is that if you want to annihilate mankind," says Kuwabara with a nasty grin, "start with yourself."

Sensui strokes Kuwabara's cheek. "I'll tell you a secret about myself," he says, "but only because you're handsome."

Kuwabara's eyes widen.

Sensui leans close to Kuwabara, whispers the secret into Kuwabara's ear, then steals a kiss.

"Look, asshole," sputters Kuwabara as Sensui breaks the kiss. "Whatever excites you, I don't share it."

Sensui straddles Kuwabara, grinning. "Don't look so surprised that someone would find you attractive. Besides," continues Sensui, "we both seem to have an identical taste in women."

Kuwabara stares at Sensui.

"When did you first start sharing a bed with Mizuno Ami?" Sensui asks.

Kuwabara scowls, blushing slightly. "I don't see why that's any of your business," he says, "or even your concern."

"I'll tell you," says Sensui, "but you must answer me honestly."

"She has nothing to do with this," says Kuwabara. "If you harm her, I will kill you-even if I'm dead."

"How did it feel, Kazuma _-san_ ," asks Sensui, "to put your cock inside her?"

"Why the fuck would I tell you!?" Kuwabara spits, blushing with embarrassment.

"...never mind," hisses Sensui crudely; his own arousal brushes against Kuwabara's groin. "Your cock is telling mine the whole story."

"You're sick," says Kuwabara, confusion on his face. "Something's wrong with you."

Sensui slaps Kuwabara. "What gave you the right to touch her, you filthy bastard!?" he snarls.

Kuwabara grins after licking blood from the corner of his mouth. "Not what, man: who. As in, she did. Don't tell me you're jealous on top of the fact that you're insane," he sneers.

"Yes," says Sensui, "I am jealous. If you were going to engage in sex acts with my pretty young cousin," he adds with a gleam in his eyes, "the least you could have done was invite me to watch."

"C-cousin...?" wonders Kuwabara, studying Sensui's now-twisted features. "You're her cousin...?"

"That's right," says Sensui. "I wanted to be Ami _-chan's_ first fuck, you asshole."

Kuwabara trembles, staring at Sensui as he recalls Ami's father: the man Sensui resembles.

 _"Why is that guy going in your mom's bedroom, Ami-san?" asked Kazuma._

 _Ami handed Kazuma a pair of books. "That's my father," she said._

 _"Didn't you say that your parents broke up?" wondered Kazuma._

 _"They did. The marriage failed, but okaasan said that she and otousan still love each other," said Ami._

 _"What are they going to do in there, anyway?" asked Kazuma._

 _"Grown-up matters," said Ami, blushing._

 _Kazuma shrugged, opening a book. "Don't you have a Famicom?" he asked._

 _"I have too many books," said Ami. "Also, we have a lot of studying to do."_

 _"Very well, ojou-sama," Kazuma teased. He started to read his book._

 _An hour later, Ami fell asleep, leaning on Kazuma's chest._

 _Ami's father emerged from the bedroom, wearing a bathrobe. He noted Kazuma and Ami and walked over to them._

 _"Hello," said Kazuma, looking up at Ami's father._

 _Ami's father smiled down at Kazuma, noting the boy's arm draped protectively over his daughter._

 _"Ami-san and I are friends," said Kazuma. "My name is Kuwabara Kazuma."_

 _"I know," said Ami's father. "I'm glad to see that. Thank you for protecting Ami from loneliness. She always writes about you."_

 _"Really?" wondered Kazuma. "Why?"_

 _Ami's father smiled. "She likes you," he said._

 _"And I like her," said Kazuma. "That's why we're friends."_

 _"You have other friends," said Ami's father with a grin. "Would you let them sleep and drool on you?" he asked as he dabs Ami's chin with a paper towel._

 _"Not those bastards," scoffed Kazuma, "especially not Okubo. Ami-san's a girl," he added, gazing at Ami's face briefly. "You have to treat girls differently."_

 _Ami's father looked straight into Kazuma's eyes. "You're strong," he said. "I can tell. Take care of my daughter."_

 _Kazuma stared at Ami's father, confused._

 _"It'll all make sense pretty soon," said Ami's father. "Hopefully, I'll live to see the wedding." He left Kazuma with Ami and reentered the bedroom._

"You're her father's nephew," says Kuwabara slowly. "The family resemblance is strong."

"So you've met my uncle, Sensui Yoshiki," says Sensui as he moves off Kuwabara and stands. "He had briefly taken on Mizuno _-hakase's_ name, but after blessing the world with Ami _-chan_ , he opted to walk out on them both. What a despicable man."

"Says the sorry fuck who wants to kill us all," says Kuwabara. "You're too fucked in the head to be in any position to judge us."

Sensui glares at Kuwabara.

"You're an angry and sick piece of crap," says Kuwabara. "Why do you want to take it out on the rest of the world?"

"The world isn't my enemy," scoffs Sensui. "Merely humanity."

"'Humanity'?" balks Kuwabara. "That means a whole lot more people than just the assholes who pissed in your _miso_ soup. That means your whole family will die, including Ami _-san_."

"They all deserve to die: even _obaasan_ and Ami _-chan_ ," says Sensui. "I cannot spare them from judgment-not even for love."

"Have you considered mercy and forgiveness?" asks Kuwabara. "For your own sanity if nothing else."

"Such idealism: from both you and Ami _-chan_ ," muses Sensui. "As tempting as it is to spare you both: that you could be fruitful and multiply to replenish the cleansed and reborn earth," he continues, "I know you won't simply lend us your power and open that foolish barrier to inaugurate the judgment."

Kuwabara gazes at Sensui.

"That's why I have him," Sensui continues as he nods to Gourmet, who licks his lips in anticipation.

Kuwabara looks over Gourmet, struggling to keep his fear from showing on his face.

"Would you like me to guzzle you down a bit," adds Sensui teasingly, eyeing Kuwabara's crotch, "before Gourmet dines on you?"

Kuwabara glares at Sensui.

"Ah. Regarding such matters with men," says Sensui, "you really are a virgin."

"Will you make up your fucking mind already!?" spits Kuwabara. "What are you? Are you just gay, a bisexual pedophile, or what!?"

"What I am," says Sensui, kicking Kuwabara in the head with a swift, fluid motion, "is human."

Kuwabara falls from the couch to the ground, slipping into unconsciousness.

* * *

 _I still don't...can't...won't be able to understand it,_ muses Kuwabara as he watches Ami swim in the pool at Michiru's house. _What's come over Urameshi? Why is he so fucking...happy?_

Ami emerges from the pool, frowning. _Why don't I feel refreshed?_ she asks herself, frustrated.

Kuwabara studies Ami as she looks at Kuwabara; their eyes meet.

"...Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, concerned. "Are you alright?"

"I'm...I'm fine," says Ami, wrapping a towel around herself as she turns away from Kuwabara. She walks away to the shower.

 _I ended up doing what her bastard of a cousin wanted anyway,_ says Kuwabara to himself, wincing with guilt, _only for Urameshi to do Sensui in. I'd hate me too if I were in her place._

In the shower, Ami trembles, crying silently. _I'm filthy,_ she says reproachfully in her mind. _He'll die. Everyone will die anyway, except for a few thousand people. I couldn't save Lee-chan, or anyone. I'm filthy._

Back at the pool, Michiru studies Kuwabara while looking over the top edge of a classical music magazine. "It's irritating to see children behave this irrationally," she says to Haruka.

"Something's bothering Kuwabara and Mizuno," says Haruka. "Then again, everyone we know is on edge-even Usagi _-dono_."

"Ah. Setsuna _-san_ says it has something to do with the future, but she's as vague as always," says Michiru.

"On Mizuno's side, it's the Crystal Tokyo bullshit, isn't it?" asks Haruka.

Michiru nods. "We already know that we're not there in the future, nor is Hotaru _-chan_ ," she says. "As for Kuwabara, it has something to do with that Makai barrier business that ended a few months ago-caused by the disturbed fellow who freed us almost a year ago."

"Oh, that fucker..." Haruka grins ruefully as she remembers.

 _"Women on ice," said Sensui, studying the ice spire which imprisoned Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune. "It might be amusing to free them."_

 _Sensui freed the pair of senshi with a series of kicks to the spire._

 _Neptune recovered first, shivering as she stood to her feet. Uranus, trembling, eyed Sensui warily._

 _Sensui smiled at the pair. "You're welcome," he said._

 _"He's not with those Dark Kingdom bastards or with the Dark Messiah," said Uranus. "Otherwise he'd have finished us off."_

 _"I still sense a dark wind with this man," said Neptune, "a howling gale of self-righteous judgment."_

 _"You're perceptive, young lady," said Sensui. "I have done the two of you no favors." He left them in front of the mansion._

"I'm glad that Kuwabara helped rid the world of that crazy bastard," says Haruka.

"But he also cut through the Makai Barrier," counters Michiru.

"The _yokai_ haven't emerged to feast on us," scoffs Haruka. "I think the threat was overblown."

Kuwabara turns toward the two older girls. "Why are you two staring at the back of my head?" he demands, annoyed.

"Why don't you keep Mizuno company in the shower?" grins Haruka.

"Indeed," teases Michiru. "Be a gentleman and help Ami _-kun_ wash her hair...or rub her back."

Kuwabara blushes. "You're in a really catty mood, aren't you, Kaiou _-san_?" he asks.

"She's not the one aching with need, dumbass," scoffs Haruka.

"Says you, Tenoh. I'm also not the one who needs a strap-on to do anything with a woman," Kuwabara counters curtly. He grabs his books and leaves.

"He's adorable," says Michiru. "We haven't used toys like that in years."

* * *

"Now, honored lord Koenma," advises Yelu, "while you have your father under your power, you must dispatch him."

"For what?" says Koenma, irritated. "Technically, he's been indicted for systematically brainwashing _yokai_ for the past four hundred years," he continues, "and that's not a capital offense, so I can't just 'dispatch' him."

"But surely..." begins Yelu.

"I can't prove that my dad was responsible for exterminating Lee's soul," Koenma continues. "And as badly as you and Genghis want Dad dead-to say nothing of Shuu and his friends among the living-I can't kill him."

"Is there no justice in the afterlife?" Yelu wails.

"If there were, I wouldn't have such annoying penitent souls to deal with," Koenma mutters.

Yelu shakes his head and leaves with a stack of files.

"So you're still a lazy bastard after all," scoffs Yusuke as he enters.

"You can't just waltz in here anymore!" spits Koenma. "Only humans are allowed to be detectives, and your file as a human is closed."

"So dead human souls are supposed to be in Reikai to await judgment," grins Yusuke. Puu coos happily. "Besides, I'm here to congratulate Toshitada on catching your old man."

"If you were a human soul, you'd be in Hell Proper by now!" Koenma fumes.

"I don't get any allowances for all the times I've saved your ass?" Yusuke snorts.

Koenma glares at Yusuke.

"Oh, I get it: you're still pissed about that spanking you got from Enma after my first case," continues Yusuke. "I think that would have made Sensui _-sempai_ laugh."

"What do you mean, Yusuke?" asks Koenma.

"That man never had a good, honest laugh at life. He took shit so seriously," Yusuke snickers. "Righteousness, justice: the never-ending battle between good and evil. You should have seen Sensui- _sempai's_ battle costume," he continues. "He looked like a refugee from _**Final Fantasy**_!"

"Actually, Sensui never played videogames as a child," says Koenma, "nor did he watch much TV; that would have interfered with his duty to slay _yokai_."

"Who the fuck told Sensui _-sempai_ that it was his purpose in life to be a _yokai_ exterminator?" asks Yusuke.

"Not me," snorts Koenma. "No one did. Sensui just had a strong sense of duty and obligation: a lot of power, but a short lifespan."

"With that crap, then all of the _yokai_ who saw _sempai_ as a threat and targeted him...that would twist anybody inside," says Yusuke. "But somehow, Kuwabara powered on through it."

"Not exactly," sighs Koenma. " _Yokai_ really scared Kuwabara when he was small, because they saw him as a threat ever since he was a baby."

"I don't get it, though," says Yusuke. "When I first met Kuwabara, he was just another asshole trying to throw a punch at me. If anything made him my friend," he continues, "it's that he was constantly at it."

Koenma studies Yusuke.

"Every single damned day, I'd see the fucking idiot and his sorry gang, with said idiot still wearing the bruises on his face from the beating I gave him the day before. Beating Kuwabara up became part of my daily routine," says Yusuke. "Is that any way to build strong ties of friendship?"

"For normal people, no," says Koenma. "But for you, it was likely the only way to connect with you on a personal level."

"When I had first died," says Yusuke, "I didn't really care much, but I could never put my finger on why. In the end, though: Keiko, Ma, and Kuwabara all needed me."

"But you don't think they need you now?" asks Koenma.

"I'll always be there for Keiko and Ma," says Yusuke, "but Kuwabara doesn't need me the way he used to. Much like Sensui- _sempai_ ," he continues, "I hated this world-but for me it was because the world didn't have room for me. Now, because I'm a _yokai_ , the world has a place for me. That's all that's changed about me. It's going to be hard to get Kuwabara to understand that."

"It doesn't help that you were willing to hunt down and kill humans to feed _yokai_ , though," says Koenma.

"What?" scoffs Yusuke. "Hokushin wasn't being an asshole about it-he was hungry. Just because Raizen- _oyaji_ wanted to starve himself didn't mean the other _yokai_ had to starve with him."

Koenma glares at Yusuke.

"With that said," continues Yusuke, "the smart thing to do would be to work something out, so that humans won't be murdered. Maybe there are elderly assholes and old bitches like _baa-san_ who wouldn't mind having their corpses eaten, or I could always scavenge off suicides like Sesshoumaru does."

"You could try varying your diet so that you don't have to eat humans, like Inuyasha does," says Koenma.

"Fuck that," scoffs Yusuke. "I want to hunt and eat the evil bastards of the world, and maybe Kuwabara when he's old and dying already."

"You presume that Kuwabara will live a long life," says Koenma.

"This is Kuwabara we're talking about here. He's too stubborn to die," says Yusuke. "He'll probably outlive Kurama."

"Quit fishing for information, Yusuke," says Koenma. "I won't tell you when Kuwabara's scheduled to die."

"I don't care about that," says Yusuke. "If I did, I'd have snuck his file out of your desk."

"Hopefully before Kuroda had found out about it-thanks to you, I might add," says Koenma, annoyed.

"Let it go, Koenma," Yusuke snorts. "I don't think anything could have stopped those assholes. Three of them were samurai from the Sengoku period, and the other five are descendants of guys from the same time period."

"Four," says Koenma.

"...oh, yeah: Shuu's Chinese," notes Yusuke.

"And his ancestor is a Mongolian thug even worse than all of the Sengoku-era samurai combined," says Koenma.

"And Enma _-oyaji_ made that guy his enemy over a baby's soul," scoffs Yusuke. "I'm no history geek, but I'd put my money on Genghis."

"As would I," says Oda, filing paperwork.

"No one asked you, Nobunaga," says Koenma.

"I volunteered," sneers Oda. "You gods will have a problem on your hands if Enma isn't dealt with."

"Did Yelu put you up to this?" asks Koenma, rolling his eyes.

"That piss dribble?" Oda scoffs. "You think I care about him? It's Kouma _-kun_ who concerns me."

"That may be," says Koenma, "but there's no material evidence to back up Genghis' accusation."

"What about Yamanouchi's dream?" asks Yusuke.

"Circumstantial at best," Koenma groans. "It's inadmissible at court without-again-material evidence."

"If you're looking for a smoking gun," says Oda, "that means that it's already been fired; it will be too late to act against Enma's designs."

"I love the way everyone here is presupposing my father's guilt in this matter," says Koenma, annoyed.

"Why not?" says Yusuke. "We already know that he brainwashed a bunch of _yokai_ over the years and used you and any number of detectives-including Sanada _-san_ , Sensui, and me-as unwitting hitmen. I wouldn't put it past Enma to kill a baby's soul."

Koenma scowls at Yusuke.

"Hell, nobody liked having to hunt for Lee's soul-we all thought something about Enma's order was dirty," continues Yusuke. "If I had known just how crooked your old man was," he adds, "then I wouldn't have brought the kid's soul back to-*"

"One of the mental roadblocks I'm trying to deal with is motive!" spits Koenma.

"That's because you are a rare type of bureaucrat, Koenma," says Oda. "An honest and fair one."

"Will the both of you get the hell out of my office!?" Koenma demands.

"I'm just pointing you in the direction of motive," says Oda.

"Out!" spits Koenma.

Yusuke snorts along with Oda; the delinquent _yokai_ and the _daimyo_ leave Koenma's office, Puu atop Yusuke's head.

"I know that Dad's a bit...crooked," Koenma mumbles, sucking on his pacifier, "but he can't be truly evil like that."

* * *

Genkai scowls at Toshitada's sandals, annoyed with the _shinigami_.

Toshitada studies Genkai.

"Can't a bitch enjoy a cigarette!?" spits Genkai.

"You...may do as you like, Genkai- _shihan_ ," says Toshitada respectfully.

Genkai snorts at Toshitada, blowing cigarette smoke in his face.

"That would be more offensive," says Toshitada, "if I were still alive."

"I'm just amazed that you lasted four hundred years," says Genkai. "Then again, not too surprised, as Arago was a dumbass. If I were in his place, I would have picked Yamanouchi to lead the four of you."

Toshitada fails to stifle a snicker, then laughs heartily.

"What?" says Genkai. "He obeys orders without question, and isn't an insolent, conceited shit."

"All true," says Toshitada with a smirk, "however, Kuroda _-dono_ would have killed him within a week. Yamanouchi _-dono_ is reasonably intelligent, but highly inflexible," he continues.

"How did _he_ last four hundred years?" asks Genkai.

"None of us were quite ourselves, Genkai _-shihan_ ," says Toshitada, a thoughtful expression on his face. "On some level," he continues, "each of us simply wished we were not the men we were."

Genkai takes a drag from her cigarette.

"Arago _-dono_ granted us that wish when he showed us the power of the armor..." says Toshitada, "but this gift came at a price."

"A price the lot of you stupidly paid," says Genkai, "when the power you each sought was freely available to you the whole time."

"I suppose so," says Toshitada, "especially when an untrained fourteen year-old boy can trick you into falling into a damned volcano."

"Your fault for picking it as a battleground," says Genkai.

"That's where Sanada _-kun_ was shot off to," says Toshitada, "though I will admit that I was far too careless. Inexcusably sloppy."

"Spoken like someone who always cares too damned much," says Genkai. "I think it's about time I go."

"Out here, on the roof?" wonders Toshitada.

"I've lived a remarkably long time, don't you think?" says Genkai. "Not as long as you and your other samurai cohorts," she continues, "but I think I've had a hell of a run."

"So...you requested another _shinigami_ , because Botan _-dono_ would have insisted on farewells," says Toshitada. "But why me?"

"Do you think you're that important?" scoffs Genkai.

"That's just it," says Toshitada. "I don't think I'm important at all."

"Then I pray that you recognize your own worth soon," says Genkai. "You can't be a penitent _shinigami_ forever."

Toshitada stares at Genkai. "What...?" he says, confused.

"Contemplate on that, you ass," smirks Genkai. "For now, let's go."

"Very well...Genkai _-shihan_ ," says Toshitada, sighing. "As you wish."

Genkai's spirit emerges from her body, even as the body slumps lifelessly to the roof tiles. She flies off into the clouds with Toshitada, leaving her body behind.

* * *

Kuwabara abruptly sets his beer down, then leaps to his feet.

Kayura tugs on Kuwabara's arm. "What's the matter, Kuwabara _-kun_?" she asks.

"She...she's gone," Kuwabara whispers.

Yusuke, catching Kuwabara's words, nods. "Yeah," he grins, a sad expression in his eyes. " _Baa-san_ went out for her final smoke break. Said she only came back to die properly."

"I don't understand," says Sasaki. "Why would she want to die at all?"

"Death simply is," says Yusuke.

"You're being entirely too calm about this," spits Yamanouchi. "Hoping to snack on her corpse?"

Yusuke snorts. "What?" he asks. "You think I plan to let that bitch give me nicotine poisoning? I ain't suicidal like my old man, you know."

"Just know that I'm poisonous, too," says Yamanouchi, wary.

"I don't want to eat your weak ass," scoffs Yusuke. "Now, after Kuwabara makes a few babies with Mizuno," he continues, "I'll probably kill and eat those two."

"I love how you casually state this shit with me in the room," says Kuwabara, surly. "Don't you understand that Genkai _-shihan's_ dead!?"

"She might let herself be reincarnated, or she might not," says Yusuke.

"Mourn her loss, you ass!" spit Kuwabara and Yamanouchi in unison.

"Humans ain't supposed to live forever," says Yusuke. "You're all like flowers; you blossom long enough to fuck, spread some seed and bear fruit, and then you wither away."

"To return to the dust from whence we came, right?" sneers Yamanouchi. "I hate death."

"That may be," says Shin, "but all of the hate in your heart can't bring them back."

Yamanouchi glowers at Shin.

"Live for them, Naotoki," says Ryo gently.

Yamanouchi stares at Ryo a moment. "Who are you, Sanada," he says after a moment, pouting in a pompous fashion, "to speak my given name so freely?"

"Your friend," says Ryo. "Someone who accepts you as you really are. Live," he continues, "to honor the memory of every life you've taken, and live for yourself."

"Myself...?" wonders Yamanouchi. "I don't know what that means."

"You're Yamanouchi Naotoki," says Shuu, rolling his eyes. "At one point in your life, you called yourself Naaza, Masho no Doku," he continues, "and you hung around three other similarly confused assholes until you decided to terrorize the Shinjuku district of Tokyo in 1988."

"That was as clear as mud," says Yamanouchi.

"In that respect," says Shuu, "you're as human as anyone in this room-except for Yusuke and the other _yokai_ here, of course."

"Hn," says Hiei, folding his arms.

"I just don't like the fact that you're all accepting her death so easily," says Kuwabara. "She didn't even say goodbye."

"To be fair to Genkai _-shihan_ ," says Kayura, "she had already died once, and she had said her farewells then."

"No need for her to repeat herself, then," muses Kuroda. "How selfish of us to insist on proper forms."

* * *

At Kuwabara's house, Yukina touches Kuwabara's shoulder, an act of concern. "Are you alright, Kazuma _-san_?" she asks.

Kuwabara draws Yukina into an embrace. "No, Yukina _-san_ ," he whispers.

Yukina listens to Kuwabara's steady heartbeat. "You're fine physically," she says, "but you're sad." She looks into Kuwabara's eyes.

Kuwabara gives Yukina a small smile as he looks back into her eyes. "Am I that transparent to you, Yukina _-san_?" he asks.

"Not exactly," says Yukina. "I've tried to figure it out for a while now: what you mean when you tell me 'I love you'."

Kuwabara's eyes widen.

"I know you're a straightforward person who means what he says," continues Yukina, "...when he understands what he's saying."

"Please forgive me, Yukina _-san_ ," says Kuwabara. "I'm confused."

"You are fond of me," says Yukina, "and you want to protect me always. In time, these emotions would have deepened," she continues, "and I would have..." She trails off.

"Do you...accept my feelings, Yukina _-san_...?" asks Kuwabara.

"I understand your feelings now," says Yukina, "but I can't return them."

Kuwabara closes his eyes. "Couldn't we see if we like each other?" he asks, rubbing Yukina's back. "Are my feelings unwelcome?"

"Kazuma _-san_ ," says Yukina, "you belong to another: body and soul. I won't steal you away."

Kuwabara opens his eyes back in shock. "Yukina _-san_..." he says, winded.

"I love you, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Yukina, "and I want you to be happy."

"I...I can be happy with you..." says Kuwabara, almost pathetically.

Yukina glares at Kuwabara. "I won't forgive you if you settle for me. I can't love you the way you want," she says as she gently pulls away from Kuwabara.

"Yukina _-san_ , I don't understand you," says Kuwabara, dropping to his knees.

Yukina sighs.

"Is it a physical issue," Kuwabara continues, "or the fact that I'm a human and you're a _yokai_?"

"Neither one," says Yukina. "It's simply the truth: which you know deep inside, Kazuma _-san_." She leaves for her room.

Kuwabara scowls, hurt. He heads upstairs to his room.

* * *

"I think you should wear this for him," says Urawa, presenting a white sundress while at a fashion outlet.

"Don't you mean for _you_ , Ryo _-kun_?" Ami grins.

Urawa shakes his head. "I don't need my abilities to know your feelings for that man are stronger than any you have for me," he says.

Ami stares at Urawa, shocked.

"To be blunt, I'd be a terrible Manpillow," continues Urawa.

"I do like you, Ryo _-kun_...except for right now, when you adopt Umino _-kun's_ standard policy of speaking without thinking," says Ami curtly.

"Remember: I promised you-and myself-that I wouldn't be dishonest anymore," says Urawa. "You love that man, and he loves you back."

"Ryo..." gasps Ami as she starts to cry.

Urawa hands her his handkerchief. "We're not children anymore, Mizuno _-san_ ," he says. "Let's avoid playing games with our hearts."

"But I...I need you," says Ami, grasping Urawa's hand. "It's easier this way..."

"I know," says Urawa, "but I won't let you take the easy path. Your heart belongs to that man. Come to terms with that, as I have-finally..." Urawa continues, pulling his hand away.

Ami shakes her head.

"Accept the love between you and him, for as long as you can," says Urawa, handing Ami the sundress. "It would be a mistake, Mizuno _-san_ , for you to accept anything less." He walks away.

Ami clutches the sundress, then sobs.

* * *

"Why are we at this tree again?" Umino asks Naru. The pair stand with Okubo, Sawamura, and Kirishima.

"You'll just say it's stupid again," pouts Naru.

"Your dumb dream is about that rich bastard Sanjouin," says Umino. "Again."

"You're about as charming as he was at his worst," says Naru, annoyed, "though in _his_ defense, he was usually drunk." 

"What's this about?" asks Okubo.

"The thing is," says Naru, "Sanjouin, to keep it simple, had died protecting me. He told me in the dream-along with three other handsome guys-that Usagi was always protecting me."

"Figures that they'd _all_ be handsome," fumes Umino.

"The point is," Naru continues with a sharp look at Umino, "that she can't protect me anymore; that's why Usagi's been so unhappy lately."

"What does this have to do with us, Osaka?" asks Sawamura.

"Don't you have a friend who's always watching over you guys? Someone who can be very persistent and annoying about it?" asks Naru.

Okubo grins. "You're still mad that Kuwabara _-san_ had threatened you with his old Megatron toy," he says.

Umino pulls out a white negligee. "Because Sanjouin had you dressed in this," he adds.

Naru fumes, blushing as she snatches the negligee out of Umino's hands. "How'd you even-!?" she sputters. "You're so stupid!"

" _Oi_ ," says Okubo. "At least Umino's not looking through your mother's underwear anymore. This is a healthy improvement."

Kirishima and Sawamura hold their noses.

"Kuwabara _-san_ just wanted to protect you from that guy," says Umino.

"You have to figure that if Sanjouin knew her dress size well enough to buy that, and that she could fit it..." says Sawamura, grinning as he still holds his nose.

"Shut up," says Naru, pouting.

"We're just teasing, Osaka _-san_ ," says Kirishima.

"Anyway...I want to know what's making Usagi so unhappy," says Naru. "I think that I might be able to find the answers if I can speak with Sanjouin _-san_ again."

* * *

Unseen, Nephrite, Zoisite, and Kunzite appear with a reluctant Jadeite.

"Why is this tree so important?" asks Jadeite, annoyed.

"It's where I had died," says Nephrite, "with all due thanks to a certain cock-blocking manwhore, I might add," he continues, glaring at Zoisite.

"It's not my fault you fell so hard for that hot piece of jailbait that you forgot your duty," teases Zoisite. "If I crossed Beryl _-sama_ , it was due to overzealousness."

"Can we all agree that Beryl was a sad, deranged woman consumed by Metallia and we stupidly let her manipulate us?" says Kunzite. "I want to bury this pointless hostility between us and atone for the past."

"You're kidding, right?" scoffs Jadeite.

"Beryl saw the four of us as pawns," says Kunzite. "That was clear to me for quite some time, and made apparent when she took Zoisite from me."

Nephrite stares at Kunzite.

"I don't even hate you for blowing her off anymore," says Zoisite. "She used us, then threw us away if we annoyed her."

"This is ridiculous!" spits Jadeite.

"We bent ourselves into pretzels to please Beryl," continues Zoisite, his expression hostile. "Nephrite, of course, predictably chafed against being restrained or controlled, and he was pretty much doomed the moment she asked him to seek the _ginzuishou_. Though to be fair," he adds wryly to Nephrite, "Beryl had asked _me_ : you just stupidly took the job from me."

"And I would have been able to find the damn thing if she had just told me it was split into seven pieces," sneers Nephrite. "I'm the most efficient one of this group, remember? I could have easily cornered the seven carriers of the Great Youma."

"Even with interference from the _senshi_?" scoffs Jadeite. "They're quite persistent."

Nephrite nods.

"Beryl would never have let you succeed. You were trying to escape her," says Zoisite, "albeit on a subconscious level."

"I'm just annoyed that the _senshi_ would yield so easily to Enma _-daiousama_ ," spits Kunzite. "Surely they have a stronger will than to give in to this miserable scheme: one which will wipe out most of the human race faster than anything the Dark Kingdom would have done."

"Who knows what those stupid girls are thinking?" scoffs Nephrite. "Keep in mind that the _senshi_ are still children."

"Why does this matter to us?" Jadeite demands. "No matter how we came to be thus, we died as servants of the Dark Kingdom. If mankind is destroyed, it serves our purposes."

"What purposes?" says Zoisite. "The Dark Kingdom is defunct."

"Most of Chaos has been driven back from the Earth as of now-and even into the future," adds Kunzite. "We're at a crisis point."

Nephrite nods. "We have to make Sailor Moon see that Crystal Tokyo will only lead Earth to its own destruction," he says.

"As long as any part of Chaos exists, Chaos as a whole exists. It will merely take another form and corrupt others-perhaps even the _senshi_ themselves," says Kunzite.

"Knowing that their future was created with the blood of innocents would open even the purest of hearts to darkness and hate," adds Zoisite. "Crystal Tokyo is a cruel, heartless, and ugly lie that needs to be destroyed."

"It was our initial objective-a direct order from our prince-to find the source of Chaos and eliminate it," adds Kunzite.

"We're the last set of people that Sailor Moon will listen to," scoffs Jadeite. "We destroyed the Moon Kingdom and betrayed Earth's prince-or now, the king, remember?"

"You're right," says Nephrite. "That's why we're going to get some crucial information into the hands of those five."

"Your little ex-girlfriend, her geek boyfriend, and those three scruffy hoodlum friends of Kazuma _-chan_?" wonders Zoisite.

"I'm convinced that Naru will make the _senshi_ listen," says Nephrite.

"And those three jackasses will involve Kazuma _-kun_ whether he wants to interfere or not," muses Kunzite, "if they were to even have a taste of the truth."

"Then let's get this little séance started," says Zoisite.

* * *

"I look stupid in this," mutters Kirishima.

"At least we look like _shinigami_ ," whispers Naru. "Just act natural."

"We shall reap some souls today!" shouts Sawamura.

Ayame and several other _shinigami_ stare at the group.

Botan grins as she approaches the group. "Newcomers?" she asks.

Naru nods stupidly; Umino, Kirishima, and Okubo glare at Sawamura.

"I love your enthusiasm!" she says to Sawamura.

Sawamura smirks. "Death happens to everyone," he shrugs.

"I'm not sure that the baseball bat is regulation, though," Botan continues, taking the bat from Okubo. "I think this belongs to Kuwabara _-kun_."

Okubo swallows air. "It is Kuwabara Kazuma's bat, from when he was ten," he says truthfully. "I'm using it as a dousing rod, as it's infused with Kuwabara's powerful _reikan_."

"Too bad we can't roll for initiative," hisses Umino. "There's no way in hell that anyone's stupid enough to buy that bluff."

"Before we go harvesting the souls of the dead," says Sawamura with gusto as he takes the bat from Botan and hands it back to Okubo, "we'd like to tour this area; you know, see where everything is."

"Where are your maps?" asks Ayame, suspicious.

"Maps..!?" balks Sawamura.

Umino digs into his backpack, pulling out several RPG campaign maps.

Naru trembles, then looks at Ayame. "...the dog ate them on our way here," she says without any conviction.

"I don't believe it!" spits Botan.

The five teenagers shrink back.

"That Cerberus! Always doing this to the newcomers; what a bad dog!" Botan continues.

"That's okay," says Umino. "We'll explore Reikai ourselves, and probably learn the place better that way," he says.

"Yes!" adds Okubo, nodding vigorously. "With this bat," he continues, brandishing Kuwabara's old baseball bat, "I can hone my skills at finding things."

"That kind of adaptability is what a _shinigami_ needs these days!" says Botan. "Glad to have you aboard! What are your names?"

"Naru," says Naru.

"Gurio," says Umino, bowing to Botan.

"You can call me Hiroki," grins Sawamura. "When do I get my scythe?"

"We're not in the pantheon that uses scythes, I'm afraid," says Botan, nervous.

"Yuji," says Kirishima.

"O-*" starts Okubo, only to be interrupted by Sawamura and Kirishima slamming their hands over Okubo's mouth.

"He's very nervous," grins Umino. "I'll help him break out of his shell."

Naru sighs visibly.

"Remember our research before this campaign!" hisses Umino. " _Shinigami_ only have given names."

"Maybe we should have used fake first names," says Kirishima. "Your name is pretty unusual."

"True," says Umino, "but everyone else's names are so ordinary that I'll blend in with you as the exotic part of a group of new arrivals."

"This isn't some tabletop game," spits Okubo quietly. "This is the real gateway to hell, and those are real _shinigami_."

"All the more reason why you'd better not screw this up, okay...Keiichi _-kun_?" Umino grins.

Okubo sighs. "Keiichi," he says to Botan.

"Wonderful," says Botan. "My name is Botan," she adds cheerfully, "and if you need any help, we'll be happy to assist you."

"Thank you," grins Umino. "We're off to explore Reikai." He, Okubo, Naru, Sawamura, and Kirishima leave the Shinigami Briefing Room as Toshitada enters.

Botan sighs.

Toshitada stares at Botan. "You didn't fall for their pitiful subterfuge, did you?" he asks.

"Of course not," says Botan. "But the only way to find out who put them up to this is to see what they're looking for."

"No matter the reason," says Toshitada, "this is still a security breach. I will follow them."

* * *

"Don't look," says Sawamura, "but that redheaded monk's still stalking us."

"Is he a _shinigami_ or a ghost?" Kirishima asks Umino.

"He looks a bit like Fujioka Ryouji," whispers Umino, "a low-level samurai during the Sengoku era who dabbled in cross-dressing."

"That was my grandfather," hisses Toshitada, suddenly behind Umino. "I am Kouma Toshitada."

"He's a ghost, then," says Umino, oblivious to the threat from Toshitada.

"We need to run!" spits Naru, grabbing Umino's hand. "Whatever he is, he looks serious!"

Umino looks around, notes Toshitada, and trembles.

"Let's split up!" adds Sawamura.

The group breaks away from Toshitada before he can react.

Toshitada smacks his forehead. "Shit! Which of these brats do I pursue?" he asks aloud.

* * *

"This place is a madhouse!" balks Sawamura, gaping at the frantic, paper-shuffling _oni_.

Sawamura grabs an _oni's_ arm. "Excuse me," he says. "I'm a new _shinigami_ , and I need to locate some files."

" _Shinigami_ don't handle paperwork unless they're retrieving a soul," says the _oni_.

"Is it always...hectic like this?" wonders Sawamura.

"It used to be worse until Yelu showed up a year ago with Genghis and his army," says the _oni_ , "and ever since that row about the baby's soul Enma _-daiousama_ was after, he's been too depressed to keep this place organized. Toshitada's the only _shinigami_ I know who will touch paperwork-but then that's part of his probation."

"Probation?" asks Sawamura. "Was he an undead criminal?"

"No," says Masamune, "he was a Sengoku-era samurai, and a damned lucky young man."

Sawamura scratches his head, the one-eyed man looking vaguely familiar. "You look like...a mortal I've been following," he says. "Do you know of a man named Date Seiji?"

Masamune smiles at Sawamura. "I'll help this fellow out," he says to the _oni_ , ignoring Sawamura's question. "Please continue your work."

Sawamura stares at Masamune as the _oni_ walks away; Masamune drags Sawamura off to a hidden corner of the main office.

"Did I say something wrong?" asks Sawamura.

"Seiji is my descendant, Sawamura Hiroki," says Masamune. "Surely even an overgrown child like you knows the name of Date Masamune."

Sawamura's eyes widen.

"Whatever purpose you have here," continues Masamune, "you've nearly blown your cover. I'll assist you," he continues, "if only to see you cease embarrassing yourself."

"...yes, sir!" says Sawamura with a stiff salute.

Masamune sighs. "Follow me, please," he says.

* * *

"...stay back!" shrieks Naru.

"You, living mortal, are an intruder in the realm of the dead," intones Toshitada. "State thy purpose!"

Naru trembles as Toshitada draws near, looking over the tall, handsome male. "I...I have a damned good reason to be here!" she cries.

"You are a brave-if foolhardy-young maiden," says Toshitada.

"I won't be driven away from here by some...stupid teenager from the Sengoku period!" spits Naru.

"You don't pick your fights very well," smiles Toshitada crudely.

"Neither do you, Kouma _-kun_ ," says Kunzite as he appears with the other _shitennou_. "Leave the girl be."

"She and her friends are here for our purposes," adds Zoisite.

"Naru _-san_ is a friend of mine," says Nephrite. "Don't waste your energy threatening her."

Toshitada scowls. "And what of you, Jadeite _-sama_?" he asks.

"I'm being dragged along with these imbeciles for the ride, Kouma," seethes Jadeite.

"We have our reasons for this," says Kunzite. "We will deal with the girl."

"Living mortals without proper authorization have no business here," says Toshitada. "The rules don't change simply because of the four of you," he continues. "There's just not enough room in Hell Proper."

"That, and we'd dethrone the sap running that place within a week," sneers Zoisite.

"Says the great soldiers who have had their schemes continually thwarted by young maidens," Toshitada shoots back.

"I'm doing this until I find Kagome-that bitch with the arrows," says Zoisite, "then I'm kicking her ass."

"Enough!" orders Kunzite, frowning at Zoisite.

"I expect the girl and her cohorts to be gone from Reikai," says Toshitada. "They are your responsibility." He leaves.

"Handsome fellow," says Zoisite, "but he has the disposition of an _oni_."

Naru scowls at Nephrite. "What is this about?" she demands. "You used to be a bit more subtle about using me, you know."

"About as subtle as a truck," hisses Zoisite.

"Didn't one of his defeats involve a truck?" quips Kunzite.

"Shut up!" Nephrite snarls at Kunzite and Zoisite. He takes a deep breath, then turns to Naru. "We are actually doing you a massive favor," continues Nephrite.

"Why?" asks Naru.

"For us," says Kunzite, "it's penance for our sins, and a plea to our king for his forgiveness."

Naru stares at Kunzite.

"Nephrite _-kun_ ," says Kunzite, "please explain the matter in its simplest terms. You have that skill." He, Zoisite, and Jadeite leave.

Naru sighs as she studies Nephrite. "Do you have to lie to me again?" she asks.

Nephrite winces under Naru's earnest gaze. "A little...but only a little. This will be difficult to explain," he continues. "Some of what I have to say is on a 'need to know' basis, and large chunks of it you don't need to know. It won't make any sense anyway."

"I'm in the lobby of the outer part of hell," says Naru. "Try me."

"Funny," says Nephrite. "Is Umino taking care of you?" he asks.

"Not your concern anymore, dead man," quips Naru.

"Are you still mad about the eclairs?" asks Nephrite in kind.

* * *

"You don't fool me for a moment, Kirishima Yuji," scowls Koenma. "Impersonating a _shinigami_ is a very serious offense."

Kirishima stares at Koenma, a bemused smile on his face. "I recognize that you call yourself 'Koenma', _kamisama_ ," he says, trying to remain respectful, "but you seem a bit young to be a god."

"Look; I know that you're one of Kuwabara's friends," says Koenma, annoyed, "so I'll forgive your stupidity. Just tell me where your cohorts are."

"Sure," says Kirishima, "as soon as you explain this." He opens a manila folder, showing Koenma a picture of Mitarai's attack on Kuwabara, Okubo, Sawamura and himself.

 _Fuck,_ seethes Koenma silently.

"Now, I'd think I'd remember crazy shit like this!" spits Kirishima.

Koenma snatches away the folder. "You are aware of Kuwabara's unique powers, correct?" he asks.

Kirishima nods.

"Good. I'll spare you a host of irrelevant details and simply state that Kuwabara used his abilities to save you from drowning inside that water monster," Koenma continues.

"I figured as much," says Kirishima. "I've already read the whole file."

"This just keeps getting better," mutters Koenma.

"Kuwabara _-san_ is always saving others," says Kirishima. "But I get the feeling that no one will save him when the time comes."

"What time?" asks Koenma.

"Come on," sneers Kirishima. "Are you sure you're the son of Enma _-sama_?"

"I am," says Koenma. "If I wanted to be mocked by a juvenile hoodlum," he continues, "I could just invite Yusuke over for tea."

"Yusuke...?" wonders Kirishima.

"You don't remember? That jackass who brutalized your friend Kuwabara one hundred fifty-six times: Urameshi Yusuke," says Koenma.

"Wow. I guess you are a god after all," says Kirishima. "I doubt any mortal would have the balls to call Urameshi a jackass."

The viewscreen comes to life. "When I get through with the shit-diapered bastard," spits Yusuke, asleep, "he won't have any balls left!"

"As you can see," says Koenma with a thin smile, "I know Yusuke quite well. He recently left my employ," Koenma continues, "but I still keep an eye on him."

"Did you help him pull out of that coma he was under back in middle school?" asks Kirishima.

"Essentially, yes," says Koenma. "Since you still have parts of Kuwabara's file stuffed in your pants," he continues, "I'm sure you've learned of his role in that matter."

"I'm not giving this back until I have an answer," says Kirishima, scowling. "I wonder if Urameshi even knows."

"...knows what, Kirishima...?" Yusuke mumbles.

Koenma switches off the viewscreen, and unplugs it for good measure.

"That Kuwabara _-san's_ scheduled to die in 1999-in some kind of crystal catastrophe," spits Kirishima.

"Death befalls everyone. If you've read Kuwabara's file," Koenma continues, "then you'll note that Yusuke has died twice."

"It isn't fair that he dies like that!" says Kirishima. "Not Kuwabara _-san_."

"If it will make you feel better," sighs Koenma, "a lot of people will die during this catastrophe. And since I don't know the source of the problem," he continues, anticipating Kirishima's next question, "I can't prevent it from happening."

"I don't intend to give the file back," says Kirishima. "Put my delinquency on my permanent record or something." He storms out of the office.

* * *

Okubo finishes reading the last file, extracted from a secret cabinet within Enma's old office.

"What the hell is this!?" Okubo hisses aloud. "This file is just a printout of people's names, in different languages-the fuck!?"

Okubo drops the file as if it were on fire, then stares at a familiar name on the printout.

"'Okubo Keiichi...September 11, 1977 - December 31, 1999...deceased at age twenty-two...?'" Okubo trembles, then searches the list of Japanese names for any other familiar people.

"My family...? Naru _-san_ , Umino, Sawamura, Kirishima...?" wonders Okubo, horrified. "Takenaka _-sensei_...? Yukimura _-san_!?"

Engrossed by the files, Okubo fails to notice someone enter the office.

"K-Kuwabara _-san!?_ " Okubo howls. "He can't die in something like this...it would be such a waste...!"

Trembling, Okubo scans the printout, searching for a name he dares not voice...

"Mizuno Ami will survive the cataclysm," says Enma, behind Okubo.

Startled, Okubo whips around to see Enma glare impassively down at him.

"...Enma _-daiousama..._!" says Okubo, hastily bowing.

"If you keep this matter to yourself," adds Enma with a small smile, "then I can ensure that you, Okubo Keiichi, survive as well-along with your immediate family if you wish."

Okubo considers Enma's words. "If you can do that," he asks carefully, "is it possible to spare a few others? Possibly everyone?"

"My power is not without its limit, mortal," says Enma.

"At least spare Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Okubo earnestly.

"Why should that concern you?" asks Enma. "The matter is outside your control. You would not be responsible for Kuwabara's death. What you have on the ground is a casualty list," he continues.

Okuba stops trembling, giving Enma a wry grin. "Of the disaster you engineered, Enma _-daiousama_ ," he says crudely. "You somehow did something that will turn the earth into a giant rock crystal."

"Does it matter?" says Enma. "I have some...supplemental material for you to analyze." He presents Okubo a set of videotapes.

"Why are you giving me these?" asks Okubo.

"The opportunity I have offered you will become clear once you watch the tapes," says Enma. "Now go: leave Reikai, and take your associates with you." Enma teleports Okubo out of his office.

* * *

The five teenagers appear in Koenma's office.

"Wow, that's a big desk," says Sawamura.

"Don't be impressed," says Kirishima. "The guy behind the desk is a big baby."

"Is that so...?" says Koenma in his teenage form.

Kirishima blinks, then pulls out Koenma's pacifier. "You still have that in your mouth!" he grins.

Koenma smirks as another pacifier materializes inside Koenma's mouth, leaving Kirishima flabbergasted.

"I wouldn't waste time with that if I were you," says George, annoyed. "Koenma _-sama_ can be a prankster."

Koenma sighs, handing Kirishima the folder he had earlier taken from the boy. "Under the present circumstances," he says, "it might be useful to let you five play with those files for a while."

Kirishima stares at Koenma as he accepts the folder. "...thank you, _kamisama_ ," he says.

"I'm in a lenient mood, I guess," says Koenma, "though it's not a good idea to press your luck. Now, I suggest that you five leave."

Yelu and Toshitada enter Koenma's office.

The five teenagers bow to Koenma and leave through a portal.

"Yelu," asks Koenma, "did you put the _shitennou_ up to this?"

Yelu shrugs. "I admit, honored lord Koenma, that I was reviewing their files," he says with a small smile, "but I would never be so presumptuous."

Koenma frowns at Yelu.

"One must never plan," Yelu continues. "The wise man steers the raging river towards his desired course."

"I hate it when you make sense," Koenma pouts.

"This has yet to make sense to me," says Toshitada.

"You can ask Kuroda about it if you like," says Koenma.


	28. Elixir 21

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #21** : You're not cursed to obey duty over love.

byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

Umino grins, pulling out many manila folders. "These are a few basic files on famous historical figures," he says, "so we can learn how to read and understand the files." He hands a stack of files to Sawamura.

"What's this?" asks Sawamura.

"Files on most of the samurai from the Sengoku period," says Umino wryly, "including the guy with the eyepatch who was holding you by the hand and keeping you from blowing the campaign."

"Look, I'm terrible at Japanese history, okay!?" spits Sawamura. "Now, quiz me on Western history, and I'd be great at it."

"Forgive Sawamura," says Kirishima. "His dad's an American _nisei_ who lives on an Army base."

"The files are actually pretty straightforward," says Naru. "These are 'absorption' files: where a human's soul is considered dead even though the person is still alive."

"What were they absorbed by?" asks Sawamura.

" _Yokai_ ," says Naru. "In the case of Saotome Ken, this was marked a natural absorption."

"I don't see how that can be natural," notes Kirishima.

"Saotome was a _hanyo_ ," says Okubo quietly. "Half-human, half _-yokai_. He's constantly complaining about his older brother when he's at the restaurant."

"According to this," says Naru, "he became a full-blooded _yokai_ in 1993."

"That's when he started coming to school everyday," says Sawamura. "Saotome had a condition that turned his hair white; he could only come to school once a month."

"That condition was called 'cute puppy-dog ear' syndrome," grins Naru, pulling out a picture of Ken frowning.

"Who are those people with him?" wonders Kirishima. "Especially the little kid with the fox tail."

"That boy is a _kitsune_ ," says Naru. "That picture was taken by Reikai over four hundred years ago."

"Wait," says Sawamura, snatching away Naru's folder on Ken. "You mean to tell me...? I'll be damned. Saotome," he says, "is over four hundred seventy years old, and was _alive_ during the Sengoku period."

Kirishima grins.

"Hell, I'd ace Japanese history too if I had lived half of it!" balks Sawamura.

"That doesn't explain how he aces everything else," says Kirishima.

"There's an unnatural absorption here," says Naru, presenting another file...

...which is snatched away by a dark blur.

Hiei appears, then hands the file to Kurama.

"I'll take that one if you don't mind," says Kurama. "There is such a thing as knowing too much."

Hiei starts rifling through Naru's stack of files.

"Don't you have any manners!?" spits Naru. "Who the hell are you?"

Hiei ignores Naru. "It's good to know that even Koenma isn't so hopelessly stupid," he says to Kurama.

"Please forgive Hiei _-san_ , Osaka _-kun_ ," grins Kurama. "He has no social graces."

"That was your file, Minamino _-san_ ," says Naru.

"Yes. You know the nature of your set of files," says Kurama, "so you may draw your own conclusions." He and Hiei leave Umino's house.

"How'd they get in here, anyway?" balks Umino.

"From what Ami told me when she explained her dislike for Minamino _-san_ ," says Naru, "he was skilled at breaking and entering; and he stole her button."

"Her...button?" wonders Umino. "Why would Minamino _-kun_ steal a button? And why would Mizuno _-san_ keep a button?"

"It was precious to her!" protests Naru hotly. "It was the second button of someone she cared about."

"It was Kuwabara _-san's_ ," Okubo says tonelessly, his manner almost detached.

"Ah," says Sawamura. "They were practically dating during the last year of grade school. Kuwabara _-san_ was so bummed about _ojou-sama_ going to Meioh that he convinced her to climb a really high tree. They were up there for hours and Shizuru _-san_ had to call the fire department."

"Yeah," grins Kirishima. "She was pissed!" He laughs, but his hands tremble over Kuwabara's file; tears stream down Kirishima's face.

Naru notes Kirishima's behavior. "Is that...Kuwabara _-san's_ file?" she asks him.

Kirishima stops laughing. "Is it that obvious?" he asks, handing Naru the file.

"Is something going to happen to Kuwabara _-san_?" asks Sawamura.

"He's...going to die," says Kirishima.

"From what!?" demands Sawamura. "If we can prevent it..."

"We can't. Kuwabara _-san_ will die during a disaster that kills a lot of people," says Naru.

"All over the world..." mutters Okubo.

"It's a worldwide disaster!?" balks Sawamura.

Okubo nods. "I have a lot of paperwork on it that I still have to study and figure out," he says, "along with some video."

"Then let's look at the video here, together," says Sawamura.

"No!" spits Okubo. "I want to make sense of it first, on my own." He grabs the files and videotapes, then leaves Umino's house.

"Keiichi has left the party," says Umino.

"We're not RPG characters, Umino," says Naru.

"We've just discovered that one of our friends was a four-century old _inuyokai_ ," scoffs Sawamura. "I don't blame Umino for treating this adventure of ours like a tabletop game."

"Hell, if you read Kuwabara's file," scoffs Umino, "it's like you're the NPCs of his game."

"No; if anyone's the star of a _**Dragon Quest**_ clone, it'd be Urameshi," says Kirishima. "Kuwabara _-san's_ the comic relief paladin."

"Yeah; but I say that the boss is the star and Urameshi's the overpowered sidekick," says Sawamura.

"If that's the case," says Kirishima, "then I think it's high time we became player characters. Our quest is to save Kuwabara _-san_ and the world from this disaster."

"Then we're dealing with a final boss who's already affected one of our party," says Umino, donning a Tochiro costume.

"Are we doing _**Captain Harlock**_ cosplay again?" groans Naru.

"Just hear me out, Emeraldas," grins Umino. "Okubo was pretty quiet about his findings," he continues, "and he left here in a hurry. I know bullshit when I see it."

"What are you thinking, Umino?" asks Sawamura.

"The same thing Koenma _-sama_ was thinking: that our mutual enemy gave Okubo his set of files. Whoever this person was," Umino continues, "he was powerful enough to send us all back to Koenma _-sama's_ office."

"That's why he let us have the files?" asks Kirishima. "He was bitching about me snatching Kuwabara _-san's_ file earlier."

"The enemy has to be Enma- _daiousama_ himself, then," says Sawamura. "He and Koenma _-sama_ are at odds because of an indictment charge Koenma _-sama_ laid on Enma _-daiousama_. That's what Masamune told me."

"So we're in the middle of a turf war...between two gods of death," says Kirishima.

"Let's just write up our character sheets now," says Naru wryly.

"All in due time. We need to get up a few levels first," smirks Umino. "And save Okubo from Enma _-daiousama's_ influence."

* * *

"Damn," says Sawamura. "What do you think Enma _-daiousama_ gave to Okubo to shut him up?"

"If I were Enma _-sama_ ," says Kirishima, "knowing I'm on trial for corruption like some sleazy politician, and a moron like Okubo had stumbled onto some damning evidence..."

"...I'd bribe the fuck out of him," says Sawamura with a thin smile. "What would Okubo's price be, though?"

"His mom and brothers," says Kirishima. "Maybe Koenma _-sama's_ dad offered to spare Okubo and his family from our impending doom."

"He'd insist on saving Kuwabara _-san_ too," says Sawamura.

"No; Enma _-sama_ would never agree to save Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Kirishima bitterly. "Kuwabara _-san_ had cut the barrier to the Makai."

"So what!?" spits Sawamura. "The only reason he did that was so he could help Urameshi kick that Sensui guy's ass. The _yokai_ didn't even come out to eat us."

"Besides, Saotome doesn't crave human flesh; he craves instant ramen," scoffs Kirishima. "Enma- _sama's_ just a bigoted bastard who hates _yokai_."

"Then what if...?" Sawamura begins.

* * *

"It's Ami _-san_ ," says Naru.

"Really, Naru?" asks Umino balefully.

"It's like Kuwabara _-san_ is Cecil Harvey and Okubo _-kun_ is Kain Highwind," says Naru.

Umino laughs. "The only way Okubo could be a Dragoon is if he were dressed like Mario," he chortles.

"The situation is the same: two close friends love the same girl," says Naru.

"So in your scenario, Mizuno _-san_ is Rosa Farrell," says Umino. "Do you think, then, that Mizuno _-san_ will survive the disaster?"

"I'm sure she will. I can't explain why," continues Naru, resolute, "but I know that Ami _-san_ will make it. Usagi will protect her."

Umino studies Naru.

"Usagi's sad because she can't save everyone," Naru continues, clutching a folder, "so we'll have to save ourselves."

"You think that Mizuno _-san_ is the hold that Enma _-daiousama_ has over Okubo?" asks Umino.

Naru nods.

* * *

"I'm pitiful," hisses Okubo, staring at his fluid-covered hand. "It's like the bastard knew when I saw these tapes that I'd want to..."

"Damn," grins Yusuke. "I knew Mizuno had nice tits, but to actually see them..."

"How the hell did you get in my house!?" spits Okubo as he hastily zips his pants.

"Jimmied open your window and snuck in," says Yusuke. "Where'd you get those tapes anyway?" he asks.

"None of your fucking business, Urameshi," says Okubo.

"I just wanted to know the pro who taped these so that I could get some choice shots of Keiko," Yusuke grins. "Just for those days when I'm feeling lonely."

"Are you going to sell out Kuwabara _-san_ for Mizuno _-san_?" Kirishima asks Okubo, angry.

"How did you get in?" groans Okubo.

"Jimmied open your bedroom window, like always," says Kirishima.

"I'm going to board up that window," scowls Okubo.

"Be fair, Kirishima," says Sawamura as he glances at the paperwork. "We'd probably do the same thing if we had a shot at _ojou-sama_. Damn, she's hot," he adds, admiring Ami's showering form on the tape.

"And you got in how!?" Okubo demands, furious.

"Front door, man," snorts Sawamura. "Your mom let me in while you were jerking off in here."

"At least we know why you didn't want us watching the tapes," says Kirishima.

"For the record," says Okubo coldly, "I didn't know what was on the tapes until I got home."

"What's this about Okubo selling out Kuwabara, anyway?" asks Yusuke.

"It's got nothing to do with you," says Sawamura, scowling.

"Yeah," adds Okubo. "We're in the middle of some heavy shit."

"Some _yakuza_ bosses-one of them dated Osaka-are backing this rich kid against his _oyaji_ , a sleazy corporate executive," says Sawamura. "He's a really corrupt bastard with a lot of clout. The kid wants to take over his dad's company to stop him from doing something that will kill a lot of people," he continues, glaring at Okubo.

"In order to take the _oyaji_ down, the kid needs some evidence for the prosecutor's office so that the court indictment will stick. The prosecutor's a real hardass, but he's honest," says Kirishima. "Our guess is that our buddy Okubo found some solid evidence," he sneers, "but the _oyaji_ cornered him and...we've got nude video of Mizuno as part of a bribe in exchange for Okubo's silence."

"Don't worry about it," says Sawamura. "We'll handle Okubo."

"You know," says Yusuke, "I've had some experience as a detective. Pay was shit, and my boss was an asshole, but I've learned a few things."

"That may be," says Kirishima, "but you've done plenty for us by dealing with the two assholes who tried to ignite a turf war. Let us return the favor."

"More to the point," says Okubo, scowling, "get out of my house, and take these two idiots with you."

"You didn't answer my question," spits Kirishima.

"I haven't decided yet," counters Okubo. "Unlike you, my brain isn't just a cushion for my skull."

"I'm the smartest guy in our gang, asshole!" seethes Kirishima.

"You two are breaking our family apart," says Sawamura dramatically in English, pretending to faint.

Yusuke shakes his head and leaves the den.

* * *

"What!?" balks Ken. "Those three morons have files from Reikai?"

"You should be more concerned," says Kurama. "They, Osaka _-kun_ , and Umino _-kun_ also have your file. They almost had mine," he continues, "but Hiei and I managed to retrieve it."

"As if I care about people learning I'm a _yokai_ ," scoffs Ken. "Humans and _yokai_ were able to coexist before Enma's crap. Not peacefully, mind you," he continues, "but for the most part, we didn't go out of our way to kill each other in my day."

"That was my experience as well, as was your father's," says Kurama.

"They don't have mine, or they'd be more scared of me," says Yusuke. "Technically, I'm the living dead as far as my humanity is concerned."

"Nah," says Ken. "They do have Kuwabara's file, and it probably mentioned that you died twice. Kuwabara's goons probably figured that you were too damn stubborn to stay dead like normal humans."

"That's actually Kuwabara's strong suit," says Yusuke, "so if his Reikai file says that he'll die in the future, I want to figure out how to stop it and save his ass one more time."

"The pitiful cover story that Kuwabara _-kun's_ gang gave you," says Kurama, "likely has a seed of truth."

Yusuke licks his lips. "Definitely. Enma must has Kurosawa on retainer for some of those shots of Mizuno," he says. "Those tapes and Okubo's files are from Reikai."

"I'll get a copy of the files," says Kurama.

"Could you...also get the tapes?" asks Yusuke.

"The tapes of Mizuno _-kun_ are unnecessary, Yusuke," says Kurama.

"Kuwabara needs them so that he can punish Okubo for jerking off to his woman," Yusuke grins. "I've already got me a smart girl with nice tits, remember?"

"Keiko's going to kill you again if you don't cut it out," counters Ken.

"And what of your woman, Saotome _-kun_?" asks Kurama with a knowing smirk.

"She's dead, but I'm trying to behave myself," says Ken. "I have this problem with the women I love still being able to strike me from beyond the grave."

"You said it, brother," says Shippo, slurping some of Ken's ramen.

"And Kagome was my woman," adds Okage, eating the rest. "I don't appreciate you trying to knock her up."

"Who the hell brought you two here?" snarls Ken.

"I did, low-breed," says Sesshoumaru as he sits at the table with a bowl of ramen and raw steak. "Shippo was assisting me in varying my diet, which would be wise to do until the political situation in Reikai is resolved."

Ken, annoyed, grabs some of Sesshoumaru's ramen with his hand and gulps it down. "That's for bringing those two bastards to eat my food," he says after a moment.

"You forget that I have nearly killed you for far less, little brother," seethes Sesshoumaru.

Yusuke rolls his eyes. "Damn glad that I'm an only child...unless my _oyaji_ shot a few other stray bullets."

"Which one?" asks Kurama.

"Both," says Yusuke with a smirk.

* * *

"That's a stupid idea!" spits Makoto. "I'm not giving _anyone_ a blow job!"

"We have to make it up to him somehow," muses Minako.

Makoto stares at Minako. "You're at your matchmaking antics again," she says, glaring at Minako, "and now is not the time. Besides," she continues, "Date _-san_ probably has the sense to not _want_ me anymore."

"Will you quit calling him 'Date _-san_ '!" fumes Minako. "He's not an old man."

"Then who is he?" asks Makoto.

"I'm sure Seiji's actually his stated age," grins Minako. "Of nineteen. Almost twenty, actually."

"I'm asking this seriously," says Makoto, a sour expression on her face. "I've realized for some time that I don't know a damn thing about him. Ironically," she continues, "Date Seiji's the only cute guy I haven't gushed about-but that's because he was supposed to be my big brother-figure."

"Brother complex!" coos Minako.

"...hitting you is pointless," says Makoto.

"Okay, fine: why won't you let yourself return Seiji's feelings?" asks Minako.

"I met him when I was ten," says Makoto.

"At least you didn't psychically marry him by mistake in an act of self-defense," grins Minako.

Makoto chuckles. "I get the feeling that had anything like that happened," she says, "I'd be chained to his bed as his wife: only set free long enough to cook meals. Date _-san_ doesn't have any of Kuroda _-san's_ self-control."

"Makoto," says Minako. "You have to confront Seiji, in the only way you know how: head-on."

"And tell him what?" demands Makoto. "That I don't want the world to be destroyed? That I hate the fact that he lied to me? That there's nothing we can do about anything? That I want to kick his perfect ass?"

"That you also want to fuck his brains out after kicking his sexy ass?" quips Minako.

"That'd be giving him what he wants," glowers Makoto.

"And yourself what _you_ want," says Minako. "Pushing him away isn't the answer; expressing your feelings to him is."

"I...get the feeling sometimes," says Makoto, "no. I know there's more to him. There's a reason he has those three samurai at his house."

Artemis arrives, climbing onto Minako's lap; Minako pets him.

"That, and his friends either are _yoroishi_ , or they know about the _yoroi_ and the Youjekai," says Artemis as he savors the petting.

"When you confront Seiji _-san_ ," asks Minako, "what are you going to do?"

Makoto wraps her ponytail around itself, forming a bun, then dons an oversized baseball cap. "I'm going to do what's _right_ ," she says, looking into Minako's eyes.

"I understand," says Minako coolly. "I won't stop you, and...I will never blame you."

Makoto stares at Minako.

"You're not cursed to obey duty over love," continues Minako.

Makoto trembles, tensing her fists. "This isn't _about_ love!" she roars. With that, Makoto stalks away from Minako.

Minako shakes her head. "Artemis," she says to the white cat after a moment.

"Hm?" says Artemis, looking up at Minako.

"If there's one thing I've learned in this life," says Minako, "that I wish I knew a thousand years ago, it's that it's _always_ about love."

* * *

"You will forever be a fool," scowls Hiei, annoyed with Kuwabara as they sit at the Crown Arcade.

"Just eat the fucking ice cream," spits Kuwabara, glaring at Hiei. "It's my treat."

Hiei stares at his bowl of vanilla ice cream. "I take it your attempt to woo Yukina has failed," he says.

Kuwabara pouts. "Maybe I figured that with your red eyes being the same color as hers," he says sardonically, "that I could practice with you until I got it right."

"I have enough sense to know that I am a poor substitute for Yukina," says Hiei. "Then again, Yukina has the sense to know that she'd be a poor replacement for Mizuno."

Kuwabara stares at Hiei.

"Yukina may be ignorant of human mating rituals, but unlike you, she isn't stupid," Hiei continues.

"I'll concede that I can be a dumbass," says Kuwabara, as he plants his finger on the tip of Hiei's nose, "but I have something in common with you, Hiei."

Hiei narrows his eyes at Kuwabara.

"Much like you and your sister," Kuwabara continues, smiling thinly, "Shizuru _-aneki_ and I are as different as night and day."

"Hn. It took you that long to figure it out?" scoffs Hiei.

"You assholes tend to keep secrets from me," spits Kuwabara, "and sometimes I get sick of trying to figure you out."

"In any event, don't be thick. One of your idiot cohorts is waiting for you to die so that he can take your woman from you," says Hiei.

Kuwabara snorts. "I suppose that I'm going to die pretty soon," he says, "if Okubo is willing to wait to make another move on Ami _-san_."

Hiei studies Kuwabara.

"I'm not a complete idiot!" spits Kuwabara. "Hell, Okubo saw her first," he continues, "and she'd probably be better off with him than me, you know?"

Hiei smirks. "You're a dumbass," he says, leaving with his bowl of ice cream.

Kuwabara slumps in his chair.

* * *

"Seiji," says Seiji's sister, "there's a guy who wants to spar with you in the dojo."

"Anyone I know?" asks Seiji.

"Looks harmless to me. He went in before I could stop him," says Seiji's sister.

Sighing, Seiji pockets his _yoroi_ bead and enters the dojo, shutting the door behind him.

Yamanouchi grins as he sets down his _bokudo_. "You've got an interesting sparring partner," he says.

"May I ask your name?" asks Seiji.

"I'll tell you if you can beat me," says the visitor.

"I'll tell you now, Date: you're fighting a woman," says Yamanouchi.

Seiji studies his visitor. "You want to fight unarmed?" he asks.

The visitor nods.

"Very well. Ready yourself," says Seiji as he enters a fighting stance.

"I'm ready. Are you?" says the visitor, attacking Seiji.

"You dishonored your opponent in his house: mistake one," says Seiji, striking the visitor in the midsection.

The visitor staggers.

"You underestimated your opponent's capacity to react: mistake two," continues Seiji with two punches to the visitor's jaw.

The visitor falls to the floor.

"Have I met your conditions?" asks Seiji.

"I think I'm done with the preliminaries," says the visitor, standing. "I was born Kino Makoto," continues the visitor, Makoto, as she removes her baseball cap, "but I've come into my own as Sailor Jupiter. Show me what you've really got, Date Seiji!" Makoto transforms into Jupiter and resumes her attack.

"Told you," grins Yamanouchi.

"This is unexpected. We had planned to fight you next week if necessary," says Seiji, summoning the Yoroi no Kourin's base armor and attacking Jupiter.

Jupiter chuckles ruefully as she attacks Seiji. "Not only does that not surprise me," she spits as she continues hurling punches at Seiji, "but it explains so much."

Seiji smiles even as he dodges Jupiter's attacks. "The only real mystery is how you could think that your delightful costume could conceal your identity," he says, an eyebrow raised.

"It certainly hides very little, Makoto _-dono_ ," grins Yamanouchi, observing the fight. "There's some kind of glamour aura surrounding you, but it doesn't work on those who are spiritually-attuned."

"Then..." says Jupiter, throwing a punch at Seiji's jaw.

"I knew for some time that you were a Sailor _senshi_ ," says Seiji as he blocks the punch, "even before the Disaster you and your friends refuse to prevent."

"Don't hold back, then, Date _-san_ ," says Jupiter. "I won't back down."

"Don't call me that," says Seiji curtly.

Jupiter trembles, then resumes her attack stance.

"It's far too late for us to bother with formalities, Makoto," says Seiji. "At your request," he adds with a gentle smile, "I'll give you as much of myself as you can take."

Jupiter glares at Seiji, even as she blushes.

"Feel free to come at me, from wherever you like," says Seiji.

Jupiter and Seiji continue the fight; Seiji gains the upper hand.

"Damn. You're definitely a better hand-to-hand fighter than me," grins Jupiter. "It's good to know you're strong as well as cute."

Seiji raises a skeptical brow.

"I'm serious," says Jupiter, reverting to Makoto.

"Are you turning yourself in as a hostage?" asks Yamanouchi.

Seiji scowls at Yamanouchi.

"Nothing as stupid as that," says Kuroda, reading a book. "I had anticipated that a dissension within the _senshi_ ranks would happen."

"So did I," says Seiji, "but I was expecting Tenoh _-san_ or Kaiou _-san_ , not one of Usagi _-san's_ close friends."

"Don't misunderstand," says Makoto. "I'm doing this to save my friends. And not just that, but to enforce the true will of my queen."

"Why would you oppose Enma _-daiousama_?" asks Seiji.

"My friends...are the only family I have left," says Makoto.

Kuroda smiles as he opens a file.

* * *

"Where is Makoto?" asks Ami coolly. "She's not home."

"If I told you that I don't know, I'd be lying," says Minako. "I simply won't tell you." Minako lets Ami inside her house.

Ami sighs. "Makoto is being difficult. We can't afford to let our prejudices rule us," she says, "especially as there's nothing we can do to oppose him."

"No doubt that her parents were a factor," says Minako, "but that's not her main reason."

"We have a duty to our queen," says Ami.

Minako sighs. "Have we given any thought to what our queen-that is to say, our friend Usagi-actually wants?" she asks.

"We must work within the possible," says Ami. "We have two options."

"And they are?" asks Minako.

"One: we locate the crystal seed and reverse what Enma _-daiousama_ did to create it," says Ami, "which will restore Lee _-chan's_ soul and save the human race, but at the cost of Chibi-usa's life. Two: we let Enma's plan play out as he wishes," Ami continues, "costing the lives of billions of people, but protecting our future princess."

"The bulk of humanity is the _least_ of what we stand to lose," says Minako. "I kept silent during our last argument-when Mamoru let us have it-because I was thinking."

"What else do we stand to lose?" asks Ami. "What have I failed to calculate?"

Minako touches her chin. "You know," she says, smiling, "you said that Kuwabara _-kun_ had really helped us the last time we were stuck on a problem. Why don't we pay him another visit?"

"T-that isn't necessary," says Ami.

Minako's smile hardens; she grabs Ami by the hand and pulls her outside.

* * *

Responding to a knock, Yusuke opens the door to his apartment after confirming the visitor: a sullen Okubo.

"Come in, come-*" starts Yusuke; he dodges an abrupt attack from Okubo and trips the heavier teen, pinning Okubo to the floor with his foot.

"I need that paperwork!" Okubo spits. "Give it back!"

"You thought that _you_ were going to beat it out of me?" scoffs Yusuke. "You think I've somehow slacked off at the one thing I'm good at?"

"I thought I could sucker punch you," spits Okubo.

"Did you forget the beating I gave Kuwabara when _he_ tried that shit with me?" counters Yusuke.

"No," says Okubo quietly. "That looked so painful that I felt it. I still need those files," he continues.

"I'll give you the paperwork," says Yusuke, "if you give me those tapes of Mizuno. Seriously: that's some hot shit," he continues. "You can't keep that to yourself. Your flabby cock's probably suffering from friction burn."

"You've got a girlfriend," seethes Okubo.

"You sure as hell can't have Kuwabara's girl," scowls Yusuke. "Even if that dumb bastard does die and Enma keeps his word to you, you still won't have her. You'll be lucky if Mizuno decides to let you be her flesh dildo."

"How can you speak that way about Mizuno _-san_!?" snarls Okubo, freeing himself from Yusuke's foot.

Yusuke quickly leaps to his feet as Okubo charges him; he punches Okubo and knocks him flat.

"You're such a disrespectful bastard," spits Okubo, wiping blood from his chin as he sits up.

"Not to Mizuno, believe it or not. I understand that the bitch is only human," says Yusuke. "No matter if you make yourself available, no matter how dead Kuwabara might be in the future," he continues, "she won't want you."

"Oh, really?" grins Okubo. "You can predict the future, too?"

"I know that Mizuno might be desperate enough to squeeze her thighs around you, man," says Yusuke, returning the crude grin, "but she'll be thinking about 'Kazuma _-san_ ' the whole fucking time. If you have any damned dignity," he continues, "you won't put yourself through that shit."

"What?" says Okubo, standing. "No lectures about selling out Kuwabara _-san_?"

"It ain't your fault that he's going to die," scoffs Yusuke. "I'll find a way to kick Enma's ass and save Kuwabara; but if I fail at that and Kuwabara dies on schedule, he'd want somebody to take care of Mizuno."

Okubo stands. "Yukimura _-san's_ going to die, too," he says.

"If he's dragging Keiko into this, then that just makes it personal," says Yusuke. "I'm going to _enjoy_ kicking Enma's ass." Yusuke grins, handing Okubo a file. "At least I know I'm not going to die again," he continues.

Okubo opens the file, reading it. He trembles, staring at Yusuke with his eyes wide.

"That's right: as a human being," says Yusuke, "I'm dead for good."

"That's an absorption file," says Naru, entering the unlocked door of Yusuke's apartment. "So you're a _yokai_ , Urameshi _-kun_?" she asks.

"Only since poor Sensui _-sempai_ killed me," says Yusuke.

"Only you could feel sympathy for an omnicidal maniac, Urameshi," says Okubo, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I told you and those other assholes earlier that I was a detective. Sensui _-sempai_ was my predecessor. We both busted our asses for Reikai to protect humanity," Yusuke continues. "And my boss, Koenma, was the fucking 'rich kid' you asses tried to pass him off as."

"...you knew all along where I got the files and those tapes," says Okubo, blushing.

"Tapes?" wonders Naru.

Yusuke whistles crudely. "I'm going to my room," he says, grinning as he leaves the living room.

Naru glares at Okubo. "What kind of tapes?" she asks.

"I didn't know what was on the tapes when Enma _-daiousama_ gave them to me," says Okubo, blushing.

"Didn't you make your feelings known to Ami _-san_ before, Okubo _-kun_?" asks Naru.

"Yeah, I did. Twice, now," says Okubo.

"Did she accept your feelings?" asks Naru.

Okubo shakes his head.

"Then let it go! Accept Ami _-san's_ rejection and move on," Naru demands. "You can't afford to lose a friend over this."

"I've already lost him!" spits Okubo, pointing at the paperwork on Yusuke's couch.

"If there were no way to stop Enma _-daiousama's_ plans," says Naru, "then why would he try to bribe you?"

"Because he's a god who knows everything about me," says Okubo, "including my weaknesses. Enma _-daiousama_ picked me because I'm weak. I've always been weak."

Naru studies Okubo.

"Look at how much even a stupid fuck like Urameshi respects Kuwabara _-san_!" continues Okubo. "I've always admired and respected Kuwabara _-san_ because of his strength and kindness...and I've also resented him for it," Okubo adds, sad.

Naru picks up the paperwork and takes Yusuke's file from Okubo. "Come on, big guy," she says. "Rejoin the quest with us," she continues, "and you'll find your own strength."

"...sure," says Okubo. "Why not?"

"Keiichi has rejoined the party," grins Umino, standing on the stairs outside the apartment with Sawamura and Kirishima.

"You followed me all the way here!?" balks Naru.

"I was headed to Mizuno _-san's_ house," says Umino, "but Aino _-san_ was steering her in a better direction."

"Let's grab Okubo before he changes his mind again," says Sawamura.

"Yeah; there are other girls, man," adds Kirishima. He and Sawamura pull Okubo out of Yusuke's apartment; Naru joins the group outside.

"I don't know how Kuwabara _-san_ puts up with you assholes," mutters Okubo with a smirk.

The five teenagers leave Yusuke's apartment.

* * *

Makoto, seated on her new hand-me-down couch acquistion, glares at the carpet. "I didn't need your help," she mutters.

Seiji sighs, his arms folded. "We've got to quit having conversations like this," he says after a moment.

"There's nothing to discuss," says Makoto, her tone cold.

Seiji sits on the other end of the couch, keeping his distance from Makoto. "I think there's plenty to discuss," he says, ruffling the lock of hair over his eye.

Makoto smiles. "You first," she says.

Seiji chuckles. "What do you want to know?" he asks.

Makoto clutches her arm, rubbing it slightly. "About your armor-that _yoroi_. It's made you so...serious," she says.

"It...it blinds me. It makes me drunk," says Seiji. "I wish he had just killed me."

Makoto blinks, astonished.

"Arago," continues Seiji. "He had me, Shuu, and Shin at his mercy-and could have simply killed us and taken back his damned _yoroi_ , but no. I suspect that he enjoyed the task," continues Seiji ruefully, "of turning the three of us into fresh young Masho."

"You...would have turned against mankind?" wonders Makoto.

Seiji laughs. "Makoto _-san_ ," he says gently, "you're so sweet. The reality is," he continues, "that mankind turns against mankind all the time."

"True..." muses Makoto.

"Sasaki _-kun_ , Kuroda _-kun_ , and Yamanouchi _-kun_ : they're all human, and the three of them are decent, honest men," continues Seiji. "Yet, as my opponents, they were the dirtiest fighters I've ever had the displeasure of fighting."

"Aren't they supposed to be samurai!?" balks Makoto.

"That's why I'm not even angry at them," says Seiji. "They are splendid samurai, and so was Kouma _-san_."

"It does explain why they're at your house," says Makoto, studying Seiji.

"Why are you delaying my question to you?" asks Seiji.

"Because...I have a good idea of what you're going to ask of me," says Makoto, "and the sentiment behind it isn't appreciated."

"For what it's worth," says Seiji, "had I stated my request as I had planned, the reasoning I intended to give you-the cynical, political reason you suspect-was so much bullshit."

Makoto stares at Seiji.

"I want you, Makoto. I won't be satisfied with just your body, or just your friendship," says Seiji. "I want it all: everything that you are."

"Everything that I am is six hundred years older than Sasaki _-san_!" fumes Makoto.

"True," says Seiji, "but the _yoroi_ we each wield a piece of is about your age."

Makoto rolls her eyes.

"Though frankly," continues Seiji, "the intimacy I share with Kourin...is rightfully yours."

Makoto rubs her arms, pouting at Seiji.

"I won't let this go," says Seiji. "I won't let _you_ go."

"I...I'm not ready for you," says Makoto soberly. "I can't handle you."

"Makoto..." says Seiji. "How many times are you going to try to lug used couches into this damned apartment?"

"Huh?" wonders Makoto.

"Or buy a new one?" continues Seiji derisively. "Or will you build one out of pieces of old couches?" he sneers. "That was my favorite project of yours."

Makoto glares at Seiji. "You... _stole_ that couch, didn't you?" she seethes.

"It's downstairs...in my den at the guest house," says Seiji. "If you want it back," he continues, "then you'll have to come home."

"You jackass!" spits Makoto, heated. "I am home!"

"Home," says Seiji, "is where our families...become one."

Makoto trembles, unnerved by Seiji's steady gaze. "Why...?" she asks.

"Regardless of whether or not you accept the most pitiful marriage proposal ever inflicted upon a woman," says Seiji wryly, "I am determined to honor my promise to you: to give you a family."

Makoto touches her chin.

"Even if we never share a bed together," adds Seiji, "I'm honored that you would take our side..." Seiji's words trail off...

...as Makoto kisses him.

Seiji blinks, confused as Makoto breaks the kiss.

"I had to stop you, Seiji _-san_ ," says Makoto, "before you said something wrong again."

Seiji gives Makoto an exasperated grin as he gently grabs her shoulders. "Then let me simplify matters," he says. "I love you."

"I..." begins Makoto, touching Seiji's lips as he leans in to kiss her. "I don't know if I return those feelings," she says, tears in her eyes. "And yet..."

Seiji brushes away Makoto's tears as they start to fall from her eyes, then touches Makoto's chin.

"I-I can't..." continues Makoto, shivering. "I can't fight you anymore," she spits bitterly, kissing Seiji's neck near his Adam's apple. "I need you, want you, _like_ you...!" She briefly kisses Seiji.

Seiji breaks the kiss, then pulls Makoto into an embrace. "I am yours," he whispers. He resumes kissing Makoto, his hands roaming beneath her blouse.

Makoto returns Seiji's kiss as she straddles Seiji's waist.

* * *

Kuwabara and Ami walk home from a party.

"Mina _-chan_ can be very silly, Kazuma _-san_ ," grins Ami.

Kuwabara draws Ami close to him in a friendly hug. "And you are quite drunk, Ami _-san_ ," he says, smiling.

"Will you take advantage of me?" Ami asks playfully.

"Normally, I wouldn't even consider it," says Kuwabara half-seriously, "but I am tempted to do so. You're one of my favorite people, Ami _-san_."

"Do you remember when we first met?" asks Ami.

"I remember saying hello to you every day beforehand," says Kuwabara, "and you returning the greeting. I remember being frustrated because I couldn't get you to notice me."

"And so you put frogs down my dress," Ami pouts. "That got my attention, but that doesn't explain you eyeing my panties."

"I was being a perverted little shit, and Kuwabara Kazuma cannot do anything silly without being punished," says Kuwabara. "It's an unwritten law of physics."

"If you think that's a law of physics," teases Ami, "that explains why your grades in that subject are still so low." 

"Ah, _ojou-sama_ : perhaps I'm studying too hard to let the information I'm learning soak into my brain," says Kuwabara in a mock-sigh.

Ami touches the collar of Kuwabara's shirt. "Black is a nice color on you," she says.

"You think so?" wonders Kuwabara.

"You're beautiful," says Ami, tears in her eyes. "Kazuma _-san_...I..."

Kuwabara kisses away Ami's tears. "So do I," he says, stroking Ami's cheek.

As they stand in front of the door to Kuwabara's house, Kuwabara and Ami gaze into each other's eyes. Kuwabara opens the door; he and Ami enter the house.

* * *

"Is this how it will be, father?" asks Koenma. "You withheld files from me during this investigation."

"I will not tolerate this insolence from my own son," says Enma with a dark scowl on his face.

"You're going to have to tolerate a lot from me from now on," says Koenma. "I must remind you that the punishment for genocide is death. There is a preponderance of evidence that you have engineered the Crystal Disaster. If you have anything to say in your defense," Koenma continues, "do so now."

"All I have to say to you, my son, is that you are a naive little shit," says Enma. "What is the reason for your exertion on mankind's behalf?"

Koenma stares at Enma.

"The human race has needed a culling for a long time," says Enma. "Billions of human beings, all consumed with their pointless desires, contaminate the earth."

"Why the Crystal Disaster, father?" demands Koenma.

"Because humans, with their strong sense of self-preservation and their tendency to rut like wild beasts," spits Enma, "won't kill themselves off fast enough. I've conducted numerous experiments to cut mankind down to size, culminating in three global wars that I've engineered."

"Three?" wonders Koenma. "I'm aware of two, though I never thought you were involved in either of them."

"The third one fizzled away into a sad series of proxy skirmishes," seethes Enma. "There was no way to provoke the two superpowers into annihilating each other..."

Sitting next to Toshitada, Samael smirks as he observes the inquiry.

"Was that your doing, Samael _-dono_?" asks Toshitada.

"It was my master's will. Yama's incompetent," says Samael.

"...in any event, my son," finishes Enma, "you can only convict me of what you can prove. You have no concrete, material evidence that I caused the Crystal Disaster," he concludes, "and so I will take my leave of this inquiry." Enma rises from his chair and leaves.

Koenma is alone with Toshitada and Samael.

"He's right," says Koenma. "I can't prove beyond a reasonable doubt that he engineered the Crystal Disaster."

"Yama admitted-finally-to instigating those three wars," says Samael. "However, they would have happened without his influence," he continues, "and the brutality was my doing. I was under orders to scare humanity back to its senses with the death tolls caused by their own weapons. That's why the Cold War was too tepid for your dad."

"Didn't he basically admit to his role in the Crystal Disaster?" asks Toshitada.

"No evidence," says Koenma. "The paperwork that Okubo has is a simple casualty list."

"I can get material evidence," says Samael.

"Jurisdiction. Unlike the world wars, this disaster is regional in origin," says Koenma.

"Then increase the preponderance of evidence," says Samael. "There's something we're missing."

"You're just going to involve yourself in this anyway," says Koenma.

"With all due respect, Ben Yama," says Samael, "multiple chthonic pantheons are concerned about the Crystal Disaster adding billions of human souls to their backlog."

"If I were Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Toshitada, "I would eliminate those concerns by erasing the souls from existence." He trembles at the thought of this.

"Then he'd be stepping far outside the bounds of his authority," says Samael, "although that's precisely what a lazy, crooked bastard like your father would do: issue a summary judgment upon everyone on that casualty list."

"An interesting theory," says Koenma, "but why not simply wipe out the entire human race? Why would Dad bother with theatrics about culling humanity?"

"He's largely indifferent towards humanity," says Toshitada. "We're insignificant in the cosmic order of things. I think he wants to cow mankind into total submission. If Crystal Tokyo is born from this disaster," Toshitada continues, "then Selenity and her inner court, along with Endymion, will be responsible for ruling this new heaven and earth."

"With just enough humans to repopulate Earth: the survivors were picked at random to ensure the appearance and form of impartiality," says Samael.

"In reality," says Koenma, "the survivors would be easy to manage and keep obedient to the gods-that would please them enough for them to overlook my father's crimes."

"That wouldn't please my god at all," counters Samael, "and I know many other pantheons who would literally raise Hell Proper to destroy Crystal Tokyo if this stands."

"I hope the Olympians don't drag themselves into this," groans Koenma. "I don't need to hear crap from Zeus-and definitely not from his daughter, the ruler of West Chthonia."

"He has his clan sitting this one out," says Samael. "They're worried about Chaos."

"If all of you are in fact against Enma's actions," says Toshitada, "then why not oppose him openly-have him stop this at once and restore Lee's soul?"

"We can't. Enma can't stop what he's set in motion-even if he wanted to," says Samael. "What happens from now until the deadline-December 31, 1999-depends on the moral free agency of human beings," he adds.

"Dad's primary advantage involves time travel," says Koenma. "There's already a temporal event where his plan succeeded; this would be the existence of Crystal Tokyo."

"Due to several alterations in the present and the future, Chaos is no longer a threat in the future," says Diamond as he appears with the Black Moon Clan: Blue Sapphire, Crimson Rubeus, and Green Esmeraude.

"For now," says Kunzite, also appearing with the other _shitennou_ : Jadeite, Nephrite, and Zoisite. "Remember: Chaos was able to corrupt the four of us, and there's no reason to believe that the _senshi_ are any less vulnerable to Chaos' influence in the future than we were in the past."

"Chaos already tried-or will try-once," adds Sapphire. "Remember, we of the Black Moon Clan had initially rebelled against Queen Selenity's rule and were banished to Nemesis."

Toshitada steps outside the inquiry room, confusion written on his face.

* * *

Toshitada shakes his head, outside the inquiry room. "Chaos, indeed," he mutters. "I cannot begin to make sense of this."

"Love can overcome Chaos," says Eros, appearing before Toshitada. "The red string of _ananke_ that ties mankind together," he adds, staring into Toshitada's eyes.

"Why are you looking at me that way, Eros _-sama_?" asks Toshitada.

"While it's true that you wanted to atone for your past sins," says Eros, "isn't it also true that your devotion to your comrades was so absolute that you gave your life to save them and Kayura from Arago's thrall?"

"I never gave it much thought," says Toshitada. "It was the right path."

"When you came to your senses," Eros continues, "your first thought was to reason with your still-deluded comrades."

"Only because the poor bastards were dragging me in as a traitor to Arago: which, as they were samurai, was their duty to their then-and my former-lord and liege," says Toshitada.

Eros nods.

"Devotion had nothing to do with it," Toshitada continues. "I simply felt I had the obligation to tell them the truth: that Arago was using them."

"At the very least, you held no malice in your heart," says Eros.

Toshitada touches his chin. "I suppose not," he muses.

"Thus," says Eros, "the other eight _yoroishi_ are bound together because of you. That's your gift, Toshitada," he continues, "one you inherited from your mother and father."

"I doubt that I could have inherited any virtues from my parents," says Toshitada. "They were such kind-hearted and noble people, beloved by everyone."

"Come with me, Toshitada," grins Eros as he and Toshitada reenter the inquiry room, "that you may behold the beauty and power of love."

"If Koenma _-sama_ will permit it," says Toshitada.

Koenma tosses Toshitada a clipboard. "Toshitada," he says. "I have some reincarnations I want you to monitor whenever Eros gets done with you."

"Yes, my liege," says Toshitada, catching the clipboard.

"We're in a holding pattern as far as the investigation is concerned," continues Koenma, "so we may as well get some other work done."

* * *

"I like playing against you," grins Yoshiki as he moves a knight.

"Maybe I can get that daughter of yours to teach Kazu the game," says Kuwabara's father, castling the king and a rook.

"I think they're teaching each other a more involved subject," says Yoshiki.

"That's why we're playing a game of chess in the middle of a thunderstorm," scoffs Kuwabara's dad. "Not to worry, though: lightning's allergic to me."

"Much of that lightning is from our children going at each other," says Yoshiki. "I think we're safe."

"Kazuma has been so lonely," sighs Kuwabara's father. "He can be himself with Ami-doesn't have to put up idiotic fronts."

"Loneliness," says Yoshiki. "It can eat you alive if you let it. But Ami is holding herself back; she's still unhappy. I can't die just yet..."

"You're even more stubborn than that crazy bastard nephew of yours," smirks Kuwabara's dad.

Yoshiki smiles. "Shinobu told me his plan was to die at the hand of a powerful _yokai_ ," he says, "to set the balance of justice to rights."

"He's dead, though," says Kuwabara's dad. "That was a poor way to reset the scales."

"Think about it," says Yoshiki. " _Yokai_ can roam freely through Ningenkai again. Enma can't brainwash them anymore-and can't justify a two-tiered system where _yokai_ are judged more harshly than humans for the same crimes."

"So, in a sense, Shinobu did get what he wanted," says Kuwabara's dad.

"I should say so. That has been the greatest curse on my family," says Yoshiki, "our strong sense of duty and purpose. Sometimes it can blind you to everything else; especially when you are lonely and isolated."

"You think Ami is like that?" asks Kuwabara's father.

Yoshiki crows happily at a rather spectacular fork of lightning. "Not right now," he says. "Perhaps we'll share cigars in a few months."

* * *

 _"What kind of person are you, Kuwabara-san?" asked Ami, a mixed look of relief and confusion on her face. "Why would you risk your life against that man?" She gently wiped away blood from a cut on Kazuma's cheek._

 _"You were being harassed by that dumb...kid," said Kazuma, carefully choosing his words. "As for me fighting the brat's older brother, it's my duty as a man to finish what I start."_

 _"You're ten years old, Kuwabara-san," said Ami, stern._

 _"Ah, ojou-sama is cross with me," said Kazuma, smiling. "I should be cross with you for interfering with my fight," he adds, pouting._

 _"That fellow was twice your size," said Ami._

 _"That makes him even bigger than that compared to a little girl like you," said Kazuma. "The only reason that guy got knocked out is because half of the school library is in your book bag, Mizuno-san."_

 _"I didn't want you to get hurt on my behalf, Kuwabara-san," said Ami._

 _"Friends protect each other," said Kazuma. "I'd do the same for Okubo, Kirishima, and Sawamura."_

 _"Would you try to look at their underpants?" asked Ami wryly._

 _"Fuck no!" spat Kazuma. "I don't want to look at their little nutsacks!"_

 _Ami's eyes grew wide._

 _Kazuma clamped his hands over his mouth, embarrassed. "...I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to hear that kind of language," he said. "I'm usually better behaved than this."_

 _Ami giggled._

 _Kazuma stood up, followed by Ami. "Let me escort you home, Mizuno-san," he said, "and prove that I'm a gentleman."_

* * *

 _"Couldn't you give him a chance, Ami-san?" asked Kazuma. "Okubo's a great guy!"_

 _"I...think Okubo-kun is wonderful as well," said Ami, blushing and frustrated under Kazuma's scowl._

 _"Then why didn't you accept his feelings!?" demanded Kazuma hotly. "Don't you know how difficult it is for a man to gather his feelings together?"_

 _"I'll tell you what I told him: I couldn't return his feelings," said Ami, becoming angry, "because I don't like him that way!"_

 _"Why not?" asked Kazuma._

 _"I like-*" started Ami, clamping her hands over her mouth as she stared at Kazuma. "I have feelings for...someone else," she said after collecting herself._

 _"Who is it, then?" asked Kazuma. "Okubo has the right to know who his rival is."_

 _Ami slapped him. "You can be really stupid, Kuwabara Kazuma," she said. She walked off._

* * *

 _"We're a pair of silly kittens stuck in a tree, Kazuma-san," said Ami._

 _"I know," said Kazuma. "I didn't think we'd climb this high."_

 _"We're a bit too old for this," Ami admonished._

 _Kazuma was silent, his expression unreadable._

 _"I have to pack my belongings, Kazuma-san..." said Ami, her words trailing off as she studied Kazuma._

 _Kazuma held Ami's hand. "Would it be so bad: being together like this?" he asked, rubbing his thumb gently over Ami's hand._

 _Ami blinked at Kazuma._

 _"I want us to be...to be friends forever," continued Kazuma, his eyes filled with a mixture of unnameable emotions._

 _"I think our feelings...have become more grown-up than that, Kazuma-san," said Ami._

 _"I know..." said Kazuma, blushing. "This was stupid!" he fumed._

 _"You want to keep me by your side, forever and always," said Ami._

"Forever and always, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara as he kisses Ami's forehead.

* * *

 _This can't be a coincidence..._ Toshitada muses, studying the list of reincarnated souls as he walks through the Haninozuka mansion. _They all have the same clan names...with some of them-even the same given names._

"Toshi _-chan_ ," says a small boy, smiling up at Toshitada.

Toshitada stares at the boy. "You can see me, Haninozuka _-san?_ " he says.

The boy nods.

 _According to the list, this child is ten, in spite of his short stature,_ says Toshitada as he looks for the child's name. _He reminds me of Haninozuka..._ Toshitada's thoughts trail off as he reads the boy's name.

"We're all waiting for you to come home, Toshi _-chan_ ," says the boy.

Toshitada continues to stare in disbelief at the boy's name: Haninozuka Mitsukuni. _He's the reincarnated soul of Haninozuka-sama. How is it even possible?_ he wonders.

"Tama _-chan's_ a determined fellow," says Mitsukuni, "and we love him. That's why."

Toshitada sighs. "It's impossible for this plot to work," he says to Mitsukuni. "Even if all of your clans were to meet again, and befriend each other again," he continues, reviewing his clipboard in disbelief, "there's no guarantee that Suoh Tamaki-who is in France-and Fujioka Haruhi will marry once again."

"I have faith in you, Toshi _-chan_ ," says Mitsukuni. "You'll do what's right. I have to go to bed now," he adds, yawning.

"Good night, then," says Toshitada as he leaves Mitsukuni.

* * *

Ami wakes up to the sound...of Kuwabara snoring. "He needs to get that apnea of his treated," she says aloud to herself, smiling.

Zoisite appears in a flurry of rose petals. "You seem happy," he says.

Ami scowls, wary of the King of Fire; she guards Kuwabara protectively.

"I'm dead, Sailor Mercury," says Zoisite. "However, even if I were alive, I'm not as stupid and arrogant as Nephrite. I know better than to cross the likes of that fellow," he adds, pointing at Kuwabara.

"Please state your business with me," says Ami.

"I want to wish you well, former love of mine," says Zoisite soberly, "and to give you the same honest advice you should have taken a millennium ago."

Ami studies Zoisite.

"Be selfish, Mizuno Ami. Duty has its limits: it won't keep you warm at night," continues Zoisite, "and it can't return your devotion in equal measure."

"What is your point, Zoisite _-sama_?" asks Ami.

"What do you stand to gain from adhering to duty?" Zoisite demands.

"It...isn't a matter of gain...or loss," says Ami, trembling.

"Good..." says Zoisite. "Those words don't fall as easily from your lips now as they did then."

"My duty is to Selenity _-hime_ -then, now, and forever," says Ami.

"Ah. And what is Selenity _-hime's_ wish?" asks Zoisite.

"Her wish...?" wonders Ami. "Why is that relevant?"

"You know her better than I do, don't you?" asks Zoisite.

"If it were left solely to her," says Ami, absently running her fingers through Kuwabara's hair, "she would undo Enma _-daiousama's_ wicked act...and undo the future in the process."

"Then rejoice!" says Zoisite, grinning. "You don't have to shirk your duty. Just honor Selenity _-hime's_ wishes: follow your own dreams, and stay in the arms of your lover. That, I'm certain," continues Zoisite, "is what this current incarnation of the princess-who is now your queen-wants."

"And what of her happiness?" demands Ami.

"She has my former liege, Kamen _-chan_ , to comfort her," scoffs Zoisite. "Remember: he threw himself in front of her to let me immolate him. If that isn't love and devotion, I don't know what is."

Ami glares at Zoisite.

"Oh, don't think that I don't know the beautiful feelings you're having, girl," says Zoisite. "I know love. I have been fortunate to love and be loved in return."

"Kunzite _-sama_?" asks Ami.

"Yes. When I courted you, long ago, he was there. When you spurned me, he was there," says Zoisite.

"When the four of you helped Beryl _-sama_ destroy the Moon Kingdom," says Ami wryly, "I will stipulate that Kunzite _-sama_ was definitely there."

"'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'," says Zoisite with a thin smile, "and I tend to think like a woman does at times."

"You're a very vindictive fellow, I suppose," says Ami, "though I don't think that's a feminine quality...or a masculine one."

"In any event, when Beryl struck me down...Kunzite _-sama_ was there for me, to the very end," says Zoisite.

Ami touches her chin in thought. Kuwabara stirs, but remains asleep.

"You have a perfect treasure in Kazuma _-chan_ ," Zoisite continues. "Don't let that insufferable cretin Enma drive you to throw him aside."

"...what choice do I have?" asks Ami bitterly.

"You may choose to accept the wretched future that Enma has plotted: if you believe that duty demands it," says Zoisite, "and-dead though I am-I will ensure that you regret it...again." Zoisite vanishes in another flurry of petals.

* * *

Yamanouchi sits down next to a drunk Toshitada. "Koenma _-chan_ is looking for you, Kouma," he says.

"That's no way to refer to Koenma _-sama_ ," says Toshitada, a bitter smile on his face, "no matter how much like a bowl of piss he is."

Yamanouchi pats Toshitada's shoulder. "What rotten trick did the brat play on you?" he asks.

"He commanded me to monitor the reincarnations...of my family," sneers Toshitada.

"Go on," says Yamanouchi.

"Everyone, including my mother, whose heart I broke the day I chose..." Toshitada's words trail off as he trembles. "I sent her to an early grave," he continues, "and the sickening part is, that is among the least of my sins."

"What's bothering you so much, Kouma?" asks Yamanouchi. "Your clan is alive once more," he continues, "and if all goes well with your purgatory in Reikai, you'll be reborn with them, and I'll harass you for a drink when we meet again."

"You know better than that shit, Yamanouchi _-dono_ ," groans Toshitada. "Enma _-daiousama_ will wipe all of their hopes away...along with the bulk of mankind."

"There are four small children at the _**Ai Mart**_ , who look up to 'Nao _-chan_ '," says Yamanouchi. "The youngest one is carrying the reincarnation of my lost love in one of her eggs: the woman I was determined to marry."

"That peasant girl you had deflowered?" wonders Toshitada. "You don't have Reikai's archives, and your _reikan_ isn't that strong."

"Inoue _-dono's_ youngest brat is named 'Miyako'," grins Yamanouchi. "That little girl-in a normal life-would come of age, marry and give birth to my reincarnated bride. So you see," he continues, losing his smile, "Enma _-daiousama_ has destroyed my life before I could begin to rebuild it, just as well as yours."

"And all because Koenma _-sama's_ father killed Fuan _-kun's_ young son, and crushed his soul," says Toshitada. "Why would a god do such a thing? I've thought and thought on this matter," he continues, "and still have no answer that makes any sense."

"Only a god would know the answer," says Yamanouchi, "and the answer wouldn't make any damned sense to us anyway."

"Without a motive," says Toshitada after drinking another serving of _sake_ , "there's no way to submit an alternative to Enma- _daiousama_...the bastard."

"I wonder what that monk, Kaosu, would do about this," says Yamanouchi.

"I had asked him, but he's in the same fix we're in," says Toshitada. "Kaosu _-sensei_ has no clue how to stop this-and he managed to reason with one of the most stubborn men to have ever lived," Toshitada adds with a self-deprecating grin.

"Hell," says Yamanouchi, "that poor bastard probably figured that while he could have reasoned with us, Arago would still have had this world under his power. Better to talk sense to you first."

"The only way to combat wickedness in high places," says Kaosu as he appears, "is to find a determined and passionate soul; one who will fight that which others cannot."

"Yeah," adds Yusuke, kicking Toshitada out of his chair. "Now get off your ass and serve your sentence."

"Urameshi _-kun_ ," spits Toshitada, "what would you have of me, you stupid bastard?"

"Without me to kick around," says Yusuke, "you've got to be the guy who takes care of business for Koenma."

"How am I to do this?" asks Toshitada as he stands.

"I figure we could work together and find out exactly what Enma did with Lee's soul," says Yusuke.

"A sinless soul can't be destroyed by a god's hand," says Toshitada. "It has to be transformed into something that serves a higher purpose."

"Enma _-daiousama_ knows the rules," adds Yamanouchi. "He'd cover his ass, and the birth of a utopia is definitely a high calling."

"A seed retains the character of the plant which produced it," says Kaosu, "thus the idea that Lee's transformed soul was buried somewhere unreachable presents itself to me."

"The Crystal Disaster is like a weed, then?" asks Yamanouchi.

Kaosu nods.

"Then we find out where this crystal seed-Lee's soul-was planted, and we shall pull this miserable weed out of our garden," says Toshitada. He downs the rest of his _sake_ and leaves the bar.

"Was he always like this?" wonders Yusuke.

"Worse," grins Yamanouchi, paying for the drinks. "Let's go while the _sake's_ still in his _shinigami_ blood."

Yusuke nods; he and Kaosu follow Yamanouchi out of the bar.

* * *

"Toshitada and Kaosu are working out things on the underworld end," says Yusuke to Kurama and Hiei. "We need to figure out how to stop the Crystal Disaster in case they fail and we can't convince Tsukino to use her power to stop it early."

"It may be impossible," says Kurama.

"Enma has planned this well," adds Hiei, "and Koenma was too distracted with the brainwashing business against us to monitor this plot against humans."

"We have to find a way to save Keiko and Kuwabara," says Yusuke.

"Don't fucking worry about saving me," spits Kuwabara, leaning in the doorway.

"Did Mizuno do something stupid," says Yusuke, scowling, "like leave you without even saying goodbye?" He looks into Kuwabara's eyes.

Kuwabara looks at the ground.

"Shit! That kind of crap got her Moon Kingdom destroyed before, when she jilted that bastard Zoisite during her past life," says Yusuke.

Kurama and Hiei stare at Yusuke.

"Raizen told me a lot of shit before he died," says Yusuke, shrugging.

Kuwabara snickers, then laughs raucously. "Human or _yokai_ , you're a stupid bastard, Urameshi Yusuke!" he says.

Yusuke's eyes widen at Kuwabara.

"Humanity has survived worse than whatever crap Enma _-daiousama_ might throw at us," Kuwabara continues. "Why don't you idiots focus on saving yourselves-for Yukina _-san's_ sake if no one else's?" He leaves Yusuke's apartment.

"Hn. The fool's without his woman," scoffs Hiei.

"I think it's more than that for Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kurama, touching his chin.

Yusuke snorts. "If Mizuno were a guy, I could beat some sense into her without having to have Kuwabara try to impale me," he says. "I'll find out what's on Kuwabara's mind."

* * *

Ken slaps his neck.

Myoga grumbles as he reinflates himself. "I'm getting on in age, Inuyasha _-sama_ ," he says. "Please be gentle with me."

"What's going on, Myoga?" groans Ken.

"I was flirting with a lady on the back of Kuwabara _-san's_ cat, Eikichi, when Kuwabara _-san_ himself came into the room to pet him," says Myoga. "Kuwabara _-san_ had muttered something about Mizuno _-san_ feeling guilty about Crystal Tokyo."

"They ought to feel some guilt," spits Ken, "considering that their future will come at the cost of most of humankind."

"I appeared to Kuwabara _-san_ and asked him how he felt about Crystal Tokyo, but he shrugged off the death toll for humans," says Myoga. "When I asked him why... He told me." Myoga shivers as he explains.

 _"Don't worry your little head about human beings, nomi-ojiisan," said Kuwabara. "Enma-daiousama's not going to kill us all off: the gods need our prayers too badly for that."_

 _Myoga stared at Kuwabara. "Please, Kuwabara-san: I'm confused," he said._

 _Kuwabara smirked. "I spoke with Tsukino-san's little girl years ago-had to give Chibi-usa-chan a stern lecture about drugging people," he said._

 _"Usagi-dono isn't pregnant to my knowledge," said Myoga._

 _"Not for another thousand years anyway-in spite of Tsukino-san's best efforts with Chiba. Chibi-usa-chan came from the future, you see," said Kuwabara. "And some things..." he continued, "...simply aren't in the future."_

 _Myoga studied Kuwabara._

 _"Once, I asked Chibi-usa-chan what she knew about yokai," said Kuwabara. "She had answered me with a question of her own: 'what are yokai'?"_

* * *

"No _yokai_ in the future?" spits Ken at a sullen, distant Kuwabara; the two sitting in the living room at Sesshoumaru's house.

"That's right. You all are scrambling to save humans: most of whom don't believe you even exist today, and of those of us that do know of you, most of us wouldn't even piss on you if you were on fire," says Kuwabara. "I can't believe that I was ever frightened of _yokai_ when I was little-I had no idea how fucking stupid and naive your kind can be."

" _Oi_ : until recently, I was half-human myself," says Ken, scowling. "Maybe that fact gives me a soft spot for your stupid, bloodthirsty race."

"My impending death-in fact: the deaths of most of humanity during the Crystal Disaster," says Kuwabara tonelessly, "all of that is just a bloody smokescreen designed to cover up Enma _-daiousama's_ _yokai_ genocide from the other gods that he has to answer to."

Ken stares at Kuwabara.

"You don't know why, do you?" says Kuwabara.

Ken shakes his head, confused.

"Ain't it obvious?" asks Kuwabara. "All of this bullshit is so that Koenma _-sama's_ fucking father can look like an ass-kicking judge of the wicked who created peace on earth with a bold plan to rid the world of evil. That's why I..." continues Kuwabara, wincing, "...I don't see any point in living."

Ken grips Kuwabara's shoulder. "Before you go plotting to push Mizuno into making a lovers' suicide pact with you," he says, "let's think this through."

Kuwabara shakes his head as he breaks free of Ken's grip.

"We should find a way to beat Enma for being a dirty bastard," continues Ken. "There's a way to stop this, so let's find it."

"No," says Kuwabara. "Doing such a thing would destroy the lives of innocent people in the future-it's not their fault that Enma _-daiousama's_ an asshole."

"Who, besides Usagi's brat?" demands Ken.

"Petz _-san_ , Calaveras _-san_ , Berthier _-san_ , and Koan _-san_ : all very decent women overall," says Kuwabara. "Not only do they not deserve to die," he continues, "but the whole reason they and the rest of the Black Moon Clan were corrupted by the Death Phantom was because they were rebelling against Enma _-daiousama's_ puppet governors...who are friends of ours compelled by Enma _-daiousama_ to play out their roles."

"So, because Mizuno doesn't see a way out," says Ken, "there is no way out: is that it?"

"It has to be," says Kuwabara. "Ami _-san_ doesn't take defeat very well; she's not the type to give up hope. If she thinks the matter is hopeless enough...I have to believe her, as much as I hate being cheated."

"Then she told you about Crystal Tokyo and Enma's role in it?" asks Ken.

Kuwabara nods, wincing at the memory...

 _"Kazuma-san...?" said Ami, studying Kuwabara's tense scowl._

 _"Why couldn't you at least say goodbye, Ami-san?" asked Kuwabara with a forced degree of calm._

 _Ami bowed. "I ask your forgiveness," she said. "That was inexcusably rude of me."_

 _"Rude...? Rude!?" spat Kuwabara. "That is an understatement, Ami-san."_

 _"I...I must go," said Ami, trembling._

 _"I understand that you believe you must cut you ties with me," said Kuwabara. "It's painful, but you have your reasons. However," he continued, summoning his reiken, "if you don't give me these reasons, then I cannot forgive you: I won't let you leave here alive."_

 _"You're angry, Kazuma-san," said Ami. "And justifiably so."_

 _"Then talk. Tell me lies," said Kuwabara. "I don't care. Just say something to me."_

 _"What is there to be said?" asked Ami, as she continued to shiver beneath Kuwabara's glowering gaze._

 _"With what is between us," said Kuwabara with a mirthless smile as he disperses the reiken, "do you honestly think I will meekly allow you to toss that aside? Without even a word to me?"_

 _Ami stared at Kuwabara, who narrowed the distance between them, then pinned her against a wall._

 _"Tell me you hate me," hissed Kuwabara into Ami's ear. "Tell me you used me for my body and want nothing more to do with me."_

 _"None of that is true," said Ami, willing herself not to give in to Kuwabara's closeness._

 _"Then what is true, Ami-san?" asked Kuwabara. "I won't let you leave me with nothing...unless I take your life."_

 _Ami glared back at Kuwabara._

 _"Don't give me that look, Ami-san," said Kuwabara, a dark look in his eyes. "I'm pissed off enough about this that I might decide to make you suffer. Persist in defying me in this," he continues, gripping her wrist, "and you will regret it."_

 _"Why...would you even...?" wondered Ami._

 _"Just because I've chosen not to commit despicable acts," Kuwabara whispered into Ami's ear, "doesn't mean I can't, or that I don't know how."_

 _"Do you think I want to let you go, Kazuma-san?" demanded Ami as she pushed Kuwabara away. "I have no choice!"_

 _"Then tell me why," said Kuwabara, relentless._

 _"You'll wish that I hadn't," said Ami. "You'll wish that we had never crossed paths."_

 _Kuwabara kissed Ami. "That?" he said after breaking the kiss. "Never, Ami-san."_

Ken shrugs. "It was either that or a start of darkness for you, Kuwabara," he says. "I know from experience that love can drive anybody crazy."

"Kagome _-san_ , or Kikyo _-dono_?" asks Kuwabara.

"Both," says Ken. "Kagome because it took forever for me to figure out her feelings," he continues, "and Kikyo because of that bastard Naraku."

* * *

At the old well outside Higurashi Shrine, Sota presents a package to Sesshoumaru.

"What is this?" asks Sesshoumaru.

"It's addressed to Inuyasha-that is, Ken _-niichan_ ," says Sota. "It was buried here," he adds, pointing to the mound of freshly-turned earth near the well.

 _I thought that I had scented the presence of Inuyasha's woman here,_ Sesshoumaru muses. _Indeed,_ he continues silently as he accepts the package, _Kagome has a message for him._

"Make sure that goes to Ken _-niichan_ ," says Sota.

"I shall do so," says Sesshoumaru as he leaves Sota at the well.

 _If there is some gambit of Kagome's in play, as I suspect,_ says Sesshoumaru to himself, _then Inuyasha shall undo it with his impulsiveness._ With that, he opens the package, discovering a book.

Sesshoumaru opens the book, only to snarl in frustration; Kagome had written words in _kana_ , but the words made no sense to him.

Sighing, Sesshoumaru flips through the book; he discovers a note in readable Japanese at the end, addressed to him:

 **I knew that you would be a nosy snoop, _Onii-sama_. I don't intend for you to attempt this alone; you must swallow your pride and trust Inuyasha.**

 **You're smart enough to know that there was a purpose behind everything I've done since I returned to your era to live out my life with you. I've tried to help you two reconcile your differences because you two are brothers, and if your father were alive, he would have done the same.**

 **Now, _Onii-sama_ : give this book to Inuyasha, the only one who can read what I've written, and let him take the lead from there.**

 _There is a reason why Inuyasha chose this woman as his mate,_ says Sesshoumaru, chuckling. Bemusedly shaking his head, Sesshoumaru closes the book and leaves Higurashi Shrine.

* * *

"I told you: I won't be the hero in this," spits Kuwabara as he leaves Sesshoumaru's house. "I'll live out my life in the best way I can. See to your own affairs."

"You can't turn your back on this, Kuwabara!" Ken snarls at Kuwabara's retreating form.

"The matter does seem hopeless, Inuyasha _-sama_ ," says Myoga.

"I didn't survive for four hundred years to see the world die because of some god," seethes Ken. "And I sure as hell don't intend to let that bastard kill me."

"Who's trying to kill you this time?" asks Shippo.

Ken gives Shippo a thin smile. "Enma," he says.

"But I thought he was wiping out most of the human race," says Shippo.

"We're going to bite it too, Shippo," says Ken. "Kuwabara just warned us."

"Then what should we do?" asks Shippo.

"Grab Tsukino and make her undo this-ow!" spits Ken, his head struck by a book...

...which Sesshoumaru threw at him.

"I'll...move someplace safe," says Shippo, giving Ken and Sesshoumaru wide berth.

"I'm...not in the mood for your crap, _Onii-chan_ ," sneers Ken.

"Perhaps not," says Sesshoumaru, "but it is in lieu of what Kagome _-dono_ would do to bring you to heel, low breed." He enters the house.

Ken starts to follow Sesshoumaru inside, but notes a familiar scent from the book.

"That book..." says Shippo, also recognizing the book's scent. "I remember seeing Kagome writing in it, but the words made no sense."

Ken picks up the book and opens it. "' _Bonjour_ , Inuyasha...'? If she wrote the damn thing in French," he spits, "why would she bother with _kana_...?" Ken trails off as he continues reading.

 **As for why I wrote everything in _katakana_ , I know that you're the only one who can read French written in _kana_. A French reader would see Japanese, and any Japanese readers would read babbling nonsense.**

 **I want you to read carefully, Inuyasha...**

Ken reads for several hours.

* * *

"We should prepare for war against Reikai," says Yomi. "This is intolerable."

"But only Enma is our enemy," counters Mukuro. "Furthermore, what good would it do? His plan has already been set in motion," she continues, "and killing him won't stop it."

"We can't trust this matter to humans," says Yomi. "On the balance, they will survive Enma's assault."

"But it was a human who had warned us of the impending destruction," says Hokushin.

"We can't just let that bastard Enma do whatever he wants-to us or to humans," spits one of Raizen's friends. "I say we hand him his oversized ass."

Enki considers everyone's words, stroking his goatee.

"Yo!" says Sawamura, in red paint with costume horns. "I've heard that there are some humans ready to stick it to Enma too."

"You do realize that we know you and your friends are all humans, right?" says Mukuro with a small smile.

"We really should have just come as ourselves," groans Naru, taking off a Noh mask and pink wig.

Umino scowls at Sawamura. "We were going to reveal ourselves after we had gauged their mood, you idiot," he says.

"Then you know that we're not in a good mood," says Yomi.

"Please understand!" says Naru. "We're not responsible for this!" 

"Forgive my father's skepticism," says Shura with a humorless smirk. "Enma did start a targeted campaign to brainwash our kind to be more hostile to you than we normally are. Not that some of us aren't hungry right now," he continues, licking his lips at Okubo.

"Look, you brat!" spits Okubo, trying to control his fright. "We've got skin in this, too!"

"You wouldn't have even learned of this shit if it weren't for Kuwabara _-san_ ," adds Kirishima hotly. "That bald guy said so himself," he adds, pointing to Hokushin.

"The simplest tactic to ruin Enma's plan," says Mukuro, "would be to wipe out the human race."

"That's crazy!" says Naru. "That won't stop the Crystal Disaster! You'll still die!"

"True," says Mukuro, "but we'll take humankind out with us. I have no personal animus toward your kind," she continues, "for what it's worth. It's to punish the gods with what you humans call a pyrrhic victory."

"Bitch," says Sawamura, snatching off his costume devil horns, "if the gods gave a damn about either of our races, then they would have stopped Enma long before now."

"The human has a point," says Enki quietly. "There may be humans who are at least willing to coexist with us."

"Coexist?" snorts Sawamura. "Hell, we went to middle school with Urameshi Yusuke and Saotome Ken."

"So far, neither one of them has wanted to eat us," adds Kirishima.

"I know Yusuke," says Yomi, "and I knew the father of the one you call Saotome."

"I'm a friend of Yusuke's father," adds Enki, grinning.

Okubo trembles. "Urameshi's dad...?" he asks.

"Thirty-three generations removed," says Yusuke. "My human father was the guy who actually knocked my ma up," he adds, slapping Okubo on the back with a grin.

"Are you vouching for these humans?" asks Yomi.

"Yeah," says Yusuke. "They're on our side."

"I can safely say that there aren't any humans against us," adds Kurama. "Most of them are unaware of our existence in this era."

"Before Enma's scheme, we could move freely between here and Ningenkai," says Okage, "and in time-if we can stop the Crystal Disaster-we can do so once again."

"I don't see why we shouldn't fight Enma," says Jin.

"Killing humans just seems to be a waste of our strength," adds Touya.

"You ain't kidding," continues Rinku. "If any of them have bodies as stubborn as Kuwabara's," he says, "I don't think we'll be able to fight them off."

"I'd say that the most fearsome _yokai_ were the ones who were once full-blooded humans themselves," says Shigure.

"I think Toguro and Sensui _-sempai_ would have had a good fight," says Yusuke.

"I was thinking of someone else," says Shigure. "A man who traded his soul for invincible armor. With that newfound power," he continues, "he took over a realm reserved for the strongest warriors: the Youjekai."

"That would be Arago," says Kurama. "Did you forge his armor," he asks, "or did Totosai _-dono_?"

"Arago had forged that armor himself," says Totosai. "How did you learn of this, Shigure?"

"A monk-the only human to defeat me in combat-wanted to learn of a way to purify Arago's armor," says Shigure.

* * *

"You still have the Compact, Urameshi _-kun_?" wonders Toshitada.

"Yeah; just in case I need to contact anyone in Reikai...like you," smirks Yusuke, still in Makai.

Toshitada rolls his eyes.

"Are you still with that monk friend of yours: Kaosu?" asks Yusuke.

"Yes," says Toshitada. "I take it that you wish to speak with Kaosu _-sensei_."

"Please, Kouma _-kun_ ," says Kaosu, crouched low to the ground, "hand me the Compact."

Toshitada nods as he complies.

"What would you have of me, young one?" Kaosu asks.

"I spoke with a guy named Shigure here in Makai who knows about the _yoroi_ and that bastard Arago," says Yusuke.

"I see," says Kaosu. "The destinies of nine men are connected to the _yoroi_ ," he continues, "including this restless soul behind me."

"Toshitada could stand to relax every once in a while," says Yusuke, grinning.

"If you have any clue as to where Lee's soul could be hidden, Urameshi _-kun_ ," says Toshitada, smiling thinly, "feel free to speak at any time."

"I'm actually focused on getting an army together to kick Enma's ass," says Yusuke. "I figured that with you and Kaosu in Reikai, you'd be able to find the kid's soul."

"The only record of the matter is that Lee's soul offered itself for sacrifice," says Kaosu.

"Babies can't offer themselves for sacrifice!" spits Yusuke.

"Of course," seethes Toshitada, "that won't be considered sufficient proof to Koenma _-sama_ of Enma _-daiousama's_ perfidy."

"Look," says Yusuke, "I think Koenma believes us. He just can't prove it to Enma's superiors."

"The doctrines of Enma _-daiousama's_ native pantheon are...esoteric," says Kaosu. "They do not concern themselves with the affairs of this world."

* * *

"I need you all to listen to me!" shrieks Koenma, haggard. "Five point six billion human beings will not only die, but all of their souls will be summarily destroyed without cause!"

"Humanity will recover," says Vishnu. "There is no cause for this emotion, Yama _-putra_."

"What does it take to make you _care_?" asks Koenma, struggling to keep himself from tears. "Yama _-pitaa's_ designs must be stopped."

"Our primary concern is to break the eternal cycle of _samsara_ ," says Enma, "which plagues even the gods themselves. This is a matter which Yama _-putra_ , owing to his youth, forgets."

Koenma ignores Enma, choosing to direct his address to Brahma. "I have not forgotten the cycle, or its ultimate purpose," he says. "Humanity must overcome the curse of _samsara_ themselves; that is the purpose of reincarnation. Soul annhilation is not meant to be invoked lightly," he continues, "but only to be used on the most wicked and irredeemable of souls."

Vishnu strokes his chin.

"If imposed in an arbitrary fashion," concludes Koenma, "then what is the point for a human to seek _nirvana_ over earthly pleasures-if the end result is the same?"

"Yama _-putra_ speaks wisely," says Shiva. "How long would it take to process the souls through normal channels?"

"Most of the souls projected to die within my jurisdiction from the Disaster shouldn't take more than a hundred years to process," says Koenma, "and that's owing mostly to my usual backlog. If I fast track these souls," Koenma continues, "the bulk of them are reincarnations, including the twenty-eight percent who are children below the age of spiritual accountability." Koenma glares at Enma.

"The reality is that humans will not relinquish the meaningless desires which bind them to the wheel of _samsara_ ," says Enma. "As long as they crave material possessions and sensual arousal, they shall not seek _nirvana_."

"Humans themselves have a saying, _pitaa_ ," says Koenma. "'You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink'. A human must seek _nirvana_ of his or her own volition; to believe that mankind can be compelled to pursue _nirvana_ ," he continues, "is to bind oneself to the wheel of _samsara_."

"Indeed, Yama," says Brahma. "Yama _-putra_ speaks the truth: it is the height of arrogance to impose our will upon beings with their own wills."

"It is too late," says Enma. "The Disaster will befall the earth; no one, not even I, can stop it. Make your peace with the matter, my son."

"Karmic retribution shall not be kind to you, Yama _-pitaa_ ," says Koenma. "I will take my leave." He bows to Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva; then leaves the audience chamber.

"Yama," says Brahma, "your past crimes against the _yokai_ of Japan have been exhaustively documented, and are a black mark against you. Do not forget this."

"Go," commands Shiva. "Do not let us hear of this matter again."

"As you wish, my lords," says Enma, bowing. He leaves the audience hall.

"That one is no longer fit to serve as Yama, the judge of the dead in this part of the world," says Vishnu. "It is time for the younger to take his place."

"He has lost sight of the purpose of _yokai_ ," adds Shiva. "The tiger rules the jungle, and mankind rules the city."

"No matter," says Brahma. "We are indeed powerless to halt the Crystal Disaster; it is irrelevant how it came to pass."

"What is to be done, then?" asks Kali.

"Yama the Elder must be punished," adds Indra. "If the gods continue to permit injustice, then we become unjust. Mankind will-rightly-renounce us utterly, and then chaos shall reign."

"We shall have only ourselves to blame," continues Parvati.

"The mortals-human and _yokai_ -must now determine their own fate. If they succeed, then Yama the Elder shall receive retribution according to his deeds," says Brahma. "If, however, the Crystal Disaster comes to pass: then it is meant to be."

The other Hindu deities nod in agreement.

* * *

Kuwabara pulls a drenched Koenma inside his house. "Koenma _-sama_!" he demands. "Why are you standing out in the rain?"

"It's not like I'll catch a cold or anything," says Koenma, his tone distant.

"Let me guess: there's so much damn paperwork for you back at the office," Kuwabara grins, handing the deity a towel to dry off, "that you want to kill yourself."

"You're right about the paperwork, anyway," says Koenma as he accepts the towel.

Kuwabara's smile grows bitter. "There will be even more when that Crystal Disaster hits," he says.

"Nope," says Koenma, returning the bitter smirk. "There won't be any paperwork. Anyone dead on the day of that disaster will have their souls summarily annihilated." Finished with drying himself off, Koenma hands Kuwabara back the towel.

"Any remnants of humanity won't stand for it, though," grins Kuwabara. "I happen to know some friends of Ami _-san_ who came from the future...as Crystal Tokyo's enemies."

"Are they connected to the Black Moon Clan?" asks Koenma.

Kuwabara nods.

"I met a fellow named Blue Sapphire-he had died during the present because of the Death Phantom; he and his cohorts are assisting the _shitennou_ with their plan to halt the Crystal Disaster," spits Koenma. "There are too many factions with too many plans," he continues, "and not a damned one will do any good!"

"It's just the way we are," says Kuwabara. "We don't want to die, or for our world to end, so we engage in futile measures."

"You don't seem to be yourself, Kuwabara," says Koenma, worried.

"I lost a part of myself," says Kuwabara quietly.

"Use your _reikan_ to find it again, then," says Koenma. "You were the only one to see the threat of this disaster to the _yokai_ ," he continues, "and you're the only one I know who can snatch victory from the jaws of defeat."

"What gives our lives in the present more meaning than the lives of people in the future?" asks Kuwabara.

"The future doesn't exist yet; the present does," says Koenma. "The timeline that the Black Moon Clan came from is likely the best possible scenario for Crystal Tokyo. It will only get worse."

Kuwabara studies Koenma.

"So, if you think that you can die in the belief that Ami will-after fending off the Black Moon Clan a second time-live in a peaceful world," continues Koenma, "then let me be the one to disabuse you. Ami will be despised, reviled as a dictator along with her friends. If we're all lucky," he adds, "the space-time continuum will look like Swiss cheese as different parties travel through time to set right what once went wrong."

"What would you have me do?" asks Kuwabara. "I am only one man."

"'As a rose is a flower among flowers, so is Kuwabara a man among men'," smirks Koenma.

"Now you're just being an ass," Kuwabara mutters.

"I invoke you to protect us all from the storm," says Koenma.

"And who protects _me_ , Koenma _-sama..._?" asks Kuwabara.

"I will!" spits Yusuke, scowling at Kuwabara. "Who else keeps your stupid ass alive!?"

"I don't know," sneers Kuwabara. "The same way I don't know how the fuck you got in my house."

"I came in your sister," grins Yusuke.

Kuwabara gives Yusuke a flat look.

"Quit being a smartass, Kuwabara," pouts Yusuke. "I got your sister to let me in through her window."

"I know," says Kuwabara. "That joke got old when Kirishima told it the first time."

Yusuke snorts at Kuwabara's reaction.

"Anyway, you're probably keeping me alive to eat me when I get old," continues Kuwabara.

"That's right, Kazuma," hisses Yusuke. "I think that's fair. By then you and Mizuno will have made lots of babies together."

"Ami _-san_ has cut her ties with me," says Kuwabara.

"I'll handcuff the bitch to your bed!" snarls Yusuke. "She'll put out for you sooner or later!"

"You'll respect her wishes!" counters Kuwabara. "Otherwise, I'll flay Keiko _-chan_ alive."

"Am I the only one here disturbed by your casual threats to kidnap and murder your girlfriends, gentlemen?" asks Koenma.

"I don't have a girlfriend anymore," says Kuwabara. "And if Urameshi threatens Ami _-san_ in any way, neither will he."

"If Keiko dies because of Mizuno, I'll kill and eat you both," says Yusuke. "Then you'll be together forever."

"Or until you take a good shit," spits Kuwabara. "How romantic."

"You'll nourish the earth and become a part of me," says Yusuke.

"What is it about a man becoming a _yokai_ that makes him psychotic?" asks Kuwabara, glaring at Yusuke.

"It ain't the fact that I'm a _yokai_ ," says Yusuke, "it's the fact that you're too fucking scared to be you!"

Kuwabara stares at Yusuke.

"You're the stupid bastard that made me look twice at that damned wake!" continues Yusuke. "Some of your damned energy kept me alive when I thought Suzaku had murdered me, and you know what your most contemptible sin was, Kuwabara Kazuma?" he asks.

Kuwabara continues to stare at Yusuke.

"You. Made. Me. Study," hisses Yusuke. "You think I wanted to spend my time as a ghost helping you keep science crap fixed inside your brain when you were letting gangs of sorry cock-suckers beat the shit out of you?" he demands, tears falling down his cheeks. "I did that crap because it meant something to you."

"You're not making any sense, man," says Kuwabara.

"You made me give a shit!" spits Yusuke, punching Kuwabara. "No way in hell am I going to let you act like you don't care what happens next."

"What am I supposed to do, Urameshi?" asks Kuwabara quietly. "I spent months trying to locate Lee _-chan's_ soul. I went to Hikawa Shrine every day."

"How far did you get?" asks Koenma, raising a hand to quiet Yusuke.

"I know Lee _-chan's_ soul was transformed," says Kuwabara, "and that it's somewhere out of reach of everyone. There's a guy standing in a pool of water he can't drink, next to a tree with ripe fruit that he can't eat. And another guy trying to shove a boulder up a hill, but he can never make it to the top."

"Damn," says Yusuke.

"The place is worse than hell," says Kuwabara. "Souls fight to the death there regularly. The guy in the water and the guy with the boulder are the luckier ones with light eternal torments."

"Tartarus," says Koenma. "You saw Tartarus, Kuwabara."

"Then let's go to Tartarus and get Lee's soul out of there," says Yusuke.

"Yusuke," says Koenma. "This isn't like when I sent you against that gang of four to get the Makai-ju Whistle..."

* * *

"Let me try, damn it!" spits Yusuke. "Technically, I'm dead as a human. You can sentence me there."

"Again: the answer is still 'no'!" says Koenma.

Toshitada walks in during the argument in Koenma's office.

"This is the first real lead we've had!" counters Yusuke.

"No! That's the end of it, Yusuke. I won't let anyone go there," says Koenma.

Botan and Ayame arrive with several other _shinigami_.

"Where have you forbidden Urameshi _-kun_ to go?" asks Toshitada.

Koenma ignores Toshitada's question. "Botan: you and the others escort Urameshi Yusuke out of here," he orders Botan.

"Yes, Koenma _-sama_ ," says Botan. She, Ayame, and the other _shinigami_ drag Yusuke out of Koenma's office.

"Koenma _-sama_ ," says Toshitada, "if Urameshi _-kun_ has learned information that can help us locate Lee's soul-the source of the-*"

"Toshitada," says Koenma, "I know you want to stop the Crystal Disaster, but there are a ton of jurisdictional issues-and that's the easiest part. The difficult part of the place where Lee's soul is situated," continues Koenma, "is that no soul sent there has ever returned."

"You speak of Tartarus," says Yelu.

"Thank you, Yelu," says Koenma ruefully.

"If that is where the infant is," says Genghis, "then I shall go to retrieve him."

"No, you shall not," counters Koenma. "Believe it or not, Genghis, your soul isn't evil enough for that place. Tartarus," continues the young god, "is a place for souls too wicked to reincarnate and too powerful to summarily destroy."

"Tartarus, the realm beyond hell," says Oda. "Where the most wicked of souls go to die...or the souls of those who defied the gods. That's the place for me."

"Sorry, Nobunaga," says Koenma. "Your soul is redeemable, and we could easily extinguish both you and Genghis."

"Tantalus and Sisyphus are both ordinary men like us," says Oda.

"Those two tried to rape goddesses," says Koenma flatly.

"Even I have heard tale of Zeus having his way with women," scoffs Genghis.

"That's why their punishments in Tartarus are light. Zeus isn't a complete hypocrite," says Koenma.

"Who would be a typical inmate in Tartarus?" asks Toshitada.

"Evil, wicked human souls too powerful to be destroyed all at once," says Koenma.

"That makes you gods seem rather weak, Koenma," says Oda.

"It's less like 'we're too weak to annihilate a soul' and more 'we want to avoid setting off a spiritual nuclear bomb'," says Koenma.

"Who would stand as an example of this evil and wicked soul?" asks Toshitada.

"That's...difficult to say," says Koenma. "Very few humans meet the criteria; technically, even Sisyphus and Tantalus don't. Most of the souls damned to Tartarus...belong there."

Two burly _shinigami_ enter Koenma's office. "We've secured the new arrival, sir," says one. "He's twisted and without remorse."

"What soul would require this degree of security?" wonders Toshitada.

"The kind of soul that meets the criteria for Tartarus," says Koenma. "Follow me," he says to Toshitada, Oda, and Genghis, "so that you three can see what evil in human form _truly_ looks like."

* * *

"Why are you drinking my _sake_ , Kouma!?" demands Yamanouchi. "I have killed men for less...damn it."

"It's actually quite refreshing; thank you, Yamanouchi _-dono_ ," says Toshitada, smiling.

Kuroda scowls. "What foolhardy scheme are you planning, Kouma _-kun_?" he asks.

"Yamanouchi _-dono_ : do you remember when you and Sasaki _-dono_ would tell me to go to hell?" Toshitada grins.

"Yes," says Sasaki, "and you're preparing yourself to die."

"Except you're already dead," adds Yamanouchi. "If your soul dies, you can't be reincarnated."

"My clan will live," says Toshitada, "as will you all, my _nakama_."

"Wait," says Shuu. "Where the hell are you headed?"

"I go to a place no one else can go, a place beyond hell, to find the soul of Fuan Yang Lee and return-or failing that," Toshitada continues, "to atone for all of my sins forever."

Yamanouchi's eyes widen.

"You're mad, Kouma _-kun_ ," says Kuroda, trembling.

"I don't understand," says Jun. "Where is Toshitada _-sempai_ headed?"

"He wants to go to Tartarus," says Seiji, grim.

"Don't be a bastard, Kouma!" spits Yamanouchi. "Not even Koenma's stupid enough to send you on a suicide mission like that!"

"I don't know what sins you think you've committed, Kouma _-kun_ ," adds Sasaki, "but nothing you've done merits your presence in Tartarus!"

"It is no worse than what Rin has suffered due to my negligence...no, my arrogance, Sasaki _-dono_ ," Toshitada says, regret in his eyes.

"Rin forgives you!" cries Jun. "She knows it was because of a crappy blood debt you'd made when you were just a kid."

"That wasn't the only reason. My intent at the time was simply to embarass Sasaki _-dono_ ," says Toshitada, his tone and expression almost child-like. "I...I didn't _think_...and Rin _-dono_ paid the price for my insolence."

"Rin survived," says Jun.

"What!?" say Toshitada, Sasaki, and Kuroda in unison.

"Don't get me wrong," says Jun, "that bastard who forced himself on her tried to burn her alive afterwards, but...someone named Jaken _-sensei_ had saved her from the flames."

"Jaken _-dono_... Why didn't she return...?" wonders Sasaki. "If not to me...then to Sesshoumaru _-sama_?"

Kuroda touches his chin. "As Sesshoumaru _-sama_ is a _yokai_ , and one of the few humans he truly had regard for was brutalized by other humans, he might regard humanity at large as beneath his notice," he says. "At least, I suspect that is Rin _-dono's_ reasoning."

Jun nods.

"Kouma _-kun_..." says Sasaki slowly, deliberately. "You can't go. I forbid it."

"If I were alive," says Toshitada, "then indeed, you have a proper claim on my life. But I'm already dead-*"

"And thus, your very _soul_ is mine!" spits Sasaki.

Toshitada sighs. "As a practical matter, Sasaki _-dono_ ," he says, "I'm the only one who can go to Tartarus...unless you want Koenma _-sama_ to proceed with his plan."

The _yoroishi_ and Jun stare at Toshitada.

Toshitada elaborates on Koenma's plan.

* * *

"Minako's a jackass," spits Rei, glowering.

"Why do you say that, Hino _-san_?" asks Kuwabara, bemused.

"She's telling me that I need to disregard my past vow to Selenity _-hime_ ," says Rei, "because of my bond with Kuroda _-kun_."

Kuwabara sighs. "To be fair to Aino _-san_ ," he says, "you two do want to fuck each other senseless."

Rei rolls her eyes.

"And of the five of you," Kuwabara continues, "you're the only virgin left. The last thing that Crystal Tokyo needs is a sexually-repressed woman ruling over it."

"You're equating me with Beryl?" fumes Rei.

Kuwabara shakes his head. "No," he says. "You're not stupid enough to kidnap Chiba for your needs-which would piss off Tsukino _-san_."

Rei gives Kuwabara a mirthless smile.

"I know. It fucking sucks to be psychic at times," continues Kuwabara. "You can't shut out all of the arcane shit that comes at you."

Rei pouts. "Stupid Usagi," she says, peeved. "She wants to save everyone."

"Impossible," says Kuwabara. "There's only Chibi-usa or mankind."

"Now," says Rei curtly. "Enma _-daiousama_ interfered with the third option."

"And that pissed off Tsukino _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, "which will eventually create a massive quantum Möbius loop-which will reach into the past and...look." Kuwabara gives Rei an exasperated, confused look as he continues. "Truthfully, only Hashiba's smart enough to figure it how it all works. I just know that it will-and part of it already has-happened."

Rei's eyes widen. "The...Moon Kingdom...?" she asks.

Kuwabara nods. "Unless someone can find a way to reason with Tsukino _-san_ in the future, all will end in entropy," he says. "Tsukino _-san_ will annihilate everything...in the name of justice."

"'Justice...'?" wonders Rei. "For whom?"

"For mankind, and for Chibi-usa," says Kuwabara. "In Tsukino _-san's_ mind: if the two aren't balanced on the scale of right and wrong, it all must go."

Rei trembles, glowering.

"Slapping her now will do no good," says Kuwabara, "and slapping her in any part of the future will be impossible. This aspect of Tsukino _-san_ is implacable and unreasonable."

"Nonsense," says Kuroda quietly as he approaches Rei and Kuwabara. "One must appeal to the other implacable and unreasonable part of Tsukino _-dono's_ nature: her compassion."

Rei's eyes brighten.

Kuwabara laughs, his tone harsh and brutal.

Kuroda scowls.

"That side of Tsukino _-san_...will get the shit kicked out of it," spits Kuwabara. "That is what I foresee," he continues, "and it's inevitable-no matter which path we choose."

"I reject the doctrine of inevitability," says Kuroda, calm. "If Tsukino _-dono_ truly believes in justice," he continues, "then I'm certain that her sense of justice can be convinced to allow matters to play out in the here and now."

"Then who is going to be the one to try to convince Tsukino _-san_?" asks Kuwabara.

"A complete and utter fool," says Kuroda, shrugging. He walks off.

Kuwabara stares at Rei. "What the fuck is he thinking?" he asks.

Rei sighs. "He's thinking about your _jigen tou_ ," she says.

"It's a _reiki-no-ken_ that can cut through dimensions," says Kuwabara. "I can slip through space with it," he adds, "but not through time: even though I know that time-mathematically-is a dimension..." Kuwabara's words trail off as he touches his chin, thinking.

"Don't mind Kuroda _-kun_ ," says Rei. "He's just being selfish."

Kuwabara looks into Rei's eyes. "He loves you," he says simply, "and you return his love. That's enough of a reason for Kuroda to fight, and to be a selfish ass."

Rei studies Kuwabara.

"I know for a fact that love is more chaotic," continues Kuwabara, "than chaos itself." With that, Kuwabara leaves Rei alone outside the temple at Hikawa Shrine.

Rei snorts. "Men and their riddles..." she mutters ruefully.

* * *

"Do you understand the terms of your plea agreement?" Koenma asks the bound soul.

"I do," says the soul, smiling. "How's my grandson?"

"I will leave that fellow be," says Koenma. "You've caused enough suffering and pain to fill over ten hours of the Chapter Black tape, Sensui Kazuya," he continues. "No wonder Shinobu had a personality named after you."

"Yet now you need me-an irredeemably-evil bastard-to carry water for you and clean your father's messes," sneers Kazuya. "May I place a reincarnation request?"

"That's presuming you succeed in your mission to retrieve the crystal seed from the depths of Tartarus," says Koenma coolly.

"I will," says Kazuya. "I want to be sired by that Kuwabara fellow, and I want my young granddaughter Ami to push me out."

 _I...want to puke. I can't believe I'm relying on scum like him,_ Koenma says to himself, narrowing his eyes at Kazuya. _But I can't endanger worthwhile souls with this kind of mission._

"Don't I have any kind of weapon?" asks Kazuya.

"Improvise," spits Koenma. "You'll have plenty of opportunities to kill when you reach Tartarus."

"Ah, a challenge, then," says Kazuya. "Kuwabara's soul is...open to suggestions. I think that's a perfect way for Ami _-chan_ to conceive me," he continues, laughing.

"You do not send a mad, twisted creature like that to retrieve my little one," scowls Genghis. "You burn him alive."

"He's from Sensui's clan, and thus, too powerful for me to cast into ten thousand years of flame," says Koenma.

"I don't think Tartarus will hold that man," says Oda. "Even now, he still wants to twist the knife."

"Dad's playing dirty!" spits Koenma. "That's the way this game has to be played." He leaves.

Oda drops to his knees, beginning to pray.

"Why are you, of all men, on your knees?" wonders Genghis.

"If there is a sane and competent deity in this afterlife," says Oda, "I am appealing to his judgment to save us all." Oda continues his prayer.

Kazuya walks to the portal to Tartarus, but is yanked away by a chain before he can enter.

Toshitada appears moments later with a bloody _kusarigama_ ; he takes off his outer robe, cleans off the sickle blade, then enters the portal.

"Did you see that?" Genghis asks Oda. "That fellow was killed."

"So, there is competence among the gods," says Oda with a grin as he stands. "Thank you."

"Surely you saw..." says Genghis, trailing off.

"I saw a just and righteous angel of death slay an evil soul with all of his might," says Oda with an intense look into Genghis' eyes.

"I would have," says Samael, recording the destruction of Sensui Kazuya's soul, "but some impetuous bastard beat me to it."

"Indeed," says Oda.

"Good," says Genghis.


	29. Elixir 22

**ELIXIR OF LIFE #22** : And what is your dream now?

byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

Ami stares at the apartment complex.

"It's such a nice place," she says as she walks through the complex, looking over a note. "I'll never understand our fear of the number four," she continues, noting the apartment door numbers start with "4".

Ami stops at her destination: apartment number 484. "Minako _-chan_ should work on her penmanship," she says, trying to decipher Minako's handwriting on the note. "'Kuwahara Isshin...?'" Ami shrugs and knocks on the door.

After a moment, a young, curly-haired man opens the door, yawning. "Mizuno _-san..._ " he murmurs, glancing at his watch. "You're so prompt."

Ami gapes at the man. "Y-you...?" she wonders, confused. She reads the note again.

"If you're a medical student named Mizuno Ami," says the man, yawning, "and you were checking out my apartment to see if we could be roommates, then yes: I'm the guy you need to speak with about the room and any rent."

"But...no," says Ami, her heart beating rapidly. "This clearly isn't the right place, Kuwabara _-san_ ," she adds, blushing slightly. "I'm looking for 'Kuwahara Isshin'."

Kuwabara takes the note and reads it. "Your roommate has shitty penmanship," he says, "though she wrote my name properly...in a sense. She just gave you the wrong reading for my name."

"To be fair," says Ami, sighing, "she was inebriated when she relayed the message to me...and upset that I broke the lease with her."

"Would you like to explain inside, Ami _-san_?" asks Kuwabara, grinning. He chuckles.

"You're a horrible tease, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami, pouting.

"You had dressed as a boy to spy on me once," quips Kuwabara, touching Ami's nose. "My friends didn't let me live it down for three years. This is my revenge, and your punishment for recognizing me so quickly."

"You're a memorable person, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami coolly.

Kuwabara smiles. "Please, come in," he says.

Ami rubs her arms, takes a deep breath, then enters the apartment.

* * *

"...and I'm ninety-eight percent certain that Minako _-san_ planned this," Ami spits. "Her motives are rather transparent."

"Is that so...?" says Kuwabara, bemused. "Because I really do need a roommate-the apartment itself is cheap, but the utility bills are fucking high."

"Her schemes are...irrelevant," says Ami. "The room is more than adequate, Kazuma _-san_."

"So. Shall we be roommates?" asks Kuwabara.

Ami touches her chin. "There's much for me to consider," she says after a moment. "Transit between here and school versus my old place..." Ami trails off as she and Kuwabara both hear a knock at the door.

"I'll get it," says Kuwabara, "though I'm starting to think there's substance to your hypothesis that Aino _-san_ planned this shit."

"Why is that?" asks Ami.

Kuwabara opens the door to reveal Minako, carrying a duffel bag; he then turns to Ami with a sardonic grin. "Wild guess," he says.

Ami slaps her forehead.

* * *

"...at any rate, Kuwabara _-kun_ , the matter is settled between myself and Ami _-san_ as far as I'm concerned," says Minako. "I just came here to bring the rest of her crap to her new place."

"Ami _-san_ didn't agree to-*" begins Kuwabara.

"You two take care, now," says Minako, leaving Kuwabara with the duffel bag and several garbage bags. She leaves the apartment complex and enters her car.

Minako drives on, entering the freeway. _If I leave matters up to Ami, she'd never let herself be happy. That won't fix things at all,_ she says to herself as she drives.

 _No,_ Minako continues musing, _if the world as we've known it will end, then we should go out on a high note..._

* * *

"...you shall not...be rid of me...so easily!" croaks Toshitada, stabbing his last attacker.

"You fight like a demon consumed with rage," says a condemned soul, "but your eyes are filled with light and purpose. You have no business here."

"My business is my own," counters Toshitada. "I've wandered this realm for what would be five years in the world of the living; I will not stop now, when I am close to my goal."

"We demand your soul, foolish one!" roars the leader of another horde of condemned warriors.

"I grow...amused at your master's futile efforts to stop me," smirks Toshitada.

"Master..!?" balks the leader, trying to mask his nervousness. "W-we have no-*"

"Silence!" thunders Toshitada. "I've been specifically targeted for two months now," he continues, "with my raiment stained red with the soul-blood of your fallen."

The warriors in the horde tremble as a mass, starting to back away slightly from Toshitada.

"End this folly," demands Toshitada, "and reveal the name of the one who stands between me and what I seek."

Deep, unholy laughter echoes throughout Tartarus.

Toshitada scowls. "Never mind," he says. "I know that fellow all too well..."

* * *

"How could you just let him go like that!?" Koenma spits at Oda.

"The alternative was allowing that maniac Kazuya to be reborn," says Oda. "Though Genghis and I are ruthless men, we are also practical and sane."

"I didn't want Toshitada to go to Tartarus for so many reasons!" shrieks Koenma.

"Name one, little god," says Genghis.

"One of Toshitada's...former employers is in Tartarus," says Koenma.

" _I_ am one of Kouma _-kun's_ former employers," counters Oda. "You said yourself that I'm either too weak or too decent a fellow to be sent there."

"I don't have to answer-*" begins Koenma.

"Arago," seethes Kenbukyo.

"Who the hell are you?" demands Oda, looking over Kenbukyo.

"I know of your clan, last scion of Taira," says Kenbukyo. "Know only that the one you call Kouma Toshitada had been seduced by a true creature of evil, who had conquered my protectorate, the Youjekai. That one-who I had known as Shutendouji, Masho no Oni," continues Kenbukyo, "escaped Arago's thrall. I, however, could not overcome Arago's strength; I had also proven weak against the scion of Sanada Yukimura and had no choice but to commit my blade to him, that he would finish the work I had begun."

"Why. Is Toshitada. In Tartarus!?" demands Koenma.

"To find my little one's soul," says Genghis.

"He can't fight Arago alone!" says Koenma.

"There is no reason," says Masamune, "for Kouma _-dono_ to be alone in this matter."

"I have wanted to prove my own skill for some time," grins Sasaki Kojirou.

"He's had practice," adds Miyamoto Musashi.

"Thank you, _sempai_ ," says Kojirou, bowing.

"Let us see if we are as strong as our children," says Sanada. Motonari and Masamune nod; Genghis draws his blade.

"Naturally, you bastards were chomping at the bit to kill things," mutters Koenma.

"You must forgive our foolhardy kindred," says Kuroda Yotsuro, "including the impetuous grandson I never met."

"To be fair," says Yamanouchi Naotohide, "you were brutally murdered before the troubled fellow was conceived. Let us handle this business regarding the dead for Naotoki and his comrades."

"My little brother and his friends have enough of a burden dealing with the matters of the living," adds Kojirou.

"Then let us prepare for trouble," says Musashi.

"Not without me, you sons of bitches!" says Yagyu Jubei. "I owe Kouma for protecting my Nasu _-chan_."

"I'd think that he was merely atoning for the fact that he'd thrown her and that boy Yamano _-kun_ into Mount Fuji as a feint to attack Ryo," says Sanada with a smirk.

"True," says Jubei, "but in all fairness, I would have done the same to a hostage to gain an advantage. That's not evil; that's just smart tactics."

The samurai nod at Jubei with understanding, as does Genghis.

"Why am I not surprised to learn how amoral you guys are?" says Koenma balefully.

"Do not leave without me, noble ones," says Toyotomi Hideyoshi. "It isn't presumptuous of me to think that your honored souls would not survive in that place without me."

Masamune sighs. "Yes; we must take Hashiba _-kun_ ," he says, using one of Toyotomi's prior names. "Remember that he slew Akechi _-dono_ within a week of Oda _-sama's_ death."

"To continue Oda _-sama's_ work to unite Japan," says Toyotomi, "and further my own ambitions."

"What say you about that pitiful invasion of Korea?" grins Tokugawa Ieyasu.

Toyotomi pouts at Tokugawa. "Shut up, oh ye who has many names," he mutters.

"Indeed: we all have name changes," says Oda, "but I can't even recall what his original name was when he came of age-and I was there when my father kidnapped him."

Koenma sighs. "I suppose that sending the kinsmen of the _yoroishi_ to assist Toshitada is necessary. Jubei and Musashi have the skill to survive Tartarus as well," he says.

"As if we'd let you deny us the opportunity," says Jubei.

Koenma rolls his eyes. "But I'll be damned if I'm going to let Nobunaga and Tokugawa get themselves killed," he spits.

"I am not such a fool as that," grins Oda. "That's why I summoned that damned monkey," he adds, pointing at Toyotomi.

"Oda _-sama_ has taught me," says Toyotomi with a terse smile, "not to let my emotions rule me."

"Let's go, shall we?" says Masamune. The group enters the gate to Tartarus.

* * *

" _...okaasan_ ," groans Yamanouchi, sick with a hangover, "that was my prarie oyster."

"I like eggs," grins his mother, Nagai, cheerfully as she prepares scrambled eggs.

Seiji enters the kitchen, having smelled the eggs. "At least someone in your family is willing to work," he says, noting the clean kitchen.

"I never understood why Naotohide _-dono_ insisted on servants performing such simple tasks," says Nagai.

Yamanouchi grins as Seiji tastes the eggs.

Seiji winces; the eggs...were not prepared well.

"It's true that samurai don't work," says Yamanouchi. "But in our case, it was because _okaasan_ can't cook-and we value our lives."

"Then why did he marry her?" balks Touma.

Shuu struggles to avoid staring at Nagai's chest.

"She clearly has other charms to recommend her as a bride," says Yamanouchi. "It's not _okaasan's_ fault that she's occasionally homesick," he adds, eating some eggs. "Her eggs are edible enough."

"They're seasoned with unpalatable Makai spices, I take it," says Sasaki.

"They're harmless to humans," says Nagai, "though I admit that they're an acquired taste."

"Yamanouchi _-san_ will eat almost anything," says Shin.

Shuu eats some eggs. "They could use some salt," he says, sprinkling a bit of salt and pepper onto his plate of eggs, "but they're not bad to me."

"You, Shuu my friend, have an iron stomach to match your Gantessai," says Seiji. Abruptly, he leaves the kitchen, a green tinge to his skin.

"What brings you here, _okaasan_?" asks Yamanouchi. "I don't have any money to spare."

"None of that, Naotoki _-chan_ ; I am well," says Nagai. "I brought this for your friend's scry glass." She presents an antenna.

"It's called a television, _okaasan_ ," says Yamanouchi, rolling his eyes as he attaches the antenna.

"Ah. But Koenma _-chan_ gave that to me," says Nagai. "He said you'd want to see to your ancestors."

Touma's eyes widen. "Turn on the TV," he orders.

Yamanouchi complies, noting Naotohide cutting through an opponent. "Is this some kind of historical channel?" he wonders.

"No," says Touma. "It's a live feed from wherever your dad is."

"That's a relief," grins Sasaki. "I would think such a channel to be overly-thorough and dull if Kouma _-kun_ were featured in any way."

"Only you would consider that business dull," balks Ryo as he notes Toshitada slicing through an enemy with his _kusarigama's_ sickle.

Yamanouchi grins. "So the bastard survived long enough for my father to save his ass," he says.

"Not just him," adds Touma. "It looks like all of our families wanted in on the action," he continues. "Check out Hideyoshi _-oyaji_ showing his stuff."

Seiji enters the den and notes the group watching television. "...am I seeing things," he asks, "or is that Masamune _-sama_ in Tartarus?"

"It's no mistake," says Sasaki. "Watch, Date _-san_ : as Kojirou _-oniisama_ lays that fellow low!"

Kojirou dispatches another enemy who tried to attack Masamune from behind.

"Who is that fellow fighting back to back with Genghis _-dono_?" wonders Kuroda. "He looks familiar."

"That would be your honored grandfather," says Sasaki.

"He fights well," says Kuroda.

"I wonder if your grandpa and Genghis knew we were trying to kick each other's asses over ten years ago," grins Shuu.

"If by that, Fuan _-kun_ , you mean that you were happily blundering into my carefully-crafted traps," smirks Kuroda, "then I suppose so."

"Enough of this, Arago!" demands Toshitada to an unseen foe on the screen.

"We want to kill you, you miserable old bastard," adds Jubei, "for preying on the minds of inexperienced young men."

"Jubei _-sama..._?" wonders Yamanouchi.

"There's not much to me," says Nasuti, "but my ancestor was someone of note."

"Your ancestor is the star of _**Ninja Scroll**_ ," says Ryo. "Still, I don't think he was as skilled in real..." Ryo trails off as he watches Jubei and Sanada drive off ten warriors while charging after Arago.

"Instead of gaping in awe, gentlemen," says Touma, pulling out his _yoroi_ bead, "we should lend our relatives a hand against Arago."

The other _yoroishi_ nod as they follow Touma's lead; the eight point the beads toward the television.

* * *

"We have each done our best to return your armor to you, Arago _-dono_ ," says Masamune. "Why won't you accept defeat with dignity?"

"As long as evil...thrives in the human heart," says Arago, trembling, "I...shall live on..."

"So," grins Genghis. "You are a tenacious old bastard."

"What did Enma _-daiousama_ promise you in exchange for being an obstacle in our path?" asks Toyotomi.

"He promised...to restore Youjekai...and my armor to me," groans Arago.

"Kouma _-dono_ ," says Kojirou, "you know this opponent. How do we deliver the killing blow?"

"Unfortunately," says Toshitada, "all of my elder kinsmen have been reincarnated, and cannot strike Arago with the power of the Yoroi no Oni."

"That is where you're mistaken, my son," says Kouma Tamaki, raising his index finger.

"Our clans didn't spend centuries planning your rebirth to have this hideous suit of armor stand in our way!" add Hitachiin Hikari and Hitachiin Kaworu in unison.

"Move out of Toshi _-chan's_ way!" demands Haninozuka Mitsuteru.

"Aa," adds Morinozuka Tadamitsu.

Arago roars at the motley crew of new arrivals.

Toshitada shakes his head, befuddled. "How...did they even...?" he wonders.

"We had centuries of wealth, prestige, and an inordinate amount of free time to conduct the necessary preparations and research, Toshitada _-kun_ ," answers Ohtori Kyomaru, adjusting his pince-nez.

"I should know better than to expect a rational answer from any of you," mutters Toshitada. "Have the lot of you given any thought to your current incarnations?"

"Yes," says Kyomaru. "If we don't defeat this obnoxious fellow and locate the crystal seed you seek, then revert it to the soul of that gentleman's infant descendant," he continues, pointing to Genghis, "then the matter of their lives will be moot."

"You take this matter far too casually, Ohtori _-sama_ ," says Toshitada balefully.

"Not so, Toshitada _-kun_ ," says Kyomaru. "Of our group, only Morinozuka _-sama_ and Haninozuka _-sama_ can be counted on to fight competently."

"...and since the _yoroi_ reacts to blood kinship," says Toshitada, "only _otousama_ can wield the Yoroi no Oni."

"Where is the vagrant!?" demands Tamaki, wearing the Yoroi no Oni's helmet backwards.

"The Kouma clan is noted for many things," sighs Toshitada, "but combat prowess has not been one of them."

"How did these families survive our era?" wonders Toyotomi.

"Wealth has distinctive powers of preservation," says Masamune, "though in the case of Tamaki _-dono_ ," he continues as Tamaki rights the Yoroi no Oni's helmet and glares at Arago, "that wealth was combined with great determination."

"Indeed," says Naotohide. "Kouma the Younger came by his stubbornness honestly."

"Kouma _-kun's_ common sense is clearly a gift from the Fujioka clan, though," says Toyotomi, stroking his chin.

"You have a plan, I take it?" says Yotsuro with a small smile.

"Of course I do," says Toyotomi confidently, knocking Tamaki unconscious, then beckoning to Toshitada. "It's not particularly elegant, but it is effective."

Toshitada studies his prone father, then sighs. "It is for the best, _otousama_ ," he says.

* * *

 _I can't stay here,_ says Ami to herself, glancing over at Kuwabara, reclining on the couch. _It's...unsafe,_ Ami continues, blushing.

"Am I a scary guy, Ami _-san_?" Kuwabara asks, a meaningful look in his eyes.

"I suppose you are, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami. "Only because of what you represent."

Eikichi yowls.

"To him I represent his primary source of food," Kuwabara grins, nodding towards the cat.

"You're reckless..." says Ami.

"...I know," says Kuwabara.

"I...like it," continues Ami, trembling. "That part of you..."

"Then why can't we be reckless together?" asks Kuwabara.

Ami stiffens, turning towards the door. "Because I can't _keep_ you, Kazuma _-san_ ," she says. She moves to the door and opens it.

Kuwabara sits up. "Ami _-san_ ," he says.

Ami studies Kuwabara.

"You said once that I'm a graceful loser," continues Kuwabara. "It was during an argument, so it stuck with me: because that's true."

Ami touches her chin.

"The reason for that though, is that I lose so fucking often," says Kuwabara, wearing a bitter smirk, "that I don't know what to do when I win."

"Berthier tells me that you're a sore winner," says Ami.

"I guess that makes up for it," says Kuwabara. "After all," he adds, "I also hate to lose."

"What happens when there's a sore loser and a sore winner in the same room?" asks Ami.

"A couple of sore bodies," says Kuwabara, "but then...we both know that," he continues with a sly smile.

"That's the theory based on the facts at hand, anyway," says Ami. She leaves.

"That woman has a way with words," Kuwabara says to Eikichi.

Eikichi mews.

* * *

"A knight and his lady," says Koan.

"Don't you mean 'a samurai', little sister?" teases Berthier.

"Younger and lovelier: yes, I'll accept that," Koan responds in kind.

They, Calaveras, and Petz all laugh a moment.

"Do we throw our lot back in with Rubeus?" asks Petz after the laughter subsides.

"Let's not call it that," says Koan, frowning. "Let's just remember what we were fighting for in the first place."

"Before the Death Phantom-that Wiseman-mucked with everything Diamond _-sama_ sought to accomplish," adds Calaveras.

"Then we have to set Ami _-san_ free, to be with her true love," says Berthier, studying a black crystal.

"Damn right!" says Calaveras. "No way does that silly rabbit have more courage than us."

"That one," counters Petz, "will lose the most for fighting fate."

"Then let us, the Black Moon Clan, reunite," says the ghost of Diamond, drawing a rapier, "to honor Selenity _-sama's_ sacrifice."

The other lieutenants of the Black Moon Clan: Blue Sapphire, Crimson Rubeus, and Green Esmeraude; appear before the Ayakashi Sisters.

"Why would you even involve yourself, Rubeus?" asks Koan.

"The rest of you have noble motives," says Rubeus. "I just want to beat the shit out of Kuwabara. That fellow annoyed me the last time I was here."

"That won't be as easy as you think," scoffs Kunzite, dressed as Saitou. "Even dead, I seem to recall him beating you."

Rubeus snorts. "Your so-called gang was worthless, too," he sneers.

Kunzite sighs. "You can drive jackasses to water, but you can't make them drink," he says. "Still, your past performance was pathetic."

"That durable bastard didn't even flinch from my physical attacks," scowls Rubeus, "and I couldn't use my true power because I had to keep a low profile."

"I can't believe that I got myself frozen for such a whiny man," mutters Koan.

"Ah, love is truly blind, little sister," says Calaveras.

"Are you four sure you want to do this?" asks Sapphire. "If we succeed in our plan, we-the entire future-will cease to exist."

"We had never liked our world," says Petz. "That's why we became criminals, enemies of the state: why we were exiled to Nemesis."

"We choose to die, here and now, in the world and time where we truly became alive," adds Koan.

Berthier and Calaveras nod in agreement with the other Ayakashi Sisters.

"Then let's follow the plan that Nephrite and I mapped out precisely," grins Umino.

* * *

Kuwabara arrives at the warehouse, then looks at his note. "Naru _-san_ must be mistaken," he says, looking over the warehouse. "Saitou _-sempai's_ old place is condemned. Even the gangs in this area stopped coming around."

A wooden HELP WANTED sign falls off the door; Kuwabara picks it up and reads it. He sighs. "Someone went to a lot of trouble to set me up," he says, opening the door, "so why the fuck should I disappoint them?"

Kuwabara enters the warehouse.

A figure sits on an old makeshift throne, chuckling.

Kuwabara snickers. "I would say, 'Okubo, that's the worst Saitou impersonation you've ever done', but I'm not a complete idiot...Saitou _-sempai_ ," he says.

Okubo, wearing Saitou's hat, grins. "I've always maintained that you were a cut above the trash residing here," he says.

"Seriously, Kunzite _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, "get out of Okubo. Surely even as a ghost, you can fight me without using someone you dislike as a meat costume."

"We wanted to give you a fighting chance," sneers Kirishima, sniffing a pink rose, "Kazuma _-chan_."

"We won't let you say that we overwhelmed you," adds Sawamura.

"Wait," says Kuwabara. "Where's that asshole Nephrite?"

"I'm right here," says Umino confidently in his Tochiro costume.

Kuwabara laughs at Umino. "Okay: Okubo, Kirishima, and Sawamura I understand," he says as the laughter subsides, "but why would anybody possess _him_?"

"You may consider them all...a handicap," sneers Okubo as he rises from the throne, "especially in the case of myself maneuvering in the body of this lard-ass."

Naru appears, wearing an Emeraldas costume and carrying a green feathered fan; alongside the Ayakashi Sisters, Yanagisawa, Mitarai, and Kaitoh.

"Now I'm just fucking outnumbered," says Kuwabara. "May I ask you all why I'm getting the shit beaten out of me?"

"It's a tactic you're familiar with, Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Kaitoh as he sits in the throne.

Kuwabara stares at Kaitoh.

"Don't worry," Kaitoh continues, crossing his legs. "I won't invoke Kaitoh's territorial ability."

"Good; because I don't feel like watching my language," spits Kuwabara. "I won't fall easily."

"We know that from experience, you block of muscle," says Umino. "Don't we, Rubeus _-kun_?"

"Indeed. I don't have to hold back my strength this time," says Yanagisawa.

"That's a relief," says Kuwabara. "With Yanagisawa's body, Rubeus _-chan_ , you could actually put up a decent fight."

The group charges after Kuwabara.

* * *

Fifteen minutes pass. Naru and the Ayakashi Sisters are pinned to the walls by Kuwabara's _rei shuriken_.

Kuwabara, tired, punches out Mitarai, then turns his attention to Umino. "Looks like all I have to do is actually beat your ass," he says. "I'm just sorry I have to go through Umino to do it."

"Don't hold back on his account," says Umino, removing his glasses and Tochiro costume to reveal his Captain Harlock costume. "We're all through toying with you," he adds, summoning an energy sword.

Kuwabara sighs, using his _jigen tou_ to dodge Umino's charge and an energy blast.

"I'm disappointed in you, Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Umino. "Situational tactics is your strongest suit."

Kuwabara emerges from a dimensional pocket to swipe at Umino with the _jigen tou_ , but Umino parries it with his sword.

"And you should have taken me up on those _kendo_ lessons I had offered you," Umino adds.

"Shut the fuck up with your advice, asshole," snarls Kuwabara, flaring the _jigen tou_ and pushing Umino back. He slides back into a dimensional pocket.

Umino sighs. "Ah, _**Arcadia of My Youth**_ , Yamato-takeru: I call forth Cygnus the Swan!" he declares.

"Unite our power!" add the other subdued fighters, contributing their energy to Umino's attack.

Kuwabara slips out of his dimensional pocket, noting something unusual in the sky. "Is that...the _**Yamato**_...?" he asks.

Umino nods. "The _**Space Battleship Yamato**_ ," he says.

Kuwabara scowls.

"Interdimensional Wave Motion Gun: engage!" shout the group in unison.

The _**Yamato**_ fires from multiple dimensional angles, each massive beam of combined energy hitting Kuwabara directly.

Kuwabara collapses in a heap...

...just as Ami arrives, one moment too late.

* * *

The Ayakashi Sisters, Okubo, Kirishima, Sawamura, Naru, Mitarai, Yanagisawa, and Kaitoh all look on as Ami frantically tries to revive Kuwabara, whose life begins to slip away.

"K-kazuma... _san_...?" asks Ami, trembling.

Kuwabara fails to stir.

"Kazuma!" Ami shrieks.

"Let him go," says Berthier. "It's okay if he dies now."

Ami gives Berthier a dazed look of bewildered grief.

"Give her the facts in black and white," says Umino, looking for his glasses. "Now where'd that bastard Nephrite put them...?" he mutters.

Naru hands Ami a folder.

Ami accepts the folder. "What's this...?" she asks.

"A partial casualty list, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Kaitoh. "Please note the date."

"'December 31, 1999...'" Ami gasps. "That's the day..."

"The day we all get fucked over by crystals, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Sawamura. "But that's not the worst part."

"Oh, no," adds Kirishima. "Everyone on the entire casualty list will have their souls destroyed, so they can't even be reincarnated."

"And we know how much you love Kuwabara _-kun_ ," says Koan. "We figured you wanted the chance to see him again, so..."

"Notice who's name isn't on the list?" says Okubo, cold.

"...Kazuma _-san's_ ," says Ami. "Your logic..."

"Since Kuwabara's dead now, before the Crystal Disaster," says Umino, still searching for his glasses, "he'll be reincarnated."

"Your logic, Umino _-kun_ ," says Ami, crushing Umino's glasses with her foot, "is flawed." She delivers a savage kick to Umino, sending him flying.

Naru runs over to Umino, frightened. Umino slips out of consciousness.

"Honestly," spits Ami, crying. "What makes any of you think I wanted him to die at all!?"

"Grab _ojou-sama_ before she really gets riled up," hisses Sawamura.

"Yeah," adds Kirishima. "I think we overdid it..."

"If we die now, though," grins Sawamura nervously as Ami approaches the pair, "at least we'll be reincarnated."

"I think Saitou and his cronies just ditched us so that she could beat the shit out of us," says Kirishima.

Yanagisawa starts to touch Ami to use his territorial ability, but Ami dodges the tall man, then kicks him on the chin, knocking Yanagisawa to the ground.

"We can't fight her," says Mitarai. "Even if I switch on my territory, she'll just freeze it."

The remaining group look towards the Ayakashi Sisters.

"We're burned out of power," says Berthier.

"The crystals we had were a one-shot deal," adds Calaveras.

"Maybe you shouldn't have wasted it all on Kuwabara _-san_ ," says Kirishima. "Mizuno _-san_ is pissed."

Okubo stands in front of the group. "That's the point," he says.

"Your goal...was to anger me...?" asks Ami, staring at Okubo.

"Yeah," says Okubo, shrugging.

"You...willingly conspired with them," Ami trembles, enraged, "and killed Kazuma _-san_...? To make me angry!?"

Okubo chuckles. "You two truly are suited to each other," he says. "I didn't want to see that."

"He was your friend!" shrieks Ami, punching Okubo with a right cross.

Okubo staggers, clutching his jaw, but remains on his feet. "I deserve that. Beat me up. Beat the shit out of all of us, if you want," he says.

Ami narrows her eyes at Okubo.

"One thing has always bugged me about you and Kuwabara _-san_ , though," continues Okubo. "You two will fight tooth and nail to save others," he says. "You'll endure all kinds of shit to protect others, but when it comes to what you want for yourselves, you won't put up a damn fight at all!"

Ami's eyes widen.

"Oh, you could kill all of us rather easily, Mizuno _-san_ ," continues Okubo. "We're no longer possessed by asshole demigods."

"But you're going to argue that I shouldn't," says Ami.

"I'm going to argue that we wouldn't be dealing with this shit," says Okubo, "if it wasn't for Enma _-daiousama_ creating the Crystal Disaster in the first place."

"Are any of you cognizant of the principle of ontological inertia?" asks Ami.

"Mitarai _-kun_ and I are familiar with it, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Kaitoh.

"Then, for those who don't understand it: even if we all banded together and killed the miserable bastard for what he's done," seethes Ami, dropping to her knees and stroking Kuwabara's forehead, "the Crystal Disaster will not magically disappear."

"Maybe not," says Shuu, entering the warehouse with the other _yoroishi_ , Makoto, Minako, Rei, Mamoru, and Usagi. "But at least he wouldn't live to lord over our lives."

"We know where Lee _-chan's_ soul is, Ami," says Makoto.

"Of course, you've known that for five years," adds Rei wryly.

"We could have contacted our ancestors five years ago," says Touma, "and saved a friend of ours a shitload of trouble."

"Let's presume that somehow, we retrieve Lee _-chan's_ soul and restore it," says Ami. "What happens to certain souls in the future?"

"We're prepared to face nonexistence if it comes to that," says Petz. "If you want to kill us now, that's also understandable."

"We'll exact a heavy price from Enma for everyone who dies because of this," says Mamoru.

"How does that justify Chibi-usa _-chan's_ death?" Ami demands.

Usagi slaps Ami. "It doesn't," she says. "In spite of that, I won't let you give up your life."

"Usagi...?" says Ami, touching her cheek.

"Everything I've ever done, every time I've fought," continues Usagi hotly, "I did it to give everyone back their lives and dreams."

"And what about your dreams, Usagi?" demands Ami.

"My dreams," says Usagi, "have already come true."

"What if I kill Mamoru?" asks Ami darkly. "What then?"

"You won't," says Mamoru. "Because I know any attempt on your part is a veiled wish for me to send you to Kuwabara's side, and I'll be happy to grant it."

Ami smirks.

"Nothing will take me from Usagi's side," Mamoru continues. "Not death. Not Usagi's own wishes. Not even _myself_ ," he adds with a grin.

"That...doesn't change the facts," says Ami. "Kazuma...Kazuma _-san_ is..."

"Possibly," says Yusuke.

* * *

"When did you get here, Urameshi?" demands Okubo.

"I followed your dumbass of a boss here when Osaka gave him the job lead," says Yusuke. "Since that asshole Saitou-or, as some people in this room know him, Kunzite-had the run of this place, I figured on it being a setup."

"Why didn't you save him?" asks Ami, "if you were there from the beginning, Urameshi _-kun_?"

Yusuke rolls his eyes. "Because Kuwabara should have had that fight under control," he scoffs. "He underestimated Umino and got careless."

"Actually, he underestimated Nephrite," says Kaitoh, "though to be fair, Kuwabara _-kun_ didn't know that we had his Reikai file to work with as part of our strategy."

"Doesn't matter," says Yusuke. "Kuwabara should have figured that the _shitennou_ would have tried to do to him what he did to Toguro _-ani_ during the Dark Tournament. He didn't fight properly, and he paid the price."

"That sounds...like Genkai _-shihan_ ," says Ami.

"The old bitch is dead," grins Yusuke. "I, her disciple and successor, should sound like her after all the times she's beaten her principles into me."

"I have the feeling that Urameshi means this literally," whispers Kirishima.

"A little old lady beat up Urameshi?" wonders Sawamura, glancing at Genkai's file.

"If you continue reading that file," says Rei, "you'll discover that Genkai _-shihan_ , even with diminished power, was able to fight off Beryl."

"Those men that possessed you three and Umino _-kun_?" adds Ami. "They worked under Beryl."

Kirishima whistles.

"I take it you had to fight these bastards on a regular basis, Mizuno _-san_ ," says Sawamura.

"That must have really cut into your studies," adds Okubo, smiling.

Ami trembles.

Yusuke touches Ami's chin. "If this stubborn bastard is actually dead," he says to Ami, "he's probably looking down at us right now. He's mostly looking at you, though."

"Me...?" wonders Ami.

"Kuwabara's return will depend on you, Mizuno Ami," says Yusuke. "He won't bust his ass in the afterlife to return to you unless he knows you want him back."

* * *

"Urameshi, you stupid bastard," spits Kuwabara, in Reikai with Genkai and Botan. "You really should stop talking out of your ass."

"Are you going to go back to Mizuno _-san_ without any preconditions?" wonders Genkai.

"Ami _-san_ is my friend," says Kuwabara, "and she'll be lonely without me. That's enough of a reason to return. That, and punching Urameshi in the face just once," he adds with a grin.

"Then why are you here at all?" asks Botan. "You weren't scheduled to die from that attack today."

"Because," says Kuwabara as Yelu approaches him, "I want Enma _-daiousama_ to lose completely." He leaves Reikai's lobby with Yelu...

...just as Koenma enters. "Was that Kuwabara?" he demands.

Botan nods.

"What is he doing here _now_!?" sputters Koenma. "The _shitennou_ and the Black Moon Clan didn't use lethal force; Kuwabara should have survived that attack," Koenma continues. "Hell-he's survived worse."

"If you know that, Koenma," says Genkai, "then why do you think he's dead at all?"

"Kuwabara's body is on Earth, but his soul is here?" says Koenma sardonically. "Unless Kuwabara became a _yokai_ at some point," he continues, not even he should be able to do that."

"We humans are annoying enough to stretch ourselves past our limits," says Genkai. "May I please help those stupid men in Tartarus finish off my ancestor?"

"No," says Koenma. "You have a preliminary Judgment Hall hearing."

"I had died five years ago," says Genkai.

"I know," grins Koenma. "That fast-track system is working beautifully."

* * *

Kuwabara and Yelu arrive at the Causality Chamber.

Kuwabara reads the sign on the door. "'Authorized Personnel Only', Yelu _-ojiisan_ ," he grins. "I don't think we fit the bill."

"Honored Kuwabara," says Yelu. "One must not think, but must act based on the facts at hand. And the fact remains," he continues, pulling out a security key card, "that if one has a key, then one is authorized to enter a place." Yelu hands Kuwabara the key card and leaves.

 _Ah, Yelu-ojiisan is a sneaky bastard,_ Kuwabara muses, swiping the key card.

The door to the Causality Chamber opens. Kuwabara grins, then enters the Chamber.

Morpheus notes Kuwabara, then sighs. "Another mortal's scheme," he says, bored. "I should have stayed home."

"I'm just sewing all of these patches up," says Kuwabara, noting the massive television screens, "with the red string of fate."

"And what makes you think your plan will succeed?" says Morpheus.

"Because I'm asleep," smiles Kuwabara. "When I'm sleeping, I dream."

Morpheus stares at Kuwabara, perplexed.

"My dreams," continues Kuwabara, "become reality."

"And what is your dream now?" asks Morpheus.

Kuwabara smirks. "To win," he says. With that, Kuwabara walks into a massive mirror.

Morpheus grins. "Win or lose," he muses aloud, "this mortal ought to be fine entertainment."

* * *

Ami studies Kuwabara's body, confused.

"Are you waiting for _rigor mortis_ to set in, Mizuno _-san_?" asks Kaitoh. "It is unusual that it hasn't happened yet."

"His skin is still so warm," says Ami, "but otherwise..."

"Maybe he's not dead after all," says Sawamura. "You know how sick Kuwabara _-san_ could be about his death-faking practical jokes."

"Or he could simply be out of body," adds Okubo, "like when his mom died. Everyone thought Kuwabara _-san_ had died during her funeral." 

"Does it involve Kuwabara's spirit leaving his body and annoying other people?" asks Yusuke, scowling.

Ami's eyes widen, shining with tears. "Kazuma _-san_...has such beautiful dreams," she whispers faintly, turning to face Usagi, Makoto, Rei, and Minako.

Usagi nods with understanding, tears falling down her face. Rei giggles, high-fiving Makoto, while Minako grins stupidly.

The rest of the people in the warehouse stare at the five women, flabbergasted at their apparent hysteria.

* * *

Shigure smiles as he attaches an intravenous line to Kuwabara, still unconscious, at Kuwabara's apartment. "A pity that I never got the chance to fight him," he says. "Kuwabara must have an interesting story in his life."

"The interesting story is his life," says Ami, stroking Kuwabara's cheek.

Jin grins. "I still remember him defeating Rishou," he says. "The poor fellow was damn near dead, but one peep out of that little _yuki-onna_ ," Jin continues, nodding his head towards Yukina, "and he got a second wind."

Yusuke nods. "Yeah; the dumbass will be there for you when it counts the most," he says.

"As weak as he is," adds Hiei, "Kuwabara is still worth something. We won't let Enma dispose of him."

Kurama studies Kuwabara. "It's like before..." he muses.

Rei nods, grinning. "Only this time, we won't have to fight him."

"Or evacuate Tokyo," adds Makoto.

"Though I don't think that Ami was fighting very hard," says Minako, a teasing glint in her eyes.

Ami pouts.

Yukina places a hand on Ami's arm. "Ami _-san_ ," she says, giving Ami a meaningful look. "Let's step out on the balcony."

Ami stares at Yukina, then nods and follows Yukina to the back balcony.

"I'll keep an eye on Kuwabara," says Yusuke. "The rest of you leave."

The other onlookers leave Kuwabara's apartment through the front door.

Yusuke scowls at Kuwabara, unconscious.

Keiko, remaining, grins at Yusuke. "I guess now you know how it feels," she says wryly.

"Kuwabara's being a bastard," says Yusuke, returning the grin. "I swore a long time ago that nothing short of time was going to kill him."

"Don't you think that's out of your control?" says Keiko.

"Fuck that," says Yusuke. "After all the crap Koenma's put me through, he owes me a few favors. I ain't letting two of the three most important people in my life die stupidly," he adds, looking into Keiko's eyes.

"I suppose that I don't matter that much anymore," says Keiko.

"You won't die, either," says Yusuke, serious. "We've been friends for too long for me to let that happen."

Keiko stares at Yusuke.

"We'll fight Enma and beat him," Yusuke continues.

* * *

"Why are you staring at me?" Ami asks Yukina.

"Because," says Yukina, "I find humans perplexing, Ami _-san_."

Ami blinks at Yukina.

"Why did Kazuma _-san_ ever confuse his infatuation with me for the love he has for you?" Yukina continues.

"I don't think Kazuma _-san_ was confused," says Ami, glaring at Yukina. "Even now, he adores you."

"Years ago, I made it clear to him that our feelings are uneven. Kazuma _-san_ ," continues Yukina, "is not the child he once was."

"True," says Ami, "but he's still as exasperating as ever, making me worry. Even when I shouldn't worry," she continues. "Even when I'm trying to push him away." 

"You are his dearest one, Ami _-san_ ," says Yukina, smiling.

"What...does he see in me...?" wonders Ami.

"Only Kazuma _-san_ can answer that," says Yukina. "In order for him to tell you," she continues, "you'll have to quit pushing him away." Yukina hands Ami a book and leaves the balcony.

Ami looks at the book a moment, then opens it.

* * *

"Tsukino _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, gazing into the pitch-black center of a formless, starless void.

A girl with silver hair in an _odango_ style, wearing a Sarayashiki Middle uniform, emerges from the void; she glares at Kuwabara.

Kuwabara gives the girl a wry grin. "As you're pulling from my memories, Tsukino _-san_ ," he says, "I take it that you want to challenge me to _janken_. Except that you're well-aware-if you're pulling from my memories-that you will lose just as badly as that stupid bitch did."

The girl frowns.

"To be fair," continues Kuwabara, "you would accept defeat with far greater dignity and grace."

"There must be balance," says the girl, speaking in Usagi's voice, albeit distorted.

"Then let us find it," says Kuwabara. "Let those of us in the time before the Disaster," he continues, "figure it out for ourselves."

"What of Chibi-usa...?" demands the girl.

"Tsukino _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, grave. "Do you believe in justice?"

The girl stares at Kuwabara.

"If my goal were to stop you from ending all that is," continues Kuwabara, "then I would have ended you. However," he adds, "that would only make things worse: there would be no justice in that."

"What makes you say that?" asks the girl.

"Tsukino _-san_ : you're not like Aoyama-a despicable excuse for a woman," says Kuwabara, "nor are you anything like Sensui-a jackass coping poorly with his psychotic break in the face of reality at its ugliest. You're simply a good person who's been through hell. Thus," he continues, "I have to let you be: in the name of justice."

"Then what do you want from me?" asks the girl.

"Please," says Kuwabara, "just give us time. Until January 1, 2000: at midnight."

"Until the Disaster happens," muses the girl.

"Give us-we humans, the _yokai_ , and the gods-until then to fix what happened: and to find a way to balance this with Chibi-usa's life," says Kuwabara. "If we fail at this," he continues, "then we all deserve to be damned. Do we have an agreement?"

The girl's eyes glow white...

* * *

Kuwabara, in a hospital bed at his apartment, stirs.

"...what I sensed in my dream, Mizuno!" says Yusuke. "You've got to do it to bring him back, or he'll die for sure."

"I'm not an idiot, Urameshi _-kun_ ," spits Ami, blushing.

"He wants you to suck him off," continues Yusuke. "What do I gain from lying to you?"

"The perverse satisfaction of watching me perform a lewd act on an unconscious man," says Ami curtly.

Kuwabara struggles to control his breathing as he keeps his eyes shut, even as he senses Yusuke's hands touching his member.

"I thought so," says Yusuke quietly. "Now you can definitely feel free to suck or fuck him," he grins to Ami. "He ain't unconscious anymore."

Kuwabara slowly opens his eyes. "I may be conscious," he says as he tries to sit up, only to grip the bed rails as he trembles, dizzy, "but I have no wish to be molested by the likes of you, Urameshi."

Yusuke snickers. "Of course not," he says. "That's Mizuno's job."

Ami shoves Yusuke aside. "You must be hungry, Kazuma _-san_ ," she says, handing Kuwabara a bowl of rice.

Kuwabara nods, accepting the bowl.

* * *

 _I shall suffer the burden of this matter, otousama,_ says Toshitada, brandishing the Yoroi no Oni's _kusarigama_ as he faces Arago. _It is only just that I pay the price for my transgressions._

"You won't bear these burdens alone, Kouma _-kun_ ," says Naotohide. "We nine must strike as one to defeat this fellow."

"How did you know what I was thinking?" wonders Toshitada, staring at Naotohide.

"Naotoki's ability didn't emerge from a vacuum," quips Naotohide, "and you're annoyingly predictable."

"Let's do what must be done, shall we?" says Masamune.

"Agreed," say the other samurai. Genghis grunts his assent.

The eight samurai and Genghis defeat Arago.

Arago chuckles. "It is...too late..." he sneers as his soul dies. "Or did you...foolishly hope..." continues Arago, "that my eternal death...would free the infant from his fate...?" Arago dies.

Genghis drops to his knees, scowling at the ground. "If my little one cannot return to life," he glowers, "then I will not allow the living a moment's rest."

"That won't be necessary, wretched sons of Izanagi," says a woman's voice.

The Japanese souls avert their eyes from the woman, Izanami.

Genghis stares at Izanami. "Ah. One of your goddesses is a woman's rotting corpse," he says, unimpressed. "Frankly, I have lain with worse."

"Surely you don't find me beautiful," sneers Izanami.

"Of course not, woman," says Genghis, "but I have seen uglier than you. At least you have being dead as an excuse," he continues, "though these ugly women have borne me many sons, to their credit."

"Genghis _-sama_ ," muses Toyotomi aloud, "is quite an interesting fellow."

"I only seek the soul of my little one, Fuan Yang Lee, so that he may be reborn," says Genghis, glaring at Izanami.

Izanami smiles. "Then I am your ally," she says.

"But," says Toshitada, "you are mankind's enemy, Izanami _-megamisama_ , owing to your husband's betrayal."

"Precisely," says Izanami. "Why should humanity have a utopia given to them by some outsider god like Enma? You haven't suffered enough," she continues.

"To be fair to Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Motonari, "most of humanity will die from this Crystal Disaster business."

"But you sons and daughters of Izanagi won't suffer," spits Izanami.

Naotohide smiles with understanding, keeping his eyes shut. "That's right," he says. "Izanagi's proclamation ensures that for every one thousand who die, fifteen hundred will be born to replace the dead. Death will not be enough," continues Naotohide, "to appease _megamisama's_ wrath."

"Yes," says Izanami. "So, sons of Izanagi, scions of Jinmu: if you want an end to your suffering and sorrow, then earn it."

"...where is Lee's soul, _megamisama_?" asks Toshitada.

"There," says Izanami, pointing to a large crystal _magatama_. "Free Gaea _-megamisama_ of this if you have the will that Izanagi lacked, sons of Izanagi."

Jubei smirks. "Wouldn't be the first time I've cut a babe out of a woman's womb," he mutters.

"Make haste," warns Izanami, "for the time of the quickening is nigh."

Toshitada turns to the samurai and Genghis. "Please," he pleads, "entrust this matter to me."

"We shall," says Masamune, "for we must return these armors to our children."

Morinozuka carries Kouma Tamaki's soul.

"We must return ourselves home now," says Haninozuka. "Until you are reborn, Toshi _-chan_. We believe in you."

The Kouma clan leaves, followed by Jubei and Musashi.

"You will do this, Kouma," says Genghis.

"With the strength of your brothers among the living," adds Motonari, "and the faith of mankind, you cannot fail."

"Please be so kind as to restore order to the afterlife," says Masamune, "and end Enma _-daiousama's_ blasphemous impertinence."

"And understand that there are precious few men who haven't sinned," says Sanada. "A righteous soul is one who forgives."

"The only blood debt you owe is the one to Touma-who yet lives," says Toyotomi, "so I trust that you will repay it."

Toyotomi disappears with Genghis, Masamune, Motonari, and Sanada.

"You saved the souls of our kinsmen," says Kojirou. "That of my troubled brother..."

"...my dim-witted son..." continues Naotohide.

"...and my wretched grandson," says Yotsuro.

"For that," says Kojirou, "you have our gratitude, always."

The three samurai nod and leave.

Toshitada sighs. "Now," he says, "to the task at hand..."

* * *

Kuwabara stands in the doorway to Ami's bedroom, observing her.

After a moment, Kuwabara walks to her bed. "If you're asleep," he says softly, "please forgive me. If you're awake, then don't respond: just listen."

In the bed with her back turned to Kuwabara, Ami's eyes widen; she wills herself to remain still.

"Please, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara, "let me be your champion, your knight once more. Let me defy fate for you."

Tears form in Ami's eyes. _Why are you being such a child...?_ she wonders silently as she trembles.

"I know," continues Kuwabara. "It's childish of me to have such thoughts; selfish of me. But is it so wrong," he asks, "for a man to protect himself?"

Ami stifles a gasp as the tears fall.

"I'm not wrong. I want to fight for you, and for myself," says Kuwabara. "I can undo what Enma _-daiousama_ has done and save everyone, if you would let me."

Ami winces.

"I can win," says Kuwabara. "I will win, because my love for you is stronger than Enma _-daiousama's_ fate for us."

* * *

Kuwabara savors the last bite of his bowl of _gyuudon_ , sets down his chopsticks, and leans back in a dining room chair, rubbing his belly.

Ami smiles, then finishes her own bowl of _gyuudon_.

"That was superb," Kuwabara grins. "When did you find time to learn how to cook?"

Ami playfully sticks out her tongue. "You may blame Usagi for her persistence," she says.

"I will _thank_ her for her persistence, if you don't mind," says Kuwabara.

Ami giggles.

Kuwabara stands up, then clears away the dishes. "The man who marries you will be spoiled rotten, Ami _-san_ ," he teases as he places the dishes in the sink. "He would never be productive."

"Why is that?" asks Ami.

"The poor guy would always call in sick from work, just to be nursed back to health by you," says Kuwabara. "He'd always want a home-cooked meal made by you."

Stifling another laugh, Ami stands up, only to discover that Kuwabara gently holds her by the shoulders.

"That is to say nothing," Kuwabara whispers in Ami's ear, "of the power you have on a man to reduce him to a quivering, sated mass of spent flesh." He starts to put a gold necklace with a diamond pendant around Ami's neck.

Ami notes the pendant. "Kazuma _-san_ ," she says, frowning even as she blushes, "I can't accept this."

"Do you want me to garotte you with this?" says Kuwabara jokingly. "Just take it as a gift from a friend."

"It would be unkind of me to take the necklace," says Ami. "Save this for your bride."

"Then be my bride, Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara.

"You know that's impossible," says Ami.

Kuwabara grins. "Tell that to someone who hasn't seen a dead man return to life twice," he says.

"Urameshi _-kun_ doesn't count," quips Ami.

"Then," says Kuwabara, "let's make a wager out of it."

Ami turns to face Kuwabara, looking into his eyes.

"If December thirty-first comes and the impending apocalypse is a no-show," Kuwabara says as he clasps the necklace around Ami's neck, "then we'll marry."

"You're infuriating, Kazuma _-san_ ," says Ami, an exasperated smile on her face.

"I certainly hope so," says Kuwabara. "I don't want to lose."

"So, as you will lose this wager," says Ami sadly, stroking Kuwabara's cheek, "what shall we do in the meantime?"

Kuwabara takes Ami's hand in his, then draws Ami close. "If these are our last moments together, Ami _-san_ ," he says, "then it's reasonable that we should spend our time well. Together."

Ami turns her head, touching the pendant; she faces Kuwabara again. "I agree," says Ami, kissing Kuwabara.

* * *

" _Oi_!" says Yusuke, shooing away a grinning boy with auburn-brown hair. "Get out of my kitchen."

The boy complies. "I wanted to see how your _udon_ was made," he says.

"Aren't you planning to be my competition when you grow up, Motomiya Daisuke?" grins Yusuke.

"I'd rather be your successor, Urameshi _-san_ ," says Daisuke.

"Can't I marry him, _touchan_?" asks a dark-haired girl, kissing Daisuke on the cheek.

"You're a bit young to think about marriage, Ryoko," says Yusuke to the girl.

"I'm three!" counters Ryoko, holding up three fingers.

"You can't latch on to Motomiya," says Yusuke. "He's too old for you, and I had planned to marry you off to one of Kazu _-ojisan's_ sons," he adds teasingly.

"He and Ami _-obasan_ haven't made any babies yet," says Ryoko. "I can't wait anymore," she adds, stamping her foot. "And besides, Daisuke _-chan_ is cute."

"I'd want to marry a girl my own age," says Daisuke nervously.

"I'll be old enough soon," says Ryoko. "Just ten more years, and I'll have nice tits like _kaachan_."

From the kitchen, Keiko glares at Yusuke. Daisuke's mother grabs Daisuke and drags him out of the ramen shop.

Yusuke snorts. "Motomiya will be back, Keiko," he says. "She and her kids are regulars."

"I've told you to curb your language around Ryoko," says Keiko.

"You've also told me to make sure she doesn't lie," smirks Yusuke.

"You're sleeping on the couch tonight, _anata_ ," says Keiko.

"And I'll have you on the couch with me," grins Yusuke, serving himself a bowl of ramen. "For now, I'm taking a break."

Keiko shakes her head, leaves the kitchen, and picks up Ryoko. "Let's have a chat together, Ryoko _-chan_ ," she says to Ryoko.

Ryoko turns to Yusuke, staring at him with huge brown eyes. "Am I in trouble again, _touchan_?" she asks.

Yusuke grins. "Yeah," he says, "but _kaachan_ will blame most of it on me, so you'll be okay."

Ryoko pouts. "I just told the truth," she mutters as Keiko takes her upstairs to their apartment.

Yusuke's smile fades to a frown; the frown hardens to a scowl. "Their lives, Daisuke's life, Ma's life: they'll all be gone-forever. Enma will pay..." he whispers to himself. "The bastard will pay for all of this shit."

* * *

"I...was just convinced that I could save the patient in the scenario," says Ami bashfully. "Hopefully I wasn't too rude to you, Kido-san."

"Are you kidding?" grins Kido Shin. "Your passion: that was a beautiful thing to see," he continues. "Don't ever try to stifle that."

Ami stares at Kido.

"If I was giving you a hard time before, Mizuno _-san_ ," Kido continues, "it was because I thought you had lost your hope. It seemed to me like you were just marking time."

"It was that evident...?" Ami whispers, mostly to herself.

Kido sighs. "I'm glad that you were able to locate a new wellspring of hope," he says. "We need that kind of devotion to life in medicine, you know?"

Tachibana Yui, a young woman with wavy, dark hair, chuckles. "Kido _-kun_ , you're so naive," she says. "Mizuno _-kun_ wasn't filled with hope; she was filled with a man."

Ami struggles to control her blushing.

"Ah. Then she ought to get laid more often," says Kido.

"It's her roommate at the cursed apartment complex," says Akina.

"He was the same guy _oneesan_ was drooling at back in middle school," adds Fuyuna. "It was shameful for a schoolteacher to look at a teenage boy that way."

"To be fair to Haruna _-oneesan_ ," grins Akina, "he did have an impressive body even back then."

Fuyuna nods, licking her lips. "Very nice shoulders," she says, "which have only improved with age."

"Even if we assume that I engaged in coitus," says Ami coolly, "what would make you think it was with my roommate?"

"Availability?" posits Kido.

"The fact that you've been having fun with that fellow since middle school," say Akina and Fuyuna in unison, "if not earlier."

"You and Kuwabara _-kun_ were in love with each other since you two met in grade school," says Tachibana. "Even if we accept your implied false premise that you and he were well-behaved as teenagers, the idea that you'd only have a professional relationship with Kuwabara _-kun_ now strains all credulity."

Ami stares at Tachibana.

"Besides," Tachibana continues with a smirk, "the fact that you could barely walk this morning is more than enough proof for me."

Ami shakes her head. "I will take my leave of the lot of you," she says. She walks away from the group, passing by a brown-haired girl in a red dress and brown cowboy hat walking beside a tall, awkward dark-haired boy wearing glasses.

The girl in red hugs Tachibana immediately. "Yui!" she squeals. "Your dress is so lovely!"

"Thank you, Mimi _-chan_ ," says Tachibana. "Am I elegant?"

"Quite," grins Mimi.

"Um... _oniisan_ ," says the boy to Kido, adjusting his glasses. "Are your classes over for today?"

Kido walks over to the boy. "Yeah, Jou," he says. "How did you manage to leave school early?"

Jou frowns. "She dragged me into it," he mutters, pointing at Mimi. "That girl is so spoiled."

"And you're so timid," says Kido, mussing Jou's hair.

* * *

POST-SCRIPT

* * *

 _There he is again: that man in the yellow sweater_ , says Chibi-usa to herself, watching as a young man with dark brown hair performs a basic _kata_ with a _bokudo_.

 _It's so much fun watching him,_ she grins, _and it's almost like free lessons to help me survive Jupiter-shihan's training from hell. The weird thing is, she was never that mean back in the past._

 _Though she's not really mean...she's just strict. I know better now. If I'm going to be Sailor Moon as princess of Earth, I have to shape up,_ continues Chibi-usa. _I asked them all to show me everything they know. It's just...they know so much._

"So it makes sense to you as a student; you want to show your _shihan_ that you have knowledge to impart," says a voice, "in order to repay her."

Startled, Chibi-usa turns her head to the source of the voice...and faces the young man. She blinks, turning back to where the young man was practicing.

"I moved about a minute ago, while you were lost in your thoughts," says the young man. "But despite how I sound," he grins as Chibi-usa stares at him, "I can't read your mind. I've just been where you are."

"Can I at least ask another question-after _this one_ -before you guess what I'm about to say next?" balks Chibi-usa.

The young man nods, chuckling.

"Where do you think I am?" asks Chibi-usa.

"You are an empty vessel, waiting to be filled with knowledge," says the young man, his eyes staring into Chibi-usa's own. "Because of the vastness of the knowledge being given to you, and how thoroughly it dwarfs your own, you feel bottomless-as if the goal of retaining this knowledge is unattainable."

Chibi-usa touches her chin, nodding.

"In order to change that, I want to see what you've learned," says the young man, taking out his _bokudo_ , "and know what knowledge you've stolen from me."

"You're challenging me to a fight?" asks Chibi-usa, wary as she absently enters a defensive stance.

"Yes," says the young man, attacking immediately.

Chibi-usa barely dodges the swift strike. "I wasn't ready yet!" she squeaks.

"I _was_. I've extended enough warning for you to be ready," says the young man, relentlessly pressing the attack.

The sparring bout is brief; Chibi-usa loses her footing and falls to the ground.

The young man points the _bokudo_ at Chibi-usa's chest. "The preliminary lesson is over," he says. "What have you learned?"

"That you aren't like a samurai after all," Chibi-usa pouts. "You don't have any honor!"

"Really?" says the young man whimsically.

"A samurai is supposed to announce his technique before attacking," says Chibi-usa, indignant, "to allow opponents to ready themselves for the attack."

The young man laughs. "You're lucky that you're _correct_ -I'm not a samurai," he says. "I have known some samurai who would be insulted by your charge, though," he adds, "and they would have made sure you died in the most painful ways they could imagine."

"They must have been evil!" spits Chibi-usa.

The young man nods. "While the fellows I'm referring to were very wicked at the time I first met them-I was about your age," he says, "they truthfully weren't much worse than most samurai in the history archives."

Chibi-usa studies the young man.

"First and foremost," says the young man, "samurai were soldiers: trained to fight and kill in armed combat. Some of them employed _ninja_ ," he continues, "and in fact, some samurai clans were also _ninja_ clans."

"So...a samurai like Sanada Yukimura would have attacked me like you did?" asks Chibi-usa.

The young man nods, smiling. "Now," he continues, "what else have you learned from our _kumite_?"

"That my form was lousy," frowns Chibi-usa. "I'm just glad that Jupiter _-shihan_ didn't see any of that poor performance."

"You have done well to recognize your failure," says the young man. "It couldn't be helped."

Chibi-usa stares at the ground, her cheeks scarlet. "I...can't make excuses. Obviously, even though I used some of your moves in my own techniques back home," she continues, "I don't understand what makes them work."

"Good," says the young man, nodding. " _Kihon_ before _kata_ , before _kumite_ , before any martial arts. Know the fundamentals-the foundations-of an art, before anything else."

Chibi-usa looks up to the young man. "I...want to learn more from you," she says. "I'm sorry that I stole from you before; I didn't mean to."

"It's alright," says the young man. "You stole so little," he continues, "that I accept your apology as payment for today's lesson."

Chibi-usa stands, bowing to the young man.

"If you would like more lessons in the future," continues the young man, an earnest, intense look in his eyes, "then for that: I have a price."

"I'll...let you know tomorrow morning," says Chibi-usa, unnerved by the young man's gaze.

"You're wise," says the young man, "more than your years suggest. I'll be happy to see you tomorrow."

"So will I," says Chibi-usa. "I'm called Small Lady when I'm out and about," she continues. "What do I call you?"

"I have a name or two for myself," says the young man. "Ever since I was young, I was the carrier and preserver of life..."

Chibi-usa touches her chin, studying the young man.

"For now," the young man continues, "you may call me...Incubator."


	30. Elixir 23

**ELIXIR OF LIFE** _ **#23**_ : You underestimate the power of the human heart.

byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

 _I wonder,_ Rei muses as she observes a volcanic eruption from a _luau_ deck outside her rental flat, _if Japan could have had a peaceful islanders' life._

"Would you damn our nation to be even more of a vassal state to the United States than it already is, Rei _-dono..._?" whispers Kuroda, gently rubbing Rei's bare shoulders as he draws her close to him.

Rei shakes her head. "We had the same flight to Hawaii, and were escorted to the same taxi. Now we're both checked into the same rental flat," she muses wryly.

"I did not plan this," says Kuroda.

"You would never lay claim to such clumsy, haphazard planning," quips Rei.

"The nucleus of this masterstroke was conceived in Fuan _-kun's_ brain," says Kuroda, "but he left matters in the hands of other delegates."

"A number of unwitting yet eager accomplices, like my dear friend Minako," says Rei, "and those Hino men: including my father-the man you nearly killed."

"'A marital prospect is a marital prospect'," smiles Kuroda. "I managed to capture that much of your grandfathers' chat."

"My paternal grandfather just wants to see me in a traditional wedding gown," snorts Rei.

"Had they included me in this matter," says Kuroda, still rubbing Rei's arms, "I would have stated my preference for the Western wedding style, as it shows more frugality. No need to be ostentatious."

"Ah, but I'm marrying into the Kuroda clan. Tradition must be upheld," says Rei.

"That sounds like Makoto _-dono's_ contribution to this plot," says Kuroda, "or rather, Date _-sensei's_ boundless enthusiasm to bring her into the Date clan as Date _-san's_ bride."

"It's not like we can tell our families that any trip to a marriage altar is premature," says Rei, frustrated.

Kuroda stops rubbing Rei's arms; he turns Rei around to face him, then gently kisses her.

Rei breaks the kiss, trembling as Kuroda touches her chin.

"We...can no longer fight. What stands between us," says Kuroda, intensity in his eye, "is an indelible, inescapable fact."

"Which tells us both that Hashiba _-kun_ was Fuan _-kun's_ principal delegate," grins Rei.

"Hashiba _-kun_ is the blue _oni_ ," muses Kuroda, "to Fuan _-kun'_ s red _oni_. One must concede defeat in the face of such impressive Go skill."

Rei rolls her eyes.

"Those two and your clan leadership are striving to protect us both from unpleasantness," says Kuroda.

"What...?" asks Rei, confused.

"My sweet," says Kuroda, "you are not meant to know the wicked ruthlessness of men's hearts, especially when our dark actions are born of love."

"Cheng _-kun_?" Rei asks quizzically.

"Cheng _-kun_ ," says Kuroda ruefully. "That fellow's idea for our wedding rite likely involved a windowless cellar and drugs."

Rei laughs; Kuroda joins her, chuckling.

Rei's laughter subsides. "You...just won't let me go, will you?" she says.

"It cannot be helped," says Kuroda, giving Rei a wry grin. "In the end: I, Kuroda Jirogorou, am just a stupid man."

"Then," says Rei softly, leaning onto Kuroda's chest, "let us burn together..."

"...and discover what is left," breathes Kuroda as he pulls Rei into an embrace, "when our fire abates."

Kuroda and Rei kiss; in the distance, the volcano erupts.

* * *

Usagi's eyes widen; she stares at Sayaka.

"You're being absurd, _obaasan_!" says Ami curtly.

Sayaka laughs a moment. "Ah, you want evidence of my assertions?" she says, picking up a styrofoam cup. "Piss in this for me," she continues, "and I'll prove it to you."

Ami blinks at Sayaka, then frowns. "Any further response to you would be undignified of me," she says, leaving Sayaka's house.

"You...could have shared that information differently," says Madoka, exasperated.

"I was a nurse for thirty-eight years. Part of that involves collecting urine samples," says Sayaka, "which basically amounts to ordering people to pee in cups."

"Did you have to say it that way?" demands Rei. "No wonder Ami can't stand you."

"Ami _-chan_ can't stand me because she's too much like me," grins Sayaka. "It's so much fun to tease her a bit."

"But...you think we're really...?" asks Makoto quietly.

"You're pregnant," says Madoka flatly. "We don't _think_ so, either: we know."

"But I _can't_ be pregnant!" spits Rei. "How did I get pregnant!?"

"When you and that fellow of yours decided to fuck somewhere to resolve your soul bond-*" begins Sayaka.

Rei slaps Sayaka. "I know _that_ , you obnoxious bitch!" she fumes.

Usagi and Makoto stare at Rei.

"Are you two really surprised?" says Rei.

"That you lost it and slapped a rude old lady?" says Makoto. "Yeah. That's not your style."

"But about you and Kuroda _-kun_ finally resolving matters: nope, not at all," says Usagi.

"Usagi!" shrieks Rei.

"There were so many clues," continues Usagi. "Your grandfather would let him take you out on dates-even before that date ban for you was lifted."

Makoto nods. "Yeah; when I asked him about it," she says, "he just told me that Kuroda _-kun_ was from the Kuroda clan, and that you and he were betrothed as part of an arranged marriage."

Rei sighs, regaining her composure. "I wasn't being stupid when I asked my question," she says stiffly. "When I was with him," she continues, blushing, "I had quite a bit of protection. He was covered, and I had something extra."

"So you say he had on a condom and you had a diaphragm," says Sayaka, rubbing her cheek.

Rei nods, glaring at Sayaka.

"Then your question's more valid than I thought," says Sayaka. "Those things do fail, though."

"You were fated to bear his child," quips Madoka.

"Children," says Sayaka, smirking. "She's carrying twins."

"Oh: so you're a fucking sonogram!?" balks Rei.

Sayaka fills the styrofoam cup with water; she then pulls the water out of the cup, freezes it into a hand, and slaps Rei with it.

Rei rubs her cheek, astonished.

"So...that would be a 'yes'...?" asks Usagi after a moment.

"The gifts you have don't simply appear _ex nihilio_ ," says Sayaka.

Rei smiles ruefully. "When you say it that way," she says, "I can begin to trace the family resemblance."

"How much...do you two know...?" asks Makoto.

"I know..." says Madoka, standing from her chair, "that you, Usagi..."

Usagi studies her grandmother, along with Makoto and Rei.

"...are 'Sailor Moon, the champion of justice. And in the name of the moon'..." says Madoka, finishing Sailor Moon's iconic pose.

"...you didn't finish the quote, _obaasan_..." says Usagi, subdued.

"I should hope that I'm not evil enough to be punished," says Madoka.

"You...you aren't evil at all!" says Usagi, hugging Madoka. "Except for teasing my friends along with Sayaka _-san_ ," she adds.

Rei sighs, then sits on the couch. "With all due respect to your ability, Sayaka _-san_ ," she says, "I'll get a medically-vetted sonogram done, along with a proper pregnancy test."

"I'm with her," adds Makoto.

Sayaka rolls her eyes as the phone rings. " _Moshi-moshi_ ; Sensui... Damn, she's fast...!" she says into the phone. "Did Ami- _chan_ pee in a cup for you, Saeko...?"

"As you can see," says Madoka, "she's like this with everyone. When she was in school, she was what your generation would call a _bokukko_."

"Ah... So in other words, it will take several weeks for the ob-gyn lab to reiterate what I've already told her..." says Sayaka. "You'd think a young woman would just trust her grandmother's instincts; empiricism can only go so far..." She laughs, then ends the call.

"Sayaka _-san_ ," says Madoka, stretching, "I think we've embarrassed them enough. Let's step outside."

Sayaka snorts, then steps outside; Madoka follows her out.

* * *

"Kuwabara," says Yusuke, serving Kuwabara a bowl of ramen.

Kuwabara accepts the ramen. "Urameshi," he says, "please let Ami _-san_ confirm that empirically. It makes her feel better if she rules out any false positives-especially from a jackass like you."

"I got a second opinion," sneers Yusuke.

"Sayaka _-obaasan_ doesn't count," says Kuwabara, "and she's going to be an insufferable bitch about it," he adds with a grin.

"What about you and Shizuru?" asks Yusuke.

"Confirmation bias," says Kuwabara.

"Mizuno's being a stubborn bitch," says Yusuke, "but she has to be to carry anything from your cock."

"That...doesn't begin to make sense," says Kuwabara, staring at Yusuke.

" _Touchan_ says you're stubborn, Kazu _-ojisan_ ," says Ryoko.

Kuwabara touches the top of Ryoko's head. "Remember when we had that chat about not paying so much attention to your _otouchan_?" he says, mirth in his eyes.

Ryoko blinks. " _Touchan's_ going to kick your ass again," she says.

Kuwabara stands up, shocked. "Where the..!?" he blurts, struggling to control his language. "Where...did you learn such words, Ryoko _-chan_...?" he asks as he composes himself.

"From her _'touchan_ ," grins Yusuke crudely, punching Kuwabara.

Livid, Kuwabara straightens himself. "Let's step outside, Urameshi," he says. "I don't want to contribute further to Ryoko _-chan's_ delinquency," he continues, "nor do I want her to see her father bleeding on the ground in his own restaurant."

"Nostalgia's a very painful emotion for you, Kuwabara," says Yusuke.

Kuwabara opens the door to Yusuke's restaurant, then points to the street.

Yusuke takes off his work apron, setting it on the back of a chair; he steps outside, followed by Kuwabara.

At the counter, Keiko sighs; she enters the dining area and picks Ryoko up.

" _Kaachan..._ " begins Ryoko.

"Let's watch _**Sesame Street**_ ," says Keiko. "Do you want the tape with 'Super Grover' or the one with 'Captain Vegetable'?" she asks.

Ryoko grins. "'Cookie Monster'!" she squeals. "Then 'Super Grover'."

"Okay!" says Keiko; she flips over the _OPEN_ sign, shakes her head at Yusuke and Kuwabara's fight, then takes Ryoko upstairs.

* * *

Shuu hands Cheng a bowl of _lo mein_ , then sits across from him at a table in Shuu's restaurant.

Touma joins them, picking spiderwebs out of his hair.

"Yeah, Kuroda's still pissed at us," grins Shuu. "I had spiders coming out of my showerhead this morning."

"And you two gave me shit for my straightforward proposal," says Cheng calmly.

"That's because you're my cousin, stupid," says Shuu, "and I value your life. You're not qualified to cross the likes of Kuroda."

"Because of the magic armor?" asks Cheng.

"Because Kuroda's the guy who escaped being shot twice and buried alive," says Shuu, "then murdered our admittedly-treacherous ancestor in revenge."

"Of course Fuan Rei Jiang was treacherous," snorts Touma. "He was a pirate."

"And if I had been part of his crew back in the day," says Shuu ruefully, "I would have shot Kuroda in the head."

"Ah, but then Japan's history would have been different," says Cheng. "Kuroda Kanbei would probably have conquered half of China or something."

"Fuck that," says Shuu. "Jiang would have been a Masho, threatening to flatten Japan with earthquakes in his effort to succeed where Genghis failed."

"Not so," counters Touma, "as Hideyoshi _-oyaji_ would have already teamed up with Tokugawa to locate the _yoroi_ , then killed Tokugawa once his usefulness ended."

"Still mad about Hideyori?" grins Cheng.

"Tokugawa's a fucking sore loser who caused Japan's culture to stagnate for 268 years," says Touma dourly. "Frankly, we're in the United States' debt for helping us to save face, and their soldiers deserve our women."

"Because of the War?" asks Shuu.

"Not just that," says Touma, pouring himself a small saucer of Chinese rice wine. "Also because of America's naval cock-waving contest with us. It forced Japan to open up to the world and saved our country from being carved up by Western powers like China was."

Shuu shakes his head.

"Look: do you think the Chinese would have allied with the Soviet Union on its own?" asks Touma.

"China did that shit to flip off the US for letting Japan off the hook for its bullshit 'Co-Prosperity Sphere'," says Shuu. "It's the same reason North Korea's still allowed to exist: the mainland just wants to scare the shit out of the Japanese."

"Tear down Yasukuni," quips Cheng, "and then we can discuss ending the Korean War."

"How can you end the Korean War, Cheng?" asks Touma.

"I got a kidnapped Japanese citizen home," says Cheng. "Maybe I'm no match for Kuroda, but I can handle the sorry assholes in China's government-and they're the ones pulling Pyongyang's strings."

Shuu's eyes widen. "You're still a jackass," he says. "Our business isn't something you need to have yourself or your people involved in."

"Enma involved me," says Cheng, "the moment he put his hands on my family. And I've already told you once," he continues, a meaningful look in his eyes, "that I won't let you shoulder burdens alone."

Shuu scowls.

"Nonetheless," Cheng continues, grinning, "I admit that your messy plan was actually better than mine."

Shuu returns the grin. "You don't know how hard Kuroda can hit-don't let that soft Kanto accent and flimsy build of his fool you," he says.

Kuroda enters the dining hall from the kitchen, his expression grim. "Fuan _-kun_ : you, Hashiba _-kun_ , and I have matters to address," he says.

Shuu and Touma study Kuroda a moment, then stand.

Cheng looks up at Kuroda.

"And you, Cheng _-kun_ ," says Kuroda, smiling, "will embrace wisdom, and heed your cousin's warning."

"Is that so...?" drawls Cheng.

"Do not fuck with me," says Kuroda in English. He teleports away with Shuu and Touma.

Cheng laughs. "His English is improving," he says.

* * *

Makoto rubs her arms. "This is bad..." she says, a sober expression on her face.

"Even worse," Rei adds. "We definitely have a choice to make."

"Agreed. Either you all will stand by-and fight for-the choices you've already made," says Usagi, grave, "or I...will undo all choices, for all time."

Makoto studies Usagi.

"Usagi..." breathes Rei.

"Crystal Tokyo is a lie...no, even worse: it's injustice," continues Usagi. "In our hearts, we know this. That's why the man who knows my heart better than anyone, the one more devoted to me than any other, acted to set in motion events to destroy Crystal Tokyo...at its heart."

"How could Mamoru-or rather, if what you're saying is true, Endymion-know that altering the timeline would accomplish anything?" asks Rei.

"It accomplished a great deal," says Usagi, "but the rest is still in our hands."

"I...can't bring anyone into a world that's going to end," says Rei. "And I definitely can't bring children into a universe that will eventually end because you're gearing up for a cosmic temper tantrum!"

"I won't deny that's part of it," says Usagi. "I'd bet the only reason Queen Selenity doesn't cry like I would is because her tear ducts are broken from overuse."

Rei sighs.

"No matter which choice we made," says Makoto, "Usagi would still lose."

"If we follow our hearts and fight the Disaster," says Rei, "Chibi-usa will pay the ultimate price."

"Then our choice is between duty and love," says Usagi.

"In your mind there is no choice!" spits Rei. "If we follow our hearts, then you'll crack because we chose our own desires over Chibi-usa's life. If we follow our ancient sworn duty-and allow Enma _-daiousama's_ plot to proceed: the result is the same."

"None of you...need to worry about that," says Usagi. "I won't take your choices away from you: as Enma _-daiousama_ did from me." Usagi stands, then exits the house.

"So..." says Makoto quizzically, "when will you give Kuroda _-kun_ the news?"

"When you give the news to Seiji _-san_ ," grins Rei, "which means we wait for the medical tests. I'm sure even psychics can have false positives."

Makoto chuckles, then leaves the house, followed by Rei.

* * *

Kayura blinks as she notes her surroundings. "Hm. This isn't Reikai," she muses. "The sky's red instead of gold, so I'm not home. I must be in Yomi."

"Correct," says Enma.

"Izanami _-megamisama's_ going to geld you when she gets back to her castle," grins Kayura. "Furthermore, you've already brought enough abuse on yourself by making the Youjekai your enemy," she continues. "That was a fatal mistake on your part."

"Conflict is unnecessary. I have no desire to destroy Kouma Toshitada," says Enma. "If you and your faction will convince him to leave off his futile efforts to disrupt the inevitable-what is now fated to occur-then my forces will spare his soul, and he may return to Reikai to complete his sentence."

Kayura laughs. "You're _here_ because you have no real authority in Reikai!" she sneers. "Besides, you and your forces don't know the nature of the soul you're all trifling with."

Enma studies Kayura.

"Go on-kill him! Kouma _-sempai_ has been dead for over ten years," continues Kayura. "What is annihilation to someone like him?"

"All humans want a second chance at living: again, and again, and again," counters Enma. "This whole rebellion from you and other insolent factions is because you value your meaningless present above the peaceful future that is promised."

"What we value is the future," says Kayura, "and our own choices: past, present, and future." Her _shakujo_ appears in her hand as the base armor of the Yoroi no Oni appears. "That man, Kouma Toshitada," she continues, "bequeathed the Yoroi no Oni to me, as he died to bring about my salvation. I will honor his sacrifice."

Enma glares at Kayura.

"And I will avenge the honor of the Yoroi no Oni, which was used to act against its own will; should Kouma _-sempai_ , its true master, perish in Tartarus," continues Kayura. "His death is only the begin-*"

Enma snatches Kayura up; he starts to crush her. "I can crush you, and destroy your soul, in one stroke," he says impassively.

"That wouldn't be wise, Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Kuroda, in the Yoroi no Gen's base armor. "We are not so arrogant that we would presume to end your soul," Kuroda continues as Yamanouchi and Sasaki-both in their base armors-appear alongside him.

"If you don't release Kayura _-dono_ immediately," adds Yamanouchi curtly, "we will send you back to hell: to face the judgment of the gods."

"After that, we shall continue our efforts to undo your work," says Sasaki. "If it takes an eternity, then we shall make ourselves last forever."

"You four are only human," says Enma as he stops crushing Kayura, but still holds her, "and Kouma's soul is only human."

"Pitiful," says Ryo as he and the other Troopers appear. "You underestimate the power of the human heart."

"And that's a damned shame," grins Touma, "as our _yoroi_ were forged from the evil within the human heart..."

"...then strengthened and purified with the good in the human heart," adds Shin.

"It's actually hard to take you seriously as a god," says Shuu, "when you don't even understand the creatures you expect to obey and worship you."

"Though to be fair," says Seiji, "being that you are a death deity, Enma _-daiousama_ : we never really worshipped you; we feared you."

"What will you do, Enma," smirks Yamanouchi, "kill all of us? Destroy all of our souls?"

"The gods will take notice of this," says Kuroda, "and negate your soul."

Enma glowers at Kayura and the _yoroishi_ as he drops Kayura to the ground.

Kayura curls, then unfolds as she shakily lands on her feet. "I've been dropped from the top of the Palace when Arago first began to condition me," she grins, "and I didn't have the benefit of this _yoroi_."

The three former Masho stare at Kayura a moment, in awe.

"Understand this, Enma: we will not be cowed. Don't bother us again," says Kayura.

"The lady Kayura has indeed spoken-for all of us," adds Touma, a lopsided grin on his face.

"Your men won't win anyway," says Ryo. "Not against _sempai_."

"You are mistaken," says Enma. "I have sent my hellhound-my most powerful soul-bound beast-to destroy him."

Izanami enters the throne room in Yomi, with several Reikai Special Forces officers carrying a large, canine-like corpse. She bites into a fleshy, bleeding apple.

Enma trembles slightly.

* * *

Yusuke and Kuwabara reenter the restaurant; Yusuke locks the door. "Don't you get it yet?" he says, nursing a slight bruise on his cheek.

Kuwabara rubs a bruise on his jaw. "I know that I almost had your ass on the ground," he spits.

Yusuke sighs. "Yeah-because even _yokai_ get tired. Nobody blamed Rinku for tying you up to keep you out of the ring," he says.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asks Kuwabara.

"If your sperm's anything like you," scoffs Yusuke, "then Mizuno's egg was worn out."

"Your biology grades were always shit, Urameshi," counters Kuwabara.

"I ain't wrong," says Yusuke as he grabs his apron from the chair. "I read in one of Mizuno's medical textbooks that an egg cell has a barrier that wears out sperm cells. But your seed probably cut through that shit-along with any condom you had on."

"You're stupid," snorts Kuwabara, following Yusuke to the stairs leading to Yusuke's living quarters.

"And that's leaving aside the fact that condoms don't come in your size," continues Yusuke, "so Mizuno probably didn't even bother."

"Were you there, Urameshi?" asks Kuwabara.

"No," quips Yusuke, "but I know people who would have archival-quality footage of that hard animal wall-fucking you two were-*"

"We were in bed!" spits Kuwabara, blushing. "It's a lot harder than it looks in _hentai_ to pin a girl against the wall when you're..." Kuwabara trails off, fuming at Yusuke. "You know what!? F-*"

"Sh!" hisses Yusuke, noting Keiko and Ryoko asleep on a couch. He sits on the floor. "This _**Sesame Street**_ tape is Ryoko's favorite," he continues, whispering. "She likes 'Super Grover'."

Kuwabara sighs. _I don't think the jackass even realizes that_ _ **Sesame Street**_ _is an educational show,_ he says to himself, shaking his head, _and Keiko-san's trying to make up for all the years of school he missed._

"If school were like _**Sesame Street**_ , I would never have cut classes, asshole," grins Yusuke.

"You figured it out after all," says Kuwabara. "Except even Oscar the Grouch wouldn't want the felt corpse of an Iwamoto Muppet in his trash can."

"Oscar likes trash and garbage," says Yusuke, "not shit, Kuwabara."

"Standards must be upheld," says Kuwabara. He and Yusuke laugh.

* * *

"You are alone in this matter, Otake _-dono_ ," says Toshitada. "You cannot hope to prevail against me."

Otake glares at Toshitada.

"Obey Izanami _-megamisama_ and return to Reikai," pleads Toshitada. "You are an honorable soldier."

"I have my duty to Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Otake. "Also, humans can't be trusted on their own. I will not allow you to undo the centuries of work about to bear fruit."

"Then prove the strength of your convictions, Otake _-dono_ ," says Toshitada, setting down his _kusarigama_ ; he then spreads his arms wide. "I shall allow you five minutes time to do as you like with my penitent soul."

"You...are mad," whispers Otake.

"If your master's path is the true one," says Toshitada, "then my sanity is irrelevant. End my existence-end me-if you seek to preserve Enma _-daiousama's_ work."

"Don't be a fool!" spits Otake. "You will never have the chance to be reborn."

"In the nothingness you threaten," says Toshitada simply, "I shall attain _nirvana_."

"You will cease to exist..." breathes Otake.

"I have been dead eleven years, and alive for four hundred seventeen years," says Toshitada. "For good or ill: even if I cease to be now, I shall live on in the hearts and memories of all who have known me throughout my life."

"Why...?" wonders Otake. "I've always wondered this about you: where is your fear?"

"I knew fear for one moment in my life," says Toshitada. "That moment had passed over four centuries ago," he continues, "and now, even my memory of it begins to fade."

Otake stares at Toshitada, trembling.

"There is simply no room for fear to reside in my heart," smiles Toshitada, "as gratitude and love for my friends-and even my enemies-swells within it. It gives me the strength to face you, Otake _-dono_."

"Then," says Otake, squaring his shoulders as he prepares to attack, "you must die. Prepare yourself."

* * *

"All this time...that was the reason: why you didn't remember shit," says Sayaka. "Stupid Usagi literally wished for you to forget your time with that bastard Kaburagi."

Madoka sips a cup of tea as she nods. "Usagi _-san's_ intent was simply to set me free, but Go _-no-baka_ decided to play at being an improvised _omiai_ counselor on our behalf."

"That asshole Chiba saved your lives with that," says Sayaka. "You were both traitors, and were supposed to be executed."

"I suppose I should be thankful, for our grandaughters' sakes," says Madoka. "They're both very good friends to each other."

"Usa _-chan_ certainly keeps my stuck-up bitch of a granddaughter from being too full of herself," grins Sayaka, picking up a styrofoam cup and rinsing it out in the outdoor sink.

"Ami's a wonderful person and you know it!" counters Madoka. "But that look on her face when you asked for her urine sample..." she adds, giggling.

"Her fault for not taking my word for it," snorts Sayaka. "Hell, I'm amazed that it didn't happen sooner-as often as she and my Kazu went at each other."

"But it is true..." says Madoka. "Ami, and Makoto, and even Rei."

"Rei!? What makes her so special?" scoffs Sayaka. "She had a soul bond with a man who hadn't fucked in centuries. The fact that he didn't club her over the head and drag her off to his cave speaks volumes to his character."

Madoka shakes her head.

"Granted, I'm sure most men are more civilized than the bastard I had to call 'husband'," continues Sayaka, scowling at a wedding photo.

"Why didn't you leave Kazuya?" asks Madoka.

"To allow him to inflict himself on some other poor woman?" asks Sayaka, a wry smile on her face. "At least, that's how I was able lie to myself...to endure him."

Madoka trembles.

"That's not the reason, though. Most of my reasons," continues Sayaka bitterly, "amount to Stockholm Syndrome. Nonetheless," she adds, scowling, "don't you dare to pity me. I outlived the sorry cocksucker, and his miserable soul is gone; that is my victory."

"Sayaka..." says Madoka. "Please: forgive yourself."

"You have to quit being so damned kind, Madoka!" spits Sayaka. "I've given you nothing but my ass to kiss for fifty-seven years."

"I'm not one to hold resentment in my heart for any length of time," says Madoka. "But if it makes you feel better: it's not out of kindness, but out of selfishness."

Sayaka stares at Madoka.

"Bitterness festering inside your soul will make you ill," continues Madoka. "I won't indulge such unhealthy habits as that."

Sayaka smiles. "As a nurse, I must respect that," she says.

Madoka laughs.

"Now," Sayaka continues, "I wonder what our granddaughters will do. So much shit has disrupted their plan to reinstate their past lives."

Madoka sighs. "I pray each day," she says, "that my Usako continues to believe in justice, and will ultimately do what's right."

* * *

"Are you threatening humans," says Izanami coolly, "when the destruction of humankind is my exclusive domain, you incompetent outsider?"

Enma seethes at Izanami. "You...cannot hope to understand," he says, "for you are bound to the wheel of _samsara_."

"As is every god," says Izanami. "In that respect, we are no different than humans."

"In their arrogance," counters Enma, "these interlopers and their allies fail to consider the chaos that will be unleashed should they have their absurd wish."

"And this is where you and I part company, Enma," says Izanami. "For in your own damned arrogance," she continues, "you have failed to consider the oblivion to which you have consigned us all-something that even these scions of Jinmu have the power to comprehend."

"Enma _-sama_ ," says a Reikai Special Forces soldier. "We will depart from Yomi immediately, and escort you to Reikai."

"Your duty is to me," spits Enma.

"No longer, Enma _-sama_ ," counters the soldier. "Izanami _-megamisama_ has removed you from your place."

The _yoroishi_ stare at the corpse.

Sasaki studies the corpse. "This beast: it was once human...and _yokai..._?" he wonders.

"I think it was that bastard Naraku," says Yamanouchi. "He'd tried to assimilate _okaasama_ once because she had a jewel shard in her ankle."

"A fine guess, Naotoki," grins Izanami ghoulishly; she slides her tongue outside her mouth, then bites into her apple with relish.

"And that isn't an apple she's eating," continues Yamanouchi.

"It...looks like a heart..." says Shuu slowly, his face turning green.

"Wonderful eye," continues Izanami cheerfully. "This human heart is crisp, as it's filled with despair and fruitless longing."

Enma blinks in shock. "But...h-how!?" he sputters.

"I gave the soul called Onigumo what it wanted to see," says Izanami as her body grows skin; she appears as a _miko_.

"K-kagome _-dono.._." breathes Kuroda.

"No," says Izanami. "This form is of that soul's first iteration: Kikyo. That woman became Onigumo's obsession, and it ultimately led him to become my snack."

"Where is Otake?" demands Enma.

"He chose to confront Kouma," says the soldier.

* * *

Enma glares at a receptionist in the lobby outside the throne room of Hades Chthonia. "Yes, Hades, I have an appointment," he says tersely. "24 December 1999, regarding my dismissal from my position within Reikai."

The receptionist grins broadly. "It's just that you keep calling me: the chief receptionist, the name of this realm: Hades," he says, pointing at his nametag: printed as "Aidon".

"I obviously know who the hell you are, Hades Aidoneus Chthonios," says Enma. "I'm just confused as to why your wife demoted you further."

"I have not been demoted," snorts "Aidon", acknowledging himself as Hades. "I'm simply helping Thanatos with backlog, as we're in Europe, so there's always backlog. I'm not fortunate enough to have a child to fob all of the grunt work onto," Hades continues, "and many of the souls' kinsmen still conduct final rites in the traditional way: which translates to paperwork to be scanned into our computer system."

"Do you shred the paperwork afterwards?" asks Enma.

"No: the appeals process predates Nyx: the first ruler and caretaker of Chthonia, let alone myself and Persephone," says Hades as he finishes scanning documents; he puts the documents into a dropbox. "The hard copies are archived in a part of Hell Proper known as Sheol, where a hostile jackass has to handle and file all of it."

A phone rings; Hades answers it, then hands the receiver to Enma.

"Enma speaking," says Enma into the receiver.

"You've got to say it, Aid-oh, fuck you," spits the speaker.

"You have Satan handling your hard copies?" asks Enma, placing the call on speakerphone.

"You ignore me at your peril, Yama," says Satan. "I actually should thank you for your clusterfuck."

"Why should I believe you: the father of lies?" scoffs Enma.

"Because frankly, deception would be wasted on the likes of you. Deceiving humans is funny and laughably easy," says Satan, "deceiving _yokai_ is downright hilarious, and deceiving lesser deities like your son and Dippy Pluto here has its entertainment value."

Enma scowls.

"But you? You're such a pitifully-weak mockery of my former boss-as even He has a sense of humor-that there's no point," continues Satan. "I'm gunning for your job, lard-ass, as Ben Yama's far too young to be able to handle matters alone."

"You!?" balks Enma, his eyes wide. "Your ex-boss would never let you have that much power!"

"Fool. I have as many sins as I have names," says Satan, "and I have so many names that I've bestowed a few of them to my more promising minions. But being so damned brain-dead in short-sightedness was never really one of them."

"The Unspoken One," says Hades calmly, "actually recommended him to Izanami. As he'd still be in hell, it wouldn't negate his punishment: rather, he'd just have more added to his current workload."

"Granted," sneers Satan. "I can see straight through His plan, and being His creation, I must jump through His hoops. However, for once, it doesn't bother me," he continues to Enma, "because I know that you are a deity without a purpose, which means that your soul will be annihilated because of your sins."

"But your soul will be burned in a lake of fire," counters Enma.

"How childish, Yama," says Satan. "You do know my primary duty has always been what that human twit Shinobu sought to emulate: the accuser, the one who tests all souls: the _shaitan_. It's just that like Iblis-and Shinobu, to be fair-I just didn't think humanity was good enough to be the masters of the earth above. My ex-boss disagreed," Satan continues, "we had an altercation, and I'm in Sheol with my noble followers."

Hades rolls his eyes. "I can't believe humans conflate me with this arrogant idiot," he mutters.

"You don't have enough pull or clout to help me with my problem," says Enma.

Satan groans, then appears in the lobby of Hades, wearing gray robes. He is aglow with an alien power.

"You...don't look like yourself," says Enma after a moment.

"You see me...as a mockery of what I once was," seethes Satan, "a taste of my former glory as chief of the angelic host."

"What is the purpose?" asks Enma.

"Now...I cannot lie at all-or mislead with the truth: my usual _modus operandi_ , for the record," says Satan. "Simply put, Yama: you cannot win. You're in the unenviable position of being the enemy of every other lesser deity in the universe," continues Satan, "and you've actively managed to piss Him off."

Enma turns to Hades. "Is Persephone in or not?" he asks Hades tersely.

"She's in, but you'd much rather just deal with me and the Fly Lord here," says Hades.

"You're wasting your time," continues Satan, "which should be spent on your knees, groveling to Izanami for a pencil-pushing job back at Reikai."

Enma glares at Satan a moment, then returns his focus to Hades. "May I pass?" he asks.

Hades nods, then shrugs as he silently emails Persephone. Enma exits the lobby without another word.

Satan grins, then pulls out a tablet.

Hades shakes his head. "You get all of the latest tech," he says. "I still have to sit at a desk."

"Bah: this is a standard extrapolation of old shit from the 1970s," says Satan. "Consider Xerox PARC, for example."

"Of course," says Hades. "Why do you sound like Starscream?"

"Intelligent, talented, and persevering second-in-command to an almighty figure-who likes to stab his superior in the back?" grins Satan. "Besides, Latta explained to me the nature of that signature voice: with that voice, nothing you say would be believed-even if you were just reading a phone book aloud."

"He got two separate characters out of that voice," muses Hades. "That man had real talent."

"Too much for the Name to let Latta enter Sheol," scowls Satan, "the standard procedure for souls under the Occidental traditions."

"You remember how Sherlock Holmes and Optimus Prime returned from the dead?" asks Hades.

"Yeah: Doyle had to retcon Holmes' death, and Optimus-or Convoy in Japan...wait..." says Satan, trailing off. "Those two are fictional! They were never real in the first place!"

"Human creations with dedicated and loyal fanbases allow those creations to have their own souls," says Hades, "and that's even more so with characters realized by actors."

Satan reverts to his normal form. "Soon," he seethes, "there will be another movie with myself ranting at Him and at anyone who supports Him."

"Which American actor will you have picking scenery out of his teeth this time?" asks Hades.

"I've already had Nicholson," muses Satan, "and Curry in that annoying cliche-storm rambling about unicorns. Smith is still too young and untested: I'll see how well he does in that star vehicle with that fat guy who voices the Shredder."

"James Avery," says Hades tiredly.

"Auberjonois was hampered by the fact that his opponents were a pair of children and the damned _Schtroumpfs_ ," snorts Satan. "Pacino's probably about due for a tasty ham-and-cheese sandwich."

Hades shakes his head.

"And unlike that sniveling sap Milton," continues Satan, "this time my monologue will be unironic!"

"Yama's gone, you know, Luci," says Samael. "Go back to Sheol."

Satan winces at Samael, then vanishes in flames.

Hades rolls his eyes. "Why doesn't he just use the elevator like his followers do?" he asks. "Asmodeus loves the elevator."

"To be fair: Asmodeus loves to tie up the elevator by bringing suggestible young women with him to act out the 'trapped in an elevator' fetish," says Samael.

"True: that or some other variant has always aroused humans on some primitive level for eons," muses Hades. "So: after Minako is done screwing Asmodeus in exchange for information," he continues, his cheeks coloring as he notes the video feed inside the elevator to Sheol, "I'll have the escalators activated."

"Of course. Your wife is home for the holidays," grins Samael.

"And my father of all stocking-stuffers is almost as engorged as Grandfather's was...before Grandmother understandably had him gelded," says Hades.

* * *

"How far can you take me?" says Minako, giving Asmodeus a coy smile.

Asmodeus laughs darkly. "I see right through your ruse, you know," he says. "You want me to run this elevator through the whole underworld so that you can track Yama."

"Possibly," says Minako, "or you're just uninteresting and tame; it does let me pass time as I multitask."

"It's disappointing, really," says Asmodeus. "You're forever cursed to obey duty over love, to the point where even the sad counterfeit I offer-lust-only brings you tedium."

"I'm glad you appreciate the disappointment," says Minako cheerfully, "but speak for yourself. I'm not in this elevator with you out of duty," she continues, "nor am I following Enma out of duty."

"Then I suppose you're doing this out of love...for ghosts," sneers Asmodeus.

"For my Ace: the man who cursed me, and who apparently had almost as many names as your boss?" quips Minako. "He's likely pissed off at you right now, by the way."

"I'd say fuck him," says Asmodeus, "but I want to make you want me as much as I want you."

"Why do you want me so badly?" asks Minako, turning to look outside the glass elevator.

"Because you're deliciously chaste. In both of your lifetimes, you've only had one man before me," says Asmodeus, gently caressing Minako's bare breasts.

"So I'm a gently-soiled tube sock in your mind," says Minako, annoyed.

Asmodeus growls under his breath as he stops rubbing Minako's breasts, releasing them.

"For what it's worth," Minako continues, "you're almost right. I am doing this out of love."

* * *

"...you must help me, Kali!" bellows Enma.

Kali glares at Enma. "Yama _-pitaa_ ," she says, "There is nothing I must do for you. I am not obligated to act for you."

"You are the only one who can reason with that creature Izanami," says Enma, calming his tone, "and help her understand the futility of her anger with me, and mankind's fruitless struggle against the inevitable."

"Perhaps," says Kali. "Yet are you not struggling yourself? And in the end," she continues, "is not your struggle also meaningless?"

"My goal is to restore-no, to create-a sustainable order," says Enma.

"Order is birthed from chaos: called out of chaos," counters Kali. "Your actions will cause all order to revert to chaos to restore the balance you have disrupted."

"I will assert that the so-called balance you speak of never existed," says Enma.

"You are not the first deity to think thus," says Kali patiently. "And for the record, the one now called Satan was not the first angel to think thus."

"You...compare me to that worm...?" breathes Enma.

"Worms serve a fruitful purpose; in their independent pursuits," says Kali, her eyes bright with joy, "they have eased mankind's burdens."

"Kali," asks Enma, confused, "are you worried that the Crystal Disaster will destroy earthworms?"

"Yes," says Kali, "along with all life. So, Yama _-pitaa_ ," she continues, "you understand my anger."

"It cannot be as great as when you watched that _**Indiana Jones**_ movie," says Enma.

"Actually," says Kali, her eyes briefly glinting with a flash of red, "at present, I use _**Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom**_ in yoga meditation to regain my calm."

"You...were my last hope, Kali," says Enma, slumping his shoulders in defeat. "I will take my leave, if you permit."

"Go in peace, Yama _-pitaa_ ," says Kali, "and learn from this error."

Enma leaves.

Kali sighs. "The lot of you may enter," she says, "including Minako and Asmodeus."

Various chthonic and other underworld goddesses appear; Minako and Asmodeus drop unceremoniously from the bottom of the glass elevator to the ground of Kali's chamber.

* * *

Isis smiles. "A tame mortal floor show?" she asks.

"The Golden Cocktease," sneers Asmodeus as he stands. "'We are Legion', and we are insulted and horny."

Persephone rolls her eyes. "You keep forgetting that you are the only male in the cosmos who can suck himself off," she says.

"I don't forget," pouts Asmodeus. "It's just unsatisfying compared to the real thing."

"And on that note..." says Persephone; she plays an ocarina.

Several shades appear to clean the elevator.

Minako stares at Persephone as she stops playing, then disrobes.

Asmodeus trembles, then teleports out of Kali's chamber.

"I hope he doesn't try to plow into Ol' Scratch-ass again," says Persephone, shaking her head.

"Though even that would be a safer proposition than approaching you, light-breaker," says Nyx.

"Please help me, the mere mortal, understand," says Minako.

"The decorated _tannenbaeume_ throughout Hades, the _**Krampus Rides**_ posters, the _Rankin-Bass_ holiday specials, and the constant, looped music of 'Let It Snow' and 'Baby, It's Cold Outside'," says Demeter.

"Mom! What are you doing down here?" balks Persephone.

"He's gloating. He is gloating," fumes Demeter. "If I don't stay down here, I'll do something to innocent people above that I'll regret later...like last time," she adds meekly.

Minako studies Demeter, then whispers in Persephone's ear.

"Frankly, young lady," says Demeter wryly, "I've had better from the angelic host than Asmodeus. He's a one-trick pony, as you'd say in this age."

"Nephilim," whispers Nyx. "That made it into the _**King James**_ canon somehow."

"I'll ask my friend Rei about it," says Minako. "She went to a private Catholic girls' school."

"Do you think that fool has given up on his scheme?" asks Hera.

"I hope not," grins Eris. "There's much mayhem to be had, though not a great deal of discord. Too many of us agree that he's an idiot."

Persephone, Demeter, Hera, Nyx, Isis, and Kali all glare at Eris. "What have you done?" they all demand.

"I figured I'd take a cue from the Unspoken, and place a bet on Yama," says Eris.

"When?" continue the other goddesses.

"Oh, about fifteen hundred years ago," sneers Eris. "Fuck: I was bored. The Huns were dull as hell, and the theology of the cock-maimers was spreading throughout Europe, so nobody had a serious stomach for war and strife at the time."

"So," muses Kali. "You placed Yama in the position of Job, and challenged Satan."

Eris nods.

"He hedged his bet this time," says Hades as he strides into Kali's chamber, calmly standing besides Persephone.

Persephone places her hand in his, then smiles gently.

"I should leave now, huh?" asks Minako.

Hera nods. "It's good to see a man reserve his ardor for his wife," she says.

Hades sighs as he escorts Persephone to the elevator. "I'll send you home myself," he says. With that...

...Minako teleports out of the chamber; Hades and Persephone enter the elevator, then kiss fiercely.

Demeter glares at the elevator, then at Hera.

"Had I planned the matter, I would have seen to it that Zeus' issue ended with Persephone," says Hera.

"And risk a second Aphrodite even more wanton than the bitch we know and love?" counters Demeter.

"If that were possible," says Eris, "Aphrodite would just eat her. She's a Titan, you know."

* * *

"Leave this place," demands Saturn, guarding Usagi's apartment with her glaive, "or I will silence you."

An unkempt _shinigami_ with dirty blond hair wearing a white and green striped hat stretches, then yawns. "Kid, you may be strong enough to annihilate the universe on your own," he says, "but your queen's the only one with the will to do it...if you don't let Enma succeed with this plan."

Saturn stares at the _shinigami_ ; another _shinigami_ appears, quickly knocking her out and forcing her to revert to normal as Hotaru.

"Didn't expect you to help with this, Soifon," muses the blond _shinigami_.

"Uruhara _-dono_ ," says Soifon, "Enma _-sama_ must make the decision on his own."

"I agree," says Uruhara. "Let's take the girl home." He picks up Hotaru; he and Soifon vanish with Hotaru.

"Hotaru!" cries Usagi as she bolts out of the apartment, transformation brooch in hand.

Enma appears, then snatches Usagi up in his hand before she can react.

* * *

Mamoru, trapped in the ground from the neck down, struggles in vain to escape. "Usako!" he screams.

"It's futile, human," says a soldier from Reikai Special Forces. "Enma _-sama_ has the woman Tsukino," she adds, "and the two of you will be free and reunited when you see-*" The soldier is interrupted...

...by a kick to the face from Sailor Star Fighter, which knocks the soldier out.

Sailor Star Maker sighs. "We should have let her finish her monologue," she says.

Sailor Star Healer nods. "It was informative to a degree," she adds.

The three Star _senshi_ study Mamoru.

"Don't worry about me!" spits Mamoru. "Please, find Usagi!"

"We intend to," says Star Maker.

"You're better at tracking her than we are, though," adds Star Healer, "so get out of the ground."

"I'm stuck!" balks Mamoru.

"Get the fuck up!" counters Star Fighter hotly. "You call yourself the king of Earth, so act like it!"

Mamoru glows as he tries to pull himself out of the ground, causing roses to appear and vines to grow, the roses firing in random directions...

...but he still fails to escape.

The ground trapping Mamoru parts slightly, allowing him to escape.

"Earth-moving's just a bit outside his skill set," grins Shuu, in the Yoroi no Kongou's base armor.

Star Fighter grins as Mamoru dusts himself off. "No excuses. It's getting too close to the new year for that," she says.

Shuu chuckles with the other Troopers: Ryo, Shin, Seiji, and Touma-all also in their base armors.

* * *

"Please," says Kakyuu, "leave this matter to us."

"If you would allow me to aid you," adds a young woman with red-gold hair.

"Who are you?" asks Star Healer.

"Under normal circumstances," says the woman, "I would introduce myself as 'Asamiya Ginga'; however..."

Kakyuu studies Ginga as the name registers. "These are not normal times," she says. "Please transform," she continues to 'Ginga', "and unseal my power."

"It's the least I can do," says Ginga as she transforms, "to begin my atonement."

The Star _senshi_ stare at the transformed Ginga in shock; they watch as she briefly touches Kakyuu's forehead.

"You..!?" balks Star Fighter.

"It is done," says Ginga, now in her all-too familiar _senshi_ form.

"Thank you...Sailor Galaxia," says Kakyuu.

Star Maker trembles. "Kakyuu _-hime_ : I know...she's not the enemy anymore," she says after a moment, "but..."

"Against a god, to save Sailor Moon-no, Usagi," says Kakyuu, "we will need to attack with the strength of the universe." She transforms into Sailor Kakyuu.

"We thought you'd never fight again, Kakyuu _-hime_ ," says Star Fighter.

"As handmaidens and servants of the gods," adds four _senshi_ in unison, "we must act as their swords in the cosmos."

"The Sailor Quartet," muses Galaxia. "Juno, Vesta, Ceres, and Pallas."

"The Amazoness Quartet...are _senshi_?" wonders Mamoru.

"Our powers were sealed by the lady Neherenia long ago," says Pallas.

"We owe our awakening to her," adds Juno, "at the behest of the _shitennou_. Those dead bastards really get around."

Mamoru chuckles. "Kunzite's very persistent," he grins, "I'll grant him that."

* * *

Uranus and Neptune arrive to the scene, with a now-conscious Hotaru on Uranus' back. "We'll hit the asshole with everything we've got," she says.

Hotaru slides off Uranus' back. "Please forgive me," she says, bowing. "I couldn't stop them..."

"It's okay," says Uranus. "Now transform so we can get her back."

"We will get her back," says Star Fighter.

"I take it that we're on the same side in this?" adds Neptune to Galaxia.

"Presuming it's not an act on your part," says Galaxia wryly.

"We're all here to save the same woman!" says Jupiter.

Seiji stares at Jupiter.

"Don't even try to talk us out of it," adds Mars, calm yet intense.

Shuu sighs. "You know he's going to give us shit for letting you go after Enma," he says.

Star Maker places her hand near Mars' belly, then smiles. "Twins," she says.

Mars rolls her eyes. "I know that your attack is 'Star Gentle Uterus'," she groans, "but please don't rub in the fact that you can sense life in the womb."

"We're not that far along," says Mercury, "and we have to save Usagi."

"How'd you get past Kuwabara?" asks Touma.

"I unlocked a technique I hadn't used in over a thousand years," says Mercury, summoning a pair of energy claymores. "Kazuma _-san_...just gave me a bit of a jumpstart." She disperses the claymores.

"He'll be out for hours," says Venus.

"That's what you think..." mutters Kuwabara as he approaches the _senshi_.

"The hell!?" blurt Uranus and Star Fighter.

Star Maker approaches Kuwabara. "He's sleepwalking," she says.

"A stubborn fool, I see," says Galaxia.

"But a very powerful fool," says Kakyuu, looking towards Star Maker.

Venus guards Kuwabara. "Hell, no, bitches!" she grins. "This one's all ours!"

"Earth has a population of over five billion," says Star Healer. "We need a sperm donation from him-and as many other strong Earth males as possible-if we're going to repopulate our homeworld."

"Once we've got a few hundred tribes started," adds Star Fighter, "then we can resume fucking each other on our own."

"This from the trio who can grow their own-*" continues Venus.

"You're being so greedy-and ungrateful, considering that our people taught you that technique during the Silver Millenium," pouts Star Maker. "Our planet has a population of four, and we're all women."

Mercury claps her hands. "Everyone," she says crisply. "We can discuss any voluntary donations of sperm after we rescue Usagi."

"Right," say the other _senshi_.

"And," continues Mercury to Kuwabara, stroking the somnolent man's cheek, "I am going to risk my life stupidly with our child, so that it will know who fathered it."

"Ami _-san_..." sighs Kuwabara listlessly.

"Leave this matter to us, and stay with Mamoru _-san_ and the others," says Mercury.

"I'll come...sense any trouble..." says Kuwabara, drifting off as he falls to the ground to sleep in earnest.

The _senshi_ teleport away.


	31. Elixir 24

**ELIXIR OF LIFE** _ **#24**_ : I love you all.

byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

Ken arrives with Sesshoumaru, Jaken, and an army of _yokai_.

Touma blinks at the army. "Where'd all of these bastards come from?" he asks.

"These are my vassals," says Sesshoumaru simply.

"These _yokai_ clans have served the lord of the western lands for many centuries," adds Jaken, "while you humans were still rubbing sticks together to make fire."

Yusuke-with Yomi, Mukuro, and Enki-approaches the group.

Mukuro bows. "May we join our group with yours, Sesshoumaru _-dono_?" she asks.

"You are within your rights," says Sesshoumaru. "There is no need to pay deference to me. We are all here to ensure that Enma _-dono_ pays dearly for his impertinence."

"In short: we all want to kick his ass," adds Ken.

Kuwabara wakes up, dizzy as he lifts himself to a sitting position. "Ami..." he says slowly. "She's..."

"The woman will be fine, fool," says Hiei.

"Mizuno _-san_ siphoned a bit of your energy for an offensive boost," adds Kurama, "because she knew Tsukino _-san_ is in danger."

"And also...to stop me from coming right after her," notes Kuwabara, attempting to summon his _jigen tou_ , but only able to manage his _reiken_.

"How did she drain his energy so quickly?" asks Seiji.

"Oral transference," says Yomi, his ears twitching.

"What can I say?" grins Kuwabara, blushing slightly. "Her kisses are irresistible things."

Koenma descends from the heavens, flanked by legions of _shinigami_.

Shin notes the blood red-haired _shinigami_ in black among the group.

Shuu nudges Shin. "Yeah; he does look like Abarai," he says.

Yusuke blinks. "Who the hell are all of these bastards!?" he demands.

"This force level is a sample," says Koenma, "of what Dad had access to as king of Reikai. Previously, I could only send out a few at a time to gather souls, and occasionally send a couple out for intel gathering."

"Like Abarai?" asks Kuwabara, studying the red-haired _shinigami_.

Koenma nods, smiling. "As he's lived among you for so long," he says, "I'll have Renji explain matters to you." He and the army of _shinigami_ vanish...

...except for Abarai Renji.

Shin blushes visibly, trembling.

* * *

"Any questions?" asks Renji.

"No," says Mukuro. "It's clear that with this action, Koenma intends to take proper charge of Reikai."

"Yo!" says Sawamura. "Abarai! You and Kuwabara _-san_ ain't doing this shit without us!" He approaches with Okubo, Kirishima, and a host of other men.

Renji blinks at Sawamura. "You're all ordinary humans," he says crossly. "You're not expected to take on these risks."

"Kuwabara _-san_ taught the three of us to be men who do the unexpected," says Okubo. "It can't be helped."

"We've been Kuwabara _-san_ 's friends for far too long," adds Kirishima, "to let Urameshi carry our water-not on this one."

"Kirishima _-kun_ 's right," says Naru. "Usagi's my best friend," she continues, "and I'm going to help her in any way I can-great or small."

"And we're not alone," adds Umino, standing alongside a look-alike and Amano.

"I take it that because of Amano, we'll be seeing the Rainbow Road Six at some point," says Kuwabara wryly.

A helicopter lands in the clearing near the group. "We're already here," says Tooyama's voice over the speakers.

* * *

"You're getting kicked out of the SDF, Tooyama!" balks Sawamura. "No way in hell-not even you have that much pull!"

Cheng pulls out a cell phone, dialing a number. He speaks into the phone.

"I figured that if I get sacked," says Tooyama, "it'd be because of the illegally-requisitioned supersonic private passenger jet, lack of passports for Mario and myself, and security clearances along with the helicopter. What the fuck are they going to do: send me to prison?"

"It's an improvement over Shonan," scoffs Maeda. "Good food and smokes, too."

"When Heitai goes all-out," says Yokosuka, with the former members of the Shiba High gang, "he never holds back."

"Jou _-kun_ ," breathes Shin, "what are you doing here?"

"With all due respect, Shin _-san_ ," says Yokosuka, "do you know how much skin I-we all-have in this shit?"

Shin studies Yokosuka.

"Whatever you all choose to call them," says a former Shiba gang member, "Saitou _-sempai_ and Taro _-sempai_ were our leaders-the best ones we ever had. We have to honor them one last time."

Another gang member speaks up. "Some of us were classmates with Aino in Shiba Middle, before she went to Juuban High," he says. "I'm not sure how she's involved in this shit, but if a friend of hers has been kidnapped, then our friend has been kidnapped. Saitou _-sempai_ taught us to never let that stand."

"...good. We'll talk again..." Cheng hangs up. "Don't give Tooyama and his guys so much shit," he says. "Sometimes it just takes a phone call to clear up any misunderstandings."

Maeda pokes Cheng's arm.

"Think nothing of it," says Cheng. "It's related to family business," he adds with a look to Shuu. "I just explained to Tooyama's CO that Tooyama took strong initiative to prevent an international incident from getting out of hand."

"If your CO's who I think he is, Tooyama," grins Sawamaura, "then you're going to have latrine duty for a year."

"I'll be lucky if he lets me use a toothbrush," says Tooyama.

"If we've got different armies this big," says Touma, "then let's get down to business..."

* * *

"You have no authority to do this!" spits Tokugawa, bound to a wall along with other penitent souls.

"Frankly, Enma _-sama_ ," adds Toyotomi, "haven't you angered our descendants enough?"

"Don't bother," says Oda, bored. "This fellow is an imbecile."

Enma glares at Oda. "What do you think my plan is for you and your ilk?" he asks.

"Simple," says Genghis. "You plan to destroy our wicked souls to create a seal on that woman's power," he adds, nodding to a naked Usagi, "that only you can break."

"Indeed, honorable one," says Yelu. "Honored lord Enma intends a soul covenant with the noble lady Tsukino-against her will. This will place all of her power and ability under his control: an unequal bond."

"No woman of quality would ever meekly submit to such a worthless match," spits Naotohide. "Even if you succeed, you will only have mastery of her until the end of all that is-which she will nurture at her bosom."

"I only need to initiate the bond and create the seal on her body," counters Enma. "Tsukino will suffer no indignity at my hand."

"Why do you even bother...?" asks Usagi quietly. "That man who looks like Yamanouchi _-san_ is right."

"In life I was 'Yamanouchi _-san_ 's' father, young woman," grins Naotohide.

"The end of all that is," says Enma, "will cease to be with a single decision. Once you are bound to me," he continues, "you will understand me, and accept this fated end foreplanned before your rebirth. Then, you and your friends will enjoy a shining paradise."

"We will never live a lie," counters Usagi. "I believe in justice," she continues, "and justice will never accept lies."

* * *

"What will you do, Toshitada _-kun_?" asks Otake, continuing to press the attack. "We've been at this for months now."

"At that time, Otake _-dono_ , I gave you five minutes to end my existence," says Toshitada, parrying Otake's blows. "I shall not be so accommodating again."

"I don't have the right to destroy a soul," says Otake. "That is a heavy thing among the gods."

"But you're under orders to destroy me," says Toshitada.

"Nonetheless, I value your existence," says Otake gravely, "and I value the order that we, the gods, have set."

Toshitada smirks, drops his _kusari-gama_ , then charges after Otake.

Otake sheathes his katana, then blocks a punch from Toshitada...

...then crumples in pain from a blow to his crotch.

"Regrettably, I have no further time to waste with you," says Toshitada. "Your determination to keep me fighting is laudable," he continues, picking up the _kusari-gama_ , "but it must now end."

"You...you're not Toshitada _-kun_!" sputters Otake, livid with rage and pain. "He would never-not even at his dirtiest-resort to such tactics to win a fight."

"You're right," grins "Toshitada". "He's very noble in that respect. Me, I'm more of a combat pragmatist when dealing with my enemies," continues "Toshitada" as the illusion fades...

...and Kayura brandishes the _kusari-gama_ , in the Yoroi no Oni.

"That's the other reason I didn't realize he was switched out...you..." says Otake.

Kayura grins. "Lucky for you, the fact that I'm a combat pragmatist means that if you just stand down now, I won't kill you," she says. "I'm not nearly as interested in prolonged battles with worthy opponents as my predecessor was. You were wise to take advantage of that flaw, and did well to last as long as you did."

* * *

"Time is short, Kouma," says Yamanouchi. "Our _yoroi_ grants us limited survivability in Tartarus," he continues, "but only you can actually retrieve Lee _-chan's_ soul."

"You...you tricked me!" spits Toshitada.

"A necessary evil, Kouma _-kun_ ," says Kuroda. "The heat of battle tends to blind you."

"And while you are wise enough to know this with a clearer mind," adds Sasaki, "that fellow distracted you with thunderstorms-and you've never been able to fight properly in the middle of one."

"Indeed," grins Yamanouchi. "The sound of thunder sends you into a blind, unthinking panic. Nonetheless, your stubbornness normally wins out over everything. I remember when you went out to find your mother, Lady Haruko, in the middle of a storm..."

" _O-okaasama..._ " breathes Toshitada, trembling. "She's crying, and scared..."

"But she's alive-reincarnated," says Sasaki.

"Our enemy is Enma," says Yamanouchi, calm. "Remember that, and disregard all distractions."

Toshitada's eyes widen; he squares his shoulders. "You're right, Yamanouchi _-dono_ ," he says. "I must complete this task."

"May we escort you, Kouma _-kun_?" asks Kuroda.

"It would be my honor, my _nakama_ ," says Toshitada as he retrieves the crystal seed from the _magatama_.

* * *

A slender girl with long brown hair and warm brown eyes trembles, tears streaming down her face.

"Let her go!" demands Usagi. "She has nothing to do with this!"

"Incorrect," says Enma, his face impassive. "She has everything to do with this: with their defiance, and ultimately yours."

Usagi frowns, then looks at the girl. "What is your name?" she asks quietly.

"H-haru..." says the girl, shaking, as she turns to face Usagi. "F-fujioka Haruhi..."

Toyotomi's eyes widen as he recognizes Haruhi's clan name.

"P-please..." cries Haruhi, looking back up at Enma, "make it stop...make the thundering stop."

"That child is innocent!" says Naotohide. "Do what you will with the rest of us," he continues, "but leave Haruko _-dono_ out of this business."

"It's useless, Yamanouchi _-sama_ ," says Toyotomi. "Enma _-dono_ will not listen to reason. He intends to exact a price from all nine of our houses," he continues, "and especially from the house of Kouma."

Sanada glares at Enma. "You contemptible coward," he seethes. "Your sins are unforgivable! They will be punished."

"That's a living human soul," adds Mori. "God or no, I'm sure you can't just kill whomever you like."

"I must create a _chakra_ seal powerful enough to block Tsukino's power to alter causality," says Enma, "which uses the _ginzuishou_. Without that ability, Tsukino is powerless to restore the earth from the Crystal Disaster," he continues, "and powerless to destroy all of creation."

"In other words," says Genghis, "you are treating the woman like a spoiled brat."

"When she learns to appreciate the beautiful future I have created for her-for all of humanity fated to survive the disaster," says Enma, "then I will allow her to use her power to restore the earth."

"But why Haruhi and those eight?" asks Usagi.

"They are the kindred of the _yoroishi_ , the masters of the _yoroi_ created a thousand years ago by Arago," says Enma. "Because of those men, the _yoroi's_ power is now linked to those nine clans."

"There are other members of the Kouma clan you could have chosen," says Naotohide tersely, "if you sought to disrupt Kouma _-kun_ 's reincarnation."

Enma grins crudely. "All of them are men," he says.

"That's right: all of them loved Haruko _-dono_ ," says Toyotomi. "It was Suoh Tamaki that won out in my time, but any one of the others-Ohtori, Hitachiin, Haninozuka, and Morinozuka-would have suited her in this time, presuming they meet again."

"But eliminate Haruko _-dono_ -no, Haruhi _-dono_ ," says Naotohide, studying the frightened girl, "and all routes for Kouma Toshitada to be reborn as Toshitada will be closed."

"How sickening," hisses Kojirou. "Even my miserable father would spit at your tactics."

"Small wonder that Izanami-megamisama questioned your worth as a god of consequence," says Masamune, "and dismissed you from your place, Enma _-sama_."

"Your defiance is to blame," says Enma. "You all have driven me to this point: where this innocent child must die along with your sin-ridden souls," he continues, "to bring order to the cosmos."

A cool mist enters the chamber, swiftly filling it.

"The...thundering..." says Haruhi softly. "It's stopped..."

* * *

"You're entitled to your opinions about mankind and _yokai_ ," says a voice, "but you can't create your own facts, Enma _-daiousama_."

"And even if you could," adds another voice, "nothing gives you the right to hurt and bully the innocent. I can't stand people like you!"

"So," drawls Enma, "you have come for her."

"That's right," says a third voice as a burst of heat evaporates the mist. "We won't stand for your continued interference."

"Sorry," adds a fourth voice, "but we've decided against Crystal Tokyo as a future. We like our options to be open."

"That is not for you to decide," says Enma.

Mercury approaches Enma. "I hate losing," she says, her expression and tone cool, "especially to liars." With that, she summons a _reiki_ claymore and extends it to impale Enma through the heart.

Enma clutches the blade, struggling to pull it out.

"Good to know that you'll put up a fight," sneers Venus. "That makes this very satisfying." She fires a Crescent Beam through the same wound, forcing Enma to release Mercury's _reiki_ blade.

"Stop this at once!" bellows Enma.

"We're just getting warmed up!" counters Venus, sending a Love-Me Chain through the chest wound.

Mars appears, slaps an _ofuda_ onto Enma's forehead, then lands and fires out Fire Soul onto the chain. Moments later, Mercury shoots out Shabon Spray at the now-molten chain, cooling it.

"You know, Haruhi," smiles Jupiter softly as she frees the girl, "thunder sounds scary, but it's only there to warn people of the real danger."

Haruhi studies Jupiter a moment, then runs to a group of _senshi_.

"It's never the thunder you should fear," continues Jupiter, glaring at Enma. "It's the lightning!" With that, Jupiter fires off Supreme Thunder at the makeshift lightning rod impaling Enma.

Enma shrieks from the electrocution.

Mars and Mercury free Usagi.

Venus hands Usagi a set of clothes. "Sorry, boys: your free peep show is over," she grins at the still-bound samurai.

Kojirou laughs. "I will only say that young Chiba _-dono_ is honored with such a lovely bride," he says.

"I'll be sure to let him know that," says Jupiter; she frees the eight samurai.

"You have our thanks, Jupiter _-dono_ ," says Masamune.

"Please allow us to finish this," says Jupiter.

"Of course," says Masamune. "Only save some for Seiji," he adds with a canny smile.

Jupiter chuckles. "Only if they let me," she says, nodding to the other _senshi_.

Botan approaches the other _senshi_ , with Ayame and a trio of _shinigami_.

Enma looks down at Botan. " _Shinigami_ Botan," he says. "You must free me."

"I am here under orders from the ruler of Reikai to retrieve this missing soul," says Botan.

"I was the ruler of Reikai," says Enma, scowling, "and I will restore my place shortly."

"You'll go back to hell shortly, if that's what you mean," says Uranus; she and the other _senshi_ protect Botan, the other _shinigami_ , and Haruhi.

"We'll be happy to send you there," adds Star Fighter.

Enma slowly pulls out the makeshift lightning rod, then hurls it at the group.

A burly _shinigami_ catches the lightning rod in mid-air, then breaks it like a large twig.

"Who the hell is that!?" balks Jupiter.

"Zaraki," says Botan cheerfully. "He's very strong."

"I'm disappointed," says Zaraki. "I thought a god would be stronger."

"I captured you myself," spits Enma, fuming, "and sentenced you to Tartarus."

"It was a false sentence," says Ayame, "which was commuted."

Venus stares at Zaraki. "Is he like Toshitada _-san_ ," she asks Mars, "or like Botan?"

"Chthonic," says Mars, "but he's the reincarnation of a human's soul."

* * *

"Abarai, how is it that I didn't sense your power as a _shinigami_ before?" asks Yusuke.

"It's because I was reborn as a _shinigami_ ," says Renji, "and because my memories as a _shinigami_ were suppressed for my mission."

"This reincarnation shit's pretty random," says Yusuke.

"How did you regain your memories?" asks Kurama.

"That's none of your business," says Renji curtly.

"You should beware my curiosity, Abarai _-kun_ ," says Kurama.

"Never mind that," says Ken, sniffing. "I smell and feel a lot of power from there," he continues, pointing in the direction of Genkai's temple.

"Excellent," grins Touma. "Mercury has the _senshi_ herding him right where we want him."

"Then let's go," says Ryo.

The different armies head off, followed by Tooyama's helicopter.

Kuwabara chuckles.

"I guess you can stay," says Renji, annoyed as he holds Shin's arm.

"I...really need to go," says Shin.

Renji gives Shin a hard smile. "Make me," he says.

Kuwabara sighs. "Now...isn't the time for you to beat the shit out of your boyfriend," he says.

"I know," says Renji, calm.

"I was talking to Mori _-sempai_ , you ass," snorts Kuwabara. "It's not my fault that you let him be the _seme_ in your relationship."

"I didn't let him do shit!" spits Renji. "Did Mizuno's kiss cause you brain damage!?"

Kuwabara scowls.

"Were you paying attention, Kuwabara!? I had my fucking memory suppressed!" continues Renji, blushing as he glances at Shin.

"Then how'd you remember that my mom died?" asks Kuwabara quietly.

"We were both piss-drunk after Urameshi's wake seven years ago," says Renji, pouting, "and you told me."

"And you told me that your mom died when you were a baby," says Kuwabara. "Babies have shitty memories," he continues, "so the only way you'd know that is if you were told."

"I was told that when I was a kid," says Renji.

"Koenma _-sama_...told you himself," says Kuwabara. "Shortly before your first assignment as a _shinigami_."

* * *

Renji squares his shoulders as he releases Shin's arm.

Shin studies Renji, rubbing his arm.

"You didn't make things easy for me, Kuwabara Kazuma," says Renji. "Here I was-just a stupid eight-year old kid like yourself," he continues, "and I just had to take a mother of two to Reikai. A simple first assignment..."

Kuwabara gazes at Renji.

"...fucked up by the fact that you couldn't let the bitch go!" spits Renji. "Do you know how much you made Erisa _-san_ suffer!?"

Kuwabara nods. "I didn't think she'd actually try to go back into her body," he says. "I didn't want to cause her pain...I loved her..."

"Love," says Shin, "is a very terrifying power. The things we do in its name. We hunt for it. We fight for it. We kill for it. We die for it. And yet..." continues Shin.

Renji stares at Shin, while Kuwabara touches his chin.

"What is it!?" demands Shin. "What the hell is it!?"

Kuwabara sighs. "We don't need to know what it is," he says, smiling, "only that we all need it to live."

"Like water," says Renji thoughtfully.

Shin laughs raucously.

"You feel polluted, Mori _-sempai_?" asks Kuwabara. "Like you're full of shit?"

Shin widens his eyes as his laughter fades.

"That just means you're alive," says Kuwabara. "Water cleans us up, but it ends up getting dirty with our shit and filth. Yet we need it: its chemical ability to form covalent bonds with everything else makes it what it is," he continues. "And love's the same way."

"That's something...that Yamanouchi _-kun_ would say," says Shin.

* * *

"How is it that you can be so calm, Yamanouchi _-dono_?" asks Toshitada as they leave Tartarus.

"Simple, Kouma," grins Yamanouchi. "Everything has its end. Everything decays, and withers, and dies. That's the natural order of things: a matter every creature accepts without question, as it's the creative process."

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about!" balks Toshitada.

"If it doesn't make sense," scoffs Yamanouchi, "it's because I've never had the need to explain self-evident truths to someone before."

"How is it self-evident?" asks Toshitada.

"Does flesh rot, Kouma?" asks Yamanouchi.

"Of course it rots!" spits Toshitada. "Who's in the habit of watching corpses rot!?"

"I've been the reigning expert," says Yamanouchi simply. "I think that's why Doku resonates with me so easily...and why you're so irritating."

"Because the Yoroi no Oni is opposed to it?" wonders Toshitada.

"In your mind, everything must live," says Yamanouchi. "That's why Oni is so strongly bound to you that it still sees you as its master despite you being dead. Your stubborn will to be who you are," he continues, "and to hell with anything else."

"To be honest, Kouma _-kun_ ," says Kuroda, "we're just as confused as you are." Sasaki nods.

"It is the balance of life and death," says Yamanouchi, "which Enma, in his insufferable ignorance and arrogance, seeks to disrupt. You, Kouma Toshitada, will bring Lee _-chan's_ soul to a place in order to restore this balance," he continues, fixing his eyes onto Toshitada's own. "There is nothing to question."

Toshitada stares at Yamanouchi, then at the crystal seed in his hand.

"Kouma," continues Yamanouchi grimly, "you're not the only man who has sins to atone for. Nonetheless...it's understandable. You're not in the habit of letting a man you don't trust near the ones you're devoted to," he continues.

"Yamanouchi _-dono_...?" wonders Toshitada.

"I need you to succeed where I failed...Toshitada," says Yamanouchi, taking off his helmet. "I need you to trust yourself," he continues, "and make that trust absolute."

Kuroda and Sasaki also remove their helmets.

"How can I, Yamanouchi _-dono_ ," says Toshitada reproachfully, "when I've been so wrong?"

"We've all been wrong," says Sasaki, "and that's how we ended up in the service of the same wicked beast for four hundred years."

"Yet you saw the error, and gave your life to make us see it," adds Kuroda. "It is unwise to second-guess yourself out of victory."

"Our trust in you is absolute," says Yamanouchi, "and as unyielding as your devotion to us. Draw on our trust, and make it your own."

"Push and pull, give and take," muses Toshitada, studying the crystal seed. "The _taijitu_ : its separation is only an illusion. Likewise," he continues, "we're all born of the same source, and when we die, we return to that source."

"That's the plan, Kouma _-sempai_ ," says Kayura, emerging from the door to Tartarus with a bound Otake. "So let's go to Genkai's temple and make sure Enma doesn't break that cycle."

"How did you know what we discussed, Kayura _-dono_?" asks Yamanouchi.

"Now who's asking too many questions?" say Toshitada and Kayura in unison.

Yamanouchi chuckles, shrugging.

The five leave Reikai through a Youjekai gate.

* * *

Enma's massive form descends to the ground at Genkai's temple.

The _senshi_ appear before the armies.

"That plan was splendid, Mercury _-san_ ," says Touma.

"Don't get careless," says Seiji. "I doubt it's that easy to kill him."

Mercury nods.

Enma stands, looming over the armies. "I will not waste energy killing you," he says, a slight smirk on his face. "In fifteen minutes, the new age fated to awaken shall come to pass."

"Funny," counters Yusuke. "You ain't no psychic."

"It already came to pass once before," says Enma. "Your foreknowledge of this event changes nothing, and can change nothing."

"That mockery of a future is ersatz," says Mamoru.

"Why are you still going through with this, Enma _-daiousama_?" asks Usagi quietly.

"He's not Reikai's ruler anymore, Tsukino _-san_!" says Kurama.

"I know," says Usagi. "I just want to understand why, even after he lost everything, he's still struggling."

"Do you really think that he'd ever tell the truth?" says Jupiter.

"The truth...?" asks Enma, chuckling. "As if the lot of you, puny and trifling as you are, could handle the truth."

The armies stare at Enma.

"Here is the truth. Disgust," says Enma. "I am disgusted with _yokai_ , who are at their best when they try to emulate humans...and with humans, who aren't even worth imitating."

"If you see us as the same," says Yusuke, glaring at Enma, "if we both disgust you, then what's with all of the bullshit about judging us differently!?"

"Humans can be controlled, manipulated, and herded," says Enma. "That kind of tractablity makes humans useful to me. You _yokai_ , however," he continues, "are nothing more than vermin-ah! The hell!?" spits Enma, clutching his cheek.

* * *

"Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Kuwabara as he approaches, holding _reiki_ _kunai_ , "you chose poorly. You really should have worked harder to jerk around the _yokai_ , as we humans are vicious predators who aren't all that easy to control. But then," continues Kuwabara, "you always were a lazy ass, weren't you?"

Renji and Shin, with Kuwabara, join the rest of the group.

"And look what it's gotten you!" Kuwabara continues. "You were defeated by the weakest attacks of four humans," he adds, "and this obnoxious cocksucker of a human just cut you with a _reiki_ _kunai_. If you're a god, then quit holding back your power. Show us that you're not fucking around if we're better off kneeling down to you."

"I have nothing to prove to you," counters Enma.

"Of course not," snorts Kuwabara. "You only have shit to offer us," he continues, "because you're just an ass-kisser who got where he is by kissing the right ass."

Enma stares at Kuwabara a moment, then laughs. "Kuwabara Kazuma, you stupid little jackass!" he sneers.

Kuwabara's eyes widen.

"Who do you think I am: some trifling human creature like you," continues Enma, "crying for his mother since he was eight years old?"

Kuwabara smiles. "At least you have some fucking pride," he says. "It's a relief to know that Koenma _-sama_ actually _did_ inherit his balls from you."

"I...just insulted you," says Enma, confused.

"Everyone insults me!" grins Kuwabara. "That stupid fucker who's worked his ass off for Reikai," he adds, jerking his thumb at Yusuke, "has enough insults on his own for me to write a book. And let's not even dwell on the bloodthirsty midget psychopath."

"You fool," mutters Hiei, smiling slightly.

"See!?" says Kuwabara, noting Hiei. "Classic example."

Enma chuckles. "You are not as easily provoked as I had first surmised," he says.

"That's because no amount of insults have provoked me more than the crimes against humans and _yokai_ that you've committed," says Kuwabara, his smile fading. "Worse, you have a piss-poor lack of foresight, yet you decided to manipulate the timestream so that you could climb up your divine corporate ladder."

"What of it?" says Enma.

"Your attempt to kidnap Tsukino _-san_ -to place her power under your control," continues Kuwabara, "shows your desperation, Enma _-daiousama_. Seriously," he adds, turning to Koenma, "how much is he paid?"

"It's not the money, though there's quite a bit of it," says Koenma. "It's-*"

"-the power," says Enma flatly. "I can speak for myself, my son."

"That isn't our purpose, Dad!" says Koenma. "We're supposed to guide souls and maintain balance."

"Kuwabara is mistaken," says Enma, "when he says that I lack foresight."

"No, Kuwabara's right," says Yusuke.

Enma seethes at Yusuke.

"Yeah," Yusuke continues, "if you controlled all of the different realms of Reikai-of which the Makai and even the Youjekai is a part, then you'd effectively be a powerful god."

Enma continues glaring at Yusuke.

"That's because we value our lives, and we value each other's lives as though they're our own," continues Yusuke. "That gives you and other death deities a great deal of power over humans and _yokai_."

"What you fail to realize, Dad," says Koenma, "is that humans-and _yokai_ , in their way-are already well-aware of that fact, and will fight you tooth-and-nail if you try to lord it over them: which is why most of us chthonic deities accept our appointed roles."

"You," glowers Enma, pointing at Yusuke. "I. Hate. You."

Yusuke blinks, confused.

"But that is irrelevant. Soon," he continues, "the Crystal Disaster will put an end to everyone's intransigence."

* * *

"You've made your decision, then, Small Lady?" asks Incubator.

Chibi-usa nods. "You knew at the start what my choice would be," she says curtly.

"Yes," says Incubator, "because of your legacy, and your legendary name." He takes out the Jewel of Life. The Jewel glows, and a _torii_ appears.

Without another word, Chibi-usa walks through the _torii_ ; she vanishes.

Incubator smiles gently.

* * *

Toshitada, Yamanouchi, Sasaki, and Kuroda emerge from a _torii_ , with Toshitada carrying a small bundle.

Enma looks around, then studies his watch with an irritated look on his face.

"Are you wondering where the crystals are?" asks Usagi.

"Yes," says Enma.

"There won't be any," says Usagi. "I made the wish on the _ginzuishou_ the moment I was freed." With that, she transforms into Sailor Moon.

"You're bluffing," says Enma.

"She is not, Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Toshitada, revealing the bundle.

Lee babbles.

Shuu gasps, then gives an elated grin. "You've lost," he says softly.

"Why, Enma _-daiousama_ ," says Moon, tears in her eyes, "did you have to make this choice so _easy_ for me?"

Enma stares at Moon.

"From the moment I learned the truth about Crystal Tokyo," continues Moon, "I knew what my decision would be. Crystal Tokyo could not be allowed to exist. My only thought, then," she says, "was how to save Chibi-usa from my choice."

"Yet you could not save her," says Enma.

"You wouldn't allow me to. You wouldn't allow a mother to protect her child," spits Moon bitterly. "And the fact that your reasons were so selfish...is unforgivable."

"You...cannot forgive me?" sneers Enma. "No: I...will never forgive...any of you." With that, Enma's glasses break, and his body turns bright red as it doubles in size.

The earth trembles.

"What the hell are you trying to do!?" balks Shuu. "Crack the earth in half?"

"Yes," says Enma, a cruel grin marring his face.

Koenma calmly removes his pacifier, then unlocks the _mafuukan_ ; it holds the earth together and moves the armies into a pocket dimension.

"Why do that?" asks Enma.

"To do my job, Dad," says Koenma. "Granted: there was only about five or six years' worth of energy to do this, as I had to use most of the centuries of my stored power to undo the results of your mess-which destroyed Shinobu's life. Nonetheless," Koenma continues, "I've saved up just enough power since then to protect everyone from your contempt."

"Have you truly saved _everyone_ , my son?" asks Enma.

Koenma sighs, mentally cursing his missing jetpack. "Except myself, of course," he says ruefully.

"That's right," says Enma. "Now, you have nothing at all to save you from me." With that, the massive deity swats Koenma with a backhand, and begins a merciless assault.

* * *

"Koenma!" shouts Yusuke, pounding on the barrier. "Tag us in!"

"It's no use, Yusuke," says Kurama. "This barrier is unbreakable except with Kuwabara _-kun's_ _jigen tou_ , and that's out of play."

"I wouldn't go that far, Kurama," says Kuwabara, his _jigen tou_ drawn.

Kurama stares at Kuwabara.

"I got it back from Ami _-san_ ," says Kuwabara simply, a smile on his face as he slices a small hole through the barrier, then slips out of the dimension.

"Venus!" orders Yusuke. "Fire a Crescent Beam through me!"

Venus stares at Yusuke in shock.

"Do it!" Yusuke demands.

"Do as he says," says Mars. "We can't let Kuwabara _-kun_ fight Enma _-sama_ alone."

"As you wish," says Venus as she complies.

Just as the Crescent Beam hits Yusuke's back, Yusuke fires his _rei-gun_ , channelling the Crescent Beam's energy and merging it with the _rei-gun's_ own. _Kuwabara, you ass,_ says Yusuke to himself, _you ain't getting yourself killed today._

Mars trembles as she watches Yusuke fire the enhanced _rei-gun_ at the shrinking hole in the barrier; her eyes widen as the _rei-gun's_ energy reshapes itself into a ring, then expands.

"I know you're asking," grins Yusuke, trembling. "Since when could I do this?"

Mars nods, along with Kurama and Hiei.

"Ever since I possessed that fucker's body," says Yusuke, "when I was a ghost years ago, I had that potential. In fact," he continues, "it was from the moment Kuwabara decided that I was his rival. You've felt his power, haven't you?"

"Yes," says Mars, remembering her first meeting with Kuwabara at Hikawa Shrine.

"There were days back then when I could feel him coming after me," grins Yusuke, "and I'd turn around and punch him before he could even open his mouth to challenge me-because I knew he was going to challenge me."

"I remember those fights," says Okubo quietly.

"Yeah," adds Kirishima. "That was when Kuwabara _-san_ tried a few ambushes that didn't work."

"Kuwabara's _reiatsu_ is such that anyone with even an ounce of _reikan_ can sense him coming-even if they don't know what _reiatsu_ or _reikan_ is," says Mars.

"His ma tried to contain that shit," snickers Yusuke, "but Raizen _-oyaji_ could feel him from the Makai, even before he was born. Naturally," Yusuke adds, " _oyaji_ decided that he needed to enlighten me."

"Except..." says Mercury, "that you can't sustain that ring long enough for all of us to get through, Urameshi _-kun_."

"Then tell me your plan to get us through," says Yusuke.

"Your plan is sound," says Mercury. "Neptune and I could sustain a stronger ring, and draw on Venus and Jupiter's power, or we could bolster yours."

"Then let's do it!" spits Yusuke. "Kuwabara's getting the shit kicked out of him now-though at least Enma left Koenma alone."

"I'm stuck!" counters Mercury.

"That was his revenge for you leeching his powers," says Yusuke. "That, and the stupid ass is always thinking of ways to protect people," he continues, "even when they don't need his protection, or they're trying to protect him!"

"Urameshi _-kun_ ," says Mercury. "You really do love him, don't you?"

Yusuke grins as he nods.

"Then...please help me break out of this infuriating paralysis!" continues Mercury. "No wonder he hated it so much..."

* * *

 _"Okaasan..." said Kuwabara, kneeling in front of his mother's shrine. "I need you to forgive me. I just can't...be a normal person. That much is clear."_

 _Kuwabara trembled as he continued. "There are simply too many strange things in this world," he adds, "that want to hurt innocent people. And too many bad people in this world who need to be punished."_

 _Kuwabara smiled. "But I'll be honest, okaasan: those are just excuses," he said. "This guy I'm trying to beat, the only one ever to beat me in an honest fight, is at a dojo with an old chain-smoking woman. I would never have thought that Genkai was that lady, or that Alfred-ojiisan knew who she was the whole time...which means that you knew her."_

 _Kuwabara sighed. "I heard her muttering about me while she was trying to put my bones back together," he said. "She called you a bitch, and I remember being upset, but not about to say anything."_

 _"Anyway, Genkai-shihan expressed her relief that I lost, and that Urameshi won. She told me one thing: that I need to learn how to be selfish," said Kuwabara._

 _"It's only fair, isn't it, okaasan?" asked Kuwabara. "If I'm supposed to use my strength to protect others, then I have to understand myself. All of myself."_

 _"So! Whether or not I have your blessing, okaasan: Kuwabara Erisa," grinned Kuwabara, "I'm going to figure out my powers-this energy that you've suppressed for so long. And I'll show you," he continued, tears falling down his cheeks, "that I'll be strong enough to use this strength properly. I, your son: Kuwabara Kazuma, will surpass you: Kuwabara Erisa, so that you can rest in peace."_

 _Kuwabara rose to his feet, his hands clasped together in prayer. "This is the way, okaasan, that I can show my love to you," he said. He bowed to the shrine, then took a tip from a broken bokudo and walked away from the shrine, leaving his house._

Kuwabara opens his eyes, slowly rising to his feet.

Enma's eyes widen, staring at Kuwabara in shock and horror. "I...I killed you..." he gasps.

"I've seen that look before," says Kuwabara, "though usually, I've never been dead. That Musashi guy back in Genkai _-shihan's_ tournament," he continues. "He was fighting hard, but he just couldn't hit for shit. My body was just too durable-kind of like when that shit gang from Meioh ambushed me. I can't blame Tarukane for being smart enough to bring a gun."

Enma glares at Kuwabara.

Kuwabara chuckles. "Thinking about it now, had that guy followed his own mind rather than his boss' orders," he says, "then his old man: that fat bastard you let fuck with Yukina _-san_ for nine years, wouldn't be dead, and you wouldn't be dealing with a man you-a death god-can't kill."

"I killed you," says Enma. "I _know_ I killed you."

"Yeah, I know," grins Kuwabara. "However, I simply decided that I didn't want to die today. I'll die later," he continues, "after living my life as I see fit."

"No one can choose when he dies," counters Enma, "least of all a human." He swings his fist at Kuwabara.

"But a human is a divine being," says Kuwabara, blocking Enma's fist with the palm of his hand on Enma's middle knuckle, "and I happen to be a bit more divine than others. As a result," he continues, "I tend to be that man among men who does counterintuitive, unexpected shit."

Enma trembles as Kuwabara's aura pushes him back, then coalesces into a giant _reiki_ clone of Kuwabara.

* * *

From a distance, Yoshiki clutches his heart, then collapses in a heap.

"Yoshi!" says Kuwabara's father.

"Sensui _-san_!" says Urawa.

"It's all right," sighs Yoshiki. "I had pushed my body...far past its limit..."

Urawa stares at the golden Kuwabara colossus as it punches out Enma. "And I was supposed to compete with that for Mizuno _-san_?" he asks wryly.

"Of course not..." says Yoshiki, removing his glasses. "I knew...that he had the strength...to protect Ami," he continues, "and now that nothing...remains to separate them...I can die fulfilled..."

"Yoshiki..." breathes Kuwabara's father.

"Please tell Saeko..." says Yoshiki, "that I will love her always..." With that, Yoshiki dies.

Okubo's father lights a cigar. "So, Keiichi: this is what you saw all along," he says aloud. "You, and your stupid friends, all had a living, breathing star who could make your wishes come true."

Kuwabara's father laughs. "Kazu's not a star!" he snorts.

"Funny," says Okubo's father, "because I see a miniature sun standing up there."

"That's just his _reiki_ ," says Kuwabara's father. "I ask your forgiveness, as I remember changing Kazu's shit-filled diapers the same way you changed your son's."

"There is that," grins Okubo's father.

* * *

" _Oi_ , Kuwabara!" says Yusuke, grinning. "Who told you to knock Enma flat?"

"Relax, Urameshi," says Kuwabara, dropping to his knees. "You've still got a shot. Enma _-daiousama_ will get back up."

"And we'll knock his ass back down once and for all," says Renji.

Koenma approaches Shuu, holding Lee. "If you'll permit me to rectify matters," he says, bowing respectfully, "then I will personally escort Lee to the Infant Rebirth Room."

"I can allow that," says Shuu, "if you let Toshitada watch your back." He gives Toshitada a thumbs-up. Lee laughs.

Toshitada, trembling, bows...then suddenly leaps into the path of Enma's grasp.

Enma stands, triumphant. "I can begin anew," he says, "as I...no. _You_ ," he seethes as he realizes that he has Toshitada in his grasp instead of Lee.

Yamanouchi and Sasaki immediately appear on each of Enma's shoulders, swords drawn and trained at Enma's throat. "Release Kouma Toshitada now," they order in unison, "or you will die."

"Either quickly, from the bite of my sword," says Sasaki.

"Or slowly, as you suffer from the venom on my blades," says Yamanouchi.

Enma complies, then shrugs before Yamanouchi and Sasaki can react; he catches Toshitada in one hand, and Yamanouchi and Sasaki in the other.

"Dad," says Koenma, "you've lost. There's no way you can restart this plot again. Let it go!"

"I will not," glowers Enma. "Now give Fuan Yang Lee to me."

"What's the point?" asks Touma. "It's already the new year: the year 2000. Crystal Tokyo can't exist."

"At this point," seethes Enma, "I no longer want any of you miserable peons to exist."

"I'm not handing you Lee," says Koenma.

"Then I will kill these three," says Enma; he begins to crush Toshitada, Yamanouchi, and Sasaki in his hands. "Soon after, you will join them in death."

"We've all exhausted so much energy," says Mars.

"Let them go right now!" demands a young voice.

Moon and Mamoru's eyes widen in shock. "That...it can't be...!" they gasp in unison.

* * *

Chibi-usa appears just outside a _torii_ , wearing her familiar blue Crystal Tokyo school uniform.

"What...you..!?" balks Enma, dropping Toshitada, Yamanouchi, and Sasaki in shock; Toshitada grabs the other two samurai and floats them to the ground safely.

"That's right," says Chibi-usa. "This is my one shot to defeat you," she continues, "to make my life that you've stolen count."

Enma stares at Chibi-usa in disbelief.

"I am Tsukino Usagi, the champion of justice," continues Chibi-usa. "I believe in justice, and in the name of all the people I love," she continues, "I will return justice to the Earth...and punish you." She summons a green _reiki_ blade, points it at Enma, and sends a _reiki_ wave at Enma, vaporizing him.

Kuwabara blinks at Chibi-usa, flabbergasted.

Jun grins.

Chibi-usa disperses the _reiki_ blade. "That _**Shining Force**_ flourish was for you, Incubator," she says to Jun. "Or can I just call you Jun _-sempai_ again?"

"'Incubator'?" wonders Seiji.

"I'll...explain later," says Jun, his smile grave as he watches Chibi-usa approach Moon and Mamoru.

* * *

The _senshi_ revert to their civilian forms.

Usagi drops to her knees. "Chi...Chibi-usa," she says, tears in her eyes. "Please forgive-*"

"There's nothing to forgive!" spits Chibi-usa. "This was my decision, just as much as it was yours, Tsukino Usagi," she continues, "so please stand up."

Usagi stands up, pouting as her cheeks burn.

Chibi-usa giggles. "Look at you: trying to keep up your serious and mature act," she continues. "But I know you better now."

Usagi opens her mouth to speak, but changes her mind.

"Chiba Mamoru," says Chibi-usa, "please continue protecting Usagi like you always do. And no more stupid secrets," she adds, a reproving expression on her face.

"I will...keep all of this in mind, Chibi-usa..." says Mamoru, fighting back tears.

Rei gazes at Chibi-usa, her expression intense.

Kuroda, in his base armor, pulls Rei into a gentle yet firm embrace. "You know that you cannot, Rei," he whispers.

"Jiro, please..." says Rei, agony in her eyes.

"No," says Kuroda. "Your love for your mistress must extend to the young Tsukino _-dono_ , as she is a _senshi_ like yourself," he continues. "You must honor her will."

"I...I know that," glowers Rei, hitting Kuroda's chest before leaning into his embrace and sobbing onto his shoulder.

"Small Lady," says Setsuna. "I...will miss you. How do you wish to be remembered?" she asks.

"I trust you to do what's right...Setsuna _-san_ ," says Chibi-usa.

"I will remember you forever," says Hotaru, "as my friend."

Ami grips Usagi's shoulder, smiling with tears in her eyes; Usagi hugs Ami, crying. Makoto trembles, tensing her fists; Minako drops to her knees. Haruka pulls Hotaru to her side in comfort, while Michiru runs her fingers through Hotaru's hair.

"I love you all," says Chibi-usa. "That's enough for me."

Usagi pulls out from her embrace with Ami. "Then...farewell, Chibi-usa," she breathes.

Chibi-usa nods, then vanishes.

* * *

POST-SCRIPT

* * *

"I think I should have recused myself from this soul retrieval," says a _shinigami_. "We shouldn't interact with people we knew in life."

"You chthonic psychopomps always fixate on rules, Tiger," grins a youth in white, his hair styled in a bright red mohawk.

"What do angels like you have to do with the dead, Bazz?" asks Tiger.

"I'm not an angel," scoffs Bazz. "I'm what Reikai calls a _kuinshi_ , remember?" he adds with a grin.

"Look: all I know is that you and your kind like to sprout wings and assume different forms," says Tiger. "Anyway, rules are important-even for us-to maintain the natural order."

"You can't very well let your uncle continue thinking that he's alive, can you?" asks Bazz.

" _Ojisama's_ a very stubborn fellow," says Tiger. "He died very bravely, and had lived a long life."

"A long and full life," says Bazz. "So doesn't the 'lord of the western lands' deserve some rest?"

Tiger sighs. "Just don't open your mouth, please," he says, approaching Sesshoumaru's mansion.

Sesshoumaru gazes languidly at the pair, eating a bowl of ramen with raw meat.

Tiger's stomach rumbles.

"Please," says Sesshoumaru, "have a seat...Kotetsu _-dono_."

Tiger stares at Sesshoumaru.

"I would have you eat with me," Sesshoumaru continues, "before you escort me to Reikai. I cannot continue to deny my death."

"That's...against regulations, Sesshoumaru _-sama_ ," says Tiger, squaring his shoulders.

"But you are hungry, Kotetsu _-dono_ ," says Sesshoumaru curtly. "I will not see you willfully starve yourself," he adds, "as I watched you starve to death once before."

Tiger groans. _Why can't this job be easy...?_ he asks himself.

"It's never easy," says Bazz.

"Didn't I tell you to shut up!?" fumes Tiger.

"I never agreed to listen," smirks Bazz.

Tiger pouts at Bazz, then sits next to Sesshoumaru. "If you're aware that you're dead," he asks Sesshoumaru, "then why stay here?"

"To see you...as you should have been," says Sesshoumaru. "Are you ashamed of my foolish sentiment?"

"I don't know," says Tiger. "I died as a baby hundreds of years ago. Were you at least able to make peace with _otousama_?" he asks.

"I had done that back then...from the day you were born, Kotetsu _-dono_ ," says Sesshoumaru. "I could no longer begrudge your father his existence: he had sired two sons and a daughter before you," he continues, "and all of them had _chichiue's_ eyes...much like your father."

"Even though my mother was human?" asks Tiger. "And my grandmother?"

Sesshoumaru nods. "It was a human," he says soberly, "who restored my _yokai_ heart to me, when I had lost it. I lost it because of contempt for humans-anger at their disregard for their own lives. I became like them," continues Sesshoumaru, "to the point that I would not allow myself to love my own brother."

Tiger opens a folder. "She didn't want what happened to her," he says, "to undo all of your progress."

"Rin," says Sesshoumaru. "She learned to understand my heart well. Had I not been so selfish," he continues, "in wanting to keep her near, I would have relinquished her to Sasaki: the only other human-aside from Rin-whom I would ever call my child."

"Rin and Kujuurou," says Tiger. "I remember smelling lots of blood on them. Odd, that a smell would be so powerful," he continues, his stomach growling.

"They and another boy wanted to feed you, Kotetsu _-dono_ ," says Sesshoumaru, offering his bowl of ramen.

Squaring his shoulders, Tiger accepts the bowl and eats.

"Is there enough for me?" asks Bazz. "I'm actually kind of hungry, too..."

"I'm not sure you'll like the meat, Bazz," says Tiger, offering a full chopstick of meat and ramen to Bazz.

Bazz sniffs the bowl. "Reminds me of _Fuehrer_ Yhwach's blood," he says. "Except unlike that murderous antichrist," continues Bazz, "I don't think this meat is tainted." With that, Bazz eats the morsel of food.

Ken approaches the group; he studies Sesshoumaru and Tiger. "You shouldn't be eating that, sir," Ken says to Tiger.

Tiger grins. "I know," he says. "I'll be in trouble, but I had to honor a final request from the departed." Tiger hands the bowl back to Sesshoumaru.

Ken sighs. "So, you've finally decided to admit that you're dead," he says, an understanding smile on his face.

Sesshoumaru nods, returning the smile.

"And you're as stubborn as ever," continues Ken, "but that's just the way we both are."

"Indeed," says Sesshoumaru as he finishes the bowl; he stands, then studies Ken.

"Until we meet again," says Ken.

"Farewell, little brother," says Sesshoumaru. He vanishes.

Ken smiles at Tiger. "I don't want _you_ getting in any more trouble," he says, "so get going and take Bazzard with you."

"I'll...just leave on my own, sir," says Tiger as he disappears.

Bazz grins. "I've always wondered where you got the name 'Kaburagi Kotetsu', or Tiger Wildtier," he says.

"Now you know," says Ken.

"And for the record," continues Bazz, "only Jugo gets to call me that."

"I guess we'll have that debate when Herr Haschwalth reincarnates," says Ken.

"I figured it was worth the risk," says Bazz, "as we _kuinshi_ are all in your brother's debt."

"The world's in his debt," says Ken, grave. "Sesshoumaru set aside his pride and even put his life on the line to stop Yhwach in Germany, while I was dealing with that bastard Kazuya here in Southeast Asia-in Korea and Japan. The whole time...the past seventy-five years...Sesshoumaru was dying."

"And that's why I was willing, as a surviving Sternritter, to make sure that Sesshoumaru," says Bazz, "gets whatever the hell he wants."

"Makes sense," says Ken. "Thanks for staying out of the crap with Enma, by the way."

"Samael and Satan are not guys I want to fight with," says Bazz. "Even Jugo was afraid of those two."

"Satan was the one who created Yhwach," says Ken quizzically.

"An experimental antichrist that went horribly wrong-even for him," laughs Bazz.

Ken shakes his head.

"Enma, Yhwach: why is everyone in a rush for Armageddon?" Bazz continues.

"A lack of faith, I guess," says Ken. "Because of our flaws, some can't just let the universe be what it is, and let us work it out on our own."

* * *

"It appears that everything went well," says Kagome to a youth in glasses. "I had expected Sesshoumaru to put up more of a fight."

"That guy, H, is so impulsive," says the young man. "But it's for the best. It'll be easier to deal with Sesshoumaru now that he's crossed over."

Kagome sighs.

"I...I miss Toshitada, too..." the young man continues. "Nonetheless, he had made his peace with the past, and was ready for his new life. His reincarnation went through flawlessly."

"His school uniform is so cute," says Kagome. "I'd say that his wish came true."

The young man nods. "I suspect that 'Suoh Toshitada' will be a great scholar," he says, frowning slightly.

"Still wondering about a replacement penitent?" asks Kagome.

"Nope," says the youth, grinning. He blows an ocarina.

A tall, slender _shinigami_ appears, smiling down at Kagome and the young man.

"He...looks a bit like..." muses Kagome, unnerved about the _shinigami_.

"This fellow will be serving his sentence," says the youth, "until he gets the message."

Kagome touches her chin, studying the _shinigami_.

"He has me in a reincarnation loop," says the _shinigami_. "Each time I die, I will reincarnate as a _shinigami_."

"Makes sense," says Kagome. "That way, poor health and suicide won't allow you to escape."

The _shinigami_ frowns.

"If you'll excuse me," says Kagome, "I'm going to check on Usagi and Sota." With that, she vanishes.

"You will learn to judge all souls fairly...Shinobu," says the youth. "Once you master this," he continues, "then your reincarnation cycle will be normal."

"In that respect," says Shinobu, "you are your father's son...Koenma _-daiousama_."

"I know," says the young man, Koenma. "To judge souls requires a great deal of humility," he continues, "and I won't pretend that I'm not being selfish...in keeping you at my side."

"What of that human soul?" asks Shinobu. "Is it wise to let that one wander the earth?"

"Much like Sesshoumaru," says Koenma, "Kagome will be allowed a degree of leeway in her actions, considering that she acted to save the cosmos."

"Her actions spared the damned human race," counters Shinobu. "Humans are undeserving of such mercy."

"We're going to be together for a long time," says Koenma. "Let's return to Reikai."

Shinobu sighs. "Yes, Koenma _-daiousama_ ," he says.

* * *

 **THE END**


End file.
